Let’s Talk To Asantewaa
David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)
Participant 80: Asantewaa
DBM: Hello Asantewaa. How would you describe yourself?
Asantewaa: 😭
DBM: Oh! What’s the matter?
Asantewaa: I don’t know where to begin
DBM: Let’s start from here. How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Asantewaa: 0
DBM: Zero? You cannot be zero
Asantewaa: That’s how I feel
DBM: What do you want to talk about?
Asantewaa: I just tested positive for HIV. I am so frightened; I don’t know how to process the news. I have not done anything wrong. I have not done anything bad. My husband is the only guy I have been sexual with since we married. I can swear on my life and the lives of our children, I am telling the truth. The news distresses me so much, I have not been myself a couple of days now. I don’t know if my husband senses my anxiety. Dave, I have never been this depressed in life.
DBM: Hey, slow down.
Asantewaa: I can’t. This is not my destiny
DBM: I am so sorry about everything happening to you right now
Asantewaa: I feel so alone
DBM: You are far from alone
Asantewaa: I don’t know what to do. I am going to die from AIDS
DBM: Being HIV-positive doesn’t mean you have AIDS. Try to calm down, please?
Asantewaa: How can I calm down!
DBM: It is going to be okay
Asantewaa: No, that’s a lie
DBM: Have you done further blood test to confirm the result?
Asantewaa: Yes. I have done three separate tests and they all came back positive
DBM: It may take some time, but I believe you will come to terms with it
Asantewaa: I will not
DBM: Hey, everything is going to be alright
Asantewaa: How do you know?
DBM: You are not the first person to share your HIV news with me on Facebook. Many people have, and their health seems to be better now because they know their HIV statuses. They tell me they’re able to get the right monitoring and treatment.
Asantewaa: This is so scary, Dave. This is not the life I dreamed for myself.
DBM: You can still chase after the life you dreamed for yourself before you learned that you were HIV-positive.
Asantewaa: Easier said. You are not in my shoes
DBM: I don’t have to be in your shoes to tell you that everything is really going to be alright. What has your doctor told you thus far?
Asantewaa: Hmmm! She says my immune system is working well, and the HIV isn’t progressing so fast. She also said I have a healthy body.
DBM: Okay! That’s good to know. Has your husband been tested?
Asantewaa: No! I’ve not told him anything yet
DBM: When do you plan telling him?
Asantewaa: I don’t know. I am still wrapping my head around the news
DBM: You don’t have to share your HIV diagnosis with everyone out there, but your husband has a legal right to know.
Asantewaa: I don’t know what I am more sacred of; me dying or my husband leaving me – when he finds out
DBM: His safety depends on it
Asantewaa: I know
DBM: And any sexual partners he’s had since being exposed to the infection.
Asantewaa: You know what? I’ve been thinking about that actually. Why am I HIV-positive if my husband is the only man, I’ve been having sex with since we married?
DBM: Were you both negative prior to marriage?
Asantewaa: Yes.
DBM: Off the top of my head, I can count 17 women who have shared their diagnosis with me. I think only two found out they had been infected after their husbands had come clean for them to get tested. The rest got to know through random tests, because their husbands either did not know, or knew but kept the information from them.
Asantewaa: My husband has not given me any reason to question him, nor his intentions or feelings. He has not given me a reason to doubt him or our relationship.
DBM: Not even once?
Asantewaa: We’ve had our disagreements every now and then, but he does not make me second-guess his emotions. He has not given me any reason not to trust him.
DBM: Again, you can only be certain after he’s been tested. Majority of the women who shared their experiences with me were convinced about the same things when it came to questioning their husbands’ fidelity to them. Whenever a man is trying so hard to make it clear to you that you are the only one he could ever be with, just ask for his phone and password; right there and then, to have a private tour on his daily conversations and activities.
Asantewaa: My husband has a password on his phone
DBM: Do you know the code?
Asantewaa: I don’t. But he knows mine. I let him have my phone anytime he wants to use it. The children have access to it too. I have nothing to hide; also, it’s because he is my husband.
DBM: I see
Asantewaa: But there have been times that he would be on his phone and would try to hide his screen from me.
DBM: Do you do that to him?
Asantewaa: I don’t.
DBM: Everyone is entitled to their privacy. However, if a partner starts to act shady or give any reason to suspect something is amiss, sometimes by hiding their phone screens while on phone next to you, then it is what it is
Asantewaa: I usually do not have a clue what he does on his phone, and I don’t ask
DBM: What prompted you to get tested?
Asantewaa: I was experiencing recurring vaginal yeast infections. I was feeling so tired all the time, I wasn’t finding my energy to be intimate with my husband. Also, my husband used to complain about the heat in the environment in general, when he used to sweat at night. I had to visit the hospital when I experienced itchy skin rashes
DBM: I see.
Asantewaa: I feel myself growing angry again
DBM: Why is that?
Asantewaa: What if my husband is the reason smiles have fallen off my face?
DBM: If you love your husband, and still want to spend the rest of your life with him, HIV does not have to affect that.
Asantewaa: I am not going to be my husband’s keeper if he did this to me.
DBM: Please let me know what happens after confronting him.
Image Credit: Godisable Jacob
