Locked Down

Barnabas: Something tragic happened to me in 2020, March 25^th. I was attacked and robbed at gunpoint while jogging on a deserted road. Two guys and a lady I did not know came at me with a gun and knife. I’m usually up and running by 4:00 am before going to work. As I was listening to music as usual, I noticed a girl stranded by the roadside by her car. She had long, curly black hair and a white dress that made her look like the type I usually went for. I first ran past her and I was immediately drawn to her because she smelled so good.

I run back after a minute to where she was, and we started talking. Her car had broken down and was waiting for daylight so she could find the nearest mechanic. I knew a mechanic. I took out my phone to call him. I made a quick attempt to look in her eyes and smile but I caught a glimmer of contempt in the way she half-turned towards me, but without looking back at me. Before the call could go through, two guys came out of nowhere to attack me. It happened so fast. My body became their battleground, filled with bruises. I tried fighting back but they head buttered me to the point where my vision began to blur. They took away my housekeys and phone, jumped into the lady’s car and sped off. What happened to me that day changed the course of my life and work.

I am usually a hypervigilant person, always predicting a risky scenario and trying to avoid it. So, this attack took me by surprise. I gained consciousness in a stranger’s bed. The physical wounds were hurting but I had been cleaned, dressed and medicated. As the day wore on, I found myself feeling more and more comfortable and around him. I found out he was a doctor and was returning home from his night shift when he saw me bleeding and semi-conscious by the roadside. We talked for minutes but could not explain why I was vulnerable to the attack in the first place. I didn’t know what the attackers wanted from me. They took my phone but what did I do wrong? The thought of not knowing and the fact that those three people were still at large, troubled me.

He decided to take me home when he was preparing to go to work that evening. We got to my house and I had been robbed. They took my keys for a reason. They knew where I stayed. We reported the incident to the police but the way the officers handled my case left me adrift. One officer asked what I might have done to provoke this, even though he was staring at the evidence of assault all over my body. I was still recovering from the bruises to my head and face, knife wounds and my emotional collapse.

The doctor passed by my house after his shift the next morning to check on me and dress my wounds again. We continued to talk and discovered that we had a lot in common. We talked for hours while helping to put my house in order. He cooked for me, took his bath and fell asleep on my couch. When he got up from his sleep, we talked some more, laughed and joked like we had known each other for years although it was easy for me to make a soft joke out of anything due to my funny nature. He introduced himself to me. I introduced myself to him and that was how our friendship began.

COVID-19 happened and I was still in recovery mode from the attack. My new friend bought me a new phone, kept checking on me and cooking for me. I started to like him every day of the week. I loved his sense of humor, his kindness and friendship. I knew I wanted to spend more time knowing him. I started talking about my hopes, aspirations and fears with him. I’m usually sharing this kind of information with women I was attracted to. This felt different. He spent every spare moment he had with me. We did road trips together to explore the city and beyond. It was friendship but I didn’t think it was all about friendship. I had developed feelings for him and was falling more and more in love with him.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): You were falling in love with a guy?

Barnabas: Yes. I was attracted to him as an individual. It wasn’t anything sexual at first.

DBM: Are you same sex attracted?

Barnabas: I wasn’t before meeting him. We’ve done intimate things together since. Deep down I knew there was something going on with how I felt about him. I became open and curious and didn’t stress about it too much. It’s a bit confusing though.

DBM: It’s understandable to be confused. It can take time and work to finally come to terms with your sexual identity in a specific moment and experience. Stay true to what feels right to you.

Barnabas: He likes men though.

DBM: I figured

Barnabas: How?

DBM: A straight man would have rushed you straight to the hospital. Gay men tend to be intuitively caring and wouldn’t mind adjusting their schedule just to be your hero. They will test your boundaries even with the purest of intentions.

Barnabas: I think I am turning gay. He’s brought excitement in the way I think of him.

DBM: There is no definite way of knowing. It’s just how you feel

Barnabas: We’ve been together since COVID lockdown.

DBM: Nice. Late last year, a TV production company and major content studio expressed interest in adapting some of my Facebook inbox messages and conversations into a film series. Do you mind me including your story?

Barnabas: You have my permission.

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Royal Rouge