Let’s Talk To Nanyamka

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 125: Nanyamka

DBM: Hi Nanyamka. How would you describe yourself?

Nanyamka: A woman who loves being a woman.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Nanyamka: 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Nanyamka: I am being offered a way out of an unhappy situation. I know for a fact that opportunity seldom knocks at my door, and that, if this had been presented to my husband, he would have taken it in a heartbeat without my knowledge. Dave, naturally I am hands-on and always willing to take initiative. My husband is the same. I am not afraid to say yes to this opportunity simply because I may never know where it might take me. I’ve been offered a job in the UK, and I get to tag my husband and children along. I don’t mind going with the children. My problem is my husband, I don’t trust him. I know this is an unfortunate thing to say about my marriage but he’s been keeping secrets and lies. Let me give you one example: he’s created accounts on several dating apps describing himself as a single man in search for love. He’s exchanged contacts with several ladies outside of Ghana, and is heavily inciting them with the promises of love and commitment. He’s also cheated on me once with a lady at his workplace, which I know of, but he denies it.

DBM: Has he the ability to earn your trust?

Nanyamka: Dave, you’ve not met my husband. He knows exactly what to say and it would be at the exact time you need something tasteful to hear to mess up with your emotions. Every word coming out of his mouth is either a line or a lie. He’s aware of his ability to entice women with what he says and has been using it to his advantage. Unfortunately, everything about my husband on the outside looks just as perfect.

DBM: Meaning?

Nanyamka: People who know and respect him would doubt me if I’m to come out with these allegations. He’s built a certain image out there as the family man every woman should die for. Even my parents will believe his word over mine

DBM: Why did you marry him?

Nanyamka: I had my doubts about him when we were dating but I got pregnant with our first child, and that made me vulnerable.

DBM: Why do you think he married you?

Nanyamka: That’s a question for the gods. He doesn’t like it when people try to play mind games with his intelligence, but guess what?

DBM: What?

Nanyamka: The biggest game he’s played just happens to be me.

DBM: Why did you apply for the job in UK?

Nanyamka: It’s actually a new field in my expertise and I love challenges that foster professional and personal growth

DBM: So, what’s the plan?

Nanyamka: I want to leave the children behind, in his care. He loves the kids but I feel like he’s emotionally disconnected himself because I am the active one in their lives all day, every day. He just fills in the gabs and spoils them rotten with gifts to make it up for his absence. I feel like I’ve enabled him into taking the backseat for far too long.

DBM: How old are your kids?

Nanyamka: They’re under 12 years

DBM: Looking at the description you gave of your husband, is he the kind of role model you’d want to be reinforcing ‘good’ behavior in your children?

Nanyamka: He’s their father

DBM: I see

Nanyamka: But most importantly, I’d want them to see through his bullshit as they grow. I feel like I’ve been covering for him for so long

DBM: How long do you intending stay away from them?

Nanyamka: Till the last child is 18

DBM: What happens to your marriage then?

Nanyamka: I’m trying to enhance my marriage with this decision. I’ve done everything possible to get my marriage back on track but I’m now at a place where there is nothing else left to do but to unofficially split up. My plan is to come and check on the children every three or four months. Dave, I’ve often struggled, always questioning whether or not I am doing the best I can for my children.

DBM: As a parent, you only have a limited window of time to adequately prepare your children to become responsible individuals.

Nanyamka: True

DBM: Does your husband know about your traveling plans?

Nanyamka: I’ve not told him yet

DBM: When do you plan discussing it with him?

Nanyamka: There is not going to be a discussion. I will just tell him the morning of my departure in August.

DBM: That’s not fair

Nanyamka: Fairness is in the eye of the beholder. David, my husband has managed to weaken the bond between us with his betrayal. I feel pained because I sacrificed more than enough of myself and aspirations to be available to him and the children. As it stands now, I’ve got to also choose myself above all else. I used to think it was healthier making my husband the first priority

DBM: What do you think is your job as a parent?

Nanyamka: Raising my babies with a strong sense of self-worth

DBM: I see

Nanyamka: My needs come first henceforth

DBM: Participant 124, Otis, left a question for you: ‘Do you see the future being better than the present? Why?’

Nanyamka: My future always begins with me staying in the present and now. The present and feeling good about it makes me feel better about life. Tapping into this good feeling enables me to attain what I want tomorrow.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Nanyamka: If the one person who’s hurt you the most showed up at your door, unannounced, what would you say to him or her?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Jennifer Enujiugha