Tag: Children

Embrace Instead Of Fear

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. Leave a Comment

Edna: I’ve ruined my kids’ lives Dave. I feel like I have failed my children.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): How old are your children?

Edna: 13 and 8

DBM: What is making you come to such a conclusion?

Edna: I’ve made some really bad choices that are reflecting on my children

DBM: What kind of choices?

Edna: Marriage. These feelings of failure I have is a struggle, Dave.

DBM: That you’re married?

Edna: No. Their father and I divorced and I am beginning to think the divorce has become the gasoline that is making the fire explode in our children.

DBM: How so?

Edna: Their unhinged behavior since the divorce. One is always sad and withdrawn, while the boy is either angry or confused all the time. I don’t know how to fix it, Dave

DBM: You can’t fix it, unfortunately. I am sorry about how events are suddenly unfolding in your life.

Edna: It’s a challenge for me

DBM: I can only imagine but you know it’s okay to sometimes feel worried, no? It is okay to be scared. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to be angry sometimes. You can teach your children how to normalize some of these difficult feelings – since you feel them yourself too. You know how to not let it control you. Teach your children the ‘how’ and let them come to the realization that, these uncomfortable feelings come and go.

Edna: Ok

DBM: I think GOD designed marriage to help us grow in another way or form. That growth, sometimes come about or happens outside of the marriage itself. Divorce is a form of change in our relationships that we ought to learn as a people to embrace instead of fearing it. You’re a single mother now, and that is not a bad thing. Your past experience in marriage is now challenging you to grow yourself into a different kind of woman, and mother that you could not have anticipated. I do not count such a phase in someone’s life as failure.

Edna: But this is not what I dreamed for my family.

DBM: Often, we feel like marriage is an either/or scenario.

Edna: Is it not?

DBM: If you had continued to stay married to the father of your children, would it have helped you to live the life you want?

Edna: I don’t know

DBM: Okay, tell me something you know for a fact: would you have grown out of your spousal identity if you had stayed married to him?

Edna: Yes

DBM: That would have been failure in my opinion. Staying in a marriage that sucks the very life and peace of mind out of you.

Edna: Hmmm

DBM: Why did you divorce?

Edna: There was too much emotional and verbal abuse. Then he cheated and I cheated back. It’s a whole lot Dave, and it was very depressing for me.

DBM: You made a bold choice to end depression. That is not failure. You made a choice to end suffering. Abuse in any way or form is not a healthy thing.

Edna: Right

DBM: Is your ex-husband a good father to his children?

Edna: He’s not perfect but he’s a good father.

DBM: What makes him a good father?

Edna: He’s very nurturing and supportive. He’s consistently been present for them. When he shows up, his focus is only on his children and they love that. I know he looks forward to their future and would move heaven and earth until things are better for them.

DBM: The best gift a father or mother can give to their children is themselves.

Edna: I do the best I can for my children. He does his best for them too. He’s just not a great man for me to love

DBM: And that’s okay. We all want our children to become good men and women. This will only happen if we model that for them ourselves. You have a daughter?

Edna: I do

DBM: Would you want for her to someday, pick the right guy to date and marry?

Edna: Of course,

DBM: Your next relationship and choice of a man is the opportunity to show her what the right guy and relationship look like in real time. You claim your ex-husband is a good father. A good father, regardless of a difficult divorce, treats the mother of his children with respect. That is the tone of kindness and reverence a decent man would set for how his children would view and treat their mother. Through kind words, perception and behavior.

Edna: I can’t say much about that

DBM: Do you speak well of him in his absence to your children?

Edna: I do.

DBM: Good!

Edna: It’s the disappointment in myself I struggle to deal with

DBM: Divorce is a stressful experience. I have friends going through it; I have friends who have gone through it. It wasn’t and still isn’t easy for them or their children. It’s an upheaval to a child’s idea of home, their normal, everyday routines and most importantly, their understanding of what a family structure should look like. It would raise a ton of strong feelings in any child. But as I said earlier, divorce, I believe is a form of change for you the mother or father to model to your children that it is probable to come through tough situations and still feel stronger as a result.

Image Credit: Planet E Elevene

 

If Dogs Run Free

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Obed: One of my greatest nightmares just happened to me. My 10yr old son walked in on his mother and I having sex.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): The bedroom door wasn’t locked?

Obed: I thought I locked it.

DBM: Was the bedroom door locked?

Obed: No. I was slightly tipsy but I swear I closed it.

DBM: How much of everything did he see?

Obed: That’s the problem, we do not know how long he had been standing there.

DBM: How is your relationship like with him?

Obed: We’re close but he’s very close to his mother.

DBM: What was his reaction?

Obed: He looked confused and in shock. His mouth was wide open. And I think he had a hard-on

DBM: He was turned on? I don’t believe you. How is a kid turned on by his mother’s nakedness?

Obed: Believe me David. His junk was upstanding and hard.

DBM: Oh la-la!

Obed: I know, it’s bad

DBM: What was your reaction?

Obed: I yelled at him of course, and I was a bit furious.

DBM: But why? Yelling at him only makes the situation weirder for him. When was this?

Obed: Saturday

DBM: And at what time did this happen?

Obed: I’d say, around 12:30 am

DBM: So, he should have been asleep by then?

Obed: Yes and no.

DBM: Meaning?

Obed: The weekends are usually left for them play and sleep at any time.

DBM: So, at what time do they go to bed on Saturdays?

 

Obed: 12ish

DBM: They stay up late doing what?

Obed: Watching TV, cartoons, movies or playing video games

DBM: How many kids do you have?

Obed: 3

DBM: Was he the only one in sight watching the freak show?

Obed: Yes

DBM: Were the other kids asleep by then?

Obed: We didn’t check but he was the only one standing in the doorway. These questions feel like I’m in kindergarten.

DBM: So, there is a probability they might have also witnessed it but chose not to stay, no?

Obed: I don’t think they were awake.

DBM: Have you spoken to your son about Saturday’s incident?

Obed: Not yet. I don’t think I would.

DBM: Why not?

Obed: I don’t know where to start. Lol. Also, he’s a boy. He will grow up to understand what’s up for men.

DBM: Does your household have any sort of established boundaries that allow for say, privacy?

Obed: Yes. They know they’re supposed to knock on our bedroom door before entering.

DBM: You can start a conversation with him from there. You need to know why he overstepped that boundary.

Obed: My wife thinks we shouldn’t talk to him about it because he’s going to forget about it

DBM: Forget about what? Have you two not been 10-year-olds before? Do you honestly think he’s going to forget about what he knows he saw?

Obed: What should be the best approach?

DBM: Has he said anything about it since?

Obed: No

DBM: He’s not asked what you two were doing?

Obed: No. Lol

DBM: He’s not acting weird, withdrawn, quiet, etc.?

Obed: Something felt off yesterday when we were driving to church. They’re usually active and talking or disturbing us but all three were very well mannered and quiet in the car.

DBM: Those kids, saw every nasty thing you did to their mother.

Obed: You are not making this any easier on me, Dave

DBM: You need to sit all three down.

Obed: Lol

DBM: You keep laughing, what’s funny? They understand what sex is, no?

Obed: I think so

DBM: Have you broached that topic to them?

Obed: Not yet

DBM: Do you think they know what sex is?

Obed: Yes.

DBM: You need to explain to them your need for privacy. In fact, let’s role-play: Daddy, what were you doing to mummy?

Obed: Lol. That’s ridiculous

DBM: Were you having sex with mummy?

Obed: Lol. Dave, drop it. Let’s get serious

DBM: Daddy, what were you doing to mummy?

Obed: Lol. Let it go. Lol

DBM: Daddy

Obed: Yes

DBM: What were you doing to mummy?

Obed: Your mother and I were having sex

DBM: Eeeew!

Obed: Roland, why didn’t you knock on the door before opening it?

DBM: But daddy, your door wasn’t locked.

Obed: Dave, what am I supposed to say if indeed the bedroom door wasn’t locked?

DBM: You need to take responsibility if you forgot to locked the door.

Obed: Wow. This parenting thing is no joke.

DBM: You need to also apologize for yelling at him.

Obed: I will not do that. He should have known better

DBM: No, you should have known better.

Obed: Please don’t act shocked at what I am about to say next

DBM: Oo-oh! What did you do?

Obed: It wasn’t their mother I was having sex with

DBM: Huh?

Obed: We’re separated and in the process of filing for divorce

DBM: I don’t care about that. Who were you having sex with?

Obed: My girlfriend

DBM: And, he had to witness that?

Obed: Hmm

DBM: Do they know this lady?

Obed: No

DBM: Where are the kids now?

Obed: With their mother. They came to spend the weekend with me

DBM: And you couldn’t suspend a meet-up with your girlfriend to spend time with your children?

Obed: It wasn’t a planned thing

DBM: Your son is not psychologically prepared for such a responsibility to be carrying the weight of what you have subjected him to. Have you informed his mother about what happened?

Obed: No

DBM: When do you intend telling her?

Obed: Do I have to?

DBM: What is the one experience you wish you could give to your son?

Obed: I don’t understand your question.

DBM: How old are you?

Obed: 38

Image Credit: REAFON GATES

Children Are Always Watching

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Akuba: David

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Hi

Akuba: Can you chat? I don’t have the clearness of mind to type my issue in length. I will flow if we discuss.

DBM: Sup?

Akuba: My daughter wants me to leave her father

DBM: How old is your daughter?

Akuba: 14

DBM: I see. Are you married to her dad?

Akuba: Yes

DBM: Okay! Why does she want you to leave him?

Akuba: She thinks I am not happy with him

DBM: What makes her think that?

Akuba: I don’t even know. Lol! Children.

DBM: Are you happily married?

Akuba: I am ok.

DBM: Define okay.

Akuba: I mean, it could have been worse but it’s not for now.

DBM: Are you happy?

Akuba: Not really

DBM: Why not?

Akuba: Dave, life is not all about my happiness.

DBM: I concur.

Akuba: Yeah. I can manage. I will be fine.

DBM: If you were presented an opportunity to redo marriage in your next life, would you still be doing it with the father of your daughter?

Akuba: Never

DBM: Why not?

Akuba: I don’t have a reason. I just wouldn’t. I would rather be single.

DBM: I see. Does he make you happy?

Akuba: He used to.

DBM: Why doesn’t he anymore?

Akuba: Dave, you might have to ask him because as I sit here right now, I don’t have an answer to that question.

DBM: That is rather unfortunate.

Akuba: I know. Life happens.

DBM: How do you intend explaining situations to your child?

Akuba: She will grow to understand

DBM: Understand what?

Akuba: Marriage and life and all.

DBM: Do you understand that your happiness, as her mother, is just as important to raising a healthy, well-developed child?

Akuba: I know

DBM: And that, if being with her father does not situate you in an environment that you can be 100% your authentic self and the best parent you know you can ever be to her, then it is hardly the best decision to be staying where you are, thinking ‘it could have been worse’.

Akuba: Yeah

DBM: Are you sure you are doing alright?

Akuba: I’m fine

DBM: When you put your marriage on the table, is it salvageable?

Akuba: I used to love my husband very much. It used to be the two of us against the world

DBM: Let’s put your marriage on the table. Is it salvageable?

Akuba: Yes

DBM: Good! Have you tried counselling?

Akuba: I have

DBM: How about him?

Akuba: I wouldn’t know. He is difficult to have a sit-down with to discuss our relationship.

DBM: Is your husband still interested in you?

Akuba: I doubt that

DBM: Are you interested in him?

Akuba: I don’t know

DBM: Are you sexually attracted to him?

Akuba: Sometimes. I don’t know, Dave. I don’t know

DBM: Do you still love him?

Akuba: I care about him, yes.

DBM: You love him?

Akuba: I love him

DBM: Are you in love with him?

Akuba: Not at the moment

DBM: But you could fall in love with him again if situations were to change for the better?

Akuba: Yes

DBM: Is he physically abusive?

Akuba: He almost hit me once. My daughter witnessed it

DBM: Is he verbally abusing you?

Akuba: Yes. Our daughter has been a witness to that also. A lot of it

DBM: Is he a good father to your child?

Akuba: He is

DBM: Is he a good husband to you?

Akuba: He used to, when we first married.

DBM: You have just one child, no?

Akuba: 2. A boy and a girl

DBM: How old is your son?

Akuba: 11

DBM: Your children are learning how to treat others by the example you and your husband are setting in how you treat each other.

Akuba: Are you married, David?

DBM: Yes, I am

Akuba: Do you look at your wife as though she’s not pretty enough to you anymore? Do you look at your wife as though you regret marrying her? Do you speak to her anyhow? Do you justify having affairs? Do you intentionally do things to frustrate, push or force your wife away from you and your marriage?

DBM: Is that what you are dealing with?

Akuba: Yes. I sometimes feel stuck and screwed in this marriage.

DBM: For the past seven years, I have come to understand that, I can use my words and actions to be a blessing or I can use my words and actions to be a curse to my partner. Even when I am justified; I mean, completely justified to be angry and upset – I am commanded by the Word of GOD to treat my partner with gentleness, kindness and understanding.

Akuba: You are making me cry. It’s not easy, David

DBM: You and your husband cannot under any circumstance expect more from your children than you both do out of yourselves. Your children are always watching and taking mental account. Is it really worth it to you, to keep a family dynamic together for your children’s sake?

Image Credit:  Marlon Schmeiski 

Let’s Talk To Rema

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 118: Rema please

DBM: Hello Rema. How would you describe yourself?

Rema: I used to be a very lively, focused and very happy but not anymore

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Rema: Four David

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Rema: My daughter and my marriage

DBM: How old is your daughter?

Rema: She will be 10 this year

DBM: And, how long have you been married?

Rema: Almost five years

DBM: What’s going on with your daughter?

Rema: David, I had my daughter at an early age. She is very brilliant and very beautiful. She is the kind of child every parent is proud to have. Unfortunately, I have failed her.

DBM: Parenting can be hard

Rema: When I was dating, my husband and his family got to know I had a child. I was invited to bring her over. She was welcomed with open arms or so I thought

DBM: Okay?

Rema: I was told she couldn’t move in with me. My husband lives with his parents. I had to leave my daughter with her dad because my mum is a busy person. I thought if she couldn’t stay with me, at least, she could spend her vacations with me. But that also turned out to be something that was kicked against by my in-laws. I can count the number of times I have seen her these years David. She is in a different region and far away from me. She calls me every time, asking me to come for her. She sends me messages asking why I chose her brother over her and have abandoned her.

DBM: If your actions and decisions are causing emotional damage to your daughter, then you’re not doing something right

Rema: Yes David. I know as a parent I have failed her and keep failing her daily. She apologizes for wrongs she thought she might have committed, thus, me choosing to leave her with her dad.

DBM: Your daughter’s father, how is his character like?

Rema: He is very promiscuous. And it’s gotten so bad that he allows our daughter to stay with his girlfriends’ sometimes

DBM: Why did you choose a man over your own daughter?

Rema: My husband adores her; it’s just his parents. I know it doesn’t make sense but if I were to leave this marriage, my son would be taken away from me. He’s too young, and knowing them, I may not be allowed to be a part of his life. I feel I will put him through exactly how my daughter feels right now. But then again, my husband isn’t ready to move out of his parents’. He keeps telling me to be patient, and that everything will work out eventually. Not that he can’t afford it but his parents threatened him.

DBM: Don’t get me wrong with this; I understand how you equally want to be happy and feel loved and all that, I do get it. But choosing to become a mother was a duty you decided to take on, with the understanding of it altering your life forever, no?

Rema: Yes, it did change my life from the very beginning. I gave birth to my daughter three weeks after WACCE. I couldn’t get the grades an ‘A’ student was supposed to. Nonetheless, I work in the health sector now.

DBM: Why is your husband staying with his parents?

Rema: Because they want him there. His dad said he hasn’t given him the permission to leave yet, because they need someone to be serving them like his wife served his mother. Because they didn’t raise him to this level for him to choose me over them; and that if he should leave without their permission, they won’t talk to him ever again, not even in death.

DBM: How old is your husband?

Rema: 37

DBM: How old are you?

Rema: 31

DBM: Did you know about his family’s dynamics prior to settling down with him?

Rema: No, not at all. I wouldn’t have. They appeared as the nicest people ever. They made me feel loved. His dad could call me as late as 10 pm, just to convince me to allow them go see my people. His mum would tell me how I was an answered prayer to her. But it was all a big lie. They wanted a slave in their mansion; someone they could abuse without you saying a word. The emotional and verbal abuse from his parents is too much for me now. He feels I shouldn’t pay attention to their utterances because its old age

DBM: So, your husband chose his parents over building a future with you. Your daughter is somewhere crying because she’s been choosing you to choose her, yet you do not see the need to be extra picky, ensuring that you never put a man before your child?

Rema: Yes David, that’s the truth I’m refusing to accept. I don’t know why

DBM: Are you done serving your own busy mother?

Rema: No, on the contrary. I didn’t serve my mother. My mum had maids growing up and still does. I was served when I was with my mother.

DBM: I see. What are you going to do?

Rema: I honestly don’t know! I cry myself to sleep almost every night but I’m confused. I know that I have to step up because things cannot remain as they are but then again, will I be happy if I leave my son behind? Won’t it be choosing one over the other? Will my son not also blame me for abandoning him when he grows a little?

DBM: Again, YOU are their mother. So, what makes you think you have to leave your children behind?

Rema: My in-laws have constantly reminded me that I won’t leave with their grandchild. Because they have the power and influence to make that happen. Also, traditionally, the child belongs to the man where we come from. If I threaten my husband that I’m leaving, he will tell me to leave his son behind.

DBM: This is a man you believe is in love with you, and wants to make you happy?

Rema: I thought so, but I’m beginning to doubt his love for me

DBM: How much time do you want to spend away from your daughter?

Rema: Not anymore David! My life is a mess now; my daughter’s words and tears keep hunting me

DBM: Do you think you made that decision to let go of your daughter out of fear, or for the sole purpose of attaining a deeply fulfilling relationship with your husband and his family?

Rema: The latter David. I believed my husband’s promises of a better tomorrow, my daughter inclusive. I had the assurance he was going to do something about it, and how he dearly loved her and would want the best for her as much as I did.

DBM: Is there room enough at their home to house your daughter?

Rema: Yes, four extra rooms are fully furnished

DBM: Most parents often would try interjecting themselves in the lives of their children for reasons best known to them. Is your husband financially independent and mature enough to function without his parents’ influence in his decision making?

Rema: Yes, financially but maturely, I doubt it. His entire life has been centered around them

DBM: Is there an established zone of privacy in your marital home?

Rema: No, not at all. I’m constantly reminded the home is theirs. I can’t even lock my bedroom door 😄

DBM: Oh wow! And in what instances do you feel the most loved by your husband?

Rema: I can’t say; I can’t even remember if there’s any. Yes, I realized I wasn’t my husband’s first choice for marriage, after giving birth to our son. The hurt from that alone is something I can’t describe. Deep down, I know I shouldn’t have pushed through with this marriage. If I was firm from the beginning with what I wanted, things wouldn’t have gone this far. I would have been a lot happier with my children without marriage.

DBM: Anytime I had denied a desire close to my heart, just to serve another purpose in my life – it only led to hurt. Do you have any regrets?

Rema: My biggest regret however is abandoning my child that I sacrificed so much for, just to stay married.

DBM: What priorities in your life right now are of importance to you?

Rema: My kids please. I don’t want to fail the both of them.

DBM: I see you to be a conscious woman and mother. I don’t think of you to be selfish because you are human with needs and desires. Choosing to start a family with your husband wasn’t a selfish act; you did owe it to yourself to want and pursue what you wanted. A woman who is happy with her love life can equally be happy being a mum

Rema: Thanks for your kind words. I could have done better, if I didn’t allow the fear of starting over creep in. I overlooked so many things just to be married. Those very things are my worst nightmares now. Moreover, I should have found myself before the commitment of marriage.

DBM: I am a little concerned only about the fact that, both your husband and his family knew that you were a single mother. Meaning, there was already a sense of responsibility on your part to your daughter. Why they thought it wise to suggest to you to let her go somewhere else is what is troubling me. Did they truly accept you for you?

Rema: I doubt they accepted me fully. The only conclusion I can come up with is the fact that, I was accepted because we are from the same tribe. Like I mentioned previously, their son wanted to marry someone from a different tribe but they rejected her. (I only found out after I married him). Because nothing makes sense to me. My daughter is not even allowed to spend her vacations with me.

DBM: I guess my last question would be, is your marriage worth all the sacrifices you’ve made?

Rema: A big NO. Funny to say this, but I think he doesn’t love me. Maybe he did before but not anymore

Image Credit: any Lane

Let’s Talk To Alexa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

This phone interview was engineered by the mother of Alexa. She wanted me to have a conversation with her daughter to know her mind. Alexa’s mother’s first husband was Pop. The union produced Joey and Toni. Her second marriage was to Alexa’s father, Nigel. Now, she’s divorced and engaged to her third guy, Charles. This phone interview between David Bondze-Mbir and Alexa was recorded, and has been transcribed verbatim for publication.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 81: I would say Alexa

DBM: Hi Alexa. How would you describe yourself?

Alexa: Kind, smart and a polite child

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Alexa: Errrm, probably 7 😀 Please don’t ask me why; I have no idea.

DBM: So, how would you describe your mum?

Alexa: Kind, respectful; I’m trying to figure out a word for someone who ‘stands out’ but I have no words – vibrant.

DBM: Oh my! Hehehe. How about your dad, how would you describe him?

Alexa: Errrm, strong; what’s like a word for like always working hard? Hardworking, busy… he’s very busy. Sometimes I feel bad to think he has anger issues. He’s like a shadow; he doesn’t like standing out like my mum

DBM: Tell me a little about your sisters

Alexa: Well… well. Hehehe. I was waiting for that. It’s going to take me a long time. Errrm, Joey, she’s sometimes bossy. And, she likes to run a lot, so I’d say sometimes energetic but she really does not like to take photos, neither does Toni. Errm, Toni, she’s strong. Joey is also strong, but she’s strong and … I’m thinking of words: polite to other people. And, she’s mean to me. Errm, yeah! But she’s sometimes kind to me.

DBM: Do you believe your parents love you?

Alexa: Well, yes. And, I really like remember, I think it was last night, I’m not sure. Last night or the night before, I said that my mommy likes Charles more than me. And now I know that mommy can’t love anyone else more than us. She can love someone else but not more than us. I know that my daddy loves me. Just that sometimes I think he doesn’t when he’s shouting at me. Pops I think loves me too. No one is leaving me

DBM: Have any of your friends’ parent gotten a divorce?

Alexa: Hehehe. Yes! Errm, Corey. Err Corey, she’s… Yeah, so her parents have gotten a divorce. They’re actually divorced and her mum is going out with another person. And she doesn’t call him dad. She calls her first dad, dad. I feel sad that my parents are getting a divorce because I don’t want them to split up. I fear that someday, my daddy will just leave us and I won’t see him. But my parents have promised me that we are all going to be staying together as one family.

DBM: Have you had nightmares about what’s going on between your parents?

Alexa: Nah, I haven’t had nightmares. Because I’m not that scared of it. But I feel I will in the future because I have heard other children do have nightmares after their parents’ divorce.

DBM: Will you let both parents know any time you get hurt at the thought of them not being together?

Alexa: Yes, because I know that mummy can fix it; mummy or daddy will help me when I am upset.

DBM: When you grow up, how would you want to see your own family? As in, your idea of the kind of family you would want to have when you grow up?

Alexa: I want to be rich. And I want to be famous, but I consider my family in future to be a very happy family; all of us living together happily, nothing sad. Sometimes arguing, because I know we will sometimes argue but we will have a good resolve, I know. Hehehe. Because me and my family have a lot of differences. But we are still family, no matter what.

DBM: Okay, that’s cool. How do you think your siblings are taking this whole decision your parents have made? Do you think they understand why mommy is no longer with your dad, and why she feels she’s happier now with someone else? Do you kids understand what is really going on? Has mom and dad sat you all down to explain what is going on, and why they feel they have to make such a decision?

Alexa: Errrm, that’s a lot of things you just asked. I understand it. I am not sure if my other sisters understand. I am pretty sure Joey understands it, but I will tell you one thing; I already knew about it before mommy told me. I was literally on her iPad doing my thing, and then I just wanted to look at some pictures of mommy. So, I went over to the photos, and I saw a letter, a Valentine card. And it said… errrm, I forgot. But then a few days later, I saw a picture of mommy and Charles, talking to each other. So, I was like, ‘hmmmm! I smell something fishy’. Hehehe. So then, I went to tell Toni. I told her, ‘I think mommy is going to marry a different man.’ When we figured out that she was going to divorce my father, errrm, Toni was like, ‘what the hell!’ I was correct. As in, I’ve never been correct in my whole entire life. It really was going to happen after all, and that was just a miracle to her. My sister was very surprised that I guessed right. And, I think my daddy was also thinking of someone else after their divorce; because when I am watching him, especially when he was with my mother, he was texting someone else. It was a girl. And they were exchanging love-heart emojis between themselves.

DBM: Wow! That’s very interesting. Okay, so if you could tell your mom and dad one thing, what would it be?

Alexa: Errrm, I’d say to daddy, I feel you are very jealous of Charles. And I’ve also noticed that he’s sad about it like I am, but it’s the best for mommy. Because if my mommy stays with my dad, she would be sad and probably, not happy. That will also not make daddy happy. And to my mommy, I’d say, ‘why did you make this decision?’Arrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhh! ‘Why did you make this decision?’ I am not saying mommy should leave Charles and go back to my daddy, but she can. Anyways, I am pretty sure that as long as we all stay happy, I am okay. Because I am happy. Yeah! I am okay that she’s in love with someone else, but I would prefer mommy and daddy not getting a divorce. If I had a magic wand, I would figure out a way to make everyone else happy. But I would try to figure out how to make the three of us, me, mommy and daddy very happy. I am not as happy as I was before their divorce. I know my daddy is not as happy as he was before the divorce. But my mommy is definitely happy. She likes Charles very much. She talks to him every single day. She likes talking to him. Is that obsession?

DBM: Lol! Please clarify this for me; do you understand the fact that because your mom and dad want to be happy, they cannot be together?

Alexa: Errrm, yes, I do understand. Mommy made the decision. I don’t know why daddy agreed to it. Errrm, I feel very disappointed in them. Especially in my dad for agreeing to a divorce. Bla… bla… bla. I know mom would not have been happy, but I can make her happy. Well, I cannot be her husband. But I don’t think she even needs a husband to be happy. It’s literally like saying, a woman needs money to be happy.

DBM: Thank you Alexa. How old are you?

Alexa: I am eight. I hope we would do this again, because it was really fun. I think mommy is now going to ask me a million questions. But thank you. I also want to say, I wish my middle sister, Toni loves me more, or show that she loves me more. Mummy keeps insisting Toni loves me very much but she does not always behave like she loves me.

Image Credit: Monstera

Let’s Talk To Eloise

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 76: Call me Eloise

DBM: Hello Eloise. How would you describe yourself?

Eloise: Married, mother and a banker. I have a kind heart.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Eloise: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Eloise: My husband wants me to get my tubes tied, meanwhile I am not done having children. We have just two boys, and I want a girl. We discussed children and how I feel about them when we were dating. He knows it is an emotional conversation for me due to the circumstances surrounding my upbringing. I want to have a large family of my own because I grew up as an only child. We are both in good financial standing to raise as many children we want; he knows how important it is for me to have a girlchild. He is being unreasonable, and so I have challenged him to go get a vasectomy instead, because I will not undergo tubal ligation at my age. This is not the best decision I want for me and my body.

DBM: How old are you?

Eloise: 34

DBM: And, for how long have you two been married?

Eloise: Five years

DBM: What did he say when you suggested he rather got snipped?

Eloise: He wouldn’t hear it

DBM: Why?

Eloise: He fears it would hinder his sex drive.

DBM: But I hear vasectomy only makes you infertile, and not impotent

Eloise: So, he can have erections and have sex and ejaculate, right?

DBM: Yes. He will still produce sperm. Just that it wouldn’t leave his body in the semen form.

Eloise: In as much as I love my husband, I will not tie my tubes for any man. What if he dies? And the man I marry next wants to have children with me? I will not risk it. He should get vasectomy to make him humble.

DBM: One of my best friends got her tubes tied after her ex-husband insisted, she did because they had had all their children in the marriage. The man got another woman pregnant before my friend even divorced him.

Eloise: Seriously?

DBM: Seriously! And the truth is, your fallopian tubes are not tied into some cute little crossbow during this procedure. Nope! It’s either part or all of your tubes are blocked, cut or removed.

Eloise: They say it can be reversed, right?

DBM: I don’t know. According to another friend who did it but later tried to undo it with surgery, it was next to impossible. This is what I can say from the two experiences of my friends; it is not always possible to have it reversed. And assuming they even manage to surgically undo it, it would not guarantee pregnancy. So, before agreeing to your husband’s demands, be sure you do not have any plans on having children.

Eloise: Thank you David, this is very helpful.

DBM: Again, I may be wrong.

Eloise: You are not wrong. The examples of your friends just made my point.

DBM: Does your husband want children?

Eloise: Of course. It’s every man’s dream

DBM: Not mine

Eloise: You don’t want children?

DBM: I love children, and I believe I am great with them but I am the type that never wanted to have one of my own, because I naturally don’t want people around me. Two is a lot of crowds for me. Anyways, back to my question: does your husband want children? Is it a conversation he willingly participated in and directly expressed interest in while dating, or you’re just assuming on him?

Eloise: I think he doesn’t mind a child of his own. He loves our boys from all indications.

DBM: Why do you want a girl?

Eloise: I will bond with a daughter better. I will understand her feelings. My dream is also to get the opportunity to dress her like the princess I know she would be. I didn’t get to experience a true relationship with my mother.

DBM: So, in other words, you want to re-do your childhood with your daughter?

Eloise: And more

DBM: And fix yourself and your traumas by starting afresh with a mini you, you mean?

Eloise: Something like that.

DBM: You don’t bond with your sons?

Eloise: I do, but it’s not the same. Secondly, my sons enrage me for no reason. I love them, but I wished for at least, one girl between the two. I want to leave this world knowing I left a better version of myself behind through a daughter.

DBM: You think a girl is more of value than a boy?

Eloise: I don’t think that. I just… I want to have a bouncing baby girl. That will make me very happy in my marriage.

DBM: How many kids did you two plan on having before agreeing to marriage?

Eloise: I told him four, but he wanted one

DBM: Why did he want one?

Eloise: He said he wanted to enjoy me and the marriage for the first three or four years before having kids.

DBM: When did you have your first son?

Eloise: Before our first wedding anniversary

DBM: What is your priority now?

Eloise: I don’t understand your question

DBM: What is the most important thing in your life right now?

Eloise: For now, it’s all about my children.

DBM: Where does your husband fit in your priorities?

Eloise: He is there somewhere important.

DBM: Why isn’t your marriage the first priority?

Eloise: Dave, marriage comes with a lot of responsibilities. Children are one of them

DBM: Are you not unconsciously dishonoring your commitment to your husband? You made vows to him on your wedding day, not to your children.

Eloise: I do my wifely duties. He will testify

DBM: What are your wifely duties?

Eloise: David Bondze-Mbir

DBM: Yes please

Eloise: My marriage is sorted. Let’s not go there

DBM: I will respect that. But let me say what I wanted to say; prioritizing your relationship with your husband is the best investment in your children. Your boys will one day grow up and leave the house to start with their own lives. Hopefully, by then, you would not be a stranger to your husband.

Eloise: I sleep and wake up next to my husband. We will never be strangers.

DBM: Okay! I am glad you feel you’re not losing your footing.

Eloise: Are you done?

DBM: I am done.

Image Credit: William Fortunato

Let’s Talk To True

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 74: True or False

DBM: True, Hello! How would you describe yourself?

True: A loving and concerned father who is not perfect, but trying to do the right things by my children the best way possible.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

True: 7 thereabouts

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

True: I want to talk about my oldest daughter. Because of the nature of the situation at hand, I prefer starting from where it all begun. When I met my wife, she already had this child. She was almost five years old when I married her mother. My wife’s first husband had died when the girl was just two years old. I showed up in their lives when she was four years of age, and I have played her father-figure since. She’s 22 years old now.

DBM: Were you a single-dad, divorced or widowed when you met her mother?

True: I was a single man with no child or ex/late wife.

DBM: Okay

True: I love my wife, but she came with the additional ‘burden’ of her child. Honestly, I wasn’t ready to be a father, but I graciously took on the responsibility of being there for her and her daughter; something I actually regret now

DBM: Why is that?

True: I found out later on that, she didn’t really love me. She is with me because I can provide her and the daughter with security. Dave, when you’re just an option to a single-mother in need of your support, that’s how it plays out.

DBM: How long did it take for her daughter to get used to the idea of you, as her daddy?

True: It took a while, but I think I am good with kids, and so we bonded somehow. She used to talk to me separately about everything, before going to her mother with the same information.

DBM: You really believe you meant nothing but an option to your wife?

True: I could never be her top priority in the relationship

DBM: But she had a daughter that had to come first. Most children I know would even wonder why their mothers are with different men, other than their biological fathers.

True: But the husband/father in question was dead

DBM: A mother or wife, putting her children first does not mean she doesn’t care about you. Truth is, most of these women put their kids before themselves. Does that also mean they do not care about their own selves?

True: I expected more from my wife.

DBM: I get you. Anyways, let’s get back to your story. What did your daughter do?

True: I had a lunch meeting with a client in one of the leading hotels in Accra, and I saw my daughter seated in the waiting area, sipping a drink, dressed like a ‘working girl’. An old Caucasian man approached her, talked to her for some time, and they got up to use the elevator to his room. I got up to them and asked where she was going with him. I asked her to leave the hotel and she refused, giving me attitude. I introduced myself to the man as her father, and she had the nerve to tell him I am not her father. I was angry, and so I said some unprintable words to her and she insulted me back. She embarrassed me in front of everyone, and left with the man to his room.

DBM: Why did you have to embarrass your daughter in that manner?

True: Me? Why are you blaming me for trying to stop my daughter from prostituting herself?

DBM: She is 22 years old, for crying out loud. Your responsibility as her father was to raise and educate her before sending her off to the world – which I believe you have done, no?

True: Yes, and still doing. A parent’s job is never-ending

DBM: You have done your part helping her to grow up to become an independent thinker. You need to trust in her ability to make the right decision.

True: Being a hooker is the right decision?

DBM: Did she tell you she’s a prostitute?

True: I witnessed what she was doing

DBM: Your daughter is a grown-ass woman, who knows what is right and wrong. People will do things we least expect of them. Children will make horrible, terrible mistakes that you the parent could have avoided. Such is life sometimes when we are dealing with people. Whatever your daughter is up to, actively contributes to her learning and education process. What didn’t you do at her age?

True: Does that mean I can’t correct her when she’s heading in the wrong direction?

DBM: Your job as her father is not necessarily to protect her from herself and her mistakes. Children have needs and desires, which you and her mother ought to be anticipating. Be her parent when she asks or needs you to be. Be there for her to deal with disappointments when she needs you. Till then, pray for her to become a responsible adult and just let her be

True: You are just like her mother, always taking the side of her daughter. This has made her turn against me in the house. She’s very disrespectful because she knows her mother will support her.

DBM: I am not taking sides. I am just stating the obvious. Again, it’s your house; if she’s rude towards you, kick her the hell out. It’s as simple as that! You cannot be living under my roof and be giving me attitude.

True: My biggest fear is her influence on my other children. I have two boys and two girls with her mother. The younger ladies all look up to her. Imagine them finding out she’s been sleeping with older men to make money?

DBM: Are you in any way, feeling lost or having self-doubt about how you’re doing as their father?

True: Of course not!

DBM: Then, there is nothing to worry about. We’ve all grown and developed our own identities, standards and beliefs that conflicts with those of our parents. It doesn’t make us bad human beings if our different values lead to tension and disagreements.

Image Credit: JD Bond

Let’s Talk To Mr

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 64: Call me Mr.

DBM: Hi Mr. How would you describe yourself?

Mr: A concerned father

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Mr: 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Mr: I have a 13-year-old son who acts very girly. When he was younger, my wife caught him a few times dressing like a girl. He would wear his sister’s shoes, paint his nails, wear his mother wigs etc. When he is arguing with his siblings, he claps his hands like an angry woman and can be very dramatic. He rolls his eyes like a girl, pout his lips like a girl, walk like a model, play with his sister’s barbie dolls, the list goes on. My mother visited us one day and saw him cross-dressing. She told my wife to keep an eye on him. My son reminds me so much of my cousin

DBM: What’s wrong with your cousin?

Mr: I don’t want to talk about him

DBM: Does your son still act that way in his teens?

Mr: Not so much to my knowledge. But he still acts girly, paints his lips and nails sometimes. He likes wearing tight clothes to show his curves. I think he’s having a hard time in school. He hasn’t said anything to this effect, but I feel like people make fun of him

DBM: What’s his favorite hobby?

Mr: Applying make-up on his sister, female friends, dolls and dressing them up. Someone told me it’s a phase he is going through

DBM: Do you wish for it to be a phase?

Mr: Yes. It’s very embarrassing when we’re in public. Everybody notices the elephant in our midst.

DBM: What does your wife think of him?

Mr: We’re both afraid of the probability of him ending up like my cousin who is rumored to be a homosexual.

DBM: How many kids do you have?

Mr: A boy and a girl, two.

DBM: Have you asked him why he is always behaving like a girl?

Mr: Yes. He says he doesn’t know how to act boyish like his male friends. The least thing, and he’s crying. He thinks everybody is against him.

DBM: Does it look like everybody is against him?

Mr: We do that on purpose sometimes at home. We have tried to expose him to boyish ideas but he doesn’t seem to change.

DBM: Explain the ‘trying to expose him to boyish ideas …’

Mr: We forced him to act like a boy

DBM: And, was he interested in your ideas?

Mr: No. He felt attacked and would cry

DBM: He was uncomfortable

Mr: We’re also uncomfortable with his way of life. What else can a parent do in such a situation?

DBM: Stop forcing him into the boy role

Mr: We are a Christian household living by this scripture, ‘train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.’ (Prov. 22:6.) I want him to be the boy who will grow into a man, to love a woman

DBM: Did your parents have a hand in your decision to love your wife?

Mr: No

DBM: Why do you want to involve yourself in your son’s future love life?

Mr: He needs to know what is right and wrong

DBM: What is right?

Mr: A boy has to act like a boy

DBM: How do boys act?

Mr: They act straight, and like girls

DBM: You want my candid opinion?

Mr: Yes

DBM: Teach your son how to be a great human being, and just be patient with him.

Mr: I want to teach him how to be a great BOY

DBM: And, what if your boy is created to be more in touch with his feminine side?

Mr: What if I don’t want that?

DBM: What if that is what makes him his own person, and would need his father and mother help him to be comfortable with who he is?

Mr: Who he is gravitating towards to is in Genesis 19:1-38

DBM: What is in Genesis 19?

Mr: Sodom and Gomorrah

DBM: Those are names of cities

Mr: Dave, you know the story I am talking about.

DBM: You, just like the others in church practice selective outrage. You pick scriptures from the Bible that you can run to – to justify your positions against same gender attraction and love. Sodom and Gomorrah is not a story about homosexuality. It’s a lesson on violence, rape (a mob of men wanting to assault innocent Angels/men). Your son growing up to fall in love with another guy (should that be his path) has nothing whatsoever to do with a crowd of guys trying to rape somebody in Genesis 19.

Mr: You’re misinterpreting the verse

DBM: I am just telling you my understanding of the scripture you quoted. In Genesis 19:6-8, Lot goes out to meet the angry mob at his entrance and begs them to rather rape his two virgin daughters. It’s a shame that some of you so-called Christians would rather identify homosexuality in that scripture, but not address the sexual violence against women and men.

Mr: God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah. That is what I don’t want to happen to my son

DBM: Those cities were destroyed by GOD because of their pride, idolatry, wickedness, corruption, lack of empathy and care for the poor and needy. Read Ezekiel 16:49-50

Mr: Let’s end this argument; it’s not heading anywhere for me

DBM: I do not know the Will of GOD for your son, but please do not stress yourself too much about him being gay. At 13 years, he is still too young to determine his sexual orientation.

Mr: What if he ends up becoming what I fear the most?

DBM: Then you face your fears like a man. Fear usually sprawls from not knowing very much about that very thing we fear. Get close to your son to know him more; talk to/with your son to understand how he thinks and feels; make him feel like you accept and love him for whomever he is. GOD blessed you with this child as an opportunity to teach him about unconditional love and acceptance.

Image Credits: Monstera

Let’s Talk To Chris

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 52: Chris

DBM: Hi Chris. How would you describe yourself?

Chris: I am a father and husband

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Chris: I was looking through one of my son’s exercise books. He was asked to write about both of his parents, and he wrote just an essay on his mother. He only introduced my name at the ending paragraph, as his father.

DBM: I see

Chris: “My father’s name is …” and that was all that was said about me.

DBM: How old is your boy?

Chris: Eight years

DBM: What did he score in that assignment?

Chris: 8/10

DBM: Okay!

Christ: I asked him why he didn’t talk about me, and he said he didn’t know what to write about me.

DBM: What were you expecting to be written about you?

Chris: His love for me too. He made it seem as if his mother is the only person taking good care of him.

DBM: When you return home from work, what’s your routine like?

Chris: I eat, bath, sit with the kids, watch TV, etc.

DBM: When you ‘sit with the kids’, what do you do with them?

Chris: They watch TV with me and bother me

DBM: Do you talk to/with them?

Chris: Of course, yes!

DBM: What do you talk about?

Chris: Lol! Anything they want to talk about

DBM: Give me an example

Chris: Of what?

DBM: Of what you talk about with the children

Chris: I don’t know. Maybe their day at school, and other complaints, etc.

DBM: Okay! Do you help with the household daily routines?

Chris: Yes!

DBM: What do you do at home?

Chris: I provide for the house.

DBM: What else?

Chris: If something is broken, I get it fixed

DBM: Get it fixed how?

Chris: I find a professional to come and work on it

DBM: What else?

Chris: Dave, I get home late most of the time due to work. And there is usually not much to do

DBM: How about weekends?

Chris: I spend time with family and friends.

DBM: How much time with family?

Chris: I know what you are trying to do

DBM: Let me go straight to the point then: do you help around the house?

Chris: I do, but you have to also understand that, there are certain jobs in marriage that are for men, and others for the woman.

DBM: Which ones are for the man?

Chris: The provider and protector part

DBM: These you like; the ones you don’t like are for your wife, no?

Chris: Lol!

DBM: You help minimally when it comes to domestic responsibilities and household chores, no?

Chris: What has this got to do with my son’s essay?

DBM: Most of the married women I am friends with spend much more of their time cleaning, cooking and taking care of their children, compared with their husbands. And these are career women too.

Chris: How do you know their husbands aren’t supporting them?

DBM: Let’s get back to your weekends; what’s your regular Saturday like?

Chris: I play football or tennis in the mornings with my friends, and then take the family/children out.

DBM: Does your wife have a personal life?

Chris: She does

DBM: When was the last time she went to hang out with friends, or went shopping or partying just to have fun?

Chris: What has this got to do with my son’s essay?

DBM: I have not seen or read your son’s essay, however, from all that you’ve said, I can assume your wife doesn’t have a life outside of her family. You, on the other hand gets to play football and tennis.

Chris: She attended a wedding two weeks ago

DBM: It’s not the same. You have the luxury to party and have fun with friends outside home. Your son is paying attention to the world around him at home, every waking moment. His classroom is not only in school; he sees all that his mother does and would write only about her because she’s present to him, which in itself, is an opportunity for learning.

Image Credit: Katerina Holmes

Let’s Talk To Mawuena

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 11 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 32: Mawuena is my name

DBM: Oh, nice. I like Ewe names. What does it mean?

Mawuena: A gift from God or God’s gift

DBM: How is it pronounced?

Mawuena: Ma-wu-ena or MAH-WUH-EH-NAH

DBM: Hi Mawuena. Please tell me a little about yourself

Mawuena: I am married with children. I like it whenever the sunshine falls on my face. I have a good job, I am financially independent, and I have a mind of my own. I love to keep my home clean and my family well fed. I love being involved in my children’s lives, and I have always been there to support my husband and keep him amused.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Mawuena: My priority has been to make my husband a happy man by all means, and he’s told me many times that I satisfy him.

DBM: Good, but what does that mean?

Mawuena: Whatever that means, David, because I don’t believe him anymore.

DBM: Hmmmm!

Mawuena: He’s been partially blind for the past few months.

DBM: What happened?

Mawuena: He supposedly returned home from work in August, 2022, feeling sick. He complained about his skin becoming painfully itchy, but would refuse to go and see a physician. A week later, I realized the cornea area of his eyes had started to scar. I called a doctor friend to come and check on him at home. In the middle of October, he went blind.

DBM: Oh, wow! I’m terribly sorry

Mawuena: Don’t be

DBM: Why not?

Mawuena: I think it was the Universe’s way of letting me catch up with him.

DBM: How so?

Mawuena: All that while, I had not heard my husband’s phone ring or vibrate, not even once. He has been given a sick leave to recover, and so he’s been home from Wednesday, 19th of October till date.

DBM: Okay! How is he doing now?

Mawuena: His vision is still blurry but he feels the impact of light rays entering his eyes lately.

DBM: So, that’s an improvement?

Mawuena: Yes, hopefully.

DBM: You were talking about his phone

Mawuena: I don’t know where our five-year old son found his mobile phone but it was switched off and hidden somewhere in the house. He wanted me to download games on it for him to play. I switched it on, and gave it to him to go ask his father for his password. That was in the morning of Tuesday, 25th of October. I was getting late for work so I left them. I came home in the evening, and my son was standing at our carpark, waiting for me. Dave, anytime this child has told me to shishhh, he’s had something to report about. He told me his daddy made him promise not to tell me.

DBM: What?

Mawuena: He was holding his father’s phone. He unlocked the passcode and asked me to check his WhatsApp. My baby says his father instructed him to delete messages that had come in from a particular contact. He did not delete them but had lied to his father he had. He wanted me to see it first.

DBM: What did you see?

Mawuena: Everything a child shouldn’t be seeing. Obscene images and videos from my husband’s girlfriend.

DBM: Why would your son show you this?

Mawuena: Joshua is so beloved. He is the cutest kid in the world and a total badass. He understands my ultimate rule at home: Do not keep anything from mummy.

DBM: I see

Mawuena: From his conversations with the lady on August 24th, whatever bit him to make him feel sick had bitten him while he was at her house. Mind you, it was this same day that he came home complaining about body ache. I did not know he had called in sick at work that Wednesday morning, because he left home, claiming he was going to work. He went to spend an entire day with his side piece of shit.

DBM: Marriage is challenging

Mawuena: Dave, stop with the inspirational talk

DBM: Oh!

Mawuena: I am going through the gruesome pain of his cheating ass and I don’t need any motivational messages at this moment.

DBM: Noted! Have you ever had doubts about his loyalty to you?

Mawuena: I had no clue about infidelity. Even if I did, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything because it’s difficult to catch my husband in a wrongdoing. He is smart and gives you no reason to doubt him. My husband is also very careful about leaving any clues on his phone. He would have probably become more careful and subtle if he realized that I was onto him.

DBM: Have you confronted him?

Mawuena: I have.

DBM: You’ve known since October. Are you still angry at him?

Mawuena: Yes, and I’ve tried my best not to hurt him where it hurts, but I am at a complete loss as to what to do. How do I get attracted to a man when he has taken a wrecking ball to my trust in him?

DBM: You love him?

Mawuena: I’ve never loved any man as much as I love my husband. That’s what pains me. Before finding out about his cheating, we used to have sex multiple times in a week. Dave, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. There was so much hunger like you wouldn’t believe. I don’t understand why he would do this to me.

DBM: Unfortunately, the urges of a cheating man lack reason.

Mawuena: And the fact that he told our son to lie, and gave him money for his silence

DBM: How much?

Mawuena: 50 Cedis

DBM: How is a blind man able to see a GHs 50 note?

Mawuena: Josh says he asked him to go and take it from his wallet. But he gave the money to me after handing over his father’s phone.

DBM: Are you still intimate with him?

Mawuena: No! I’ve lost that passion. I don’t feel comfortable doing anything sexual with him again.

DBM: Has he owned up to his mistake?

Mawuena: He’s been asking for forgiveness. He’s also been begging for sex.

DBM: Lol!

Mawuena: Smfh!

DBM: Is your relationship worth rescuing?

Mawuena: I no longer have interest in making my marriage a priority.

DBM: Can you let go of the resentment towards him and try to move forward?

Mawuena: Maybe, but I am not sure I would want to have sex with my husband ever again.

DBM: Is there a possibility of you being happy with him, despite what he has done?

Mawuena: No! I have mixed feelings about everything that has happened. I don’t think I can easily forgive and forget. I don’t trust him.

Image Credit: Yan Krukau

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