Isabella: Hello David. I was bitten by a tick which led to me being paralyzed for almost a year. I remember brushing my teeth one morning and could not see my face in the mirror. I started to see visions and was hearing loud noises out of nowhere, I became terrified because I thought I was losing my mind. I did not tell my husband about my deteriorating eyesight, and I doubt he suspected anything, until one Sunday afternoon, I walked past my five-year old son at home without seeing him. Hospital trips followed but the specialists couldn’t diagnose exactly what was happening to me. Let me save the first part of my story here. I will come and continue in few minutes.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Okay!

Isabella: Hi David. I am back.

DBM: Welcome back. What happened next?

Isabella: I lost my hearing and eyesight in the process. The worst happened to me a few weeks later. I woke up one morning and had to hold myself up with my arms. I felt an excruciating pain from the waist down, which left me with very minimal feelings. I was bedridden days later. My husband became my caretaker for weeks and I think he started to get tired of it. He had to go back to work, and I understood that. My mother visited to take over for some time but had to also leave because my sister had given birth. It was her first baby after being married for 9 years. My husband then arranged with a young nurse who was willing to attend to me privately at home every day for a fee. She was the perfect help by all standards. She supported me to live a better and healthier life. Unbeknownst to my blind ass, my husband had made a separate arrangement with the nurse to be staying in our house.

DBM: Wait! At this point, you couldn’t see nor hear, no?

Isabella: Yes, and bedridden. I was being wheeled in a chair.

DBM: Ha!

Isabella: I realized she had been sleeping over because the nurse would be offering round-the-clock care and assistance, sometimes, even at dawn. In the sixth month of my dilemma, I noticed my breasts had become tender around the time I should have been expecting my period. It was confusing but I had seen the signs before. I was technically 4 weeks pregnant. I have a 28-day cycle, and had missed my period. Miraculously, I gained my eyesight and hearing when I became pregnant. The first thing I witnessed that evening was how close my husband and the nurse had built their own trusting relationship. They were kissing, right before my eyes. My son was asleep in his room.

DBM: Oh, my word!

Isabella: The nurse was overjoyed and excited and was discussing her mixed emotions with my husband because she had found out she was also pregnant with his child.

DBM: Ha! How did that make you feel?

Isabella: It was a difficult emotion to embrace. I couldn’t confront them because at first, I thought I was hallucinating. But it was what I was seeing. I kept my cool and continued to pretend I couldn’t see them. In fact, I got to know that they knew each other and were together long before my illness. I saw and heard a lot. I recorded a lot on my phone. Dave, would you want to know the straw that broke the camel’s back?

DBM: This camel, I doubt can take anymore load. What!

Isabella: There were many times at dawn that this nurse would get me out of bed while I’m asleep, and put me in the wheelchair. She moved me across the room to take my place in my matrimonial bed to have sex with my husband. I witnessed a few when I gained my eyesight and hearing.

DBM: I am terribly sorry about that.

Isabella: Don’t be. What would be would be.

DBM: Can you walk now?

Isabella: Yes, thankfully.

DBM: What about the pregnancy?

Isabella: I had my baby girl

DBM: Congratulations!

Isabella: Thanks, Dave.

DBM: You mind me asking how you kept your cool after what you heard and saw?

Isabella: I did not want to be stressed. It’s not healthy for me or my baby. Though I was in shock, I would be breathing in slowly for a count of five, holding my breath, and then pushing it back out for a count of five. That is how I managed to keep my cool.

DBM: I just tried to reverse the circumstances of the main characters of your story in my head. Your husband wouldn’t have survived even a week in your shoes. A lot of you women have had to tolerate so much disrespect and deceit, and have had to extend forgiveness on the daily to men who had vowed to do right by you.

Isabella: I did not waste away in the marriage after getting back on my feet. I divorced him. I had so much proof against them. Videos, audios, pictures. It was exhausting and hurtful. It was draining, being a cogwheel in such an unfortunate-go-round that never seemed to end.

DBM: Do you work?

Isabella: Yes. I returned to my old job. I am the IT Program Manager (Systems and Services Solution Team Lead) for an international organization.

DBM: Good. I thank GOD for your life. You know, not all men are like that!

Isabella: I know, Dave. I don’t hold one man’s actions against all others. No two men are the same.

DBM: It’s rather unfortunate that people would do and say any and everything they feel they’re entitled to, how they want, when they want, without taking a moment to think of the effects their actions and words have on those around them.

Isabella: I am a woman full of love and I had given him every ounce of it from my heart. The least I deserved was to be seen and treated the way I saw and treated him and our son. I deserved respect even when I wasn’t capable of seeing it. He made a choice. I made mine. Life goes on like that.

DBM: Being decent is a superpower because it is hard to want to do the right thing and be a man or woman of integrity.

Isabella: Yes

DBM: Do you miss him?

Isabella: I miss him, but that ship has long sailed. We co-parent our children beautifully, and that’s all I care about for now.

DBM: You have a son. A male child is a father’s favorite puzzle. How are you ensuring he doesn’t grow up to become what you hate?

Isabella: I am teaching my son how to be sensitive and respectful. I am teaching him about self-discipline. I am teaching him how to be compassionate and live it daily. I want him to grow into a man who will make a loving and caring companion. I am teaching him how to be empathetic. I am teaching him about honesty, kindness and hard work. I am helping him to feel secure. He already knows his sense of worth. He also knows he is deeply loved and he’s learning how to acknowledge his own feelings. He knows he’s equipped to express exactly how he’s feeling to us. And I am teaching him to take responsibility for his actions. It will greatly benefit the woman he marries someday. But most importantly, even better for the man he himself becomes.

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