Let’s Talk To Knox
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 126: I’m Knox
DBM: Hi Knox. How would you describe yourself?
Knox: I’m easy to talk to and may have the magic effect to make people like me
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Knox: 7
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Knox: A woman I’m in a relationship with wants me to be vulnerable with her so she can inspire me to come into the realization that, her love for me can make me want to become a better version of myself. I don’t think I will ever be the perfect man for any woman. I trust myself to make more mistakes; I’m certain I’d be giving in to more and more of my weaknesses, however, I am a man who wants to do better.
DBM: What version of you is she in love with at the moment?
Knox: The raw me
DBM: Describe the raw you?
Knox: Witty, attractive, charming but still guarded; the ladies’ man. I’m fire with a thrill
DBM: You love her?
Knox: I think I am falling for her. The feelings I have for her are strong
DBM: Explain the ‘ladies’ man’ bit
Knox: I’m able to talk a woman’s panties off
DBM: So, in other words, you’re a player?
Knox: I don’t think I am. She’s managed to pin me down somewhat
DBM: How long have you been dating?
Knox: Nine months
DBM: At what point in your schedule do you usually feel like you love her?
Knox: When I’m horny or lonely, or bored
DBM: Smh!
Knox: Why are you shaking your head?
DBM: Describe sex with her
Knox: Dave, I’ve gotten to know this lady for some time now, and I think we have a relationship that is growing based on the amount of time, care and commitment we’ve decided to put into it. Sex with her means something to me, probably because there are a lot of feelings involved on my part. The energy is kinda, different. I can’t even explain it, but it’s something I enjoy. Getting her off gets me off. I don’t think of my pleasure when I’m making love to her. My focus is always on giving her pleasure.
DBM: I like the sound of that
Knox: I’m afraid to admit it but falling in love scares me.
DBM: Why?
Knox: I don’t know. One minute I’m spending time with her, and the next, I’m suddenly distant.
DBM: Are you comfortable with the idea of being in a long-term relationship with just one person?
Knox: My fear is committing to her and then later realizing she isn’t my soul mate.
DBM: What kind of dream do you have for your future?
Knox: Wife, children, happy home, comfortable living, happy me
DBM: And it’s achievable, no?
Knox: Maybe, maybe not.
DBM: Has she come into contact with the real you that makes you stand out and not blend in?
Knox: Dave, I’m not all that good o
DBM: But there is an element of good to some extent to you, no?
Knox: I guess
DBM: What are you really afraid of?
Knox: My last serious relationship left me hanging
DBM: In what sense?
Knox: She chose someone else over me
DBM: How long did you date?
Knox: I thought we were in a relationship but later found out she was only weighing her options to choose from. We were together for three years; she weighed me for three years and I didn’t make the cut. I didn’t see it coming.
DBM: So, you feel like the past trauma is still coloring your idea of what a relationship could potentially be for you today?
Knox: I’m just trying to avoid an unexpected disappointment
DBM: Even though your current girlfriend is nothing like your past?
Knox: Better to be safe than sorry
DBM: Not surprised though! Many of us would rather be sensitive to what could be going wrong than focusing on what is actually going right for us in the now.
Knox: I can’t help it
DBM: What is the one good thing about your girlfriend that comes to mind?
Knox: She gives me the opportunity to protect her heart, and also, provide for her
DBM: What does she do for a living?
Knox: She’s an orthodontist
DBM: How about you?
Knox: A computer network architect
DBM: How did you meet?
Knox: She fixed some irregularities in my teeth and jaws, and I was pleased with how meticulous she was. My teethes are straightened because she created a corrective treatment plan precisely for my needs.
DBM: How did you end up dating?
Knox: I think I managed to explode the heat between her legs with just a feeling conversation, without even touching her. I left her craving for me
DBM: Which, ultimately was your intention, no?
Knox: Abi you know dada
DBM: Do you find yourself so caught up in the needs and wants of your woman to the extent of tossing your own needs and wants to the side?
Knox: Not with this lady
DBM: Meaning she’s a good catch?
Knox: She is. That’s why I like her
DBM: Do you deserve her?
Knox: I’m getting what I want
DBM: Great, but are you also getting what you deserve?
Knox: Yes. She’s the most beautiful person that I’ve ever experienced in my life.
DBM: That was all I wanted to know
Knox: I don’t know if what I’m offering her is all that she deserves
DBM: When it comes to my heart and its feelings, I usually do not want to be loved by many people. I’m very comfortable and content with someone in my life who gets me. That one person who has seen my worst a dozen times but still loves the me inside of me when my worst pops up. Someone who thinks of me and would smile and shake their head for no reason. Someone who delights in looking out for me; accepts me for all that I am, brings out the very best in me and most importantly, challenge me to be the very best of me that I could possibly be.
Knox: She does that for me
DBM: Then you need to be that kind of person for her too, can you?
Knox: I can
DBM: You will be fine
Knox: I hope so
DBM: Everything is going to be alright
Knox: Are you a counselor?
DBM: I am not. Participant 125, Nanyamka, left a question for you: ‘If the one person who’s hurt you the most showed up at your door, unannounced, what would you say to him or her?’
Knox: Oh, that’s simple; FUCK THE HELL OFF!!!
DBM: Hmmm!
Knox: What?
DBM: You don’t look like the type of guy to be using this kind of language
Knox: I don’t look like what I’ve been through
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Knox: I like this segment. Here is my question: What is the most important thing I should know about you?
DBM: Thank you!
Image Credit: Ekaterina Bolovtsova
