Tag: Love

Let’s Talk To Maame Yaa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 22: My name is Maame Yaa

DBM: Hello Maame Yaa. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Maame Yaa: I am a young woman of faith, with Jesus in my heart. I try to inspire change, lift those around me up, do good and have respect for people. I am a medical doctor by profession, and 32 years of age.

DBM: Want do you want to talk about?

Maame Yaa: My boyfriend is insisting we have sex before marriage. I want to have sex on my wedding night.

DBM: How long have you been dating?

Maame Yaa: We will be three years in February, 2023.

DBM: And has he discussed his plans concerning a future together with you in marriage?

Maame Yaa: Yes, he has.

DBM: When is that going to happen?

Maame Yaa: We’ve not decided on the date.

DBM: Would it be in 2023?

Maame Yaa: I don’t know.

DBM: So, you’re not certain whether or not he is going to marry you any time soon?

Maame Yaa: Yes!

DBM: Are you a virgin?

Maame Yaa: No, I am not.

DBM: Is your boyfriend the one who broke your virginity?

Maame Yaa: No! He is the third guy I have dated.

DBM: You had sex with the first two?

Maame Yaa: Yes!

DBM: Why do you want sex with him on your wedding night?

Maame Yaa: I want to feel in control of my own choices with regards to my body and sexual intimacy. I want to pursue celibacy until I am joined together in holy matrimony to the man who will put a ring on my finger.

DBM: I am assuming your boyfriend is also thinking if he does not explore your sexual flanks, you both may not be able to grow naturally to develop into it. Sexual compatibility, attraction and identity are important things to figure out before marriage.

Maame Yaa: I believe that one’s character is built through waiting. Patience is developed in waiting; faithfulness can also be developed while we wait to have sex after our wedding. I want to be sure we are in love with each other without the complications of any emotional entanglement. If we are each other’s real deal, we will make do regardless.

DBM: Does he know what you like sexually?

Maame Yaa: I have told him mine.

DBM: Do you know what turns him on?

Maame Yaa: He’s spoken about a few.

DBM: So, theoretically, you’re both in the known?

Maame Yaa: Practical examination should be on our wedding night.

DBM: And what if one partner fails the final exam?

Maame Yaa: It wouldn’t be a final exam. We will re-write the paper till we pass.

DBM: Many guys are using their married lives to deal with sex issues, instead of actually enjoying the beauty in marriage. What if you’re not content with what he offers in bed?

Maame Yaa: Marriage, they say is not all about sex.

DBM: I see the quality of a relationship strongly related to sexual satisfaction.

Maame Yaa: I see the quality of a relationship strongly related to the God-factor.

DBM: When was the last time you felt desired, got aroused and ‘wet’; when last did you reach orgasm and did not feel pain?

Maame Yaa: I don’t remember. Maybe, in my past relationships.

DBM: Do you care about what your boyfriend cares about?

Maame Yaa: I do, and I try to be there for him.

DBM: He wants a blow-job, have you given him that?

Maame Yaa: I will give him a blowjob after our wedding.

DBM: Will you be okay if he gets the sex from somewhere else while dedicating all his love to you?

Maame Yaa: I will not be able to cope with infidelity.

DBM: There is no guarantee he is going to be faithful to only you after marriage.

Maame Yaa: If that happens, we will divorce.

DBM: Which is more important to you: your relationship to your faith or that relationship you are building with him?

Maame Yaa: I am holding firm to the beliefs that God has placed deeply in my heart, and I am taking a stand for them – to ensure I know exactly why God stands for them too.

DBM: That’s commendable.

Maame Yaa: Dave, please be honest with me: am I making a mistake with my stance?

DBM: We are all different; what may be important to your boyfriend may not be all that important to you. Again, it all comes down to your strong personal beliefs, your boyfriend’s physical desires and the overall nature of your relationship.

Maame Yaa: I think we have a good relationship.

DBM: That’s good to know. So basically, it’s because you are unmarried, and the fact that, you want to abstain from sex before marriage, no?

Maame Yaa: Yes.

DBM: You are not living with an underlying medical condition, are you?

Maame Yaa: No, I am not.

DBM: And, you do not have a low sex drive, do you?

Maame Yaa: I love sex.

DBM: Good, good… good! You love and value your boyfriend?

Maame Yaa: I do.

DBM: Then know that, him requesting for sex with you could have been an opportunity for him to bond with you on another level; It could have been another opportunity for him to express his love and affection towards you; he probably might have felt more secure in the relationship if you both had been engaging in sex often. It could have also been an opportunity for you both to appreciate the pleasure and fun in the relationship.

Maame Yaa: Do you suggest I give in?

DBM: I am suggesting you marry a man who sees, appreciates and values your self-worth. Do not go to different lengths just for your boyfriend to achieve his sexual goals. That said, make the most out of your love life while sticking to the opinion you have of yourself. I think you’re a wonderful young woman.

Maame Yaa: Thank you, Mr. Dave. I am a fan of your Facebook platform.

DBM: Appreciated!

Image Credit: Fillipe Gomes

Let’s Talk To Yorkow

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 6 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 19: Yorkow

DBM: Hi, Yorkow. Please tell me a little about yourself.

Yorkow: I am HIV+

DBM: Alright! But I would want to know other positive aspects there is to you.

Yorkow: I hold an MBA in Accounting and Finance, a Bachelor of Science in Accounting; I am highly analytical and result driven.

DBM: Okay! How old are you?

Yorkow: 40

DBM: Are you single, dating or married?

Yorkow: Widowed!

DBM: So sorry. How long were you married to your late wife?

Yorkow: 9 years.

DBM: You have children?

Yorkow: Daughter.

DBM: What kind of dad are you to your child?

Yorkow: I am crazy about her, and I love her with all of my heart. She’s smart and beautiful like her mum. I pray for her every day.

DBM: What type of man are you?

Yorkow: I care for myself and take care of all of my needs on my own.

DBM: That’s good to know. Alright, what do you want to talk about?

Yorkow: I am dealing with so much guilt.

DBM: Why is that?

Yorkow: I think I am the reason my wife is dead.

DBM: What makes you say that?

Yorkow: I may have infected her with the virus.

DBM: HIV?

Yorkow: Yes!

DBM: Knowingly or unknowingly?

Yorkow: Unknowingly.

DBM: Yorkow is not your real name, is it?

Yorkow: No!

DBM: Could you have imagined being the one who would hurt your wife through cheating?

Yorkow: Yes!

DBM: How so?

Yorkow: I married a woman I am not sure I loved 100%

DBM: What percentage of love was in you for her?

Yorkow: 35% of friendly love

DBM: You were not in love with her?

Yorkow: No!

DBM: Why did you marry her then?

Yorkow: I had to marry and have children.

DBM: Why did you marry your wife?

Yorkow: I don’t know.

DBM: Did you like her?

Yorkow: Yes! She was my friend, and I cared about her.

DBM: Cared in which way?

Yorkow: I wanted the best for her.

DBM: Were you the best for her?

Yorkow: No!

DBM: So, why did you take that place in her life?

Yorkow: She wasn’t finding the right man. All the guys she dated ended up hurting her feelings.

DBM: And what did you do differently when you took up space in her heart?

Yorkow: I made one of her dreams come true.

DBM: Which was?

Yorkow: Being married, having a baby.

DBM: Did you love the person you were cheating on your wife with?

Yorkow: I did.

DBM: What is her HIV status?

Yorkow: He is a man.

DBM: You’re gay?

Yorkow: Bisexual.

DBM: Which of the sexes are you drawn to the most?

Yorkow: Men.

DBM: What is the man’s HIV status?

Yorkow: +

DBM: Was he the only man you were sleeping with?

Yorkow: Yes!

DBM: Protected sex?

Yorkow: No! We had been together for more than 12 years. I trusted him.

DBM: You two were dating before you married your wife?

Yorkow: Yes.

DBM: And, your wife knew him?

Yorkow: She knew we were close friends.

DBM: Is he also married?

Yorkow: Yes!

DBM: So, he was the one sleeping around?

Yorkow: I suppose so.

DBM: Did he confirm to being with other men?

Yorkow: Yes!

DBM: Did he know about his HIV status, prior to you finding out about yours?

Yorkow: I don’t think so.

DBM: Do you think your wife knew about your relationship with him?

Yorkow: No!

DBM: Is your wife the type that would be unfaithful?

Yorkow: No! She’s a good woman.

DBM: How about your boyfriend’s wife?

Yorkow: I wouldn’t know.

DBM: It is not easy to deal with these feelings of guilt after betrayal, and still live with yourself as if nothing happened.

Yorkow: I feel horrible, and angry, and sad.

DBM: We all make mistakes.

Yorkow: Hmmm!

DBM: Would you want me to recommend a counselor I trust?

Yorkow: No!

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Yorkow: A lot.

DBM: Are you going to be alright?

Yorkow: I don’t know!

DBM: Do you have any support at home with your daughter?

Yorkow: Yes.

DBM: Forgive yourself, Yorkow. There are more positive things in your life to cheer you up; be conscious of those very things and allow yourself to be encouraged by them. And, please do not make that mistake of wasting your energy – trying to live up to, and become what this society expects you to be. You are saying you are attracted to men more; find decent men who like men, and relate to and with them the best way you understand love and affection. That is honesty! Honesty to yourself, and your creator. Only He can understand your true feelings and judge you accordingly.

Yorkow: Okay! I’ve got to work. Thanks!

Image Credit: Mike Jones

These Hoes Ain’t Loyal

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

Hello David,

I am a follower of your Facebook platform, so is my ex-wife. We were married for 7 years, and blessed with a son. I think sometimes you’re a little prejudiced when it comes to men and women on your page. Your conversations are always tailored around men treating their women right. Little is discussed about how women should treat their men. Are we not deserving of being treated right? Or as a man yourself, you mean to say your feelings aren’t that worth appreciating?

My ex-wife was so focused on herself and needs in our marriage, my own emotions and needs were placed on the sideline. She did not understand how to treat me right as her man. To the rest of the world, I was the monster making her unhappy in our marriage; but tell me Dave, which man in his right senses will be empowered to do more than the usual for a wife who refuses to put in the effort into making her man happy?

Things were okay between us in the beginning years of our marriage until I lost my job. And I pray no married man ever loses his job in this Ghana, and ends up relying on his wife; your marriage will break up. My experience wasn’t even a flat-out-firing. I was downsized, and I lost more than just my paycheck; I lost my wife’s genuine respect for my well-being. Trust me when I tell you these hoes ain’t loyal. Many of them marry men for their paychecks and employment statuses; love is just a word on their lips.

My wife stopped seeing and trusting the fact that I was working hard to find work; she stopped seeing the embarrassment I felt for being unemployed. Her expectations of me shifted; her usual routines at home suddenly changed, not because money was tight, but because I was depending on her to hold the family down. For the first time in our relationship, we weren’t on the same page with money, all because I was unemployed. Unfortunately for me, another man with a better job rather got my wife’s 100% attention, care and pampering. The very things I craved for because I thought the “I do” in our vows mandated our marriage to be my source of strength in times like these. But no, another man enjoyed my wife’s support and encouragement; he profited from my wife’s resourcefulness.

I became emotionally troubled – I missed out on a lot happening around me in my own home. In all honesty Mr. David, I wasn’t asking for much; I just wanted her kindness and compassion, that was why I had to recoup into taking two steps forward and one step back on my journey to maintaining a healthy marriage. While I tried to get our connection back to where it used to be, my wife was taking one step forward and four steps back. She was in love with someone else. She manipulated my feelings, tried also to guilt-trip me, and worst of it all – when I made a little mistake, my ex-wife would catalog all of my errors from 1952 with an elongated monologue.

When I forbade her from pursuing another love interest with her current husband, my ex-wife took up a voluntary total fasting exercise, starving herself almost to death. She would cook for me and our child, but refuse to eat. This continued for more than three months. She lost so much weight and grew lean, it was scary. I don’t know the story she was selling to family and friends because they all started believing she was suffering from battery and abuse. She wouldn’t answer the phone calls of her family and friends; she stopped going to work, and as a result, lost her job. Outsiders started vising our home unannounced, and at odd times to check on her. She told her siblings and best friend that I had isolated her from her family and friends, psychologically beaten her down and was physically threatening her. The day I heard her mother tell her she deserved to live free of fear, she filed for divorce. Three weeks after our separation, she started putting on weight again.

Image Credit: Karolina Grabowska

POINT OF CONTACT

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 16 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 16: Timo.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

TIMO: I am 49 years old, a husband and a father. My approach to life and my marriage is that, whatever I do affects people’s feelings, and so I try to act accordingly. I do not skulk around to always do the right thing; what I am saying is, every decision I make now is strictly based on the fact that, the people around me also have feelings, and just as I think my needs matter, people and their needs are equally important.

DBM: How long have you been married?

TIMO: 16 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

TIMO: I wasn’t looking for much: I wanted a woman who loved and respected herself and others, had a good grasp of common sense, and could deserve my trust. I wanted a woman who could trust me to discuss anything with me. My mother is my role model in a sense, because she has her own life, interests and friends. I am attracted to such independent ladies who can do well all by themselves. My wife fit into all that.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

TIMO: My wife was a single parent when we met. I had been invited to her son’s school to give a talk. Her son asked very intelligent questions and follow-up questions, I took a special interest in him. The reason why I wanted to mentor him was because I could see myself in him. After the seminar, this nine-year old kid tugged at my sleeve impatiently, smiling, “Excuse me Uncle Timothy, can I say something?” he said, “I think you will like my mother, she’s just like you.”. Oh, during my presentation at the seminar, I think I said something about me being single, etc. He gave me his mother’s phone number and asked me for mine. I gave him my card. I called his mother the moment I sat in my car to discuss her intelligent son.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

TIMO: My wife is my best friend, and this friendship has been built in a matter of time and practice. We practice how to like each other intentionally, everyday; making each other laugh, being goofy sometimes, enjoying each other’s company and making what we have a priority.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

TIMO: Yesterday evening. I was farting under the sheet so bad; she went to boil eggs to eat. I had to move out of the bedroom to breathe again in the hall.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

TIMO: I went to pick my son (her child) from school one time because she had meetings running late, and he mentioned to me in the car their prayer topic the night before. It was about me! Mother and son both realized how much they liked me and had to pray about it. Caleb told me about how his mother was emotional and crying while praying about me and what I meant to them. When he asked me if I could be his father, I stopped the car. His request touched me to the core because his biological father lives. It was at that point that I knew I needed to guide him to become the best any young boy could become: empathetic, compassionate and being contented with his vulnerability. He was the point of contact to my true feelings for his mother.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

TIMO: My wife is the best and most attractive version of herself. She put effort into her wardrobe and wears clothing that makes her feel good and sexy. Inside and out, she’s the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

TIMO: I listen with the intention of understanding her. I always put in the time to find out why what she’s talking about is important to her. She does same with me; she makes me feel like she gets me as a person, on a much deeper level.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

TIMO: She’s doing excellently well as my wife and mother to the children. I am happy so far.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

TIMO: I take you to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

TIMO: Being lovers and parents is the most fun had. As lovers, we explore by going outside our comfort zone; we push the boundaries, take risks, and plan fun sexual activities together. We date each other again every month without the children. We do movies, dinner, walk on the beach holding hands, things like that. The most fun for me is when my wife makes all my decisions for me on the day of my birth. My wife was born on a Thursday; so, every Thursday, for the past 16 years, I have been the one choosing her wardrobe for work, the food to eat, which side of the bed to sleep, the type of sex I want, what she has to do to please me, etc. And, we have fun with it. She’s always excited when it’s a Sunday, because she takes her turn on me.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

TIMO: I have never loved anyone as much as I love my wife. She’s my dream come true.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

TIMO: I trust my wife with all of my heart.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

TIMO: My first priority is my wife. I make time for her all the time.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

TIMO: Yes! I am emotionally catered for, and she makes me feel good.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

TIMO: Very secure in my marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

TIMO: Still doing each other and not getting tired of it.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

TIMO: Touching, kissing, and more of oral sex. We prolong our foreplay because it improves our sexual experience. With my wife, I do not need an erection to please her; clitoral stimulation gives her the best orgasm, so I focus on that more. I have my turn when she’s happily breathing and smiling beside me. We talk during the day about our sexual fantasies and it makes sex more exciting when we’re together having it.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

TIMO: 7/10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

TIMO: I feel most loved when my wife hugs me randomly, kisses me out of the blue, smiles at me for no reason; explicitly offers gratitude for the little things I do for the house and for her. Whenever she praises me, I feel I am loved; and when she dresses or acts seductively to sexually connect with me.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

TIMO: I am loved well, yes!

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

TIMO: I am a good husband.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

TIMO: No! But I have been tempted to a few times. I couldn’t pursue it because it’s not worth hurting my wife over.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

TIMO: My dear wife, thank you for making me feel brand new. Thank you for liking me; thank you for respecting me; thank you for finding me attractive. You have accepted and prized me for all that I am. I will continue to treat you the way YOU want to be treated.

Image Credit: Anete Lusina

CUT MYSELF SOME SLACK

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

I used to think my wife was the most difficult person on earth to love. I thought this way because the first time I saw her, she was screaming at her staff. I knew a friend who worked for her and he had categorically told me she was a bitch; unkind, annoying and controlling. From the first day I met her, I could tell she wasn’t anybody’s favorite at the office. I was at her office because my friend had informed me about her relationship status; she was single. And Dave, I was quite a catch back in the day, ‘ladies’ man’ and all… Lol! So, the plan was for me to come in a professional capacity (I am an architect) to discuss a potential business partnership, go the extra mile to become friendly, win her heart, use and then, dump her.

My friend and his three other colleagues at the office had it all planned for me. They had an office project to execute and they were going to propose the name of my company to her for consideration for the job. My office got a call to meet with their team for further discussions. My wife once told me that, the first time we met at her office, she thought I was so handsome, and the way I looked and smiled at her, she thought she would lose herself in me. That was my wife’s observations about me. When our eyes first met, Dave, you wouldn’t believe this but my heart pounded; yes, Mr. Playboy’s heart felt like it would burst.

I wasn’t thinking about the plan with the boys; I wasn’t thinking about the potential business partnership, which made my business a lot of money; I wasn’t thinking about how rude she was to her staff; I was swept off my meet when I had the opportunity to sit across her table in her office. I was never a believer of ‘Love at first sight’ but I fell in love with her in her office. There was a connection of a sort when our eyes met. I can’t explain it but it was what it was.

We talked business and wrapped things off. I asked for her number and she gave it. When I got back to my office, I called my friend to lie about what had transpired. They believed we were still on course. Two dates later, I was convinced I had made the right decision. My friend found himself another job two years later, and I married my wife a year after my friend had left her company.

I think what made my wife lovable was because I CHOSE to LOVE her. It had absolutely nothing to do with who she was (according to other people’s experiences with her at the office – which obviously wasn’t great) but my capacity to want to know her for myself and like her according to my own understanding of her as a person. My wife is a great woman, very hard working and it didn’t feel right to plot with my friend to hurt her. I was willing to choose love instead of giving in to someone else’s hatred and anger.

We’ve been married for 12 years, and my unconditional love has come from a place of decision. It’s not been all rosy; she’s gotten under my skin and nerves many times. There was a time she wanted a divorce because she didn’t think she loved me anymore. I love her, and I was going to love her even if she didn’t love me back, and there was nothing she could do about it. She naaa found her love back for me. I chose to like her; I chose to forgive her on behalf of my friend and his colleagues; I chose to be nice to her; I chose to do right by her; I chose to respect her; I chose to be her friend. I was a total foolish package myself in the day, and I learned how to cut myself some slack. I had to nurture the good within in order to find the good in her, and trust me, there is so much good in my wife.

At this moment, there is no looking back, no second thoughts, and no regrets.

Image Credit: Polina Tankilevitch

GO GET ‘em’, MOMMA

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

Dave,

I do not regret having children. I do not regret being my husband’s wife. I am only sad that I allowed pregnancy and motherhood to become the alter at which I had to sacrifice my personal goals and dreams. We were both pursuing further studies when we got pregnant. I wanted an abortion but he insisted we had the baby. We agreed I would continue with my studies after our child turned one. Meanwhile, he continued with his life uninterrupted. When our daughter turned one, he asked me to marry him, which I did. I got pregnant again, and we talked about it. I carried the pregnancy to term, had our son and then decided to go back to school. He had returned to Ghana by this time.

My husband has a good job; the children love him. He adores his children. Now, it’s my turn to chase after my dreams and my husband is claiming the kids are too young to be left alone. He made a promise to finance my education whenever I decide to continue; I made the decision but he wasn’t convinced it was the right time for me. For four years, I have devoted my all to being the best parent. My identity was consumed by motherhood till an ex-boyfriend offered to sponsor my master’s degree. My husband wasn’t ready to, so when my ex (who knows me very well) suggested I applied, and that, he was ready to fund it, I did.

Mind you, my ex-boyfriend is married with kids. He stays in New York and I am in New York, schooling. Aside our friendship, and him being my sponsor, there is nothing else going on between us. My husband and his family suddenly do not believe two adults of the opposite sex can be good friends. They want me to return to Ghana and resume my role as a wife and mother. They are not considering the fact that I will be abandoning myself and aspirations. My husband also reached out to my ex to ask him to stop paying my fees. He didn’t ask him to stop so he can take responsibility. He’s just asking him to stop. My friend informed me, and I told him not to mind my husband. My husband is not answering my calls or responding to my messages. Why should marriage put my passions on hold? Dave, I love my husband; I miss my children, but I am so much more than just being a ‘perfect’ wife and mother.

Image Credits: RF._.studio

PERFECT MATCH

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 14: I want to be known as Kwam.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

KWAM: I believe I am well-mannered; I learn from everything; I am generous with my time, I am positive minded, I like helping others, I respect the opinions of others; I have a strong work ethic, I am friendly and can humor myself; I am confident and well-spoken and just an everyday guy.

DBM: How long have you been married?

KWAM: We will be doing 16 years in October.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

KWAM: I wasn’t looking for much, just a woman who practices good hygiene, knows how to dress and talk, and carry herself well.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

KWAM: I was on my third date with her close friend. Her friend wanted that date to be at my house. She wanted to eat a home cooked meal. Doorbell rings and it was my wife. She had a letter in her hand for me from my date. She suggested her friend (my wife) would be the perfect match for me. It was awkward at first but it worked out.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

KWAM: No! My wife’s friend (the former second date) is my best friend. My wife is my closest friend. A healthy friendship developed between me and my wife and it has made a whole lot of difference in our lives.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

KWAM: I asked her to marry me and she did not believe my proposal for two years. I was thinking she didn’t like me as much, but it turned out she wasn’t sure whether or not I was serious about marrying her.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

KWAM: Before she left my house after our first dinner meeting, I realized she’s frank and did not hide her feelings. She was also a good listener and she listened to me with interest; that was when I knew.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

KWAM: My wife is very attractive to me physically. I affirm her beauty whenever I see her. I am the best place my wife should feel needed, wanted, accepted loved and appreciated. When I look into my wife’s eyes, I am not in a hurry to look away.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

KWAM: I am always striving to understand my wife when we are in a deeper conversation. I pay attention to her during a conversation.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

KWAM: She’s a good wife. She knows we both come from two different upbringings and backgrounds, and that, I am my own individual, with flaws and any other mess. She respects our individual differences, so do I.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

KWAM: Till death…

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

KWAM: Most fun would be road trips with her.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

KWAM: I love my wife deeply every day. My love for her doesn’t swing.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

KWAM: I trust my wife. She has integrity.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

KWAM: I am close to my wife even when I am busy. I call, text, email and video call all the time. When we are physically together, I am with her in the kitchen chitchatting, we spend time together as a family and alone, etc.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

KWAM: My wife is my safest emotional connection.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

KWAM: I will do this marriage with her over again, any day. Our love is deep, strong and genuine.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

KWAM: Still married and spending more time together.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

KWAM: 14 times in a week. I like it in the mornings and evenings.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

KWAM: 5 out of 10. My desire for sex stays high but her appetite isn’t as high. I am patient with her though, as I try to meet her needs before my own.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

KWAM: I know I love my wife when I watch how I speak to her. I do not belittle, hurt, disrespect, humiliate or harm her in any way, be it in private or public.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

KWAM: She’s loving me well. My wife is very concerned about me too.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

KWAM: I am a good husband to her.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

KWAM: Not yet.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

KWAM: Kwamyere, you have given me space to pursue what interests me. You have been a woman of your word and have followed through with your commitment at whatever cost. The wonderful woman you have grown to become has been a matter of time, age and experience; being my wife was a choice you made. I will continue to help you at home with the responsibilities; your problems will be my problems so we can continue to spread the weight of it evenly; I am sure of my love for you because my heart beats for you alone. You have made me the happiest man I could have ever imagined for myself. It’s a privilege to love you, it’s a privilege to laugh and cry with you. It’s a privilege to care for you; it’s a privilege to raise our children with you. It’s a privilege to share my life with you, run to you, talk to you, feel for you and be with you. It’s a privilege to give you me, every day, for the rest of our lives together.

Image Credit: Any Lane 

HUMBLING TO SAY THE LEAST

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 13: Ama.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

AMA: I take very good care of myself; I dress well, eat well, smell good: I am my own existence – I don’t expect another person to make me feel alive. I’m alive! I work hard, play hard, I am trusting and honest about my feelings.

DBM: How long have you been married?

AMA: For 10 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

AMA: A guy who is emotionally mature, enamored about me and is interested in my opinion. A guy who accepts me for who I am, provides for himself, lives on his own and can cook. A considerate and compassionate man, a man who isn’t overbearing, a positive influence on me. My husband fits all that.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

AMA: He found a letter I had thrown away somewhere and decided to call my number. The letter had my contact details. We became friends and I found him to be honorable. However, I was the ‘other woman’ and I didn’t know. He had told me he was divorced.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

AMA: He is my best friend; however, we do not spend all of our free time together. I believe in spending quality time with myself, away from my husband – to expand on my own self-growth. Before we married, he knew this about me so he has learned to do same.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

AMA: Dave, I am a happy person oo, so a lot of the things I do around him makes him laugh. He cheers up at the sight of me. And I make it a point not to stress or burden him.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

AMA: When I found out that he wasn’t legally divorced, I ended things between us. His wife called me to explain the nature of their relationship. She confessed to being the one giving him a tough time in court. But confirmed that they have not been together for two years, and she wasn’t in love with him. I asked her why they were getting divorced and she said, he wasn’t the man meant to make her happy – though he is a wonderful guy. She asked me not to break things off between us if I loved him. How did the ex-wife get my number? He gave it to her to explain things to me because he was in love with me. That was when I knew. Also, his wife didn’t say anything bad about his character as man.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

AMA: Unless me and him have clearly agreed upon entering into a polyamorous relationship, he will be the only man I will be romantic and sexual with. Attractive he will be to me, no matter what.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

AMA: I listen to completely understand him.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

AMA: My husband is doing very well in his department. He does things for me naaa to know that he cares about me. He also pays attention to my needs, just as I do with him. Dave, my husband walks me to the car every morning to kiss me good bye, before going to work. We both work long hours but he makes me feel his presence in my life. I only feel his distance when he is troubled and wants to be alone. Even that, he would walk me to my car to kiss me goodbye.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

AMA: To love and to hold.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

AMA: When we take a walk out alone. We talk about a lot of funny, crazy things. I check men out on the street and size them to his hearing. He finds that attitude fun.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

AMA: I am enjoying my husband a lot.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

AMA: Unfortunately, no! No because you can’t truly trust any person. I believe in him and what he says to me, but my trust and hope is solely in God.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

AMA: We understand our routine and make the most out of each day when we are together.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

AMA: Yes!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

AMA: The marriage has been good for me so far. I don’t accept bad behavior of any sort. My husband respects me because he knows he may not get away with anything – like cheating, etc. I will divorce him. Before we married, I laid my cards on the table: do unto me that you would want done unto you. It’s that simple.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

AMA: Celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

AMA: Dave, I love foreplay waaaa, because it allows our sexual act to last longer. I take control during sex. My husband used to be very shy and so I was always taking the initiative. It’s now become something I enjoy doing with him. I enjoy oral sex for the stimuli (I am more of a clitorial person). Also, when I wrap my legs around him. We are emotionally intimate and connect with our eyes and hand-holding. My husband is open to explore all forms of sexual pleasure with me, so that’s really good.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

AMA: I will give him 8, because we can do better.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

AMA: Being content with the good that God has given me in my husband, and setting aside the unnecessary expectations of him. Love is loving him in the good and bad times; love is doing my best to be at peace with myself and him. Love is believing in the fact that – things will eventually get better between us. Love is being honest and true to myself and my husband.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

AMA: My husband is not openly that expressive but the little things he does for me shows how much he cares about me. So, yes, I am feeling loved in my marriage.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

AMA: I believe I am.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

AMA: No! I am content with my husband. Contentment for a spouse can be a cure for the little things that come between two people in a relationship.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

AMA: Pee, of all the people you have met and connected with, you chose me to spend the rest of your remaining life with. It’s humbling to say the least, because I chose you too. I will be there for you when you need a friend. I will support you when you need a helping hand. Thank you for loving me good.

Image Credit: Gift Habeshaw

MY EWE SYRUP

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 12: Would love to use Vicky.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

VICKY: Well, I am 34yrs of age and a business woman. I am a lovely lady and I care very much about people, especially the needy. I am a very private person. I don’t easily forgive wrong doings, thus my reason for always ensuring I am in my lane😂(I am still working on myself).

DBM: How long have you been married?

VICKY: I have been married for 9yrs.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

VICKY: Dave, I am chubby in person😄, and so I always admire the slim and not too tall type of men. I am glad I got exactly as I wanted.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

VICKY: Hmmm! Very interesting one there😄. I used to read one newspaper called (Ebony) in the early 2000s. And there was a particular story that we followed all the time for updates; just after every episode you can choose to write comments by posting it through the Post office; in a week’s time your comments got published. I happen to post mine together with my email address and phone number. Phone those days weren’t in use much, and so email was most times the tool for easy communication. My husband, then an unknown friend, fell in love with my name (tribe). Our friendship started from Yahoo mail in a matter of four good years before we met face to face. We married within nine months after we met.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

VICKY: Not really, especially at the first six years of our marriage, but now I can say yes! I have learned to trust him, though at times because of his judgmental attitude I switch, but then, I am still on it. It’s better.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

VICKY: He becomes very excited when I see different ladies with back and front loads, and I prompt him to take a glance, (he can’t pretend ooo)

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

VICKY: I wasn’t certain about him at first – because he rescued me from a broken heart, even though he had no idea about that past. I decided to marry him to shame my ex. I remember I couldn’t control my tears on my wedding day, in which the witnesses present misunderstood to be tears of joy, but trust me, it wasn’t.

I thought of the regret but we move la. My husband’s intelligence, smartness and faithful love towards me, when I had a miscarriage for the first time in our marriage, followed by a stillbirth of an eight months old pregnancy, and later had premature twins etc. This man stood by me in all the odds; that was when I realized I had gotten 99% types of a good man. I then sat down one day and accessed myself, and left the past behind me. Since then, I have given my all to this marriage.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

VICKY: Yes, very well! His style of dressing, his neatness and above all, his very energetic nature in bed😂. (You can’t joke with Ewe men)

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

VICKY: I do listen to understand but as I said, his judgement on issues sometimes puts me off. Though I know he is very mature in mind, and some of the issues he addresses to are true, I try not to get all worked up, and so I overlook certain things just to grant him an audience.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

VICKY: He is perfect! He is good in all aspects of life, and I like the intellectual aspects of him too. My husband is a very responsible family man.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

VICKY: To love and to hold, till death.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

VICKY: When we go for outings, especially far away from home.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

VICKY: Yes! Very well (especially for the past 4yrs)

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

VICKY: Yes! 98%.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

VICKY: Mostly, when he is at home; but these days I realize that quality time to be spent is fading gradually, because of the phone. I work with my phone most of the times and I wish he could understand me a little bit.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

VICKY: For now Yes.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

VICKY: Dave! Yes 💯%

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

VICKY: Growing stronger and healthier, and always advising our three boys on life issues.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

VICKY: Dave, I will be the happiest woman on earth the day I will reach that thing called orgasm 😂 Not that he is not good in bed ooo, we do explore various types of sex but still… I asked my mum and only sister about it, and they said same. I then proceeded to see a doctor and upon a series of tests, they came to the conclusion of it probably being a genetic issue. I was raped at a very tender age, and I learnt it could also be a factor.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

VICKY: 9/10. Hoping for the best.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

VICKY: Sacrificing for each other, being committed, and also listening to your partner without making him or her feel less in any way.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

VICKY: Very well! He also tries his best to put a smile on my face, and I hope things will turn out good soon.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

VICKY: Yes! I am really trying my best, Dave.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

VICKY: Never! It is something I will find very difficult to forgive, if he’s to cheat on me. And so, I promised never to try it at all.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

VICKY: My Chipolonpolon husband,

I have grown to love you now. I can’t live without you these days; kindly trust and believe in me. Everything will be fine. I am a work in progress wai. Stay healthy for me and stop catching BP. My body and soul are all for you. Happy yourself, na life is too short to be thinking of   unnecessary issues.

Image Credit: Mike Jones

IT WORKS FOR ME

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 5 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 11: Address me as Ruth.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

RUTH: I am fun to be around and I am fearless; I have never been afraid to stand out. I am strong, very bold and confident; I am a woman with high expectations, self-reliant and I speak my mind a lot.

DBM: How long have you been married?

RUTH: I have been married to my husband for eight to nine years. But I have been in a relationship with Joel for 12 years. Joel is the love of my life, though not my husband.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

RUTH: My perfect type of man is Joel; he is very supportive and can almost handle me on his own. He is secure and allows me to be myself in all situations. Joel is smart, has good intentions towards people; an excellent communicator, very friendly, has a good sense of humor; he is a gentleman and is always motivating me to become the best of me. I find Joel to be ‘the one’ because his world does not revolve around me; he is ambitious and is always pursuing towards his own passion.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

RUTH: I needed to take a professional picture for a project. A friend recommended her friend but when I called the photographer’s number, his brother answered the call. Joel told me his brother had traveled. I needed to take the picture asap, and so I pleaded with Joel. He told me he could manage to take a shot, though he wasn’t sure it was going to be anything better. I agreed and we met. For my husband, we met at the airport. We were both on the same flight to Ghana, from Heathrow Airport.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

RUTH: I consider my husband a friend; Joel is my best friend.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

RUTH: Joel is the type you would call an Alpha male but anytime he sets his eyes on me, he starts to laugh. He says when he thinks about me, a smile draws on his face. For my husband, he laughs his best when he is chasing me around the house. When he needs something from me, and I refuse to give it, he chases me and would be throwing pillows at me and laughing like crazy.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

RUTH: I did not marry Joel because he cannot have children. I wanted kids and so we talked about it, and he agreed I had one with someone else. I did not want to have kids outside marriage, and so I found the guy who could understand that my heart belonged to Joel. My husband was willing to share and respect my decision. That was when I knew he was the one to marry and parent with. I knew Joel was the one for me when he gave me permission to be with someone else.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

RUTH: My husband is very sexy. Joel is an attractive hunk. Both men are not afraid to show their emotions; they are not afraid to cry, and they’re both real with me. But there is something about Joel that’s not ordinary. No matter how I try to explain it, I cannot seem to get him off my mind.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

RUTH: I listen to understand all that Joel tries to bring to my attention. For my husband, I am not sure but we talk about issues as and when.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

RUTH: My husband is doing his best in the office of a husband and father to our children. I will score him 7/10.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

RUTH: My love for you should be able to withstand your flaws, all of your imperfections and shortcomings. I love you because I value the good in you.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

RUTH: Sex is the most fun I have when I am with Joel or my husband. We explore a lot by seeking to understand our sexual preferences. Both men know what I really like, and I know what excites them also. Joel loves to watch me self-explore in his presence till I achieve sexual pleasure, before touching me. He wants me to know my body and get comfortable with being naked. We laugh a lot whenever I discover a new gratifying spot on my body.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

RUTH: I love my husband. The only problem is every now and then, I question whether or not he is serious about me, knowing very well they are two men in my life.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

RUTH: I do not trust my husband. I do not trust Joel. I do not trust myself.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

RUTH: As much time as possible when it’s his turn. I have a timetable for both men and I give my 100% to each person when it’s their turn.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

RUTH: Yes! Both guys are emotionally available to me and mature about it.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

RUTH: Somewhat!

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

RUTH: Hopefully, married and peacefully scheduling between him and Joel.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

RUTH: The most important relationship in my life is the affair I have with myself. When I stand in front of the mirror and focus on my voluptuous hips, full breasts and shaved vagina; when I look in the side of the mirror and catch my husband or Joel feasting their hungry eyes on me, licking their lips while I slowly dance and masturbate to please myself… throwing my hands about, etc.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

RUTH: Hubby: 7.5/10. Joel: 10.5/10

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

RUTH: Love means knowing my worth and not settling for anything lesser than I deserve; love is taking charge of my own happiness and not blaming anyone for my own mistakes; love is knowing what you want and not compromising just for anything; love is being at peace with every decision you make and trusting that you made it for your own good. Love is sharing.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

RUTH: Yes!

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

RUTH: I am a good wife to my husband. I am a good girlfriend to Joel.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

RUTH: No! They both agreed to being the men in my life.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

RUTH: Dear husband, THANK YOU very much! Joel, you support my endeavors and you call to check on me all the time. You tell me you love me every day; you show respect to me and my husband; you buy things for me, my husband and the children. THANK YOU very much!

Image Credit: Annushka Ahuja

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