Let’s Talk To Sipho and Annika
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 149a: Sipho
Participant 149b: My name is Annika
DBM: Hello Sipho and Annika. How would you describe yourselves?
Sipho: A very sensual man
Annika: Blindly loyal to those I love and care about
DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Sipho: 9.5
Annika: 8
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Sipho: Me and my wife have been married for 17 years. We separated when we clocked the seventh year, and almost divorced on our 10th anniversary. The emotional connection was no longer there on her part, and I wasn’t getting sex from home. In fact, she wasn’t giving me any sex, so I had to get it from somewhere else. Our children became her priority, and I felt neglected and was ready to equally throw in the towel. I asked her one day if she wanted a divorce and she said no.
DBM: Why did you say no?
Annika: I took responsibility for my part in the failure of our relationship. I think that was what reformed the entire dynamic of our marriage.
DBM: What made you take this decision?
Annika: One of us had to change, and I was the unhappy spouse. I felt no one else could save my marriage but me.
DBM: Sir, did you want the marriage as at that time?
Sipho: Very much. We did not set out on this journey to be unhappy. Our marriage used to be so much fun when we used to agree with each other.
DBM: Mrs. what did you think you were doing wrong?
Annika: The way I talked to him, sometimes was bad. I blamed him a lot for so many things, it turned us away from each other. I had to learn how to turn towards him with a good attitude.
DBM: Before she stopped giving you sex to make you want it somewhere else, had you been cheating on your wife?
Sipho: No
DBM: How important is sex in your marriage?
Sipho: What my wife couldn’t understand was that, I always wanted to have sex with her because I love her. It wasn’t just about sex. She cuddles for hours and fall asleep in my arms, and that, is love, and should be enough in her opinion. Not that I don’t like cuddling; I love to cuddle. A cuddle that leads to sex is love for me. I would touch her in a certain way, and suddenly would be too tired to follow through. My wife could have a headache for a week, all because she knew I wanted to have sex with her. I would touch her in the evenings and, ‘not tonight’ automatically comes out of her mouth. She was never ready for me when I was ready.
DBM: Was she at any given time initiating sex with you for a change?
Sipho: No
DBM: Why were you withholding sex from your husband?
Annika: I was hurt. Many of the times he wanted to be intimate with me, I was so upset with him to even imagine him touching me.
DBM: Do you think you want sex with your husband as much as he wants to be intimate with you?
Annika: Of course
DBM: How often do you have sex now in a week?
Annika: Almost the whole week
Sipho: Twice a week
DBM: Lol!
Annika: Twice, you say?
Sipho: Yes. Last week, we did it on Monday and Thursday. Have you forgotten?
DBM: Interesting 😊
Annika: It seemed more than that to me
DBM: You two are actually making me realize, men and women view the whole sex-frequency thing differently. Twice a week feels like seven days a week to you, while twice means just two times in a week for him. I want to know something: what does sex mean to you, individually?
Sipho: Dave, you really want to know?
DBM: Yes please
Sipho: If I see a towel wrapped around my wife, erection springs. If my hand accidentally brushes her butt, my penis is provoked. So, you can imagine what happens in my body when I see her come out of the shower naked?
DBM: Yes
Annika: Lol! That’s all you guys know
Sipho: It’s an appetite; a special kind of food I want to eat every day. I get hungry if I’m not fed sex. That is my finest way of connecting with my wife. It’s my love language. If I am to get the kind of sex I want with my wife, home will feel like home to me. I feel and experience true love through sex, regular sex I mean. Ask any man, and he will tell you something similar.
DBM: Mrs. it’s your turn
Annika: What you’re not also understanding from my part is, love isn’t always bodily measured. Sex is important to me too
Sipho: We went out on a date to celebrate our wedding anniversary. At the restaurant, I passed a lingerie under the table and signaled her to go change into it at the ladies’, my wife laughed and just put it in her purse.
Annika: Why would a woman my age do that? All you guys think about is sex
Sipho: Babes, all I think about is you. You matter to me
Annika: You matter to me too
Sipho: What do you want me to do to make you want me?
Annika: Nothing. I want you
DBM: Someone once told me, ‘a cherished woman during the day is a cherished woman at night. If you truly make her feel supported, valued, respected, helped, she will show her value to you in ways that would please you too.’
Annika: Thank you!
Sipho: I know I try
Annika: I know you do
DBM: Participant 148, Reuben, left a question for you: ‘Do you have a pet? If yes, what would they say about you if they could talk?’
Annika: We have dogs and cats. If they could talk, I’d probably be their mummy. They love me and I love them too.
Sipho: I have a busy life, due to that, I easily get distracted, but I am close to my pets. They will tell you I am a good friend.
DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant
Annika: My question is for you, Dave. I know you’re not a participant, but I want to know which church you fellowship with?
DBM: I church online with The Maker’s House Chapel International
Annika: What sets them apart?
DBM: The church’s culture is love. Their structures work. They provide hope for the future. Their leadership lead with love. They are selfless and down to earth. The sermons preached are practical ways for one to live by faith. Last but not least, their music ministration and worship is to die for.
Sipho: My question to the next participant is, how do you evaluate success?
DBM: Thank you!
Image Credit: Kindel Media
