Love – Page 8 – David B

Let’s Talk To Naomi – Part 1

Written by David B on March 29, 2023. Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 71: Sister Naomi

DBM: Hi Sister Naomi. How would you describe yourself?

Naomi: I enjoy myself a lot, I value who I am to the highest degree; I cannot be rushed. I have heard people say, I am graceful in my appearance and also in the way I behave towards them. I am a born-again Christian, 31 years of age, single and ready to mingle

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Naomi: 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Naomi: First of all Dave, let me thank you for this opportunity. I have been following the ‘Let’s Talk To…’ conversations and I am learning a lot from everyone’s experience. It’s been an eye-opener for me. And I love the contents on your blog; it’s different and engaging.

DBM: Appreciated.

Naomi: As I said earlier, I am single and ready to enter into the dating scene for the first time in my life. I love the way you engage the ladies on your platform, and was thinking, maybe you could give me some pointers from your experience with people to guide me.

DBM: I am not a counselor. I hope you know that?

Naomi: I know that

DBM: Good! Is there someone you’re interested in at the moment?

Naomi: I have had a few guys flat-out expressing their interests in me in the past. I wasn’t ready for a relationship then so I let them go. The person I like now, and may want to be in a relationship with, unfortunately isn’t a guy my family or friends would approve of.

DBM: Why is that?

Naomi: He doesn’t have a degree. He is one of the security men at my place of work.

DBM: Why do you like him?

Naomi: I think he’s a nice guy

DBM: Nice as in?

Naomi: The way he talks to me, the way he smiles with me. He takes very good care of my car, and finds ways to compliment me every day. He doesn’t mind going on an errand for me. He walks me to my car when he’s on duty – after close of work. I’ve caught him a few times stealing glances at me. He keeps me relaxed and accepted.

DBM: How old is he?

Naomi: He is 37 I think

DBM: That’s my age mate. Do you think he likes you as much?

Naomi: If I’m to guess, I’d say yes, he likes me too

DBM: Have you asked him directly if he likes you?

Naomi: No!

DBM: Why not?

Naomi: I can’t

DBM: Why?

Naomi: I don’t want to come off as desperate

DBM: But you would be asking him out of desire, not desperation

Naomi: It’s not that simple.

DBM: What do you do for a living?

Naomi: I am a specialist in Programs with an international Agency for Development.

DBM: How long have you been friends with this gentleman?

Naomi: I have known him since 2017

DBM: And, he is single?

Naomi: He is

DBM: He told you that himself?

Naomi: Yes.

DBM: Okay!

Naomi: Dave

DBM: Yes?

Naomi: Are you in a relationship?

DBM: Yes please

Naomi: Can you use your personal experience to advise me on what to do next?

DBM: What is next on your itinerary?

Naomi: I love him, and I am in love with him. But I fear that love will not be enough for this situation to work out

DBM: What kind of love do you think you deserve?

Naomi: He makes me feel good. Is that a good answer?

DBM: I think it’s a good answer. It tells me you’re not into him because of who or what he is as a person. The person I am in a relationship with contributes to my happiness. That is a ‘feel-good’ moment, in my opinion.

Naomi: But I don’t know if he loves me too. That’s my biggest problem

DBM: I see. I usually do not base my focus on whether or not someone loves me too. I rather look at the behavior of the person I’m interested in; whether or not their actions towards me are driven or directed by love.

Naomi: That makes perfect sense

DBM: So, going back to your earlier response of him being a ‘nice’ guy, do you think he loves you?

Naomi: He loves me.

DBM: Exactly!

Naomi: How about finances?

DBM: What about it?

Naomi: Should it be a criterion to consider, looking at his current employment and the amount he earns?

DBM: Do you mind me asking your net pay?

Naomi: GHs 12,700

DBM: Would you consider the financial season of your life to be okay, with or without a man’s support?

Naomi: I am financially independent and okay

DBM: Do you know much he earns?

Naomi: I do. It’s not much

DBM: His current job aside, do you see in him potential?

Naomi: He is hardworking and smart.

DBM: Smart how?

Naomi: He has interest in going back to school. He likes to farm too. He’s been giving me some of the vegetables he grows at home. He sells his fresh farm produce to my colleagues. We love buying tomatoes, peppers, garden eggs, okro, cassava, plantains and fruits from his farm.

DBM: So, he’s got the earning potential

Naomi: Oh, yes.

DBM: Meaning, who he is today, can change for the better tomorrow?

Naomi: Very likely. Just that he’s got a lot of responsibilities. He’s taking care of his mother, his brothers and sister, and a cousin.

DBM: He’s a responsible man; that’s a good thing, no?

Naomi: It is. I believe in him

DBM: You buy from his farm, I like that.

Naomi: Why?

DBM: If I were him, I know I would be feeling content, supported and loved by you – just because you buy from my farm. This life is too short for me to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in my dream. It’s a big deal for me

Naomi: I believe in him

DBM: I believe you do.

Naomi: He is family oriented, and wants to have a family of his own. I want that for myself. He is a Christian, he has integrity… Dave, he stands for almost everything I believe in.

DBM: Those are some very important core values you both seem to live by.

Naomi: I feel like I will be safe with him by my side.

DBM: Are you going to be comfortable with others knowing you two are an item?

Naomi: Very. He’s a decent man. I am not shy about his person. I am actually proud of him.

DBM: Then choose him, if that decision is going to contribute to your own happiness. Everyday in my life is a choice; I choose the love of my life on a daily basis, and I do it intentionally. Don’t let your security guy choose you before you accept that he wants you. Choose him first for yourself, because he is good for you – and to you. Tell him you think of him. Tell him you love him. Tell him the thoughts of him alone excites you. Tell him exactly what he means to you.

Naomi: I will tell him tonight.

DBM: Keep me posted.

Naomi: I will. Dave, I am very happy

DBM: Good for you!

Image Credit: Samuel Estevan

Let’s Talk To Aimee

Written by David B on March 28, 2023. Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 70: My name is Aimee

DBM: Hello Aimee. How would you describe yourself?

Aimee: I am 38 years old, and a single mother.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Aimee: I am 8-scaled happy

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Aimee: Before I share my issue, I want to know why it’s taken you almost three months before reaching my turn?

DBM: I am very sorry Aimee. There have been a lot of emails and inbox messages expressing interest in the series, and I am trying to engage everyone accordingly. I usually assign days to participants in order to chat with them. Unfortunately, some conversations take more than three days to conclude, due to our different work schedules. I am yet to even assign dates to other interested partakers. Hopefully, it will get to everyone’s turn.

Aimee: I’ve met a man that I really, really like. He hasn’t come out to say it, but he’s expressed interest in us getting married. At the moment, I am enjoying every stage of our relationship and taking heart to all the things he’s expressed. He’s introduced me to his siblings, friends and will be meeting his mother for the first-time next week. I have spoken with his mother on phone a couple of times though.

DBM: That’s nice to know

Aimee: Yeah, but there is a big BUT…

DBM: What’s the problem?

Aimee: I am a single mother of four. All of my four children are with four different men. My first son’s father is in jail. He raped me when I was a teenager, and my parents got him arrested. He is not someone I knew or dated; he is a complete stranger who forced himself on me. My second child’s father was my first boyfriend. We dated for a year and a half, and found out that I was pregnant with our daughter. We planned on getting married but weeks into our traditional marriage, I got to know he was expecting another child with another woman. It broke my heart and couldn’t go through with the engagement. We broke things off amicably. My third child is the son of my first husband. We were married for two years till I couldn’t be his wife anymore. He was verbally abusive. He once told me, he would divorce me, and I would be at the mercy of strange men – who would sleep with me before giving me money to feed myself and the children. He told my first child, he would throw him out on the streets so he begs for a living, and would drive past him and not give him even 20 pesewas to buy water . He isolated me from my family, always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing; he would assume control over my finances because he felt I was stupid to plan for my own life. And he did all these without sitting me down to discuss issues. He never admitted his faults. I moved out of his house and divorced him without thinking twice. My second husband was the father of my fourth child. He was the love of my life, but unfortunately, died in a car accident. So far, my life has been a roller coaster ride, and I want to keep a steady wall of separation between my life as a mother, and my current dating life.

DBM: That was a lot to read

Aimee: I am sorry

DBM: Tell me a little about this new man in your life

Aimee: He is divorced, and has two adorable children of his own. They love me and all

DBM: Okay… So, where is the problem in this?

Aimee: He’s assumed all the four kids belong to my late husband

DBM: As in, you’ve made him believe such is the case or…

Aimee: I haven’t told him anything about the different fathers of my kids

DBM: Why not?

Aimee: I fear he’s going to judge me unfairly

DBM: But he loves you, no?

Aimee: He hasn’t said anything about love yet

DBM: How long have you two been together?

Aimee: Eight months, 14 days today

DBM: A man who wants you to know his family and friends’ desires to extend his connection with you. His family and friends know him best, and so you meeting and knowing them is his indirect message to you to know him even better through other trusted sources.

Aimee: Hmmm! I don’t know

DBM: You have to know. You mentioned him considering a future together with you, no?

Aimee: Yes

DBM: His heart is in this. He trusts in your love and his for each other

Aimee: I don’t think his mother will accept me if she knows about my history

DBM: Your history is, you’re a mother of four beautiful children. That is where the fun is

Aimee: My children make me feel loved and happy. I am free to express myself as a woman, and my they do not judge me. They show me a lot of respect and affection. They give me so much attention, which goes a long way to help me forget all of my worries.

DBM: I was talking to one of my good friends about your issue. Her name is Nandy. Her Facebook name is Nana Ama Tanaah. She’s willing to talk you through the process if you are open to talking to her. She asked me to tell you to tell your boyfriend about your children’s fathers.

Aimee: And what if he misinterprets the whole situation?

DBM: Let me copy and paste what Nandy is saying to me right now, “I understand, but if he judges you unfavorably, then you’re actually saving yourself from a future headache. It’s better to trust in the intent”.

Aimee: She’s right

DBM: What made you marry your first two husbands?

Aimee: Do you want the honest version or the lie I keep telling myself and others?

DBM: The truth

Aimee: I do not think I married both men for love from the start, though I fell in love with them along the way. Fear is what I believe drove me from one marriage to the other.

DBM: Fear of what?

Aimee: You know, not being able to provide for my babies on my own. Also, I assumed I needed a male figure in the lives of my children, and for us all to be under one roof, for it to be a proper family.

DBM: Do you work?

Aimee: I am actually a Chartered Accountant. I also hold an MSc. in Accounting and Finance. I make good money

DBM: I am pleasantly surprised by your capabilities

Aimee: I am a hard worker

DBM: Oh, trust, I know! And you should not be with any man who does not want to be with you. Do not be afraid to be alone if he chooses not to accept you for you. In fact, being alone is another stepping stone to finding a better partner who wouldn’t mind encouraging you to keep up the fight.

Aimee: You’re kind with your words.

DBM: You seem like a strong, compassionate and caring woman; the type to bring to the table, wisdom and empathy. It takes a real man to see your worth.

Aimee: I should tell him then?

DBM: You should, it’s part of your story to tell. If certain aspects of your past just happen to affect how he feels about you, and could potentially change the dynamics of your relationship, learn to respect his concerns and decision.

Aimee: Okay! I have a meeting to attend in the next 15 minutes. It was nice talking to you, David.

DBM: Likewise. Remember that, a man who loves you truly – would never want to change anything about you.

Image Credit: Barbara Olsen

Let’s Talk To River

Written by David B on March 26, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 69: Hey David. I’d want to go by River

DBM: Hi River. How would you describe yourself?

River: I am confused at this moment

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

River: 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

River: I fucked up big time. I am not blaming anyone else but myself; no excuses… I just made a mistake.

DBM: What did you do?

River: I mistakenly called my fiancée by the first name of another woman I am having a no-strings attached fling relationship with, while on one knee proposing to her.

DBM: Was she the only witness to this?

River: No! Two of her close friends, two of mine and her siblings were there. They were the team that helped me plan the surprise marriage proposal event.

DBM: What was going through your mind for you to mess up a ‘will you marry me’ once in a lifetime moment?

River: I was in the moment and excited as everyone else. I don’t know how the mishap happened for me to address her by the name of another woman.

DBM: What was your woman’s reaction?

River: She pulled her left hand out of my hand and asked for my phone

DBM: Your phone?

River: She made me unlock it to read my conversations on WhatsApp with the name I mentioned

DBM: What did she find?

River: A lot

DBM: Good or bad ‘lot’?

River: Everything.

DBM: What was the worst thing she found in your chats with her?

River: We had fucked that afternoon and talked about how hot it was

DBM: As in, you and the other woman?

River: Yes

DBM: The afternoon of the same day you proposed to your fiancée?

River: Yes. The proposal happened in the evening

DBM: How long have you been dating your woman?

River: Three years

DBM: How long have you been seeing the other lady?

River: About six years

DBM: I see

River: I really do no think all the sex I have should constitute an emotional attachment for it to mean something to me.

DBM: What’s your interpretation of sex?

River: Dave, I can just shake your hand right now as a friend, or colleague and it would simply be a handshake. I can choose to also touch your hand in a certain way for it to be rousing and emotionally heartwarming. Sex is just like that for me, depending on the person I am doing it with.

DBM: Why did you choose to date your fiancée, knowing very well there is an existing relationship in your life?

River: The existing relationship is purely for sexual gratification. We explore different sexual tastes the typical Ghanaian wife wouldn’t be open to. It’s safe and fun. My fiancée, on the other hand is a woman I trust absolutely and completely. I knew I wanted to marry her the first day I set my eyes on her. She’s someone I can laugh with; she has no history of cheating and wouldn’t crave the attention of other men; she’s a good Christian too.

DBM: You have a history of cheating, yet you want a woman who wouldn’t cheat on you?

River: That’s why I am saying I know I do not make the best of decisions when it comes to sex. I need a woman I can trust in her choices if I were to disappoint at any point in time in our marriage.

DBM: So, you could have told her from the onset about your escapades with this other woman, so she would be in the known to make an informed decision about you.

River: I erred; I accept my mistake.

DBM: You did not err; It was an intentional, selfish and inconsiderate act. And just like the many others, you are deceptive, manipulative and would say any and everything you feel in order to get what you want from a woman.

River: I am not sure how to respond to you. You don’t know me like that

DBM: Do you even love your fiancée?

River: I am in love with my woman. Honest truth to God.

DBM: I know many guys who genuinely think there is an emotional connection between them and the women they cheat on, based on the things they think they’re feeling when they’re around them. Are you sure you are not just curious about knowing what the experience of being with your fiancée would be or feel like?

River: I don’t understand your question

DBM: Your curiosity in being with a decent woman like her physically has been satisfied, no?

River: My fiancée and I have sex, yes. She’s physically attractive

DBM: I understand that you are attracted to her body, but do you have a genuine connection with her soul?

River: Yes, I do.

DBM: And, how does that feel like?

River: That’s why I wanted to take our relationship to the next level

DBM: Did she accept your proposal?

River: She said she needed time to process everything

DBM: When was this?

River: It happened in January, 2023

DBM: Would you marry a woman like your character?

River: I don’t know

DBM: You know, because it sounds like you have the best of both worlds

River: We all fuck up every now and then

DBM: I know, but then if you’ve cheated before, especially more than once, you know you will do it again, no? It may not be tomorrow, or in six months from now, but it’s bound to happen

River: My relationship with my woman is really great. I love our love and chemistry, but I think about being physical with other women as well. I want to have a lot of sex, just not with only my fiancée. There is a freaky part of me that is so profoundly personal, I can only reveal it to a stranger, a woman who is not my wife.

DBM: So, tell her this truth

River: I’ll lose her

DBM: Then you lose her. You owe it to her to decide what she wants for her life. It is the least you can do

Image Credit: Rodnae Productions

Let’s Talk To Gabe

Written by David B on March 23, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 68: Gabe

DBM: Hello Gabe. How would you describe yourself?

Gabe: A single parent

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Gabe: 7-ish

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Gabe: I have two friends that are really good to me. One is my Senior Secondary School sweetheart. She was my first love. I have realized that my feelings for her never went away. The second lady was the best friend of my late wife. My wife died 14 months after we married. She left behind our son, whom I have raised all by myself since 2016. My son adores my late wife’s best friend the most, because he bonds with her daughter. They were born the same day, and at the same hospital. They attend the same school and often spend the weekends and holidays in her house or mine. My SSS sweetheart divorced her husband after she realized I was single, and that, we still had feelings for one another. Both ladies are my soul mates; they bring something different in me – which I like very much when I am with each of them. I love the man I become when I am with them. I want to consider marriage and I am confused as to which of the ladies to choose. My son’s favorite is his best friend’s mother. He already addresses her as ‘mummy’. She’s also a single parent. My favorite lady, however, is my SSS sweetheart.

DBM: Okay?

Gabe: I don’t know what to do

DBM: Are you having sex with both ladies?

Gabe: I am. They’re good in bed

DBM: Do they know they are two of them in your life?

Gabe: No, but they have an idea of my friendship with the two of them

DBM: Are you in an exclusive relationship with them?

Gabe: No. I am not dating them officially. It’s the friends-with-benefit kind of situation

DBM: They both understand that is all there is to it?

Gabe: I think so

DBM: But they would want to be in a serious commitment with you?

Gabe: Yes.

DBM: Why is your high school sweetheart your favorite?

Gabe: She gave me an assurance

DBM: Which was?

Gabe: Leaving her marriage to come and be with me, which she did.

DBM: What do you really like about the other lady?

Gabe: She reminds me of my wife.

DBM: And, is that a good or bad thing?

Gabe: It’s good news

DBM: What kind of woman are you looking for in a wife?

Gabe: The two represent everything beautiful I am seeking in a wife

DBM: But you need to make a choice, no?

Gabe: I am in love with both ladies. I know they love me too, Dave. I was thinking I would marry one and secretly continue with the other.

DBM: How about coming clean about your feelings to the both of them?

Gabe: I can’t

DBM: Why not?

Gabe: Because I lied to them once when they asked at different times whether I was messing around with the other

DBM: Why did you lie about it?

Gabe: I didn’t want to hurt their feelings

DBM: The respect a man places on a woman, and the valor and maturity he presents in telling her the truth, looking beyond his present circumstances, looking beyond his desires and wants and needs, is the absolute measure of his true character as a person.

Gabe: I am a good man in love with two women.

DBM: Are you under any pressure to marry soon?

Gabe: No, but I would wish to be married by the end of the year

DBM: Give yourself time to choose. Let them know you are dating other women too

Gabe: It wouldn’t be fair to one. She left her marriage for me

DBM: Did you ask her to?

Gabe: No, but I didn’t stop her either when she told me about her decision.

DBM: Both ladies are mature. If you’re to ask any one of them to make a life decision about choosing you as their husband, at least, you owe it to them to choose in full knowledge of all the facts, no?

Gabe: I don’t want to hurt one’s feelings

DBM: Relationships are always risky. It might or not work out somehow, and we’re supposed to take responsibility for our actions when it comes to love.

Gabe: My son will be very happy if I marry the woman he adores. Do I consider his happiness in all this?

DBM: How important is your son to you?

Gabe: He’s my everything

DBM: Even more than the women you’re chasing?

Gabe: He is the love of my life

DBM: Good, because the relationship he has with you is what is setting the template for how he is to relate to every other person in his life and yours.

Gabe: I know

DBM: So, put yourself in his shoes. Which of the women would you have preferred?

Gabe: But do you understand the dilemma I find myself in?

DBM: I do. I am just trying to also put myself in the shoes of the women. If I were to be dating you, I would already know at the back of my head that, anything at all could happen for us not to be together. I would know you are capable of not choosing me; you’re capable of hurting my feelings. But then, I would prefer you rather end things with me in all honesty than a lie. These are your friends, meaning, you genuinely care about them. Why not allow them the dignity of knowing the actual truth about your decision?

Image Credit: August-de-Richelieu

Let’s Talk To Krys

Written by David B on March 22, 2023. Posted in Blog. 8 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 67: Krys

DBM: Hi Krys. How would you describe yourself?

Krys: I am a lucky girl in my mid 30’s. I am curious, enthusiastic, a risk taker, very compassionate, open-minded; I care about this world and I believe I can help in making it a better place because I have the courage to try.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Krys: Can I say 11?

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Krys: Someone I care about just asked me to marry him

DBM: Has he got a name?

Krys: I prefer keeping him anonymous

DBM: Okay! How did you meet?

Krys: I was supposed to pick a colleague I work with to work. I had been going round and round to find the direction given me, because I did not know his area very well. I’m also slightly stubborn. I don’t like asking strangers for direction when I am lost. I saw an elderly mom standing by a locked gate. She looked like everything that could go wrong had gone wrong on her. I stopped by her gate to ask for direction, but realized she didn’t even stay in the neighborhood. She had come from Kyebi that early morning to surprise her son – who was celebrating his birthday that day. He didn’t know his mother was coming over, so he had locked up. The woman complained about missing the first bus coming to Accra due to a mechanical problem. Her handbag also got stolen at Kaneshie. She explained her situation and begged me to call her son, because her phone was in the stolen handbag. I handed her my phone to make the call. We got to know that her son had already reached his job station. He couldn’t come back home because he had to prepare for a meeting. I asked for direction to his workplace, and also asked about the route to take from his house to my colleague’s compound. The old lady joined my ride to pick my friend and drop him at work, and then sent her to her son’s office for his house keys.

DBM: That was very kind of you

Krys: Dave, I am always looking for ways to spread kindness. I don’t mind smiling at everyone. I don’t mind cracking dry jokes just to hear people laugh. I seriously do not mind to act foolishly if it’s going to bring a smile to someone’s face. That’s who I am

DBM: What happened next?

Krys: He suggested his mother stayed at his workplace till close of work, so they could go home together, but she wanted to go to the house and rest. She asked if I wouldn’t mind taking her back to the son’s residence. Really, I didn’t mind. I had started to like her already because we had been bonding in my car. By the way, her son is very handsome. In fact, in the process of convincing him that I didn’t have any problem with driving his mother back to his place, our eyes locked after smiling at each other. It was more subtle than just staring at each other.

DBM: How long did the eye contact flirting last?

Krys: Probably 15 seconds or more

DBM: You liked what you were seeing?

Krys: Very much. It felt like he was expressing his love and admiration for me

DBM: Weren’t you late for work?

Krys: I was but I had to see this through. I couldn’t stop myself from holding his gaze when he was talking to me

DBM: Fast forward to when you brough his mother home

Krys: She hugged me really tight, like she wasn’t going to let go.

DBM: Awww!

Krys: I read her son’s first text message while driving back to work. He was at his meeting but couldn’t concentrate.

DBM: Why is that?

Krys: I was on his mind

DBM: Were you thinking about him too?

Krys: Yes. And I was replaying that morning’s incident all over again. To say, everything happens for a reason knocked the wind out of me would be an understatement. My heart and mind smiled lighter and harder as I was unable to understand what was happening. That afternoon, we agreed to have lunch at a restaurant – where we sat next to each other and continued talking and smiling. Dave, I liked him immediately but we had to go to work after the hour.

DBM: Was he single?

Krys: He was. That was the first question I asked when we met for lunch

DBM: Good!

Krys: After work, he suggested we met for dinner at a different restaurant

DBM: Was this a date or something?

Krys: That’s the confusing part of it all: I wasn’t exactly sure about what we were doing. It was too soon to call it a date, even though he offered to pay for the meal. We talked and enjoyed each other’s company late into the night. It was his birthday. I was smitten.

DBM: Good for you.

Krys: Yes

DBM: Did you hear from his mother again?

Krys: I joined them for dinner that weekend at home. She was very happy seeing the two of us happy. She assured her of her approval of me if he were to consider dating me. She was rooting for us to be in a relationship. She encouraged her son to ask me out if he liked me, and put his heart out there and tell me how he feels about me. She asked me how I felt about her son

DBM: At dinner?

Krys: At dinner.

DBM: That was ballsy of her

Krys: We’ve been in a relationship for four years now

DBM: What do you like about him?

Krys: He’s a great guy. Even when he is driving me crazy, and I am driving him nuts, there is still so much for me to be thankful for. He loves to do things with me. He is passionate about his relationship with me. He is a great listener, and very compassionate. He is the most positive person I have ever come across. Edwin embodies all the characteristics of love in first Corinthians, even when I annoy him.

DBM: His name is Edwin

Krys: Yes, how did you know?

DBM: You called him out.

Krys: Edwin is patient; Ed is kind. Edwin does not envy; he does not boast, he is not proud. Edwin does not dishonor others; he is not self-seeking, my darling is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. Ed does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. His love is yet to fail me.

DBM: That’s a good man right here

Krys: David, I don’t know what I did to deserve a man like him. He is too good to be true

DBM: So is GOD

Krys: I believe in God

DBM: Then believe He’s thought ahead of time to gift you with Edwin, a man after your own heart – who will do things to make your life easier.

Image Credit: Godisable Jacob

Let’s Talk To Damian and Lololi

Written by David B on March 20, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 66: I am Damian. My wife’s name is Lololi. We want to participate individually in one segment

DBM: Hello Damian and Lololi. How would you describe yourselves?

Damian: I am tall, dark and handsome. I work for what I have, that’s why my accomplishments taste even sweeter. My wife can attest to this: I confidently hold the floor with exceptional footwork to dance my heart out. I am 59 years, slightly stubborn, but a great dad and husband. My best attribute is randomly having to woo my wife

Lololi: Dam is right about one thing; he’s got crazy dance moves. I am 56 years young, thriving professionally and my own woman. I do not have it all, but I have a bit of everything a woman dreams of. Always been independent; I am a picky eater, I can take silly jokes, and have the basic understanding of time. I can hold a conversation about almost anything with anyone, and I take very good care of my body.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Damian: I am 8

Lololi: 7 for me

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Damian: Our 25-year wedding anniversary is this July. I want to talk about my wife and how far we have come

Lololi: I have fallen in and out of love with my husband for the past 25 years. I want to share how I have been able to keep my part of the marriage going when I was out of love

DBM: How did you meet?

Damian: My wife is my ex-girlfriend’s best friend. My cousin had come to Ghana for a short visit, and had asked my then ex, if she knew of any single friends to go on a date with him. It was my third date with her friend. She talked me into agreeing to a double date with my wife and his cousin. That was how we met and decided to make the swap

Lololi: One of my best friends was trying to facilitate a hookup between me and Dam’s favorite cousin. We went on a double date and it was my first time meeting my husband. My friend had told me about Damian, because their relationship was just two weeks old. She had told me she liked him but wasn’t sure he was her type. I remember she once told me; her date was the type I liked. There was a live band playing and Dam asked me to dance with him to my surprise. I agreed to the dance not expecting to like him. My friend was okay with the idea. His cousin, who was supposed to be my date for the evening, danced with my friend, and I actually saw them exchanging numbers. We were on opposite sides, and Dam asked if I was going to have to see his cousin again. His cousin walked to us and told Dam, he felt he had a lot in common with his date. He asked for his permission to date his woman, and he agreed, because he actually felt there was an ongoing chemistry between us.

DBM: Damian, how far had you gone sexually with your ex-date prior to the double date?

Damian: We hadn’t gotten to that stage yet. Our relationship was still fresh

DBM: Where is your cousin and the lady now?

Damian: They’re in Canada, married with children

DBM: At what point did you both know you were meant to be?

Damian: Marriage had always been a huge commitment to undertake. I love to have a lot of fun, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to spend the rest of my life with just one woman. My wife gave me the freedom to express my fears and concerns, without the feeling of judgement. Our friendship was such that, she did not place a demand to make me afraid of losing her. She realized I liked girls a lot, so she gave me the liberty to date other women before settling on one. Unfortunately for me, anytime I was out with another woman, and need to say I went out with a lot, I was always thinking about Lololi. That was when I knew I would rather hang out with her than anyone else. Because I was calling her every evening and sharing every little detail about my day with her.

Lololi: I fell in love with Dam because he is kind and compassionate, very funny and would put me first. I knew he was the man for me because he was taking up a major real space in my mind. I craved for his presence, and did not want happiness for just myself, but for him too. I could confidently trust in my decision to want to be with him, and how he made me feel.

DBM: What were some of your talking points before tying the knot?

Damian: For me, money is everything when it comes to a relationship. Before we married, we had a heart to heart talk on how to prioritize our spending habits. We discussed the sharing of expenses. The second important conversation was about sex. I have entered a relationship in the past because of sex; I have left a relationship because of lack of sex. My overall quality of life looks balanced because I have a lot of good sex.

Lololi: I brought up the topic of children. Luckily for us, we both wanted to have kids. We talked about the possibility of struggling to get pregnant, and agreed on what to do as a team if that happened to us. I am not sexually closed minded, and so we’ve enjoyed a healthy sex life. I told him about my dealbreakers and explained why I wasn’t bothered about him dating different women before deciding to marry me. In marriage, I demand for faithfulness; no secret affairs or relationships. I also requested for a collaboration in exploring different ways to be intimate with me.

DBM: What was the most special part of your wedding celebration?

Damian: When we hit the dancefloor at the reception. All that dancing and laughter was a lot of fun

Lololi: The exchange of vows was my special takeaway. He looked into my eyes with every promise he made

DBM: What has been the most challenging time over the years in your marriage?

Damian: The first nine years were tough on us because we couldn’t have children. I began to question everything and forgot about the agreement I made with my wife. Those were lonely times

Lololi: I found out my husband was having an affair. I rented an apartment close to my workplace, and left him alone in the house for a year. Three months out, I was pregnant with his child. The pregnancy saved my sanity, because I didn’t want to be angry anymore. I had our first son while separated. My son gave me focus, and made me laugh and smile again. Dam swore on the life of our little boy, never to cheat on me again. The promise of fidelity is an important part of my marriage, and true happiness occurs when you are with the right person who respects your value enough to not want to take the risk of hurting or losing you by doing something utterly stupid.

DBM: What are you proudest of as a couple?

Damian: I am proud of my ability to choose monogamy as my lifestyle. It has helped me to form an honest commitment to just my wife. I have found fulfilment in my wife, marriage and family

Lololi: I had to learn how to forgive Dam, at a point where I couldn’t. I prayed to God for a heart like His, so I could do the right thing for my family. Forgiveness has been my proudest moment.

DBM: What does marriage mean to you?

Damian: Giving our relationship the best chance to thrive and succeed.

Lololi: Marriage has inspired me to love myself the most. It’s been my guide to set stronger boundaries to protect my sanity and what serves me. I am not defined by the fact that we are a ‘we’ in this union. I own my voice, actions and opinions, and have been true to myself for the past 25 years.

DBM: You have the last word

Damian: It’s easy to take your spouse for granted if you’re with them all the time. My marriage is better now because I have come to accept that, not everyday will be perfect; not every day will even feel great, and that has to be okay with me.

Lololi: A woman should not give up control over her decisions, just to get married or date a man. Being in love is not the main event of your entire life, so do not see the world through the eyes of the man you love by buying every excuse given you hook, line and sinker. Connect with your inner voice, connect with your passion and dreams, connect with your energy and strength; connect with all of your feelings, especially with anger. Do not leave your sense of self behind so you can make others happy.

Image Credit: Korede Adenola

Let’s Talk To Diahann

Written by David B on March 13, 2023. Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 61: My name is Diahann

DBM: Hello Diahann. How would you describe yourself?

Diahann: I would describe myself as compassionate, and I know I will not hurt anyone intentionally. I am relatable, well-rounded, and know how to have a lot of fun – probably because I’ve been around the block quite a number of times. My boyfriend says, I bring so much fulfillment and satisfaction in our relationship.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Diahann: Oh, a cool 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Diahann: I am secretly dating one of my girlfriends’ ex-husband. It’s a secret relationship because I don’t know how she’s going to take the news if I am to break it to her. I am worried about her reaction if she’s to find out on her own. I am trying to prevent her getting hurt or feeling betrayed.

DBM: How long have you been dating him?

Diahann: Almost three years.

DBM: How long was he married to your friend?

Diahann: Seven years and some coins.

DBM: When was their divorce finalized?

Diahann: November of 2018

DBM: Was he your friend when he was with your friend?

Diahann: Yes, but not as close as I was with his ex-wife

DBM: Your friend, you mean?

Diahann: Yes!

DBM: What did you know about their marriage?

Diahann: I knew she wasn’t happy with him. There were times she could call me and cry and complain about his affairs with other women.

DBM: And, what were you telling her?

Diahann: First and foremost, it was difficult for me to just sit my behind somewhere, discussing her marriage in the absence of her ex. They are both my friends, and I wasn’t sure I was the best person for her to come to. The second thing is, my friend was suffering in silence in her marriage; it wasn’t working as she had hoped it would. I suggested she dealt with the situation or simply move on. Life is short, Dave. No one deserves to be frustrated by a spouse – all in the name of marriage.

DBM: Has your boyfriend told you his side of the reason for the divorce?

Diahann: All he said was, she wouldn’t stop getting on his last nerve

DBM: Did you by any chance get in the way of their marriage?

Diahann: Get in the way how?

DBM: Interfere with your opinions as her sounding-board of a sort

Diahann: No. It wasn’t my place to

DBM: Did you or your boyfriend ever seek any form of emotional connection with one another, while he was married to your friend?

Diahann: Never. In fact, I hated him for always causing my friend pain and unhappiness

DBM: If you suspect that one of your close friends is hanging around your ex-boyfriend, would you want her to let her intentions known to you?

Diahann: I don’t think so. That would be entirely her business. He is my ex for a reason

DBM: How did your relationship with him begin?

Diahann: I was supposed to be on a date with a guy who stood me up. My boyfriend just happened to be eating at the same restaurant. He saw me, and joined me at my table to build conversation since I was alone. When he realized my date wasn’t showing, he kept me company. He ordered food for me and the conversations continued. We hadn’t talked nor seen each other since their divorce

DBM: Did you tell your friend about your date, and how her ex-husband just happened to be there to keep you company?

Diahann: She knew I was stood up; we had been texting the whole of that afternoon to prepare me for my date. I didn’t mention the ex-husband part though

DBM: Why not?

Diahann: I didn’t think it was important

DBM: At what point did you realize you liked him?

Diahann: Right at the table on my date fiasco. He says, he realized how awesome I was, right at the beginning of our ‘first’ unplanned date lunch. He kissed me unexpectedly after eating, and I kissed back. He fell in love with me, and I would add, has been loyal to me. He respects me and our relationship, and understands my worth

DBM: I see. He fell in love with you, right there and then?

Diahann: Yes, that’s what he told me.

DBM: It does happen, I don’t doubt you.

Diahann: He did not contact me for about a week after the ‘date’. I didn’t sulk or feel hurt. He called on the eighth day to ask for a proper date night. That evening, I knew I was falling madly in love with him because the kiss had been on my mind for days.

DBM: We’re talking about the same guy you hated because he was making the life of your friend, a living hell?

Diahann: Same one. I’ve come to understand that, he’s not the type of man to hurt a woman for the fun of it. I had been pretending with my feelings for months till he told me how much he loves me

DBM: How much is his love for you?

Diahann: Worth more than 100 Cedis

DBM: Are you in love with him?

Diahann: I am all over him in love. I had to change my perceptions about him to accommodate his love for me.

DBM: Why do you think you fell for him that quickly?

Diahann: Because I know him. Also, he has something to add to every conversation we have. To be honest, until my friend started criticizing him about their marriage, I aways assumed he was a cool catch. I haven’t been so easy to get, nor so eager to please. He’s just been the perfect gentleman with my experience with him. Also, I made it hard for him to read me like a book on our ‘first’ date. I had blocked myself emotionally to him to get through to. He’s the real deal

DBM: For how long is he going to remain your best kept secret?

Diahann: That’s what I am trying to figure out.

DBM: In your opinion, was your friend right about her ex-husband?

Diahann: Since becoming a couple, he’s accounted for all his flaws, and is working through them to become a better man for me. Right now, our relationship is our most important friendship. And so far, it’s been working out just fine.

DBM: I am happy for you.

Image Credit: Gustavo Fring

Let’s Talk To Stacy

Written by David B on March 1, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 58: My name is Stacy

DBM: Hi Stacy. How would you describe yourself?

Stacy: There is not much to say

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Stacy: 3

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Stacy: My cousin is pregnant for my husband. He told me about their relationship not long ago.

DBM: Why did he tell you?

Stacy: Because he realized I had been my happiest since finding out about her pregnancy.

DBM: Has she confirmed what your husband has made known to you?

Stacy: Yes!

DBM: What did she say?

Stacy: She said she was sorry

DBM: That was that?

Stacy: I couldn’t ask any more questions

DBM: Why?

Stacy: Dave, I still don’t know why

DBM: You cannot fix what you will not confront

Stacy: I know!

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Stacy: I don’t even know how I feel about them right now. My cousin has been my biggest encouragement throughout the years. She’s given me the best laughs and smiles anytime we were together. I don’t understand why they could do this to me.

DBM: How are you taking it all in at home with your husband?

Stacy: It’s not easy. I am heartbroken at this point. I am trying to stay strong for our marriage but it’s not getting me anywhere.

DBM: I don’t think it’s your place to be ‘strong’ for a spouse or significant other who has chosen to cheat on you.

Stacy: A lot of people look up to us and our marriage. My fear is disappointing them if I am to opt for a divorce.

DBM: How long are you willing to save face?

Stacy: Hmmm! But is it okay to walk away from an 11-year-old marriage?

DBM: What do you want to do?

Stacy: I don’t know for now.

DBM: You love him?

Stacy: I love my husband dearly, but I do not like what he’s done to our marriage. It’s a dealbreaker for me. I am concerned about our children and what others would say if I walk away.

DBM: Do you want to walk away?

Stacy: Yes!

DBM: Why?

Stacy: Because he broke our covenant, and I cannot trust him anymore. Dave, a lot of men have expressed interest in me, even with the knowledge of my marital status. The love and respect I have for my husband has been the enabling knock pushing other admirers away. Why couldn’t my husband show me the same measure of respect? I have chosen transparency in our marriage because I want to be honest with him through and through.

DBM: He’s been honest with you now, no?

Stacy: I don’t think I am willing to allow him to dust me with his dirt. I feel betrayed.

DBM: You can love someone enough to let them go

Stacy: I know, but who would want a mother of two kids?

DBM: Stacy, ‘a mother of two kids’ is also a whole package. You’re a good-looking woman, and there is someone to love on you wholeheartedly – without making you feel that because you’re a mother of two, something is inadequate about you.

Stacy: True!

DBM: Again, your husband did mess up but try not to judge him based on his worst day

Stacy: It’s actually not fair to say that to me. He had a choice to be disciplined

DBM: When it comes to love and its commitments, discipline is a MUST, and not a choice.

Stacy: Exactly, Dave. I equally get tempted to look elsewhere when situations in our marriage makes him less than the stellar man to hold up high. This is not the first time that I have been tempted to cut things off between us. This is not the first time I have been tempted to cheat on my husband because my gut was telling me he was entertaining another woman. I have been hanging in there, hoping our commitments to one another would get better.

DBM: So, he’s been unfaithful in the marriage before?

Stacy: Yes! He made me question my over-reactiveness and sensitivity. He made me believe I was misinterpreting everything. Cheating has never been worth it for me. I believe as a couple, we all do well when we decide to do better.

DBM: I concur!

Stacy: The grass has also looked greener on the other side for me, but…

DBM: I get you.

Stacy: And the reason why I am not willing to fight for this marriage any longer is that, my husband told my cousin I am a ‘decent’ woman – and will go to unusual lengths just to keep him and the marriage happy.

DBM: Are you his definition of decency?

Stacy: I was

DBM: Do you feel obliged to choose your husband and marriage because of the children or what others would think?

Stacy: I used to, but I am beginning to realize I have to care more about what I deserve

DBM: I know you may have expected more from your husband. And I can understand how disheartening his actions have been

Stacy: How do I get over the fear of letting people down?

DBM: Which people?

Stacy: My children, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends, church members, etc.

DBM: I usually do not care so much about what others think of me. Fortunately or unfortunately, love and peace of mind are two of the most important things in my life. If I were in your shoes, I would follow my heart and not the opinions of others. Refuse to live up to the expectations of others. After all, not everyone will agree with your convictions

Stacy: When do you think I will find it in my heart to forgive him, even if we go our separate ways?

DBM: You would have to move to forgiveness in your own time. I don’t rush myself into forgiving people. I can’t force you to forgive me either, should I wrong you. You get me?

Stacy: You’ve been very helpful.

DBM: I’m glad to know.

Image Credits: Tobit Nazar Nieto Hernandez

Let’s Talk To Phyllis

Written by David B on February 21, 2023. Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 57: I am Phyllis

DBM: Hello Phyllis. How would you describe yourself?

Phyllis: I am real, I am not fake; I am strong in my faith and firm in my beliefs.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Phyllis: I’ve dated my fiancé for five years and we were already talking marriage this year. I would admittedly have been the luckiest lady to have him as my man three weeks ago, if I hadn’t found out about what he had been up to.

DBM: What has he been up to?

Phyllis: Let me start from the beginning. When we met, he was struggling to find his feet. I had no problem with that because he is smart and a goal chaser. He’s the guy who would work hard when the crunch is on, and still get the result. He’s not been the type that needs someone to motivate him; he’s always encouraging himself. He is strong and resilient, except when he’s being a softie. We’re both trained in the same field and in many ways, I could see the buoyancy that allows me to rise above problems and adversity in him. That was the first connection I felt between us when he approached me at the filling station with his résumé.

DBM: How old is he?

Phyllis: 39

DBM: How old are you?

Phyllis: 36

DBM: Okay

Phyllis: I helped him to find his current job and he’s been doing exceptionally well. He is respected by his peers. He fell sick two years ago and had to undergo three different surgeries. I used part of my savings to help clear his bills. There was this big contract his firm needed to secure, and him being the team lead for that particular assignment didn’t know how to put a convincing presentation together. He knew this was my field, and so he asked for my help. It took me two weeks to put everything in the bid together. I coached him and his team during weekends at home to get them to familiarize themselves with my work. They won the contract for their firm and he got a deserving commission. I was expecting to get my cut from his over 32,000 United States Dollar commission but he did not bring me in on it. His four other teammates made 15,000 USD each, and they all gave me 5000 USD off their cut.

DBM: What was the agreement between you two?

Phyllis: There was no agreement or payment terms discussed. I was just helping a boyfriend to secure a job contract, which eventually, got him a promotion.

DBM: Okay! But has he paid the money you used in clearing his hospital bills?

Phyllis: No!

DBM: Is he expected to pay back?

Phyllis: As a rational human being, I would have made attempts to pay back if I were him. I think because I haven’t specifically asked for the money, he is thinking it’s a gift.

DBM: Is it a gift?

Phyllis: No!

DBM: I see

Phyllis: I needed to use his phone to make a quick phone call because mine was on low battery. He was asleep when I picked the phone. An unread message was on the screen, and it was coming from another woman, telling him she loves him too.

DBM: Meaning, he told her he loves her?

Phyllis: He did! A lot of their chats had been deleted, and so there was nothing to see. I saved her number on my phone and tried to send her MoMo to see the name registered to it. I knew her; my company had worked for her father’s company before. It was their company that awarded my boyfriend’s firm the huge contract.

DBM: The proposal you worked on?

Phyllis: Same one.

DBM: Are you friends with this other lady?

Phyllis: I am not, but I know her

DBM: Why do you think he is dating her?

Phyllis: I confronted him and he told me he is in love with the both of us, and that, I shouldn’t force him to choose.

DBM: What does he mean by ‘don’t force him to choose’?

Phyllis: Dave, I am trying not to involve too many emotions into evaluating his actions, but I realized somewhere along the line, after winning that contract, that he wasn’t putting enough effort to be there for me when I needed him. I was basically the only one going out of my way to make things work in the relationship.

DBM: Was he present to you?

Phyllis: I wouldn’t know, because it seemed like all the little and big things I was doing for him often went unseen and I felt like my presence was actually in the shadow of his selfishness.

DBM: When did he propose marriage to you?

Phyllis: After he recovered from his third surgery.

DBM: Are you satisfied with the type of man he is?

Phyllis: He is a good guy

DBM: Is this ‘good guy’ the right man for you to marry?

Phyllis: Dave, being single can be unbearable, and I don’t know if I am in the right frame of mind right now, but he feels wrong to marry though he is the right man for me.

DBM: Why does he ‘feel wrong’?

Phyllis: I thought we had a strong partnership built on trust. With the introduction of this other woman in his life, I feel like there is this crack in the foundation of what we share.

DBM: Getting married to an unfaithful man has no power to keep the relationship, or even you from experiencing feelings you’d likely rather not have to go through.

Phyllis: What do I do now?

DBM: If I were in your shoes, I would make time for me, so I could find ways to regain my sense of self.

Phyllis: What do I do with him at the meantime?

DBM: Avoid him as much as physically and electronically

Phyllis: But we live together

DBM: Whose house, is it?

Phyllis: Mine

DBM: You have your answer.

Phyllis: He’s the only man I’ve really loved

DBM: I can imagine but being in love is not enough to make a relationship a healthy one. Is what he is doing to you going to make you happy down the line – if he’s unable to stick to only you? You need time to process everything that has happened if you’re uncertain of being able to compromise rather too much.

Image Credit: Muhammadtaha Ibrahim

Let’s Talk To Ladybird

Written by David B on February 1, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 50: Ladybird

DBM: Hi Ladybird. How would you describe yourself?

Ladybird: I have my shit together. I am a strong woman

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ladybird: My father’s straightforward dishonesty has had a mammoth effect on my opinions of men. I am supposed to be getting married in March, and I can’t find it in me to believe my fiancé is any different from my father.

DBM: What did your father do to you?

Ladybird: It’s not about what he did to me, but what he put my mother through. My father is the kindest man I’ve ever seen, but he’s not been faithful to my mother – for as long as I can remember. He takes risks for other women, but never for my mother.

DBM: Is your mother his wife?

Ladybird: Yes! They’ve been married for 37 years

DBM: What has your father’s character got to do with your man?

Ladybird: They’re good friends. In fact, my dad calls him ‘son’. Dave, ‘show me your friend…’

DBM: ‘And I will show you your future’

Ladybird: Thank you! My dad has so much influence on my guy, and my fiancé also knows about the deeds on my father. He doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with his behavior. One of his colleagues at work told me just recently, that my guy used to introduce single ladies to my dad.

DBM: How long has he known your dad?

Ladybird: Longer than I have known him. He used to work for dad. I love my father, don’t get me wrong, but I do not trust him.

DBM: I understand what you mean

Ladybird: I feel like I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life

DBM: You’re talking about marriage?

Ladybird: Yes! Since I found out my man used to introduce girls to my dad, I can’t help but to look at the both of them with disgust.

DBM: Have you asked him about the gossip fed to you?

Ladybird: I have. He laughed and said, ‘don’t mind them’

DBM: Lady, people around us judge us from their perceptions and opinions of what or who they think we are. If we are to simply jump on, or believe every observation made about us by people who do not have a clue about our upbringing, and allow what they say to impact our experiences with the people we care about, then it’s going to be hard for you to love on anyone based on your own truth about them.

Ladybird: I get that part

DBM: You need to know and experience people for yourself, without somebody else throwing reasons in your face

Ladybird: My father is a liar, and a cheat. Nobody’s opinion informed me on this. He’s repeatedly broken the trust that he’s entitled to in his marriage to my mother.

DBM: Noted! How about your boyfriend, has he given you any reason to doubt him?

Ladybird: Not really, but I suspect he is no different from my father

DBM: How so?

Ladybird: He is often on his phone, and some calls and texts are taken outside. He ignores certain phone calls when he is seated next to me. And, just like my father, he is of the opinion that a man has the right to do whatever he wants. He can be very self-centered.

DBM: How long have you guys been dating?

Ladybird: Four years.

DBM: I see

Ladybird: He is the ‘Mr. I know it all’, just like my father. He also drinks a lot. I hate to be making all these comparisons at this crucial time of my engagement, but he’s also a charmer. He will charm the panties off any woman.

DBM: Then, he may be doing just that.

Ladybird: Exactly what I have been thinking all this while. Dave, I am not assuming on him, but I strongly feel he is able to lie to me just as easily as my father does with my mom. Whenever he comes home, he has very little to discuss about his life outside. He would rather talk about other unimportant issues than to speak about his real activities in the day. Because he doesn’t want to be caught up in his web of lies, should he speak more

DBM: He is not your father’s image; I hope you know that?

Ladybird: I know

DBM: Good! What about him made you accept his proposal?

Ladybird: I was first attracted to his style of dressing, impeccable. I also liked that he put his family first at all times. I liked the way he spoke, and he’s a smart-ass.

DBM: Okay! Do you love him?

Ladybird: I do, and I am scared

DBM: Why are you scared?

Ladybird: I feel like he’s going to let me down already.

DBM: We are all capable of letting people down. People fail us, just as we sometimes also disappoint others. No one is perfect. The question you need to be asking yourself is, is your guy the type that would rather choose not to display these negative attributes in order not to betray your trust in him?

Ladybird: I don’t trust him 100%

DBM: Are you going ahead with your wedding in March?

Ladybird: Would you, if you were in my shoes?

DBM: If I am in love with you, then I should be able to count on you to be reliable; I should be able to count on you to have my back; to do what is right and do right by me. Those are the only conditions that would inspire me to want to take the next step in a relationship.

Ladybird: I doubt my guy, and I am not sure about his fidelity and dependability.

DBM: Fair enough. However, do not forget that he is not solely responsible for creating the distrustful feelings you’re entertaining. You’re equally to take responsibility due to the effect your father’s way of life has had on you.

Image Credit: Polina Kovaleva

Tag: Love

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