Passion Dance

Ava: Can we chat?

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Sure

Ava: I’m dating a guy who is getting a divorce. We co-own a house and three different plots of land. My name is on all the deeds of the properties because he doesn’t want to give his ex-wife access to them.

DBM: He is married.

Ava: No, he’s in the process of divorcing. They’ve been separated for two years

DBM: He’s still married. Has he showed you a signed divorce decree from a judge?

Ava: No.

DBM: Okay! He’s legally married.

Ava: His wife sent a text message to members of my church and everybody at my workplace, telling them I’m sleeping with her husband.

DBM: Are you sleeping with her husband?

Ava: Dave, my relationship with her ex-husband has nothing to do with her.

DBM: How long have you two been together?

Ava: Two years. Almost three years

DBM: How did she know where you work and church?

Ava: I don’t know but I received phone calls from 45 of my church members and 17 of my colleagues from work about her text messages. She has really embarrassed me.

DBM: I’m sorry about that. What is her husband saying about what she did to you?

Ava: He’s handling it

DBM: How?

Ava: I don’t know, but he’s handling it.

DBM: Okay! You know it’s never too late to be a better version of the woman you want to be? A man jumps into a new relationship with you while still tied to his wife, and it’s not a bother to you?

Ava: What do you mean by that? I’m my best self

DBM: Okay! Are you happy in the relationship?

Ava: Very happy, Dave. He treats me well

DBM: Does he treat his wife well?

Ava: How does that concern me? Anytime he looks at his wife, though he cares about her, he doesn’t feel the same level of attraction, excitement and love he once did.

DBM: She’s a woman he’s very familiar with and has known longer than you. He even married her. If he’s not treating her right, then his character will sooner than later catch up with you too. Does that not ever cross your mind?

Ava: We are two different people, Dave. His relationship with her has got nothing on what we have. Secondly, he says anytime he expresses how he feels about their marriage to her, he now has to deal with how she feels about his feelings as well. That’s why he deals with his thoughts on his own.

DBM: Betrayal often repeats itself

Ava: I love him. He is in love with me too

DBM: Love doesn’t change men like these overnight. Your love will never be enough to keep him faithful.

Ava: I am pregnant and he’s asking me to get rid of it.

DBM: Why?

Ava: He’s done with parenting.

DBM: How old is he?

Ava: 50

DBM: How old are his children?

Ava: His last born is 16 years old

DBM: How old are you?

Ava: 34. I want to keep the pregnancy

DBM: You want to have a child for a man who is trying anything to avoid taking responsibility for his actions?

Ava: No one is perfect, Dave. We all have our weaknesses.

DBM: You’re not responsible for someone else’s weakness. You’re responsible for your own.

Ava: His mother wants me to keep the pregnancy

DBM: How did she know about you?

Ava: She knows about me. She approves of our relationship.

DBM: I see!

Ava: I’m worried that he may want to end things with me if he finds out about my decision.

DBM: Be worried about the lies he will be telling you that will keep getting bigger and bigger, because it’s hard for men like him to stop. It’s automatic

Ava: You’re not helping, Dave.

Image Credit: RDNE Stock project