Tag: Family

Let’s Talk To True

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 74: True or False

DBM: True, Hello! How would you describe yourself?

True: A loving and concerned father who is not perfect, but trying to do the right things by my children the best way possible.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

True: 7 thereabouts

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

True: I want to talk about my oldest daughter. Because of the nature of the situation at hand, I prefer starting from where it all begun. When I met my wife, she already had this child. She was almost five years old when I married her mother. My wife’s first husband had died when the girl was just two years old. I showed up in their lives when she was four years of age, and I have played her father-figure since. She’s 22 years old now.

DBM: Were you a single-dad, divorced or widowed when you met her mother?

True: I was a single man with no child or ex/late wife.

DBM: Okay

True: I love my wife, but she came with the additional ‘burden’ of her child. Honestly, I wasn’t ready to be a father, but I graciously took on the responsibility of being there for her and her daughter; something I actually regret now

DBM: Why is that?

True: I found out later on that, she didn’t really love me. She is with me because I can provide her and the daughter with security. Dave, when you’re just an option to a single-mother in need of your support, that’s how it plays out.

DBM: How long did it take for her daughter to get used to the idea of you, as her daddy?

True: It took a while, but I think I am good with kids, and so we bonded somehow. She used to talk to me separately about everything, before going to her mother with the same information.

DBM: You really believe you meant nothing but an option to your wife?

True: I could never be her top priority in the relationship

DBM: But she had a daughter that had to come first. Most children I know would even wonder why their mothers are with different men, other than their biological fathers.

True: But the husband/father in question was dead

DBM: A mother or wife, putting her children first does not mean she doesn’t care about you. Truth is, most of these women put their kids before themselves. Does that also mean they do not care about their own selves?

True: I expected more from my wife.

DBM: I get you. Anyways, let’s get back to your story. What did your daughter do?

True: I had a lunch meeting with a client in one of the leading hotels in Accra, and I saw my daughter seated in the waiting area, sipping a drink, dressed like a ‘working girl’. An old Caucasian man approached her, talked to her for some time, and they got up to use the elevator to his room. I got up to them and asked where she was going with him. I asked her to leave the hotel and she refused, giving me attitude. I introduced myself to the man as her father, and she had the nerve to tell him I am not her father. I was angry, and so I said some unprintable words to her and she insulted me back. She embarrassed me in front of everyone, and left with the man to his room.

DBM: Why did you have to embarrass your daughter in that manner?

True: Me? Why are you blaming me for trying to stop my daughter from prostituting herself?

DBM: She is 22 years old, for crying out loud. Your responsibility as her father was to raise and educate her before sending her off to the world – which I believe you have done, no?

True: Yes, and still doing. A parent’s job is never-ending

DBM: You have done your part helping her to grow up to become an independent thinker. You need to trust in her ability to make the right decision.

True: Being a hooker is the right decision?

DBM: Did she tell you she’s a prostitute?

True: I witnessed what she was doing

DBM: Your daughter is a grown-ass woman, who knows what is right and wrong. People will do things we least expect of them. Children will make horrible, terrible mistakes that you the parent could have avoided. Such is life sometimes when we are dealing with people. Whatever your daughter is up to, actively contributes to her learning and education process. What didn’t you do at her age?

True: Does that mean I can’t correct her when she’s heading in the wrong direction?

DBM: Your job as her father is not necessarily to protect her from herself and her mistakes. Children have needs and desires, which you and her mother ought to be anticipating. Be her parent when she asks or needs you to be. Be there for her to deal with disappointments when she needs you. Till then, pray for her to become a responsible adult and just let her be

True: You are just like her mother, always taking the side of her daughter. This has made her turn against me in the house. She’s very disrespectful because she knows her mother will support her.

DBM: I am not taking sides. I am just stating the obvious. Again, it’s your house; if she’s rude towards you, kick her the hell out. It’s as simple as that! You cannot be living under my roof and be giving me attitude.

True: My biggest fear is her influence on my other children. I have two boys and two girls with her mother. The younger ladies all look up to her. Imagine them finding out she’s been sleeping with older men to make money?

DBM: Are you in any way, feeling lost or having self-doubt about how you’re doing as their father?

True: Of course not!

DBM: Then, there is nothing to worry about. We’ve all grown and developed our own identities, standards and beliefs that conflicts with those of our parents. It doesn’t make us bad human beings if our different values lead to tension and disagreements.

Image Credit: JD Bond

Let’s Talk To Antobam

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 51: The name is Antobam

DBM: Hello Antobam. How would you describe yourself?

Antobam: A mother of four, capable of supporting myself and my family. Been divorced since May, 2022, and at my age, I don’t think I need to be relying on any man or even society for validation.

DBM: May I know your age, please?

Antobam: 46

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Antobam: My divorce

DBM: How long were you married?

Antobam: 19 years

DBM: Wow! That’s a lot of years

Antobam: The first five years were good, but from the sixth to the nineteenth year, I wanted to end the marriage – even though I didn’t believe in divorce. My ex-husband doesn’t believe in divorce

DBM: Interesting

Antobam: Yes! We’re actually very happily divorced, if there is anything like that

DBM: Explain

Antobam: Love couldn’t conquer it all in our situation, because we both had other needs that weren’t being met. My ex-husband loved me like no other; I loved him dearly, however, our priorities had different angles and twists to it; we viewed and understood love differently

DBM: How so?

Antobam: I wouldn’t know how to explain it: I wanted more. I see myself as a leader, and since my early years, I have taken charge of situations. My strength is quiet and reserved but it shines through at the end of the day. I make and take calculated risks, so once I am convinced about something, I am not scared to pursue it.

DBM: Was marriage not something you were enthused about?

Antobam: I dreamed of being in love, being loved, wedded and married. I dreamed of having children and raising them together with my husband. All these, I accomplished. I however forgot to dream about finding happiness with all these combined

DBM: You weren’t happily married?

Antobam: I was. I mean I was married to a great guy. But only for the first five years. My marriage reached its expiration date on the sixth year, and I knew I had to pack it all in but I couldn’t.

DBM: Why not?

Antobam: I was pregnant with our third child. Then I had the fourth. We wanted to raise the children in a family unit

DBM: Did your husband know you wanted out?

Antobam: I told him two weeks before finding out about our third pregnancy.

DBM: How did he feel?

Antobam: He said he felt he was also trying so hard to make our marriage work, which shouldn’t have been the case. A healthy marriage shouldn’t feel like ‘work’, though it’s work. We weren’t passionate about one another or the marriage; I wasn’t infatuated about my ex-husband; he did not excite me or my thoughts… I could not feel myself changing for the better

DBM: Well, that can be understood because it’s no longer ‘new’. You had both become familiar with each other, no? I wouldn’t expect a ‘sparkly’ feeling at this stage

Antobam: It wasn’t just about feelings. I lost myself and couldn’t see my life from a distance. I could not pinpoint exactly what our marriage was working toward. I have a very busy schedule at work, and trust me, my job doesn’t paralyze me.

DBM: Is that how you felt about your marriage?

Antobam: Yes! Dave, when you are excited about your marriage, and something about it isn’t living up to the standards you both set, you feel disappointed and frustrated. If the parties involved want the relationship so bad, you will be committed to doing something to be better than you used to be – in order to bring it up there to your smoothness level.

DBM: I concur

Antobam: I didn’t want to go through all that struggle.

DBM: How about your husband?

Antobam: It was too much work and a pain in his ass to push in so much effort. It got to a point, I found no interest in talking to anyone about my marriage. He is the type that is concerned about the opinions of others, and so he did his best putting up a front of the ‘happily’ married man.

DBM: In your opinion, a good marriage looks like what?

Antobam: It should look and feel like this task or job you’ve decided to do. Deep down you know it isn’t the easiest project to take on, yet it doesn’t feel so challenging to the extent that – you’re unable to do it right. Marriage is good when you feel your partner doesn’t overwhelm you with so much. He or she is just right for you, even after the bullshit.

DBM: Whereby ‘bullshit’ means?

Antobam: Anything they’re doing, or the relationship is presenting to you – which you can’t tolerate. When the marriage is good, you see the good in your partner, especially on the days they’re not of their best behavior. Nothing they do blows you away negatively.

DBM: I am learning something today

Antobam: I would not have divorced my husband, if I admired him for who he is. It’s unfortunate, but I couldn’t find myself admiring him from a place of happiness. You’re happy from a place of admiration if the piece of work smells and looks like something you’re proud of, because you contributed to its success.

DBM: I so get your point.

Antobam: Great!

DBM: Do you feel like you’ve failed at marriage?

Antobam: This was an experience for me, Dave, and I learned a thing or two from it. I can confidently say that, I can choose to open myself up to the likelihood of love again. But most importantly, I have the strength to guard my heart by walking away from unhappiness.

DBM: How does he feel about everything?

Antobam: He respects my decision to not stay married. He’s forgiven me, I have forgiven him and forgiven myself for letting our children down. He’s happy. He’s dating a very nice woman, and he smiles a lot lately

DBM: How do you feel about everything?

Antobam: Divorce isn’t always a bad idea. I can say mine has offered me a fresh start and opened a beautiful door, which is also leading me to a much better future

DBM: How is your relationship with him like?

Antobam: Awesome. As I said earlier, my ex-husband is a good man, and we both played a role in the end of our marriage. We know that it takes two to either break or make a marriage work. We want to maintain our friendship and be the best parents for our children, because we’re going to be in each other’s lives for the longest time, co-parenting.

DBM: And the children?

Antobam: They understand what’s going on, and we have explained why we can’t be married to them. We have also made them understand that, they are our key lens, and the most important basis and platform from which we would make every decision. It’s always going to be about what is best for them.

DBM: I think I like you

Antobam: Lol! I like you too, David. As it stands now, you’re the only person to get me to open up this easily. You’re doing a great job with your Facebook. Also, thank you for the exceptional live performance you shared on Facebook this Tuesday. I couldn’t stop myself from watching you sing that song.  It was so powerful.

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Uriel Mont

 

Let’s Talk To Automatic

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 49: Automatic is my name

DBM: Hello Automatic. How would you describe yourself?

Automatic: I love who I am, and I have a solid source of motivation that drives me to do my best. I am hardworking, passion-driven and as real as you’d want me to be. I am in my 40’s, married and a father.

DBM: What would you want to talk about?

Automatic: I’ve gone through different stages of losses, and would want to touch on a few. I put in the ground, two of my children; I’ve lost a job and opportunities; I lost my wife’s trust in me; I almost lost my mind.

DBM: Wow! That’s a tall list of losses. How did it feel like when you lost your job?

Automatic: I saw it coming, and I knew my employer was going to let me go. But it didn’t take me long to come to terms with the fact that, I was no longer employed – and that losing my job didn’t mean my career was also over.

DBM: How do you mean?

Automatic: I know that companies look for people who are motivated, open-minded and resilient. I had to psyche myself to be in that mood, so I could reconnect with my passion and interests.

DBM: Are you working now?

Automatic: Yes, and it’s the job of my dreams

DBM: How long did it take for you to land your dream job?

Automatic: It took almost four years. I had to stay positive throughout the period, and it helped me to get myself back on my feet.

DBM: You talked about the deaths of your children…

Automatic: Dave, nothing can be more overwhelming.

DBM: I can only imagine. How old were they?

Automatic: Eight and six

DBM: How many kids do you have?

Automatic: They used to be three. Now, I have just one.

DBM: How old is this one?

Automatic: Four years

DBM: Boy or girl?

Automatic: Daddy’s little girl.

DBM: What happened with the first two?

Automatic: Someone claiming to be my wife’s friend gave them apples after school. They brought it home, ate it and that was the last time we heard of them.

DBM: What happened to your wife’s friend?

Automatic: We never got to know which of her friends did that.

DBM: I don’t understand

Automatic: Whenever their driver picks them up from school, he calls either of us parents to speak with them. He called me when he brought them home. They told me they had been given apples. My mistake was not asking them the name of person. My wife got home first after work, and they were both dead.

DBM: Where was the third child?

Automatic: With my wife

DBM: Who attends to the children when they return home from school, if you both are working?

Automatic: My wife’s mother lives with us. But she had traveled to Kumasi that week.

DBM: Tell me about the experience

Automatic: It’s profound; one of the very difficult situations to find yourself in. And the challenge it threw to us was painful, gut-wrenching.

DBM: How did you move on?

Automatic: You don’t move on, because you’re reminded everyday by their absence, that they were supposed to be outliving you instead.

DBM: When did this happen?

Automatic: 2019

DBM: How is your wife coping with everything?

Automatic: She’s still mad at God, her mother; she’s mad at me, herself and whoever, in her opinion could have prevented this from happening to our children. She’s mad at the driver, the teachers at the school. It’s not been easy on her.

DBM: You also made mention of your wife not trusting you

Automatic: She still doesn’t trust me

DBM: What did you do?

Automatic: I was involved with another woman

DBM: When?

Automatic: Last year

DBM: Are you still involved with this other woman?

Automatic: I ended things with the hope of getting my relationship back on track with my wife; but then I realized, she may never trust me again.

DBM: So?

Automatic: I am seeing another woman.

DBM: Why are you with another woman?

Automatic: I am not happy in my own home. And, I think the love just isn’t there anymore

DBM: On your part or hers?

Automatic: Both, I think. I’ve been quiet because I was hoping things would improve, because we used to have a fulfilling marriage.

DBM: Before or after the death of your children?

Automatic: Before.

DBM: Do you want to stay married to your wife?

Automatic: Yes! She’s everything to me.

DBM: Is she that much into you and the marriage?

Automatic: I think the tragedy hasn’t made things easier on my wife. She had so many dreams and hopes for the children. She had a plan for their future, and those kids in particular had a bright future. We knew it, and discussed how best we could help fulfill them. My wife is empty, and I don’t think anything I do or say can fill the void. She’s still numb to the reality of what has happened to us, and I don’t think time can heal this.

DBM: You talked about almost losing your mind

Automatic: It’s in relation to this: my wife wouldn’t allow me to touch her. I think about sex, at least, once a day. Sex is my connection to my wife. It is through sex that I am able to express my vulnerable side. Intimacy is my love language; so imagine being denied it for more than two years? I understand we were grieving but man needs to get laid in the process. She blames me for not asking the children who gave them the apples. She thinks I am responsible for what happened because I didn’t put into consideration their safety first, when they told me what had been given them.

DBM: Do you blame yourself?

Automatic: I feel guilty to some extent.

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Friday

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 44: Friday

DBM: Hi Friday. Please tell me a little about yourself

Friday: Can we skip this part?

DBM: Why do you want to skip it?

Friday: There is not much to tell

DBM: I want to have an idea of you

Friday: I’m a guy

DBM: Married?

Friday: Yes

DBM: You have kids?

Friday: Yes

DBM: How long have you been married?

Friday: Nine years

DBM: How old are you?

Friday: 40

DBM: Nice meeting you. What do you want to talk about?

Friday: Two things: I just saw my wife’s original birth certificate. She’s the same age as me; meanwhile she’s made me believe for all these years that she’s seven years younger than me. The second issue: she has a child I didn’t know about. He is 11 years old and lives with his father. My wife is in communication with her baby-daddy, and I have been paying for this child’s fees and taking care of the boy and his father without my knowledge.

DBM: With regards to the birth certificate thing, couldn’t you easily guess her age at a glance?

Friday: Have you met my wife? You can never know by looking at her. She’s nowhere near old

DBM: I see, but did you choose to assume she was younger or she put a number to her age?

Friday: She’s the one who lied about her age when we started dating

DBM: Has she confirmed the existence of an 11-year-old son to you?

Friday: Yes, after confronting her with evidence

DBM: Where did you find such evidence?

Friday: I read through a series of texts on her phone, which revealed that they had a past, have a present and future. I had her followed afterwards.

DBM: This is a lot to deal with

Friday: I know Dave, cry me a river, because she has been sleeping with her son’s father – all throughout our marriage.

DBM: No!

Friday: Yes!

DBM: But why would she do such a thing to you?

Friday: She says her baby-daddy is the guy who brings out her confident, sexy self, and she doesn’t know how to stop loving him because she’s deeply connected to him.

DBM: What do you bring to her life?

Friday: Security, comfort, and love. She says that’s why she fell in love with me too

DBM: Why would the first guy allow her to be married to you, if they’re still an item?

Friday: I was their financial gateway

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Friday: I don’t know if my children are mine

DBM: Have you asked your wife?

Friday: She claims they’re mine but I don’t believe a single word coming out of her mouth.

DBM: Do they look like they’re yours?

Friday: I don’t know.

DBM: Have you asked how many times they’ve been sleeping together?

Friday: Twice a week

DBM: For how long?

Friday: Since we started dating.

DBM: Have you spoken to the guy?

Friday: The three of us had a sit down

DBM: Whose idea was this?

Friday: Mine

DBM: Why?

Friday: I wanted to understand what was going on

DBM: Do you understand what’s going on?

Friday: Yes, I’ve been played big time, but my wife is still insisting she’s very much in love with me.

DBM: She’s that much into the other guy too?

Friday: Yes!

DBM: And, he’s that much into her?

Friday: Yes! But he also revealed he’s in love with another lady – to my wife’s surprise.

DBM: Why was she surprised?

Friday: Probably thought she was the only one he was doing it with

DBM: Is your wife the only woman in your life?

Friday: Honestly?

DBM: Truthfully

Friday: No!

DBM: Who else is there?

Friday: Just this one lady

DBM: You love her?

Friday: Very much!

DBM: You love your wife?

Friday: So very much

DBM: Does she know about this other woman?

Friday: No!

DBM: Why not?

Friday: Because she’s also the mother of my child

DBM: This is before or after meeting your wife?

Friday: That was just four years ago

DBM: And, how old is the child?

Friday: Two years

DBM: Where is your wife right now?

Friday: At work

DBM: No, I mean where did she sleep last night?

Friday: In our bed

DBM: You’re going to let it slide?

Friday: If our children are mine, I might forgive her

DBM: If they’re not?

Friday: I will divorce her

DBM: So, till then, she’s still fulfilling her wifely duties?

Friday: Yes

DBM: Including sex?

Friday: Yes!

DBM: When was the last time you had sex with your wife?

Friday: This dawn

DBM: Is she still seeing the other guy?

Friday: I don’t know

DBM: Do you care to know?

Friday: I think they still talk or meet, but cannot be sure about sex

DBM: Does it bother you?

Friday: I don’t think about it

DBM: Why not?

Friday: I just don’t

DBM: Are you feeling uninterested because you are torn between what you are secretly doing on your wife’s blindside?

Friday: I love my wife, that’s why I am not sure I can hold it against her.

DBM: Assuming you had been faithful to your wife all this while, and then discovered this hot mess; would you be speaking the same language?

Friday: I don’t know. What I know is, I am going to learn how to restore my trust in her all over again.

DBM: How do you understand love?

Friday: I believe love is a choice I make

DBM: I agree

Friday: Looking at what I am dealing with at home, I don’t think I fell in love with my wife. I doubt she fell in love with me too

DBM: How do you mean?

Friday: I mean we chose to instead open our hearts to each other. I opened my heart to her, and she did too, so we could see the beauty in each other. I am doing same with my baby-momma; she’s doing that with her son’s father. We are all feeling vulnerable in our respective relationships, and with our selves. We’ve allowed our guards to drop, so our hearts can open – in order to give ourselves permission to feel, love and be loved back.

DBM: That is love?

Friday: That is love for me. I get to love another woman, aside loving my wife. She’s also loving me, while connecting in love with her son’s father.

DBM: Does that mean we all have the potential to love more than just one person?

Friday: It’s actually up to the people involved and the decisions they make concerning what makes them feel good, and their capacity level.

DBM: Capacity-level in which sense?

Friday: In my case, I have the resources to manage more than one woman in my life. I have the energy to meet their physical and emotional needs; I also have their time and can make time for all involved. Both of my relationships are grounded in a solid love for one another.

Image Credit: Nothing Ahead

Let’s Talk To Madina

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 37: Madina

DBM: Hello Madina. Please tell me a little about yourself

Madina: You’re looking at a strong-willed, opinionated and articulate 45-year woman who still feels traumatized about her periods, but is a valuable member of society.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Madina: I think a lot of our ladies are not self-aware, thus, they’re not able to learn about who they are, what they want, and what they deserve.

DBM: Why do you think that is so?

Madina: They’ve probably forgotten they’ve got only one life to live on this earth. A woman right now is allowing someone to make her feel inadequate. A woman is allowing someone right now to bring down her mood and cause her so much pain, stress and discomfort. A woman is right now allowing someone to dish out to her their definition of the kind of attention, care and love they think she deserves. A woman at this very moment doesn’t know she deserves better.

DBM: To each their own, no?

Madina: That’s rubbish! When she can go out of her own way to make herself feel important? When she can take back control of her own happiness? When a situation she finds herself in isn’t right for her? When the thought of something she’s found herself in quickly takes away her smile? When the environment she’s finding herself in doesn’t add any true value to her self-worth? Why is she even with that person who doesn’t make her feel beautiful, loved, alive, happy and needed?

DBM: Some women genuinely, feel stuck

Madina: David, when I have a sore on my leg, I treat it. Someway, somehow, those wounds ought to close and heal for me to find my feet. It’s a decision I have to make for myself, and by myself.

DBM: Hmmm!

Madina: So long as she knows she’s not of herself, she still has a chance to change her circumstances.

DBM: But it’s not that simple, is it?

Madina: I’d rather find my inner strength than to remain hopeless. A lot of women can’t access their freedom because they feel they’re in chains. Being free from an unfortunate circumstance is within a woman’s control, and we have the hope to change our predicaments.

DBM: What is your story?

Madina: I was afraid of being myself when I used to be married to my husband, and it took me almost nine years in the marriage before I finally had to stand up for myself.

DBM: How long were you married?

Madina: 10 years

DBM: Kids?

Madina: We have a daughter together.

DBM: How do you feel now, after the divorce?

Madina: I own my voice, and have stepped into my own power. I feel happy to be alive to witness this for myself.

DBM: Are you single?

Madina: I am in my second marriage

DBM: And, how long have you been married?

Madina: We’re clocking the fourth year in September, 2023.

DBM: How does the present feel like, compared to the past?

Madina: The person I am is the person my husband is married to, and he does not criticize me for who I am. My marriage means everything to me, so is who I am.

DBM: Why were you afraid of being yourself in your first marriage?

Madina: I was afraid of being a single mother and alone; he threatened me with divorce and I didn’t want to be divorced. My ex-husband is a catch, and I felt I wasn’t going to meet a nice man like him anywhere; he made me believe all men were the same, and that, I had to take what I had been given and just work around it. I was also in love with him, and I think I had on my rose-colored sunglasses when it came to his lies, affairs, abuse, disrespect, vindictiveness and betrayal.

DBM: That was what you had been given?

Madina: Yes, and more. He paid two guys to come and rape me at home.

DBM: Are you alleging?

Madina: The men came to the house around 2 AM. I was not fully asleep because I was experiencing panic attacks; and he wasn’t home. We had just two keys to the main door; he kept a copy, and I had mine. And because he was used to coming to the house late, I locked up after him and took my key out – so he could unlock whenever he got home. I heard them unlock the door, and I assumed it was him. They did not steal anything from the house; they did not touch or go to our daughter’s room. They walked straight to our bedroom, raped me in turns, and left.

DBM: Again, how could your husband have been involved in all this?

Madina: They left our bedroom and went out, locking the main door. I was trying to identify any of them by face, and so I went to the living room; feeling traumatized, yet watching their every move outside the corridor – through the window. I heard the taller guy ask in Ga, ‘where did he say we should hide the key?’. They placed it under a stone, next to the flower pot. My husband came home two hours later, and picked the key from under the stone next to the flower pot.

DBM: Oh, my goodness! So, what did you do?

Madina: I had to go to a safe place

DBM: Where?

Madina: To a neighbor’s house, for them to take me to the nearest hospital. I told them I was feeling sick. I had to wait for my ex-husband to come home first, because our daughter was in her room, sleeping. I had to also see where he was going to pick his copy of the key from.

DBM: Why do you think he would do this to you?

Madina: To punish me; to silence me; to submit me to his authority; to keep me in fear and in bondage; to break me and take away my pride.

DBM: Did you get him arrested?

Madina: No!

DBM: But he got punished for it, no?

Madina: I filed for divorce.

DBM: That was that?

Madina: That was that! I did not tell him, and he didn’t bother to find out

DBM: You know you can still report him if you want him to be held criminally liable?

Madina: I don’t want to report him

DBM: Why not?

Madina: He’s the father of my daughter. And my daughter has no idea of what happened.

DBM: Have you sought for support and counseling – at least, for yourself, to deal with the trauma the assault might have caused?

Madina: Yes! I got professional help.

DBM: Have you told anyone you trust about the ordeal? I mean, aside the professional assistance

Madina: No! Anyways, I am no longer the type of woman who would loosely take what people do or say and just accept it.

DBM: That’s good to know

Madina: That’s why I am encouraging women to be clear about what they want, and stick to just that. They have to choose what they deserve, be aware of their own thoughts and actions. Women have to stand by their decisions and express their truths to the people who matter most to them without any sense of fear.

Image Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko 

 

Let’s Talk To SL

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 27: Sister Lydia or SL

DBM: Hello SL. Please tell me a little about yourself.

SL: Wife. Mother. Sister. Friend. Software Engineering Manager

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

SL: Are you a counselor, David?

DBM: No please, I am not.

SL: Why do you want us to talk to you?

DBM: I’ve always wanted to host a platform where people with something to say could openly, and fully speak their thoughts, without me interrupting. I think I am easy to talk to – when I am in a good mood, and can listen without necessarily judging. Also, I want people to feel heard and understood. I find value in every conversation I have with people.

SL: I’ve been a silent follower of your Facebook platform for years. I like the different conversations on your website. I want to talk to you because I think you’re a wonderful person, kind, un-judging and welcoming.

DBM: Thank you!

SL: My husband thinks my best friends may lead me astray.

DBM: Is he right?

SL: No!

DBM: So, why is he thinking that about them?

SL: Because they’re not married and they live a certain type of life.

DBM: What’s their lifestyle like?

SL: They roll with the big shots and they get paid for their time and services. They sometimes smoke, drink and live large.

DBM: What type of service do they provide?

SL: Men with class make offers to pay them money to keep them entertained. They’re basically compensated for their time and energy.

DBM: How old are you?

SL: I am in my thirties

DBM: Your friends are in that age bracket?

SL: Yes!

DBM: How long have you known them?

SL: 20+ years

DBM: How long have you known your husband?

SL: Almost 10 years.

DBM: Why do you still keep your friends close?

SL: Dave, I am my best self when we’re together.

DBM: Do you smoke?

SL: I used to

DBM: Why did you stop?

SL: My husband didn’t like it.

DBM: Do you drink?

SL: Occasionally.

DBM: Like, when you’re with your friends?

SL: Yes! And at parties or functions

DBM: Did you used to be an escort?

SL: Lol! I wouldn’t know how to answer this question.

DBM: Just try

SL: I am a career woman as already indicated, and have been working for 11 years. But prior to getting married, I used to get paid thousands of Cedis, and sometimes, in Dollars a month for regular sex.

DBM: And, your husband knows about this past?

SL: No! And I don’t think it’s any of his business.

DBM: Agreed! How would you describe your friends and their way of living?

SL: Grown women enjoying their freedoms. They want more options. They want more money. They want to do whatever the hell they want, on their own terms.

DBM: Do you think your friends have the power to be a bad influence on you?

SL: I don’t think so. I’m a grown-ass woman with a mind of my own.

DBM: Do you think your husband’s concerns are valid?

SL: I have known these ladies longer than I’ve known my husband. They know me, I know them; we trust our bond, and hold dear our friendship. We’ve been through a lot together and have built memories that we cherish. They’re more than just friends, they’re my sisters. They’ve been my greatest support system to just let go like that.

DBM: Have you tried explaining all this to your husband?

SL: Yes, but he insists I choose between our family and them.

DBM: Have you also considered the probability of a bad influence, masked behind wonderful friendships or intensely loving relationships?

SL: My friends are good people. They’ve contributed money to support my family during a hard time in our marriage.

DBM: Your husband knows this?

SL: No! His pride wouldn’t have allowed him to take the help, if he knew it came from them.

DBM: Are you immune to the personalities of your friends?

SL: I don’t think so. No one is as perfect

DBM: Evaluate their behaviors and actions

SL: They’re loyal, hardworking; they’ve helped me in ways that I did not think could be possible; they can be humorous and down to earth; well-rounded bitches, strong-willed, independent, sexy, bold and very kind.

DBM: How many friends are they?

SL: They’re four. I am the fifth.

DBM: Do they like the fact that you are married and have a family of your own?

SL: They love my children and are happy for me and my marriage.

DBM: They like your husband?

SL: Very much, but he talks bad about them in their absence.

DBM: Do your friends talk bad about your husband?

SL: No!

DBM: Which of the two damage your self-confidence, leaving you to sometimes feel emotionally drained?

SL: My husband.

DBM: Which of them has the tendency of stirring up negativity in your presence?

SL: My husband.

DBM: Which of them make you feel the most invigorated, happiest, healthiest, inspired, motivated and innovative?

SL: My friends. No doubt about this one.

DBM: Which of them would you classify as fake?

SL: Explain the fakeness

DBM: As in, they act one way when they’re in your face, and another when not in your presence?

SL: My husband is the fakest.

DBM: Which of them is clingy, and wants you to only hang out with them – giving you unreasonable ultimatums?

SL: My husband

DBM: Which of them acts like a jealous imp?

SL: My husband

DBM: Which of them show up with love only at moments when they can benefit from having you as a friend?

SL: My husband. I sometimes think he’s an opportunist, though he makes his own money.

DBM: Is there any good at all to your husband?

SL: Why do you ask?

DBM: From the responses you’ve given, I cannot think far

SL: I love my husband. I am just sick and tired of his tantrums.

DBM: Would you choose your friends over your husband?

SL: If I am to compare my relationship with both, I would say my friends are the best company to keep.

DBM: Can you ask any one of your girl friends to grant me an exclusive interview into their daily lives and line of work? I feel like engaging one of them.

SL: That will be fine. We all follow you on Facebook.

DBM: I would appreciate that.

Image Credit: Idy Tanndy

PERFECT MATCH

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 14: I want to be known as Kwam.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

KWAM: I believe I am well-mannered; I learn from everything; I am generous with my time, I am positive minded, I like helping others, I respect the opinions of others; I have a strong work ethic, I am friendly and can humor myself; I am confident and well-spoken and just an everyday guy.

DBM: How long have you been married?

KWAM: We will be doing 16 years in October.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

KWAM: I wasn’t looking for much, just a woman who practices good hygiene, knows how to dress and talk, and carry herself well.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

KWAM: I was on my third date with her close friend. Her friend wanted that date to be at my house. She wanted to eat a home cooked meal. Doorbell rings and it was my wife. She had a letter in her hand for me from my date. She suggested her friend (my wife) would be the perfect match for me. It was awkward at first but it worked out.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

KWAM: No! My wife’s friend (the former second date) is my best friend. My wife is my closest friend. A healthy friendship developed between me and my wife and it has made a whole lot of difference in our lives.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

KWAM: I asked her to marry me and she did not believe my proposal for two years. I was thinking she didn’t like me as much, but it turned out she wasn’t sure whether or not I was serious about marrying her.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

KWAM: Before she left my house after our first dinner meeting, I realized she’s frank and did not hide her feelings. She was also a good listener and she listened to me with interest; that was when I knew.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

KWAM: My wife is very attractive to me physically. I affirm her beauty whenever I see her. I am the best place my wife should feel needed, wanted, accepted loved and appreciated. When I look into my wife’s eyes, I am not in a hurry to look away.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

KWAM: I am always striving to understand my wife when we are in a deeper conversation. I pay attention to her during a conversation.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

KWAM: She’s a good wife. She knows we both come from two different upbringings and backgrounds, and that, I am my own individual, with flaws and any other mess. She respects our individual differences, so do I.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

KWAM: Till death…

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

KWAM: Most fun would be road trips with her.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

KWAM: I love my wife deeply every day. My love for her doesn’t swing.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

KWAM: I trust my wife. She has integrity.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

KWAM: I am close to my wife even when I am busy. I call, text, email and video call all the time. When we are physically together, I am with her in the kitchen chitchatting, we spend time together as a family and alone, etc.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

KWAM: My wife is my safest emotional connection.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

KWAM: I will do this marriage with her over again, any day. Our love is deep, strong and genuine.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

KWAM: Still married and spending more time together.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

KWAM: 14 times in a week. I like it in the mornings and evenings.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

KWAM: 5 out of 10. My desire for sex stays high but her appetite isn’t as high. I am patient with her though, as I try to meet her needs before my own.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

KWAM: I know I love my wife when I watch how I speak to her. I do not belittle, hurt, disrespect, humiliate or harm her in any way, be it in private or public.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

KWAM: She’s loving me well. My wife is very concerned about me too.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

KWAM: I am a good husband to her.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

KWAM: Not yet.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

KWAM: Kwamyere, you have given me space to pursue what interests me. You have been a woman of your word and have followed through with your commitment at whatever cost. The wonderful woman you have grown to become has been a matter of time, age and experience; being my wife was a choice you made. I will continue to help you at home with the responsibilities; your problems will be my problems so we can continue to spread the weight of it evenly; I am sure of my love for you because my heart beats for you alone. You have made me the happiest man I could have ever imagined for myself. It’s a privilege to love you, it’s a privilege to laugh and cry with you. It’s a privilege to care for you; it’s a privilege to raise our children with you. It’s a privilege to share my life with you, run to you, talk to you, feel for you and be with you. It’s a privilege to give you me, every day, for the rest of our lives together.

Image Credit: Any Lane 

HUMBLING TO SAY THE LEAST

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 13: Ama.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

AMA: I take very good care of myself; I dress well, eat well, smell good: I am my own existence – I don’t expect another person to make me feel alive. I’m alive! I work hard, play hard, I am trusting and honest about my feelings.

DBM: How long have you been married?

AMA: For 10 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

AMA: A guy who is emotionally mature, enamored about me and is interested in my opinion. A guy who accepts me for who I am, provides for himself, lives on his own and can cook. A considerate and compassionate man, a man who isn’t overbearing, a positive influence on me. My husband fits all that.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

AMA: He found a letter I had thrown away somewhere and decided to call my number. The letter had my contact details. We became friends and I found him to be honorable. However, I was the ‘other woman’ and I didn’t know. He had told me he was divorced.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

AMA: He is my best friend; however, we do not spend all of our free time together. I believe in spending quality time with myself, away from my husband – to expand on my own self-growth. Before we married, he knew this about me so he has learned to do same.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

AMA: Dave, I am a happy person oo, so a lot of the things I do around him makes him laugh. He cheers up at the sight of me. And I make it a point not to stress or burden him.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

AMA: When I found out that he wasn’t legally divorced, I ended things between us. His wife called me to explain the nature of their relationship. She confessed to being the one giving him a tough time in court. But confirmed that they have not been together for two years, and she wasn’t in love with him. I asked her why they were getting divorced and she said, he wasn’t the man meant to make her happy – though he is a wonderful guy. She asked me not to break things off between us if I loved him. How did the ex-wife get my number? He gave it to her to explain things to me because he was in love with me. That was when I knew. Also, his wife didn’t say anything bad about his character as man.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

AMA: Unless me and him have clearly agreed upon entering into a polyamorous relationship, he will be the only man I will be romantic and sexual with. Attractive he will be to me, no matter what.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

AMA: I listen to completely understand him.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

AMA: My husband is doing very well in his department. He does things for me naaa to know that he cares about me. He also pays attention to my needs, just as I do with him. Dave, my husband walks me to the car every morning to kiss me good bye, before going to work. We both work long hours but he makes me feel his presence in my life. I only feel his distance when he is troubled and wants to be alone. Even that, he would walk me to my car to kiss me goodbye.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

AMA: To love and to hold.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

AMA: When we take a walk out alone. We talk about a lot of funny, crazy things. I check men out on the street and size them to his hearing. He finds that attitude fun.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

AMA: I am enjoying my husband a lot.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

AMA: Unfortunately, no! No because you can’t truly trust any person. I believe in him and what he says to me, but my trust and hope is solely in God.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

AMA: We understand our routine and make the most out of each day when we are together.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

AMA: Yes!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

AMA: The marriage has been good for me so far. I don’t accept bad behavior of any sort. My husband respects me because he knows he may not get away with anything – like cheating, etc. I will divorce him. Before we married, I laid my cards on the table: do unto me that you would want done unto you. It’s that simple.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

AMA: Celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

AMA: Dave, I love foreplay waaaa, because it allows our sexual act to last longer. I take control during sex. My husband used to be very shy and so I was always taking the initiative. It’s now become something I enjoy doing with him. I enjoy oral sex for the stimuli (I am more of a clitorial person). Also, when I wrap my legs around him. We are emotionally intimate and connect with our eyes and hand-holding. My husband is open to explore all forms of sexual pleasure with me, so that’s really good.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

AMA: I will give him 8, because we can do better.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

AMA: Being content with the good that God has given me in my husband, and setting aside the unnecessary expectations of him. Love is loving him in the good and bad times; love is doing my best to be at peace with myself and him. Love is believing in the fact that – things will eventually get better between us. Love is being honest and true to myself and my husband.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

AMA: My husband is not openly that expressive but the little things he does for me shows how much he cares about me. So, yes, I am feeling loved in my marriage.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

AMA: I believe I am.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

AMA: No! I am content with my husband. Contentment for a spouse can be a cure for the little things that come between two people in a relationship.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

AMA: Pee, of all the people you have met and connected with, you chose me to spend the rest of your remaining life with. It’s humbling to say the least, because I chose you too. I will be there for you when you need a friend. I will support you when you need a helping hand. Thank you for loving me good.

Image Credit: Gift Habeshaw

CROSS-FIRE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 6:  Cross will do.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

CROSS: I’m just me; easy going, opinionated and massive fun to be with.

DBM: How long have you been married?

CROSS: Nine years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

CROSS: I never had a spec; however, I never wanted a spiritual leader as a spouse. I’m not good with being a role model.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

CROSS: At his workplace after I completed Senior High School.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

CROSS: No! My husband is a bit judgmental, and so I am very careful of the things I share with him.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

CROSS: I’m naturally a happy soul. So anytime you are around me, a smile will always be on your face.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

CROSS: I was double dating actually; it was him and another guy. Then I got pregnant and was uncertain of who was responsible. I told the other guy and he accepted but I couldn’t handle it, and so I requested for a termination. After the termination of the pregnancy, I bled for two weeks straight and was getting weaker by the day. I avoided my husband, who was then just the other guy throughout the abortion. He came to my workplace uninvited one afternoon. The moment he set his eyes on me, he knew something was wrong and I was dying slowly so I had to open up to him. He acted cool, went out and brought me medications to stop the bleeding, and took care of me through it all. The other guy tried contacting me and my husband (then boyfriend) gave him a piece of his mind. That was when he said a lot of shitty things about me to him, but all my husband told him was that, “she’s now with me, so stay away from her”. That was when I knew that, I had found a diamond in a form of a human.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

CROSS: Very much. My husband is seriously attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

CROSS: Yes! We always discuss our daily activities before going to bed. I am an ardent listener as well. Because of him, I read about sports so I can have a meaningful conversation with him.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

CROSS: Very well! He is a great husband and a wonderful father.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

CROSS: Till death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

CROSS: On weekends and holidays when we are home alone without the kids. Having wild sex in the room and gisting about others, etc.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

CROSS: Mine fluctuates.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

CROSS: Not really!

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

CROSS: Whenever we have a free time, we spend it together.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

CROSS: Not really!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

CROSS: No! He tried adding up a wife some time ago, and it has changed my perception about the whole marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

CROSS: Outside the country with our children.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

CROSS: We’re always fuel and fire.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

CROSS: 12/10 😂😂

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

CROSS: Being there for each other and sharing the good, bad and ugly times together. And being available for/to our children.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

CROSS: Of course yes, although I sometimes feel caged.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

CROSS: I am trying to be better than before.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

CROSS: Emotionally yes, but sexually/physically, no!

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

CROSS: I do have so much love and admiration for you honey. All I want is for you to get out of your comfort zone and explore more business-wise. I love how you love me and our children; please know we will enjoy this union if only you stay true to me. Yes, I’m not ready to share my husband with anyone!

Image Credits: Anna Shvets

CLOSELY APART – MAAME

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 4: Maame is fine by me.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

MAAME: I am a very passionate person and I love with everything I am. I am very trustworthy, and so I hate lies; I say things just as it is.

DBM: How long have you been married?

MAAME: 11 years in June.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

MAAME: I preferred a man who could love and care about me, and most importantly, become my friend. My husband did fit into the category because we were friends for a year and half before we became lovers.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

MAAME: He came looking for a friend in my church and we met. l helped him find the friend.  The interesting thing is, he had the guts to tell me that very day that he would marry me, because l am a very helpful person and caring too.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

MAAME: So l thought at first, but currently, no!

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

MAAME: This was when we started dating as lovers; we dated for five years before marriage. He asked me to cook for him the first time and l undercooked the rice; it was so hard, he laughed so much at me.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

MAAME: I fell sick seriously and his love and care for me to get well was something else.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

MAAME: Yes, I find my husband to be extremely attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

MAAME: I was trying to always listen to him when he talked with me but he doesn’t listen to me; it’s like, all the things I say during a deeper conversation with him are senseless. Due to that l do not really listen to him lately.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

MAAME: He is a husband to me in public, but to be honest, we are currently co-existing because of our children.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

MAAME: To love and to hold, till death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

MAAME: When we used to drive around town together; how l miss those good old days, hmmmmm!

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

MAAME: No, l don’t love him anymore. l just feel sense of obligation towards him because of my kids.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

MAAME: I don’t trust him anymore.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

MAAME: I am always there for him when he needs me.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

MAAME: No emotional feelings for him anymore.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

MAAME: I don’t feel secure with him in this marriage; I am guessing he is also sticking with me because of the kids and his old age.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

MAAME: I want to be happy with my kids and I don’t see my husband to be a part of this happiness I anticipate for my future.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

MAAME: With me, sex starts outside the bedroom; how you relate and treat me; how to talk to me and look at me, how you smile at me, etc. I really need to feel connected to you before anything physical (intimately) can mean something to me.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

MAAME: 4 out of 10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

MAAME: Love is an everyday relationship; how you make the one you love be your first priority.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

MAAME: I don’t feel loved what-so-ever. My husband only remembers l exist when he wants sex; in fact, that is the only moment he will smile at me and pretend he cares. But when he is done, I am forgotten.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

MAAME: I believe no one is perfect but I try my best to be in our marriage.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

MAAME: I have never, and will never cheat on my husband – so far as I am married to him.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

MAAME: KG, l never thought we would be close but yet so far apart. I have come to realize that loving someone is never enough to marry that person. I pray you see that we are far apart and find it important to fight for our marriage to work.

Image Credit: Jill Burrow

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