Let’s Talk To SL

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 27: Sister Lydia or SL

DBM: Hello SL. Please tell me a little about yourself.

SL: Wife. Mother. Sister. Friend. Software Engineering Manager

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

SL: Are you a counselor, David?

DBM: No please, I am not.

SL: Why do you want us to talk to you?

DBM: I’ve always wanted to host a platform where people with something to say could openly, and fully speak their thoughts, without me interrupting. I think I am easy to talk to – when I am in a good mood, and can listen without necessarily judging. Also, I want people to feel heard and understood. I find value in every conversation I have with people.

SL: I’ve been a silent follower of your Facebook platform for years. I like the different conversations on your website. I want to talk to you because I think you’re a wonderful person, kind, un-judging and welcoming.

DBM: Thank you!

SL: My husband thinks my best friends may lead me astray.

DBM: Is he right?

SL: No!

DBM: So, why is he thinking that about them?

SL: Because they’re not married and they live a certain type of life.

DBM: What’s their lifestyle like?

SL: They roll with the big shots and they get paid for their time and services. They sometimes smoke, drink and live large.

DBM: What type of service do they provide?

SL: Men with class make offers to pay them money to keep them entertained. They’re basically compensated for their time and energy.

DBM: How old are you?

SL: I am in my thirties

DBM: Your friends are in that age bracket?

SL: Yes!

DBM: How long have you known them?

SL: 20+ years

DBM: How long have you known your husband?

SL: Almost 10 years.

DBM: Why do you still keep your friends close?

SL: Dave, I am my best self when we’re together.

DBM: Do you smoke?

SL: I used to

DBM: Why did you stop?

SL: My husband didn’t like it.

DBM: Do you drink?

SL: Occasionally.

DBM: Like, when you’re with your friends?

SL: Yes! And at parties or functions

DBM: Did you used to be an escort?

SL: Lol! I wouldn’t know how to answer this question.

DBM: Just try

SL: I am a career woman as already indicated, and have been working for 11 years. But prior to getting married, I used to get paid thousands of Cedis, and sometimes, in Dollars a month for regular sex.

DBM: And, your husband knows about this past?

SL: No! And I don’t think it’s any of his business.

DBM: Agreed! How would you describe your friends and their way of living?

SL: Grown women enjoying their freedoms. They want more options. They want more money. They want to do whatever the hell they want, on their own terms.

DBM: Do you think your friends have the power to be a bad influence on you?

SL: I don’t think so. I’m a grown-ass woman with a mind of my own.

DBM: Do you think your husband’s concerns are valid?

SL: I have known these ladies longer than I’ve known my husband. They know me, I know them; we trust our bond, and hold dear our friendship. We’ve been through a lot together and have built memories that we cherish. They’re more than just friends, they’re my sisters. They’ve been my greatest support system to just let go like that.

DBM: Have you tried explaining all this to your husband?

SL: Yes, but he insists I choose between our family and them.

DBM: Have you also considered the probability of a bad influence, masked behind wonderful friendships or intensely loving relationships?

SL: My friends are good people. They’ve contributed money to support my family during a hard time in our marriage.

DBM: Your husband knows this?

SL: No! His pride wouldn’t have allowed him to take the help, if he knew it came from them.

DBM: Are you immune to the personalities of your friends?

SL: I don’t think so. No one is as perfect

DBM: Evaluate their behaviors and actions

SL: They’re loyal, hardworking; they’ve helped me in ways that I did not think could be possible; they can be humorous and down to earth; well-rounded bitches, strong-willed, independent, sexy, bold and very kind.

DBM: How many friends are they?

SL: They’re four. I am the fifth.

DBM: Do they like the fact that you are married and have a family of your own?

SL: They love my children and are happy for me and my marriage.

DBM: They like your husband?

SL: Very much, but he talks bad about them in their absence.

DBM: Do your friends talk bad about your husband?

SL: No!

DBM: Which of the two damage your self-confidence, leaving you to sometimes feel emotionally drained?

SL: My husband.

DBM: Which of them has the tendency of stirring up negativity in your presence?

SL: My husband.

DBM: Which of them make you feel the most invigorated, happiest, healthiest, inspired, motivated and innovative?

SL: My friends. No doubt about this one.

DBM: Which of them would you classify as fake?

SL: Explain the fakeness

DBM: As in, they act one way when they’re in your face, and another when not in your presence?

SL: My husband is the fakest.

DBM: Which of them is clingy, and wants you to only hang out with them – giving you unreasonable ultimatums?

SL: My husband

DBM: Which of them acts like a jealous imp?

SL: My husband

DBM: Which of them show up with love only at moments when they can benefit from having you as a friend?

SL: My husband. I sometimes think he’s an opportunist, though he makes his own money.

DBM: Is there any good at all to your husband?

SL: Why do you ask?

DBM: From the responses you’ve given, I cannot think far

SL: I love my husband. I am just sick and tired of his tantrums.

DBM: Would you choose your friends over your husband?

SL: If I am to compare my relationship with both, I would say my friends are the best company to keep.

DBM: Can you ask any one of your girl friends to grant me an exclusive interview into their daily lives and line of work? I feel like engaging one of them.

SL: That will be fine. We all follow you on Facebook.

DBM: I would appreciate that.

Image Credit: Idy Tanndy

Let’s Talk To Gyaaba

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 26: Gyaaba

DBM: Hello Gyaaba. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Gyaaba: I am 39 years, very independent, organized and detailed; I love to multi-task and I show concern for other people’s feelings, and can connect with them on a personal level. I see myself to be strong, and can easily adapt. I am able to also persevere when obstacles come my way. I believe I belong to God, thus, my resilience and conviction to rather stand firm, come what may.

DBM: You look way younger than your age.

Gyaaba: I am told. Thank you!

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Gyaaba: I currently live in Houston, but I used to live in Ghana. I used to be married. I ran away from my matrimonial home, five months after our wedding because I realized I had made a mistake – settling into something I did not want.

DBM: You didn’t want to be married?

Gyaaba: I like marriage, but I didn’t want to be married to a man.

DBM: Who did you want to be with?

Gyaaba: A woman.

DBM: You’re a lesbian?

Gyaaba: Yes Dave, I am Lez.

DBM: Hmmm! You know most people in Ghana are uncomfortable with this subject

Gyaaba: Is your readership centered in Ghana?

DBM: No!

Gyaaba: Then I deserve to share what has been my experience.

DBM: Lez go! How did you know you were attracted to the same sex?

Gyaaba: I don’t think I really knew. But in Senior High School, I used to like one of my best friends. I couldn’t stop staring at her anytime we were in class. I thought she looked pretty in everything she wore. Anything she did looked interesting to me. She wasn’t even funny but I thought she had a great sense of humor. I felt heartbroken however, when one of the guys in our class started to get close to her.

DBM: So, you had a crush on a girl, and that was it?

Gyaaba: I attended a mixed school, and in those days, the guys were obsessed with the girls, chasing each other down everywhere, writing themselves love letters, etc.

DBM: Yeah…

Gyaaba: I wanted to write a love letter to a girl.

DBM: I see

Gyaaba: At the university, I tried liking boys

DBM: And how did that go?

Gyaaba: Robert was my first boyfriend. He loved me but I couldn’t feel the same way he felt for me. We dated for three months, and in those months, I would have sex with women in my dreams.

DBM: Did the thought of Robert ever make you feel aroused?

Gyaaba: No!

DBM: Having sex with a woman in your dreams doesn’t necessarily make you a lesbian.

Gyaaba: That was when I started doing a self-reflection. I wanted to understand who I was and what I desired. Timothy asked me out in my third year, and before I knew, he had started to bond. I suddenly became busy with my studies and couldn’t make time for him.

DBM: Were you busy?

Gyaaba: I was trying to avoid him because he tried to kiss me one evening.

DBM: Did you kiss back?

Gyaaba: I was just pale when he planted the kiss on my lips.

DBM: What was the feeling like?

Gyaaba: Nothing I wanted to experience for the second time. I came up with an excuse of tiredness and left him to go sleep. I was disgusted by the idea of doing anything romantic with a guy.

DBM: When did you have your first sex?

Gyaaba: On my honeymoon

DBM: With a man?

Gyaaba: Yes. I was married. I think I am still married, because he’s refused to grant me a divorce after leaving him.

DBM: How long ago since you left?

Gyaaba: I left Ghana in 2011

DBM: This is the five months into your marriage scenario?

Gyaaba: Yes!

DBM: Why did you marry your husband?

Gyaaba: It was revealed to my Pastor that he was the man destined for me.

DBM: Did your Pastor know about your sexual orientation?

Gyaaba: His wife knew. I had confided in her three years prior to the hook-up. I don’t know if she discussed me with her husband.

DBM: Did you believe your husband was the man meant for you?

Gyaaba: I did not, but I went ahead in order for the prophesy to manifest.

DBM: How long did you and your husband date?

Gyaaba: Nine months, I think. We got engaged, and married four months after the engagement.

DBM: Did you enjoy getting to know him as a potential spouse?

Gyaaba: My husband is a great guy; tall, dark, handsome, and with a good job and deep pocket. He is authentic; what you see is what you get. Unfortunately, I realized the way he felt about me was totally different from the way I felt about him. I should have considered his feelings and not gone ahead with the marriage plans. I was not attracted to him.

DBM: When was the last time you spoke to him?

Gyaaba: 2013

DBM: What did you talk about?

Gyaaba: I wanted a divorce.

DBM: That was unfair on your part

Gyaaba: I know. That is why I want to come clean to him

DBM: Does he know why you left?

Gyaaba: I left to pursue a PhD programme. That was my initial excuse. But after the degree, I stayed in America.

DBM: Why did you stay?

Gyaaba: I found the close emotional bond I had been craving for

DBM: In a woman?

Gyaaba: Yes! Once I knew I enjoyed kissing and touching the breast of a woman while going down on her, I had to admit it to myself.

DBM: You’re a Lesbian.

Gyaaba: I am a lesbian!

DBM: How long have you been dating your lady?

Gyaaba: Seven and a half years

DBM: And she’s been the only one in your life?

Gyaaba: One and only

DBM: Who else knows?

Gyaaba: My Pastor’s wife was the only person I told in Ghana. I want to tell my husband the truth.

DBM: Why now?

Gyaaba: He deserves the truth. Secondly, my partner and I want to get married. I have to be divorced to accomplish this.

DBM: Do you know whether or not your husband was able to move on?

Gyaaba: He’s had two kids with someone in my absence. He has moved on.

DBM: Unfortunately, not everyone in Ghana is supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. Is your husband a tolerable environment to come out to?

Gyaaba: I don’t know

DBM: Is he someone you can rely on?

Gyaaba: In which sense?

DBM: How you come out to someone really depends on the kind of relationship you have with them.

Gyaaba: We’ve not spoken in a long time, and our last conversation ended in a fight on the phone.

DBM: I see!

Gyaaba: I know that the moment I tell him this, he will laugh at, or insult me; he will tell his family, mine and friends.

DBM: It’s good you’ve come out to yourself first. I think that is the most important thing.

Gyaaba: I hope so

DBM: Do you love your lady?

Gyaaba: Dave, before I even met her, I dreamt of someone like her; and the dream was beautiful. When she showed up to me, I was least expecting this much happiness in my life. Now I know dreams do come true. I am very much in love and happy to be with her.

DBM: Does she love you as much?

Gyaaba: She loves me very much.

DBM: Then, know that you are loved, needed and valued; your feelings for true love are valid, just as anyone else’s – and that you deserve to be treated with respect. Assuming anyone attempts to make you feel guilty or bad about who you know you are, and whose you belong, just remind yourself of the one person in your life right now who desires to see you become the very best of you, and succeed in whatever beautiful present and future affirms you. Let this foresight make you feel so seen. All you need at the moment is an audience of ONE!

Gyaaba: I think I am going to call my husband right now.

DBM: All the very best.

Gyaaba: Thank you, Sir!

Image Credit: Anna Shvets

Let’s Talk To Juliet

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 25: Juliet

DBM: Hi Juliet. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Juliet: I am the person I want to become. Anything else you see is simply a product of my work-in-progress. I am true to myself and do not easily lose hope. I believe in deeper spiritual connects when it comes to romance, and not the fleeting pleasures of physical intimacy.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Juliet: I read your conversation with Sylvester, and I think I have dated a man like his type before.

DBM: What are their types like?

Juliet: Very good looking and charming. They are always on a never-ending, excruciating assignment presenting the impression that they are everything a woman should be interested in; they appear desirable and will be a woman’s saving grace. They sell us this dream that they’re not bad boys, and will be kind and considerate so far as it benefits them.

DBM: That’s a lot of words

Juliet: The excuse my ex-boyfriend gave to me was, the other lady only wanted to have a child by him. He claimed there were no strings attached, but after I ended the relationship, guess who he married?

DBM: No strings attached?

Juliet: Yes!

DBM: How long did you two date?

Juliet: Three years. The bad news is, I still love him.

DBM: Why did you end it?

Juliet: He got her pregnant.

DBM: Are you married?

Juliet: I am married.

DBM: Are you in love with your husband?

Juliet: I love my husband.

DBM: Are you in contact with your ex?

Juliet: Yes! I will be seeing him in the afternoon.

DBM: Where?

Juliet: At his house. He’s not far from where I work.

DBM: But he’s married, no?

Juliet: His wife left him. She took their children along.

DBM: So, he’s divorced?

Juliet: Not yet, but they’re no longer together.

DBM: Why?

Juliet: I don’t have much details about that. I visit him every day because he is bedridden, and I have been helping to take care of him.

DBM: That was part of your wedding vows to your husband?

Juliet: No!

DBM: Where is his own family of orientation?

Juliet: I don’t think he has told anyone what is going on with him. I know his mother is alive, and he has sisters and brothers.

DBM: Why are you taking care of him?

Juliet: He called me when he was on admission at the hospital. He said he had no one.

DBM: What made you empathize with him?

Juliet: I never stopped loving him. And I took a thoughtful approach to his very difficult situation. I want the best for him.

DBM: How old are his children?

Juliet: 10 and 7

DBM: What do you do when you go to his house?

Juliet: I have hired a house-help who makes sure he has home-cooked meals and clean clothes. When I go there, we try to talk. I help him to sometimes get dressed. I help him to eat too when his tremors are at its worst. I go there to assure him there is plenty of love around him.

DBM: Does he love you?

Juliet: I don’t want to know. I just want to be sure he is getting better.

DBM: For how long have you been doing this?

Juliet: Since July, this year.

DBM: Does your husband know about your afternoon shifts?

Juliet: No! He will not believe there is nothing going on between us.

DBM: Will something ever happen between the two of you?

Juliet: I am not looking forward to anything happening between us. That chapter was closed many years ago. I am not going back to rewrite our story. It ended, though I still have feelings for him.

DBM: Is it easy to love someone and not be with them?

Juliet: David, that is why I am saying Sylvester may be a good guy, at least, from your conversation with him yesterday; however, good, may sometimes not be good enough to hold on to. I feel the energy of love between me and my ex when I come to check on him. A relationship on the other hand is something I will not make happen between us ever again.

DBM: Why not?

Juliet: I have consciously chosen the man I want to be in a relationship with, and that’s my husband.

DBM: Interesting!

Juliet: My ex-boyfriend is not the only man I have felt strongly for: I have developed love for my boss, my Bishop at church, a former mate from the university and a close friend’s husband. It’s not lust I am referring to; I fell in love with these men, and I know they had feelings for me too but I wouldn’t execute it. I remember I was sitting across the table from my Bishop/pastor in his office, crying to him about all the reasons why I believed I was in love with him. Guess what he told me?

DBM: What?

Juliet: I am always on his mind too. The things these men have done for me individually, that my husband has no clue of, but again, because I want to be a good wife to my husband, I don’t allow my feelings to direct my path.

DBM: Love is not enough, I guess?

Juliet: As a married woman or man, you can never be the right person for another man or woman who is in love with you. It just doesn’t make sense to be inserting another person into every aspect of your life, knowing that spot is already taken by a spousal figure you’re supposed to be accountable to.

DBM: You make a good point.

Juliet: I care about my husband, that’s why hurting his feelings with an affair would definitely still hurt me.

DBM: Most married men believe they can go out there to get what they want

Juliet: For us women, we don’t have to even go out there, because what we want come to us. My boss at work is full of fireworks; he is kind, great guy, handsome, very funny and considerate. He is rich, and my husband doesn’t stand a chance. He told me point blank that he’s happily married, but still wants to be in a romantic relationship with me. He gave me one year to consider his proposal. I said no, and we’re still great friends.

DBM: So, you do not think Sylvester is doing right by any of the women?

Juliet: Liars are cheats; Sylvester is cheating on all of them because he knows he can get away with it, and, perhaps more importantly, because he is willing to let himself get away with it.

DBM: Why will you not cheat on your husband, looking at the history you’ve given me about yourself?

Juliet: Simple, I keep my husband in mind wherever I find myself. Though I acknowledge to whoever else I develop love for, and let them know how much I care about them, I consider my husband’s feelings in all my decisions. And I make sure my feelings towards other men doesn’t go beyond feelings. I return home to the imperfect human being I married.

Image Credit: Jasmine Carter

Let’s Talk To Sylvester

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 24: Let’s call me Sylvester

DBM: Hello Sylvester. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Sylvester: I am an extremely simple guy but complex in what I desire. I am married. I love my wife. I have children. I love my children. I share the love I have with other women I am attracted to. I love sex. I love food. I love to travel. I work. I love my job.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Sylvester: I want to explain to our women why their husbands love them, but may still be sleeping with other women.

DBM: Why are you cheating on your wife?

Sylvester: Oh! Lol! This is how it’s going to be? Lol!

DBM: I’m just paraphrasing the description you gave of yourself.

Sylvester: Dave, I am not selfish. I am not greedy. It’s not about lust. And, I am very considerate of my wife’s feelings.

DBM: Okay?

Sylvester: I am able to be in love with my wife, and also fall in love with another woman at the same time because no two women are the same. Can you at least agree to this?

DBM: I know no two people are the same.

Sylvester: Good! My wife is an extremely business-driven lady. Trust me, I love that about her. Rose, on the other hand can sit to discuss football with me, dance to the music I dance to, drink tequila, vodka, and rum with me and still be fly.

DBM: Who is Rose?

Sylvester: The third woman I am in love with.

DBM: There is a second?

Sylvester: Yes. And I love all three with the same amount of love.

DBM: Wait, I’m not getting it.

Sylvester: You get it! My wife, who is number one; Ophelia and Rose.

DBM: You are engaging all three as we chat today?

Sylvester: Yes! But I keep them as far away from each other as possible.

DBM: I see.

Sylvester: Ophelia is an excellent cook. She gives me the best sex out of the three. My wife listens but she’s not a great listener as Rose. They are all good mothers to my children.

DBM: You have children with the extra two?

Sylvester: A child each with O and R. However, I have children with my wife.

DBM: Why haven’t you mentioned the other two to your wife?

Sylvester: I am only protecting her from heartbreak.

DBM: Before marrying her, did you ever draw her attention to the fact that, you’re not only made for her?

Sylvester: No!

DBM: Why not?

Sylvester: I didn’t want to lose a good woman.

DBM: But you were very okay with taking away her choice to be with a man who cannot be only hers? She deserved to have an opinion on this matter.

Sylvester: Yes, but it doesn’t mean the love I have for her is gone.

DBM: Does O know there is an R?

Sylvester: No!

DBM: I see.

Sylvester: Dave, I willingly give myself up to each of them. I divide my time and resources accordingly, so none is in dire need.

DBM: Are you doing this because you have money?

Sylvester: I don’t have money. I earn a decent salary. All three women work, so we combine our resources to build what we all share.

DBM: How do you handle the drama each brings to the table?

Sylvester: I am not built to break. My heart is big enough to make room for their wahala.

DBM: Which of them communicates the best?

Sylvester: Rose

DBM: Which of them is ambitious and strong?

Sylvester: My wife.

DBM: Which one values the relationship the most?

Sylvester: Ophelia. Unfortunately, my wife has become complacent, often putting to bed the romantic antics of our relationship.

DBM: Why is that?

Sylvester: Probably because we have been together for a long time.

DBM: Which of them is fun to be with?

Sylvester: I would say, Rose and Ophelia. Ophelia wows me with brutal sex and keeps me active all the time. Rose will drive my lazy butt off the bed to dance with her for hours. She also throws in very important ideas related to my work.

DBM: Which of them do you connect with the most?

Sylvester: I connect with all three on a different level, which satisfies me.

DBM: How about finances?

Sylvester: My wife makes smart decisions when it comes to money.

DBM: Which one supports you the most?

Sylvester: Ophelia

DBM: How about respect?

Sylvester: Rose.

DBM: Vulnerability…

Sylvester: My wife and Rose.

DBM: Which of them keeps you in your element?

Sylvester: They all do, in their own unique ways.

DBM: Which of them are you in love with?

Sylvester: I am in love with my wife. I am in love with Ophelia. I am in love with Rose. My heart starts to pound when I don’t hear from my wife in hours. My heart beats when I speak with Ophelia. My heart smiles when I am with Rose. They all make me happy, and I fear losing any one of them. They make me feel comfortable when I am around them.

DBM: What is your expectation for your love life?

Sylvester: I used to have a list of wants in a woman. I don’t need a list to be happy with my life anymore. I chose these three wonderful women because they make me happy.

Image Credit: Nicola Barts

Let’s Talk To Ofori: Part 2

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Mr. Ofori, thank you for agreeing to a second interview.

Ofori: My pleasure. I read some of the comment on Facebook. People want to hear more.

DBM: Yes please

Ofori: I’m ready

DBM: This question is from Anane Wisdom to your wife: Why did she marry a jobless former prison inmate? What did she see in you that no one else did? How did her family take her decision to marry you? And, how was the marriage ceremony?

Ofori: I need to ask my wife. I will type her response

DBM: Okay!

(15 minutes later)

Ofori: Ama had a fiancé the time they came for the prison outreach. After our encounter, she couldn’t stop herself from forgetting about me. She did not get back to me for a long time because she was in a relationship with George. Things ended between them after he got another woman pregnant. She says, though George was her taste, he was totally wrong for her. She considered dating me because she believed I fit into the normalcy of her life. She decided we would be friends, and a relationship was built from there. She married me because we had become good friends. She says I became her responsibility, and she had trust in me. We also found common ground during misunderstandings, and had come out with a deeper understanding of issues; we were empathetic towards each another, and had respect for our point of views. We were comfortable with each other because I was living in her house. I also realized I could be content with just Ama. And, because she was in love with me, and I in her, she wanted nothing more than to marry me. Her family were not in favor of her decision, but she was convinced I was hers to keep. We had a very simple wedding, and it was sponsored by my wife and her close friends.

DBM: From Benjamin Riverston: Where was your mother when you got released from prison? Was your mother checking up on you while in prison? What was the relationship between your father and mother while in prison? And, did your father ever forgive you?

Ofori: In our house, my father dominated their marriage. My mother didn’t have a say; she had to do everything my father wanted done. I did not see them making decisions together, she could not strike a balance even with how to raise us kids. My father didn’t want anything to do with me, and so my mother kept her physical distance in order not to upset my father. But she would send food and greetings through my wife to me in prison. Ama became friends with my mother in the process. I will describe the relationship between my parents as toxic. He abused my mother physically, emotionally, sexually and psychologically. My father did not forgive me till he died.

DBM: Kwadwo Twum wants to know the role your wife played in making you who you became after your release? And, how did society define you? How were you able to fit into society, and even find work?

Ofori: I craved for support during my encounter with Ama on their outreach program. When we became friends, and was visiting me in prison, I kept reminding her I would need help to make it out there after my release. Ama was that singular someone in my life who cared about me unconditionally, and was by my side, no matter what could go wrong. I had the ability to understand numbers and how they could influence a company; I had an eye for detail, and loved math. She knew I wanted the opportunity to go back to school, and she believed in my mind. She took bank loans to fund my education. I have two Masters degrees and was working in Finance prior to my retirement. I paid back all the monies she spent on me after I was gainfully employed. My wife ensured all my needs were met. She allowed me to make decisions concerning my life and interests, and she supported me through and through without a shadow of doubt. She believed I was capable of meeting my goals, and was my number one fan – always encouraging me to go after my dreams. I became the best version of myself.

My entire society was built around my wife. It was a conscious choice I made, and she built my confidence in believing in myself. Her presence in my life made me believe everything was going to work out, one way or the other. We also planned as early as possible for what I could do in order to have a successful life after prison.

DBM: From Fafah Gloria: How was your relationship with your parents after prison? And, do you have siblings? What was their reaction towards you?

Ofori: I only had a relationship with my mother, that was even after my father died years later. I have four other siblings from my mother’s side and three younger ones my dad had with other women. My siblings eventually came along.

DBM: Miriam Ronke would want to know whether or not you would advise any child to stand up for his or her abused parent?

Ofori: Unfortunately for me, beating up dad didn’t stop him from abusing my mother. And I ended up in prison. If you’re a witness to a parent being abused, find the nearest police station or domestic abuse service to report the abuser. Usually, abusers don’t listen to talks, so don’t try reasoning with them. Don’t ignore the issue thinking it’s up to your parents to figure out. Help them figure it out by getting the abuser arrested. It gives the victim room to decide what’s good for them.

DBM: Gyene W’ani wants to know whether or not Ama uses your past against you when there is a disagreement?

Ofori: Never. Trust is the foundation of our relationship, and she’s never had to protect herself from me because of my past record. She’s not the type who would use guilt as a weapon to control me; she’s not insensitive nor judgmental. Unlike my dad, Ama knows I’ve made mistakes and made amends the best way possible. I’ve been moving in the right direction since and I’d say, we’re happy together. She’s looked beyond the prison inmate.

DBM: The last question comes from me; you mentioned looking beyond the temptation to cheat on your wife in our first interview. How were you able to easily do that?

Ofori: It wasn’t an easy decision, Dave. I know the kind of life my father lived, and how his actions gravely affected my mother’s psychological wellbeing. My goal was to not satisfy several women with my affection and desires and expectations. My wife deserved my best, and so I chose Ama, to rather discover wholly and intentionally with my desire to satisfy all of her needs till death do us part. It’s a decision to choose to desire your wife over others, and I always chose Ama. She’s enough!

DBM: Thank you, Sir.

Ofori: You’re welcome. Hopefully, we covered all the questions?

DBM: Yes please, we have.

Image Credit: Kindel Media

Let’s Talk To Ofori: Part 1

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 10 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 23: I’m Ofori

DBM: Hi Ofori. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Ofori: 70 years young. I have had my share of the ups and downs and I believe that is what has made me the man I am today. They say I have a good sense of humor and very opinionated; I get out of bed early because my knees have started to hurt and everything aches lately.

DBM:  Why is a 70-year-old man on Facebook?

Ofori: I have been monitoring my children. I read from a few platforms to also see what’s happening. My daughter indirectly introduced your account to me. She comments a lot under your posts, and it was showing in my newsfeed. I think I’ve followed you for three years.

DBM: Nice meeting you, Sir. What do you want to talk about?

Ofori: I want to talk about my journey as a man.

DBM: Oh, nice! I am interested.

Ofori: I was in prison when I was 22 years old. I got released at age 32. I married at age 33.

DBM: Why were you in prison?

Ofori: I beat my father for beating my mum. He collapsed in the process because I hit his head with a sharp object. I was arrested and the rest is history.

DBM: How was life in prison?

Ofori: Imagine a boarding school built not to educate but frustrate and punish you. Every given moment of your day is scheduled and tightly controlled. You do not have the luxury to make a plan; lights go on and off per someone’s instruction; you do not have a choice to eat what you want; you force yourself to eat what you are given else you will go hungry. At night, there is the cessation of all movement and activities. You breathe the same stinking air and smell; it becomes your new normal. Life in prison is not a life any young man should experience. Being completely removed from society is not pleasant. We think Ghana is tough? Prison is hell. If you’ve not been caught in certain mistakes yet, find yourself a bit of help so you can get on the right path. It’s never too late.

DBM: How was the feeling after being released?

Ofori: The process was daunting and traumatic; so much anxiety and adjustments. A lot of catching up to be done, while dealing with mental health issues. I was practically stuck and didn’t know how to function in the society.

DBM: You married a year after your release. Tell me about that.

Ofori: I met my wife after I had served my first five years in prison. Her church had organized an event at our station, and they came to screen us. She was part of the health team that attended to me. While they took our samples and examined us, they asked what brought us to prison. I shared my story and she developed an interest in my case.

DBM: What was your first impression of her?

Ofori: I thought she was alright.

DBM: Your taste?

Ofori: It didn’t really matter to me because I knew she wasn’t going to fall for an inmate.

DBM: But was she your taste?

Ofori: She wasn’t. She came back 13 months later to visit me.

DBM: You remembered her?

Ofori: I did. She was the only one in the health team who looked me in the eyes and smiled at me during their outreach. I took a picture of her smiling – with my mind, and I looked at her every now and then.

DBM: Did she have the same smile when you saw her again?

Ofori: Even better. I told her I had been thinking about her.

DBM: Had you?

Ofori: You’re not listening. I just told you I look at her picture with my mind. Of course, I had been thinking about her. She told me she used to think about me too.

DBM: How did that make you feel?

Ofori: It was at that point that I realized she was my taste.

DBM: How so?

Ofori: My wife demonstrated mercy and grace amidst my hardship. Days after our second meet, I developed feelings for her because she’s a woman of impeccable character and stanch integrity. She was compassionate to my needs. 37 years in marriage, and she’s still the same towards me. I seriously cannot put a measure to my wife’s worth.

DBM: Why did you marry her?

Ofori: When I suggested marriage to her, I wasn’t working. I did not have money to even feed myself. I didn’t have a place to lay my head because my father didn’t want me around. My wife took me in. It was a risky decision she took, but she did anyways. She can be very stubborn; I have to admit. I felt so alone when I came out of prison. Marrying my wife eliminated loneliness for me.

DBM: How old is your wife?

Ofori: She’s two years older than me.

DBM: 72

Ofori: Yes!

DBM: How has marriage been like for you thus far?

Ofori: Nothing I could have ever dreamt of. It’s been beautiful, as well as hard. But we’ve moved through the tests of life together.

DBM: How many children?

Ofori: Four wonderful humans.

DBM: How important is sex in your marriage?

Ofori: As a young couple, we had a lot of sex while we could. Before and after the births of our children. Our emotional connection is still intact due to memories from the good old days.

DBM: Can I ask a personal question?

Ofori: I am already answering personal questions. Shoot!

DBM: Have you cheated on your wife before?

Ofori: The thought had occurred to me a couple of times from all directions, but I did not pursue the temptation. The bond I have with my wife is deep and that has been my support to stay true to my vows. I was not in a hurry to get where I was going with my wife in our marital journey. Most of the parties in marriages today are in such a hurry to reach a certain cloud, they have no sense of slowing down to appreciate, and be content with the little steps they take.

DBM: How have you been able to stay married this long?

Ofori: Oh, I have been reminding myself why my wife looks pretty to me. Whenever I hear her voice, I remind myself why I am still in love with her, especially during disagreements and fights. I look at the changes in her body that I don’t like so much, and rather zoom in, and sharpen the focus of my attention to the charming details about her that I used to see as amazing. I always remember why she’s my favorite woman, and I choose to be with her every day.

Image Credit: Kindel Media 

Let’s Talk To Maame Yaa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 22: My name is Maame Yaa

DBM: Hello Maame Yaa. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Maame Yaa: I am a young woman of faith, with Jesus in my heart. I try to inspire change, lift those around me up, do good and have respect for people. I am a medical doctor by profession, and 32 years of age.

DBM: Want do you want to talk about?

Maame Yaa: My boyfriend is insisting we have sex before marriage. I want to have sex on my wedding night.

DBM: How long have you been dating?

Maame Yaa: We will be three years in February, 2023.

DBM: And has he discussed his plans concerning a future together with you in marriage?

Maame Yaa: Yes, he has.

DBM: When is that going to happen?

Maame Yaa: We’ve not decided on the date.

DBM: Would it be in 2023?

Maame Yaa: I don’t know.

DBM: So, you’re not certain whether or not he is going to marry you any time soon?

Maame Yaa: Yes!

DBM: Are you a virgin?

Maame Yaa: No, I am not.

DBM: Is your boyfriend the one who broke your virginity?

Maame Yaa: No! He is the third guy I have dated.

DBM: You had sex with the first two?

Maame Yaa: Yes!

DBM: Why do you want sex with him on your wedding night?

Maame Yaa: I want to feel in control of my own choices with regards to my body and sexual intimacy. I want to pursue celibacy until I am joined together in holy matrimony to the man who will put a ring on my finger.

DBM: I am assuming your boyfriend is also thinking if he does not explore your sexual flanks, you both may not be able to grow naturally to develop into it. Sexual compatibility, attraction and identity are important things to figure out before marriage.

Maame Yaa: I believe that one’s character is built through waiting. Patience is developed in waiting; faithfulness can also be developed while we wait to have sex after our wedding. I want to be sure we are in love with each other without the complications of any emotional entanglement. If we are each other’s real deal, we will make do regardless.

DBM: Does he know what you like sexually?

Maame Yaa: I have told him mine.

DBM: Do you know what turns him on?

Maame Yaa: He’s spoken about a few.

DBM: So, theoretically, you’re both in the known?

Maame Yaa: Practical examination should be on our wedding night.

DBM: And what if one partner fails the final exam?

Maame Yaa: It wouldn’t be a final exam. We will re-write the paper till we pass.

DBM: Many guys are using their married lives to deal with sex issues, instead of actually enjoying the beauty in marriage. What if you’re not content with what he offers in bed?

Maame Yaa: Marriage, they say is not all about sex.

DBM: I see the quality of a relationship strongly related to sexual satisfaction.

Maame Yaa: I see the quality of a relationship strongly related to the God-factor.

DBM: When was the last time you felt desired, got aroused and ‘wet’; when last did you reach orgasm and did not feel pain?

Maame Yaa: I don’t remember. Maybe, in my past relationships.

DBM: Do you care about what your boyfriend cares about?

Maame Yaa: I do, and I try to be there for him.

DBM: He wants a blow-job, have you given him that?

Maame Yaa: I will give him a blowjob after our wedding.

DBM: Will you be okay if he gets the sex from somewhere else while dedicating all his love to you?

Maame Yaa: I will not be able to cope with infidelity.

DBM: There is no guarantee he is going to be faithful to only you after marriage.

Maame Yaa: If that happens, we will divorce.

DBM: Which is more important to you: your relationship to your faith or that relationship you are building with him?

Maame Yaa: I am holding firm to the beliefs that God has placed deeply in my heart, and I am taking a stand for them – to ensure I know exactly why God stands for them too.

DBM: That’s commendable.

Maame Yaa: Dave, please be honest with me: am I making a mistake with my stance?

DBM: We are all different; what may be important to your boyfriend may not be all that important to you. Again, it all comes down to your strong personal beliefs, your boyfriend’s physical desires and the overall nature of your relationship.

Maame Yaa: I think we have a good relationship.

DBM: That’s good to know. So basically, it’s because you are unmarried, and the fact that, you want to abstain from sex before marriage, no?

Maame Yaa: Yes.

DBM: You are not living with an underlying medical condition, are you?

Maame Yaa: No, I am not.

DBM: And, you do not have a low sex drive, do you?

Maame Yaa: I love sex.

DBM: Good, good… good! You love and value your boyfriend?

Maame Yaa: I do.

DBM: Then know that, him requesting for sex with you could have been an opportunity for him to bond with you on another level; It could have been another opportunity for him to express his love and affection towards you; he probably might have felt more secure in the relationship if you both had been engaging in sex often. It could have also been an opportunity for you both to appreciate the pleasure and fun in the relationship.

Maame Yaa: Do you suggest I give in?

DBM: I am suggesting you marry a man who sees, appreciates and values your self-worth. Do not go to different lengths just for your boyfriend to achieve his sexual goals. That said, make the most out of your love life while sticking to the opinion you have of yourself. I think you’re a wonderful young woman.

Maame Yaa: Thank you, Mr. Dave. I am a fan of your Facebook platform.

DBM: Appreciated!

Image Credit: Fillipe Gomes

Let’s Talk To Mercy

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 21: Call me Mercy

DBM: Hey, Mercy! Please tell me a little about yourself.

Mercy: I’m married, and a mother.

DBM: Okay! Any other thing about you?

Mercy: I am a career woman, and not afraid to push boundaries set before me. Dave, I have a question.

DBM: Please ask

Mercy: I am not good at writing and expressing myself with words. Will you be correcting my grammatical errors before publishing it on your website?

DBM: Yes please. I proofread and edit all the conversations, and would even rephrase sentences that aren’t clear to suit my house-style. You are in good hands.

Mercy: Thank you!

DBM: You’re welcome! What do you want to talk about?

Mercy: I’m just curious Dave, but what do men want?

DBM: I may never know myself

Mercy: The BS my husband is putting me through emotionally eh

DBM: Mercy, the art of bullshit is how most men get through with their day.

Mercy: I almost poisoned my husband’s food for the second time this year.

DBM: That is to the extreme.

Mercy: His actions are forcing me to hurt him.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Mercy: I don’t want to say

DBM: Why not?

Mercy: It might give me away, assuming he gets to see this online.

DBM: Do you love your husband?

Mercy: Yes, I love him.

DBM: Getting hurt by the people we love is inevitable.

Mercy: This is something I can’t forgive

DBM: Why would you want to hurt someone you love?

Mercy: Because he is hurting me too.

DBM: Marriage takes a lot of work. It’s hard; it’s a job and you’ve got to work at it every day.

Mercy: I do my part

DBM: What is he doing to hurt you?

Mercy: He is having an affair. Infidelity is the nail in the coffin for me.

DBM: You have proof of this?

Mercy: I wasn’t immediately suspicious. We were having dinner at home, and I realized he had become so alert as to which WhatsApp message to respond to. It was written all over his face though he was trying to play cool. But something kept nagging at the back of my brain to not let my suspicion go. I paid one driver I am cool with for a week to trail my husband. He had gone to meet the same lady three times that week.

DBM: I am sorry.

Mercy: I feel so angry and hurt.

DBM: Do you know how long the affair has lasted?

Mercy: It is still ongoing. I don’t know when it started.

DBM: Have you confronted him about it?

Mercy: He’s going to lie anyways, so what’s the point?

DBM: You mentioned ‘almost’ poisoning him. What made you stop?

Mercy: My kids always came to the kitchen to ask when their father would be home from work. That is what usually gets me emotional and stops me. Because they need their father. So, I would throw away the contaminated meal, and dish a new one.

DBM: Children need their father.

Mercy: I know! It’s like, he has pushed the responsibly of raising our children solely to me. He just pays fees and bills, and provides money. He gets mad very quickly when the children are trying to play around him. He screams at them, ignores them, but has time to be chatting with the other woman. He has time to make plans with another woman.

DBM: People can make poor choices at times, you know?

Mercy: That is no excuse, Dave. At his age, does he need a reminder to prioritize his family?

DBM: It’s your husband’s duty towards you and the family, to share all the responsibilities.

Mercy: He leaves me to deal with issues at home all by myself, while he keeps himself occupied with another woman’s touch. He is spending more time taking the other lady out, talking to her and sharing his goals and dreams. I am burdened at home, all because I am his wife and mother to the children.

DBM: Do you think he is happy being married to you?

Mercy: I do everything to meet his sexual needs. I don’t stress this man at home. Secondly, he chose me. He asked me to marry him. I did not force myself on him. There is this huge hole in my heart and in my life that I have to fill with a man’s touch, affection and attention. Either that, or I may be tempted again to mix something in his food.

DBM: If you are tempted to physically or emotionally hurt someone you love, simply because they hurt you, then it would be best to walk out of the marriage.

Mercy: If there is any walking out to be done, that should be in his obituary.

DBM: If you truly love him, he will need you to help him do right by you.

Mercy: Dave, he doesn’t need me. Trust me, he has his side-chick.

DBM: Most men are addicted to approval and validation from other women. He might be one of those.

Mercy: I don’t care. Right now, it’s two things, I either find myself someone on the side to be meeting my needs – as he’s enjoying, or close this chapter with my husband permanently.

DBM: ‘Till death do us part’?

Mercy: That was my vow to him.

DBM: What about forgiveness? Because the real need for forgiveness is in marriage

Mercy: No good comes of it

DBM: No good comes out of cleansing your heart and making peace with yourself?

Mercy: You do not understand, I will not forget what he’s done to me.

DBM: I am not making any excuses for his behavior. All I am asking is, is his foolishness worth the foolish decision you’re intending on making?

Mercy: He should have thought of all that.

DBM: You need to confront your husband.

Mercy: And say what?

DBM: That, you are thinking of ways to make him pay for what he is doing to you.

Mercy: Why would I want to do that?

DBM: Because just like him, you’re equally flawed, and your perceptions are too.

Mercy: Thank you for the conversation.

DBM: You’re welcome, Mercy. Every relationship that we’ve all been in, one way or the other, requires some level of forgiveness to sustain its relevance to us.

Image Credit: Anna Shvets

Let’s Talk To Kweku

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 6 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 20: My name is Kweku

DBM: Hello, Kweku. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Kweku: I am a Senior Product Marketing Manager. I am married with two kids. I am 43 years of age, and I live in Accra.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Kweku: I am planning on quitting my job.

DBM: Why?

Kweku: I feel disrespected by my employers. I loathe my boss. That is my first reason. The second reason is my salary, it’s low. The third reason: I hate my job. I am so unhappy.

DBM: Why do you hate your job?

Kweku: It’s not fulfilling, and I don’t feel challenged enough. There is no progression in my career. I feel so limited.

DBM: How long have you been working for your current employer?

Kweku: 9 years.

DBM: Why do you dislike your boss?

Kweku: He is incompetent, but because he has money, he feels he can talk to anyone anyhow and get away with it.

DBM: When was the last time you encountered your boss in an argument?

Kweku: Just yesterday. Dave, it’s an everyday attack with him when it comes to my input at work. There is always a problem with what I do.

DBM: What specifically are your duties and responsibilities?

Kweku: I am involved in the development of products and its distribution; I also create and implement marketing strategies and initiatives to increase our product’s visibility and market performance; I create sales copy, and liaise with the stakeholders of our company. My job is to also perform thorough market research and competitive analysis to understand and efficiently communicate product value proposition.

DBM: Do you have a new job lined up somewhere else?

Kweku: No, but I have put in a few applications.

DBM: Any luck thus far with those applications?

Kweku: I did one interview recently.

DBM: How did it go?

Kweku: It was okay.

DBM: You mentioned being unhappy; an unhappy worker most often is an un-productive worker. Are you productive at work?

Kweku: I am, and that’s what pisses me off; because I stive to give my 100% at every task, only to be unappreciated and criticized.

DBM: You are certain about resigning?

Kweku: At this moment, yes! I called my boss incompetent in the presence of my co-workers.

DBM: When was this?

Kweku: Yesterday afternoon.

DBM: What was his reaction?

Kweku: He was in shock. And angry. And defensive

DBM: What did your co-workers say after hearing you say that to the boss?

Kweku: Nothing! They all knew someone had to tell him to his face.

DBM: And that person had to be you?

Kweku: Unfortunately!

DBM: Does your wife know you’re going to be unemployed, like yesterday?

Kweku: Not yet.

DBM: Does she know about how you’re being treated at work?

Kweku: Yes!

DBM: And, what has she said to you?

Kweku: She’s been helping me with job applications.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Kweku: 11 years.

DBM: So, your children are under 11?

Kweku: Yes!

DBM: Has your boss approached you since yesterday?

Kweku: Not yet. That is why I want to send in my resignation letter.

DBM: Are you resigning because you feel you will be fired, regardless?

Kweku: No, Dave. I have had enough of his bullshit.

DBM: Kweku, please do not get into anymore emotional exchanges with your boss. If you allow your emotions to outrun your rational decision, you may not have the time to properly think things through.

Kweku: I have no interest in talking to him today.

DBM: If you’re resigning, then it indirectly also means you’re firing him as your boss.

Kweku: Lol! I haven’t heard that before. Lol!

DBM: Do not resign via email.

Kweku: Why not? That’s how it’s done here.

DBM: You insulted him. I would suggest you write a short letter, and it should be to the points you’ve raised: low salary, unfulfillment and the unhappiness. State the actual date of your resignation, and then go to your boss’ office to hand him the letter. Without any complaints, tell him you are resigning, and try to talk over your concerns. After receiving your letter, thank him, and then leave.

Kweku: Dave, it’s too much work while I can just send him a mail. I am trying to prevent any confrontation.

DBM: I see. Anyways, you are in control of your happiness, no one else is.

Kweku: True.

DBM: Are you your family’s main source of income?

Kweku: Yes, but my wife also works.

DBM: Do you have enough saved to support your family – while you wait for your next employment?

Kweku: I have something saved.

DBM: To sustain your home for the next two-to-three years?

Kweku: Lol! Hopefully, I wouldn’t be staying in the house unemployed for that long. Lol!

DBM: Well, you can never be sure.

Kweku: My wife works. She will give me the necessary support.

DBM: Has she confirmed to that?

Kweku: She is my wife. We are in it together.

DBM: Are you going to be alright?

Kweku: I will be fine, Inshallah!

Image Credit: Nappy

Let’s Talk To Yorkow

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 6 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 19: Yorkow

DBM: Hi, Yorkow. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Yorkow: I am HIV+

DBM: Alright! But I would want to know other positive aspects there is to you.

Yorkow: I hold an MBA in Accounting and Finance, a Bachelor of Science in Accounting; I am highly analytical and result driven.

DBM: Okay! How old are you?

Yorkow: 40

DBM: Are you single, dating or married?

Yorkow: Widowed!

DBM: So sorry. How long were you married to your late wife?

Yorkow: 9 years.

DBM: You have children?

Yorkow: Daughter.

DBM: What kind of dad are you to your child?

Yorkow: I am crazy about her, and I love her with all of my heart. She’s smart and beautiful like her mum. I pray for her every day.

DBM: What type of man are you?

Yorkow: I care for myself and take care of all of my needs on my own.

DBM: That’s good to know. Alright, what do you want to talk about?

Yorkow: I am dealing with so much guilt.

DBM: Why is that?

Yorkow: I think I am the reason my wife is dead.

DBM: What makes you say that?

Yorkow: I may have infected her with the virus.

DBM: HIV?

Yorkow: Yes!

DBM: Knowingly or unknowingly?

Yorkow: Unknowingly.

DBM: Yorkow is not your real name, is it?

Yorkow: No!

DBM: Could you have imagined being the one who would hurt your wife through cheating?

Yorkow: Yes!

DBM: How so?

Yorkow: I married a woman I am not sure I loved 100%

DBM: What percentage of love was in you for her?

Yorkow: 35% of friendly love

DBM: You were not in love with her?

Yorkow: No!

DBM: Why did you marry her then?

Yorkow: I had to marry and have children.

DBM: Why did you marry your wife?

Yorkow: I don’t know.

DBM: Did you like her?

Yorkow: Yes! She was my friend, and I cared about her.

DBM: Cared in which way?

Yorkow: I wanted the best for her.

DBM: Were you the best for her?

Yorkow: No!

DBM: So, why did you take that place in her life?

Yorkow: She wasn’t finding the right man. All the guys she dated ended up hurting her feelings.

DBM: And what did you do differently when you took up space in her heart?

Yorkow: I made one of her dreams come true.

DBM: Which was?

Yorkow: Being married, having a baby.

DBM: Did you love the person you were cheating on your wife with?

Yorkow: I did.

DBM: What is her HIV status?

Yorkow: He is a man.

DBM: You’re gay?

Yorkow: Bisexual.

DBM: Which of the sexes are you drawn to the most?

Yorkow: Men.

DBM: What is the man’s HIV status?

Yorkow: +

DBM: Was he the only man you were sleeping with?

Yorkow: Yes!

DBM: Protected sex?

Yorkow: No! We had been together for more than 12 years. I trusted him.

DBM: You two were dating before you married your wife?

Yorkow: Yes.

DBM: And, your wife knew him?

Yorkow: She knew we were close friends.

DBM: Is he also married?

Yorkow: Yes!

DBM: So, he was the one sleeping around?

Yorkow: I suppose so.

DBM: Did he confirm to being with other men?

Yorkow: Yes!

DBM: Did he know about his HIV status, prior to you finding out about yours?

Yorkow: I don’t think so.

DBM: Do you think your wife knew about your relationship with him?

Yorkow: No!

DBM: Is your wife the type that would be unfaithful?

Yorkow: No! She’s a good woman.

DBM: How about your boyfriend’s wife?

Yorkow: I wouldn’t know.

DBM: It is not easy to deal with these feelings of guilt after betrayal, and still live with yourself as if nothing happened.

Yorkow: I feel horrible, and angry, and sad.

DBM: We all make mistakes.

Yorkow: Hmmm!

DBM: Would you want me to recommend a counselor I trust?

Yorkow: No!

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Yorkow: A lot.

DBM: Are you going to be alright?

Yorkow: I don’t know!

DBM: Do you have any support at home with your daughter?

Yorkow: Yes.

DBM: Forgive yourself, Yorkow. There are more positive things in your life to cheer you up; be conscious of those very things and allow yourself to be encouraged by them. And, please do not make that mistake of wasting your energy – trying to live up to, and become what this society expects you to be. You are saying you are attracted to men more; find decent men who like men, and relate to and with them the best way you understand love and affection. That is honesty! Honesty to yourself, and your creator. Only He can understand your true feelings and judge you accordingly.

Yorkow: Okay! I’ve got to work. Thanks!

Image Credit: Mike Jones

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