Doing The Most

Growing my natural, afro hair has been my signature hairstyle for decades. And I know how to take good care of it. My hair is always moisturized to prevent dryness and breakage. I trim it every month or two, to remove the split ends, so it can look thick and full. I wash my hair thoroughly, and before I sleep, wrap it in a silk bonnet or scarf. David, that is my regular routine. I’m painting this picture for you to understand how dedicated and patient I have been over the years to grow my afro into a healthy and amazing happy hair. It’s my pride and joy.

I’ve been married to my husband for nine years and I used to think he was a man and not a boy. He’s always felt entitled to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. Truth is, I have no tolerance for married men or women who cheat on their spouses. I see such people to lack integrity. I don’t trust them. I don’t trust my husband because he lied to me. Five years ago, after the birth of our second child, I started to realize that he was always on his phone even when we were in bed. He didn’t seem present. He also would stay up after we had sex and I went to bed, still on his phone. I felt like we were drifting apart and wanted to know what was going on with us.

He continued to gaslight my concerns till I finally discovered his infidelity by checking his phone one dawn. I took screenshots and sent the details of my discovery to my phone. I needed proof to help me digest what he’s been up to. And knowing how easy lying flows from his tongue, I needed the screenshots to counteract his denial of the affairs. It took me about a week to process everything before finding the right time to have the conversation with him in person. I arranged for my children to be looked after because I did not need them to be present at home when I had this talk with their father. I wasn’t demanding the truth from him there and then. I gave him a whole day, 24 hours, to simply think about what I had figured out and come back to me with an honest response.

Because I hadn’t mentioned I had copies of the screenshots, he deleted all the conversations and call histories on his phone, and even went as far as contacting the two ladies he was sleeping with to deny anything. Anytime a man makes you look stupid by daring you to tell him what he has done wrong, as if it is your job to prove him wrong, that is when you should know there is no going back to what it used to be. I made the difficult decision to separate from him, though we stayed in the same house but slept in different rooms. The day after I filed for divorce, I woke up after an argument with him, and he had cut my hair with scissors, packed all his belongings and left our front door and the main gate open.

Image Credit: Begna Belay