Blog – Page 24

Let’s Talk To Titanium

Written by David B on March 12, 2023. Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 60: Titanium is my nickname

DBM: Hi Titanium. How would you describe yourself?

Titanium: I am the captain of my ship, cruising all around with a few guests on board. Some of the guests are making crazy demands, and I am giving in to a few of their requests. This is causing my ship to drift from right to left on the sea.

DBM: Is that not scary?

Titanium: It is, but I am loving it at the same time.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Titanium: 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Titanium: I fall in love faster than I cum. Dave, I am so visual and it’s scaring the shid outta me. I am married but I fall in love with any nice girl that makes me feel special. A fine gal tells me ‘I love you’, and my natural response to her is, ‘I love you too’.

DBM: Lol!

Titanium: I’m serious bro

DBM: Why did you marry your wife?

Titanium: She fell in the same category: easy to talk to, trustworthy and attractive. She asked me to marry her

DBM: I see. Were you in love with her?

Titanium: I was. I was in love with the others before and after her too

DBM: How do you know you’re in love with a woman?

Titanium: When she tells me she loves me, and I give my automatic response.

DBM: What type of woman are you attracted to?

Titanium: The types I am not able to stop thinking about. They come in all shapes and sizes

DBM: Most of the times, the key to getting what you want is knowing exactly what you want

Titanium: I know what I want. I love women.

DBM: Do these women you end up with, make you happy?

Titanium: They do

DBM: Do they know you’re not exclusive with them?

Titanium: Yes. I tell them I am married and cannot be in another relationship with them. Some choose to move on while others hang around till they meet someone else. But anytime I am on a date, I prepare myself for what might or not happen at the end of the date.

DBM: What usually happens after the first date?

Titanium: We have sex, and then end up becoming emotionally attached to each other – even though we may not be ready for that

DBM: And, are these women you go on dates and sleep with, right for you?

Titanium: We usually have great chemistry, and I am drawn to them

DBM: Drawn to them in which sense?

Titanium: They make me a part of their plans

DBM: Does chemistry become love for you?

Titanium: Sometimes, yes!

DBM: Is your marriage balanced?

Titanium: My wife is perfect; nothing wrong with her. Nothing wrong with our marriage. I don’t know if it’s because she’s given me too much space and freedom?

DBM: But you mentioned earlier you were like this, prior to meeting your wife, no?

Titanium: Yes

DBM: Okay!

Titanium: I am the problem

DBM: How do you feel after coming to the realization that – your wife married a whole project and that, she should be hitting her head to a brick wall because you will never change?

Titanium: I sometimes feel horrible

DBM: You know that, in-as-much-as you cannot control your thoughts and feelings, you have every control over your actions?

Titanium: I know, but the girls of today are very attractive. It’s difficult not to lose focus

DBM: There is always someone attractive everywhere we go. However, genuine intimacy with the right person isn’t found everywhere

Titanium: True

DBM: What are your priorities in life right now?

Titanium: I want to make a shitload of money from my business, so I can take care of my children, wife and women. It will make me very happy, and also, calm me down.

DBM: If I am getting the order right, money is your first priority?

Titanium: I need to earn to take care of myself and family

DBM: Your children come second?

Titanium: Yeah!

DBM: How many kids do you have?

Titanium: My wife may chance upon this conversation if you publish it. I don’t want to reveal so much about my personal life.

DBM: Alright!

Titanium: Dave, I make time for my wife. I give her my full presence whenever we are together. I am a good husband and father.

DBM: Okay!

Titanium: I care about her

DBM: Imagine your wife being the exact carbon-copy of your character; would you have allowed yourself to be caught up in the web of believing that you could fix her to be committed solely to you – forgoing all others?

Titanium: She doesn’t know about this side of me. She’s not affected in any way

DBM: But she’s going to figure you out someday soon

Titanium: Till then…

DBM: Is your wife the most compatible for you?

Titanium: No, but I am willing to wipe the puke off her face, sit by her bedside at the hospital for as long as possible, support her in the good and bad times. I’ve got her back

DBM: Good for you.

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Milk & Honey

Written by David B on March 7, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 59: Milk & Honey

DBM: Hello Milk ‘n’ Honey. How would you describe yourself?

M&H: I am not the type that falls into the ruse that buying or having the next nice thing will give me the gratification I may be looking for in life. I am okay if people do not choose me to hang out with. I am okay if others have fun without me. I do not attribute my worth to my social presence. I eat healthy and nutritious meals, I drink a lot of water, my mental health is of utmost concern to me; I make sure I am feeling good inside and out, I hardly would take anything too personally or to heart to hurt my feelings. My daily routine is to strive to be better than I was the day before.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

M&H: 8.5 over 10, I think.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

M&H: I’ve had my fair share of being in ridiculous relationships, whereby I was prioritizing love over respect, trust and affection. My third relationship, actually was my wake-up-call to the fact that, being in love with a man should not be the reason for me to stay in a relationship with him. I tolerated certain behaviors in my past relationships that I shouldn’t have, and finally made the difficult decision not to force my heart to people who didn’t deserve my love. I decided to be a single mother if I weren’t dating or married to a solid guy by the age of 36.

DBM: How old are you today?

M&H: 36

DBM: I see

M&H: And I am eight months pregnant.

DBM: Oh, wow! You, did it?

M&H: I did.

DBM: Congratulations!

M&H: Thank you!

DBM: You’re in a relationship, I guess?

M&H: No!

DBM: Okay?

M&H: Five days before ovulation last year, I had sex with someone. I had already made plans with myself to have a baby, and so I decided to find the ‘perfect’ candidate to sleep with during my fertile window.

DBM: ‘Perfect candidate’ meaning?

M&H: He had to be intelligent, kind, courageous and creative.

DBM: Is this a random guy or you already knew him?

M&H: I know him. He’s a friend and colleague from work.

DBM: Is he single?

M&H: No, he’s married.

DBM: I see

M&H: There was and is nothing going on between us.

DBM: So, why did he agree to this?

M&H: He doesn’t know he is responsible for my pregnancy

DBM: But he knows he had unprotected sex with you, no?

M&H: I don’t know. But he knows we had sex that one time

DBM: Really?

M&H: We were slightly tipsy, I think

DBM: Were you drunk?

M&H: Not really, but he was.

DBM: You did not plan this with him, you also mentioned nothing ever going on between you two; how did you manage to get him to sleep with you?

M&H: As I said, he is my friend. I knew his hangouts with friends that weekend. I just happened to be there that evening while they partied.

DBM: Where did the sex happen?

M&H: In my car.

DBM: What was his reaction after the sex?

M&H: We’ve not talked about it.

DBM: He sees you pregnant though, no?

M&H: Yes. He’s congratulated me and is happy for me and the baby-daddy.

DBM: Which baby-daddy?

M&H: Everyone at work thinks I have a secret boyfriend.

DBM: Smh! Including him?

M&H: Especially him. I had to sell that storyline.

DBM: He’s buying it?

M&H: Not sure, because he’s started befriending my girlfriends and asking questions about my imaginary boyfriend.

DBM: Your girlfriends know about your plan?

M&H: Nobody knows.

DBM: So, you truly got pregnant after the action in your car with him?

M&H: Yes!

DBM: That was quick

M&H: I wasn’t sure I was ready to be a mother, even though I had planned the process to the last detail.

DBM: How did you feel when you found out you were expecting?

M&H: I was in shock. I sobbed for hours because I couldn’t believe it could happen to me. I am going to love this baby with all of my heart.

DBM: Are you going to involve the father at any point in time?

M&H: No! I am raising her all by myself.

DBM: It’s a girl?

M&H: Yes! I am having a princess, and she’s going to be the greatest blessing of my life.

DBM: Why don’t you want to involve the guy?

M&H: Dave, I have a mind of my own. I am financially stable and can take care of my needs and that of the baby’s. I am up for the challenge as a single mother, and do not need to depend on him. I take responsibility for my own actions and happiness. Most importantly; I do not think I need a man to feel complete.

DBM: Okay!

M&H: Also, I know he has a girlfriend. A man cheating on his wife is an evidence to me that, he will resort to the same behavior after giving him my attention. I am not settling for a flawed connection.

DBM: Understood. Why did you want to chat with me?

M&H: My pregnancy scenario may not be the best example, but I knew what my dream was. I knew what my life needed the most at this point in time. It was a plan I could achieve, though babies are a gift. I want to encourage anyone with a plan in mind or a dream, to follow through with the steps in pursuing their passions. You can turn your reality into something you believe can make you happy. We are never going to make everyone in our lives happy, no matter what we do or say. That is why we have to realize that, we are the only ones in our lives to understand our decisions and choices; our deepest fears and wishes. Only you know what’s in your best interest.

DBM: I concur.

Image Credits: A&C Photos

Let’s Talk To Stacy

Written by David B on March 1, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 58: My name is Stacy

DBM: Hi Stacy. How would you describe yourself?

Stacy: There is not much to say

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Stacy: 3

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Stacy: My cousin is pregnant for my husband. He told me about their relationship not long ago.

DBM: Why did he tell you?

Stacy: Because he realized I had been my happiest since finding out about her pregnancy.

DBM: Has she confirmed what your husband has made known to you?

Stacy: Yes!

DBM: What did she say?

Stacy: She said she was sorry

DBM: That was that?

Stacy: I couldn’t ask any more questions

DBM: Why?

Stacy: Dave, I still don’t know why

DBM: You cannot fix what you will not confront

Stacy: I know!

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Stacy: I don’t even know how I feel about them right now. My cousin has been my biggest encouragement throughout the years. She’s given me the best laughs and smiles anytime we were together. I don’t understand why they could do this to me.

DBM: How are you taking it all in at home with your husband?

Stacy: It’s not easy. I am heartbroken at this point. I am trying to stay strong for our marriage but it’s not getting me anywhere.

DBM: I don’t think it’s your place to be ‘strong’ for a spouse or significant other who has chosen to cheat on you.

Stacy: A lot of people look up to us and our marriage. My fear is disappointing them if I am to opt for a divorce.

DBM: How long are you willing to save face?

Stacy: Hmmm! But is it okay to walk away from an 11-year-old marriage?

DBM: What do you want to do?

Stacy: I don’t know for now.

DBM: You love him?

Stacy: I love my husband dearly, but I do not like what he’s done to our marriage. It’s a dealbreaker for me. I am concerned about our children and what others would say if I walk away.

DBM: Do you want to walk away?

Stacy: Yes!

DBM: Why?

Stacy: Because he broke our covenant, and I cannot trust him anymore. Dave, a lot of men have expressed interest in me, even with the knowledge of my marital status. The love and respect I have for my husband has been the enabling knock pushing other admirers away. Why couldn’t my husband show me the same measure of respect? I have chosen transparency in our marriage because I want to be honest with him through and through.

DBM: He’s been honest with you now, no?

Stacy: I don’t think I am willing to allow him to dust me with his dirt. I feel betrayed.

DBM: You can love someone enough to let them go

Stacy: I know, but who would want a mother of two kids?

DBM: Stacy, ‘a mother of two kids’ is also a whole package. You’re a good-looking woman, and there is someone to love on you wholeheartedly – without making you feel that because you’re a mother of two, something is inadequate about you.

Stacy: True!

DBM: Again, your husband did mess up but try not to judge him based on his worst day

Stacy: It’s actually not fair to say that to me. He had a choice to be disciplined

DBM: When it comes to love and its commitments, discipline is a MUST, and not a choice.

Stacy: Exactly, Dave. I equally get tempted to look elsewhere when situations in our marriage makes him less than the stellar man to hold up high. This is not the first time that I have been tempted to cut things off between us. This is not the first time I have been tempted to cheat on my husband because my gut was telling me he was entertaining another woman. I have been hanging in there, hoping our commitments to one another would get better.

DBM: So, he’s been unfaithful in the marriage before?

Stacy: Yes! He made me question my over-reactiveness and sensitivity. He made me believe I was misinterpreting everything. Cheating has never been worth it for me. I believe as a couple, we all do well when we decide to do better.

DBM: I concur!

Stacy: The grass has also looked greener on the other side for me, but…

DBM: I get you.

Stacy: And the reason why I am not willing to fight for this marriage any longer is that, my husband told my cousin I am a ‘decent’ woman – and will go to unusual lengths just to keep him and the marriage happy.

DBM: Are you his definition of decency?

Stacy: I was

DBM: Do you feel obliged to choose your husband and marriage because of the children or what others would think?

Stacy: I used to, but I am beginning to realize I have to care more about what I deserve

DBM: I know you may have expected more from your husband. And I can understand how disheartening his actions have been

Stacy: How do I get over the fear of letting people down?

DBM: Which people?

Stacy: My children, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends, church members, etc.

DBM: I usually do not care so much about what others think of me. Fortunately or unfortunately, love and peace of mind are two of the most important things in my life. If I were in your shoes, I would follow my heart and not the opinions of others. Refuse to live up to the expectations of others. After all, not everyone will agree with your convictions

Stacy: When do you think I will find it in my heart to forgive him, even if we go our separate ways?

DBM: You would have to move to forgiveness in your own time. I don’t rush myself into forgiving people. I can’t force you to forgive me either, should I wrong you. You get me?

Stacy: You’ve been very helpful.

DBM: I’m glad to know.

Image Credits: Tobit Nazar Nieto Hernandez

Let’s Talk To Phyllis

Written by David B on February 21, 2023. Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 57: I am Phyllis

DBM: Hello Phyllis. How would you describe yourself?

Phyllis: I am real, I am not fake; I am strong in my faith and firm in my beliefs.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Phyllis: I’ve dated my fiancé for five years and we were already talking marriage this year. I would admittedly have been the luckiest lady to have him as my man three weeks ago, if I hadn’t found out about what he had been up to.

DBM: What has he been up to?

Phyllis: Let me start from the beginning. When we met, he was struggling to find his feet. I had no problem with that because he is smart and a goal chaser. He’s the guy who would work hard when the crunch is on, and still get the result. He’s not been the type that needs someone to motivate him; he’s always encouraging himself. He is strong and resilient, except when he’s being a softie. We’re both trained in the same field and in many ways, I could see the buoyancy that allows me to rise above problems and adversity in him. That was the first connection I felt between us when he approached me at the filling station with his résumé.

DBM: How old is he?

Phyllis: 39

DBM: How old are you?

Phyllis: 36

DBM: Okay

Phyllis: I helped him to find his current job and he’s been doing exceptionally well. He is respected by his peers. He fell sick two years ago and had to undergo three different surgeries. I used part of my savings to help clear his bills. There was this big contract his firm needed to secure, and him being the team lead for that particular assignment didn’t know how to put a convincing presentation together. He knew this was my field, and so he asked for my help. It took me two weeks to put everything in the bid together. I coached him and his team during weekends at home to get them to familiarize themselves with my work. They won the contract for their firm and he got a deserving commission. I was expecting to get my cut from his over 32,000 United States Dollar commission but he did not bring me in on it. His four other teammates made 15,000 USD each, and they all gave me 5000 USD off their cut.

DBM: What was the agreement between you two?

Phyllis: There was no agreement or payment terms discussed. I was just helping a boyfriend to secure a job contract, which eventually, got him a promotion.

DBM: Okay! But has he paid the money you used in clearing his hospital bills?

Phyllis: No!

DBM: Is he expected to pay back?

Phyllis: As a rational human being, I would have made attempts to pay back if I were him. I think because I haven’t specifically asked for the money, he is thinking it’s a gift.

DBM: Is it a gift?

Phyllis: No!

DBM: I see

Phyllis: I needed to use his phone to make a quick phone call because mine was on low battery. He was asleep when I picked the phone. An unread message was on the screen, and it was coming from another woman, telling him she loves him too.

DBM: Meaning, he told her he loves her?

Phyllis: He did! A lot of their chats had been deleted, and so there was nothing to see. I saved her number on my phone and tried to send her MoMo to see the name registered to it. I knew her; my company had worked for her father’s company before. It was their company that awarded my boyfriend’s firm the huge contract.

DBM: The proposal you worked on?

Phyllis: Same one.

DBM: Are you friends with this other lady?

Phyllis: I am not, but I know her

DBM: Why do you think he is dating her?

Phyllis: I confronted him and he told me he is in love with the both of us, and that, I shouldn’t force him to choose.

DBM: What does he mean by ‘don’t force him to choose’?

Phyllis: Dave, I am trying not to involve too many emotions into evaluating his actions, but I realized somewhere along the line, after winning that contract, that he wasn’t putting enough effort to be there for me when I needed him. I was basically the only one going out of my way to make things work in the relationship.

DBM: Was he present to you?

Phyllis: I wouldn’t know, because it seemed like all the little and big things I was doing for him often went unseen and I felt like my presence was actually in the shadow of his selfishness.

DBM: When did he propose marriage to you?

Phyllis: After he recovered from his third surgery.

DBM: Are you satisfied with the type of man he is?

Phyllis: He is a good guy

DBM: Is this ‘good guy’ the right man for you to marry?

Phyllis: Dave, being single can be unbearable, and I don’t know if I am in the right frame of mind right now, but he feels wrong to marry though he is the right man for me.

DBM: Why does he ‘feel wrong’?

Phyllis: I thought we had a strong partnership built on trust. With the introduction of this other woman in his life, I feel like there is this crack in the foundation of what we share.

DBM: Getting married to an unfaithful man has no power to keep the relationship, or even you from experiencing feelings you’d likely rather not have to go through.

Phyllis: What do I do now?

DBM: If I were in your shoes, I would make time for me, so I could find ways to regain my sense of self.

Phyllis: What do I do with him at the meantime?

DBM: Avoid him as much as physically and electronically

Phyllis: But we live together

DBM: Whose house, is it?

Phyllis: Mine

DBM: You have your answer.

Phyllis: He’s the only man I’ve really loved

DBM: I can imagine but being in love is not enough to make a relationship a healthy one. Is what he is doing to you going to make you happy down the line – if he’s unable to stick to only you? You need time to process everything that has happened if you’re uncertain of being able to compromise rather too much.

Image Credit: Muhammadtaha Ibrahim

Let’s Talk To Esme

Written by David B on February 16, 2023. Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 56: Esmeralda

DBM: Hi Esme. How would you describe yourself?

Esme: I am 25 years old, and pursuing an EMBA Project Management at the University of Ghana.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Esme: My boyfriend lives and works in Kumasi. He is also pursuing an MPhil in Computer Engineering at KNUST. Months ago, he told me my dad had been visiting one of the students on campus. He had seen him two times with the same lady prior to telling me. I did not believe him, and so he took a picture of them from a distance – standing by my father’s car on a Friday.

DBM: Was it your father in the picture?

Esme: It was my dad. I wanted more proof. I suggested to my boyfriend to befriend the lady, so I can gather enough information on her. He became friends with her, and to my surprise, we both had the same surname. I tracked her on Facebook and Instagram, and Dave, there is a lot of resemblance between us. In fact, my boyfriend once said she looks and smiles like me. We have the same eyes and forehead.

DBM: Is it what I am thinking you’re about to say?

Esme: She’s my father’s daughter.

DBM: How do you know?

Esme: Because she introduced my boyfriend to her father

DBM: Your father?

Esme: Yes

DBM: Why did she introduce him?

Esme: It was actually a coincidence. He was heading to a lecture and he saw them on campus.

DBM: Does your father know about your guy?

Esme: He doesn’t.

DBM: How long have you been dating him?

Esme: Two and a half years.

DBM: I see

Esme: Dave, my mother will chew my father alive if she finds out. She’s a lawyer and has been representing many clients with their divorce cases. She’s always told me that in all of her divorce cases, it’s the men who cheated, and that, I should not ignore a cheating boyfriend or husband, or ever choose to live my life without expectations of faithfulness in it. She strongly believes that a cheat will always cheat again, and again … and again.

DBM: How close are you to your father?

Esme: Very close, Dave. I’m a daddy’s girl.

DBM: How close is your relationship with your mother?

Esme: Very close.

DBM: Do you know the age of your sister in KNUST?

Esme: She’s 22

DBM: Are you in contact with her?

Esme: No!

DBM: Why not?

Esme: I am getting to know her through my boyfriend.

DBM: Do you like the person your boyfriend describes her to be?

Esme: Very much!

DBM: Do you wish to know her?

Esme: Yes, but I concerned about my mother.

DBM: Have you confronted your father?

Esme: Not yet. I am very confused because I used to assume that my father would never cheat on my mother. I have commented under several of your posts on Facebook, praising my father for being a one-of-a-kind with your gender.

DBM: He is still the same man you have always loved

Esme: Yes, but not the same idea of him in my head. I have a lot of complicated feelings within to sort through

DBM: Are you the only child of your parents?

Esme: I am the third out of four

DBM: Have you told the others?

Esme: Not yet. My mother is going to be mentally injured. I don’t know how my siblings are going to take this news. And I know for sure my mother will leave my dad.

DBM: You need to decide whether or not to bring it up with your father

Esme: And, why not with my mother first?

DBM: There is no right and wrong approach to handling this issue. Listen to your gut and what it tells you, and trust in your decision

Esme: I have a feeling my dad is still in a relationship with the girl’s mother or other women.

DBM: Why do you say that?

Esme: It’s just a feeling.

DBM: What does your boyfriend say about all this?

Esme: He thinks I should shift my focus from my parents’ personal matters to something else and just leave it to my dad and mum and fate.

DBM: What’s your take on that?

Esme: I think my father has indirectly given my boyfriend the license to be dishonest with me and get away with it.

DBM: Does your father ignore your mother?

Esme: No!

DBM: Has your mother spoken about anything your father has done, or is doing to distress her?

Esme: Not that I know of.

DBM: Do your parents fight a lot?

Esme: Not really.

DBM: Does your father spend time with your mother?

Esme: He does, and makes time for all of us. That’s why I am still in shock as to how this could even be true.

DBM: Our parents are not, and cannot be perfect people.

Esme: I really looked up to my dad, Dave. I feel like he has disappointed me big time.

DBM: Present a scenario without any names mentioned to your father. Tell him you read about a case on my timeline about a friend of yours, whose dad is cheating on his mother. Explain how hurt and upset your friend is at the moment. Ask your dad how you can approach this topic with your friend.

Esme: He will know I know

DBM: Is that not the end game?

Esme: I don’t want him to feel like I am indirectly, accusing him.

DBM: You do love your father

Esme: That’s why I feel so conflicted. Now, I need to keep this secret also from my mom.

DBM: Again, you do not know the full details until you confront him

Esme: I cannot concentrate on my work and studies.

Image Credit: Charlotte May

Let’s Talk To Awo

Written by David B on February 12, 2023. Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 55: I choose Awo

DBM: Hello Awo. How would you describe yourself?

Awo: I’ve been through a lot, but I think I am strong – stronger than I know

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Awo: My husband used to grow his left-little finger. He kept it rounded, polished and clean. It used to be really cute, till he accidentally poked my right eye during sex. My retina tore and fluid came out of my eye. My right eye practically opened, and the rest is history. I lost my vision for the right eye, even after undergoing surgery.

DBM: Oh, my goodness!

Awo: The pain I had to endure for months… Hmmm!

DBM: I can only imagine.

Awo: The incident made me hate my husband for all the wrong reasons. I developed a lot of negative feelings towards him, I was not exactly sure why. I wouldn’t let him touch or even get close to me for almost a year.

DBM: I can understand

Awo: Here is the other thing, I’ve had a fallout with my mother-in-law.

DBM: Why?

Awo: She doesn’t like me

DBM: Why?

Awo: Because her son married me. She’s been against our relationship for the longest time. She had the ‘perfect’ lady-in-waiting to date her son, but he wasn’t interested in her. My mother-in-law thinks I ‘stole’ her son from the woman she approved of.

DBM: Did you come between them?

Awo: I did not

DBM: Okay! How long have you been married?

Awo: Nine years. We’ve been blessed with a boy and a girl

DBM: That’s great!

Awo: You realize I’ve still not told you why I am in your inbox?

DBM: Why are you in my inbox?

Awo: Dave, I try to avoid any form of conflict as possible. I abhor fights, and I am always careful not to get into arguments with people. But my mother-in-law wouldn’t hear it. She’s had a problem with me since the beginning of time. The annoying part is, anytime she feels like visiting my husband at home, she comes unannounced and uninvited. Actually, I don’t even have a problem with her being here. The children love to have their grandma around. My husband, however, finds an excuse every time his mother arrives – to be less available to her at home. He expects me to bond with a woman he knows doesn’t like me.

DBM: How do you relate with her when she’s around?

Awo: We don’t really talk

DBM: You at least, greet her, no?

Awo: I used to, but she wouldn’t respond and so I stopped.

DBM: And, your children are a witness to this?

Awo: She tells them that I don’t respect her. Dave, it’s a long story.

DBM: I see

Awo: So, in one of our arguments two weeks ago, she made fun of my right eye. She did not know it was her son who caused it, and so I angrily rubbed it in her face, and I think I went overboard to insult her. I threw her things out and sacked her from my house. She stood outside the gate till my husband got home. He wanted to bring her in but she insisted on leaving. And mind you, it was late. Dave, I cannot forget the look of sadness that crossed my husband’s face when his mother started to cry.

DBM: You felt bad about it?

Awo: Yeah, but it wasn’t because his mother was crying.

DBM: What was it then?

Awo: Because I told her he poked my eye. We had agreed not to inform her, due to the toxic relationship between us.

DBM: Why was his mother crying?

Awo: I don’t know

DBM: I see

Awo: I heard my husband talking to a woman on phone, asking if he could bring his mother over for the night. He drove his mother to wherever, and returned home after 12 am. I pretended to be asleep till he started snoring. I checked the call history on his phone, and checked his conversations with the lady he had sent his mum to on WhatsApp.

DBM: What prompted you to do this?

Awo: It was a raw, gut feeling I had, suggesting to me to check his phone. You men may never understand. My internal feeling was telling me something wasn’t right the moment I heard him talking on phone with the other woman outside. Even before I found out that they had been having an affair. There wasn’t much conversation between them as at two weeks ago, because he had been deleting all of their chats. He probably forgot to clear their chats that day because of the altercation between his mother and I.

DBM: How did you feel after what you discovered on his phone?

Awo: Dave, it ruins everything between us.

DBM: Hmmm!

Awo: I am still considering what to do

DBM: It’s always better to make a considered decision, rather than an impulsive one

Awo: If only you knew what is going through my mind right now

DBM: Did you confront him?

Awo: I did, and he is using my issue with his mother to score a stupid point.

DBM: What is going through your mind?

Awo: I want to do something to hit him where it hurts.

DBM: Something like what?

Awo: He breaks my eye and still thinks he has the license to cheat on me?

DBM: Awo

Awo: What?

DBM: This is your anger speaking

Awo: He has hurt me. I will hurt him back

DBM: Treat yourself kindly and consider walking away from what you know isn’t the right thing to do

Awo: What would you have done if you were in my shoes?

DBM: I don’t know what I would have done

Awo: He has a beautiful family with me, and he tells his mother all the time. Why would he risk so much by cheating on me?

DBM: Do you know his motivation for going outside the marriage?

Awo: He says it started when I distanced myself from him for a year after poking my eye.

DBM: He could have found a better way to deal with your silent treatment. I know a lot of guys who have told me that, they can still love their wives and want to have sex with other women.

Awo: And they feel they can get away with it? How inconsiderate can a man be, huh? Don’t you people feel guilty?

DBM: Even if there is a feeling of guilt, it wouldn’t be because of the stray sex. Your husband probably has been contemplating on the consequences, like you finding out about it someday.

Image Credit: Diva Plavalaguna

Let’s Talk To Ian

Written by David B on February 9, 2023. Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 54: Ian

DBM: Hi Ian. How would you describe yourself?

Ian: I am positive-minded, very open and I make the effort to live my life as best as I can. I am a sweet guy, fit, free-spirited and very adventurous. I am a father of three, a husband, and funny. I make my friends laugh a lot.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ian: I had an affair and confessed to my wife. She didn’t get angry after hearing me out. The dawn of the day I confessed, she woke me up to confess to her own affair. Mine had gone on for eight months and I have ended things between me and the other woman. My wife has been seeing her guy for two years, and it’s still ongoing. I don’t understand why she could do this to me.

DBM: How long have been married?

Ian: We are 12 years, Dave.

DBM: And, throughout the 12 years, was the eight months encounter your first affair?

Ian: No!

DBM: When did you start being with other women since you met your wife?

Ian: I have been with a few

DBM: How many is a few?

Ian: Maybe, five or six women.

DBM: Did your wife know about these other ladies?

Ian: No!

DBM: That is, to the best of your knowledge, no?

Ian: Yes! But I don’t think she knew; she would have confronted me.

DBM: Okay! Why were you cheating on your wife?

Ian: The other women provided a part of my needs that weren’t being met in my marriage.

DBM: What kinds of needs?

Ian: Dave, I was simply doing what felt good at that moment.

DBM: What felt good?

Ian: I know my week is perfect if I have had sex a few times in a row. Also, monogamy doesn’t make sense to me; it’s making my marriage a bit stale and routine. Being with other women provided me with something new to explore every day. It kept my thinking fresh, and it was exciting… And, challenging too.

DBM: Why didn’t you tell your wife right from the onset that – the marriage was becoming boring?

Ian: I did, and we tried doing things differently to spice it up.

DBM: What changed?

Ian: Not much. That’s why I started looking for connections outside of my marriage, rather than trying again to fix what could be missing or broken. It got to a point where, we sometimes didn’t have anything exciting to talk about at home.

DBM: Why did you confess to the affair?

Ian: The relationship with the other woman wasn’t working anymore, and I was feeling guilty.

DBM: Why were you feeling guilty?

Ian: I don’t know. Maybe because she threatened to tell my wife about us, when she couldn’t have her way with me.

DBM: Relieving your guilt just by telling your wife makes you selfish, you know?

Ian: Yeah, but I had no choice.

DBM: How do you feel about your wife’s affair?

Ian: I completely lost it. I am still hurt and angry, and I feel betrayed. It’s pretty hypocritical, but she has shattered my ability to trust her.

DBM: Do you know how she also feels about you?

Ian: I don’t really care.

DBM: Why don’t you care?

Ian: She’s destroyed our marriage.

DBM: How so?

Ian: Because she’s still in a relationship with the guy. She says she’s in love with him

DBM: What else did she say?

Ian: She wants to keep both the marriage and the affair

DBM: Do you know anything about the other guy?

Ian: He is married. That’s all I know

DBM: I see. What are you going to do now?

Ian: I have this friend that I enjoy being around. There is a strong sexual tension between us and I want to consider exploring it. I’ve been hesitant about her because she’s married.

DBM: Have you been honest with your wife about how her other relationship makes you feel?

Ian: It doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, we are all doing what we like

DBM: Is this what you want for your marriage?

Ian: No

DBM: Being married doesn’t mean you’d be immune to falling in love with other people. Your wife wants to keep both worlds. Question is, are you staying or are you going?

Ian: I don’t know what I want right now

DBM: What do you think you want?

Ian: I know it’s time to pay more attention to myself

DBM: Or your wife?

Ian: She doesn’t need me.

DBM: Do you need her?

Ian: I don’t!

DBM: Is this the ego and anger in you responding, because you feel your wife is checking out on your marriage?

Ian: Again, I don’t care

DBM: You don’t think the decisions you both have been making is wrong, and it’s what is destroying you and the marriage?

Ian: It is what it is! I don’t care about the consequences anymore. I will do me; she will do her.

DBM: What is your love language?

Ian: I express my love in a more physical way, because I most often do not have the perfect feeling words for a woman.

DBM: By ‘woman’, you mean your wife?

Ian: Whatever! So, sex is my best route to connection and intimacy.

DBM: Are you emotionally available to your wife?

Ian: Why that question?

DBM: Because all the married women I know who cheated, or are cheating on their husbands, are/were trying to fill an emotional void. They are/were with those other men because they made them feel desired and valued.

Ian: It is what it is! I am counting down to 3 o’clock to meet up with the lady I was talking about.

DBM: I can understand what you’re suffering, but you need to know that you have caused suffering too.

Ian: You think I don’t know that?

DBM: Why are you not avoiding the temptation to cheat again?

Ian: Is she doing that?

DBM: If only you could stop second-guessing her actions, and rather examine your own

Ian: She’s the one breaking our family. I made a mistake. I ended things. She’s making a mistake and holding on to it.

DBM: We are not talking about your wife. I am chatting with you. Why is it that most of us men, instead of creating space to process exactly what has happened to us, and why it happened in the first place, we rather would move to the next available trick?

Ian: What do you want me to do?

DBM: What do you need from your marriage, and from yourself?

Ian: I don’t want my wife to let me down. I don’t want to let her down either.

DBM: What do you think is currently lacking in your marriage?

Ian: At the moment, my wife is not giving me the chance to share my heart with her, and win her over. She’s decided for me by hanging on to the married man.

DBM: You’re married to a human being. She will let you down, just as you have. Don’t tell me you’re waiting on her to change first?

Ian: I am changing my ways. She has to change hers

DBM: Stop blaming your wife for your own part of the bad decisions and behavior.

Ian: It takes two to break a marriage

DBM: So, own your role in your infidelity, and stick to that.

Ian: Smh!

DBM: Do you love your wife?

Ian: I love my wife

DBM: Tell her how you feel about everything happening and make time for trust to be rebuilt. That could be the fresh start you need.

Ian: What if it doesn’t get back to how it used to be?

DBM: You will take a step back and come to the conclusion that, after genuinely trying for so long, maybe this one thing you so much wanted to work out, isn’t meant to be.

Image Credit: Oladimeji Ajegbile

Let’s Talk To Pearl

Written by David B on February 7, 2023. Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 53: Hello Dave. My name is Pearl

DBM: Hello Pearl. How would you describe yourself?

Pearl: ………………………………………………………………………………………………

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Pearl: I have had four abortions in my lifetime. All these happened before I met my husband. He does not know about my past, and I’d want it to stay that way. I come from a Christian household, and though I am not blaming anyone for my actions, I feel like if my parents had talked to us about sex from an early age, some bad choices I made in life could have been prevented.

DBM: What did your parents talk to you guys about in relation to sex?

Pearl: Abstinence, and why God admonishes us to live in purity. That was all they stressed on

DBM: I grew up in a home like that too

Pearl: You did?

DBM: I did! At what age did you start having sex?

Pearl: When I was 15 years. My science teacher pressured me into liking him.

DBM: Whereby ‘pressured’ means?

Pearl: It wasn’t rape. I wasn’t doing so well in his subject and he realized it bothered me. He wrote me a letter explaining how he could transfer his smart science gene to me through other means.

DBM: Tell me ‘Other means’ meant extra classes?

Pearl: He was the first man I had sex with. And for some strange reason, my grades started to change for the better in science. He told me to just study and write whatever I felt were the right answers to any of his assignments, quizzes, tests and examination questions.

DBM: Are you good in science today?

Pearl: No! Of course, I am wiser now, and so I know he was either dashing me marks or answering the questions for me at home after every quiz.

DBM: Did he use protection with you?

Pearl: Yes, for the most part.

DBM: How many times did sex happen between you two?

Pearl: About 15 times.

DBM: How old was he?

Pearl: Early 30’s.

DBM: At what age was your first abortion?

Pearl: 17

DBM: Second?

Pearl: 19

DBM: Third?

Pearl: 23

DBM: And the last one?

Pearl: 25

DBM: Who got you pregnant at 17?

Pearl: My science teacher. He helped me get an abortion

DBM: Who got you pregnant at 19?

Pearl: My second boyfriend. My third boyfriend got me pregnant at 23, and the fourth guy at 25.

DBM: How many guys have you been with?

Pearl: They will not be up to 20

DBM: Do you regret aborting those pregnancies?

Pearl: I have no regrets. My parents did not educate me on sex, men, relationships and the responsibilities involved. There was no way I could have been prepared for a pregnancy or motherhood.

DBM: I see.

Pearl: My only biggest fear is the thought of being barren due to my past activities.

DBM: I doubt whether or not having abortions can affect your chances of becoming pregnant. You can experience normal pregnancy.

Pearl: Really?

DBM: Really! I know a dozen female friends who have aborted several pregnancies, but are mothers today.

Pearl: Hmmm! Dave, I need to give my husband a child. He wants a child so badly; I sometimes feel like I am denying him his dreamed family life.

DBM: What are your doctors saying?

Pearl: That, we’re both fine and can have babies at any time.

DBM: He knows about the abortions?

Pearl: My doctor?

DBM: Yes

Pearl: He was the one who detected that a womb infection I developed years ago hadn’t been properly treated. He realized I had had abortions before even telling him.

DBM: Is it treated now?

Pearl: Yes!

DBM: Good.

Pearl: Why do I feel like I am being punished for this?

DBM: Punished by whom?

Pearl: God.

DBM: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us.” I don’t know where it is in the Bible, but it’s in the Bible for sure.

Pearl: Do you believe it?

DBM: I do. GOD’S mercy is beyond comprehension. And, His mercy endures forever.

Pearl: Hmmm! I don’t know about that.

DBM: Don’t miss out on GOD’S gift of forgiveness. It’s the realest promise I know. You’re not the only one doing, or might have done things that aren’t pleasing to GOD. We all sin

Pearl: Four abortions is a lot of sin. Keeping it from my husband is another lie I live with

DBM: You’re a Christian, no?

Pearl: I am

DBM: Jesus took on all four of your abortions and the secret you still keep from your husband today on Himself, and paid for it on the cross by dying for you. The moment you choose to accept this truth, His forgiveness automatically becomes yours to take. His forgiveness is limitless, so start looking at your situation from the point of view of GOD.

Pearl: If you say so

DBM: Pearl, all of your sins have been forgiven. It does not matter whether or not you’re yet to commit it. Engage with GOD in your own way, and ask Him for grace and mercy. He is more than able to change the gray areas of your life for the very best.

Pearl: But what if I never get pregnant? Because it’s putting strains on my marriage. My husband wants a family

DBM: The life you are building with your husband, and the marriage you have, is a family. There is more to your marriage. Children are just an aspect of it. Make good use of the man in your life, the love you have for him, the excitement in marriage; the challenges, the dreams you both share, and just be looking forward to what the future holds – even if children aren’t a part of it.

Pearl: You are not a woman, and so I don’t expect you to understand.

DBM: I had a schoolmate, Cynthia. A very decent young woman, super intelligent. She got married to a very nice guy many years ago. She died two years after her wedding. Complications through childbirth. And, this was her first pregnancy.

Pearl: What happened to her child?

DBM: He died in the process. Pearl, the most rewarding part of marriage isn’t children. At least, that’s how I think. It takes a lot of work to have a happy marriage. Why is that not rather your priority?

Pearl: What would you have done if you were in my husband’s shoes?

DBM: I’d focus on my emotional connection and intimacy with you. I would find ways to keep alive the passion and desire for one another. Your inability to have a child shouldn’t be the reason why you’re not able to enjoy your husband. Your past, present, fears, pain, regrets, joy and whatnot, are all indicators that you’re indeed, living a human experience. Your husband ought to be able to embrace all of this, and still be glad he chose you for a wife.

Pearl: Would you have wanted me to tell you about my abortions, if you were my husband?

DBM: If I had chosen you as the partner to spend the rest of my life with, children would not have been my reason to change on you. And yes, I would have wanted to be in the known concerning your abortions. I will be shocked, and probably mad; I would definitely attribute our inability to have kids to your abortions, but I know myself so well; I will never judge you nor your past decisions. Because I wasn’t there to have had the opportunity to protect your innocence. I wasn’t there to have showed you what true love really meant. I would not have been reckless with you – if I were in your past experiences.

Pearl: Would you have forgiven me?

DBM: I would have, so far as you would be communicating truth with love and grace.

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Chris

Written by David B on February 5, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 52: Chris

DBM: Hi Chris. How would you describe yourself?

Chris: I am a father and husband

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Chris: I was looking through one of my son’s exercise books. He was asked to write about both of his parents, and he wrote just an essay on his mother. He only introduced my name at the ending paragraph, as his father.

DBM: I see

Chris: “My father’s name is …” and that was all that was said about me.

DBM: How old is your boy?

Chris: Eight years

DBM: What did he score in that assignment?

Chris: 8/10

DBM: Okay!

Christ: I asked him why he didn’t talk about me, and he said he didn’t know what to write about me.

DBM: What were you expecting to be written about you?

Chris: His love for me too. He made it seem as if his mother is the only person taking good care of him.

DBM: When you return home from work, what’s your routine like?

Chris: I eat, bath, sit with the kids, watch TV, etc.

DBM: When you ‘sit with the kids’, what do you do with them?

Chris: They watch TV with me and bother me

DBM: Do you talk to/with them?

Chris: Of course, yes!

DBM: What do you talk about?

Chris: Lol! Anything they want to talk about

DBM: Give me an example

Chris: Of what?

DBM: Of what you talk about with the children

Chris: I don’t know. Maybe their day at school, and other complaints, etc.

DBM: Okay! Do you help with the household daily routines?

Chris: Yes!

DBM: What do you do at home?

Chris: I provide for the house.

DBM: What else?

Chris: If something is broken, I get it fixed

DBM: Get it fixed how?

Chris: I find a professional to come and work on it

DBM: What else?

Chris: Dave, I get home late most of the time due to work. And there is usually not much to do

DBM: How about weekends?

Chris: I spend time with family and friends.

DBM: How much time with family?

Chris: I know what you are trying to do

DBM: Let me go straight to the point then: do you help around the house?

Chris: I do, but you have to also understand that, there are certain jobs in marriage that are for men, and others for the woman.

DBM: Which ones are for the man?

Chris: The provider and protector part

DBM: These you like; the ones you don’t like are for your wife, no?

Chris: Lol!

DBM: You help minimally when it comes to domestic responsibilities and household chores, no?

Chris: What has this got to do with my son’s essay?

DBM: Most of the married women I am friends with spend much more of their time cleaning, cooking and taking care of their children, compared with their husbands. And these are career women too.

Chris: How do you know their husbands aren’t supporting them?

DBM: Let’s get back to your weekends; what’s your regular Saturday like?

Chris: I play football or tennis in the mornings with my friends, and then take the family/children out.

DBM: Does your wife have a personal life?

Chris: She does

DBM: When was the last time she went to hang out with friends, or went shopping or partying just to have fun?

Chris: What has this got to do with my son’s essay?

DBM: I have not seen or read your son’s essay, however, from all that you’ve said, I can assume your wife doesn’t have a life outside of her family. You, on the other hand gets to play football and tennis.

Chris: She attended a wedding two weeks ago

DBM: It’s not the same. You have the luxury to party and have fun with friends outside home. Your son is paying attention to the world around him at home, every waking moment. His classroom is not only in school; he sees all that his mother does and would write only about her because she’s present to him, which in itself, is an opportunity for learning.

Image Credit: Katerina Holmes

Let’s Talk To Antobam

Written by David B on February 2, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 51: The name is Antobam

DBM: Hello Antobam. How would you describe yourself?

Antobam: A mother of four, capable of supporting myself and my family. Been divorced since May, 2022, and at my age, I don’t think I need to be relying on any man or even society for validation.

DBM: May I know your age, please?

Antobam: 46

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Antobam: My divorce

DBM: How long were you married?

Antobam: 19 years

DBM: Wow! That’s a lot of years

Antobam: The first five years were good, but from the sixth to the nineteenth year, I wanted to end the marriage – even though I didn’t believe in divorce. My ex-husband doesn’t believe in divorce

DBM: Interesting

Antobam: Yes! We’re actually very happily divorced, if there is anything like that

DBM: Explain

Antobam: Love couldn’t conquer it all in our situation, because we both had other needs that weren’t being met. My ex-husband loved me like no other; I loved him dearly, however, our priorities had different angles and twists to it; we viewed and understood love differently

DBM: How so?

Antobam: I wouldn’t know how to explain it: I wanted more. I see myself as a leader, and since my early years, I have taken charge of situations. My strength is quiet and reserved but it shines through at the end of the day. I make and take calculated risks, so once I am convinced about something, I am not scared to pursue it.

DBM: Was marriage not something you were enthused about?

Antobam: I dreamed of being in love, being loved, wedded and married. I dreamed of having children and raising them together with my husband. All these, I accomplished. I however forgot to dream about finding happiness with all these combined

DBM: You weren’t happily married?

Antobam: I was. I mean I was married to a great guy. But only for the first five years. My marriage reached its expiration date on the sixth year, and I knew I had to pack it all in but I couldn’t.

DBM: Why not?

Antobam: I was pregnant with our third child. Then I had the fourth. We wanted to raise the children in a family unit

DBM: Did your husband know you wanted out?

Antobam: I told him two weeks before finding out about our third pregnancy.

DBM: How did he feel?

Antobam: He said he felt he was also trying so hard to make our marriage work, which shouldn’t have been the case. A healthy marriage shouldn’t feel like ‘work’, though it’s work. We weren’t passionate about one another or the marriage; I wasn’t infatuated about my ex-husband; he did not excite me or my thoughts… I could not feel myself changing for the better

DBM: Well, that can be understood because it’s no longer ‘new’. You had both become familiar with each other, no? I wouldn’t expect a ‘sparkly’ feeling at this stage

Antobam: It wasn’t just about feelings. I lost myself and couldn’t see my life from a distance. I could not pinpoint exactly what our marriage was working toward. I have a very busy schedule at work, and trust me, my job doesn’t paralyze me.

DBM: Is that how you felt about your marriage?

Antobam: Yes! Dave, when you are excited about your marriage, and something about it isn’t living up to the standards you both set, you feel disappointed and frustrated. If the parties involved want the relationship so bad, you will be committed to doing something to be better than you used to be – in order to bring it up there to your smoothness level.

DBM: I concur

Antobam: I didn’t want to go through all that struggle.

DBM: How about your husband?

Antobam: It was too much work and a pain in his ass to push in so much effort. It got to a point, I found no interest in talking to anyone about my marriage. He is the type that is concerned about the opinions of others, and so he did his best putting up a front of the ‘happily’ married man.

DBM: In your opinion, a good marriage looks like what?

Antobam: It should look and feel like this task or job you’ve decided to do. Deep down you know it isn’t the easiest project to take on, yet it doesn’t feel so challenging to the extent that – you’re unable to do it right. Marriage is good when you feel your partner doesn’t overwhelm you with so much. He or she is just right for you, even after the bullshit.

DBM: Whereby ‘bullshit’ means?

Antobam: Anything they’re doing, or the relationship is presenting to you – which you can’t tolerate. When the marriage is good, you see the good in your partner, especially on the days they’re not of their best behavior. Nothing they do blows you away negatively.

DBM: I am learning something today

Antobam: I would not have divorced my husband, if I admired him for who he is. It’s unfortunate, but I couldn’t find myself admiring him from a place of happiness. You’re happy from a place of admiration if the piece of work smells and looks like something you’re proud of, because you contributed to its success.

DBM: I so get your point.

Antobam: Great!

DBM: Do you feel like you’ve failed at marriage?

Antobam: This was an experience for me, Dave, and I learned a thing or two from it. I can confidently say that, I can choose to open myself up to the likelihood of love again. But most importantly, I have the strength to guard my heart by walking away from unhappiness.

DBM: How does he feel about everything?

Antobam: He respects my decision to not stay married. He’s forgiven me, I have forgiven him and forgiven myself for letting our children down. He’s happy. He’s dating a very nice woman, and he smiles a lot lately

DBM: How do you feel about everything?

Antobam: Divorce isn’t always a bad idea. I can say mine has offered me a fresh start and opened a beautiful door, which is also leading me to a much better future

DBM: How is your relationship with him like?

Antobam: Awesome. As I said earlier, my ex-husband is a good man, and we both played a role in the end of our marriage. We know that it takes two to either break or make a marriage work. We want to maintain our friendship and be the best parents for our children, because we’re going to be in each other’s lives for the longest time, co-parenting.

DBM: And the children?

Antobam: They understand what’s going on, and we have explained why we can’t be married to them. We have also made them understand that, they are our key lens, and the most important basis and platform from which we would make every decision. It’s always going to be about what is best for them.

DBM: I think I like you

Antobam: Lol! I like you too, David. As it stands now, you’re the only person to get me to open up this easily. You’re doing a great job with your Facebook. Also, thank you for the exceptional live performance you shared on Facebook this Tuesday. I couldn’t stop myself from watching you sing that song. It was so powerful.

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Uriel Mont

Let’s Talk To Titanium

Let’s Talk To Milk & Honey

Let’s Talk To Stacy

Let’s Talk To Phyllis

Let’s Talk To Esme

Let’s Talk To Awo

Let’s Talk To Ian

Let’s Talk To Pearl

Let’s Talk To Chris

Let’s Talk To Antobam

POPULAR

Contact Us