CLOSELY APART – MAAME

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 4: Maame is fine by me.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

MAAME: I am a very passionate person and I love with everything I am. I am very trustworthy, and so I hate lies; I say things just as it is.

DBM: How long have you been married?

MAAME: 11 years in June.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

MAAME: I preferred a man who could love and care about me, and most importantly, become my friend. My husband did fit into the category because we were friends for a year and half before we became lovers.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

MAAME: He came looking for a friend in my church and we met. l helped him find the friend.  The interesting thing is, he had the guts to tell me that very day that he would marry me, because l am a very helpful person and caring too.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

MAAME: So l thought at first, but currently, no!

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

MAAME: This was when we started dating as lovers; we dated for five years before marriage. He asked me to cook for him the first time and l undercooked the rice; it was so hard, he laughed so much at me.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

MAAME: I fell sick seriously and his love and care for me to get well was something else.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

MAAME: Yes, I find my husband to be extremely attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

MAAME: I was trying to always listen to him when he talked with me but he doesn’t listen to me; it’s like, all the things I say during a deeper conversation with him are senseless. Due to that l do not really listen to him lately.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

MAAME: He is a husband to me in public, but to be honest, we are currently co-existing because of our children.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

MAAME: To love and to hold, till death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

MAAME: When we used to drive around town together; how l miss those good old days, hmmmmm!

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

MAAME: No, l don’t love him anymore. l just feel sense of obligation towards him because of my kids.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

MAAME: I don’t trust him anymore.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

MAAME: I am always there for him when he needs me.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

MAAME: No emotional feelings for him anymore.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

MAAME: I don’t feel secure with him in this marriage; I am guessing he is also sticking with me because of the kids and his old age.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

MAAME: I want to be happy with my kids and I don’t see my husband to be a part of this happiness I anticipate for my future.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

MAAME: With me, sex starts outside the bedroom; how you relate and treat me; how to talk to me and look at me, how you smile at me, etc. I really need to feel connected to you before anything physical (intimately) can mean something to me.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

MAAME: 4 out of 10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

MAAME: Love is an everyday relationship; how you make the one you love be your first priority.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

MAAME: I don’t feel loved what-so-ever. My husband only remembers l exist when he wants sex; in fact, that is the only moment he will smile at me and pretend he cares. But when he is done, I am forgotten.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

MAAME: I believe no one is perfect but I try my best to be in our marriage.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

MAAME: I have never, and will never cheat on my husband – so far as I am married to him.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

MAAME: KG, l never thought we would be close but yet so far apart. I have come to realize that loving someone is never enough to marry that person. I pray you see that we are far apart and find it important to fight for our marriage to work.

Image Credit: Jill Burrow