Blog – Page 27

Let’s Talk To Abdul

Written by David B on January 5, 2023. Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 31: My name is Abdul

DBM: Hello Abdul. Please tell me a little about yourself

Abdul: I am the provider in my family, and have been through numerous experiences in life but would not let these experiences limit or define me. I am 48 years old, a Lawyer, married, and a father.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Abdul: I want to talk about me being a man, a husband and a father.

DBM: I’m interested.

Abdul: Dave, I go through a whole lot, and it’s unfortunate that sometimes, though I am married to a great woman, I tend to have no one to turn to

DBM: Why is that?

Abdul: Because we’ve been conditioned to believe that, being strong means keeping quiet about certain things; and that we have to mask our emotions as men

DBM: Who has placed these conditions on you?

Abdul: The world and the society I find myself in.

DBM: I see

Abdul: I’ve been suffering in silence to be honest with you. I’m always keeping important issues bothering me to myself, and I don’t get to deal with them accordingly.

DBM: What kind of issues bother you?

Abdul: I’m supposed to be happily married but it feels like I am not fully into it

DBM: Not fully into the marriage or your wife?

Abdul: Both, and even the idea of being a father to my own children.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Abdul: I will be doing nine years this August.

DBM: That’s wonderful

Abdul: But it’s like, I am ruining my own happiness on the account of someone else’s happiness.

DBM: Why did you get married?

Abdul: I wanted to get married because I wanted to fall in love

DBM: What did you see in your wife?

Abdul: Beauty. I was attracted to her. And, she wanted to be married to me because she was in love with me.

DBM: When you look in her face today, what do you see?

Abdul: I don’t know what I see.

DBM: Take your time to think about my question. Let me give you an example: when I look in the face of the one I am in love with, I see joy, smiles; I see hope for us, I see someone who genuinely cares about and wants the very best for me; I see my name, and everything that is important to me written all over this person’s desires. I see their own strength, and dreams and abilities to want to accomplish so much for themselves, do good for themselves, so they can get to live a good life with me in it.

Abdul: I see confusion, sometimes sadness and anger in her eyes.

DBM: What do you see in the mirror when you look at you?

Abdul: Regrets, confusion, unhappiness, and a wish to be left alone.

DBM: What do you like about your wife?

Abdul: She’s a good mother to our children. I know she tries to be a good wife to me

DBM: I know you’re physically attracted to her. Are you sexually attracted to her?

Abdul: Yes!

DBM: Are you happy with the woman in the position of a wife to you?

Abdul: I don’t know how to answer this question.

DBM: When you made the decision to want to get married to her, did you know what you were getting yourself into?

Abdul: I thought I did.

DBM: What were you certain of, before you embarked on this journey?

Abdul: I knew I had a beautiful woman; I knew I was going to enjoy limitless sex with her; I knew our children would be in good hands

DBM: But you weren’t certain you were ever going to be happy with her in your picture?

Abdul: I don’t think I ever thought of it.

DBM: Do you share the same interests?

Abdul: Not really.

DBM: Do you like your wife the way she is or you’d love for her to change?

Abdul: I don’t know

DBM: Is your wife your friend?

Abdul: We talk

DBM: Who do you resent the most, your wife or you?

Abdul: I resent myself

DBM: Why?

Abdul: Because I chose to put myself in this situation.

DBM: Does your wife respect you?

Abdul: She does.

DBM: What does your wife say to people in respect to what you are to her?

Abdul: I’ve heard her tell her family and friends that I am a provider and her protector.

DBM: What are your priorities in life?

Abdul: To be happy

DBM: You’re not happy now, but do you see any potential in being a happy man with your wife and children by your side?

Abdul: No!

DBM: Do you love your children?

Abdul: I do

DBM: What are your goals in life?

Abdul: To achieve my dreams.

DBM: What percentage of your dreams have been achieved?

Abdul: I’d say, 50%

DBM: What does the other half entail?

Abdul: Building a happy home with my soul mate.

DBM: Is your wife your soul mate?

Abdul: I don’t know.

DBM: How soon did you two start to be intimate after your first meet?

Abdul: The attraction was there, and so we hit it off not so long after. Why that question?

DBM: I am very old fashioned, and sometimes believe sex can confuse me from clearly understanding my commitment and depth to someone I like.

Abdul: I had feelings for her

DBM: Question is, what type of feelings were they? Since you were already picturing getting laid

Abdul: That makes sense.

DBM: Are you open and honest about your true feelings to your wife?

Abdul: No!

DBM: How about, to you?

Abdul: I doubt it

DBM: Do you trust your wife?

Abdul: I do

DBM: Do you get to acknowledge to yourself, exactly what is bothering you?

Abdul: I often would dismiss it when it come to mind.

DBM: Why?

Abdul: It’s easier that way.

DBM: Can your marriage in any way, help you fix whatever is troubling you?

Abdul: No!

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Abdul: I wish I didn’t have this conversation with you.

DBM: Why is that?

Abdul: I don’t know. I don’t know what I want

DBM: Abdul…

Abdul: Yeah

DBM: It is very okay not to be okay. But do not rob yourself of your emotions. Do not rob yourself of your heart. Don’t be walking around for so long, feeling broken within. Try to make it easy on you, so you can find delight in hanging out with your own self.

Abdul: Okay!

DBM: Be an influence to your own mood

Image Credit: Nicola Barts

Let’s Talk To J4

Written by David B on January 4, 2023. Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 30: I’m J4

DBM: J4?

J4: June 4^th

DBM: Heheheheh! Why do I have a feeling you’re going to excite the living hell out of me?

J4: That’s more of Ginger’s territory. You’re safe with me.

DBM: Hello J4

J4: Hi Daviiiiiiiiiid. I love everything you do on Facebook, YouTube and the website.

DBM: Thank you!

J4: My pleasure.

DBM: Please tell me a little about yourself

J4: I am a 35-year-old Investment Banking and Risk Management professional, single and loving it; very ambitious. I decide what I want to do and then just do it; I love to read, drink good wine; I love to have sex with older men; I’m grateful for the little and big things, and I love money.

DBM: Why particularly older men?

J4: Dave, only a few things get better with age: wine and men

DBM: I see.

J4: Yeaazz! They’re old-school in style, and have got a few experiences under their belts already

DBM: I’m trying to figure out what kind of questions to ask you. Lol!

J4: Feel free

DBM: You seem to have a good day job, why are you into the escort business?

J4: I have two-day jobs. Let me talk about the second job

DBM: Okay

J4: My first boyfriend was about 35 years older than me. I was 19 when I had my first sexual experience, and I remember he approached sex in a playful way with me. I enjoyed how fun sex could be, and decided to be more open and vulnerable with my sexuality.

DBM: Was he married?

J4: Yes!

DBM: What did you want to become when you were young?

J4: I wanted to become a lawyer, but after being in a two-year relationship with my second boyfriend, I wanted to go into investment banking and sex work.

DBM: Sex work is prostitution, no?

J4: That was what I wanted to do initially, till I realized there were ways to make it more appealing – while appreciating the energy of flirtation that comes with it.

DBM: Why did your first relationship end?

J4: He was a player. I wasn’t his only chick.

DBM: You couldn’t have been his only chick, he had a wife

J4: And numerous girlfriends

DBM: How about the second relationship?

J4: Paul was within my age bracket. I thought because I had tried old school and had been let down, why not give the similar age a chance? Also, Lydia was my school mate, and she used to tell me there is the higher likelihood of maintaining a successful relationship with a boy of my own age.

DBM: I see

J4: It didn’t work out because 1: he was broke as fuck; 2: he couldn’t keep it in his pants for just one girl. I weighed the two generations of men I had been with, and decided I’d be better off with a mature man with swag and strong financial footing.

DBM: I see

J4: That’s balanced diet.

DBM: Have you been in any serious relationship since then?

J4: Nope! And it’s not a problem for me because I want to be with men that I have different interests with. It’s always fresh and stimulating that way

DBM: Don’t you sometimes feel alone?

J4: It’s a human experience to be feeling alone from time to time. It doesn’t mean I’m a loser. My clients are mostly married men in a house full of people, but they keep telling me, they feel alone.

DBM: They do?

J4: Yes! They feel like no one in their household understands them.

DBM: What does that mean?

J4: I wouldn’t know, ask your gender.

DBM: How do you deal with your version of aloneness?

J4: I think of creative sexual outlets to boost my mood and metabolism. It helps me to live in the moment.

DBM: Let’s talk about sex

J4: Ah, good! I was wondering when you would come to that.

DBM: Lol!

J4: It’s not funny. That’s why we are here, anaa?

DBM: How do you meet the kind of men you deal with?

J4: They find us

DBM: How? There are a million and one girls on these streets

J4: Dave, I have two jobs, remember? It’s intertwined.

DBM: Oh, my!

J4: I knew you weren’t thinking.

DBM: Lol!

J4: My day-job 1 deals professionally with clients from all sectors: Technology, Manufacturing, Investment, Production, Finance, Science, Retail, Construction, Agriculture, Mining, Healthcare, Energy, Industry, Infrastructure, Trade, Sports, Telecommunications, Hospitality industry, Media, Small business etc.

DBM: What’s the catch here? Lol!

J4: I was not born with silver spoons in my mouth, that’s why I took my education seriously. I may be intelligent, but I am focused. I have determination, I have vision, I have purpose and confidence in my vagina. It’s a beautiful thing, Dave.

DBM: Who was your first client in the second job?

J4: He owns real estate properties.

DBM: You’re still in touch with him?

J4: Yeaazz

DBM: Hehehehe!

J4: He banks with my former employers. He came to the bank one day and my boss needed me to explain some things to him. I did my job and he left a happy man. 45 minutes or less later, one of the security guys in the facility brought me a book. Each page had a 1 dollar note stashed in. It was a 204 paged book. The last page had his phone number and a thank you message. I did not call him. Two weeks later, I got another book, 227 paged. Each stashed with a 1 dollar note. The last page had his phone number again, but this time with the message: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

DBM: What did you want at that time?

J4: I needed a sponsor for my MSc in Investment and Financial Risk Management at Kingston University

DBM: So, what did you do?

J4: I put it across and he was willing to fund my education

DBM: At what cost?

J4: For my time. He is still responsible for some of my all-time best orgasms, 12 at a go.

DBM: Hmmm!

J4: You cannot even imagine it. He has this almost perfect 7 inches curved schlong, that hits my G-Spot with every thrust.

DBM: That’s really something to work with

J4: Oh, yeaazz!

DBM: Why do you think he keeps coming back?

J4: Imagine you, David with his kind of demanding job, and meeting with me for the first time. And in the room with me, you’re still on the phone doing business with clients. I unzip you, and put your shaft in my mouth, blowing you off softly.

DBM: While on the phone with clients?

J4: Yeaazz, Dave, yeaazz!

DBM: Why do you do this second job?

J4: I love to be around men who want to be around me. When we’re together, they talk, share ideas; I listen and learn. In my presence, their minds are entranced by thoughts of finding opportunities within me to feel happy and surprised. Also, the men I meet are hardworking and expect to be enticed by the pleasures of a sexual recompence at the end of a long day.

DBM: So, it’s not about money?

J4: It’s about work and happiness. I work more, I earn more. My second job has given me opportunities that I would never have seen working just the first job.

DBM: Is marriage something of interest to you?

J4: I think of it, but I am not sure I’m built for it.

DBM: Why do you say that?

J4: Marriage hasn’t been on my 10, 15, or even 20-year plan, and Dave, it’s very okay with me. If I want to commit to someone someday, it’s going to be a personal journey to be taken by me and that person. I am not expecting any third party to define what that should look like for my connection.

DBM: Do you use protection when you’re with these guys?

J4: Always.

DBM: How often do you meet with your girlfriends?

J4: We meet once a month to catch up. We also have a SUSU we contribute to for rainy days. We’ve been doing this for almost 20 years. We don’t take loans from outside; we take from our joint savings to do personal projects.

DBM: Lydia mentioned her husband doesn’t approve of you girls. What do you make of that?

J4: We’ve utilized our friendship when we needed it the most, and it has helped us to navigate some of life’s murky waters. That’s why we’re still close.

DBM: Most of your clients are married men, and they talk to you openly. What can you say to married women?

J4: Men want to be desired by you, and giving them a sexual release is what makes them sometimes feel like they’re actually home. Your husband’s drive to want to be intimate with you, often is his route towards loving you. As a wife, you want the emotional connection first, good! Your husband also wants the physical connection in order to feel safe enough for the expressive vulnerability journey you want him to partake with you. Something has got to give.

Image Credit: Jess Loiterton

Let’s Talk To Ayitey

Written by David B on January 3, 2023. Posted in Blog. 26 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 29: Ayitey

DBM: Hey Ayi! Please tell me a little about yourself

Ayitey: I am an unhappy husband, often depressed due to the uncertainties of the state of my marriage at the moment.

DBM: What’s happening to your marriage?

Ayitey: My wife is battling with cancer, and I am finding it hard to cope. Seeing her in pain sometimes makes me wish I were single

DBM: Is she on treatment?

Ayitey: She is, but the nausea, exhaustion and bloating are heart wrenching to watch. I feel powerless when I am unable to help someone I care about. She’s really suffering, and I dread seeing her every day.

DBM: I am sorry about that

Ayitey: She’s not the same woman I used to love. She’s not attractive to me.

DBM: Mastectomy, I know leads to body-image concerns. I have a friend whose breast was removed.

Ayitey: My wife looks miserable and there is nothing I can do to make her feel alright. Emotionally, I am suffering; physically, I am suffering

DBM: She’s enduring same, if not more.

Ayitey: I know, and it breaks my heart to say this but I feel like I didn’t sign up for this.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Ayitey: 10 years

DBM: And how was the years prior to the cancer?

Ayitey: It was great. We had a lot of fun. We laughed a lot. We were a happy family

DBM: Do you still love your wife?

Ayitey: I don’t know, Dave. I don’t know how I feel about all this

DBM: How do you feel about her now?

Ayitey: I just want to be single. I am with someone I don’t know how to help

DBM: You know she knows that you cannot fix or make her feel better, right?

Ayitey: I don’t know

DBM: Is she able to talk about what she’s going through with you?

Ayitey: Not so much

DBM: Why is that?

Ayitey: Because it will make me feel bad, so I’d rather avoid the conversation.

DBM: If I am to put myself in your wife’s shoes, I know I would want my spouse to make me feel heard. I would want to discuss my pain with you; I would want to freely express all of my emotions with no one else but you – and I would appreciate a partner who would acknowledge all these things I would be going through.

Ayitey: You’re always on the side of the ladies, I’m not surprised

DBM: It’s not about taking sides

Ayitey: Dave, I don’t know what my wife wants

DBM: Have you asked her what she wants from you?

Ayitey: Is it even important? She’s not well

DBM: Again, in your wife’s shoes: I would want my partner to comfort me with their loving presence, without any form of judgement.

Ayitey: It’s not as easy as you think

DBM: Simplify it for me then?

Ayitey: I am unable to have sex with her

DBM: For how long now?

Ayitey: It’s been over a year. The last time I had sex with my wife was in January, 2022

DBM: When was the last time you had sex?

Ayitey: Dave, we’re not discussing me. Let’s talk about my wife

DBM: You brought the subject of sex, which I’m presuming is important to you?

Ayitey: It is

DBM: When did you last have sex with anyone?

Ayitey: On Sunday

DBM: Before Sunday, had you been intimate with anyone?

Ayitey: Yes!

DBM: When?

Ayitey: Lol! Saturday

DBM: Before the Saturday, had you been with someone else?

Ayitey: Why all these questions?

DBM: I want to understand how active you’ve been sexually, that’s all.

Ayitey: Thursday

DBM: With whom?

Ayitey: I don’t want to talk about it.

DBM: But is it with the same person?

Ayitey: I don’t want to talk about it.

DBM: I will respect that.

Ayitey: Okay!

DBM: Have you thought creatively into finding other ways to achieve intimacy with your wife?

Ayitey: Everything is a pain with her. I don’t want to inconvenience her

DBM: Have you tried listening to cool music together, while touching and kissing her gently?

Ayitey: It’s not worth it, trust me

DBM: Do you know how to love your wife?

Ayitey: Dave, I’ve tried everything

DBM: Everything like what?

Ayitey: David, do you know why I am chatting with you?

DBM: Tell me

Ayitey: I am with another woman who is filling in the space. I did not expect this, but I am in love with her. She’s also pregnant with my child.

DBM: Does she love you?

Ayitey: I think so.

DBM: She knows about your wife’s condition?

Ayitey: She does

DBM: What does she say about it?

Ayitey: We don’t discuss it

DBM: When was the last time you held your wife’s hand meaningfully? When was the last time you were not afraid to look straight in her eyes to assure her that you are not intimidated by the disease? When was the last time you found value in remaining present in her struggle, assuring her you’re a witness to what is happening to her and your relationship, and that, you love her regardless?

Ayitey: I don’t love my wife. I like her, but I don’t think it’s love.

DBM: This realization came to you, before or after the sickness?

Ayitey: Before. Cancer only took my mask off.

DBM: Why did you marry her?

Ayitey: I don’t know. Maybe because she was beautiful and physically attractive.

DBM: Was?

Ayitey: Am I a bad person?

DBM: Are you a bad person?

Ayitey: I don’t think so.

DBM: Okay! Anything else you’d want us to talk about?

Ayitey: I just wanted someone to talk to.

DBM: Do you feel better now?

Ayitey: I don’t know what to do

DBM: You have children with your wife?

Ayitey: I do.

DBM: How old are they?

Ayitey: 9 and 7

DBM: Have you both explained what their mother is going through to them?

Ayitey: They’re too young to understand.

DBM: At their age, they get it. They see what is happening. There are age-appropriate ways to explain cancer.

Ayitey: I am dealing with so much already. I can’t add another type of stress to my stress.

DBM: Being secretive about her diagnosis doesn’t solve anything

Ayitey: They will be fine

DBM: Are they eating home-cooked meals?

Ayitey: Yes, we have a house help.

DBM: Okay!

Image Credit: Nicola Barts

Let’s Talk To Ginger

Written by David B on January 2, 2023. Posted in Blog. 13 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 28: Ginger

DBM: Hehehehe! Why that name?

Ginger: I am punchy and fragrant, warming and spicy, and absolutely fresh

DBM: You’re funny. Lol!

Ginger: I help to make meat softer by breaking down its proteins.

DBM: Okay! But on a serious note, I unquestionably adore ginger when I cook with it.

Ginger: I know you cook. I have seen some of the pictures you post on Facebook when you cook at home. Are you rich?

DBM: I am not rich, yet

Ginger: But you have money?

DBM: I don’t at the moment.

Ginger: Are you married?

DBM: No, I am not.

Ginger: Would you want to cum extremely intensely within 60 seconds?

DBM: No, thank you.

Ginger: Ugh! Dave you’re so boring.

DBM: Why do you think that?

Ginger: You asked Lydia to speak to one of us, I volunteered. You need to let me set the balls rolling.

DBM: Hehehehe! You’re a hot mess

Ginger: Allow me to mess with you a bit. Let me jerk you off, while I suck at the base of your dick; the upper part of your balls I mean… Yeah, right there, on that urethra. Do you feel something?

DBM: I want to know a bit about you.

Ginger: Dave, I’m showing you a bit about me. Let me use my hand on the shaft of your dick, as I use my mouth on the head, rotating my tongue and mouth around it, and over it to stimulate you fully.

DBM: Please tell me a little about yourself.

Ginger: Smh! I hold an MA in English Literary Studies from the University of York; I am 36-ish years old, a single-mother of a 5-year-old child; I have a preference for nonmonogamy attachments, I am level-headed and fun to be with.

DBM: Why do you prefer a non-monogamy relationship?

Ginger: I am more career-oriented. Any form of long-term committed relationship can take up a lot of my time and attention, and I am just not interested in dividing my energy between my work and romance.

DBM: Is marriage on the table some day in the future?

Ginger: No, not interested. I would rather prefer polyamory or simply an open relationship. I’d rather opt for the type with room for consensual engagement in sexual/emotional involvement with more than one person. Unfortunately, marriage doesn’t allow that.

DBM: I see

Ginger: The complicated nature of my work also makes marriage unappealing to me.

DBM: What kind of work do you do?

Ginger: I met a guy 16 years ago. Very handsome with a good sense of humor. We became friends and I think I fell in love with him. I told him about my feelings and he didn’t want to see me again. He had also formed an emotional attachment with me but didn’t want to pursue it because he didn’t want to mess things up with his wife, whom he loved dearly. I found out he was a married man that day, because he didn’t wear a ring. I asked him what he wanted from me, and he said just to spend time with me to talk. He wanted me to be giving him my attention and sex; good sex with no strings attached.

DBM: Was he the first man you fell in love with?

Ginger: No! I was in a two-year relationship with the first guy I had fallen in love with.

DBM: You took this other guy’s offer?

Ginger: I did, because I liked him a lot. Also, he was willing to pay me money for each encounter. I wasn’t the least upset. I was basically going to be selling my time, attention and entertainment.

DBM: What goes into the entertainment?

Ginger: It entails sexual services most of the time to my clients

DBM: How different is this from prostitution?

Ginger: Very different. Prostitutes are all about providing sexual services in exchange for money. I provide far in value to my clients.

DBM: What made things end between you and your first love?

Ginger: I suggested the opportunity to him. We were struggling then, you know, students with no jobs etc. He wasn’t in agreement, but I wanted to do it because I liked the other man. After my first sex with the married one, I told my boyfriend what I had done, and he broke up with me.

DBM: Do you know where he is now?

Ginger: He is doing very well for himself.

DBM: Is he married, with kids, etc.?

Ginger: Yes.

DBM: When last did you speak with him?

Ginger: Five days ago.

DBM: What did you talk about?

Ginger: He’s one of my clients.

DBM: He pays money for the services you provide him?

Ginger: Yes.

DBM: The same one against you being with a married man?

Ginger: I think the devil he knows is better than someone else he doesn’t know.

DBM: How does this make you feel?

Ginger: Dave, it’s strictly business and friendship. Nothing more than that. He’s a business man and would pay for dinner and traveling dates with me.

DBM: What is your charge?

Ginger: I provide hourly services, and I have more control over the kind of service I provide to my clients. There are clearly outlined terms and conditions.

DBM: Are you affordable?

Ginger: I am not affordable to the ordinary Ghanaian.

DBM: I hear there are five of you friends. What makes a great escort?

Ginger: You don’t need to be a thin fashion model. Beautiful, yes! You have to also have the right figure and stay in good shape. Most of my clients choose me because I am not a reflection of what they have at home.

DBM: Their wives, you mean?

Ginger: Yes! You have to also be extremely intelligent and very educated to attract a certain type of clientele. Communication with clients is everything. I am my own escort business, and I am proud of it.

DBM: Share one of your best experiences with a client with me.

Ginger: Oh, a woman booked me for her husband’s 50^th birthday. She wanted me to provide him a massage, foreplay, good sex and a fair bit of conversation to commemorate his day.

DBM: Oh my!

Ginger: They’re actually one of my favorite clients. I’ve been booked by her for the past six years, on the 11^th of June.

DBM: Is she present when you’re with her husband?

Ginger: She’s been present on three occasions to watch what I do to him.

DBM: At home?

Ginger: No! She always books a hotel suite.

DBM: How is your relationship with this particular man?

Ginger: There is no relationship. I don’t have his contact. I just know his name.

DBM: Did he ask for your number so he could order your services privately?

Ginger: No! He’s never requested for a one-on-one with me before. But he tells me whenever we meet that, he’s always looking forward to seeing me on his birthdays.

DBM: I see.

Ginger: My business is strictly with the wife.

DBM: And, has she ever wondered whether or not you two have been secretly meeting?

Ginger: She’s not had that conversation with me.

DBM: Why do you think is that?

Ginger: She trusts her husband.

DBM: You think the guy is a good guy?

Ginger: He is a good guy. He was very shy on our first meeting. I think he loves his wife.

DBM: And, you’ve not been tempted to go the extra mile with him on separate days?

Ginger: I’m not going to lie; he gives me good sex. But no! He tips on top of the hourly rates his wife pays me on his birthdays.

DBM: How much did his wife pay you on June 11^th,2022?

Ginger: $2500

DBM: How much did he tip you?

Ginger: $500

DBM: For just one night?

Ginger: 8 pm to 5:30 am.

DBM: Who is the father of your child?

Ginger: A guy I used to date. We met in London.

DBM: A client?

Ginger: It started as a client. We developed feelings and I got pregnant.

DBM: Are you still together?

Ginger: No! He wanted me to abort. I wasn’t sure about abortion.

DBM: Does he take care of his child?

Ginger: He’s a responsible man. They’re both in London, spending the holidays together

DBM: Your friend SL talked about how her husband feels about you.

Ginger: We know how he feels about us.

DBM: How does that make you feel?

Ginger: Our friendship with Lydia goes beyond how her husband feels. We’re a group of friends who have supported each other through school, and have been there for one another, no matter what. We don’t judge, we don’t put each other down or deliberately hurt our feelings; we respect one another; enjoy each other’s company; we are loyal and can trust each other; we laugh and stick around when times are hard for any of us; we comfort when one cries, and smile together. We broke this new year as old friends… And maybe, would make new friends as time goes on. But the five of us have an opportunity to share memories from our past years, while sharing our hopes, dreams and plans for 2023.

DBM: What percentage of your clientele are married?

Ginger: 98% of the guys are.

DBM: What do you think wives aren’t doing to keep their men focused on only them?

Ginger: Guys will be who they want to be. You can’t please them. I think unmarried girls should rather understand the types of men they plan dealing with before deciding on taking the marriage route. Else, you will do everything for a man, but if he is not the right guy to respect his relationship and commitment to you, would end up pouring your all into someone with no plans of returning the same energy and effort. Their false sense of security leads them into looking for people like us. Unfortunately, most men are just not trustworthy.

DBM: How would you describe yourself?

Ginger: I am a happy woman with a child.

DBM: Can you get one of your other friends to chat with me?

Ginger: For sure.

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Barbara Olsen

Let’s Talk To SL

Written by David B on January 1, 2023. Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 27: Sister Lydia or SL

DBM: Hello SL. Please tell me a little about yourself.

SL: Wife. Mother. Sister. Friend. Software Engineering Manager

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

SL: Are you a counselor, David?

DBM: No please, I am not.

SL: Why do you want us to talk to you?

DBM: I’ve always wanted to host a platform where people with something to say could openly, and fully speak their thoughts, without me interrupting. I think I am easy to talk to – when I am in a good mood, and can listen without necessarily judging. Also, I want people to feel heard and understood. I find value in every conversation I have with people.

SL: I’ve been a silent follower of your Facebook platform for years. I like the different conversations on your website. I want to talk to you because I think you’re a wonderful person, kind, un-judging and welcoming.

DBM: Thank you!

SL: My husband thinks my best friends may lead me astray.

DBM: Is he right?

SL: No!

DBM: So, why is he thinking that about them?

SL: Because they’re not married and they live a certain type of life.

DBM: What’s their lifestyle like?

SL: They roll with the big shots and they get paid for their time and services. They sometimes smoke, drink and live large.

DBM: What type of service do they provide?

SL: Men with class make offers to pay them money to keep them entertained. They’re basically compensated for their time and energy.

DBM: How old are you?

SL: I am in my thirties

DBM: Your friends are in that age bracket?

SL: Yes!

DBM: How long have you known them?

SL: 20+ years

DBM: How long have you known your husband?

SL: Almost 10 years.

DBM: Why do you still keep your friends close?

SL: Dave, I am my best self when we’re together.

DBM: Do you smoke?

SL: I used to

DBM: Why did you stop?

SL: My husband didn’t like it.

DBM: Do you drink?

SL: Occasionally.

DBM: Like, when you’re with your friends?

SL: Yes! And at parties or functions

DBM: Did you used to be an escort?

SL: Lol! I wouldn’t know how to answer this question.

DBM: Just try

SL: I am a career woman as already indicated, and have been working for 11 years. But prior to getting married, I used to get paid thousands of Cedis, and sometimes, in Dollars a month for regular sex.

DBM: And, your husband knows about this past?

SL: No! And I don’t think it’s any of his business.

DBM: Agreed! How would you describe your friends and their way of living?

SL: Grown women enjoying their freedoms. They want more options. They want more money. They want to do whatever the hell they want, on their own terms.

DBM: Do you think your friends have the power to be a bad influence on you?

SL: I don’t think so. I’m a grown-ass woman with a mind of my own.

DBM: Do you think your husband’s concerns are valid?

SL: I have known these ladies longer than I’ve known my husband. They know me, I know them; we trust our bond, and hold dear our friendship. We’ve been through a lot together and have built memories that we cherish. They’re more than just friends, they’re my sisters. They’ve been my greatest support system to just let go like that.

DBM: Have you tried explaining all this to your husband?

SL: Yes, but he insists I choose between our family and them.

DBM: Have you also considered the probability of a bad influence, masked behind wonderful friendships or intensely loving relationships?

SL: My friends are good people. They’ve contributed money to support my family during a hard time in our marriage.

DBM: Your husband knows this?

SL: No! His pride wouldn’t have allowed him to take the help, if he knew it came from them.

DBM: Are you immune to the personalities of your friends?

SL: I don’t think so. No one is as perfect

DBM: Evaluate their behaviors and actions

SL: They’re loyal, hardworking; they’ve helped me in ways that I did not think could be possible; they can be humorous and down to earth; well-rounded bitches, strong-willed, independent, sexy, bold and very kind.

DBM: How many friends are they?

SL: They’re four. I am the fifth.

DBM: Do they like the fact that you are married and have a family of your own?

SL: They love my children and are happy for me and my marriage.

DBM: They like your husband?

SL: Very much, but he talks bad about them in their absence.

DBM: Do your friends talk bad about your husband?

SL: No!

DBM: Which of the two damage your self-confidence, leaving you to sometimes feel emotionally drained?

SL: My husband.

DBM: Which of them has the tendency of stirring up negativity in your presence?

SL: My husband.

DBM: Which of them make you feel the most invigorated, happiest, healthiest, inspired, motivated and innovative?

SL: My friends. No doubt about this one.

DBM: Which of them would you classify as fake?

SL: Explain the fakeness

DBM: As in, they act one way when they’re in your face, and another when not in your presence?

SL: My husband is the fakest.

DBM: Which of them is clingy, and wants you to only hang out with them – giving you unreasonable ultimatums?

SL: My husband

DBM: Which of them acts like a jealous imp?

SL: My husband

DBM: Which of them show up with love only at moments when they can benefit from having you as a friend?

SL: My husband. I sometimes think he’s an opportunist, though he makes his own money.

DBM: Is there any good at all to your husband?

SL: Why do you ask?

DBM: From the responses you’ve given, I cannot think far

SL: I love my husband. I am just sick and tired of his tantrums.

DBM: Would you choose your friends over your husband?

SL: If I am to compare my relationship with both, I would say my friends are the best company to keep.

DBM: Can you ask any one of your girl friends to grant me an exclusive interview into their daily lives and line of work? I feel like engaging one of them.

SL: That will be fine. We all follow you on Facebook.

DBM: I would appreciate that.

Image Credit: Idy Tanndy

Let’s Talk To Gyaaba

Written by David B on December 30, 2022. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 26: Gyaaba

DBM: Hello Gyaaba. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Gyaaba: I am 39 years, very independent, organized and detailed; I love to multi-task and I show concern for other people’s feelings, and can connect with them on a personal level. I see myself to be strong, and can easily adapt. I am able to also persevere when obstacles come my way. I believe I belong to God, thus, my resilience and conviction to rather stand firm, come what may.

DBM: You look way younger than your age.

Gyaaba: I am told. Thank you!

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Gyaaba: I currently live in Houston, but I used to live in Ghana. I used to be married. I ran away from my matrimonial home, five months after our wedding because I realized I had made a mistake – settling into something I did not want.

DBM: You didn’t want to be married?

Gyaaba: I like marriage, but I didn’t want to be married to a man.

DBM: Who did you want to be with?

Gyaaba: A woman.

DBM: You’re a lesbian?

Gyaaba: Yes Dave, I am Lez.

DBM: Hmmm! You know most people in Ghana are uncomfortable with this subject

Gyaaba: Is your readership centered in Ghana?

DBM: No!

Gyaaba: Then I deserve to share what has been my experience.

DBM: Lez go! How did you know you were attracted to the same sex?

Gyaaba: I don’t think I really knew. But in Senior High School, I used to like one of my best friends. I couldn’t stop staring at her anytime we were in class. I thought she looked pretty in everything she wore. Anything she did looked interesting to me. She wasn’t even funny but I thought she had a great sense of humor. I felt heartbroken however, when one of the guys in our class started to get close to her.

DBM: So, you had a crush on a girl, and that was it?

Gyaaba: I attended a mixed school, and in those days, the guys were obsessed with the girls, chasing each other down everywhere, writing themselves love letters, etc.

DBM: Yeah…

Gyaaba: I wanted to write a love letter to a girl.

DBM: I see

Gyaaba: At the university, I tried liking boys

DBM: And how did that go?

Gyaaba: Robert was my first boyfriend. He loved me but I couldn’t feel the same way he felt for me. We dated for three months, and in those months, I would have sex with women in my dreams.

DBM: Did the thought of Robert ever make you feel aroused?

Gyaaba: No!

DBM: Having sex with a woman in your dreams doesn’t necessarily make you a lesbian.

Gyaaba: That was when I started doing a self-reflection. I wanted to understand who I was and what I desired. Timothy asked me out in my third year, and before I knew, he had started to bond. I suddenly became busy with my studies and couldn’t make time for him.

DBM: Were you busy?

Gyaaba: I was trying to avoid him because he tried to kiss me one evening.

DBM: Did you kiss back?

Gyaaba: I was just pale when he planted the kiss on my lips.

DBM: What was the feeling like?

Gyaaba: Nothing I wanted to experience for the second time. I came up with an excuse of tiredness and left him to go sleep. I was disgusted by the idea of doing anything romantic with a guy.

DBM: When did you have your first sex?

Gyaaba: On my honeymoon

DBM: With a man?

Gyaaba: Yes. I was married. I think I am still married, because he’s refused to grant me a divorce after leaving him.

DBM: How long ago since you left?

Gyaaba: I left Ghana in 2011

DBM: This is the five months into your marriage scenario?

Gyaaba: Yes!

DBM: Why did you marry your husband?

Gyaaba: It was revealed to my Pastor that he was the man destined for me.

DBM: Did your Pastor know about your sexual orientation?

Gyaaba: His wife knew. I had confided in her three years prior to the hook-up. I don’t know if she discussed me with her husband.

DBM: Did you believe your husband was the man meant for you?

Gyaaba: I did not, but I went ahead in order for the prophesy to manifest.

DBM: How long did you and your husband date?

Gyaaba: Nine months, I think. We got engaged, and married four months after the engagement.

DBM: Did you enjoy getting to know him as a potential spouse?

Gyaaba: My husband is a great guy; tall, dark, handsome, and with a good job and deep pocket. He is authentic; what you see is what you get. Unfortunately, I realized the way he felt about me was totally different from the way I felt about him. I should have considered his feelings and not gone ahead with the marriage plans. I was not attracted to him.

DBM: When was the last time you spoke to him?

Gyaaba: 2013

DBM: What did you talk about?

Gyaaba: I wanted a divorce.

DBM: That was unfair on your part

Gyaaba: I know. That is why I want to come clean to him

DBM: Does he know why you left?

Gyaaba: I left to pursue a PhD programme. That was my initial excuse. But after the degree, I stayed in America.

DBM: Why did you stay?

Gyaaba: I found the close emotional bond I had been craving for

DBM: In a woman?

Gyaaba: Yes! Once I knew I enjoyed kissing and touching the breast of a woman while going down on her, I had to admit it to myself.

DBM: You’re a Lesbian.

Gyaaba: I am a lesbian!

DBM: How long have you been dating your lady?

Gyaaba: Seven and a half years

DBM: And she’s been the only one in your life?

Gyaaba: One and only

DBM: Who else knows?

Gyaaba: My Pastor’s wife was the only person I told in Ghana. I want to tell my husband the truth.

DBM: Why now?

Gyaaba: He deserves the truth. Secondly, my partner and I want to get married. I have to be divorced to accomplish this.

DBM: Do you know whether or not your husband was able to move on?

Gyaaba: He’s had two kids with someone in my absence. He has moved on.

DBM: Unfortunately, not everyone in Ghana is supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. Is your husband a tolerable environment to come out to?

Gyaaba: I don’t know

DBM: Is he someone you can rely on?

Gyaaba: In which sense?

DBM: How you come out to someone really depends on the kind of relationship you have with them.

Gyaaba: We’ve not spoken in a long time, and our last conversation ended in a fight on the phone.

DBM: I see!

Gyaaba: I know that the moment I tell him this, he will laugh at, or insult me; he will tell his family, mine and friends.

DBM: It’s good you’ve come out to yourself first. I think that is the most important thing.

Gyaaba: I hope so

DBM: Do you love your lady?

Gyaaba: Dave, before I even met her, I dreamt of someone like her; and the dream was beautiful. When she showed up to me, I was least expecting this much happiness in my life. Now I know dreams do come true. I am very much in love and happy to be with her.

DBM: Does she love you as much?

Gyaaba: She loves me very much.

DBM: Then, know that you are loved, needed and valued; your feelings for true love are valid, just as anyone else’s – and that you deserve to be treated with respect. Assuming anyone attempts to make you feel guilty or bad about who you know you are, and whose you belong, just remind yourself of the one person in your life right now who desires to see you become the very best of you, and succeed in whatever beautiful present and future affirms you. Let this foresight make you feel so seen. All you need at the moment is an audience of ONE!

Gyaaba: I think I am going to call my husband right now.

DBM: All the very best.

Gyaaba: Thank you, Sir!

Image Credit: Anna Shvets

Let’s Talk To Juliet

Written by David B on December 29, 2022. Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 25: Juliet

DBM: Hi Juliet. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Juliet: I am the person I want to become. Anything else you see is simply a product of my work-in-progress. I am true to myself and do not easily lose hope. I believe in deeper spiritual connects when it comes to romance, and not the fleeting pleasures of physical intimacy.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Juliet: I read your conversation with Sylvester, and I think I have dated a man like his type before.

DBM: What are their types like?

Juliet: Very good looking and charming. They are always on a never-ending, excruciating assignment presenting the impression that they are everything a woman should be interested in; they appear desirable and will be a woman’s saving grace. They sell us this dream that they’re not bad boys, and will be kind and considerate so far as it benefits them.

DBM: That’s a lot of words

Juliet: The excuse my ex-boyfriend gave to me was, the other lady only wanted to have a child by him. He claimed there were no strings attached, but after I ended the relationship, guess who he married?

DBM: No strings attached?

Juliet: Yes!

DBM: How long did you two date?

Juliet: Three years. The bad news is, I still love him.

DBM: Why did you end it?

Juliet: He got her pregnant.

DBM: Are you married?

Juliet: I am married.

DBM: Are you in love with your husband?

Juliet: I love my husband.

DBM: Are you in contact with your ex?

Juliet: Yes! I will be seeing him in the afternoon.

DBM: Where?

Juliet: At his house. He’s not far from where I work.

DBM: But he’s married, no?

Juliet: His wife left him. She took their children along.

DBM: So, he’s divorced?

Juliet: Not yet, but they’re no longer together.

DBM: Why?

Juliet: I don’t have much details about that. I visit him every day because he is bedridden, and I have been helping to take care of him.

DBM: That was part of your wedding vows to your husband?

Juliet: No!

DBM: Where is his own family of orientation?

Juliet: I don’t think he has told anyone what is going on with him. I know his mother is alive, and he has sisters and brothers.

DBM: Why are you taking care of him?

Juliet: He called me when he was on admission at the hospital. He said he had no one.

DBM: What made you empathize with him?

Juliet: I never stopped loving him. And I took a thoughtful approach to his very difficult situation. I want the best for him.

DBM: How old are his children?

Juliet: 10 and 7

DBM: What do you do when you go to his house?

Juliet: I have hired a house-help who makes sure he has home-cooked meals and clean clothes. When I go there, we try to talk. I help him to sometimes get dressed. I help him to eat too when his tremors are at its worst. I go there to assure him there is plenty of love around him.

DBM: Does he love you?

Juliet: I don’t want to know. I just want to be sure he is getting better.

DBM: For how long have you been doing this?

Juliet: Since July, this year.

DBM: Does your husband know about your afternoon shifts?

Juliet: No! He will not believe there is nothing going on between us.

DBM: Will something ever happen between the two of you?

Juliet: I am not looking forward to anything happening between us. That chapter was closed many years ago. I am not going back to rewrite our story. It ended, though I still have feelings for him.

DBM: Is it easy to love someone and not be with them?

Juliet: David, that is why I am saying Sylvester may be a good guy, at least, from your conversation with him yesterday; however, good, may sometimes not be good enough to hold on to. I feel the energy of love between me and my ex when I come to check on him. A relationship on the other hand is something I will not make happen between us ever again.

DBM: Why not?

Juliet: I have consciously chosen the man I want to be in a relationship with, and that’s my husband.

DBM: Interesting!

Juliet: My ex-boyfriend is not the only man I have felt strongly for: I have developed love for my boss, my Bishop at church, a former mate from the university and a close friend’s husband. It’s not lust I am referring to; I fell in love with these men, and I know they had feelings for me too but I wouldn’t execute it. I remember I was sitting across the table from my Bishop/pastor in his office, crying to him about all the reasons why I believed I was in love with him. Guess what he told me?

DBM: What?

Juliet: I am always on his mind too. The things these men have done for me individually, that my husband has no clue of, but again, because I want to be a good wife to my husband, I don’t allow my feelings to direct my path.

DBM: Love is not enough, I guess?

Juliet: As a married woman or man, you can never be the right person for another man or woman who is in love with you. It just doesn’t make sense to be inserting another person into every aspect of your life, knowing that spot is already taken by a spousal figure you’re supposed to be accountable to.

DBM: You make a good point.

Juliet: I care about my husband, that’s why hurting his feelings with an affair would definitely still hurt me.

DBM: Most married men believe they can go out there to get what they want

Juliet: For us women, we don’t have to even go out there, because what we want come to us. My boss at work is full of fireworks; he is kind, great guy, handsome, very funny and considerate. He is rich, and my husband doesn’t stand a chance. He told me point blank that he’s happily married, but still wants to be in a romantic relationship with me. He gave me one year to consider his proposal. I said no, and we’re still great friends.

DBM: So, you do not think Sylvester is doing right by any of the women?

Juliet: Liars are cheats; Sylvester is cheating on all of them because he knows he can get away with it, and, perhaps more importantly, because he is willing to let himself get away with it.

DBM: Why will you not cheat on your husband, looking at the history you’ve given me about yourself?

Juliet: Simple, I keep my husband in mind wherever I find myself. Though I acknowledge to whoever else I develop love for, and let them know how much I care about them, I consider my husband’s feelings in all my decisions. And I make sure my feelings towards other men doesn’t go beyond feelings. I return home to the imperfect human being I married.

Image Credit: Jasmine Carter

Let’s Talk To Sylvester

Written by David B on December 28, 2022. Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 24: Let’s call me Sylvester

DBM: Hello Sylvester. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Sylvester: I am an extremely simple guy but complex in what I desire. I am married. I love my wife. I have children. I love my children. I share the love I have with other women I am attracted to. I love sex. I love food. I love to travel. I work. I love my job.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Sylvester: I want to explain to our women why their husbands love them, but may still be sleeping with other women.

DBM: Why are you cheating on your wife?

Sylvester: Oh! Lol! This is how it’s going to be? Lol!

DBM: I’m just paraphrasing the description you gave of yourself.

Sylvester: Dave, I am not selfish. I am not greedy. It’s not about lust. And, I am very considerate of my wife’s feelings.

DBM: Okay?

Sylvester: I am able to be in love with my wife, and also fall in love with another woman at the same time because no two women are the same. Can you at least agree to this?

DBM: I know no two people are the same.

Sylvester: Good! My wife is an extremely business-driven lady. Trust me, I love that about her. Rose, on the other hand can sit to discuss football with me, dance to the music I dance to, drink tequila, vodka, and rum with me and still be fly.

DBM: Who is Rose?

Sylvester: The third woman I am in love with.

DBM: There is a second?

Sylvester: Yes. And I love all three with the same amount of love.

DBM: Wait, I’m not getting it.

Sylvester: You get it! My wife, who is number one; Ophelia and Rose.

DBM: You are engaging all three as we chat today?

Sylvester: Yes! But I keep them as far away from each other as possible.

DBM: I see.

Sylvester: Ophelia is an excellent cook. She gives me the best sex out of the three. My wife listens but she’s not a great listener as Rose. They are all good mothers to my children.

DBM: You have children with the extra two?

Sylvester: A child each with O and R. However, I have children with my wife.

DBM: Why haven’t you mentioned the other two to your wife?

Sylvester: I am only protecting her from heartbreak.

DBM: Before marrying her, did you ever draw her attention to the fact that, you’re not only made for her?

Sylvester: No!

DBM: Why not?

Sylvester: I didn’t want to lose a good woman.

DBM: But you were very okay with taking away her choice to be with a man who cannot be only hers? She deserved to have an opinion on this matter.

Sylvester: Yes, but it doesn’t mean the love I have for her is gone.

DBM: Does O know there is an R?

Sylvester: No!

DBM: I see.

Sylvester: Dave, I willingly give myself up to each of them. I divide my time and resources accordingly, so none is in dire need.

DBM: Are you doing this because you have money?

Sylvester: I don’t have money. I earn a decent salary. All three women work, so we combine our resources to build what we all share.

DBM: How do you handle the drama each brings to the table?

Sylvester: I am not built to break. My heart is big enough to make room for their wahala.

DBM: Which of them communicates the best?

Sylvester: Rose

DBM: Which of them is ambitious and strong?

Sylvester: My wife.

DBM: Which one values the relationship the most?

Sylvester: Ophelia. Unfortunately, my wife has become complacent, often putting to bed the romantic antics of our relationship.

DBM: Why is that?

Sylvester: Probably because we have been together for a long time.

DBM: Which of them is fun to be with?

Sylvester: I would say, Rose and Ophelia. Ophelia wows me with brutal sex and keeps me active all the time. Rose will drive my lazy butt off the bed to dance with her for hours. She also throws in very important ideas related to my work.

DBM: Which of them do you connect with the most?

Sylvester: I connect with all three on a different level, which satisfies me.

DBM: How about finances?

Sylvester: My wife makes smart decisions when it comes to money.

DBM: Which one supports you the most?

Sylvester: Ophelia

DBM: How about respect?

Sylvester: Rose.

DBM: Vulnerability…

Sylvester: My wife and Rose.

DBM: Which of them keeps you in your element?

Sylvester: They all do, in their own unique ways.

DBM: Which of them are you in love with?

Sylvester: I am in love with my wife. I am in love with Ophelia. I am in love with Rose. My heart starts to pound when I don’t hear from my wife in hours. My heart beats when I speak with Ophelia. My heart smiles when I am with Rose. They all make me happy, and I fear losing any one of them. They make me feel comfortable when I am around them.

DBM: What is your expectation for your love life?

Sylvester: I used to have a list of wants in a woman. I don’t need a list to be happy with my life anymore. I chose these three wonderful women because they make me happy.

Image Credit: Nicola Barts

Let’s Talk To Ofori: Part 2

Written by David B on December 26, 2022. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Mr. Ofori, thank you for agreeing to a second interview.

Ofori: My pleasure. I read some of the comment on Facebook. People want to hear more.

DBM: Yes please

Ofori: I’m ready

DBM: This question is from Anane Wisdom to your wife: Why did she marry a jobless former prison inmate? What did she see in you that no one else did? How did her family take her decision to marry you? And, how was the marriage ceremony?

Ofori: I need to ask my wife. I will type her response

DBM: Okay!

(15 minutes later)

Ofori: Ama had a fiancé the time they came for the prison outreach. After our encounter, she couldn’t stop herself from forgetting about me. She did not get back to me for a long time because she was in a relationship with George. Things ended between them after he got another woman pregnant. She says, though George was her taste, he was totally wrong for her. She considered dating me because she believed I fit into the normalcy of her life. She decided we would be friends, and a relationship was built from there. She married me because we had become good friends. She says I became her responsibility, and she had trust in me. We also found common ground during misunderstandings, and had come out with a deeper understanding of issues; we were empathetic towards each another, and had respect for our point of views. We were comfortable with each other because I was living in her house. I also realized I could be content with just Ama. And, because she was in love with me, and I in her, she wanted nothing more than to marry me. Her family were not in favor of her decision, but she was convinced I was hers to keep. We had a very simple wedding, and it was sponsored by my wife and her close friends.

DBM: From Benjamin Riverston: Where was your mother when you got released from prison? Was your mother checking up on you while in prison? What was the relationship between your father and mother while in prison? And, did your father ever forgive you?

Ofori: In our house, my father dominated their marriage. My mother didn’t have a say; she had to do everything my father wanted done. I did not see them making decisions together, she could not strike a balance even with how to raise us kids. My father didn’t want anything to do with me, and so my mother kept her physical distance in order not to upset my father. But she would send food and greetings through my wife to me in prison. Ama became friends with my mother in the process. I will describe the relationship between my parents as toxic. He abused my mother physically, emotionally, sexually and psychologically. My father did not forgive me till he died.

DBM: Kwadwo Twum wants to know the role your wife played in making you who you became after your release? And, how did society define you? How were you able to fit into society, and even find work?

Ofori: I craved for support during my encounter with Ama on their outreach program. When we became friends, and was visiting me in prison, I kept reminding her I would need help to make it out there after my release. Ama was that singular someone in my life who cared about me unconditionally, and was by my side, no matter what could go wrong. I had the ability to understand numbers and how they could influence a company; I had an eye for detail, and loved math. She knew I wanted the opportunity to go back to school, and she believed in my mind. She took bank loans to fund my education. I have two Masters degrees and was working in Finance prior to my retirement. I paid back all the monies she spent on me after I was gainfully employed. My wife ensured all my needs were met. She allowed me to make decisions concerning my life and interests, and she supported me through and through without a shadow of doubt. She believed I was capable of meeting my goals, and was my number one fan – always encouraging me to go after my dreams. I became the best version of myself.

My entire society was built around my wife. It was a conscious choice I made, and she built my confidence in believing in myself. Her presence in my life made me believe everything was going to work out, one way or the other. We also planned as early as possible for what I could do in order to have a successful life after prison.

DBM: From Fafah Gloria: How was your relationship with your parents after prison? And, do you have siblings? What was their reaction towards you?

Ofori: I only had a relationship with my mother, that was even after my father died years later. I have four other siblings from my mother’s side and three younger ones my dad had with other women. My siblings eventually came along.

DBM: Miriam Ronke would want to know whether or not you would advise any child to stand up for his or her abused parent?

Ofori: Unfortunately for me, beating up dad didn’t stop him from abusing my mother. And I ended up in prison. If you’re a witness to a parent being abused, find the nearest police station or domestic abuse service to report the abuser. Usually, abusers don’t listen to talks, so don’t try reasoning with them. Don’t ignore the issue thinking it’s up to your parents to figure out. Help them figure it out by getting the abuser arrested. It gives the victim room to decide what’s good for them.

DBM: Gyene W’ani wants to know whether or not Ama uses your past against you when there is a disagreement?

Ofori: Never. Trust is the foundation of our relationship, and she’s never had to protect herself from me because of my past record. She’s not the type who would use guilt as a weapon to control me; she’s not insensitive nor judgmental. Unlike my dad, Ama knows I’ve made mistakes and made amends the best way possible. I’ve been moving in the right direction since and I’d say, we’re happy together. She’s looked beyond the prison inmate.

DBM: The last question comes from me; you mentioned looking beyond the temptation to cheat on your wife in our first interview. How were you able to easily do that?

Ofori: It wasn’t an easy decision, Dave. I know the kind of life my father lived, and how his actions gravely affected my mother’s psychological wellbeing. My goal was to not satisfy several women with my affection and desires and expectations. My wife deserved my best, and so I chose Ama, to rather discover wholly and intentionally with my desire to satisfy all of her needs till death do us part. It’s a decision to choose to desire your wife over others, and I always chose Ama. She’s enough!

DBM: Thank you, Sir.

Ofori: You’re welcome. Hopefully, we covered all the questions?

DBM: Yes please, we have.

Image Credit: Kindel Media

Let’s Talk To Ofori: Part 1

Written by David B on December 23, 2022. Posted in Blog. 10 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 23: I’m Ofori

DBM: Hi Ofori. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Ofori: 70 years young. I have had my share of the ups and downs and I believe that is what has made me the man I am today. They say I have a good sense of humor and very opinionated; I get out of bed early because my knees have started to hurt and everything aches lately.

DBM: Why is a 70-year-old man on Facebook?

Ofori: I have been monitoring my children. I read from a few platforms to also see what’s happening. My daughter indirectly introduced your account to me. She comments a lot under your posts, and it was showing in my newsfeed. I think I’ve followed you for three years.

DBM: Nice meeting you, Sir. What do you want to talk about?

Ofori: I want to talk about my journey as a man.

DBM: Oh, nice! I am interested.

Ofori: I was in prison when I was 22 years old. I got released at age 32. I married at age 33.

DBM: Why were you in prison?

Ofori: I beat my father for beating my mum. He collapsed in the process because I hit his head with a sharp object. I was arrested and the rest is history.

DBM: How was life in prison?

Ofori: Imagine a boarding school built not to educate but frustrate and punish you. Every given moment of your day is scheduled and tightly controlled. You do not have the luxury to make a plan; lights go on and off per someone’s instruction; you do not have a choice to eat what you want; you force yourself to eat what you are given else you will go hungry. At night, there is the cessation of all movement and activities. You breathe the same stinking air and smell; it becomes your new normal. Life in prison is not a life any young man should experience. Being completely removed from society is not pleasant. We think Ghana is tough? Prison is hell. If you’ve not been caught in certain mistakes yet, find yourself a bit of help so you can get on the right path. It’s never too late.

DBM: How was the feeling after being released?

Ofori: The process was daunting and traumatic; so much anxiety and adjustments. A lot of catching up to be done, while dealing with mental health issues. I was practically stuck and didn’t know how to function in the society.

DBM: You married a year after your release. Tell me about that.

Ofori: I met my wife after I had served my first five years in prison. Her church had organized an event at our station, and they came to screen us. She was part of the health team that attended to me. While they took our samples and examined us, they asked what brought us to prison. I shared my story and she developed an interest in my case.

DBM: What was your first impression of her?

Ofori: I thought she was alright.

DBM: Your taste?

Ofori: It didn’t really matter to me because I knew she wasn’t going to fall for an inmate.

DBM: But was she your taste?

Ofori: She wasn’t. She came back 13 months later to visit me.

DBM: You remembered her?

Ofori: I did. She was the only one in the health team who looked me in the eyes and smiled at me during their outreach. I took a picture of her smiling – with my mind, and I looked at her every now and then.

DBM: Did she have the same smile when you saw her again?

Ofori: Even better. I told her I had been thinking about her.

DBM: Had you?

Ofori: You’re not listening. I just told you I look at her picture with my mind. Of course, I had been thinking about her. She told me she used to think about me too.

DBM: How did that make you feel?

Ofori: It was at that point that I realized she was my taste.

DBM: How so?

Ofori: My wife demonstrated mercy and grace amidst my hardship. Days after our second meet, I developed feelings for her because she’s a woman of impeccable character and stanch integrity. She was compassionate to my needs. 37 years in marriage, and she’s still the same towards me. I seriously cannot put a measure to my wife’s worth.

DBM: Why did you marry her?

Ofori: When I suggested marriage to her, I wasn’t working. I did not have money to even feed myself. I didn’t have a place to lay my head because my father didn’t want me around. My wife took me in. It was a risky decision she took, but she did anyways. She can be very stubborn; I have to admit. I felt so alone when I came out of prison. Marrying my wife eliminated loneliness for me.

DBM: How old is your wife?

Ofori: She’s two years older than me.

DBM: 72

Ofori: Yes!

DBM: How has marriage been like for you thus far?

Ofori: Nothing I could have ever dreamt of. It’s been beautiful, as well as hard. But we’ve moved through the tests of life together.

DBM: How many children?

Ofori: Four wonderful humans.

DBM: How important is sex in your marriage?

Ofori: As a young couple, we had a lot of sex while we could. Before and after the births of our children. Our emotional connection is still intact due to memories from the good old days.

DBM: Can I ask a personal question?

Ofori: I am already answering personal questions. Shoot!

DBM: Have you cheated on your wife before?

Ofori: The thought had occurred to me a couple of times from all directions, but I did not pursue the temptation. The bond I have with my wife is deep and that has been my support to stay true to my vows. I was not in a hurry to get where I was going with my wife in our marital journey. Most of the parties in marriages today are in such a hurry to reach a certain cloud, they have no sense of slowing down to appreciate, and be content with the little steps they take.

DBM: How have you been able to stay married this long?

Ofori: Oh, I have been reminding myself why my wife looks pretty to me. Whenever I hear her voice, I remind myself why I am still in love with her, especially during disagreements and fights. I look at the changes in her body that I don’t like so much, and rather zoom in, and sharpen the focus of my attention to the charming details about her that I used to see as amazing. I always remember why she’s my favorite woman, and I choose to be with her every day.

Image Credit: Kindel Media

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Let’s Talk To Ofori: Part 2

Let’s Talk To Ofori: Part 1

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