Let’s Talk To Shaan
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 162: My name is Shaan
DBM: Hi Shaan. How would you describe yourself?
Shaan: A phoenix rising from the ashes.
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Shaan: I am 8 times happier today
DBM: I usually should be asking ‘What do you want to talk about?’ at this point. On the 2nd of December, 2021, you sent a message to me via Facebook messenger to be posted on my platform for opinions.
‘Dave, quick one. I picked my wife’s phone to make a call. I had low battery. There was an unread message from a guy. My wife had saved his name with a lady’s name. I wasn’t going to open it but because of the nature of the message, I had to read their conversations. The unread message on her screen was,
‘I will do anything for you, sweetie’
Dave, I know a woman can send such message but my instincts were telling me to confirm the gender from their chat. They had a long history chat, and calls. I discovered something that shocked me, and it was from their interactions last year – when my daughter was born. When my wife was in the labor ward, I was leading a presentation for our company. In fact, when my wife forwarded the picture of my daughter to me on WhatsApp, I was about to give a speech at the meeting. I was so excited, I had to announce to everyone I had a daughter.
I used FORWARDED because she originally had uploaded the picture to this man, with the caption, ‘our baby girl’. I took my phone to scroll to see the time she forwarded the same picture to me after sending it to him. 45 minutes. I was an afterthought. My daughter’s middle name is a name he suggested in their chat. My wife added the name to my girl’s name. There was no other suspicious language, but I realized from her call history, they call themselves a lot. A whole lot. They talk for hours and hours.’
Shaan: Yes, I remember
DBM: Did you read all the comments after the post?
Shaan: I did. That was a while ago
DBM: Great! Because my attention has been drawn to the post again, and people are asking for an update
Shaan: A lot has happened since I last talked to you about it. I am no longer with the woman. We had to agree to go our separate ways
DBM: What really happened?
Shaan: Aside making out with the guy I thought could also be my daughter’s father, Boom! News flash: we both weren’t.
DBM: As in?
Shaan: We were not the child’s biological fathers. You know women, even after the DNA test had clearly stated that the child wasn’t ours, she was denying messing around my back. She cried, bringing down the whole nine yards.
DBM: Do you know who the father of your daughter is?
Shaan: Yes. She eventually admitted to having a short fling with her boss’s boss. Dave, it’s all in the past now. I’ve moved on
DBM: I am terribly sorry about what you had to endure
Shaan: It’s in the past bro
DBM: What’s your relationship like with your daughter?
Shaan: She’s not my daughter bro
DBM: And you honestly believe you’re incapable of loving a kid that is not genetically linked to you?
Shaan: Not a child given to me under false pretense.
DBM: Where is your ex-wife now?
Shaan: I don’t know. I don’t care
DBM: Do you mind me asking how long you were married to her?
Shaan: Boss, I don’t want to talk about anything related to that past. I’ve moved on
DBM: I will respect that.
Shaan: Thanks
DBM: What have you been up to since?
Shaan: I’ve been busy paying attention to what inspires me and makes my heart sing. And have been discovering these new things about myself that aligns with my purpose.
DBM: That’s good to know.
Shaan: Yeah, bro
DBM: Do you see yourself giving you permission to fall in love again?
Shaan: Of course. My ex-wife wasn’t the only means through which I could have had my hopes and expectations for a relationship fulfilled. Just because she couldn’t fulfil them, doesn’t mean any and all hopes for a love relationship are over.
DBM: That’s true
Shaan: Yeah!
DBM: What is the one lesson you think you’ve learned from your unfortunate past?
Shaan: Anyone can let you down, especially those who make you believe they love you passionately, compassionately; those who make you believe you can rely on, and trust them wholeheartedly… they are the ones who can kill the love you have for them with their secrets.
DBM: But there are also those who genuinely can love passionately, compassionately, and are reliable and trustworthy
Shaan: I don’t doubt that. It probably was for the best that we ended things. I wasn’t fulfilling all of her needs. She wanted more in her life at a fast pace, but unfortunately, I couldn’t catch up. I didn’t have a good paying job to make her life comfortable.
DBM: Prior to marriage, you had both disclosed your full financial circumstances to each other, no?
Shaan: I did, but I also created a false impression to her, which I regret.
DBM: What did you promise her?
Shaan: A comfortable life, a good life.
DBM: You think you failed her?
Shaan: I think I let myself down.
DBM: Should a man make money by all means – if he has dreams of making a family of his own?
Shaan: From my experience, the one major issue at the center of marital contention has nothing to do with sex, or even the kids. It has everything to do with money
DBM: Are you dating?
Shaan: I am not dating, but I fuck every now and then
DBM: And, does the ‘every now and then’ fulfill you?
Shaan: My prostate gland and seminal vesicles are always producing semen. I need an avenue to be releasing them regularly
DBM: Participant 161, Hilda, left a question for you: ‘Do you prefer a thoughtful balance of invigorating honesty, or a lenient little white lie would suffice?’
Shaan: A lenient little white lie would suffice
DBM: Why is that?
Shaan: From my experience, the truth was very hurtful. At this point in my life, I care about whether you have good intentions around me, and not whether you’re being honest with me
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Shaan: Has life presented you with a challenge that has left you just hanging on?
DBM: Thank you!
Image Credit: Ketut Subiyanto
