Tag: Love

Let’s Talk To Krys

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 8 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 67: Krys

DBM: Hi Krys. How would you describe yourself?

Krys: I am a lucky girl in my mid 30’s. I am curious, enthusiastic, a risk taker, very compassionate, open-minded; I care about this world and I believe I can help in making it a better place because I have the courage to try.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Krys: Can I say 11?

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Krys: Someone I care about just asked me to marry him

DBM: Has he got a name?

Krys: I prefer keeping him anonymous

DBM: Okay! How did you meet?

Krys: I was supposed to pick a colleague I work with to work. I had been going round and round to find the direction given me, because I did not know his area very well. I’m also slightly stubborn. I don’t like asking strangers for direction when I am lost. I saw an elderly mom standing by a locked gate. She looked like everything that could go wrong had gone wrong on her. I stopped by her gate to ask for direction, but realized she didn’t even stay in the neighborhood. She had come from Kyebi that early morning to surprise her son – who was celebrating his birthday that day. He didn’t know his mother was coming over, so he had locked up. The woman complained about missing the first bus coming to Accra due to a mechanical problem. Her handbag also got stolen at Kaneshie. She explained her situation and begged me to call her son, because her phone was in the stolen handbag. I handed her my phone to make the call. We got to know that her son had already reached his job station. He couldn’t come back home because he had to prepare for a meeting. I asked for direction to his workplace, and also asked about the route to take from his house to my colleague’s compound. The old lady joined my ride to pick my friend and drop him at work, and then sent her to her son’s office for his house keys.

DBM: That was very kind of you

Krys: Dave, I am always looking for ways to spread kindness. I don’t mind smiling at everyone. I don’t mind cracking dry jokes just to hear people laugh. I seriously do not mind to act foolishly if it’s going to bring a smile to someone’s face. That’s who I am

DBM: What happened next?

Krys: He suggested his mother stayed at his workplace till close of work, so they could go home together, but she wanted to go to the house and rest. She asked if I wouldn’t mind taking her back to the son’s residence. Really, I didn’t mind. I had started to like her already because we had been bonding in my car. By the way, her son is very handsome. In fact, in the process of convincing him that I didn’t have any problem with driving his mother back to his place, our eyes locked after smiling at each other. It was more subtle than just staring at each other.

DBM: How long did the eye contact flirting last?

Krys: Probably 15 seconds or more

DBM: You liked what you were seeing?

Krys: Very much. It felt like he was expressing his love and admiration for me

DBM: Weren’t you late for work?

Krys: I was but I had to see this through. I couldn’t stop myself from holding his gaze when he was talking to me

DBM: Fast forward to when you brough his mother home

Krys: She hugged me really tight, like she wasn’t going to let go.

DBM: Awww!

Krys: I read her son’s first text message while driving back to work. He was at his meeting but couldn’t concentrate.

DBM: Why is that?

Krys: I was on his mind

DBM: Were you thinking about him too?

Krys: Yes. And I was replaying that morning’s incident all over again. To say, everything happens for a reason knocked the wind out of me would be an understatement. My heart and mind smiled lighter and harder as I was unable to understand what was happening. That afternoon, we agreed to have lunch at a restaurant – where we sat next to each other and continued talking and smiling. Dave, I liked him immediately but we had to go to work after the hour.

DBM: Was he single?

Krys: He was. That was the first question I asked when we met for lunch

DBM: Good!

Krys: After work, he suggested we met for dinner at a different restaurant

DBM: Was this a date or something?

Krys: That’s the confusing part of it all: I wasn’t exactly sure about what we were doing. It was too soon to call it a date, even though he offered to pay for the meal. We talked and enjoyed each other’s company late into the night. It was his birthday. I was smitten.

DBM: Good for you.

Krys: Yes

DBM: Did you hear from his mother again?

Krys: I joined them for dinner that weekend at home. She was very happy seeing the two of us happy. She assured her of her approval of me if he were to consider dating me. She was rooting for us to be in a relationship. She encouraged her son to ask me out if he liked me, and put his heart out there and tell me how he feels about me. She asked me how I felt about her son

DBM: At dinner?

Krys: At dinner.

DBM: That was ballsy of her

Krys: We’ve been in a relationship for four years now

DBM: What do you like about him?

Krys: He’s a great guy. Even when he is driving me crazy, and I am driving him nuts, there is still so much for me to be thankful for. He loves to do things with me. He is passionate about his relationship with me. He is a great listener, and very compassionate. He is the most positive person I have ever come across. Edwin embodies all the characteristics of love in first Corinthians, even when I annoy him.

DBM: His name is Edwin

Krys: Yes, how did you know?

DBM: You called him out.

Krys: Edwin is patient; Ed is kind. Edwin does not envy; he does not boast, he is not proud. Edwin does not dishonor others; he is not self-seeking, my darling is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. Ed does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. His love is yet to fail me.

DBM: That’s a good man right here

Krys: David, I don’t know what I did to deserve a man like him. He is too good to be true

DBM: So is GOD

Krys: I believe in God

DBM: Then believe He’s thought ahead of time to gift you with Edwin, a man after your own heart – who will do things to make your life easier.

Image Credit: Godisable Jacob

Let’s Talk To Damian and Lololi

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 66: I am Damian. My wife’s name is Lololi. We want to participate individually in one segment

DBM: Hello Damian and Lololi. How would you describe yourselves?

Damian: I am tall, dark and handsome. I work for what I have, that’s why my accomplishments taste even sweeter. My wife can attest to this: I confidently hold the floor with exceptional footwork to dance my heart out. I am 59 years, slightly stubborn, but a great dad and husband. My best attribute is randomly having to woo my wife

Lololi: Dam is right about one thing; he’s got crazy dance moves. I am 56 years young, thriving professionally and my own woman. I do not have it all, but I have a bit of everything a woman dreams of. Always been independent; I am a picky eater, I can take silly jokes, and have the basic understanding of time. I can hold a conversation about almost anything with anyone, and I take very good care of my body.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Damian: I am 8

Lololi: 7 for me

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Damian: Our 25-year wedding anniversary is this July. I want to talk about my wife and how far we have come

Lololi: I have fallen in and out of love with my husband for the past 25 years. I want to share how I have been able to keep my part of the marriage going when I was out of love

DBM: How did you meet?

Damian: My wife is my ex-girlfriend’s best friend. My cousin had come to Ghana for a short visit, and had asked my then ex, if she knew of any single friends to go on a date with him. It was my third date with her friend. She talked me into agreeing to a double date with my wife and his cousin. That was how we met and decided to make the swap

Lololi: One of my best friends was trying to facilitate a hookup between me and Dam’s favorite cousin. We went on a double date and it was my first time meeting my husband. My friend had told me about Damian, because their relationship was just two weeks old. She had told me she liked him but wasn’t sure he was her type. I remember she once told me; her date was the type I liked. There was a live band playing and Dam asked me to dance with him to my surprise. I agreed to the dance not expecting to like him. My friend was okay with the idea. His cousin, who was supposed to be my date for the evening, danced with my friend, and I actually saw them exchanging numbers. We were on opposite sides, and Dam asked if I was going to have to see his cousin again. His cousin walked to us and told Dam, he felt he had a lot in common with his date. He asked for his permission to date his woman, and he agreed, because he actually felt there was an ongoing chemistry between us.

DBM: Damian, how far had you gone sexually with your ex-date prior to the double date?

Damian: We hadn’t gotten to that stage yet. Our relationship was still fresh

DBM: Where is your cousin and the lady now?

Damian: They’re in Canada, married with children

DBM: At what point did you both know you were meant to be?

Damian: Marriage had always been a huge commitment to undertake. I love to have a lot of fun, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to spend the rest of my life with just one woman. My wife gave me the freedom to express my fears and concerns, without the feeling of judgement. Our friendship was such that, she did not place a demand to make me afraid of losing her. She realized I liked girls a lot, so she gave me the liberty to date other women before settling on one. Unfortunately for me, anytime I was out with another woman, and need to say I went out with a lot, I was always thinking about Lololi. That was when I knew I would rather hang out with her than anyone else. Because I was calling her every evening and sharing every little detail about my day with her.

Lololi: I fell in love with Dam because he is kind and compassionate, very funny and would put me first. I knew he was the man for me because he was taking up a major real space in my mind. I craved for his presence, and did not want happiness for just myself, but for him too. I could confidently trust in my decision to want to be with him, and how he made me feel.

DBM: What were some of your talking points before tying the knot?

Damian: For me, money is everything when it comes to a relationship. Before we married, we had a heart to heart talk on how to prioritize our spending habits. We discussed the sharing of expenses. The second important conversation was about sex. I have entered a relationship in the past because of sex; I have left a relationship because of lack of sex. My overall quality of life looks balanced because I have a lot of good sex.

Lololi: I brought up the topic of children. Luckily for us, we both wanted to have kids. We talked about the possibility of struggling to get pregnant, and agreed on what to do as a team if that happened to us. I am not sexually closed minded, and so we’ve enjoyed a healthy sex life. I told him about my dealbreakers and explained why I wasn’t bothered about him dating different women before deciding to marry me. In marriage, I demand for faithfulness; no secret affairs or relationships. I also requested for a collaboration in exploring different ways to be intimate with me.

DBM: What was the most special part of your wedding celebration?

Damian: When we hit the dancefloor at the reception. All that dancing and laughter was a lot of fun

Lololi: The exchange of vows was my special takeaway. He looked into my eyes with every promise he made

DBM: What has been the most challenging time over the years in your marriage?

Damian: The first nine years were tough on us because we couldn’t have children. I began to question everything and forgot about the agreement I made with my wife. Those were lonely times

Lololi: I found out my husband was having an affair. I rented an apartment close to my workplace, and left him alone in the house for a year. Three months out, I was pregnant with his child. The pregnancy saved my sanity, because I didn’t want to be angry anymore. I had our first son while separated. My son gave me focus, and made me laugh and smile again. Dam swore on the life of our little boy, never to cheat on me again. The promise of fidelity is an important part of my marriage, and true happiness occurs when you are with the right person who respects your value enough to not want to take the risk of hurting or losing you by doing something utterly stupid.

DBM: What are you proudest of as a couple?

Damian: I am proud of my ability to choose monogamy as my lifestyle. It has helped me to form an honest commitment to just my wife. I have found fulfilment in my wife, marriage and family

Lololi: I had to learn how to forgive Dam, at a point where I couldn’t. I prayed to God for a heart like His, so I could do the right thing for my family. Forgiveness has been my proudest moment.

DBM: What does marriage mean to you?

Damian: Giving our relationship the best chance to thrive and succeed.

Lololi: Marriage has inspired me to love myself the most. It’s been my guide to set stronger boundaries to protect my sanity and what serves me. I am not defined by the fact that we are a ‘we’ in this union. I own my voice, actions and opinions, and have been true to myself for the past 25 years.

DBM: You have the last word

Damian: It’s easy to take your spouse for granted if you’re with them all the time. My marriage is better now because I have come to accept that, not everyday will be perfect; not every day will even feel great, and that has to be okay with me.

Lololi: A woman should not give up control over her decisions, just to get married or date a man. Being in love is not the main event of your entire life, so do not see the world through the eyes of the man you love by buying every excuse given you hook, line and sinker. Connect with your inner voice, connect with your passion and dreams, connect with your energy and strength; connect with all of your feelings, especially with anger. Do not leave your sense of self behind so you can make others happy.

Image Credit: Korede Adenola

Let’s Talk To Diahann

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 61: My name is Diahann

DBM: Hello Diahann. How would you describe yourself?

Diahann: I would describe myself as compassionate, and I know I will not hurt anyone intentionally. I am relatable, well-rounded, and know how to have a lot of fun – probably because I’ve been around the block quite a number of times. My boyfriend says, I bring so much fulfillment and satisfaction in our relationship.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Diahann: Oh, a cool 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Diahann: I am secretly dating one of my girlfriends’ ex-husband. It’s a secret relationship because I don’t know how she’s going to take the news if I am to break it to her. I am worried about her reaction if she’s to find out on her own. I am trying to prevent her getting hurt or feeling betrayed.

DBM: How long have you been dating him?

Diahann: Almost three years.

DBM: How long was he married to your friend?

Diahann: Seven years and some coins.

DBM: When was their divorce finalized?

Diahann: November of 2018

DBM: Was he your friend when he was with your friend?

Diahann: Yes, but not as close as I was with his ex-wife

DBM: Your friend, you mean?

Diahann: Yes!

DBM: What did you know about their marriage?

Diahann: I knew she wasn’t happy with him. There were times she could call me and cry and complain about his affairs with other women.

DBM: And, what were you telling her?

Diahann: First and foremost, it was difficult for me to just sit my behind somewhere, discussing her marriage in the absence of her ex. They are both my friends, and I wasn’t sure I was the best person for her to come to. The second thing is, my friend was suffering in silence in her marriage; it wasn’t working as she had hoped it would. I suggested she dealt with the situation or simply move on. Life is short, Dave. No one deserves to be frustrated by a spouse – all in the name of marriage.

DBM: Has your boyfriend told you his side of the reason for the divorce?

Diahann: All he said was, she wouldn’t stop getting on his last nerve

DBM: Did you by any chance get in the way of their marriage?

Diahann: Get in the way how?

DBM: Interfere with your opinions as her sounding-board of a sort

Diahann: No. It wasn’t my place to

DBM: Did you or your boyfriend ever seek any form of emotional connection with one another, while he was married to your friend?

Diahann: Never. In fact, I hated him for always causing my friend pain and unhappiness

DBM: If you suspect that one of your close friends is hanging around your ex-boyfriend, would you want her to let her intentions known to you?

Diahann: I don’t think so. That would be entirely her business. He is my ex for a reason

DBM: How did your relationship with him begin?

Diahann: I was supposed to be on a date with a guy who stood me up. My boyfriend just happened to be eating at the same restaurant. He saw me, and joined me at my table to build conversation since I was alone. When he realized my date wasn’t showing, he kept me company. He ordered food for me and the conversations continued. We hadn’t talked nor seen each other since their divorce

DBM: Did you tell your friend about your date, and how her ex-husband just happened to be there to keep you company?

Diahann: She knew I was stood up; we had been texting the whole of that afternoon to prepare me for my date. I didn’t mention the ex-husband part though

DBM: Why not?

Diahann: I didn’t think it was important

DBM: At what point did you realize you liked him?

Diahann: Right at the table on my date fiasco. He says, he realized how awesome I was, right at the beginning of our ‘first’ unplanned date lunch. He kissed me unexpectedly after eating, and I kissed back. He fell in love with me, and I would add, has been loyal to me. He respects me and our relationship, and understands my worth

DBM: I see. He fell in love with you, right there and then?

Diahann: Yes, that’s what he told me.

DBM: It does happen, I don’t doubt you.

Diahann: He did not contact me for about a week after the ‘date’. I didn’t sulk or feel hurt. He called on the eighth day to ask for a proper date night. That evening, I knew I was falling madly in love with him because the kiss had been on my mind for days.

DBM: We’re talking about the same guy you hated because he was making the life of your friend, a living hell?

Diahann: Same one. I’ve come to understand that, he’s not the type of man to hurt a woman for the fun of it. I had been pretending with my feelings for months till he told me how much he loves me

DBM: How much is his love for you?

Diahann: Worth more than 100 Cedis

DBM: Are you in love with him?

Diahann: I am all over him in love. I had to change my perceptions about him to accommodate his love for me.

DBM: Why do you think you fell for him that quickly?

Diahann: Because I know him. Also, he has something to add to every conversation we have. To be honest, until my friend started criticizing him about their marriage, I aways assumed he was a cool catch. I haven’t been so easy to get, nor so eager to please. He’s just been the perfect gentleman with my experience with him. Also, I made it hard for him to read me like a book on our ‘first’ date. I had blocked myself emotionally to him to get through to. He’s the real deal

DBM: For how long is he going to remain your best kept secret?

Diahann: That’s what I am trying to figure out.

DBM: In your opinion, was your friend right about her ex-husband?

Diahann: Since becoming a couple, he’s accounted for all his flaws, and is working through them to become a better man for me. Right now, our relationship is our most important friendship. And so far, it’s been working out just fine.

DBM: I am happy for you.

Image Credit: Gustavo Fring

Let’s Talk To Stacy

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 58: My name is Stacy

DBM: Hi Stacy. How would you describe yourself?

Stacy: There is not much to say

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Stacy: 3

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Stacy: My cousin is pregnant for my husband. He told me about their relationship not long ago.

DBM: Why did he tell you?

Stacy: Because he realized I had been my happiest since finding out about her pregnancy.

DBM: Has she confirmed what your husband has made known to you?

Stacy: Yes!

DBM: What did she say?

Stacy: She said she was sorry

DBM: That was that?

Stacy: I couldn’t ask any more questions

DBM: Why?

Stacy: Dave, I still don’t know why

DBM: You cannot fix what you will not confront

Stacy: I know!

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Stacy: I don’t even know how I feel about them right now. My cousin has been my biggest encouragement throughout the years. She’s given me the best laughs and smiles anytime we were together. I don’t understand why they could do this to me.

DBM: How are you taking it all in at home with your husband?

Stacy: It’s not easy. I am heartbroken at this point. I am trying to stay strong for our marriage but it’s not getting me anywhere.

DBM: I don’t think it’s your place to be ‘strong’ for a spouse or significant other who has chosen to cheat on you.

Stacy: A lot of people look up to us and our marriage. My fear is disappointing them if I am to opt for a divorce.

DBM: How long are you willing to save face?

Stacy: Hmmm! But is it okay to walk away from an 11-year-old marriage?

DBM: What do you want to do?

Stacy: I don’t know for now.

DBM: You love him?

Stacy: I love my husband dearly, but I do not like what he’s done to our marriage. It’s a dealbreaker for me. I am concerned about our children and what others would say if I walk away.

DBM: Do you want to walk away?

Stacy: Yes!

DBM: Why?

Stacy: Because he broke our covenant, and I cannot trust him anymore. Dave, a lot of men have expressed interest in me, even with the knowledge of my marital status. The love and respect I have for my husband has been the enabling knock pushing other admirers away. Why couldn’t my husband show me the same measure of respect? I have chosen transparency in our marriage because I want to be honest with him through and through.

DBM: He’s been honest with you now, no?

Stacy: I don’t think I am willing to allow him to dust me with his dirt. I feel betrayed.

DBM: You can love someone enough to let them go

Stacy: I know, but who would want a mother of two kids?

DBM: Stacy, ‘a mother of two kids’ is also a whole package. You’re a good-looking woman, and there is someone to love on you wholeheartedly – without making you feel that because you’re a mother of two, something is inadequate about you.

Stacy: True!

DBM: Again, your husband did mess up but try not to judge him based on his worst day

Stacy: It’s actually not fair to say that to me. He had a choice to be disciplined

DBM: When it comes to love and its commitments, discipline is a MUST, and not a choice.

Stacy: Exactly, Dave. I equally get tempted to look elsewhere when situations in our marriage makes him less than the stellar man to hold up high. This is not the first time that I have been tempted to cut things off between us. This is not the first time I have been tempted to cheat on my husband because my gut was telling me he was entertaining another woman. I have been hanging in there, hoping our commitments to one another would get better.

DBM: So, he’s been unfaithful in the marriage before?

Stacy: Yes! He made me question my over-reactiveness and sensitivity. He made me believe I was misinterpreting everything. Cheating has never been worth it for me. I believe as a couple, we all do well when we decide to do better.

DBM: I concur!

Stacy: The grass has also looked greener on the other side for me, but…

DBM: I get you.

Stacy: And the reason why I am not willing to fight for this marriage any longer is that, my husband told my cousin I am a ‘decent’ woman – and will go to unusual lengths just to keep him and the marriage happy.

DBM: Are you his definition of decency?

Stacy: I was

DBM: Do you feel obliged to choose your husband and marriage because of the children or what others would think?

Stacy: I used to, but I am beginning to realize I have to care more about what I deserve

DBM: I know you may have expected more from your husband. And I can understand how disheartening his actions have been

Stacy: How do I get over the fear of letting people down?

DBM: Which people?

Stacy: My children, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends, church members, etc.

DBM: I usually do not care so much about what others think of me. Fortunately or unfortunately, love and peace of mind are two of the most important things in my life. If I were in your shoes, I would follow my heart and not the opinions of others. Refuse to live up to the expectations of others. After all, not everyone will agree with your convictions

Stacy: When do you think I will find it in my heart to forgive him, even if we go our separate ways?

DBM: You would have to move to forgiveness in your own time. I don’t rush myself into forgiving people. I can’t force you to forgive me either, should I wrong you. You get me?

Stacy: You’ve been very helpful.

DBM: I’m glad to know.

Image Credits: Tobit Nazar Nieto Hernandez

Let’s Talk To Phyllis

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 57: I am Phyllis

DBM: Hello Phyllis. How would you describe yourself?

Phyllis: I am real, I am not fake; I am strong in my faith and firm in my beliefs.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Phyllis: I’ve dated my fiancé for five years and we were already talking marriage this year. I would admittedly have been the luckiest lady to have him as my man three weeks ago, if I hadn’t found out about what he had been up to.

DBM: What has he been up to?

Phyllis: Let me start from the beginning. When we met, he was struggling to find his feet. I had no problem with that because he is smart and a goal chaser. He’s the guy who would work hard when the crunch is on, and still get the result. He’s not been the type that needs someone to motivate him; he’s always encouraging himself. He is strong and resilient, except when he’s being a softie. We’re both trained in the same field and in many ways, I could see the buoyancy that allows me to rise above problems and adversity in him. That was the first connection I felt between us when he approached me at the filling station with his résumé.

DBM: How old is he?

Phyllis: 39

DBM: How old are you?

Phyllis: 36

DBM: Okay

Phyllis: I helped him to find his current job and he’s been doing exceptionally well. He is respected by his peers. He fell sick two years ago and had to undergo three different surgeries. I used part of my savings to help clear his bills. There was this big contract his firm needed to secure, and him being the team lead for that particular assignment didn’t know how to put a convincing presentation together. He knew this was my field, and so he asked for my help. It took me two weeks to put everything in the bid together. I coached him and his team during weekends at home to get them to familiarize themselves with my work. They won the contract for their firm and he got a deserving commission. I was expecting to get my cut from his over 32,000 United States Dollar commission but he did not bring me in on it. His four other teammates made 15,000 USD each, and they all gave me 5000 USD off their cut.

DBM: What was the agreement between you two?

Phyllis: There was no agreement or payment terms discussed. I was just helping a boyfriend to secure a job contract, which eventually, got him a promotion.

DBM: Okay! But has he paid the money you used in clearing his hospital bills?

Phyllis: No!

DBM: Is he expected to pay back?

Phyllis: As a rational human being, I would have made attempts to pay back if I were him. I think because I haven’t specifically asked for the money, he is thinking it’s a gift.

DBM: Is it a gift?

Phyllis: No!

DBM: I see

Phyllis: I needed to use his phone to make a quick phone call because mine was on low battery. He was asleep when I picked the phone. An unread message was on the screen, and it was coming from another woman, telling him she loves him too.

DBM: Meaning, he told her he loves her?

Phyllis: He did! A lot of their chats had been deleted, and so there was nothing to see. I saved her number on my phone and tried to send her MoMo to see the name registered to it. I knew her; my company had worked for her father’s company before. It was their company that awarded my boyfriend’s firm the huge contract.

DBM: The proposal you worked on?

Phyllis: Same one.

DBM: Are you friends with this other lady?

Phyllis: I am not, but I know her

DBM: Why do you think he is dating her?

Phyllis: I confronted him and he told me he is in love with the both of us, and that, I shouldn’t force him to choose.

DBM: What does he mean by ‘don’t force him to choose’?

Phyllis: Dave, I am trying not to involve too many emotions into evaluating his actions, but I realized somewhere along the line, after winning that contract, that he wasn’t putting enough effort to be there for me when I needed him. I was basically the only one going out of my way to make things work in the relationship.

DBM: Was he present to you?

Phyllis: I wouldn’t know, because it seemed like all the little and big things I was doing for him often went unseen and I felt like my presence was actually in the shadow of his selfishness.

DBM: When did he propose marriage to you?

Phyllis: After he recovered from his third surgery.

DBM: Are you satisfied with the type of man he is?

Phyllis: He is a good guy

DBM: Is this ‘good guy’ the right man for you to marry?

Phyllis: Dave, being single can be unbearable, and I don’t know if I am in the right frame of mind right now, but he feels wrong to marry though he is the right man for me.

DBM: Why does he ‘feel wrong’?

Phyllis: I thought we had a strong partnership built on trust. With the introduction of this other woman in his life, I feel like there is this crack in the foundation of what we share.

DBM: Getting married to an unfaithful man has no power to keep the relationship, or even you from experiencing feelings you’d likely rather not have to go through.

Phyllis: What do I do now?

DBM: If I were in your shoes, I would make time for me, so I could find ways to regain my sense of self.

Phyllis: What do I do with him at the meantime?

DBM: Avoid him as much as physically and electronically

Phyllis: But we live together

DBM: Whose house, is it?

Phyllis: Mine

DBM: You have your answer.

Phyllis: He’s the only man I’ve really loved

DBM: I can imagine but being in love is not enough to make a relationship a healthy one. Is what he is doing to you going to make you happy down the line – if he’s unable to stick to only you? You need time to process everything that has happened if you’re uncertain of being able to compromise rather too much.

Image Credit: Muhammadtaha Ibrahim

Let’s Talk To Ladybird

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 50: Ladybird

DBM: Hi Ladybird. How would you describe yourself?

Ladybird: I have my shit together. I am a strong woman

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ladybird: My father’s straightforward dishonesty has had a mammoth effect on my opinions of men. I am supposed to be getting married in March, and I can’t find it in me to believe my fiancé is any different from my father.

DBM: What did your father do to you?

Ladybird: It’s not about what he did to me, but what he put my mother through. My father is the kindest man I’ve ever seen, but he’s not been faithful to my mother – for as long as I can remember. He takes risks for other women, but never for my mother.

DBM: Is your mother his wife?

Ladybird: Yes! They’ve been married for 37 years

DBM: What has your father’s character got to do with your man?

Ladybird: They’re good friends. In fact, my dad calls him ‘son’. Dave, ‘show me your friend…’

DBM: ‘And I will show you your future’

Ladybird: Thank you! My dad has so much influence on my guy, and my fiancé also knows about the deeds on my father. He doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with his behavior. One of his colleagues at work told me just recently, that my guy used to introduce single ladies to my dad.

DBM: How long has he known your dad?

Ladybird: Longer than I have known him. He used to work for dad. I love my father, don’t get me wrong, but I do not trust him.

DBM: I understand what you mean

Ladybird: I feel like I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life

DBM: You’re talking about marriage?

Ladybird: Yes! Since I found out my man used to introduce girls to my dad, I can’t help but to look at the both of them with disgust.

DBM: Have you asked him about the gossip fed to you?

Ladybird: I have. He laughed and said, ‘don’t mind them’

DBM: Lady, people around us judge us from their perceptions and opinions of what or who they think we are. If we are to simply jump on, or believe every observation made about us by people who do not have a clue about our upbringing, and allow what they say to impact our experiences with the people we care about, then it’s going to be hard for you to love on anyone based on your own truth about them.

Ladybird: I get that part

DBM: You need to know and experience people for yourself, without somebody else throwing reasons in your face

Ladybird: My father is a liar, and a cheat. Nobody’s opinion informed me on this. He’s repeatedly broken the trust that he’s entitled to in his marriage to my mother.

DBM: Noted! How about your boyfriend, has he given you any reason to doubt him?

Ladybird: Not really, but I suspect he is no different from my father

DBM: How so?

Ladybird: He is often on his phone, and some calls and texts are taken outside. He ignores certain phone calls when he is seated next to me. And, just like my father, he is of the opinion that a man has the right to do whatever he wants. He can be very self-centered.

DBM: How long have you guys been dating?

Ladybird: Four years.

DBM: I see

Ladybird: He is the ‘Mr. I know it all’, just like my father. He also drinks a lot. I hate to be making all these comparisons at this crucial time of my engagement, but he’s also a charmer. He will charm the panties off any woman.

DBM: Then, he may be doing just that.

Ladybird: Exactly what I have been thinking all this while. Dave, I am not assuming on him, but I strongly feel he is able to lie to me just as easily as my father does with my mom. Whenever he comes home, he has very little to discuss about his life outside. He would rather talk about other unimportant issues than to speak about his real activities in the day. Because he doesn’t want to be caught up in his web of lies, should he speak more

DBM: He is not your father’s image; I hope you know that?

Ladybird: I know

DBM: Good! What about him made you accept his proposal?

Ladybird: I was first attracted to his style of dressing, impeccable. I also liked that he put his family first at all times. I liked the way he spoke, and he’s a smart-ass.

DBM: Okay! Do you love him?

Ladybird: I do, and I am scared

DBM: Why are you scared?

Ladybird: I feel like he’s going to let me down already.

DBM: We are all capable of letting people down. People fail us, just as we sometimes also disappoint others. No one is perfect. The question you need to be asking yourself is, is your guy the type that would rather choose not to display these negative attributes in order not to betray your trust in him?

Ladybird: I don’t trust him 100%

DBM: Are you going ahead with your wedding in March?

Ladybird: Would you, if you were in my shoes?

DBM: If I am in love with you, then I should be able to count on you to be reliable; I should be able to count on you to have my back; to do what is right and do right by me. Those are the only conditions that would inspire me to want to take the next step in a relationship.

Ladybird: I doubt my guy, and I am not sure about his fidelity and dependability.

DBM: Fair enough. However, do not forget that he is not solely responsible for creating the distrustful feelings you’re entertaining. You’re equally to take responsibility due to the effect your father’s way of life has had on you.

Image Credit: Polina Kovaleva

Let’s Talk To Friday

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 44: Friday

DBM: Hi Friday. Please tell me a little about yourself

Friday: Can we skip this part?

DBM: Why do you want to skip it?

Friday: There is not much to tell

DBM: I want to have an idea of you

Friday: I’m a guy

DBM: Married?

Friday: Yes

DBM: You have kids?

Friday: Yes

DBM: How long have you been married?

Friday: Nine years

DBM: How old are you?

Friday: 40

DBM: Nice meeting you. What do you want to talk about?

Friday: Two things: I just saw my wife’s original birth certificate. She’s the same age as me; meanwhile she’s made me believe for all these years that she’s seven years younger than me. The second issue: she has a child I didn’t know about. He is 11 years old and lives with his father. My wife is in communication with her baby-daddy, and I have been paying for this child’s fees and taking care of the boy and his father without my knowledge.

DBM: With regards to the birth certificate thing, couldn’t you easily guess her age at a glance?

Friday: Have you met my wife? You can never know by looking at her. She’s nowhere near old

DBM: I see, but did you choose to assume she was younger or she put a number to her age?

Friday: She’s the one who lied about her age when we started dating

DBM: Has she confirmed the existence of an 11-year-old son to you?

Friday: Yes, after confronting her with evidence

DBM: Where did you find such evidence?

Friday: I read through a series of texts on her phone, which revealed that they had a past, have a present and future. I had her followed afterwards.

DBM: This is a lot to deal with

Friday: I know Dave, cry me a river, because she has been sleeping with her son’s father – all throughout our marriage.

DBM: No!

Friday: Yes!

DBM: But why would she do such a thing to you?

Friday: She says her baby-daddy is the guy who brings out her confident, sexy self, and she doesn’t know how to stop loving him because she’s deeply connected to him.

DBM: What do you bring to her life?

Friday: Security, comfort, and love. She says that’s why she fell in love with me too

DBM: Why would the first guy allow her to be married to you, if they’re still an item?

Friday: I was their financial gateway

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Friday: I don’t know if my children are mine

DBM: Have you asked your wife?

Friday: She claims they’re mine but I don’t believe a single word coming out of her mouth.

DBM: Do they look like they’re yours?

Friday: I don’t know.

DBM: Have you asked how many times they’ve been sleeping together?

Friday: Twice a week

DBM: For how long?

Friday: Since we started dating.

DBM: Have you spoken to the guy?

Friday: The three of us had a sit down

DBM: Whose idea was this?

Friday: Mine

DBM: Why?

Friday: I wanted to understand what was going on

DBM: Do you understand what’s going on?

Friday: Yes, I’ve been played big time, but my wife is still insisting she’s very much in love with me.

DBM: She’s that much into the other guy too?

Friday: Yes!

DBM: And, he’s that much into her?

Friday: Yes! But he also revealed he’s in love with another lady – to my wife’s surprise.

DBM: Why was she surprised?

Friday: Probably thought she was the only one he was doing it with

DBM: Is your wife the only woman in your life?

Friday: Honestly?

DBM: Truthfully

Friday: No!

DBM: Who else is there?

Friday: Just this one lady

DBM: You love her?

Friday: Very much!

DBM: You love your wife?

Friday: So very much

DBM: Does she know about this other woman?

Friday: No!

DBM: Why not?

Friday: Because she’s also the mother of my child

DBM: This is before or after meeting your wife?

Friday: That was just four years ago

DBM: And, how old is the child?

Friday: Two years

DBM: Where is your wife right now?

Friday: At work

DBM: No, I mean where did she sleep last night?

Friday: In our bed

DBM: You’re going to let it slide?

Friday: If our children are mine, I might forgive her

DBM: If they’re not?

Friday: I will divorce her

DBM: So, till then, she’s still fulfilling her wifely duties?

Friday: Yes

DBM: Including sex?

Friday: Yes!

DBM: When was the last time you had sex with your wife?

Friday: This dawn

DBM: Is she still seeing the other guy?

Friday: I don’t know

DBM: Do you care to know?

Friday: I think they still talk or meet, but cannot be sure about sex

DBM: Does it bother you?

Friday: I don’t think about it

DBM: Why not?

Friday: I just don’t

DBM: Are you feeling uninterested because you are torn between what you are secretly doing on your wife’s blindside?

Friday: I love my wife, that’s why I am not sure I can hold it against her.

DBM: Assuming you had been faithful to your wife all this while, and then discovered this hot mess; would you be speaking the same language?

Friday: I don’t know. What I know is, I am going to learn how to restore my trust in her all over again.

DBM: How do you understand love?

Friday: I believe love is a choice I make

DBM: I agree

Friday: Looking at what I am dealing with at home, I don’t think I fell in love with my wife. I doubt she fell in love with me too

DBM: How do you mean?

Friday: I mean we chose to instead open our hearts to each other. I opened my heart to her, and she did too, so we could see the beauty in each other. I am doing same with my baby-momma; she’s doing that with her son’s father. We are all feeling vulnerable in our respective relationships, and with our selves. We’ve allowed our guards to drop, so our hearts can open – in order to give ourselves permission to feel, love and be loved back.

DBM: That is love?

Friday: That is love for me. I get to love another woman, aside loving my wife. She’s also loving me, while connecting in love with her son’s father.

DBM: Does that mean we all have the potential to love more than just one person?

Friday: It’s actually up to the people involved and the decisions they make concerning what makes them feel good, and their capacity level.

DBM: Capacity-level in which sense?

Friday: In my case, I have the resources to manage more than one woman in my life. I have the energy to meet their physical and emotional needs; I also have their time and can make time for all involved. Both of my relationships are grounded in a solid love for one another.

Image Credit: Nothing Ahead

Let’s Talk To Apor Part 2

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Apor, thank you for agreeing to a second interview

Apor: Good news! 😁

DBM: Can she cook?

Apor: She loves to cook 😁

DBM: You’re funny. Lol! I am happy to know

Apor: I’m happy for me

DBM: Smh! 😊

Apor: My date went well

DBM: Tell me all about it

Apor: First, I was very fulfilled because she seems to have something equally going on with her life. She knows herself and what makes her happy

DBM: What brings her joy?

Apor: She’s a teacher, and she says whenever she sees her students light up because they’d understood something she was teaching, that, for her, is everything

DBM: That’s nice to know

Apor: Yeah!

DBM: Did you have fun on Wednesday?

Apor: I did. She made me feel like I could be myself. At a point, it did not even occur to me that we were two strangers getting to know each other. I wasn’t concerned about where the boundaries were because I could speak freely about anything, and make jokes about everything. It felt like I was with an old friend.

DBM: And she felt same?

Apor: I think so. When I got home after the date, I was staring at my phone wondering what to say to her next.

DBM: Hehehehe! Did you message her?

Apor: No. I needed time to reflect on the date.

DBM: Did she reach out to you that evening?

Apor: No!

DBM: Wait, as in, none of you texted to find out whether or not you had safely gotten home?

Apor: We didn’t.

DBM: Why didn’t you?

Apor: I assumed she was home and safe.

DBM: Smh! Is she worth a second date?

Apor: We went on date number two yesterday.

DBM: Oh my! You’ve been busy 😊

Apor: She made me laugh, and I think her sense of humor matches mine. We talked with each other for so long, we didn’t realize five hours had passed. Dave, to be honest, I didn’t want the date to end

DBM: Awww!  You feel you’re attracted to her?

Apor: I am. We made a lot of eye contact, and held hands on many occasions. We hugged for like one million hours when it was time to go our separate ways.

DBM: I am very happy for you.

Apor: Thank you!

DBM: What did you talk about?

Apor: We talked about our lives, jobs, families, friends, food 😁

DBM: Hehehehe! What’s her favorite food?

Apor: Banku with grilled tilapia, and hot pepper

DBM: Lol!

Apor: She looked so beautiful on Wednesday and Saturday.

DBM: You really were paying attention to her

Apor: I didn’t want to miss a thing.

DBM: Good for you

Apor: I have a question

DBM: Ask

Apor: When do I start taking our conversation to a sexual place?

DBM: Did your first date involve anything sexual?

Apor: No!

DBM: Prior to Wednesday’s and Saturday’s meet, were you texting anything sexual with her?

Apor: No!

DBM: Then, you haven’t traversed that borderline yet.

Apor: But I can’t stop thinking about it

DBM: If sex is on your mind, then don’t be afraid to raise it in one of your conversations with her. If she’s on the same page as you, she would follow your lead.

Apor: But how do I start without sending the wrong message?

DBM: What’s her name?

Apor: Adjoa

DBM: ‘Adjoa, I’ve been thinking about you the whole of this morning’

Apor: But she’s in church

DBM: And so?

Apor: What if she asks what about her, I have been thinking about?

DBM: What do you want to do to her?

Apor: Dave, Lol!

DBM: Yes?

Apor: Okay, what about I want to kiss her?

DBM: That’s sexy, I think.

Apor: Are you sure?

DBM: So far as it’s going to create the impression that, you’d still want to get to know her better with your clothes on, that’s totally okay – in my opinion.

Apor: But do you think she’s also thinking the same?

DBM: Women love sex as much as men do

Apor: Even after a second date?

DBM: You wouldn’t know until you ask if she’s okay with sexting.

Image Credit: K Makhasette

Let’s Talk To Cleo

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 42: Cleo

DBM: Hi Cleo. Please tell me a little about yourself

Cleo: I’m a naughty, saved-by-Grace lady; a wife, a mom; in my late 30’s and a corporate lady

DBM: Hehehehe! What do you want to talk about? 😊

Cleo: Life and the decision to love

DBM: What’s your life’s story?

Cleo: I was brought up in a strict middle-class Pentecostal home and family; one of the extremely intelligent girls in class, and a talker. I started dating after university, and I have had my share of heartbreaks. Life wasn’t easy but it wasn’t difficult either. I learnt from an early stage in life, how to work to make ends meet for me.

DBM: What influenced your choice of a husband?

Cleo: Eii Dave, you won’t believe me if I tell you

DBM: Tell me😁

Cleo: Kk… Let’s start from the beginning; I was dating another man, actually engaged to be married. But I always knew we won’t work out. So, I called it quits, three months to my wedding. I was 32 then. On my 32nd birthday, I prayed to God and I asked Him for a husband. I gave God a checklist of what I wanted in a husband, and admitted that I’d done things my way and it hadn’t work out, and so this time round, it was His way through and through. I covenanted to desist from things that He God didn’t approve of.

I stopped talking to all other men, and I met my husband a year after. A month after my 33rd birthday, I told God I wanted a man that loved Him much more than anything else, and I knew if he loved God, he’ll love me. Dave, I chose my husband because he loves God.

DBM: GOD aside, were you in love with him?

Cleo: Dave, I decided to love him.

DBM: What do you believe love is?

Cleo: Love is a decision, not a feeling; a daily decision to choose the other person over and over again, above one self. Love is thoughtful and kind. Love doesn’t keep account of wrongs, it’s not rude.

DBM: What is wrong with the scenario whereby each spouse decides to put themselves first?

Cleo: Then they don’t love their spouse. They may feel something, but I don’t it would be love. Putting yourself first before your spouse means you don’t love your spouse.

DBM: How do you express love?

Cleo: I’m an intentional person, I always want to satisfy the person I love. My acts towards the person are clear; no ambiguity; no need to infer. It’s clear as possible. I always try to express my love to my husband through his love language.

DBM: How do you handle the unexpected and change?

Cleo: I don’t like change much, but I’ve learnt to embrace it. Change is the only constant in life; there’s no progress without change.

DBM: True! Can you deal with him doing things without you, in respect to his need for privacy?

Cleo: We have an open, honest marriage. I give him privacy when he requires, but he eventually tells me what’s going on. He’s never taken a decision that would affect our family without informing me. I’ve never thought of such a situation

DBM: Do you know all the ways your husband says, ‘I love you’? This is in reference to your language

Cleo: I’m easy; my love language is words of affirmation and quality time. He tells me sweet things all the time. But he loves surprises, and he’s always planning ways to wow my mind.

DBM: 😊 How important is sex to you?

Cleo: Very. It was the third on my checklist; my husband had to be great in bed

DBM: Lol! Do you believe love can last forever?

Cleo: Of course, Dave. Love is a decision, as long as you decide to love the person, it can last forever. You can love someone all the time, but that doesn’t mean you like the person all the time

DBM: True! Each and every day, marriages are being touched by the brokenness of this world. Do you see your marriage to be existing and functioning as GOD intended?

Cleo: Exactly as God intended. We surrender our marriage to God every day; my husband is my head, as Christ is his head, and I submit to my husband not because I want to, but because it’s a command from God. I have to admit, submitting to my husband is very easy; he makes it very easy for me.

DBM: I see. That’s good to know. How will you handle it if you drift apart?

Cleo: Dave, it won’t happen. God will not allow it. God is not a man that He should lie. He knows the plans He has for me; they are of good, not of evil; to prosper and bring me to an expected end. Drifting apart is not part of God’s plans for my marriage.

DBM: Noted! How do you keep the ‘love light’ burning when the romance seems to be dimming?

Cleo: I find ways to give him more of my love. I know what he likes; he loves a serene, well-kept environment that smells good, and I take time out of my busy schedule to provide that for him. Dave, I believe love isn’t about what you get, but what you’re willing to give.

DBM: Speak to us about your belief in ‘love not being about what you get, but what you’re willing to give’

Cleo: Love is evidenced by giving; the proof of love is what you’re willing to give the person. Most of us look at what we get from the person. I’m not saying love should be one sided or unrequited; what I’m saying is the couple should be willing to each give off the 100% of themselves to the other. The manufacturer of life has a manual for life, and in His manual, He demonstrated the highest form of love by sacrificing His only begotten son, so He could reconcile us to Himself.

Now that’s the truest expression of love. Love enjoys giving, it enjoys taking; love is a communication, a communication that the two of us are of one purpose. As long as you’ve chosen that person to receive your love, you give off your best and all. It’s best if you meet someone who shares that same energy with you. I once heard in a movie, and that was before I got married, that ‘for a marriage to work, both partners have to apply the 80:20 rule; you love your spouse 80% whilst you reserve the 20% for yourself and your spouse does same.

Our generation is missing out on love because there’s a culture of receiving without us thinking of what we can give. Instead, we look at the love we receive before we reciprocate, and that’s not helping.

Image Credit: Godisable Jacob

Let’s Talk To Tess

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 39: Tess

DBM: Hello Tess. Please tell me a little about yourself

Tess: Who I am is the personality you will experience when you meet me in person. I am not the type that will try on different personalities just to make a good impression, or get people to like me. I have a big heart but have a good grasp over my finances. I am self-reliant, and will give off my best to make life better for me.

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Tess: I have been presented with the option of either resigning or getting fired

DBM: Who is making you choose?

Tess: My boss’s wife

DBM: Has she the authority?

Tess: She’s a member of the board of directors of the company

DBM: Why does she want to push you out?

Tess: I am pregnant with her husband’s child.

DBM: That was the reason given you?

Tess: She told me I jeopardized my career prospects with their company the day I decided to sleep with her husband.

DBM: Are you blindsided by this news?

Tess: I might have ignored the signs because I didn’t see it coming.

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Tess: I’m freaking out

DBM: Before you drive yourself any crazier, have you talked to your boss?

Tess: I’m in contact with my him; we talk on phone every day. He’s promised to fix things

DBM: And, you’re certain your job is not on the line?

Tess: I can only take what he’s told me with a grain of salt.

DBM: When did his wife confront you?

Tess: Thursday

DBM: Where is your boss now?

Tess: He’s been out of the country since last week. He will return on the 30th of January.

DBM: Which is more important to you, your relationship with the boss or the job?

Tess: I care about my job, and I have been performing to the best of my ability. Senior management can testify to this. I put in extra hours every week. That’s how dedicated I am.

DBM: What’s your game plan? Do you know your next move, assuming your boss is not able to get his wife to back off?

Tess: I would file an employment lawsuit for wrongful termination, lost wages and other damages

DBM: What if their excuse is staff layoff?

Tess: I am the only staff being laid off.

DBM: What if she lies about not making such accusations against you?

Tess: There were two other people in the room when she came at me and said, my services are no longer needed because I am sleeping with her husband. I am being unjustly attacked, and I know what was said to me; I know who said it to me and how she said it to the hearing of all those around.

DBM: Are you the elephant in the room?

Tess: What does that mean?

DBM: Is your relationship with the boss public knowledge?

Tess: No! We’ve kept it a secret for two years because his divorce isn’t finalized. They’ve been separated for the past three and a half years.

DBM: How long have you been in a relationship with him?

Tess: Two years

DBM: So, your affair with him didn’t wreck his marriage?

Tess: No, it couldn’t have! They were not together when we started seeing each other.

DBM: So, why is it making your situation at work untenable? You’re about to lose your job over it

Tess: That’s what I am trying to find out. He was my good friend many years ago. It was purely friendship with no strings attached. And he was married then

DBM: He’s still married

Tess: I know. What I am saying is, they were living together and in love with each other. I knew he had feelings for me.

DBM: Did you have feelings for him?

Tess: I did, but I didn’t follow through with it, because he didn’t know. I cut off contact with him when I traveled.

DBM: When did you resume conversations with him?

Tess: Three years later. We met at the mall and realized the attraction was still there, and so we reconnected. That was when I found out they had separated, and started with their divorce processes. We went on lunch and dinner dates, first, as casual friends and then, relationship. He offered me a job opportunity, and I couldn’t decline because I knew I still had feelings for him

DBM: You told him you were still in love with him?

Tess: He told me about his feelings for me first.

DBM: How complex is your relationship with him?

Tess: Keeping it a secret has been problematic for me, because we feel inseparable and happy when we’re together at home.

DBM: How was your relationship with his wife?

Tess: She is not my friend. She knows who I am because I am an employee of theirs.

DBM: Tell me a little about your boss

Tess: He is confident in his abilities, intelligent and very organized; very positive minded, passionate and sensitive; he knows how to dress and look good; he smells good and is good with conversations; he knows his worth and respects mine; he is very understanding and lets me have my space; he never gets tired looking at me; he makes me smile even without being funny; his charm and charisma is lovely; he makes me know that he loves me every day, and I have never grown idle when it comes to digging down deep within to discover fresh reasons to love and appreciate him.

DBM: How old are you?

Tess: 35

DBM: And, this would be your first pregnancy?

Tess: Yes!

DBM: How do you feel about becoming a mother?

Tess: So far, I love being pregnant, and I am hoping to feel the same way about being a mother. I want to own my parenting journey and choose the kind of people I would want to show up for me and the child.

DBM: Are you delivering vaginally or through a C-section?

Tess: I’ve chosen C-section. I don’t think I will be too classy to push. Also, I want this first experience at my age, to be as controlled as possible.

DBM: When is your due date?

Tess: In three months.

DBM: I wish you the very best.

Image Credit: Shvets Production

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