CROSS-FIRE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 6:  Cross will do.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

CROSS: I’m just me; easy going, opinionated and massive fun to be with.

DBM: How long have you been married?

CROSS: Nine years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

CROSS: I never had a spec; however, I never wanted a spiritual leader as a spouse. I’m not good with being a role model.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

CROSS: At his workplace after I completed Senior High School.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

CROSS: No! My husband is a bit judgmental, and so I am very careful of the things I share with him.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

CROSS: I’m naturally a happy soul. So anytime you are around me, a smile will always be on your face.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

CROSS: I was double dating actually; it was him and another guy. Then I got pregnant and was uncertain of who was responsible. I told the other guy and he accepted but I couldn’t handle it, and so I requested for a termination. After the termination of the pregnancy, I bled for two weeks straight and was getting weaker by the day. I avoided my husband, who was then just the other guy throughout the abortion. He came to my workplace uninvited one afternoon. The moment he set his eyes on me, he knew something was wrong and I was dying slowly so I had to open up to him. He acted cool, went out and brought me medications to stop the bleeding, and took care of me through it all. The other guy tried contacting me and my husband (then boyfriend) gave him a piece of his mind. That was when he said a lot of shitty things about me to him, but all my husband told him was that, “she’s now with me, so stay away from her”. That was when I knew that, I had found a diamond in a form of a human.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

CROSS: Very much. My husband is seriously attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

CROSS: Yes! We always discuss our daily activities before going to bed. I am an ardent listener as well. Because of him, I read about sports so I can have a meaningful conversation with him.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

CROSS: Very well! He is a great husband and a wonderful father.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

CROSS: Till death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

CROSS: On weekends and holidays when we are home alone without the kids. Having wild sex in the room and gisting about others, etc.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

CROSS: Mine fluctuates.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

CROSS: Not really!

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

CROSS: Whenever we have a free time, we spend it together.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

CROSS: Not really!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

CROSS: No! He tried adding up a wife some time ago, and it has changed my perception about the whole marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

CROSS: Outside the country with our children.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

CROSS: We’re always fuel and fire.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

CROSS: 12/10 😂😂

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

CROSS: Being there for each other and sharing the good, bad and ugly times together. And being available for/to our children.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

CROSS: Of course yes, although I sometimes feel caged.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

CROSS: I am trying to be better than before.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

CROSS: Emotionally yes, but sexually/physically, no!

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

CROSS: I do have so much love and admiration for you honey. All I want is for you to get out of your comfort zone and explore more business-wise. I love how you love me and our children; please know we will enjoy this union if only you stay true to me. Yes, I’m not ready to share my husband with anyone!

Image Credits: Anna Shvets

GOING WITH THE GROOVE, VICTORY STYLE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 5:  Victory is fine.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

VICTORY: I am a committed Christian, beautiful and a happy-going person who believes in hard work, and is currently working two jobs.

DBM: How long have you been married?

VICTORY: I have been married for 15 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

VICTORY: A man who would always be there for his family; had to be tall, slim and an extrovert. My husband does not fit into all of my specifications. Let’s say, 50%.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

VICTORY: Dave, it will surprise you how we both ended up together; we met through my ex.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

VICTORY: No please, he is not my best friend.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

VICTORY: When I told him I met him holding a dairy and a pen which he carried everywhere until God blessed him.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

VICTORY: I was certain he was the one based on the way he treated my mum and sisters. He stood by me through my hard times.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

VICTORY: Dave, after 15 years of marriage, I still find my husband very attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

VICTORY: He does not listen pa pa bia. Sometimes, I have to repeat myself before I get a response.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

VICTORY: To him, he’s the best husband ever, but to me, his focus is on the kids.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

VICTORY: In sickness and in health, till death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

VICTORY: We had our share of fun when we didn’t have kids.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

VICTORY: Dave, saa telenovela odo no doesn’t work for me. Me nni biom but we are cool laidat!

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

VICTORY: I still trust him, but nothing will surprise me because I have my shock absorbers in place 😂.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

VICTORY: I have all the time for him, but unfortunately, I got an introvert who enjoys his own company for a husband (reason why I didn’t want one in the first place) 😂😂.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

VICTORY: My husband is a typical African man; my emotional needs na my own o. Take money and sort yourself out specs

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

VICTORY: I am very secure. What can come can come! 😅

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

VICTORY: Till death walahi 🙏😂. We will both be preparing for our retirements with either a pension baby or grandchild.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

VICTORY: Please, table top or wheelbarrow. 😂😂

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

VICTORY: Our current sex life is 9.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

VICTORY: I doubt I have any. Love ankasa me ni bi.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

VICTORY: Yes please. I have one weakness that it would only take love to tolerate. So, for him to put up with it/me for all these 15 years, wa y3 bi; he’s really done well!

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

VICTORY: Yes, I am a good spouse, by my husband’s standard. He tells me all the time.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

VICTORY: S3 cheating ye football a, anka me y3 Merci (no sir)

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

VICTORY: Nana K, I am proud of you; I will choose you again if there’s a next life. You have been a good provider for me and the children, nanso, ye romantic kakraa ai? You take life too seriously. 😘

Image Credit: Raquel Sílva

CLOSELY APART – MAAME

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 4: Maame is fine by me.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

MAAME: I am a very passionate person and I love with everything I am. I am very trustworthy, and so I hate lies; I say things just as it is.

DBM: How long have you been married?

MAAME: 11 years in June.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

MAAME: I preferred a man who could love and care about me, and most importantly, become my friend. My husband did fit into the category because we were friends for a year and half before we became lovers.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

MAAME: He came looking for a friend in my church and we met. l helped him find the friend.  The interesting thing is, he had the guts to tell me that very day that he would marry me, because l am a very helpful person and caring too.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

MAAME: So l thought at first, but currently, no!

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

MAAME: This was when we started dating as lovers; we dated for five years before marriage. He asked me to cook for him the first time and l undercooked the rice; it was so hard, he laughed so much at me.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

MAAME: I fell sick seriously and his love and care for me to get well was something else.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

MAAME: Yes, I find my husband to be extremely attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

MAAME: I was trying to always listen to him when he talked with me but he doesn’t listen to me; it’s like, all the things I say during a deeper conversation with him are senseless. Due to that l do not really listen to him lately.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

MAAME: He is a husband to me in public, but to be honest, we are currently co-existing because of our children.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

MAAME: To love and to hold, till death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

MAAME: When we used to drive around town together; how l miss those good old days, hmmmmm!

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

MAAME: No, l don’t love him anymore. l just feel sense of obligation towards him because of my kids.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

MAAME: I don’t trust him anymore.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

MAAME: I am always there for him when he needs me.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

MAAME: No emotional feelings for him anymore.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

MAAME: I don’t feel secure with him in this marriage; I am guessing he is also sticking with me because of the kids and his old age.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

MAAME: I want to be happy with my kids and I don’t see my husband to be a part of this happiness I anticipate for my future.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

MAAME: With me, sex starts outside the bedroom; how you relate and treat me; how to talk to me and look at me, how you smile at me, etc. I really need to feel connected to you before anything physical (intimately) can mean something to me.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

MAAME: 4 out of 10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

MAAME: Love is an everyday relationship; how you make the one you love be your first priority.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

MAAME: I don’t feel loved what-so-ever. My husband only remembers l exist when he wants sex; in fact, that is the only moment he will smile at me and pretend he cares. But when he is done, I am forgotten.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

MAAME: I believe no one is perfect but I try my best to be in our marriage.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

MAAME: I have never, and will never cheat on my husband – so far as I am married to him.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

MAAME: KG, l never thought we would be close but yet so far apart. I have come to realize that loving someone is never enough to marry that person. I pray you see that we are far apart and find it important to fight for our marriage to work.

Image Credit: Jill Burrow

AFIA

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 3: Afia.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

AFIA: I’m a decorator and designer. I am jovial, hardworking, dedicated and a home maker.

DBM: How long have you been married?

AFIA: 11 years

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

AFIA: A born again Christian; he had to be slim, fair, average height, hardworking, jovial and romantic. My husband did not fit into my exact specifications. He has got the complexion and height all right; he is also hardworking but extremely selfish. My husband is nothing close to being romantic.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

AFIA: We were working in the same department in church and got connected just like that.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

AFIA: No!

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

AFIA: I make him laugh most of the time, because of my sarcastic/funny and jovial nature.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

AFIA: Hmmmmm! We were always together on phone or physically. He was sharing the little (gifts and IT knowledge) he had with me. He always wanted me to be on the same level with him. He was constantly talking about marriage and it came to a time, he asked, and I gave him the “yes” to his proposal.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

AFIA: No! His dressing has changed to how he was when we met; he pays less attention to his appearance and breath. He doesn’t care if he stays the whole day without bathing. A lot has gone back to how he was and I feel I forced him to change.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

AFIA: It depends, but nowadays I just listen to formulate an answer.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

AFIA: If not for the fact that he’s being controlled by his mom (because he’s an only son) I think he’d be doing well.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

AFIA: In sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer. As for ‘till death’ only God knows.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

AFIA: When I’m singing and he’s playing the organ or guitar, or when we sleep or sit or taking our bath and we’re singing in harmony. At times, he sings tenor whiles I sing soprano, or he sings baritone when I take the tenor.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

AFIA: No! My love unfortunately is growing weaker by day and that’s draining.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

AFIA: Not anymore. The trust vanished the very day he allowed the mom and sister to chase me out of the house because I refused the mom to be serving him food daily; having a daily convo from 7pm to 11pm, stocking our fridge with her soups and stews, which they claim is specially made ‘with love’; bringing another lady for him to marry because we don’t have our own children (which is not my fault but his, and yet, I have decided to shield him)

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

AFIA: As much as he’s available physically and emotionally.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

AFIA: I don’t!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

AFIA: I do not feel secure in my marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

AFIA: May be apart.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

AFIA: I’m not really the sex type.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

AFIA: 1 out 10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

AFIA: Dedication, commitment to one another, sacrifice; being faithful to one another, service to one another and placing the significant other before every other thing or person.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

AFIA: No! And this started from the sixth month of our marriage.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

AFIA: Yes, because he keeps saying it.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

AFIA: No! Not during dating or even in the marriage.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

AFIA: Dear husband of my youth, I have loved you with everything in me. I have accepted to be your wife even at your lowest state when you were not working and making any sensible money. I promised to share the little I have with you and I have been doing it till now. You know from day one that your mother doesn’t want me in your life because of my tribe. I guess you ignored her because you loved me. You know you are the cause of our inability to have kids up to now, yet you hid it from me until recently. Even that, I accepted everything in good faith. You don’t take care of me but I don’t complain. Your friends always tell you I’m a good wife and you laugh at it. I promised to stay with you even against the odds, and yet, you are not ready to stay because of your mom; as you keep saying it to the hearing of even our counsellors. I have been the one looking for solutions, both medically and spiritually. You choose to watch movies or Facebook whenever I’m having a midnight prayer for us, even though you are the problem. What hurts me most is that, you don’t seem to be moved. I have always told you that even an elastic band has its limit. I have reached that elastic limit and it may break soon.

Image Credit: Jan Koetsier

YEBOAH’S TAKE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 2: I am Yeboah.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

YEBOAH: Yeboah is a caring and loving gentleman who has got his shit together. I am worthy of my wife’s attention, time, love and respect. I do not talk down on people others feel are lesser to me; I respect myself and others.

DBM: How long have you been married?

YEBOAH: I have been married for 10 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

YEBOAH: I looked out for a responsible lady; she had to have a job. She had to be emotionally intelligent; a woman who could control her emotional instincts and could demonstrate true maturity when confronted with life’s issues. My wife is a well-grounded individual with a sense of balance when it comes to her finances. Physically, I wanted bortoss kakra on her backside and great east-west standing boobs to cure my asthma. I am cured after a decade with her!

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

YEBOAH: At a friend’s wedding reception. She was physically ready to be talked to, so I talked to her.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

YEBOAH: My wife is my best friend. Though we’ve become so used to each other, our friendship hasn’t dwindled. I feel appreciated, liked and loved by her always.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

YEBOAH: At that same wedding reception. I told her she looked lovelier than the bride (which she did). I drew her attention to the fact that the bridegroom was also checking her out. He was, and we both laughed.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

YEBOAH: When I realized she also loved being near me. She would take my hand and make me feel like I am special to her.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

YEBOAH: My wife is HOT, very attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

YEBOAH: I listen. I am not sure whether it’s to understand her or formulate a response she would like but I let her feel heard.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

YEBOAH: Awesome! Beautiful woman inside-out, excellent wife and an amazing mother to the kids.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

YEBOAH: I used to take my vows seriously because it meant something to me. Forsaking all others was one of my favorite. I was very much in love when I said it to her, but when I encountered Adwoa, Helena, Yaa, Serwah and Sena, I realized I wasn’t going to be able to stick with a lifetime vow.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

YEBOAH: Sex hour is our most fun. We laugh, we experiment, we make the most out of positions; we mess ourselves up and then go bath.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

YEBOAH: Every day! My wife doesn’t sit idle just to watch me provide for her and the kids. She hustles and will always have my back. She defends my honor over all others.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

YEBOAH: 100%. I am fulfilled in my marriage because my wife does what she says. On my part, with the exception of one secret I cannot share with her because it can break her heart, I share everything else with her without the fear of being judged. She is a genuine woman and would not hurt me intentionally.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

YEBOAH: On week days, I am a very busy person, but when I get any free time, I make it a point to spend it with my wife. We hang out, plan date nights, chill, joke, fuck, keep each other company, catch up, etc.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

YEBOAH: I am emotionally taken care of, yes! She’s there for me when I need her to be in it with me.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

YEBOAH: Yes! I am able to share who I am and be vulnerable around her.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

YEBOAH: Growing stronger than ever. In our marriage, I am a student of my wife. I’ve taken the time to learn more about her needs and all that there is to her that makes her different from me. Dave, I know what it feels like when my wife understands me; that is why I aim every day to understand her too.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

YEBOAH: Making my wife orgasm without touching her. Her legs shake madly, and goes weak at the knee; she kneels to worship me waist-down with a glorious blowjob. Dave, you don’t want to know details. It’s a calling only a few men can fulfill. I am one of the chosen.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

YEBOAH: 7/10. It can be better.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

YEBOAH: My wife is my perfect understanding of love: she has taken her time to really get to know me. She understands my breathing pattern, she knows and understands how I think, and she gets how I love her and the kids. She knows I am not perfect but thinks I am perfect for her, just the way I am. She’s a very quiet and calm lady; I am loud and super fierce, but my noise compliments her silence.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

YEBOAH: My wife loves me and takes very good care of me. She puts smiles on my face, cuddles with me and chooses me every day, even though I am already hers. When we encounter any misunderstanding, she works it out with me amicably.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

YEBOAH: I am really a good husband. I am a responsible father, I am dependable, I am committed to my marriage and our family; I help whenever I can with the chores at home.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

YEBOAH: I have but she doesn’t know. That was the one secret I mentioned earlier. My wife I think underestimates how shallow I can sometimes be as a man. I cheat once in a while, not every day, because I can get away with it or perhaps, I am willing to actually get away with it because of the kind of wife she is. She trusts me to a fault and I don’t do anything to make her doubt her trust in me. I married a good woman; she’s not troublesome.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

YEBOAH: Babes, you are a gift to me and the kids. And because of how important you are to me, I am motivated to give my best to you. I cherish you as my partner for life. I will do my best not to play games with your heart.

Image Credits: Ketut Subiyanto

HARDER THAN A ROCK

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Hello Mr. David,

Sometimes I feel like killing my four-year-old son. Since that child was born, I haven’t been able to have sex with my wife at home. He doesn’t allow it, and I am not joking. I have not had sex with my wife at home since his birth. We plan to have sex outside though, in hotels and short trips during weekends, without the boy. But not in our own matrimonial bed. Four years’ ago, I was anticipating my son’s birth. Mr. Dave, meeting my baby for the first time was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. Becoming his father was a big adjustment for me, but I did not know I was also going to encounter unexplainable hatred for him in addition. He is always holding his mother’s breast.

Three months after the gift of fatherhood, it hit me that I wanted to resume having sex with my wife. The urge was so strong, I wanted it ASAP. I discussed it with my wife and we were both on board. The moment we started kissing, he started crying. My wife had to move to him. That evening, when I tried removing my wife’s underwear, he started to cry again. Ah! The thing bi say, the moment my wife attends to him, she totally forgets about me. The crying during attempted sex continued for a week. One day, I asked my wife not to mind him and rather let us have sex. She was a few seconds in giving me a hot bj when BOOM, something fell. We rushed to check and it was our baby, he had fallen from his court. He cried so hard my testosterone level dropped from nine to -2055. My libido dipped for four months straight. I went on a guilt trip because I thought it was my fault.

When he was six months old, I tried to have sex again with my wife in our bedroom. The moment the baby sensed his mother’s vibe with me, he started his drama. We locked our bedroom door, but he managed to stop us five minutes later. He had swallowed a coin and almost died. The evil boy has swallowed or tried swallowing TV remote battery, pins, crayons, buttons, pepper, broken glass, wood metals, etc. just to prevent me from having sex with his mother. He broke my TV when he was two years old, cut himself with a knife to bleed, turned on the gas cooker and almost lit a match.

In a nutshell, Mr. Dave, I am tired of practicing patience with that evil child. I don’t know what to do. Now that he goes to school, I still can’t have sex with my wife at home because our phones ring and it’s his teachers. Anytime we want to have sex, he collapses at school or swallows something sharp and bleeds. Am I the only parent with such a child?

Image Credit: Ksenia Chernaya

SIKA’S TRUE FEELINGS

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 16 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 1: Call me Sika

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

SIKA: I am strong in my vulnerability; very caring, compassionate and totally expressive of my feelings. I am not perfect but I try to always tell the truth. When I have, I give without expecting anything in return. I love to smile; I love to laugh; I love to love. I love God, I care about my husband and love my children. I believe I am hardworking. Mr. Dave, I am content with the woman I am becoming, but I am not content with just being content with me. I want more; to achieve way more in life than I already have.

DBM: How long have you been married?

SIKA: 12 years in August.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

SIKA: The man I fell in love with was my perfect idea of a man. He did not give me any reason to want to doubt him then. He expressed interest in me and was on his best behavior anytime we were together. My perfect type of guy had to be consistent with me so I wouldn’t entertain any doubt whatsoever in my trust in him and the relationship. He gave me that when we were dating.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

SIKA: I first noticed him in an examination Centre, pleading with one of the invigilators to allow him write. He was late and we were 15 minutes into the paper. He was almost falling apart; so nervous and nearly sobbing in front of everyone. I felt sorry for him. He managed to talk his way through the lecturer and was allowed to join us. Instead of hurrying to find his seat number, he was busily staring and winking at me. I lost focus. I scored a B in that subject. He had an A.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

SIKA: I used to believe my husband was my best friend, because I thought I had seen him at his worst and still liked him. I thought those small quirks and habits I couldn’t figure out weren’t that endearing. Those times, I assumed there was absolutely nothing about him that I wanted changed. My happiness was found in just knowing that he was there for me, and was someone I could count on. He was willing to share almost everything with me; the happenings in his day, his food, conversations etc. He made me trust that he had wholeheartedly accepted me for who I am without any boundaries. And I believed him. He wasn’t chasing any other serious friendships. I was his good friend.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

SIKA: It was his first time meeting my dad. He wanted to make a good first impression. I don’t know what he ate before coming to my parents’ house because he was farting nonstop. The first fart, I thought had come from my dad. He blew our noses off the roof with 8 nuclear bombs. I laughed at him so bad, he farted his best.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

SIKA: The night he drove to my house to take me to the hospital. It was 2:23 am when I called him; he made the effort to make me feel like I was worth saving; that our relationship was worth fighting for by saving my life.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

SIKA: Yes, Dave. My husband is an attractive man.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

SIKA: He does not listen to me, and so I see no need in listening to understand anything he has to say.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

SIKA: Maybe if I were enough for him, he would care more about me. As his wife, I am not happy; he does not make me happy – even though I have been doing everything to make him happy.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

SIKA: I promise to love and comfort you, honor and keep you.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

SIKA: We used to do everything together. Almost everything, travel, cook, watch movies, tease etc. They used to be fun times.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

SIKA: Mine is not! I have grown tired of accepting the love he thinks I deserve. When I am around him, I don’t feel content; I don’t feel accepted. He makes me feel very anxious and misunderstood.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

SIKA: I currently have to compete with his mobile phone to get his attention at home. I do not trust a man who has all the time for others on his phone, but cannot make time for his wife. Initially, I thought I had fallen in love with my husband because I trusted him; I thought I loved him because of who he is, not how he made me feel. I do not trust him because of how he makes me feel now.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

SIKA: I used to give my time to him. He does not cherish it so I channel the attention to our children. They need it most.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

SIKA: No!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

SIKA: No! I am not in a good marriage. I don’t feel secure enough to want to be vulnerable around him. I am not growing; I am not maturing. My husband’s attitude and behaviors towards me does not in any way warrant for emotional connection on both our parts. There is no mutual respect between us anymore.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

SIKA: Probably in different relationships with different people.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

SIKA: When a man takes his time to allow us to experience physical and emotional pleasure together, with or without orgasm, Dave, I will be cool! When a man checks in during sex to know whether or not I am feeling good, and tells me what is making him also feel good, I will be pleased. I don’t ask for much!

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

SIKA: 3 out of 10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

SIKA: Love is when someone adds value to make my life better. A better me makes for a better marriage. Love will not bring out the very worst in me. I am seeing the worst in my husband; maybe I just don’t love him that much after all.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

SIKA: I feel like our relationship is not his priority at the moment. If he loved me, I wouldn’t be feeling like other people in his life are more important than me. He is constantly putting other people ahead of me.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

SIKA: I try to be.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

SIKA: Never! I promised him I would forsake all others and be his alone, as long as we remain married.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

SIKA: IK, you have become my biggest hinderance in life. You slurp the very life out of me while I do so much to support you. You have put me down over and over with your words and attitude towards me. I had different goals and dreams I wanted to reach in life; you’ve made me feel like I can’t accomplish anything. You used to be a wonderful guy; you used to be kind to me. I really wanted to believe you were the right man for me, but after 12 years of being your wife, I know for sure that just loving you isn’t enough.

Today is another opportunity for me to choose me. I am choosing my own happiness. I want to love myself more. Your love does not choose me, and just because I am your wife doesn’t mean you should be happy with me. Be happy with what makes you happy. I will be fine.

Image Credit: Arturo Añez

SPARK SPARKED

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Hello,

I am happily married. I am only beginning to realize that I can’t be faithful to him as I thought I would be. I never told my husband about my past. I told him what I knew could influence his decision to marry me. He thinks I am a good girl. Dave, I can be a good wife and everything else good girls are, but my past is loaded. I have 54 men under my belt. My husband is number 54. Twenty seven out of the number f***ked me well. I keep records when it comes to good sex. My husband is not part of the 27. We married because the first day I met him I knew he was the right one to make family. I forgot to factor in the importance of good sex. My concentration was on his fine looks, and his good character; he wasn’t doing bad for himself in his career. My husband is a likable guy. I was ok tolerating our sex life.

When children came in they took my mind off what it meant to have an orgasm. Dave, I can count the number of times I have experienced orgasm with my husband. I reached that height because I was thinking of some of the 27 characters. You get what I am trying to say right? It was still not a problem till I met one of the 27 that I really, really liked. Our relationship didn’t work because he told me he was going to engage his then wife. He is divorced. We met and the spark sparked. It was natural. No one had to say anything to start anything. It was there between us.

I told him I am married, but Dave, my heart was telling him I missed him. He asked for my number. He called my phone in my presence to say hello. That was that! I saved his digits. It’s been three days and he hasn’t called or said anything. I want to call and say hello too but I am scared of what else could follow after the hello. Of all the men I slept with, I think he’s the one I fell in love with. When we broke off, his last words to me were, I am in love with you. I ended our affair because he told me he was getting engaged. I have never had sleepless nights thinking about my husband like I am thinking of this ex. I’ve been a little distracted in thought because I don’t know what to do with him. I keep staring at his name on my phone and I can’t help but smile.

Do I want to go on a date with him? Yes. Do I want to kiss him? Yes. Do I want to touch his bare chest? Yes. Do I want to give him a BJ? Yes. Do I want him to go deeper and harder? Yes. The feeling is so bad, I want to have his child. I have been asking myself if it’s all lust but it’s deeper than lust. His last words to me before we broke off has come alive to me all over again. I don’t know what to do. I know you will tell me to think about my husband. The problem is, I can’t find my husband in my mind and heart since I met my ex.

Image Credit: Rahul Pandit

SEXUAL HEALING

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David, experience can be a good teacher. I am going to tell you my short story: If I had been sexually experienced before marrying my husband, I would have known he wasn’t the right man for me to marry. I am very religious; he is not, though he sometimes goes to church. He calls himself a Christian. I don’t have any problem with that. Before meeting him, I was dating casually, nothing serious. Not so much sex. I knew I wasn’t a virgin but I wasn’t ready to be jumping into sex. We became friends and I liked our friendship. I didn’t want to have sex with somebody simply because I wanted to have sex. When I met my husband, I thought he was the one. Everything checked in my list. Sex was the only thing I couldn’t mark. He wanted to test drive my engine but I made him wait forever. I got a hint that he was sleeping with some ladies, and I thought maybe it was my fault because I wasn’t giving him sex. Instead of breaking things off, I kept it to myself and agreed to marry him when he asked me to.

After the wedding, sex was not so great to me as he felt it was for him. He is always happy after sex and I try to make him feel like it was good. But Dave, it’s not because of his ego; I try to tell him to get things done to me to arouse my mood but he is used to a style of sleeping with women, he probably thinks it works for every woman. He started to cheat on me again. That same time, my ex boyfriend showed up. Dave, this is a guy who can take one-hour to study my naked body in bed before touching me in a special way. He can let me lie on my back, lift both of my legs, spread them, to just gaze deeply in my cookie for 30 minutes; tell me all the wonderous stories he sees down there. That alone can make me orgasm five times. This ex is someone I connect with because of the way he worships my womanhood. Whenever I am in a good mood at home, I feel like my husband thinks it’s because of something he has done. But it’s always because I had been reviewed by the other guy in a memorable way.

I am still married to my husband. He doesn’t know what I am doing behind his back. The thing is Dave, we’re the wrong team in this marriage. I don’t like the idea of divorce that’s why I am still married. A lot of us married women are willing and open to compromise, but our husbands should be too. No woman should be the only person giving things up in a relationship. Dave, sacrifices are very different than compromises. If you and your spouse are not equally satisfied, then there hasn’t been compromise. I want to tell ladies to be sure their happiness and comforts are considered in all situations.

Image Credit: Cliff Booth

CHEERS TO THE MONEY

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Dear Dave,

The men shouting on your page, do they cough de l’argent or they calculate the kudi? It’s just a simple question guys, do you COUGH out CASH or you calculate the money when dealing with us? There are levels oo. Know your damn level before making unnecessary demands. Are you Dr. Kwame Osei Despite? Because if I were Mrs. Despite today, I wouldn’t mind getting Kwame Despite’s cock ring stuck in my throat while giving a blow job. I wouldn’t mind choking on my knees. If I am not in the mood and tired, and I throw up on his penis because his dick was deep throating, because of who he is an what he can do for me ntsi, I will suck all of the vomit back in my mouth and blow his mind till he cums in my mouth and through my nose till my nostrils feel burned. Men who cough cash have every right to cum into the eyes of their wives. You know why? Because 40k bi besu wo me account mu as thank you honey.

Is your bank account name Fadda Dickson Narh? Because if I were to be his wife, I would randomly be visiting him at work to accidentally try and brush my butts against his shorts. With these firm buttocks of mine, he’s definitely going to have a boner while I brush them off. And I will smile while doing it in front of his employees. Mr. Bondze, with Fadda Dickson, we will have sex in the parking garage at his place of work. It’s the risk of getting caught that is going to make it amazing for me. He can even join me at the ladies’ washroom in church, pull down my skirt and literally start fucking me while standing up in the bathroom. It’s still gonna be a hot quickie. I will boldly pull myself back together and go listen to the sermon. He’s Fadda Dick y’all!

If I were the third wife of Daniel McKorley, I will McDan my cunt. Me tw3 besu Dan. I will slide down myself and kiss his dick so passionately, while he takes his shower and slowly start taking his whole dick in my mouth. I will take his entire dick inside my mouth and keep it in till I am almost gagged on it. And then I will furiously start to rub his balls and blow it back and forth. Dave, this narration is happening after he’s gone third rounds on me already oo, and he is supposedly tired. Sika wo fie a, bonus sex wo mu. I am going to make him so wild, he will hold my hair and force me to go deeper. Men with money breed a certain energy in women. We don’t get tired when tired. He will see my eyes pop out in excitement and after blowing him like crazy, I will get up and push him onto the bed. I will walk over him and sit on his face, and he will lick my pussy till he feels like his tongue would gain muscles. This is what gets some of us women so hot that we can start moaning loudly. And boy, we have some of the dirtiest words in our mouths that can make you feel like fucking a hot damn slut.

You still think we are boring? Have the right bank account and place your order. Make dem commot for der with their too known. By now, go and see my husband, he is saying in his head, where is my wife, she should come and read and learn. Learn from what exactly? When was the last time you gave me proper orgasm? Do you even know how I manage to arrive at an orgasm with you? Go and research. The data will shock you.

Image Credit: Monstera

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