Veg vs Non Veg

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Hi David. My Jain wife is driving me nuts. She does not eat any animal flesh, be it meat, poultry or fish. She thinks healthy living only consists of fruits, nuts, vegetables, grains, seeds and pulses. Did I know all this before going ahead to marry her? Yes. I love my wife very much. The mutual love we share is the foundation of our journey. We also love God dearly, and I thought because we had that in common, we had something to build on. Now, I am beginning to doubt whether I was prepared for what I have taken on.

We’ve been married for two years and I don’t think I can continue with this vegetarian lifestyle. I really thought I could change her with time but she’s trying to turn me rather into a vegetarian. She cooks only veg at home. My understanding initially was, she was going to be preparing her veg meals while making my choice of non veg meals for me. That could have prevented any issues whatsoever. As long as we decide to respect each other’s choices and not force them into something else. But she’s not willing to cook two separate meals at home. Dave, I don’t know how to cook.

It ultimately became unbearable I started to lie to her. I would eat my pork and beef outside and I don’t know how she finds me out but she kind of figures it out. My wife will not allow me to have sex with her for about three days just to punish me. She wants me rather to adjust. Why doesn’t she want to adjust to non veg? I wish my wife ate meat and wouldn’t vomit at the sight or smell of it. It has gotten so bad that, when we have guests coming over, I have to secretly call those I know ahead of time to eat their preferred protein and be full before coming to our house to eat leaves. How can a woman in this day and age believe that pigs, goat, chicken, fish, snails etc. have a right to be free from human use? My wife is turning me into a vegetarian. Heeelppp!!!

Image Credit: Thirdman

Playboy Almost Retired

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Dave, please come to my rescue. My husband portrays himself to be well-to-do. People out there think he has money but I live with this man. I know the kind of hustle enabling him to feed himself and the family, or so I thought. I am recently finding out that he has bagged a sugar momma. It wasn’t just her. My husband basically targets women who have large purses to dupe. He forces himself to give these women attention, affection and is even trying to love them, all with the intention of making them give him money so he can take care of me and the children. From the information gathered on his phone, all the ladies know he is married to me and has children.

My husband is an Elder in church. He preaches. He leads people to Christ. And is living this fake moment, sleeping with me and two other women older than him. One is a divorcee and the other is a widow. I know my husband is very handsome, attractive, vibrant, aggressive and intelligent but should a married man be doing this to his loyal wife? My husband is a big liar; broke-smart for the streets but a hypocrite to the core. What hurts me the most is the type of conversations he’s been having with his friends. They all believe finding companionship, true love and the correct synergy should go hand in hand with someone with money.

I am broken and lost in the sea of vengeance. I want to teach him a bitter lesson. In fact, Dave, I want to become a widow. It’s amazing how a lot of young women have actually done well managing their deceased husband’s wills. He is not rich but he has made some money from these women he’s taking advantage of. I believe playboys should to be permanently placed on retirement I want to take over his savings and invest into lucrative ventures. I am so angry right now I feel like projecting all the hurt and anger on him. I want to take my power from being a victim. This level of betrayal has made it impossible for me to continue to love him.

I don’t want to do what I am considering doing. I don’t feel like speaking to him either, that is why I am pouring my frustrations on you. Please help me to calm myself down so I don’t do something stupid.

Image Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko 

GOD Comes Through

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

My wife usually wakes up around 2:30 AM to pray. She will quietly get up and try not to disturb my sleep. Most of the time I will hear the bedroom door gently being opened and closed when she’s heading to the living room. I am not the easiest guy to be married to, and I know my wife a lot of the time cannot deal with my anger and temperament. I am very aware of my flaws and have been trying to work on myself. I was feeling very hungry for whatever reason this specific dawn, and so I got up to go and warm leftover soup in the kitchen.

My wife had her headphones on and was seated at the dinning table, praying. I went to the kitchen, put the soup on fire, lowered the heat and returned to our bedroom to relax on the bed. I didn’t realize when or how but I had dozed off. The next thing I heard was my wife screaming and calling out my name. I woke up inhaling intense smoke coming from the hallway. Flames. Sparks gushing from the kitchen. Our house was on fire and my wife and kids had already run out, screaming for help.

I brought a baggage of insecurities into our marriage that my wife found it very difficult to address because I would always be on the defense. To the extent that I had failed to even admit I had left soup on fire and gone back to sleep. I couldn’t take the blame. By the time the fire truck arrived, our house had burnt down. We lost everything. Dave, my hands were literally on my head while I cried out. I was still barefooted walking from one edge of our compound to the other.

My daily routine suddenly had changed. I was now officially bent on worrying every day about how we were going to start all over again. I would leave our early morning quiet time feeling encouraged by the word of God explained by my wife. My wife takes the bible to its word, she ends up always boosting my confidence in God, but my mid-day, the worries had returned. Man was afraid. Man was in doubt. Man had lost hope. Man couldn’t forgive himself for being reckless. Man couldn’t tell his wife the truth about the soup he left on fire.

Fast forward to five months later. I received a phone call from an unknown number. He was a former school mate. He used to eat from my chop box. We were good friends. He had heard about my incident and wanted us to meet for lunch at his house. The moment he saw me approaching his car, he smiled. I couldn’t smile back but he kept smiling. He put his arm around my shoulder and called me by my nickname. That forced a light smile out of me.

“You look like you haven’t eaten for 30 years. Are you hungry?” he asked. I wasn’t. I just needed money and to be left alone. “You know you’re going to be fine?” he kept whispering, calmly and quietly. I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. I lost everything that dawn in the fire. Everything that mattered to me. “But you didn’t lose your wife and children. Those are the important people that matter” he spoke. I got to later find out he owned a construction company and the four-bedroom house we were standing in front of was one of the properties he had built to put on the market. He waved the keys in my face, made another silly joke about my posture before handing it over to me.

“God spoke to me. He instructed me to remember you. He has been guiding my decisions. This particular prompting didn’t make sense to me. But he said he had made a promise to your wife. God says he keeps his promises. He says your wife has waited on him for long, and he has to come through for her. Welcome to your new home.”

Some jokes we know are expensive. This wasn’t one of them. Who would have thought a simple act of kindness that happened in Secondary School, 29 years ago, from Form 1 to Form 3; allowing this poor kid to be eating whatever he wanted from my chop box because I had more than enough could create a positive impact on his life. I thought I only was deriving life satisfaction and fulfilment from seeing a friend get fed and feeling thankful. My aid meant nothing to me. It was simply a small gesture but it made a difference in improving his situation. His aid towards me and my family in our time of need made a big difference in our lives. It’s good to know there are still good people left in this world who are willing to come through for others in need of their assistance.

Image Credit: Andrey Karpov

It’s Not Rocket Science

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Hey, I have a question. I am a certain guy’s serious woman. He is married but he wants to be with me. I have different men that are attracted to me, including some of his very close friends. I really like some of the guys expressing interest in me but it doesn’t mean I have got to date and sleep with them all. I want to sleep with some but not all, that’s the truth. Sexual pleasures aside, I feel like it would be nice to simply have choices and options. It’s a human thing to desire more than just one. Men can do it; women can do it.

Three guys I am currently considering have the perfect qualities that I want in my men. They’re easygoing and the right dudes to get along with. They are wonderful communicators and very masculine. I am very much the submissive and feminine type of gal and will be loyal to all the men in my life. Luckily for me, they have all proven to be my type and I want to swing them along. Let me also mention that, I am the type that wouldn’t hesitate to discard a man when something better comes along. I can go the extra mile of even having your baby and still move on to something better the next day. That is why I am particular when it comes to the type of man; he has to have the means to take care of a situation in our situation.

The guy who sees me as his serious woman isn’t someone, I truly care for to begin with. I love his ability to provide and make me feel special but I usually date more than one guy before discussing exclusivity. Most of the men who find me attractive are either married or dating. Dave, I know you’re already thinking I am being a total cunt by dating multiple men behind their backs. I don’t want them to know. Guys take offense when they realize the woman they’re sleeping with or dating is entertaining other dudes. I don’t want any one to feel like they’re just an option I am leading on for the while to later deny.

I feel like women know when they find their person. I am not talking about a crush that any man would easily know without us having to say it blatantly. The crush many of us ladies fake to draw your attention when you have the goods/little money to make us feel comfortable is not subtle when it comes to making you know that we have the hots for you. Usually, this kind of hots is not for your heart but wallet. The deeper your pocket, the crazier we make you think we have fallen for you. That is not the ‘our person’ I am referring to. This is just by the way Dave, if you must crack your medulla oblongata trying to figure out if a fine girl is into you or not, then the chances are she’s probably not. This is just a free advice to all the men who can’t seem to get the hint to move on in their search.

There are two amongst my top three guys that every chance that I get to be in their presence, I find myself glancing at. They are so appealing they force smiles out of me. I am happy to see them because one lightens me up while the other cheers me up. I am curious about their lives and why they are attracted to me. Dave, I can confidently tell you that if any of these two are the last voices I would ever hear before sleeping at night, I would be fine. I flow with their energy and vibe. They are fun to be around because I sense a strong emotional connection that precedes the obvious physical attraction.

If I go down on a friend of the guy I am seeing, will he tell his friend about us and our unusual connection?

Image Credit: Chad Populis

Being Responsible

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

I was 23 years old and, in the university, when news got to me that both of my parents had died. The last real memory I had of them was at the morning of their funeral. Their caskets were in the center aisle. My mother looked so peaceful and rested in her casket. When I looked down at my father, his face had been positioned in an almost frown. He looked angry as always. My sister was 20 years old by then and I remember hearing her cry uncontrollably, it almost broke me to tears. I was determined not to cry and I remained strong. I had already cried enough and had no more tears left to shed.

I held myself together as the priest conducted the service till, they had been buried. My sister and I found ourselves alone for the first time after everyone had left and we were devastated. Being the oldest child, it dawned on me the challenge of being responsible for my sister’s upkeep. I hadn’t considered a day in my life where I was going to be the grown up in the room helping my younger sister through her grief, while at the same time, working through my own. I didn’t know what to do at that point. I remember closing my eyes and crying behind my confusion. Dave, it felt impossible for me to even pray because I was overwhelmed by the sorrow and despair.

I knew I and my sister desperately needed consolation from God, but we didn’t know what to say to Him. I in particular was too heartbroken to even think about the right words to pray with. What I was grateful for though, was the fact that our mother taught us early in life how to have a praying heart and soul which was turned to God. So, in a time like that, we could remember every now and then, that our actions and deeds; even in our inability to have the right words to pray, our tears and sorrows, our hurts and disappointments; our fears could all be transformed into the perfect communion and communication with God. All we had to do was cry and God understood.

The first week after their burial, I took on a responsibility, while tough, seemed the most obvious and unambiguous; I had to ensure my sister’s basic needs were tendered to. I made sure she ate, even if it meant a bite or two. I cooked, did laundry, cleaned the bathrooms, stocked the kitchen with some of her preferred foods that required little or no preparation. I became her dad all of a sudden, doing the biggest job on my own. Taking good care of a grown woman is a responsibility that does not show up on any man’s resume. I learned to pour all the love and its emotions I never knew I could give, all the support into my sister so she could become an astounding young woman.

I feel very proud of myself right now because my sister recently got married and raised a toast in my honor. She believes I challenged her preferences in men. She used to be all about looks and charm. If a man had a handsome face, an attractive physique, made enough money and could make her laugh, she would be allured to that. But 14 years after the death of our parents, she’s come to realize that an incredibly handsome man who is irresponsible and unreliable is not an attractive man. A rich man who makes promises and plans but not follow through on them is not an attractive man. Her tribute and appreciation of me was basically to say that, I was the type of man who showed up when I said I would.

I took charge when all hope seemed lost. I did not sit back and let things happen, I made things happen for us. Aside encouraging her daily to express her true feelings and emotions, I stood by her as she began to move forward from grief to, ultimately, pursuing her dreams in life. I was driven and motivated to make sure we were one step ahead each and every day and this, according to her, inspired her to be the best version of herself. She is now married to a man who also has the ability to perceive her emotional state and respond calmly to her needs. My wife is also the type of woman who knows how to manage not just her own emotions, but can discern that of my own. Thank you, David, for this platform that is allowing some of us guys to look beyond the surface and pour our hearts out.

Image Credit: Sherman Trotz 

The Waakye Seller

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Good evening, David. I want to share my love story but keep me anonymous. I have been married to the same woman for 16 years. She’s the lady seated next to me on my profile picture. I have not known any other woman but her. Before I met my wife, I was always praying for the perfect woman to marry. My wife used to sell waakye for her madam. She helped her cook it and then, she would come and sell. She had set her shop in a busy area near where I used to work.

I always thought she was beautiful but never gathered the courage to tell her. I was one of her loyal customers and she knew exactly how much I was going to spend every time it reached my turn to be served. We got to that stage of knowing each other on a first name basis. She was very popular in the neighborhood because of two things; the food was good and she was pretty. Every guy wanted to buy from her. I got jealous a few times I was in line to buy waakye because she knew almost all the guys by their first names. And the kinds of cars that would park by the roadside just to buy waakye. I felt some of the men wanted to flex with their rides just to catch her attention.

I was next in queue behind a ‘big’ man she was attending to who was asking her a number of personal questions. The man was assuring he could provide nice things for her if she would agree to date him. When I heard him say that, I remembered I also dress to look good just for her. It wasn’t completely for waakye or work. All the corporate guys in the queue were saying the right things and doing the right things to catch her attention. She finished serving the ‘big’ man and for the first time she asked, ‘Kwabena, what do you want?’

She realized I was fuming with jealousy. I wondered what she meant by ‘what did I want!’ Because she had already started topping my usual order with stew, eggs, gari, wele, shito and salad; wrapped in the banana leaf. She handed my food to me, took the money and whispered, “I want to know how you feel. I want to connect with your heart. All I desire is security and trust.”

From that day, I knew I had to pursue her because she was valuable enough to catch my full attention. She saw me beyond the customer she had retained. The fact that she liked me too made me want to be the perfect man for her at all cost. My focus shifted that day on the kind of life I wanted to live, and most importantly, the kind of boyfriend and husband I wanted to be. My favorite waakye seller was an amazing woman and I had to become an amazing man in order to love her well.

I have been a man of my word in the 16 years we’ve been together in holy matrimony. Not once have I dropped a vow because a beautiful woman gave me attention and opportunity. Not once have I considered backing out on my marriage or family or commitments. When we officially decided to be exclusive, I stopped flirting with other women. I was no longer casual texting or communicating with old and new flames. I stopped my eyes from lingering and wandering.

Some of us grew up watching parents do marriage anyhow. My father did not know how to do marriage right with my mother, and because of that, could not teach me what they did not know. So, when I got married, I made a decision to love everything about my waakye seller. The sacrifices this woman has made for me and our children; even how she runs our household. Whenever she shows up for me with intimacy, I am nothing but excited and happy to be one with her. Dave, my wife knows she cannot fail with me by her side and I am always validating and appreciating the little she does for me and the children. Not once have I made her feel unattractive. She’s beautiful and sexy and she’s comfortable flaunting all her assets before me. I have no expectations about how the mother of my children should look, perform in bed or even behave. We should not be the men burdening our wives because I am not.

Image Credit: Darkshade Photos

Landing A Rich Man

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David, how are you doing? So, I am going to try to be as honest as possible to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth; so, help me God. There came a time in my life that I had to reinvent myself with the sole aim of landing a rich man. I needed to be a rich man’s wife because I was sick and tired of being a bank teller. I felt like I also deserved to eat at top restaurants and drink the finest wines. I have been married for six years and my husband is filthy loaded. I targeted him because he has crazy money. Luckily for me, he is very attractive too.

I had been playing under the guise of just wanting a man who had his shit together but that wasn’t the whole truth. Though I wouldn’t consider myself to be shallow, I have a hunger for the finer things in life. I love life. I love money. I love to dress good. I love to smell good. I love jewelry. I love great shoes and bags. I want to co-own a beautiful house. I want to drive nice car. I want my children to have everything I never had. And I came to realize later on that, most rich men are willing to pay for someone extremely beautiful and nice to look at and also, fuck.

Love clearly isn’t the most important thing to me. I am a very beautiful woman and I know what the tradeoffs are when dealing with some of these guys with serious money and assets. What I found attractive about miŋɛ was the fact that his utterances weren’t the type that had to buy a fantasy of a better version of himself. He didn’t like talking about or flaunting his wealth. He was just like the everyday person and wasn’t doing or saying too much to make lesser folks feel jealous.

We bumped into each other at a mutual friend’s destination wedding and I could tell he was rich. He smelled rich. He looked simple and average but his demeanor was rich. I needed to test my assumption, and so, I walked towards him with a question, ‘Hello. My name is …. Can you give me an advice on money?’ He smiled with a confused look on his face but I wasn’t smiling back at him. I pretended to be serious and interested to learn. He gave a simple response, “Make sure the money coming in your bank account each month is way higher than the money going out.” I thanked him and politely walked away.
I didn’t speak with him again throughout the reception. When I got to my hotel that evening, there were lovely flowers and a card waiting for me, telling me how beautiful I looked and his willingness to want to teach me more about financial independence if I was still interested. The card had his phone number. I don’t know how he did it, but he managed to find information about me to locate me with beautiful flowers. We talked on phone so many times in a day for two months before asking me to marry him.

He made me understand he had been single because his main goal and focus was to make money. Due to that, he avoided ladies and had never seriously gotten involved in dating anyone. Now that his wealth is wealthing, he was ready to find true love. His proposal caught me off guard. I wasn’t ready to be proposed to. He told me how much he loved me and I had to tell him how calculating I was during the wedding reception. It was just his money and dick I was after and nothing else. I was expecting him to disrespect me, especially being from a lower class but no. He did not disregard or disrespect me for being poor and calculating. Instead, he offered me a dream to live in the present. Dave, sometimes, I wake up at dawn to pinch myself as reminder of how lucky I am in this life.

The day I walked down the aisle, we both knew I wasn’t marrying for love, and he was okay with that. He understood how much I cared for him as a person but was in love with his money. We built a happy relationship on his wealth for three years before I started falling in love with him naturally. The day I told him I believed I was falling in love with him was the first time I ever saw him cry. He told me he suspected I was falling in love with him because apparently, I had been flirting with him for months and was showing genuine signs of wanting to be with him.
Though I was contributing nothing to the table then, he still saw me as his equal.

Image Credit: Kebs-Visuals

Deacon Muna

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Participant: Dave, my name is Munachimso. Can we chat?

DBM: Hi Muna. What’s up?

Muna: I’m not sure who I am.

DBM: How are you doing?

Muna: Fine. You?

DBM: I am doing alright, thanks. Sup?

Muna: I know I’m a man, and a Christian. I am a deacon in church. I want to embrace my sexuality and also enjoy a gratifying relationship. I’ve been trying to figure out my orientation but I don’t know what to believe about myself anymore. I don’t know whether I’m straight, gay or something else. Romantically, I’m attracted to men. Sexually, I’m attracted to both men and women. I’ve experimented sex with both men and women and each excites me differently. Unfortunately, the sex I want to engage in the most has a lot of shame and stigma surrounding it.

DBM: How old are you?

Muna: 37 years

DBM: The sex you want to engage in the most is which type?

Muna: Men

DBM: You know that the way we feel about people or something today may be different than what we may feel, say, a year from now?

Muna: Yes. Believe me, I’ve laid awake at night wishing that I really could pray the gay away.

DBM: Why is that?

Muna: The gay stigma, Dave

DBM: It’s not that easy to grasp in depth your true feelings if you ignore them. As a human being, you ought to allow yourself enough room to feel your feelings.

Muna: I know

DBM: Have you been in a committed relationship before?

Muna: Yes

DBM: With men or women?

Muna: Both

DBM: For how long?

Muna: My last relationship was with a man. We were together for a year. I’ve also dated a woman for two years in the past.

DBM: You loved them?

Muna: I did

DBM: Were you in love with them?

Muna: I was

DBM: Why did the relationship end?

Muna: She found out I was messing around with my last relationship and broke up with me. I took advantage of the breakup to date him. My relationship with him didn’t work out because we were entertaining other dudes on the side.

DBM: Are you dating now?

Muna: I am entertaining a few conversations

DBM: Men or women?

Muna: Both

DBM: Which of the individuals you’re conversing with are you that much into?

Muna: I’m intimate with both, so I cannot be sure. But I enjoy being with them.

DBM: What do you feel for the guy?

Muna: I like him. I respect him; I like calling and talking to him. I love laughing at his stupid jokes. I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with him.

DBM: How about the lady?

Muna: She brings out the best qualities in me, she would be a good mother if we’re to have any kids. She’s a positive influence in my life.

DBM: Do they know there’re two of them competing for your attention?

Muna: The man knows and does not mind. He understands that’s how it works.

DBM: That’s how what works?

Muna: If you want to achieve an ideal of normalcy. He is married to a woman

DBM: Are you straight?

Muna: I don’t think so

DBM: So, why are you trying anything that might make you straight?

Muna: Naija we dey, bro!

DBM: Are you bisexual?

Muna: I probably might be

DBM: But are you?

Muna: I’m not sure

DBM: Until you learn how to stand your ground in this society; until you learn how to pause, reflect to check-in with your authentic self to know who you really are, others will decide it for you.

Muna: I don’t want to be known as the ‘homosexual’

DBM: You’re a human being, a person. And you can identify as a man without societal labels.

Muna: Hmmm!

DBM: Make time to look at who you become when no one is watching

Muna: I know I’m going to have to deal with it. I get that

DBM: I doubt you get it. What you feel and what you do with a man or woman doesn’t make it any less valid an experience. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong with your choices. It doesn’t mean you’re confused. Are you confused?

Muna: No!

DBM: You know exactly what you’re doing and what you want in life, no?

Muna: I do

DBM: What do you want?

Muna: Someone who can make me feel special and safe

DBM: So, when you close your eyes right now and imagine yourself with a potential partner, do you see a specific gender?

Muna: Yes

DBM: Is it with a male or female?

Muna: A man.

DBM: Okay!

Muna: You think it’s, okay?

DBM: I think that’s your identity for the moment. Everything you believe you are. Everything you know, deep down, that you think about. Everything you feel and strongly believe. That is you, Muna.

Muna: I’ve been seeing a therapist for my depression.

DBM: You will get there. It’s just going to take a bit of time

Muna: But I’m still struggling to feel at ease being anything other than heterosexual

DBM: This fear can limit your ability to live to the fullest. You know that, no?

Muna: Yeah! It’s the shame of being gay that is holding me back

DBM: Shame can also be a sign of strength.

Muna: How does that work?

DBM: Feeling shame sometimes unearths our understanding and gives us the ability to actually connect with others

Muna: Last question

DBM: Please ask

Muna: How about what the Bible says about homosexuality?

DBM: I have not read the Bible in its entirety, but this is what I know, your life as a gay Christian man should not be filled with any different kind of fear, guilt or shame – that would discourage you to keep your unique experience with the grace of GOD upon your life to yourself. Do better and stop sleeping around.

Muna: My dick can be content sometimes with the right person but my heart isn’t most of the time. That’s why I am unable to stop.

DBM: It should matter to you who you put your rod and staff into.

Muna: Yeah!

DBM: Find someone you can be true to and be your authentic self around him or her.

Muna: I want to be in a serious relationship but some of these people the moment you start exchanging the I love you too feelings, they start to make you feel like a freak for desiring and wanting them sexually. I love sex. That’s why most men cheat. We’re not getting much of it in the relationships that are supposed to keep us happy and fulfilled. Work is stressful enough. Sex with outsiders can be a stress reliver. I am in my whoring phase till the shine wears off.

DBM: Even if it means being reckless with the feelings of people you know ultimately, may end up being that much into you?

Muna: Lol!

DBM: Explain your understanding and feelings about sex to me?

Muna: Let me use this simple analogy. I love to travel a lot. And though I love where I currently live, I often get sick and bored of the same old place. I know the routes and routines of the neighborhood and even the city. Same old everything, day in, day out. Meanwhile, there are fun places outside my neighborhood and city to visit. Fun places outside the country to see something new, eat something new, feel something new, do something new for a change. Do you have an idea how rich my experiences would be if I visited more places?

DBM: I don’t think any serious man or woman should cling to whatever crumbs of emotion an unavailable man is willing to throw their way – whenever they decide to check on them because they’re lonely and horny. People deserve people who want to stay.

Muna: I want to stay but people have to also learn to accepts those of us who love sex a lot. They should learn to deal with it and even perhaps, use it to their own advantage.

Image Credit: Mike Jones 

Worth Trying

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Hi Dave. Thank you for this platform. I have been married for almost nine years and the last time I had sex with my husband was eight and a half years ago, on our honeymoon. He was involved in a very scary car accident after dropping his cousin who was his Best Man at our wedding, at the airport. He was on his way back to our hotel, according to his narration, when he saw a headlight coming his direction. He didn’t know how big or fast the approaching truck was. Thankfully, he survived. The truck driver however, died on the spot after his vehicle rolled several times through a fence. He was driving recklessly and it cost my husband dearly.

He’s been in a wheelchair since and had to deal with excessive pain in his back, hips and legs. It’s been a terrible experience not being able to enjoy marriage the way I had it planned in my head. I thought I was prepared for this whole ‘For better for worse’ and ‘In sickness and in health’ vow but Bruh, it’s no joke. I have managed to cope with the probable physical limitations he may have to live with, but I did not anticipate him losing his personality entirely too.

Marriage is no joke, Dave. People will say and do what helps their agenda, especially when you realize the kinks in the relationship has become knots. We were dancing to the tune of miscommunication which veered into resentment and disinterestedness. My husband emotionally pulled away and I did not see it coming. He wanted me to leave him because he didn’t believe I deserved him in his state. He gave up on me and I almost also did. His fears and concerns for me caused our disconnection. He did not see a reason in repairing what he was breaking each and every day with his attitude of not talking to me. He expected me to read his mind to know he was hurt for being in a wheelchair and unable to have sex with me.

I did not get married to him expecting to be divorced. That was not part of my plans, so I decided to take on the full spectrum of responsibilities, from becoming not just his wife but an amazing wife. I did not just become his nurse but the best of caregivers. I managed our household and did the best I could to cheer him up, even when he didn’t want to smile. I made him laugh and cry tears of joy. It was exhausting but I had to do it for my own mental health. I had to do it for my man, my husband, my best friend and lover; while I continued to work full-time.

Marriage is a lot of work when the unexpected befalls you. I had to change and be willing to do the work all by myself. I stopped myself from having to talk back at him before being loving. It was tough but it worked. It caused my husband to stop his bad attitude of needing love first before talking right at me. I had to tell myself many times to stop focusing on what was wrong in our marriage to what was right. I had to do the loving on this man who felt did not deserve my love. And I started to feel more love than I had ever felt for him.

I introduced pole dancing in our bedroom with the intent of impressing my husband with the sexiest and nastiest acrobatics my body could do. My goal worked and my husband now gets to be sexually stimulated with my beauty and poise. We do not have to always struggle to keep our marriage afloat. I chose to change myself to save my marriage. I am so glad I came to that realization. I stopped pointing fingers at the accident. I stopped pointing fingers at his wheelchair. I stopped pointing fingers at his inability to have an erection or have sex with me. I stopped pointing fingers at his attitude. I stopped blaming my husband for everything going wrong in our marriage. I stopped calling family and friends to vent or seek pity. I stopped being mean and decided to rather keep my emotions in check.

My husband is also changing for the better. Anytime he realizes that I am upset, and can sense my worries, pain or frustration, he takes a moment to understand what I am going through. He cares about my feelings. We are focused on building a healthier, happy marriage. And this is inspiring a positive change in our marriage and relationship towards one another. It was hard to let him off the hook to work on myself. But I dove into being a good wife, and it kept me interested in my husband and our marriage. It was worth it.

Image Credit: Jaycee300s 

Man like Fynn

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

My husband claims he married me because of this strange, yet irritating habit I have of speaking too frequently in a question form. I am a very curious woman, Dave. That cannot be overstated. You tell me you love me; I need to know why you love me. You tell me you are not happy in the marriage, I need to know why you’re unhappy. You tell me you want sex; I need to know why you want to fuck me. These conversations spur learning and enables us to exchange as much ideas as possible. My husband will not admit to this, but it has fueled performance in our intimacy and built the needed rapport and trust between us.

We have been married for 21 years and our son was telling me recently that I am starting to look like his daddy. Apparently, we now share the same mannerisms and I have realized it too. The way I say ‘hello’ on the phone, the way I laugh and talk; the way I approach situations. It’s hard to observe oneself but I think being married to Fynn has helped me to also act in accordance with my beliefs, and have been consistent and reliable in my personal and professional life.

My husband is a very honest man. He has deep compassion and empathy. He understands my problems and would do anything to relieve my burdens or pain. I have never met a man who sincerely cares about the well-being of his wife and child as Fynn does. We first met at a Goil Filling station. He was walking around with a Bic Cristal pen behind his ear, providing customer service at the gas station. He moved to the fuel dispenser near my car to pump and before taking my cash, he asked if I was a single woman.

“Uh, yes!” I nodded, smiling to communicate that I was checking him out too from a distance.

“You know, we should get together some time this week.” He said, so enthusiastically while he took my money and counted it. I was single but not lonely, though often alone. Fynn was charming. He still is, but there was something about his appearance and smile, and the way he talked to me that captivated and held my interest. He brought a blend of strength and sensitivity to our first interaction at the filling station.

I picked him up after his shift one evening to go out on our first date. My observations were these; he was a smart guy. A very confident and curious graduate from Legon. He was also very BROKE. Dave, there is already a lot of pressure on women to do almost everything in the household. The idea of adding the burden of potentially carrying a broke man’s ass could almost be too much. I thought of it, to be honest. Fynn was honest and open about his feelings, pocket and intentions for me, and did not hide his thoughts. I listened to everything he had to say actively, and acknowledged our different viewpoints. I got to know he was unable to find a better job despite putting in the effort.

Fast forward to when he got his master’s degree, started his dream job and then later asked me to marry him. My husband has been consistent in being sensitive to my needs and feelings. He responds to me with so much kindness and support. Every year on our wedding anniversary, he assures me of keeping his promise and vows, and will fulfill his commitments. A man like this, I can depend upon in all aspects of my life. It’s not even about him being faithful to me; It’s about Fynn choosing to be devoted to the growth of our marriage, and standing firm even in challenging times. He walked into my life quietly and has been showing up for me loudly.

Every woman deserves to be with a man who willingly gives freely without expecting something in return. A man who enriches your life and the relationship he intends to build with you. A man who makes you feel valued and cared for without the daily broadcast of his goodness and mercies upon you. A man who treats you well, not just in easy times but when challenges arise. Fynn is a pleasant companion. Every decision or initiative he has taken in these 21 years have been made while considering my needs and wishes.

Image Credit: Chris wade NTEZICIMPA

POPULAR

Contact Us

  • maildmbir@gmail.com

Copyright 2022 David B - All Rights Reserved | Design: Javanet Systems