AFIA

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 3: Afia.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

AFIA: I’m a decorator and designer. I am jovial, hardworking, dedicated and a home maker.

DBM: How long have you been married?

AFIA: 11 years

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

AFIA: A born again Christian; he had to be slim, fair, average height, hardworking, jovial and romantic. My husband did not fit into my exact specifications. He has got the complexion and height all right; he is also hardworking but extremely selfish. My husband is nothing close to being romantic.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

AFIA: We were working in the same department in church and got connected just like that.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

AFIA: No!

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

AFIA: I make him laugh most of the time, because of my sarcastic/funny and jovial nature.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

AFIA: Hmmmmm! We were always together on phone or physically. He was sharing the little (gifts and IT knowledge) he had with me. He always wanted me to be on the same level with him. He was constantly talking about marriage and it came to a time, he asked, and I gave him the “yes” to his proposal.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

AFIA: No! His dressing has changed to how he was when we met; he pays less attention to his appearance and breath. He doesn’t care if he stays the whole day without bathing. A lot has gone back to how he was and I feel I forced him to change.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

AFIA: It depends, but nowadays I just listen to formulate an answer.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

AFIA: If not for the fact that he’s being controlled by his mom (because he’s an only son) I think he’d be doing well.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

AFIA: In sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer. As for ‘till death’ only God knows.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

AFIA: When I’m singing and he’s playing the organ or guitar, or when we sleep or sit or taking our bath and we’re singing in harmony. At times, he sings tenor whiles I sing soprano, or he sings baritone when I take the tenor.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

AFIA: No! My love unfortunately is growing weaker by day and that’s draining.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

AFIA: Not anymore. The trust vanished the very day he allowed the mom and sister to chase me out of the house because I refused the mom to be serving him food daily; having a daily convo from 7pm to 11pm, stocking our fridge with her soups and stews, which they claim is specially made ‘with love’; bringing another lady for him to marry because we don’t have our own children (which is not my fault but his, and yet, I have decided to shield him)

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

AFIA: As much as he’s available physically and emotionally.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

AFIA: I don’t!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

AFIA: I do not feel secure in my marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

AFIA: May be apart.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

AFIA: I’m not really the sex type.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

AFIA: 1 out 10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

AFIA: Dedication, commitment to one another, sacrifice; being faithful to one another, service to one another and placing the significant other before every other thing or person.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

AFIA: No! And this started from the sixth month of our marriage.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

AFIA: Yes, because he keeps saying it.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

AFIA: No! Not during dating or even in the marriage.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

AFIA: Dear husband of my youth, I have loved you with everything in me. I have accepted to be your wife even at your lowest state when you were not working and making any sensible money. I promised to share the little I have with you and I have been doing it till now. You know from day one that your mother doesn’t want me in your life because of my tribe. I guess you ignored her because you loved me. You know you are the cause of our inability to have kids up to now, yet you hid it from me until recently. Even that, I accepted everything in good faith. You don’t take care of me but I don’t complain. Your friends always tell you I’m a good wife and you laugh at it. I promised to stay with you even against the odds, and yet, you are not ready to stay because of your mom; as you keep saying it to the hearing of even our counsellors. I have been the one looking for solutions, both medically and spiritually. You choose to watch movies or Facebook whenever I’m having a midnight prayer for us, even though you are the problem. What hurts me most is that, you don’t seem to be moved. I have always told you that even an elastic band has its limit. I have reached that elastic limit and it may break soon.

Image Credit: Jan Koetsier