Let’s Talk To Okaile

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 100: Okaile

DBM: Hello Okaile. How would you describe yourself?

Okaile: 🙆🏽‍

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Okaile: 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Okaile: My husband’s boss has asked me out, and he says my husband gave him my phone number and the go-ahead to approach me. My husband did not deny it when I confronted him. All he said was, his pending promotion depends on it, and he wants me to do something I have never done for him.

DBM: Did he state exactly what he wants you to do – which you have never done for him?

Okaile: Yes! He wants me to have one-time romantic affair with his boss

DBM: In other words, sleep with his boss?

Okaile: Yes

DBM: How long have you been married?

Okaile: Nine years

DBM: Kids?

Okaile: Yes, we have a son.

DBM: How old is your son?

Okaile: He is six years

DBM: Why do you think your husband is bold enough to request such from you?

Okaile: David, I am shocked. He thinks it would be a fun experience for me – since he is the only man I have known intimately, for the past 10 years.

DBM: Do you find the request funny?

Okaile: Absolutely not!

DBM: Are you the only woman your husband has known sexually, since you married?

Okaile: I don’t know, but I hope yes

DBM: Has he ever given you a reason not to trust him?

Okaile: No!

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Okaile: He was begging me to consider doing it for his sake

DBM: Your husband?

Okaile: Yes!

DBM: Have you spoken up about your frustration?

Okaile: I told him I will not do it

DBM: And?

Okaile: He says he desperately needs this promotion because it’s everything he’s wanted. I am disappointed in my husband. I feel very angry right now

DBM: Bottling up all these feelings will only make the bitterness boil

Okaile: When I tell him no, he keeps begging me to consider

DBM: What’s your deepest fear?

Okaile: That he will use it against me someday

DBM: Or leave you

Okaile: Exactly!

DBM: Do not experiment anything thrown at you, simply because it would make your husband’s dream come true

Okaile: I think I caused it

DBM: How is that?

Okaile: I have been the one always telling my husband that he can count on me through thick and thin. Dave, I deeply care about his needs, and I have been constantly there for him any time he’s needed me.

DBM: And this was the best test he could throw your way?

Okaile: He recently bought me a new car. I am just finding out it actually was a gift given to me by his boss. They had talked about me months ago, and had discussed what could pull me in the challenge. A cheque of £5,000 was also presented to me

DBM: Why is his boss interested in you?

Okaile: I know him

DBM: Prior to your husband working for him?

Okaile: Yes!

DBM: How do you know him?

Okaile: We used to date

DBM: Before you met your husband?

Okaile: Yes

DBM: Why didn’t the relationship work out?

Okaile: He was married

DBM: Is he single now?

Okaile: No! He is still married

DBM: Does your husband know about your past with him?

Okaile: I don’t think so. After ending things with him, I made sure we didn’t remain friends

DBM: How long was this?

Okaile: 14 years ago. Now that my husband has given my number to him, he’s been messaging me frequently.

DBM: Your best bet would be having a one-on-one conversation with your ex.

Okaile: I can’t

DBM: Why can’t you?

Okaile: I wouldn’t be able to draw any boundaries if I am to meet with him

DBM: Do you have any trust in your marriage to your husband?

Okaile: I do

DBM: So, what’s the problem then?

Okaile: I don’t trust myself

DBM: You have not gotten over him?

Okaile: I thought I did. The spark might rekindle looking at how I am feeling right now

DBM: Awww! Poor you!

Okaile: I feel so bad

DBM: Did you love him?

Okaile: With all of my heart

DBM: Sometimes eh, our connections with certain exes can be as special as however long it takes to heal

Okaile: I don’t think I healed from that break-up

DBM: Didn’t it ever occur to you when your husband applied for a job with him?

Okaile: I didn’t know he was the owner of that company. Our relationship was a one-way street. I never asked questions or bothered to know more about him. We broke up because I found out he had a wife. And, he was my first boyfriend.

DBM: You need to tell your husband. He is currently your most important focus

Okaile: I can’t

DBM: This is something that has gone on in your life that you should be able to easily tell your husband, if he’s able to pitch his boss to you

Okaile: You will not understand

DBM: Help me understand

Okaile: My ex is the first man I ever loved. I told my husband about him; I just didn’t put a name to the description. If I become his friend again, it will quickly turn to romance. Our emotions will be stirred all over again, and the romance I thought I put away will begin to take form and shape. Those strong feelings I had for him will rear its ugly head; and the one-time escapade for my husband’s sake will turn to other secret meetings. I will start lying to my husband because of an affair.  That old flame wasn’t properly laid down.

DBM: But you’ve carried new fire for nine years, no?

Okaile: The old never died

DBM: You need to tell your husband, if the thought of his suggestion already is making you develop hidden feelings for your ex. Your husband wasn’t uncomfortable about the idea of you sleeping with his boss. Tell him, even if this disclosure will make you feel embarrassed.

Image Credit: Beingthetraveller