Tag: Love

CUT MYSELF SOME SLACK

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

I used to think my wife was the most difficult person on earth to love. I thought this way because the first time I saw her, she was screaming at her staff. I knew a friend who worked for her and he had categorically told me she was a bitch; unkind, annoying and controlling. From the first day I met her, I could tell she wasn’t anybody’s favorite at the office. I was at her office because my friend had informed me about her relationship status; she was single. And Dave, I was quite a catch back in the day, ‘ladies’ man’ and all… Lol! So, the plan was for me to come in a professional capacity (I am an architect) to discuss a potential business partnership, go the extra mile to become friendly, win her heart, use and then, dump her.

My friend and his three other colleagues at the office had it all planned for me. They had an office project to execute and they were going to propose the name of my company to her for consideration for the job. My office got a call to meet with their team for further discussions. My wife once told me that, the first time we met at her office, she thought I was so handsome, and the way I looked and smiled at her, she thought she would lose herself in me. That was my wife’s observations about me. When our eyes first met, Dave, you wouldn’t believe this but my heart pounded; yes, Mr. Playboy’s heart felt like it would burst.

I wasn’t thinking about the plan with the boys; I wasn’t thinking about the potential business partnership, which made my business a lot of money; I wasn’t thinking about how rude she was to her staff; I was swept off my meet when I had the opportunity to sit across her table in her office. I was never a believer of ‘Love at first sight’ but I fell in love with her in her office. There was a connection of a sort when our eyes met. I can’t explain it but it was what it was.

We talked business and wrapped things off. I asked for her number and she gave it. When I got back to my office, I called my friend to lie about what had transpired. They believed we were still on course. Two dates later, I was convinced I had made the right decision. My friend found himself another job two years later, and I married my wife a year after my friend had left her company.

I think what made my wife lovable was because I CHOSE to LOVE her. It had absolutely nothing to do with who she was (according to other people’s experiences with her at the office – which obviously wasn’t great) but my capacity to want to know her for myself and like her according to my own understanding of her as a person. My wife is a great woman, very hard working and it didn’t feel right to plot with my friend to hurt her. I was willing to choose love instead of giving in to someone else’s hatred and anger.

We’ve been married for 12 years, and my unconditional love has come from a place of decision. It’s not been all rosy; she’s gotten under my skin and nerves many times. There was a time she wanted a divorce because she didn’t think she loved me anymore. I love her, and I was going to love her even if she didn’t love me back, and there was nothing she could do about it. She naaa found her love back for me. I chose to like her; I chose to forgive her on behalf of my friend and his colleagues; I chose to be nice to her; I chose to do right by her; I chose to respect her; I chose to be her friend. I was a total foolish package myself in the day, and I learned how to cut myself some slack. I had to nurture the good within in order to find the good in her, and trust me, there is so much good in my wife.

At this moment, there is no looking back, no second thoughts, and no regrets.

Image Credit: Polina Tankilevitch

GO GET ‘em’, MOMMA

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

Dave,

I do not regret having children. I do not regret being my husband’s wife. I am only sad that I allowed pregnancy and motherhood to become the alter at which I had to sacrifice my personal goals and dreams. We were both pursuing further studies when we got pregnant. I wanted an abortion but he insisted we had the baby. We agreed I would continue with my studies after our child turned one. Meanwhile, he continued with his life uninterrupted. When our daughter turned one, he asked me to marry him, which I did. I got pregnant again, and we talked about it. I carried the pregnancy to term, had our son and then decided to go back to school. He had returned to Ghana by this time.

My husband has a good job; the children love him. He adores his children. Now, it’s my turn to chase after my dreams and my husband is claiming the kids are too young to be left alone. He made a promise to finance my education whenever I decide to continue; I made the decision but he wasn’t convinced it was the right time for me. For four years, I have devoted my all to being the best parent. My identity was consumed by motherhood till an ex-boyfriend offered to sponsor my master’s degree. My husband wasn’t ready to, so when my ex (who knows me very well) suggested I applied, and that, he was ready to fund it, I did.

Mind you, my ex-boyfriend is married with kids. He stays in New York and I am in New York, schooling. Aside our friendship, and him being my sponsor, there is nothing else going on between us. My husband and his family suddenly do not believe two adults of the opposite sex can be good friends. They want me to return to Ghana and resume my role as a wife and mother. They are not considering the fact that I will be abandoning myself and aspirations. My husband also reached out to my ex to ask him to stop paying my fees. He didn’t ask him to stop so he can take responsibility. He’s just asking him to stop. My friend informed me, and I told him not to mind my husband. My husband is not answering my calls or responding to my messages. Why should marriage put my passions on hold? Dave, I love my husband; I miss my children, but I am so much more than just being a ‘perfect’ wife and mother.

Image Credits: RF._.studio

PERFECT MATCH

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 14: I want to be known as Kwam.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

KWAM: I believe I am well-mannered; I learn from everything; I am generous with my time, I am positive minded, I like helping others, I respect the opinions of others; I have a strong work ethic, I am friendly and can humor myself; I am confident and well-spoken and just an everyday guy.

DBM: How long have you been married?

KWAM: We will be doing 16 years in October.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

KWAM: I wasn’t looking for much, just a woman who practices good hygiene, knows how to dress and talk, and carry herself well.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

KWAM: I was on my third date with her close friend. Her friend wanted that date to be at my house. She wanted to eat a home cooked meal. Doorbell rings and it was my wife. She had a letter in her hand for me from my date. She suggested her friend (my wife) would be the perfect match for me. It was awkward at first but it worked out.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

KWAM: No! My wife’s friend (the former second date) is my best friend. My wife is my closest friend. A healthy friendship developed between me and my wife and it has made a whole lot of difference in our lives.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

KWAM: I asked her to marry me and she did not believe my proposal for two years. I was thinking she didn’t like me as much, but it turned out she wasn’t sure whether or not I was serious about marrying her.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

KWAM: Before she left my house after our first dinner meeting, I realized she’s frank and did not hide her feelings. She was also a good listener and she listened to me with interest; that was when I knew.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

KWAM: My wife is very attractive to me physically. I affirm her beauty whenever I see her. I am the best place my wife should feel needed, wanted, accepted loved and appreciated. When I look into my wife’s eyes, I am not in a hurry to look away.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

KWAM: I am always striving to understand my wife when we are in a deeper conversation. I pay attention to her during a conversation.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

KWAM: She’s a good wife. She knows we both come from two different upbringings and backgrounds, and that, I am my own individual, with flaws and any other mess. She respects our individual differences, so do I.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

KWAM: Till death…

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

KWAM: Most fun would be road trips with her.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

KWAM: I love my wife deeply every day. My love for her doesn’t swing.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

KWAM: I trust my wife. She has integrity.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

KWAM: I am close to my wife even when I am busy. I call, text, email and video call all the time. When we are physically together, I am with her in the kitchen chitchatting, we spend time together as a family and alone, etc.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

KWAM: My wife is my safest emotional connection.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

KWAM: I will do this marriage with her over again, any day. Our love is deep, strong and genuine.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

KWAM: Still married and spending more time together.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

KWAM: 14 times in a week. I like it in the mornings and evenings.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

KWAM: 5 out of 10. My desire for sex stays high but her appetite isn’t as high. I am patient with her though, as I try to meet her needs before my own.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

KWAM: I know I love my wife when I watch how I speak to her. I do not belittle, hurt, disrespect, humiliate or harm her in any way, be it in private or public.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

KWAM: She’s loving me well. My wife is very concerned about me too.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

KWAM: I am a good husband to her.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

KWAM: Not yet.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

KWAM: Kwamyere, you have given me space to pursue what interests me. You have been a woman of your word and have followed through with your commitment at whatever cost. The wonderful woman you have grown to become has been a matter of time, age and experience; being my wife was a choice you made. I will continue to help you at home with the responsibilities; your problems will be my problems so we can continue to spread the weight of it evenly; I am sure of my love for you because my heart beats for you alone. You have made me the happiest man I could have ever imagined for myself. It’s a privilege to love you, it’s a privilege to laugh and cry with you. It’s a privilege to care for you; it’s a privilege to raise our children with you. It’s a privilege to share my life with you, run to you, talk to you, feel for you and be with you. It’s a privilege to give you me, every day, for the rest of our lives together.

Image Credit: Any Lane 

HUMBLING TO SAY THE LEAST

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 13: Ama.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

AMA: I take very good care of myself; I dress well, eat well, smell good: I am my own existence – I don’t expect another person to make me feel alive. I’m alive! I work hard, play hard, I am trusting and honest about my feelings.

DBM: How long have you been married?

AMA: For 10 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

AMA: A guy who is emotionally mature, enamored about me and is interested in my opinion. A guy who accepts me for who I am, provides for himself, lives on his own and can cook. A considerate and compassionate man, a man who isn’t overbearing, a positive influence on me. My husband fits all that.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

AMA: He found a letter I had thrown away somewhere and decided to call my number. The letter had my contact details. We became friends and I found him to be honorable. However, I was the ‘other woman’ and I didn’t know. He had told me he was divorced.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

AMA: He is my best friend; however, we do not spend all of our free time together. I believe in spending quality time with myself, away from my husband – to expand on my own self-growth. Before we married, he knew this about me so he has learned to do same.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

AMA: Dave, I am a happy person oo, so a lot of the things I do around him makes him laugh. He cheers up at the sight of me. And I make it a point not to stress or burden him.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

AMA: When I found out that he wasn’t legally divorced, I ended things between us. His wife called me to explain the nature of their relationship. She confessed to being the one giving him a tough time in court. But confirmed that they have not been together for two years, and she wasn’t in love with him. I asked her why they were getting divorced and she said, he wasn’t the man meant to make her happy – though he is a wonderful guy. She asked me not to break things off between us if I loved him. How did the ex-wife get my number? He gave it to her to explain things to me because he was in love with me. That was when I knew. Also, his wife didn’t say anything bad about his character as man.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

AMA: Unless me and him have clearly agreed upon entering into a polyamorous relationship, he will be the only man I will be romantic and sexual with. Attractive he will be to me, no matter what.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

AMA: I listen to completely understand him.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

AMA: My husband is doing very well in his department. He does things for me naaa to know that he cares about me. He also pays attention to my needs, just as I do with him. Dave, my husband walks me to the car every morning to kiss me good bye, before going to work. We both work long hours but he makes me feel his presence in my life. I only feel his distance when he is troubled and wants to be alone. Even that, he would walk me to my car to kiss me goodbye.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

AMA: To love and to hold.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

AMA: When we take a walk out alone. We talk about a lot of funny, crazy things. I check men out on the street and size them to his hearing. He finds that attitude fun.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

AMA: I am enjoying my husband a lot.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

AMA: Unfortunately, no! No because you can’t truly trust any person. I believe in him and what he says to me, but my trust and hope is solely in God.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

AMA: We understand our routine and make the most out of each day when we are together.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

AMA: Yes!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

AMA: The marriage has been good for me so far. I don’t accept bad behavior of any sort. My husband respects me because he knows he may not get away with anything – like cheating, etc. I will divorce him. Before we married, I laid my cards on the table: do unto me that you would want done unto you. It’s that simple.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

AMA: Celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

AMA: Dave, I love foreplay waaaa, because it allows our sexual act to last longer. I take control during sex. My husband used to be very shy and so I was always taking the initiative. It’s now become something I enjoy doing with him. I enjoy oral sex for the stimuli (I am more of a clitorial person). Also, when I wrap my legs around him. We are emotionally intimate and connect with our eyes and hand-holding. My husband is open to explore all forms of sexual pleasure with me, so that’s really good.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

AMA: I will give him 8, because we can do better.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

AMA: Being content with the good that God has given me in my husband, and setting aside the unnecessary expectations of him. Love is loving him in the good and bad times; love is doing my best to be at peace with myself and him. Love is believing in the fact that – things will eventually get better between us. Love is being honest and true to myself and my husband.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

AMA: My husband is not openly that expressive but the little things he does for me shows how much he cares about me. So, yes, I am feeling loved in my marriage.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

AMA: I believe I am.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

AMA: No! I am content with my husband. Contentment for a spouse can be a cure for the little things that come between two people in a relationship.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

AMA: Pee, of all the people you have met and connected with, you chose me to spend the rest of your remaining life with. It’s humbling to say the least, because I chose you too. I will be there for you when you need a friend. I will support you when you need a helping hand. Thank you for loving me good.

Image Credit: Gift Habeshaw

MY EWE SYRUP

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 12: Would love to use Vicky.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

VICKY: Well, I am 34yrs of age and a business woman. I am a lovely lady and I care very much about people, especially the needy. I am a very private person. I don’t easily forgive wrong doings, thus my reason for always ensuring I am in my lane😂(I am still working on myself).

DBM: How long have you been married?

VICKY: I have been married for 9yrs.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

VICKY: Dave, I am chubby in person😄, and so I always admire the slim and not too tall type of men. I am glad I got exactly as I wanted.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

VICKY: Hmmm! Very interesting one there😄. I used to read one newspaper called (Ebony) in the early 2000s. And there was a particular story that we followed all the time for updates; just after every episode you can choose to write comments by posting it through the Post office; in a week’s time your comments got published. I happen to post mine together with my email address and phone number. Phone those days weren’t in use much, and so email was most times the tool for easy communication. My husband, then an unknown friend, fell in love with my name (tribe). Our friendship started from Yahoo mail in a matter of four good years before we met face to face. We married within nine months after we met.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

VICKY: Not really, especially at the first six years of our marriage, but now I can say yes! I have learned to trust him, though at times because of his judgmental attitude I switch, but then, I am still on it. It’s better.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

VICKY: He becomes very excited when I see different ladies with back and front loads, and I prompt him to take a glance, (he can’t pretend ooo)

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

VICKY: I wasn’t certain about him at first – because he rescued me from a broken heart, even though he had no idea about that past. I decided to marry him to shame my ex. I remember I couldn’t control my tears on my wedding day, in which the witnesses present misunderstood to be tears of joy, but trust me, it wasn’t.

I thought of the regret but we move la. My husband’s intelligence, smartness and faithful love towards me, when I had a miscarriage for the first time in our marriage, followed by a stillbirth of an eight months old pregnancy, and later had premature twins etc. This man stood by me in all the odds; that was when I realized I had gotten 99% types of a good man. I then sat down one day and accessed myself, and left the past behind me. Since then, I have given my all to this marriage.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

VICKY: Yes, very well! His style of dressing, his neatness and above all, his very energetic nature in bed😂. (You can’t joke with Ewe men)

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

VICKY: I do listen to understand but as I said, his judgement on issues sometimes puts me off. Though I know he is very mature in mind, and some of the issues he addresses to are true, I try not to get all worked up, and so I overlook certain things just to grant him an audience.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

VICKY: He is perfect! He is good in all aspects of life, and I like the intellectual aspects of him too. My husband is a very responsible family man.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

VICKY: To love and to hold, till death.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

VICKY: When we go for outings, especially far away from home.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

VICKY: Yes! Very well (especially for the past 4yrs)

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

VICKY: Yes! 98%.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

VICKY: Mostly, when he is at home; but these days I realize that quality time to be spent is fading gradually, because of the phone. I work with my phone most of the times and I wish he could understand me a little bit.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

VICKY: For now Yes.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

VICKY: Dave! Yes 💯%

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

VICKY: Growing stronger and healthier, and always advising our three boys on life issues.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

VICKY: Dave, I will be the happiest woman on earth the day I will reach that thing called orgasm 😂 Not that he is not good in bed ooo, we do explore various types of sex but still… I asked my mum and only sister about it, and they said same. I then proceeded to see a doctor and upon a series of tests, they came to the conclusion of it probably being a genetic issue. I was raped at a very tender age, and I learnt it could also be a factor.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

VICKY: 9/10. Hoping for the best.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

VICKY: Sacrificing for each other, being committed, and also listening to your partner without making him or her feel less in any way.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

VICKY: Very well! He also tries his best to put a smile on my face, and I hope things will turn out good soon.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

VICKY: Yes! I am really trying my best, Dave.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

VICKY: Never! It is something I will find very difficult to forgive, if he’s to cheat on me. And so, I promised never to try it at all.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

VICKY: My Chipolonpolon husband,

I have grown to love you now. I can’t live without you these days; kindly trust and believe in me. Everything will be fine. I am a work in progress wai. Stay healthy for me and stop catching BP. My body and soul are all for you. Happy yourself, na life is too short to be thinking of   unnecessary issues.

Image Credit: Mike Jones

IT WORKS FOR ME

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 5 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 11: Address me as Ruth.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

RUTH: I am fun to be around and I am fearless; I have never been afraid to stand out. I am strong, very bold and confident; I am a woman with high expectations, self-reliant and I speak my mind a lot.

DBM: How long have you been married?

RUTH: I have been married to my husband for eight to nine years. But I have been in a relationship with Joel for 12 years. Joel is the love of my life, though not my husband.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

RUTH: My perfect type of man is Joel; he is very supportive and can almost handle me on his own. He is secure and allows me to be myself in all situations. Joel is smart, has good intentions towards people; an excellent communicator, very friendly, has a good sense of humor; he is a gentleman and is always motivating me to become the best of me. I find Joel to be ‘the one’ because his world does not revolve around me; he is ambitious and is always pursuing towards his own passion.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

RUTH: I needed to take a professional picture for a project. A friend recommended her friend but when I called the photographer’s number, his brother answered the call. Joel told me his brother had traveled. I needed to take the picture asap, and so I pleaded with Joel. He told me he could manage to take a shot, though he wasn’t sure it was going to be anything better. I agreed and we met. For my husband, we met at the airport. We were both on the same flight to Ghana, from Heathrow Airport.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

RUTH: I consider my husband a friend; Joel is my best friend.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

RUTH: Joel is the type you would call an Alpha male but anytime he sets his eyes on me, he starts to laugh. He says when he thinks about me, a smile draws on his face. For my husband, he laughs his best when he is chasing me around the house. When he needs something from me, and I refuse to give it, he chases me and would be throwing pillows at me and laughing like crazy.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

RUTH: I did not marry Joel because he cannot have children. I wanted kids and so we talked about it, and he agreed I had one with someone else. I did not want to have kids outside marriage, and so I found the guy who could understand that my heart belonged to Joel. My husband was willing to share and respect my decision. That was when I knew he was the one to marry and parent with. I knew Joel was the one for me when he gave me permission to be with someone else.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

RUTH: My husband is very sexy. Joel is an attractive hunk. Both men are not afraid to show their emotions; they are not afraid to cry, and they’re both real with me. But there is something about Joel that’s not ordinary. No matter how I try to explain it, I cannot seem to get him off my mind.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

RUTH: I listen to understand all that Joel tries to bring to my attention. For my husband, I am not sure but we talk about issues as and when.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

RUTH: My husband is doing his best in the office of a husband and father to our children. I will score him 7/10.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

RUTH: My love for you should be able to withstand your flaws, all of your imperfections and shortcomings. I love you because I value the good in you.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

RUTH: Sex is the most fun I have when I am with Joel or my husband. We explore a lot by seeking to understand our sexual preferences. Both men know what I really like, and I know what excites them also. Joel loves to watch me self-explore in his presence till I achieve sexual pleasure, before touching me. He wants me to know my body and get comfortable with being naked. We laugh a lot whenever I discover a new gratifying spot on my body.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

RUTH: I love my husband. The only problem is every now and then, I question whether or not he is serious about me, knowing very well they are two men in my life.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

RUTH: I do not trust my husband. I do not trust Joel. I do not trust myself.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

RUTH: As much time as possible when it’s his turn. I have a timetable for both men and I give my 100% to each person when it’s their turn.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

RUTH: Yes! Both guys are emotionally available to me and mature about it.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

RUTH: Somewhat!

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

RUTH: Hopefully, married and peacefully scheduling between him and Joel.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

RUTH: The most important relationship in my life is the affair I have with myself. When I stand in front of the mirror and focus on my voluptuous hips, full breasts and shaved vagina; when I look in the side of the mirror and catch my husband or Joel feasting their hungry eyes on me, licking their lips while I slowly dance and masturbate to please myself… throwing my hands about, etc.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

RUTH: Hubby: 7.5/10. Joel: 10.5/10

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

RUTH: Love means knowing my worth and not settling for anything lesser than I deserve; love is taking charge of my own happiness and not blaming anyone for my own mistakes; love is knowing what you want and not compromising just for anything; love is being at peace with every decision you make and trusting that you made it for your own good. Love is sharing.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

RUTH: Yes!

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

RUTH: I am a good wife to my husband. I am a good girlfriend to Joel.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

RUTH: No! They both agreed to being the men in my life.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

RUTH: Dear husband, THANK YOU very much! Joel, you support my endeavors and you call to check on me all the time. You tell me you love me every day; you show respect to me and my husband; you buy things for me, my husband and the children. THANK YOU very much!

Image Credit: Annushka Ahuja

BECAUSE HE LOVES ME

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 9: FaithLove_T

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

FAITHLOVE_T: I’m cool, shy and well reserved woman who likes minding her own business. I like to see my loved ones happy always.

DBM: How long have you been married?

FAITHLOVE_T: 13 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

FAITHLOVE_T: Well, I didn’t have such specifications then, because I married early (19) and actually didn’t even know what marriage was all about but looking at it, he is my Spec 😍.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

FAITHLOVE_T: Eeeii! This will be another story for another day but one word I can use to describe our meeting is DIVINE

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

FAITHLOVE_T: Yes!

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

FAITHLOVE_T: Severally, but this one we were both watching a movie together and we were so into the movie, meanwhile, I couldn’t understand some of the words spoken in American slang due to the fast way the actors were speaking, and so I turned to him and asked, “what did he say my love”? And he burst out with laughter and laughed so hard, and will always explain for me to understand.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

FAITHLOVE_T: Four years into our marriage, I became very sick after our first child, and it got so worst that everyone including myself thought my husband would take me back to parents’ house; not because he didn’t love me but he was exhausted emotionally, financially and physically, and yet my situation wasn’t getting better. I would have actually understood him but my beloved husband chose to stand by me through thick and thin, and in good health and bad health, and this made me realize he’s the one for me, my Godsent 🙏

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

FAITHLOVE_T: Yes!

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

FAITHLOVE_T: Hmmm! This one, my husband always listens to me and sometimes understands me; he sometimes thinks I don’t listen to understand him but I’m trying my best.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

FAITHLOVE_T: Still the King of my heart ❤️

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

FAITHLOVE_T: We are traditionally married though we are Christians (Catholics). The vow’s that means a lot to me is “For better for worse”. I keep telling my husband that even though he didn’t wed me in church, he has demonstrated by all standards – the true meaning of that vow in our marriage, and I adore him for that.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

FAITHLOVE_T: Outings, taking walks holding hands and our bedmatics time 😄😄😄

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

FAITHLOVE_T: Yes, we are growing stronger by God’s grace 🙏.  I still get butterflies in my stomach anytime I look at him 😍😍

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

FAITHLOVE_T: Yes, I do but I have learned to guard my heart too because anything can happen. I don’t want to be shocked to the bone at any point.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

FAITHLOVE_T: We are busy with work but I can say we get time for ourselves most of the time.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

FAITHLOVE_T: Yes!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

FAITHLOVE_T: Yes, with him I feel more secure; and no (just me worrying for no reason when there’s no cause for alarm; it’s just a woman thing). No because we have one child and in a deep conversation with him, he told me he loves to have plenty children, but if it’s God’s Will that He should have only one, he’s okay with God plans. This makes me not secure in case he wants his wishes granted by looking elsewhere.

Note that my husband hasn’t shown any signs of doing the above, rather, he consoles and encourages me to trust in God anytime I break down. In fact, he has a way of always carrying all my worries away with his words of wisdom, love and care towards me .

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

FAITHLOVE_T: For God to see us through in good health, still loving each other, to protect our child, keep and bless us with 1 or 2 🙏 (deep down we’re grateful for the already buddle of joy he blessed us with, 10 years ago), financial breakthrough and above all, Grace to age gracefully together, and seeing our grandkids 🙏

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

FAITHLOVE_T: Spooning, Woman on top and doggy. Eeeii, is this my handwriting 😀😀😀

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

FAITHLOVE_T: 9

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

FAITHLOVE_T: Love is selfless, kindness, making others happy, giving etc.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

FAITHLOVE_T: Yes very!

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

FAITHLOVE_T: I’m not perfect but I try to be the best spouse, but in my husband’s eyes, I am!

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

FAITHLOVE_T: Never and not even in my dreams till the end.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

FAITHLOVE_T: My IGB, I really love the way you’re loving me and taking very good care of the family. Never change! We love, cherish and appreciate all your efforts to see us happy and okay. Never give up on your dreams and keep going, because one day, God will smile on you and fulfill your dreams and aspirations 🙏; your suffering won’t be in vain… Amen!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ❤️

Image Credit: Anna Shvets

HIS LIGHT STILL SHINES

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 8:  Akos.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

AKOS: I am a self-motivated person, a Christian and a lover of the word of God. I am the outgoing type; I love to have fun in my own world. I am a home maker and I have the heart of a man.

DBM: How long have you been married?

AKOS: 8+ years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

AKOS: Frankly, I didn’t have anything like the perfect picture in mind. One thing I think I always wanted in a man was someone who was intelligent and had a vision, and I saw that in my hubby. I just loved my husband for who he was. He was averagely tall with a thick masculine body, dark in complexion and was in academia, which I truly loved.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

AKOS: He was my superior at work.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

AKOS: Partially yes. Soccer was his life, so in the initial stages of our marriage, it was like he was married to soccer, and not to me.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

AKOS: When we had a family dance with the kids, and when I had a surprise birthday party for him.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

AKOS: After my first child.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

AKOS: Yes, he had always been. My husband was always on point with his dressing, work, food, just name it. He was just the perfect gentleman in my own world.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

AKOS: I completely listened, as more times – I needed insight from him. He was indeed my world.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

AKOS: He was trying everything possible to give me a perfect world. Our major problem had always been his addiction to soccer.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

AKOS: I’ll love and cherish you in the good and bad. I’ll love you the best way I can ever, and will be the best parent to our children yet to be born.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

AKOS: Trying to help the needy the best way we could, even when the going became tough. He always loved to give. The last charity he made was in December.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

AKOS: I kept falling in love and talking about his love, and I still talk about it.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

AKOS: I didn’t trust my husband fully because he was the ‘ladies’ man’. He had women proposing to him almost all the time. He just had that vibe.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

AKOS: We barely had time for each other because of work but when we had the least opportunity, we always made the best of it.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

AKOS: I feel more connected, much more than ever.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

AKOS: No! I had felt threatened on several occasions, though my hubby promised me a beautiful marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

AKOS: I’ve always anticipated our marriage standing on a solid Christian faith, full of love and joy.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

AKOS: Trying new things to spice our wonderful sex life, but along the line it flopped due to health issues from my spouse.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

AKOS: It was 6 out of 10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

AKOS: Patience, understanding and being there to give a shoulder when necessary. Being each other’s confidant and backbone.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

AKOS: I used to feel loved.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

AKOS: There’s no perfect marriage but I tried to be a great wife. Honestly, I hardly let go of what hurt me. And I loved to pay back sometimes. I easily got provoked and angry, and my husband was always there to comfort and share my pain, even if I was angry at him.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

AKOS: Never!

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

AKOS: The husband of my youth, my all-time lover boy, you know how we rocked it and you know the special place you have in my heart. The space can never and will never be occupied. I think of you day and night and I wish I could turn back the hands of time and have a more solid lovely perfect marriage with you. It’s been months without you and it feels like forever. When I close my eyes to pray, I still tell God to incubate your soul peacefully for us until we meet in eternity someday.

My anointed general may you keep resting peacefully. We dearly love and miss you today and forever. From us on earth to you in heaven.

ADAMS’ APPLE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 7:  Adams is my name.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

ADAMS: I am 68 years old, and a father to four grown children. I am a grandfather, a husband and a friend. I am retired and enjoying the remaining years of my life with my wife.

DBM: How long have you been married?

ADAMS: 35 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

ADAMS: My wife fits into my exact specifications. She actually is in a league of her own. I settled for a woman I would never otherwise would have gone for. Don’t get me wrong, my wife is very beautiful to me; she is beautiful to me because I give her the chance to become beautiful in my eyes. And in all the 35 years of loving her, I have given myself the opportunity to be equally good in her eyes, and most importantly, cherished for who I really am, by the one woman whose opinion I value the most.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

ADAMS: She found me at a point in my life when I was thinking I wasn’t good enough for any woman; every lady I liked didn’t like me back. I felt useless. She was at the same bus stop where an ex-girlfriend of mine had broken up with me in public. I doubted my capabilities as a man, but this stranger, now wife, encouraged me with her presence and friendship to build me back up to move forward. It was humiliating to say the least, but she stood by me at the bus stop, and has been standing by me through all of my ups and downs.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

ADAMS: Our friendship will never end, and that makes me the happiest man in the world. Yes!

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

ADAMS: That would be over 28 years ago. We both had a busy schedule and had to rely on one of her best friends to pick our children from school. We gave her our house keys to cater for the kids in our absence. I was the first to arrive home after 10 pm. We were expecting my wife to arrive at dawn. The kids were asleep when I got home. While taking my bath, I heard the bathroom door open. My wife’s friend was naked. Because I had soap lather in my eyes, I couldn’t see her approach me. It was after she held my penis and kissed me that I realized that wasn’t my wife. I sacked her from my house and told my wife the moment she got home. I don’t know whether she believed me or not but she laughed so hard, she encountered a stomach pain in the process. She did not confront her friend about my accusation. They’re still close friends. She’s still our family friend.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

ADAMS: The day I realized my wife wasn’t afraid of being alone, with or without me in her life. Yes, she’s in want of the man that I am, but she doesn’t really need me in any way to feel fulfilled.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

ADAMS: My wife is as attractive and perfect as I make her to be. She’s ambitious and very reliable. Dave, authenticity is sexier to me in any body type or shape, any day.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

ADAMS: I have never taken the importance of communication with my wife lightly. She discusses almost everything that is important to her with me, and I make sure to listen to whatever she has to say, and truly make the effort to comprehend exactly where she may be coming from. In a deeper conversation with my wife, I know when to talk or offer an opinion, and when not to.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

ADAMS: She’s my ideal wife, and I will choose her over and over again, any day. In fact, I still chase after her till date. She respects herself, and respects me too.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

ADAMS: In the name of The Almighty God, I take you, Sophia, to be my wife; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish – until we are parted by death.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

ADAMS: Raising our children together and enriching them to a higher level of thinking, feeling, loving and behaving, has been the most fun we have both had in our marriage.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

ADAMS: It’s growing stronger every day. I understand my wife in a deeper level.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

ADAMS: Completely! She owns my heart, and I feel comfortable being vulnerable with her.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

ADAMS: David, I love my wife so much to the extent that, I love being around her. For me, as long as I get to spend time with her, I don’t really care whatever we’d be doing together – if I’d be doing it with her, that would be more than enough for me. She’s the best company I have ever kept and had all my life.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

ADAMS: Yes, I feel connected emotionally to my Sophie. She’s exactly where I need her to be emotionally with me. We support each other the best way possible.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

ADAMS: Very! We are constantly paying attention to our inner and outer growths at every phase of our lives.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

ADAMS: Till death do us part I believe.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

ADAMS: My ideal sex life is climaxing with my wife.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

ADAMS: 9/10. She pleases me, and we are content with what we share intimately.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

ADAMS: My understanding of love is being on the same page on the importance of respecting each other, being true to our words, creating time to prioritize our feelings for one another, resolving conflict when it arises and forgiving each other; being strong for the other when weak, and helping one another to carry on.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

ADAMS: I love how my wife loves me. She’s my favorite lady.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

ADAMS: I am a good husband, but I am married to a wonderful woman.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

ADAMS: Finding myself in the arms of another woman, to me, is an expression, not my reality. I don’t want to hurt Sophia, because I love her. I don’t want to tear my family apart and sacrifice my honor; that is why I have never cheated on my wife.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

ADAMS: Sophia, I am one of the luckiest men alive. We promised each other for better and for worse, and so far, I am also honoring my part of the vows. You know how much I love you; you know how much I am in love with you. You know how much I appreciate you. I wasn’t searching for a perfect woman; I wasn’t looking for a flawless marriage. All I prayed for was for God to bless me with a decent marriage, genuine commitment and a lasting friendship between us. Thank you very much for going easy on me!

Image Credit: Andre Moura

CROSS-FIRE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 6:  Cross will do.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

CROSS: I’m just me; easy going, opinionated and massive fun to be with.

DBM: How long have you been married?

CROSS: Nine years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

CROSS: I never had a spec; however, I never wanted a spiritual leader as a spouse. I’m not good with being a role model.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

CROSS: At his workplace after I completed Senior High School.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

CROSS: No! My husband is a bit judgmental, and so I am very careful of the things I share with him.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

CROSS: I’m naturally a happy soul. So anytime you are around me, a smile will always be on your face.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

CROSS: I was double dating actually; it was him and another guy. Then I got pregnant and was uncertain of who was responsible. I told the other guy and he accepted but I couldn’t handle it, and so I requested for a termination. After the termination of the pregnancy, I bled for two weeks straight and was getting weaker by the day. I avoided my husband, who was then just the other guy throughout the abortion. He came to my workplace uninvited one afternoon. The moment he set his eyes on me, he knew something was wrong and I was dying slowly so I had to open up to him. He acted cool, went out and brought me medications to stop the bleeding, and took care of me through it all. The other guy tried contacting me and my husband (then boyfriend) gave him a piece of his mind. That was when he said a lot of shitty things about me to him, but all my husband told him was that, “she’s now with me, so stay away from her”. That was when I knew that, I had found a diamond in a form of a human.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

CROSS: Very much. My husband is seriously attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

CROSS: Yes! We always discuss our daily activities before going to bed. I am an ardent listener as well. Because of him, I read about sports so I can have a meaningful conversation with him.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

CROSS: Very well! He is a great husband and a wonderful father.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

CROSS: Till death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

CROSS: On weekends and holidays when we are home alone without the kids. Having wild sex in the room and gisting about others, etc.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

CROSS: Mine fluctuates.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

CROSS: Not really!

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

CROSS: Whenever we have a free time, we spend it together.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

CROSS: Not really!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

CROSS: No! He tried adding up a wife some time ago, and it has changed my perception about the whole marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

CROSS: Outside the country with our children.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

CROSS: We’re always fuel and fire.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

CROSS: 12/10 😂😂

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

CROSS: Being there for each other and sharing the good, bad and ugly times together. And being available for/to our children.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

CROSS: Of course yes, although I sometimes feel caged.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

CROSS: I am trying to be better than before.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

CROSS: Emotionally yes, but sexually/physically, no!

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

CROSS: I do have so much love and admiration for you honey. All I want is for you to get out of your comfort zone and explore more business-wise. I love how you love me and our children; please know we will enjoy this union if only you stay true to me. Yes, I’m not ready to share my husband with anyone!

Image Credits: Anna Shvets

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