Heart Of My Heart

Tobe: Good evening

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Greetings! How are you doing?

Tobe: I’m fine boss. You?

DBM: I am doing alright, thanks.

Tobe: My story is not so great but it’s something.

DBM: Something’ is good enough.

Tobe: Okay. I was in my late 30s, and a bit fed up with my first marriage. Our marriage was a mess and 95% of it was my fault. I am in my second marriage. She is the same woman I was cheating on my ex-wife with. My ex-wife has also moved on and has been married for 8 years. I admit that whatever broke my first marriage was because I let my guard down for more than just a moment. I did not make any serious effort to address what went amiss. Instead of changing my ways to assure my ex-wife that she could trust me again, I had opened the door to rather rebuild something better with my current wife. A decision I partially regret because my ex was one person who loved me through my poorer. I feel bad for disappointing her in my richer. She should have been the one enjoying the fruits of her sweat. I destroyed her self-esteem, which I regret.

DBM: You had kids?

Tobe: Yes. We have a daughter together.

DBM: Okay!

Tobe: Though I love and admire my now wife, I feel like I made a big mistake letting a good woman go. It was not a good choice. I was also not ready for marriage. I made her sound crazy by denying all of her suspicions of me and my now wife. It was so bad she did not know who I was or meant to her anymore. I got up with other emotions and was deceived by my flesh’s lust for different things.

DBM: Did you own up to it?

Tobe: I tried.

DBM: Have you apologized to her?

Tobe: I have, in court. I don’t have access to her on phone so I had to use our divorce proceedings in court to ask for her forgiveness in person.

DBM: You did the right thing.

Tobe: I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I had a good wife, David Bondze-Mbir. All I do sometimes is to reminisce on the good times we once shared, the beautiful experiences she gave me; all the things we could have done, the dreams and future I promised her, but never did.

DBM: It’s good you know what you did to her and hopefully, the lessons learnt thus far. Now you have a new wife and marriage to apply it.

Tobe: That is right

DBM: You will be fine

Tobe: I will be fine

DBM: Indeed! Sometimes, GOD uses these experiences and mistakes we consciously or unconsciously make, to drive home the point we fail to realize when the people we were supposed to have loved right are no longer around.

Tobe: It really sucks. She is my one true love

DBM: I know! How is your relationship with your daughter?

Tobe: We’re close. She’s my everything.

DBM: Does she understand why you and her mother are no longer together?

Tobe: Yes

DBM: Okay!

Tobe: Dave

DBM: Yeah!

Tobe: Can you say something to encourage me?

DBM: What do you want me to say to you?

Tobe: Anything from your experience in marriage

DBM: You have to keep going because you have a new family now. Your partner deserves a good relationship with you. Put your energies into being a good man, a great husband and an awesome father. The most you can do is to be the very best of you. Whatever you now wish you could have been to your ex, become to your partner in your marriage. Love your wife. Do not fix her. Do not control her sense of self and being. Do not manipulate your way through her vulnerability and respect for you. Accept her and love her. Who knows, this could be the best one you’ve ever had.

Tobe: Thank you for your time.

Image Credit: Dapo Abideen