Tag: Marriage

SIKA’S TRUE FEELINGS

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 16 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 1: Call me Sika

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

SIKA: I am strong in my vulnerability; very caring, compassionate and totally expressive of my feelings. I am not perfect but I try to always tell the truth. When I have, I give without expecting anything in return. I love to smile; I love to laugh; I love to love. I love God, I care about my husband and love my children. I believe I am hardworking. Mr. Dave, I am content with the woman I am becoming, but I am not content with just being content with me. I want more; to achieve way more in life than I already have.

DBM: How long have you been married?

SIKA: 12 years in August.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

SIKA: The man I fell in love with was my perfect idea of a man. He did not give me any reason to want to doubt him then. He expressed interest in me and was on his best behavior anytime we were together. My perfect type of guy had to be consistent with me so I wouldn’t entertain any doubt whatsoever in my trust in him and the relationship. He gave me that when we were dating.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

SIKA: I first noticed him in an examination Centre, pleading with one of the invigilators to allow him write. He was late and we were 15 minutes into the paper. He was almost falling apart; so nervous and nearly sobbing in front of everyone. I felt sorry for him. He managed to talk his way through the lecturer and was allowed to join us. Instead of hurrying to find his seat number, he was busily staring and winking at me. I lost focus. I scored a B in that subject. He had an A.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

SIKA: I used to believe my husband was my best friend, because I thought I had seen him at his worst and still liked him. I thought those small quirks and habits I couldn’t figure out weren’t that endearing. Those times, I assumed there was absolutely nothing about him that I wanted changed. My happiness was found in just knowing that he was there for me, and was someone I could count on. He was willing to share almost everything with me; the happenings in his day, his food, conversations etc. He made me trust that he had wholeheartedly accepted me for who I am without any boundaries. And I believed him. He wasn’t chasing any other serious friendships. I was his good friend.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

SIKA: It was his first time meeting my dad. He wanted to make a good first impression. I don’t know what he ate before coming to my parents’ house because he was farting nonstop. The first fart, I thought had come from my dad. He blew our noses off the roof with 8 nuclear bombs. I laughed at him so bad, he farted his best.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

SIKA: The night he drove to my house to take me to the hospital. It was 2:23 am when I called him; he made the effort to make me feel like I was worth saving; that our relationship was worth fighting for by saving my life.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

SIKA: Yes, Dave. My husband is an attractive man.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

SIKA: He does not listen to me, and so I see no need in listening to understand anything he has to say.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

SIKA: Maybe if I were enough for him, he would care more about me. As his wife, I am not happy; he does not make me happy – even though I have been doing everything to make him happy.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

SIKA: I promise to love and comfort you, honor and keep you.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

SIKA: We used to do everything together. Almost everything, travel, cook, watch movies, tease etc. They used to be fun times.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

SIKA: Mine is not! I have grown tired of accepting the love he thinks I deserve. When I am around him, I don’t feel content; I don’t feel accepted. He makes me feel very anxious and misunderstood.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

SIKA: I currently have to compete with his mobile phone to get his attention at home. I do not trust a man who has all the time for others on his phone, but cannot make time for his wife. Initially, I thought I had fallen in love with my husband because I trusted him; I thought I loved him because of who he is, not how he made me feel. I do not trust him because of how he makes me feel now.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

SIKA: I used to give my time to him. He does not cherish it so I channel the attention to our children. They need it most.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

SIKA: No!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

SIKA: No! I am not in a good marriage. I don’t feel secure enough to want to be vulnerable around him. I am not growing; I am not maturing. My husband’s attitude and behaviors towards me does not in any way warrant for emotional connection on both our parts. There is no mutual respect between us anymore.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

SIKA: Probably in different relationships with different people.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

SIKA: When a man takes his time to allow us to experience physical and emotional pleasure together, with or without orgasm, Dave, I will be cool! When a man checks in during sex to know whether or not I am feeling good, and tells me what is making him also feel good, I will be pleased. I don’t ask for much!

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

SIKA: 3 out of 10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

SIKA: Love is when someone adds value to make my life better. A better me makes for a better marriage. Love will not bring out the very worst in me. I am seeing the worst in my husband; maybe I just don’t love him that much after all.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

SIKA: I feel like our relationship is not his priority at the moment. If he loved me, I wouldn’t be feeling like other people in his life are more important than me. He is constantly putting other people ahead of me.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

SIKA: I try to be.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

SIKA: Never! I promised him I would forsake all others and be his alone, as long as we remain married.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

SIKA: IK, you have become my biggest hinderance in life. You slurp the very life out of me while I do so much to support you. You have put me down over and over with your words and attitude towards me. I had different goals and dreams I wanted to reach in life; you’ve made me feel like I can’t accomplish anything. You used to be a wonderful guy; you used to be kind to me. I really wanted to believe you were the right man for me, but after 12 years of being your wife, I know for sure that just loving you isn’t enough.

Today is another opportunity for me to choose me. I am choosing my own happiness. I want to love myself more. Your love does not choose me, and just because I am your wife doesn’t mean you should be happy with me. Be happy with what makes you happy. I will be fine.

Image Credit: Arturo Añez

SHE BREWS AT NIGHT

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

Dave, fear women. What did I say? FEAR WOMEN! My wife drinks coffee every evening before coming to bed. She takes hers in the kitchen. My first question is, who drinks coffee at 10:45 pm? How tasty aaaaa is coffee to be drank at 10:45 pm? Second question: is 10:45 the convenient time for any human being who wants to sleep at night to drink coffee? Which other energy boost is a woman in her mid 30’s chasing from caffeine at 10:45 pm?

Our kitchen always has this smell of burnt goat hairs whenever my wife is drinking her coffee at night. I will check what’s roasting in the kitchen, and there would be no goat on fire. Dave, would you believe me if I tell you my wife can describe 90% of my daily activities outside the house in her sleep? At first, I thought it was just a weird dream, but then, it kept happening. And I got scared. She could mumble or carry on conversations I had had with people in the day while she’s asleep at dawn; especially the conversations I had had with the other woman I am seeing. It’s wrong, I know! I am a married man having a secret relationship, so what? I am not the only man in Ghana cheating on his wife.

When my wife wakes up the next morning, she pretends as if she rarely remembers what she said in her sleep. The first time she tried that gibberish witchcraft, she told me she didn’t know what I was talking about. Dave, which sleeping woman forms coherent sentences and even answers questions I ask while sleeping? I thought my wife had me followed during the day (because she’s very capable of that) but no, she’s practicing a kind of witchcraft on me.

I was not awake one dawn when she got up to remove a piece of the pubic hairs around my penis with a scissors. She trimmed a bit of hers around her vagina and put them in a small bottle. I was pretending to be asleep because she couldn’t have dreamed my exact activities in certain days that she drank her coffee and burnt mine and her pubic hairs on the burner. The goat hair I often smelled in the kitchen weren’t goat hairs. She was burning our pubic hairs and inhaling the smell of it, while pretending to be drinking coffee.

Dave, trust no woman; these bitches ain’t trustworthy. They want to control our minds and bodies. They want to control our movements. What at all do women want from their husbands? My wife thinks because I can’t control my sexual urges, I need to be caged with this midnight torture. I have been terrorized in my own house by my wife over an affair. Why? Her argument is, why can’t I show a little self discipline like she does when it comes to sex. Dave, is this the right way for a married woman to treat her husband?

I am not a happy man, Dave. I have shaved all the pubic hairs around my penis but she still burns hairs and can tell me about the things I do or say in her absence. What do I do?

Image Credit: Karolina Grabowska

N FOR NOPE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Hi Dave, please I want to know what you think. Me and my husband trust in a spiritualist we consult on special occasions. He’s given us directives in the past which we followed to win business contracts. He’s our to go to man. A new contract opportunity came my husband’s way in May, and we sought his directives. We agreed on how important this opportunity meant to us if he won, and the change it was going to bring us at home.

Our spiritual father made us make a sacrifice and told my husband not to dip his penis in any other woman but mine, in order to win the contract. We were told he had to have an erection with just me in his mind. His penis was going to die around any other woman after the oath sets itself in motion. The sacrifice could be broken three days after we had taken the oath or it remained permanent after three days. Dave, me and hubby were excited and looking forward to it. I called our spiritual father months later to congratulate him on something totally different, and I took advantage of the call to ask about contract we sacrificed.

That was when he told me my husband went back to him the following morning to undo the oath. He did not give me any reason. All he said was that my husband told him he couldn’t go through with it. 13 years of marriage and I have never doubted my husband. He didn’t mention what he went back to do the following morning after our visit.

Image Credit: Ksenia Chernaya

MY FAVORITE PERSON

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

I have never believed in LOVE IN ITS ENTIRETY; maybe, apart from my dad’s love (which was short lived), I don’t trust any other, not even that of my mother. Her world of marriage was not something I looked forward to, neither have I ever thought I would get married someday. It seems like a ‘burden’ or a ‘risk’. I don’t take risks deliberately, if I can avoid, why go into it? My husband (I call him roommate), first knew he will marry me when he was about 19 years old in high school. He had not met me but saw my name on a school admission board for freshmen (apparently, he fell in love with my name). He was in his final year and had promised himself to marry the lady behind that name. He told his other cousin and a friend in school then. Lo and behold, I finally arrived in school only for him to discover, ‘I was out of his league’, as some of his mates were interested in me.

The first time I met him, it seemed like a déjà vu. I believed I had known him but nope, never do I recall meeting him anywhere, except that – he had the looks of my father. We didn’t communicate much as his exist on campus was near but he always spoke to me, writing little poems in a notebook and dropping it off in my class. (We were in the same department). We exchanged poems in that notebook but never sat together to have a chat till he left campus.

I returned home one vacation, visiting my cousin only to discover we were in the same neighborhood and lived close to my cousin’s house. Before visiting him for the first time at home, he had already told his family he had a girlfriend. (I had no idea I was his girlfriend) yet, that was how the family saw me. No one dared to ask. They passed funny jokes whenever I visited. (I left the area and returned years later). He still held on to me as ‘his girlfriend’ all that time. I was living my life.

Long story short, one night while escorting me home he said when I get a job, I will use my first few months’ salary to marry you. I laughed so hard because I knew he seemed too good a guy for me, (WE WERE NOT OFFICIALLY DATING. I still saw him as a ‘good friend’. I couldn’t see myself marrying him. He was too quiet for my liking. Truly to his words, he went to my sister one day and told her he wants to marry me; went ahead to my elder brother to inform him about his intentions to marry me. Note: no member of my family knew I was dating; neither was aware I had a serious boyfriend, except my big sister, who knows the men (general) in my life. The first time my family met him officially was the day of the ‘knocking’.

He had informed his family but I was the last person to know I was about to get married. When his father and Auntie called me to inform me, I was upset, and confronted him about it. He was confident I am the only woman he wants to be with. I gave them my own date to be married, as their notice was about a month ahead to the proposed date. I requested for a few more months. We got married within four months after his intention was made known. Our 14 years together has never seen any misunderstanding; he hates confrontation and he is a man of very few words. He is the worst person to pick a quarrel with because he won’t utter a word. A friend once told me you both are like oil and water. I am an extrovert and he is like a ‘TOTAL LOCKDOWN’; that’s if that can describe an extreme introvert. He lives in the shadows. He joins me on my night life, and I am like his ‘bad influence’. I taught him how to drink alcohol, socialize, club; how to express his anger, and also, talking to women without fear of offending them. Not all women are rude when approached. It depends on how you come at them.

Ask me about an Angel and I will point to him; he says he wanted a wife but got a social media manager too, (you send him WhatsApp messages and he takes months to reply. I have to check his messages for him. I don’t know about happily ever, but I am a happily spoiled wife. Marriage to him is like having a roommate who does all the work, while you take compliments. I live a simple life with him. I married him with a leap of faith in him. He is a man that met all my checklist: tribe, same taste in music, loves domestic chores; he is faithful, loves movies; he has a lovely skin color; very empathetic, and started life with me from the ground up. We had the exact country themed wedding I dreamed of. We are building a future together, but whatever happens in the future I am proud and glad I met a man who defines marriage as a commandment of commitment. He once said to me you are the woman I am having my every first with.

Least I forget, our poetic note book was our marriage wows. We’ve been married for 10 years now. Our wedding song was “When God Made You”. He is a man with no flaws, dignity, and the humblest to ever walk this earth. Whenever there is chaos, he is that ‘silver lining’. Mr. EC, may God bless you a million times. If you miss heaven, I will blame God; if I depart this earth some day before you, I want you to move on with your life, and enjoy it to the fullest. I promise to learn how to drive so you can stay home and enjoy your lockdown in peace. Allow me to also do the domestic chores; my mum says you make me lazy. Judith says you are a diplomatic person so I should allow you to do your things while I do my controversial things. Gizz said if you become a pastor someday, we will be poor because you can’t take offertory, and would probably give out all our savings.

Image Credit: Andres Ayrton

THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

The driver’s name is Eddie. His car’s number is GS 7443-21. He was the ride I ordered to the airport. I was very late, and so I wasn’t really present in the vehicle with him. I knew he was trying to build on a conversation with me, but I was behind time and wasn’t interested. Mr. Dave, I am in my second marriage, he said. Suddenly, I was interested; there was a story to be told. I am sharing his story because I sought for his consent. Secondly, there are lessons to be learned from his experience. He is in his mid-40’s, and was married to his first wife for 10 years. They could not have children.

According to Eddie, children are a gift from GOD. I wasn’t bothered that we couldn’t have any in my first marriage. I had trust in GOD, and was hoping my ex-wife could trust in Him, my commitment to her and our marriage. He says it really hurt him that the woman he loved with all of his heart, a woman he never for once even considered cheating on or disrespecting, chose to end their marriage. He is of the view that, our society has influenced some women to place a high value on childbearing in marriages – to the extent that, it is so ingrained in their reasoning, they often forget there is a spouse, a man, to be loved also. He says he married his ex-wife because he loved her; children were not his major reason for marriage. He loved his commitment to her; he loved the idea of spending the rest of his life on earth with her in it. He was with her because he wanted to be with her. Unfortunately, his ex-wife had a different expectation for their marriage.

Eddie says, some people will end up being childless because they worry too much to rather focus on the now, the very people loving on them in the present. He believes that societal pressure to become a mother ate into the mind of his ex, that she allowed it to almost measure her worthiness as a woman. The marriage became very unhealthy for the woman because she wanted something different: a real man who could get her pregnant. And so, after 10 years of marriage, she asked her family to return his drinks to his family. The families both asked if had done her any wrong, and she said no. Eddie says, in the presence of both families, he went on his knees, begging her to reconsider. He refused to accept her decision, but she wasn’t interested in the marriage. He kept insisting for a real reason why she wanted out. She finally informed him and their families that, she was no longer in love with him.

Mr. Dave, that was what made me stop pleading with her. I had to understand and respect the fact that, she did not love me anymore. When a woman tells you that she doesn’t love you, let her go. Don’t force your feelings on her. said Eddie. Somehow, he found the confidence to agree to the divorce. His ex-wife also got the confidence to leave, because she had made it clear that she felt trapped. Eddie says, the dissolution of the marriage made all his anxieties about not having the chance of a family even worse. He lost weight, lost his appetite for food; he had a few thousands of cedis saved, and did not know how all that money finished within days. He contemplated on suicide many times. His heart had been broken into pieces.

There was no getting around the divorce because it shook him to his very foundations, causing him to question his confidence level, and even his faith in GOD, women and love. The experience was horrible, terrible for him. All this happened to him in 2019. In 2020, he had learned how to grapple with the pain of rejection and was almost done mourning a lost love, when he met his current wife. He knew he liked this new woman. She makes me want to smile for no reason. I think that was part of the reasons why I found her to be interesting. She was nothing like my ex-wife. he said.

His now Mrs. intentionally became a daily feature in his life just so he could have a dose of real laughter. He allowed the laughter to shape his new found interest into a beautiful friendship, and then, love. Her friendship helped him to return to the things he used to love doing. He then gradually started to lose himself in this good woman who made him smile every day. They got married, and have a one-and-a-half-year-old child. He says, his wife is currently pregnant.

Every relationship (be it good or bad) has something for us to learn. Eddie accepted that his first marriage had ended. He took baby steps and moved on with his life. He is now picturing how to better give and receive with his new wife. I asked him if he knew about his ex-wife’s whereabouts; he says she calls him once or twice every week to check on him. She’s single and has no kids yet. He says she sometimes asks if he misses her too. When I alighted, I was curious in knowing, whether or not he misses the ex.

Mr. Dave, right now as we speak, I miss my wife and child. I can’t wait to close for the day and rush home to help with the house. said Eddie.

Image Credit: David Bondze-Mbir

I DO… I DID… I’M DONE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

You are doing a wonderful job on social media. Your platform is one of the neatest and diverse with different shades of people’s experiences. My wife introduced me to your page in 2019 and I have been reading every now and then. I want to share my journey with my wife for you to publish. I was going to print something at the internet café. The computer I was using had unclosed tabs. The guy who had used it before me forgot to sign off his Yahoo account. Dave, I was closing all tabs to start using it when I chanced on a website whoever was using had opened.

It was a video chat room. I signed up. I chose to chat with ladies from Ghana. The first connection I had my first chat was with my wife. I was striving to be memorable by leaving a lasting impression on her during our chat. She told me her phone had been stolen so she gave the phone number of her sister. She was living with her sister. I gave my number to her. Everything was going fine until ECG took their light. I didn’t go home that day. I waited for four hours till the lights were on. I sat next to the same computer to start over again. I went to the website and she had left me three messages. I replied and she came online. We continued for another hour and half before asking me to call her sister to buy her kenkey when coming home. Lol.

Fast forward, we became friends and dated and married. We have two children.

I cheated on my wife and I don’t know how she found out. I came from work one evening and she was not home. She left two pictures on our bed; the picture of me kissing and fondling the woman I was cheating on her with at the beach. That picture must have been taken months back because the time I saw it on our bed, it had passed seven months. My wife didn’t return to the house that evening. Our children weren’t in the house. Her phone was off. I called my mother-in-law and she told me her daughter had dropped off my children at her house. I went for them. The following day she didn’t come home. Mother-in-law said she didn’t know where her daughter had gone. I didn’t believe her but that was her story. My mother called me to tell me about the two pictures someone had brought to her. Same pictures as the ones I found in bed.

Dave, for two years, I did not hear from my wife. Nobody knew where she was. Some people knew but I think she told them not to inform me. For two years, my wife did not post on social media. The day she made her first post on Facebook after two years of silence, she was sharing her graduation pictures from Princeton University; her second Master’s degree. My wife left our children with me for two years to go to American without informing me. When she came back home, I didn’t argue with her. I was expecting an explanation and apology; she hasn’t apologized. Her explanation is always, I went to clear my head so I got another degree. She will pull her certificate and school ID to make her point.

Dave, in all truism, do you think my wife went to America to only study? Which woman leaves her children for two years? Even though our parents were helping with the children in her absence, don’t you think she owes me an explanation? It’s been six years since she did this and she’s not said anything different. And it’s been bothering me; because I know the woman I married, she is vengeful. She cheated on me too. I just want to know so I can call it a draw.

Image Credit: Stanley Morales

HE IS THE PRESENT PAST

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

I feel very ashamed to be sharing this with you but Dave, do not judge me. I am only human. On my wedding day, I was in a heated conversation with my ex-boyfriend about my decision to marry my husband. My ex is divorced but he was married when we were dating. I was seeing him because he had told me he was getting a divorce. Two years in a relationship with him and his divorce wasn’t happening, so I moved on. I love my husband but I was thinking about my ex when I was saying “I do”. Ten months after I was married, my ex got his divorce. It all happened too fast Dave.

I have been having sex and secret meetings with my ex since I found out about his divorce. He has rented a house where he now lives and that’s where we meet. He wants me to divorce my husband for him. I believe him. I know he is in love with me. Dave, I take my ring off anything I leave the house to go to work. It’s like, I want to be single when I am not home. When I compare the sex between me and my husband and me and my ex, I love the sex my ex gives me. I like the way my ex treats me; I like the way my ex talks to me. He hasn’t changed. He is still the same person I have always known and admired.

I don’t want to throw away a good marriage and family. My husband is a good guy; he takes very good care of our children. But I am scared about pushing my own happiness aside all because I have a husband and children. David, I never stopped loving my ex-boyfriend. I moved on because I didn’t want to remain the side chick of a married man. He was in the process of divorcing; I just couldn’t wait for so long that time. I regret rushing to date my husband, because if I had exercised patience, I would be with the man I truly love. I have more sex with my ex than I have with my husband. Sometimes, I get so tired from my meetings with my ex, I have to fake headaches and sleepiness to avoid my husband’s advances.

I don’t know what to do. I am scared of breaking my home and making things complicated for my children. I am scared of what people will say if I leave my husband for my ex. I am scared of losing my ex because I am still married to my husband. My ex understands the situation I find myself in and he is willing to give me time to make a decision. I don’t know what to do; I want to be happy, Dave. How do I find happiness in this situation?

Image Credit: Arina Krasnikova

LINDA

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 15 Comments

I have been writing and deleting this story for 28 days now, Dave. I don’t know how to write it well. I want to celebrate my wife Linda, because these memories I share with her are precious for my life but I don’t know how to whirl my words to capture the moment. The first day I met my wife, it was drizzling on the motorway. She was walking very fast to find a place to hide. She was holding a bag; I stopped on the side to give her a lift.

She was going to Tema. It was one of those days that I felt like helping a stranger. When she sat in my car, I realized she was crying. She looked tired and wanted to take a rest. I wanted to know what was wrong with her, but she didn’t want to talk to me. When we reached the tollbooth, she asked me to buy her water and bread. She ate and drank side by side. She thanked me and answered my question; she was crying because no one would buy what she left the house to go and sell. What was she selling? Her wedding gown. She wanted just GHs 700 for  the dress because she was broke. When we got to Tema, she showed me the dress. What was the original price when she bought it fresh? GHs 3500. She didn’t want to sell it because she believed it held the pinnacles of her beauty; her romance, her story. But she needed money. She had sold almost all her valuables. I gave her GHs 1000 and asked her to keep the dress. We exchanged numbers and became friends. I got to know she was divorced and had a son.

I was not having second thoughts about my friendship with her. She was the one; I wasn’t hyped about her 24/7 but Dave, I wasn’t bored liking her almost every day. My day dreams were about her. How she related to me kept my interest in her. Our communication was on the daily basis and we got to know one another better. She no longer felt like my friend, she was my lover in my mind. She wasn’t manipulative; she doesn’t say disparaging things to me. She celebrates all of my accomplishments. I could not push her boundaries to get what I wanted. I respect my wife so much. Two months after becoming friends, I invited her to stay in my house for the weekend. She hasn’t left eight years later.

Since I met my wife, we’ve made each other better versions of ourselves. When we held hands on our wedding day, I told myself to remember that, Linda is my best friend. I didn’t care how long we had known each other. She is the mother of our children; the woman to care for me till death do us part. The woman I will love till we are old and grey and dead. David, words cannot describe how I felt when her son walked her down the aisle to marry me. Because she told me all about her first marriage, I have made sure in our eight years of marriage, not to clam up about any issue, nor withdraw from one another when we argue. We do not dwell too much on what hurts us between us. We do not hold onto a grudge; we have made sure not to walk on eggshells around one another, nor allow bitterness to build when we have disagreements. There hasn’t been an accumulation of hurts from our indifferences.

I don’t spend too much time on phone or social media. I make time for my wife and children. I don’t lie about my finances. I don’t have affairs; I help with house chores around the house. My children are my priority when I am home. I am keeping my promises to my wife and don’t have any intentions to sabotage my marriage.

My sweet Linda, you have allowed me to be imperfect. You have lived with all of my faults. I thank you for being everything and more than I deserve. My wife wore the same gown she was selling. We are writing our own story.

Image Credit: Yndira Dejesús

ACCIDENTALLY UNINJURED

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

My husband drives over the speed limit every time. We were attending his uncle’s funeral in Tarkwa. He was driving at speeds too fast for the road and traffic conditions. I was scared for my life, and so I told him to drop me at a junction. It became a quarrel but I insisted to travel on my own in a public transport. He dropped me by the roadside and sped off. An hour and 45 minutes later, our bus passed his car. He had been involved in an accident. I didn’t bother to get off the bus because he was uninjured, and talking to someone on his phone. His car was damaged though.

Dave, I was glad he was fine. When I got to Tarkwa, his family asked if I knew he had been involved in an accident. I lied; his mother asked again if I was sure I didn’t know he had been involved in an accident, because her son called to tell her that he had seen me in the bus when we passed. I told her I didn’t know about any accident. I called my husband’s phone four times but he didn’t answer. His mother and sisters started to give me attitude at the funeral. I left Tarkwa and his family’s bullshit after the funeral. I switched my phone off till I returned to my children in Accra. His best friend called me and I didn’t know he was with him, and that, the phone call had been put on speaker.

He asked about the accident and I told him what happened before we decided to travel our separate ways. I told him I was glad I wasn’t in the car with him because I could have been injured or dead by now. He jumped in the conversation to ask if I was happy, he had an accident. My husband came home two days later and he completely changed towards me. Dave, why should he have a problem with me thanking God for not riding in the car with him? I have already thanked God for preserving his life; but I am most grateful for my own.

It’s been two months now and he hasn’t slept in our bed. He has been sleeping out a lot and he does not eat when I cook. He has invited his mother to stay with us and cook for him. I don’t have a problem with that; but his mother disrespecting and calling me a witch yesterday? Dave, I will slap the hell out of her eh! Were they expecting me to have been in that accident with my husband? He wants me to disrespect his mother, so he can hold something against me. I am keeping my cool but that in-law is trying my last patience. This morning I was cooking for my children; she had the gut to take their food off the fire and started to prepare a meal for her son.

Who does that?

Image Credit: Artyom Kulakov

YESTERDAY TODAY

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Dear David,

Can I use a personal experience to speak to ladies who read from your Facebook page? The man I used to love yesterday belongs to someone else today. Before today, we wanted to explore life; me and my ex-husband. We started life together living in a one-bedroom apartment, somewhere in Dzorwulu. We started adjusting to the wind and grind of real life after our wedding and honeymoon quickly. We were naked to win. It was a girl. We lay bare two years later, it was a boy. Dave, I follow through a promise; everything I said before ‘I do’, I meant it. So, you can imagine when I grew a sense of shock after the first revelation. It was stunning; it was sad. I was heartbroken. I could not believe my own was her own.

I ran through all my previous moments with my ex-husband that had made me feel loved. I was prepared not to judge him as a man; I was prepared not to judge him as the husband who couldn’t follow through the vows he made to me on the altar. I stayed calm to forgive. In fact, I believe in talking. He said romance between us was dwindling. What could I do to inspire a better sex life? ABCDEFG, he wanted; I did! It spiced things up a bit.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t be the husband he vowed to be weeks later. He couldn’t be the man I needed him to be, and so I had to respect who he was, and choose the man he was or find the man I wanted for me. Dave, there was a great guy underneath all the affairs and lies. My ex-husband has a lot of qualities I want, but he was not the man I needed to be married. I had to be single again.

Six years later, my heart started to pound with strange excitement. Mr. Arthur wanted to ‘Mrs. Arthur’ me. I had two weeks to think about his proposal. All at once, in-between the proposal week, I saw my main gate open. It was my ex-husband.

“I want to make it up to you.”

He wanted a third chance. Dave, have you ever thrown away garbage and gone back to the truck to pick back the trash? 2022 is my 7-year Mrs. Arthur ride. I said “Yes” to Mr. Arthur, because his actions tell me beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is the husband I need. The going has been tough; we fight, but with Mr. Arthur, it is worth every sleepless night and bad days.

Image Credit: Markus Spiske

POPULAR

Contact Us

  • maildmbir@gmail.com

Copyright 2022 David B - All Rights Reserved | Design: Javanet Systems