Tag: Marriage

Someone Someone Hugs

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Dave, it’s my turn to share my love story. I have been married for 14 good years. Before I got married, I was spending more of my time with people who were either twice or thrice my age, despite being in my 30’s. And for some strange reason, I couldn’t get along well with people my age. I felt I was missing something anytime I was in the company of my peers. I found conversations with people in my generation boring and uninspiring.

I met my wife through her grandfather. He was my former teacher in Senior Secondary School. I had moved to a new neighborhood and I found out from an old school mate that he lived in the area. He was my economics teacher. He could not remember who I was but he was one of my favorite teachers. We connected somehow, and he introduced me to some of his circle of friends. I was invited to their weekend gatherings and activities, and over time, became friends with all of them.

I loved hearing them share their work experiences with me and how they were living as retirees. When it came to the subject of love and relationship, I learned a whole lot from their stories. Their individual choices, decisions and affairs intrigued me. They had lived their best and worst lives and had dealt with their fair share of the consequences thence. Because I was interested in everything they had to say, they shared all the life advice they felt I needed to hear.

I was at work one day when I got a call from a lady. “My grandfather has been diagnosed with cancer”. She introduced herself and asked if I could come to the hospital. I got to know at the hospital it was the last-stage cancer because it had gone undetected for years. He was scheduled to go for surgery to get the tumor removed and I had to be the one reassuring his only granddaughter. She felt so dejected because her grandpa was very healthy at his age. There was no assurance given that he would come out alive.

My phone rang one midnight and for the first time in my adult life, I felt that empty pit of severe ache in my stomach. She had confirmed my biggest fear. Her grandfather was gone. Dave, I was unprepared for her bereavement because I didn’t know anything about her. I only knew her grandfather. I rushed to the hospital to support her while she waited in pain for her parents to arrive from Krobo Odumase.

There was nothing I could do or say at that moment to make her stop crying. I walked to her, held her in my arms for so long, and then hugged her so tight. Her eyes locked on me gently while I held her close, doing the best I could to calm her fears away. It was that one act of hugging away her tears and grief that it dawned on me; I wanted to be someone that someone wants to hug. Dave, imagine you knew that lady you briefly locked eyes with at the hospital was actually praying for a man like you to come into her life?

I married her because she knew how to be honest with me without hurting my feelings. She also gives really good hugs. She lets me eat off of her plate. I can be myself around her. Her personality is genuine. She’s smart and brings me closer to God. And the best part, we can have fun doing absolutely nothing. I also realized later on, she was the first person I wanted to look at when I woke up in the morning. I can confidently tell you today that for the past 14 years, anytime I am about to leave the house, I hug my wife for a whole minute. And when I return home, she hugs me for a minute before we talk about anything else.

Image Credit: Polina Tankilevitch 

Make An Offer

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David, I have been married to Sefakor for 10 years. We talked about the possibility of a marriage when we were dating. I have to admit that there were times I doubted our relationship. There were times that I strongly felt like it could work. The marriage I have today, 10 years later looks very much different from the marriage I thought I was going to have with my wife when we were boyfriend-girlfriend. I was the fast and furious type. A fuckboy who could masquerade as a woman’s prince charming, develop strong connection and feelings, only for the flame to fizzle out after I had a bite or two.

Right from day 1 when we first met, she made me understand that she wasn’t going to subject herself to any kind of unhappy situationship with me. She wasn’t going to waste her time with a man who did not deem it fit to earn and keep her trust. Dave, this was Day 1, and I hadn’t even suggested anything to the tune of me liking her. The women I used to chase were the types I could tell something today, and then do something entirely different tomorrow, and would get away with it. Sefakor’s encounter with me the first day I laid eyes on her left me scratching my head in confusion.

I was so confused and found the whole conversation funny, I left her office to my car, sat in the car for about 20 minutes laughing at myself. The next thing I realized, I had gone back to her office to ask for her number. The player in me felt challenged to come up with an optimal strategy, a clever way not to date her but rather maximize the likelihood of satisfaction. At least I thought I had such a formula.

I called her the following evening, talked for about an hour on the phone and then asked her out on a date. Before agreeing to our first date she asked if I was also talking to other women. I lied initially but she demanded an honest answer. I told her ‘Yes’. She followed up with, “how many women”? And of course, I lied about the number. They were five in total but told her two. She asked if I had gone on any dates with the ladies and I affirmed.  It was our first date. Although I knew she was incredibly gorgeous from our encounter in her office, this was going to be my first time of looking at her from a lustful appetite point of view.

There she came into the restaurant, slim, tall curvaceous. I nodded towards my direction and she joined me at the table. The moment she sat down she laid all her cards on the table. She wanted me to treat our first date as a job interview. Since I had mentioned, I was talking to two other women, she was presenting herself as the third candidate being interviewed to be my personal secretary. She actually made me imagine our date as a job interview. Her conditions were, at the end of our date/interview, I should have made a decision whether or not to give her the job. If I could not make a decision I could stand by with my full chest, then there wasn’t going to be any further conversations between us.

I thought it was an unfair pressure but she had a point. I wasn’t committed to any of the other women by that time I was on the date/interview with my sixth candidate. We spent close to four hours talking and getting to know each other. When we were done with the interview-date, I had to make an offer or move on. Dave, do you believe in love at first sight? It’s crazy mehn! That night, I knew I had so much respect for Sefakor. Even the way I talked to her with respect, I wanted to handle her so carefully. These past 10 years, my wife allowed me to be who I was and allowed me to grow for myself. She did not force growth and change on me. My sixth candidate was the last candidate I ever interviewed. I offered the job to her because my plan was to date for the fun of it but Sefakor met me with so much substance.

Image Credit: Terrillo Walls

Let’s Talk To Unathi

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 190: Name is Unathi

DBM: Hello Unathi. How would you describe yourself?

Unathi: My stomach is full, my balls are empty

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Unathi: 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Unathi: I want to share my experience in marriage. I’ve been married to Sbusiso for 12 years. And in all the years we’ve been together, he’s poured his love into me every moment. I’ve never been adored from head to toe like he adores me. He loves me to the extent that I know I am not alone in this. Love that confirms to me every day, that I am a part of something way bigger than myself. Our future looks bright, our dreams look interesting because it has the potential to come true. Our journey, though not always smooth, has been rewarding.

DBM: That is nice to know. How did you meet?

Unathi: I knew his cousin and he had been trying to get us together. The cousin invited me to his graduation dinner, and had simultaneously invited over Sbusisso too. That was how we first met. He made us sit side-by-side at the restaurant and practically, forced us to talk.

DBM: Hehehe!

Unathi: Actually, when he walked in, I recognized him immediately because his cousin had told me a lot about him. I had also seen pictures of them together.

DBM: Was he the type you usually would go for?

Unathi: No!

DBM: You knew this prior to meeting him?

Unathi: I did!

DBM: Interesting

Unathi: He wasn’t unattractive. He just wasn’t the type I found attractive.

DBM: Understood!

Unathi: Also, I had made a decision to adjust my standards and be willing to get to know him as a person. Five minutes into our conversation, I discovered I had a belly laugh that could grow with each second he tried to be really funny. That was the first ‘something’ I noticed to find physically appealing and attractive about him. How he made me smile and laugh. I liked his smile. I liked his laugh.

DBM: If you could change anything about the way you were set up to meet your husband, what would it be?

Unathi: I would change the context of the meeting. We were at a graduation dinner, with a lot of his family and friends. I would have preferred the two of us alone at the table instead.

DBM: You liked him already?

Unathi: I started connecting on an emotional level in less than an hour of meeting him. In that moment, I knew the rest could fall into place.

DBM: Attraction does grow with time.

Unathi: That is true

DBM: I’m very proud of you for giving a man you usually wouldn’t go for a chance to know you.

Unathi: One of the best decisions I ever made in life. I have been pleasantly surprised and been loved in a way that still makes me feel like, I am the only one in the world who truly matters to him.

DBM: Do you feel you are in love with who your husband is right now as a whole? Or you’re only that much into his good side, and maybe, his potential and, or the overall idea of him?

Unathi: Firstly, I wouldn’t have gone for a skinny, bald man, who is my height or a bit even shorter. I liked them tall, dark, thick, very well built and manly. My husband is the total opposite of what I go for physically, in features. But none of it mattered in less than an hour of talking to him. He calmed my fears that, I was bold enough to request for a real date. Something about the way he talked to my spirit sowed a seed of happiness and fulfillment in me that I never expected. I’m okay with the man Sbusiso, and I love the shit out of him.

DBM: In other words, you’re not settling for what you deserve?

Unathi: I’m fighting for what I know I do deserve: A good man who loves me to the end.

DBM: What is something that surprised you about falling in love?

Unathi: I used to think love alone formed the foundation of a marriage. Now, I know respect rather is its cornerstone. Had the respect between me and my husband not been mutual, our pillars of trust, understanding and communication would have crumbled by now. Mind you, I am not the easiest guy to live with, and that alone bypasses explanation.

DBM: What does a happy marriage look like to you?

Unathi: A bond that consists of true love, understanding, respect and resilience, nurtured now for the future. That is the promise we make at home every day, to stand by one another.

DBM: What do you remember most about the first time you had sex with Sbusiso?

Unathi: Eina! It was a horror movie.

DBM: Lol!

Unathi: Picture this: First Blood, 1972. Sylvester Stallone as John Rambo, bending to take a dick.

DBM: You’re funny! Lol!

Unathi: I’m serious! I’m a top, my husband is a top. And because the love was new and felt good, we did not pay attention to our sexual needs before falling in love and agreeing to be in a relationship.

DBM: Was it that difficult a subject to discuss?

Unathi: It was. I almost admitted it was a mistake, and was ready to move on to find someone who could be more compatible with me.

DBM: How did you find a way around it?

Unathi: We had a long talk and came up with ideas. My first suggestion was for us to get a submissive bottom to play with. A guy to be used and shared. Sbusiso was against it. My second idea was for us to find a third party that was a bottom and have 3-somes together. Again, he wasn’t open to it. He wasn’t willing for us to break up, and so he suggested alternatively fucking each other in the ass. I had that in mind already but I wasn’t going to be the first to suggest it to him.

DBM: Were you open to it?

Unathi: Yes

DBM: ‘Yes’ because you actually wanted to try bottoming or it was the cleanest avenue to do it in order to finally say ‘no’?

Unathi: I loved him so much, I wanted to try to become verse. He was willing to do same for me because he cared about me. But I wanted to top him so bad, I flipped a coin thinking heads would surface in my favor, only for me to be the first to bottom.

DBM: Lol!

Unathi: But he was slow and gentle. He lubed me up well, while he teased, fingered and sucked me to get me in the mood. I was by this time so horny; he entered and made me whole. That was one of my best orgasms ever. It was jol all day-all-night. Since then, we’ve been taking turns during sex.

DBM: Have you ever cheated on your husband?

Unathi: No

DBM: Has he ever cheated on you?

Unathi: Not that I know of, no!

DBM: What’s one way you think you’ve changed since you met your husband?

Unathi: I’ve become more aware and intentional, not just of my husband’s needs but those around me. I’m less stupid and scared or afraid to see what is in front of me in the present – so I don’t miss the hints and opportunities to them. I used to also fear disagreements but my husband has taught me how to face them head-on. In fact, whenever we quarrel and he’s even in the right, he is never interested in winning the argument but rather growing together from the experience with me. I’ve learned prioritizing harmony over proving a point.

DBM: That is strong. Thank you for sharing your experience with me.

Unathi: Any time

DBM: 😊

Image Credit: Uriel Mont 

Let’s Talk To Osaze

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 189: Osaze

DBM: Hello Osaze. How would you describe yourself?

Osaze: A beautiful woman with lips like petals, soft and inviting

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Osaze: 4

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Osaze: My husband is emotionally unavailable to me. He is married to his job, and because of that we argue over every little issue I find crappy. He goes to work early and stays out late on the regular.

DBM: Work should not be the detriment to a relationship

Osaze: Same thing I said. Dinner is always cooked and ready when he gets home from work late. He wouldn’t talk about the food or show any interest in my day. He only launches into how his workday was, and wouldn’t stop talking about work and other people. He cannot make time for me at home; he’s either on his phone or laptop.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Osaze: 7 years

DBM: Was he always a workaholic?

Osaze: Prior to marriage?

DBM: Aha!

Osaze: No, not like this. He was hardworking but not busy

DBM: Were you important to him before you got married?

Osaze: He made time for me

DBM: How much time?

Osaze: He used to call, text, take me out and spend quality time with me

DBM: Have you discussed these concerns with him?

Osaze: I have and the vibe he gave was that, he wouldn’t be too disappointed if I left him

DBM: Most men naturally would be the best versions of themselves for the women they want. A man will shut down if he doesn’t want you anymore.

Osaze: My husband has shut down

DBM: I only have one question, are you comfortable being just a place holder in his life? Because such men only have time for you when they are ready

Osaze: No!

DBM: He’s shown you the roadmap. Can you live with it?

Osaze: I cannot.

DBM: Do you have a timeline to his change in character?

Osaze: Four years ago, he returned from work around 8:30 pm and was smelling. Dave, it was pretty bad. My husband is the type that would repeat the shirts he wears to work. I used to take it upon myself to do his laundry but he hates ironing, so he’s always choosing the easier route: wearing whatever he’s worn in the past days. He jumped on the bed that evening and initiated sex. I refused and insisted he took his bath. That was the beginning of everything going wrong.

DBM: I do not see the wrong in your action. You were teaching him the importance of cleanliness. I will not have sex with a partner who does not bath or brush their teeth

Osaze: Dave, this guy sometimes will not even brush his teeth because he believes the mouthwash was created for a similar purpose. He can be so unpleasant and I cringe when I have to smell his body odor in the evenings on our bed. He expects to be given a blowjob, knowing very well I complain about how sticky and gross his junk becomes when he’s not taken a bath after work.

DBM: Have you tried showering together to get him clean?

Osaze: He comes home late. I cannot always be waiting for him to return before retiring to bed. I work too. I attend to the children, and it gets tiring sometimes

DBM: How is his sense of smell?

Osaze: My husband can have his eyes locked on me talking about something, while absent-mindedly scratching his junk because his balls itch. He would smell his fingers, make a disgusting face, smile, and then use those same unwashed hands to eat.

DBM: 😊

Osaze: I’ve bought him quality boxer-briefs to solve these problems but he keeps wearing briefs he’s worn for days and would be sliding his hand down his pans.

DBM: Some of the briefs we wear do not necessarily solve the hand-down problem. Our penises can be stubborn in our underpants. They can slug awkwardly to the left or right and would need adjusting or a tweak to position it in the comfortable place.

Osaze: I get it, but sometimes I feel like there is no reason for my husband to be grabbing his jewels in public while standing. It’s embarrassing when he does that with a boner. He thinks I am a nag when I complain about these things

DBM: A man cannot stand in public doing nothing while his tent is pitched for the eyes of people. We will always tuck the erect crouch up into the waistband of our underwear and trousers so preying eyes wouldn’t easily tell the difference. It’s a necessity, unfortunately.

Osaze: What do I do about my main problem?

DBM: You are not happy in your relationship.

Osaze: I am not!

DBM: If I am not happy about my relationship with someone, I reevaluate it.

Osaze: How? Because I have tried talking about it with him but he doesn’t seem to care

DBM: If he is choosing not to care, then do not make him a priority when all you are to him is an option. Prioritizing marriage means making the feelings, hopes and dreams of a partner as important as your own. Marriage is all about making comfortable and uncomfortable compromises and lifting each other up.

Osaze: I am tired of cleaning up after him

DBM: Many women do their best to clean up after their messy spouses but it’s a difficult task to get a messy man to see the error of their ways, especially if that’s what makes sense to him.

Osaze: Should I kiss him if I’ve been denying him sex?

DBM: Do not kiss him unless he’s brushed his teeth. Mouthwash alone in the mouth doesn’t cut it. It’s actually gross

Osaze: Okay!

DBM: Participant 188, Beata, left a question for you: ‘Discus infertility in a marriage where both the man and woman want to have a child but are infertile?’

Osaze: Infertility places stress on a couple. My suggestion would be not allowing your reactions to situations to be emotionally charged. I believe in patience and making of allowances for the inevitable. Childlessness is a process, do not force any deadlines

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant.

Osaze: What do you look and sound like when sex feels so good?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Dziana Hasanbekava

Let’s Talk To Plumb

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 185: Plumb

DBM: Hello Plumb. How would you describe yourself?

Plumb: I don’t understand myself today

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Plumb: 3

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Plumb: November 2023, I drove my wife to the hospital because she was complaining about a sweltering sensation in her midsection. After a number of tests done on her they detected cancerous lesions. The doctor’s prognosis was that it was a terminal something. She’s currently stage 4. My wife became very weak in February, 2024, and we have not had sex since. In fact, our last sex was in December last year, before I first took her to the hospital. She’s not reacting too well to chemotherapy and watching her suffer breaks my heart. A few days ago, she suggested I find myself a girlfriend to meet my physical needs. I have never seen her like this before.

DBM: Seen her like what?

Plumb: Never seen her give up on herself

DBM: Because she suggested you find someone else to clear your hot?

Plumb: Not just that. She doesn’t think she’s going to beat the cancer. She’s been crying since December

DBM: How old is she?

Plumb: 41

DBM: What do you think your wife really wants for you?

Plumb: I don’t know! To be happy?

DBM: She also wants you to be yourself. She needs you to love her in your own way, since you’re both processing this scare

Plumb: I need to have sex again

DBM: You’ve not been with anyone since the news?

Plumb: No!

DBM: Have you been with anyone else prior to December?

Plumb: No!

DBM: How long have you been married?

Plumb: 5yrs

DBM: I see

Plumb: I feel like if I am to go ahead with what she’s suggesting, I would be the bad guy; and my conscience will fight me

DBM: A man’s character is who he is in the dark. For the moment, all I can say is – you have demonstrated your character pretty well

Plumb: Do you think I should do it?

DBM: Do you want to?

Plumb: I want to have sex

DBM: Do you want to have sex with another woman?

Plumb: I want to have sex

DBM: Okay! I have a question: prior to your wife’s illness, was sex outside of your marriage a boundary you and your wife had set or discussed as unacceptable?

Plumb: Yes

DBM: Okay! Any relationship where the people in it have not given themselves enough room to discuss boundaries, cheating is bound to happen

Plumb: She’s given me the go-ahead now. Do we still classify it as cheating?

DBM: Would you categorize it as cheating?

Plumb: I don’t think so

DBM: Does the thought of it excite you?

Plumb: No!

DBM: How does it make you feel?

Plumb: Conflicted

DBM: Why?

Plumb: I can’t explain it

DBM: Do you think your non-verbal cues and/or mannerisms at home, or towards your wife, might have pushed her to suggest this to you?

Plumb: How so?

DBM: We’re men; when every night is just not the ‘right time’ for her?

Plumb: Every night has not been the right night for her for almost eight months

DBM: Are you happy in your marriage?

Plumb: Truthfully, no! My wife is sick

DBM: That is the only reason?

Plumb: Also, because I don’t feel loved and appreciated.

DBM: Due to the lack of sexual intimacy with your wife

Plumb: Yes. Sex is how I feel loved

DBM: I know! And I think your wife cares a lot about you

Plumb: Yes. How do you deal with rejection at home?

DBM: What type of rejection?

Plumb: Sex

DBM: For my home, it’s not a straight ‘No!’ when one person is not in the mood for sex. It’s ‘not tonight, babe’ and we simply schedule the sex to the next morning or a later date that we both would look forward to. We always end up being the most amazing partner in the other’s eyes, just because we show one another how much we still care even if we’re not in the mood that moment to make love

Plumb: That’s cool vibes

DBM: Yhup!

Plumb: I don’t think my wife’s suggestion is genuine

DBM: Then, do not take it on

Plumb: It’s not easy, Dave

DBM: Such is life sometimes; a man would have to lose the one thing he thought he would never be able to live without – just to realize that, the thing he most certainly would not be able to live without is himself, and of course, his integrity.

Plumb: It’s not easy bro.

DBM: I can understand, and I applaud you for your candor. I am just hoping everything happening around you, and at home, will teach you an even greater understanding of who you are as a man, husband and father, if you have children.

Plumb: We have a four-year old son

DBM: You are strong. You are resilient. You are kind, and full of love for your dear wife and son.

Plumb: It was nice talking to you.

DBM: The pleasure is all mine. Participant 184, Calvary, left a question for you: ‘Are you voting Bawumia or Mahama, and why?’

Plumb: We’ve all heard their promises, smart-lines and lies, excuses and misrepresentations, but Ghana’s ability to succeed is why I believe former President Mahama should be re-elected. He is far from perfect but looking at the two options at hand, VP Bawumia does not seem to have a clear knowledge about the economy. We’ve all witnessed him talk about plans he’s implemented in the past seven and half years but has he been able to produce specifics that are really working for the good of the people? The arithmetic doesn’t work within the present government. That’s the truth. It’s a very corrupt system and government.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant.

Plumb: Will you fight for a relationship that you know is worth fighting for? Why?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Cottonbro

Let’s Talk To Calvary

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 184: My name is Calvary

DBM: Hi Calvary. How would you describe yourself?

Calvary: A once in a lifetime kind of woman

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Calvary: I am 5-ish today. It may change tomorrow

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Calvary: I came up with a solution to solve my husband’s weak ejaculation problem. His erectile dysfunction is a cause for concern in our marriage. And I wasn’t ready to start looking elsewhere to find good sex, that is why I thought through this idea before executing it.

DBM: What do you mean by weak ejaculation?

Calvary: Ne kɔteɛ nu ejaculation decreased in force and volume

DBM: I see. So, what was your brilliant idea?

Calvary: Viagra solution

DBM: 😊 Good for him

Calvary: He doesn’t know he’s taking it

DBM: How do you mean?

Calvary: I mix in with his soup, drinks, stew, tea, etc. on a daily basis. Well, depending on what he’s asking me to prepare or give to him at home.

DBM: But that is wrong, no?

Calvary: How is it wrong?

DBM: Did the two of you consult with a doctor about what’s best for him?

Calvary: I figured it out myself. His ego wouldn’t allow him to see a doctor.

DBM: How do you know?

Calvary: He’s my husband, I know him.

DBM: Is it working?

Calvary: Not the way I was hoping it would.

DBM: How long have you been doing this to him?

Calvary: Since the beginning of the year

DBM: What you are doing is criminal

Calvary: It’s not

DBM: Are you your husband’s doctor?

Calvary: Lol!

DBM: No, I’m being serious.

Calvary: I know what I’m doing

DBM: Have you considered your husband’s overall health?

Calvary: He’s fine

DBM: Has he any medical conditions he’s being treated for?

Calvary: Not really

DBM: Meaning, you’re not sure?

Calvary: He’s healthy, believe me. Just a little high pressure here and there but that’s all.

DBM: Viagra may or not be safe for men with high blood pressure. It actually interacts negatively with certain medications

Calvary: How do you know? Are you on Viagra?

DBM: No, but I’m just saying! I know it should only be taken once a day

Calvary: I will be careful

DBM: It’s not about being careful. You are drugging your husband

Calvary: I am healing the sick

DBM: What is the appropriate doze given him?

Calvary: I mix 20-mg tablet into whatever liquid I serve him. With the exception of water

DBM: The day he will experience a heart attack or die, remember to inform his family you were mixing Viagra to feed him.

Calvary: I have another pressing issue to discuss

DBM: What?

Calvary: There is this guy that I think I am attracted to. He is not available but I feel like we connect in our own special way.

DBM: He is not available, meaning?

Calvary: He is married

DBM: Are you available?

Calvary: I want to be for him – if he’s willing to avail himself too

DBM: Why?

Calvary: He is something my husband is not

DBM: What?

Calvary: Very considerate and caring, and kind.

DBM: And?

Calvary: Successful

DBM: In other words?

Calvary: Lol! Rich

DBM: Was he in the picture before your husband?

Calvary: Yes, but we hadn’t discovered our attraction for each other

DBM: When did you realize you liked him?

Calvary: When he told me he couldn’t stop thinking about me

DBM: Why is he thinking about you?

Calvary: That’s the same question I’ve been asking myself

DBM: Why are you thinking about him?

Calvary: He’s the kind of man I want for a husband

DBM: But he is married

Calvary: I know

DBM: What kind of man is your husband?

Calvary: He is my family. He is a wonderful man. I love him very much but I may just not be in love with him anymore

DBM: We all had to make the decision to wind up with strangers we ‘fell in love’ with, who later became our family. We are not supposed to stay in love with them all the time. The intense attraction is a temporary phase that is supposed to keep us together for a period, so deeper and meaningful feelings of love can develop and take root in us. You can choose to toy with the idea of fucking it all up.

Calvary: But don’t you also think life is rather too short to be married to the wrong person?

DBM: Are you married to the wrong man?

Calvary: Sometimes, I feel like I am

DBM: Then discuss the direction your marriage is going with your husband, so you can consider ending with him to see where things might go with the other guy.

Calvary: It’s not that simple

DBM: Do you see your husband truly happy with someone else?

Calvary: Yes

DBM: There’s your answer

Calvary: I am not in love with him

DBM: I believe you. Your answer to my question just clarified that

Calvary: Marriage is not easy. Hmmm!

DBM: When a bond you once shared weakens, your marriage automatically becomes vulnerable to outside factors that sometimes, damages it further. To stay married is a choice I make every single day, because I am content with what I have for a partner.

Calvary: I am not content with what I have

DBM: Very well understood. Your destiny is always in your hands, and so influence, direct and control your own narrative of love. Make your love-life what you want it to be, and with whoever you may want it to be with.

Calvary: Thank you!

DBM: Participant 183, Sabrina, left a question for you: ‘Why did your relationship with your ex not work out?’

Calvary: We grew apart

DBM:  It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant.

Calvary: Are you voting Bawumia or Mahama, and why?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Rdne

Let’s Talk To Zuhrah

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 182: My name will be Zuhrah

DBM: Hi Zuhrah. How would you describe yourself?

Zuhrah: I’m a good lady but when I look within me, I can’t seem to find exactly where I might be going wrong.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Zuhrah: 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Zuhrah: My boyfriend takes very good care of me but I fear he is not doing as much for his wife. He’s very fond of his children and would move heaven and earth to give them a comfortable life experience. His wife, however, lacks the kind of shared time and experience he gives to me.

DBM: Has his wife complained to you?

Zuhrah: No, but she’s called me before

DBM: What did she want?

Zuhrah: She asked whether I was having an affair with her husband. I confirmed it and she begged me not to tell him about the call.

DBM: That was all?

Zuhrah: She also asked if I was in love with him.

DBM: Are you in love with him?

Zuhrah: I love him for all that he’s been doing for me to have an easy life. However, I don’t think I am in love with him yet.

DBM: What does he do for you?

Zuhrah: He surprises me from time to time with almost everything I want. He makes me feel very safe. He’s ensured I live comfortably. He’s never forgotten my birthdays, and does not leave my place without leaving money for me to fuel my car. He has sex with me more than three times in a week. He tells me he loves me every day, and spends a lot of hours with me before going home to his wife and children.

DBM: How long have you been together?

Zuhrah:  It’s been over three years

DBM: What do you think he’s benefitting from his association with you?

Zuhrah: He says he feels connected to, and loved by me. I know how to make men experience the love and affection they crave for. Dave, I’m experienced when it comes to watering my plants well.

DBM: I was almost under the assumption that you’re being jejune believing he could be that much into you, but from the description you’ve given thus far, he probably might be in love with you.

Zuhrah: He is.

DBM: Why are you not in love with him yet?

Zuhrah: He is not my type.

DBM: Oh, you have a type?

Zuhrah: Don’t we all? Lol! I don’t find him physically attractive most of the time. He’s financially also not there yet, but I’m managing my situation with him like that till I find what I am looking for.

DBM: You need to give his wife hope. Let her understand you’re not in to take him away from her.

Zuhrah: I already gave her that assurance

DBM: And, what did she say?

Zuhrah: I don’t know. It was an uncomfortable conversation

DBM: I can only imagine. Are you building friendship with her?

Zuhrah: No. I am not interested in that.

DBM: Okay! Have you drawn his attention to your observation about how he treats his wife?

Zuhrah: Yes

DBM: And?

Zuhrah: He says he’s doing the best any husband would for his wife

DBM: Do you believe he is?

Zuhrah: I don’t. He treats me way better. He treats his children better. The wife, I don’t think so.

DBM: Do you feel bad about it?

Zuhrah: I don’t. He is the one disrespecting his wife. I am not married

DBM: Nonetheless, our actions reveal our character

Zuhrah: How do I help his wife?

DBM: Has she asked for your help?

Zuhrah: Not directly, but … I wish she could get the treatment I get

DBM: I don’t believe in treating others as I’d like to be treated

Zuhrah: How do you want it then?

DBM: I’d rather treat others the way they would want to be treated. That makes more sense to them, I think.

Zuhrah: You are married; how do married men want to feel loved etc.? I want something to at least, share with her. How does the special person in your life make you feel good?

DBM: I don’t know what other men want in order to feel important in the eyes of their partners, but I have someone who smiles at me every morning and evening, I get my daily dose of hugs and kisses; I’m appreciated for the little and big things I do; there is real adventure in my marriage and there is novelty.

Zuhrah: What if the man is sort of, closed off at home?

DBM: When a man is vulnerable in a relationship with you, he tends to have an open heart. And when our hearts open, we become emotionally present to your needs. You mentioned earlier that he makes you feel safe, no?

Zuhrah: He does

DBM: Exactly! I have a question though: who are you beyond your relationship with men?

Zuhrah: I don’t have an answer to that, sorry

DBM: Understood.

Zuhrah: I know I’m coming off as the bad person here but I can’t help it when someone is also choosing me to be his safe space, etc. You get my point?

DBM: I do. Every choice we make in life weighs on us, one way or the other. So, if dating this married man is the high road you’re choosing to journey on, it’s you who will reap the benefits thereof. I have seen life become difficult for people who chose to take the easy path. I have also seen life become so easy for certain individuals who chose to journey the hard and difficult path.

Zuhrah: Thank you. That’s food for thought.

DBM: Participant 181, Ame, left a question for you: ‘What would you have done differently in your life with the right support?’

Zuhrah: By the way, Ame is the second most interesting conversation I have read on your blog. I smiled throughout your chat with her. But to answer her question, with the right support I don’t think I would have lived small. I certainly would not find myself in such a situation where I’m being less than I can be.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant.

Zuhrah: I am pregnant for a married man. Do I have to inform him about my decision to get an abortion? NB: I am not ready to be a mother. I do not want this pregnancy.

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Bash Mutumba

Let’s Talk To Ehab and Xyla

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 179: I will choose Ehab

Participant 179: Xyla

DBM: Hello Ehab and Xyla. How would you describe yourselves?

Ehab: Always trying to measure myself in order to improve.

Xyla: A wife willing to love sacrificially; willing to be humble in submitting to my husband’s leadership.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ehab: 7

Xyla: 7.5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ehab: My wife and I have discussed extensively our need to be in a polyamorous relationship. We want to know how many of your followers practice this kind of relationship and how it’s working for them.

DBM: May I ask whose initial idea was this?

Ehab: It was a decision taken by the both of us

DBM: But who first proposed it?

Xyla: My husband first brought it for discussion.

DBM: Okay!

Ehab: It’s a form of consensual non-monogamy romantic partnership. No one will be doing anything in secret if that is what you’re concerned about.

DBM: I am not concerned. How long have you been married?

Xyla: 8 years, but known each other for 12

DBM: Is any of you already seeing someone secretly that you feel it’s time to introduce them to your partner?

Xyla: No!

Ehab: No!

DBM: So, why this sudden consideration?

Ehab: It’s not a sudden discussion. It’s a topic we had talked about prior to marriage. Every marriage as we know is different, and can be designed in any form that feels right to the parties involved.

DBM: True, but what is the basis of it? That’s what I am trying to understand

Xyla: I feel like I have given everything I thought would be sufficient to keep a man satisfied but I am realizing what he feels he needs from me is not enough.

Ehab: I also feel like I have deprived my wife of certain things that another man out there can pick up.

DBM: Is this going to be three people who are sexually or romantically involved with each other or four, where each has his or her own?

Ehab: We want to be exclusive with our options. Whoever I will be involved with wouldn’t share my wife. Vice versa.

DBM: You mentioned depriving your wife of certain things, what?

Ehab: My salary has not been able to afford her the kind of life I promised. Bills mounting up because I can’t keep up, especially with utilities, etc.

DBM: What kind of life was promised?

Xyla: Dave, the issue is I’m not even complaining but he feels he’s let me down

DBM: Has he let you down?

Xyla: Not at all. He’s very hardworking

Ehab: I feel like I’m disappointing her dreamed life

DBM: You heard her, she’s not disappointed

Ehab: But I am

DBM: So, keep your promises or don’t make any. You need to properly communicate with the one person you feel you’re letting down

Xyla: Hmmm!

DBM: Unless you are just not that much into building a true, intimate relationship with your partner?

Ehab: I am interested on every level

Xyla: I love my husband for richer or poorer. That was my vow to him.

DBM: One thing I have been very careful of in these past five years is not to project certain behaviors onto my partner to potentially suggest we do not belong together. If you love someone, and are genuinely that much into them, you understand and accept their honesty.

Xyla: Thank you!

Ehab: I’ve been living paycheck to paycheck for 10 years. I am not able to even save Ghs 500 a month. I feel like I am broke and I do not feel safe with the money and income that I make.

DBM: That is your truth, and your wife is saying she understands and accepts your situation.

Ehab: I am scared of disappointing my wife and failing my children

Xyla: You’re not disappointing me

DBM: What’s your current location?

Xyla: At work

Ehab: I am at the office

DBM: I may not know you, but I feel you’re an ambitious man. I can see it from the little you’ve shared.

Xyla: He is

DBM: There is no limit to what we can do as a people; however, assuming or listening to those negative voices from within can sway us from that potential. As a husband, you clearly want the best for your wife. As parents, you want the best for your children. But there are so many things also outside of your control.

Xyla: Dave, my husband’s major problem is he likes to compare himself to others

Ehab: Stop it!

Xyla: You do. He sees his friends on social media who have beautiful families and great jobs, nice homes or are taking enviable trips around the world, and suddenly would be moody – and looking at himself as falling short after comparing his life to theirs.

DBM: I am not surprised

Ehab: She’s lying

DBM: But on a serious note, people’s accomplishments or victories do not necessarily take anything away from you. It should not reflect on you either.

Xyla: He compares himself with every nice photo on Facebook and Instagram

Ehab: Esi, I don’t like what you’re doing. Please stop!

DBM: Do you know what I compare myself to? My past self, just to see how far I’ve come. If you’re ever going to compare, look back at you.

Xyla: We have come so far, David

DBM: I believe you. That is why you have to keep encouraging your husband to force himself to only see the good in all the moments; whether good or not-so-good. I strongly believe in toxic positivity, where we balance our time spent, acknowledging all the good.

Xyla: I am with you on this

DBM: We all feel like failures every now and then, but we choose not to wear it as a label on our forehead. Life happens! And it should not be a validation of who you are as a man, husband or father. Encourage yourself when you feel down. There is more to you.

Ehab: Thank you!

Xyla: Are we going to date other people?

Ehab: Do you still want us to do it?

Xyla: It was your idea, babe

Ehab: We can take it off the table for now

Xyla: I’m in agreement

Ehab: You did not like the idea all this while?

Xyla: I want you to be happy

DBM: You cannot want another person’s happiness more than your own. Most men know their significant others love them. Your husband knows you give him a lot of love – and he knows everything you are willing to do or sacrifice for him to eat his cake and still have it. I believe in a 50/50 relationship, where one person is not putting in all the effort to make the marriage work, simply because the other knows you love the idea of being married. You’re not giving your partner the chance to step up to do right by you, himself and the family at large. Do not encourage anyone to abuse that privilege. Protect your own purity and that of your husband’s

Xyla: Okay!

DBM: Do not settle for less than what GOD inspired in you to go for. If he chooses to mess around, know that there are men out there who model these very things you hold dear. Be attracted to what speaks sense to your heart.

Ehab: Boss, it’s okay! Stop putting ideas in my wife’s head

DBM: Participant 178, Wacian, left a question for you, ‘Do you believe in luck?’

Xyla: I believe I can change my luck by creating new thoughts and behavior.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Ehab: What are your thoughts on polyamory? 

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: West Osee

Let’s Talk To Ana

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 177: Hello Dave, I’m Ana.

DBM: Hello Ana. How would you describe yourself?

Ana: Modest, hardworking and someone who knows what she wants.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ana: I will say 8

DBM: Why 8, if I may ask? 😊

Ana: Lol! Well, I would have loved to have 3 kids but life is never perfect so l have 2. That is not to say I am not grateful for the 2, but would have been happier.

DBM: I see. 😊. Your husband participated in this experiment a few weeks ago. Did you read our conversation?

Ana: Yes, I did, and read all the comments. Some of the comments were quite interesting and that is why I decided to have this conversation with you.

DBM: Great! What is your take on your husband’s submission?

Ana: 😀 He literally spoke about our belief and how we run our home. Before we proceed Dave, the definition of a “traditional wife in my case is where I hold the fort (as my husband puts it): support my husband to bring the kill and I turn it into something substantial for our common good while using my feminine abilities to provide love and warmth in my home. I am not sure why the mention of “traditional wife” paints the picture of a woman sat at home doing nothing in modern minds. Remember, our grandmothers still went to the farm with our grandfathers and in some cases did ‘Bodwa Bodwa’ (small scale trade) and still played their roles diligently. My husband is mostly away, so it made sense to stay back and take care of the home and our investments.

DBM: How did you and your husband meet?

Ana: Lol! We were childhood friends. I got married to an “area boy”

DBM: Hehehe! What about him got you interested?

Ana: At a glance, what l noticed about him was how gentle, kind and meek he was. And when I got to know him, I realized he was meticulous to a fault. Very organized and someone who plans ahead. Above all he is such a handsome dude.

DBM: Was/is he the type of man you wanted for a husband? As in, your ‘type’?

Ana: Of Course!! My dream man.

DBM: Okay! Prior to marriage, what was your dream in life? What goals did you want to achieve, etc.?

Ana: My dream was to have financial freedom and be in the position to help people.

DBM: What’s your idea of a healthy marriage?

Ana: My idea of a happy marriage is when couples are transparent and are at peace with each other. Good marriage should make couples eager to come home to each other and not the other way round.

DBM: I concur. At what point did you know you wanted to marry your husband?

Ana: Well, I have known him since childhood, so I knew what I was going for, but the highlight was how he included me in all his plans even when the relationship wasn’t official. I realized we had a future together. Thus, we had the same dreams.

DBM: How are you doing as a wife in general?

Ana: I’m doing great as a wife because our plans are working and I’m happy with how far God has brought us.

DBM: What are you most excited about in your marriage during this season of your life?

Ana: I’m excited about how our plans are yielding the expected results as we are working together as a team. The future looks bright.

DBM: What are your biggest fears about your marriage?

Ana: Touchwood! Losing my partner or my little ones.

DBM: Hmmm! I can only imagine. What strengths do you bring to your marriage?

Ana: Hmmm! Dave, my husband’s job is a difficult one but quite rewarding. It takes every aspect of our lives. I’m not on the field with him but I have learned over the years to help emotionally, psychologically, etc. It’s a tough job and I have resolved to be his peace in the midst of everything. Also, coming home to the warmth and love of his family helps a lot. I’m fulfilled when I see him happy.  In addition, he is very busy with work, so I cater for the kids and all other needs for the family.

DBM: Is your love for your husband growing any stronger?

Ana: Lol, sure Dave. He makes me feel loved and appreciated. And that is enough for me.

DBM: Are you satisfied with the amount of time you spend together as a couple, since he seems to travel a lot?

Ana: Physically, I will say the time spent together is not enough, but we know it’s for a good course. Hence, I can’t complain; but technology has made it a little easier. We are constantly on video calls and it helps a lot.

DBM: This is just a random question flashing my thoughts: Which of you would have more happiness if you had more money?

Ana: I think both of us will be happy. Because we have dreams of doing a number of things together and that will help.

DBM: Do you trust your husband to be faithful to you?

Ana: Yes, I do. Humans are not perfect, and he can’t be an exception but his actions and inactions speak a lot about him.

DBM: Maame Somuah wants to know everything about being a ‘traditional wife’ in this fast-paced modern world, and with all of your qualifications

Ana: Dave, As I said earlier, the mention of the term “traditional marriage” created a certain impression. Now, it’s not how much you make as partners that count in this fast-paced world. It’s how much you are able to save and invest. The fact that both parents are busy making money doesn’t always mean they are keeping that money. In my case, I work by managing our projects and assets. The time and pain I take to make sure we get the best value from every penny we invest cannot be underestimated as no third party would have done that without it costing us a fortune.

DBM: Yaaba Ackah-Arthur doesn’t understand why you pursued higher education only to make your degrees redundant? She wants to also know if you have help with house chores or you do it all by yourself? She wants to know what you do when you have your ‘me time’, and your overall plans for the future – when your children are grown and independent?

Ana: Lol! Education is good and the fact that I’m not directly using my qualifications doesn’t mean I have no use for them. An anonymous person once said “University education is like a universal key and with that, one should be able to open a lot of doors”. Formal and informal Education are all important. Should you skip one of them, you lose out on a particular type of exposure. An educated (Formal) wealthy person is not the same as a non-educated wealthy one.

My mother lives with me and she helps from time to time, but I do majority of the chores. What I do with my “me time”…. I love watching movies, documentaries and listens to a lot of audio books – for education and entertainment.

Overall Plans for the future: Myself and my husband day dream about this all the time. We want to work together in family ventures (hospitality, real estate, agriculture and media). Hopefully the kids will tag along. If not, we will keep guiding them on their own’ paths. We plan to go travelling as well if God permit.

DBM: Adwoa Kissiwaa Yeboah is asking whether or not your husband helps with house chores when he is around? She’s also asking, on days you are not on good terms or fight with hubby, does he still provide 100% and take care of you and the home? Her third question is, if your family member (i.e.: parent, siblings) needs financial support, does this fall on your husband?

Ana: My husband sucks at cooking. I think I spoiled him on that. Lol! But he is amazing with taking care of the kids when he is around. In fact, that is his bonding time with them. And yes, he helps out with chores when he’s free. I actually gain weight when he’s home lol. Though we don’t fight often, we do not allow anger to stop us from caring for each other. It’s our rule to sort out any misunderstanding before we go to bed. Until then, I ask him what he wants to have for dinner in an angry tone. And still provides even though he would probably want to “kill” me at the moment.

Dave, you see, that is one problem with a lot of marriages today, individualism though you are seen as couples. But individual differences and actions triggers reactions. Because we work together for common goals, any financial problem from either of both sides is ‘our’ problem. So, we draw from family coffers to solve that problem.

DBM: Princess Korkoi Victory wants to know how you managed to put your zeal to work on hold/dormant? She’s of the opinion that, in-as-much you may be comfortable, there could be an element of loneliness from within, no? She wants to know if you’re doing any side businesses to at least keep you busy? And last but not least, if you put your money into investments that yields profits? She wants you to elaborate on the ventures you’re working on.

Ana: There is no element of loneliness as I’m a very busy person. Again, the goal is to gain financial freedom, and gain control of your time and life, but not just work. You can be the CEO of the biggest firm but your life will be miserable if someone controls your time. We think financial freedom will give us that control and we are working on that, so I’m not dormant. As stated earlier, we are into real estate, agriculture and media, aside my husband’s job.

DBM: Abigail Owusuwaa wants to know if you ever get bored when at home? She also wants to know if your children ever ask why you do not go to work?

Ana: It barely happens as there is always a lot to do. I bake at my free times and teach the kids as well. Yes, they do, but I explain to them that I work part-time as a project manager and take them to the site on weekends and vacations, so they get it. Dave, one thing I want to say is I’m grateful to the sisters on the platform for the concern they showed. But there shouldn’t be a cause to worry. I am covered. Everything we have acquired by the grace of God are in our names (maiden names). And touch wood! If anything happens, we split all into equal halves.

DBM: Participant 176, Ulani, left a question for you: ‘Talk about your best memory of your ex, and teach me how it is okay to think of the good things about mine.’

Ana: Personally, I think ex is for a reason. To dwell on the best memories with your ex, I would rather use that time and energy to create the best moments with my current partner.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Ana: If money wasn’t a problem and you had all the resources to live comfortably, would you still be doing the job that you are in currently?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: El Gringo

Let’s Talk To Ulani

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 176: Ulani

DBM: Hi Ulani. How would you describe yourself?

Ulani: I am usually doing what I love, especially if it is what I believe to be made for. But it hasn’t always been that clear and I must admit, I have stumbled quite a few times.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ulani: 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ulani: My husband is suggesting to me to find another man to be in a relationship with, and I think I am willing to go out there to find him.

DBM: Are you separated or in the process of getting divorced?

Ulani: No. We’re still married

DBM: I’m confused

Ulani: He’s impregnated another lady, and is expecting his third child. I am unhappy about his actions, and I think this no longer serves the goals we had during the start of our relationship. Also, I am the one doing so much around the house, and with the children. It’s stressing me out.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Ulani: 8 years

DBM: How many kids?

Ulani: 2

DBM: What goals did you set at the beginning of your relationship?

Ulani: We made a decision to always attend to our relationship so we don’t run the risk of becoming complacent and stagnant. At the moment, I feel like there is no real connection or intimacy. He doesn’t know what’s going on in my mind and I am not interested in knowing what is going on in his.

DBM: Was his suggestion of finding another man to shut you up or it’s an indication of him not being happy in the marriage with you?

Ulani: My husband knows that I speak up and would directly spell out my wants and needs as honest as possible to give him the chance to be there for me in ways I desire. I have encouraged the same from him. If he was not happy, he could have made me know.

DBM: I see

Ulani: I want to start dating again

DBM: While married?

Ulani: Is it a crime? Others are doing it! Besides, in my heart, we’ve broken up. He’s moved on; just yet to move out. We’re rarely in the same space though we live together

DBM: Question

Ulani: Ask

DBM: Are you mad at him? Angry, hurt, embittered, etc.

Ulani: I am only disappointed in my husband. He let me down. He let us down by betraying our dream. I feel like he took our history and experience for granted.

DBM: Have you told him this?

Ulani: I have

DBM: And?

Ulani: He said it’s already happened and there’s nothing he can do change reality

DBM: Do you love your husband?

Ulani: I do not, unfortunately. But I used to

DBM: If you really are considering dating another man before your divorce is final, please do consider getting some legal guidance first. I feel like it could be used against you

Ulani: Used against me?

DBM: Yes. A new relationship could potentially harm you in court

Ulani: I have no intention of using his situation against him, so why would he use something against me?

DBM: I don’t know the extent things have gone out of hand, but I feel like you will still keep him in your life to co-parent your children. You need to consider his feelings, no?

Ulani: I have considered his feelings. He knows I am no longer interested in giving him my best, and he’s cool with it

DBM: How about your children?

Ulani: What about them?

DBM: Have you considered the confusion this arrangement might bring to them? Seeing their mother and father with other people, etc. I am only looking at the devastation it comes with

Ulani: Our first child is indifferent. We talked about it and he is very much in support of mummy finding another man to make me happy. He says his father is very happy with Aunty Aba, and he is excited about his new baby brother or sister in her womb.

DBM: How old is your son?

Ulani: 7

DBM: And he knows about the other woman?

Ulani: Yes. His father takes them along on weekends to see her.

DBM: I see. How old is the second child?

Ulani: She’s 5

DBM: I see.

Ulani: You see a lot. What do you see?

DBM: Lol!

Ulani: I’m excited about going on the dating world again. Any advice from Mr. David Bondze-Mbir?

DBM: I don’t know.

Ulani: Really?

DBM: Just be thinking seriously about the long-term impact a man will make on your life, and most importantly, your psyche.

Ulani: Can I ask a personal question?

DBM: Yes please

Ulani: What made you choose the person you married?

DBM: We all have our criteria and checklists when looking for love. I set out to find that person who could make me forget about my list.

Ulani: Oh wow!

DBM: Love and, or marriage should not at any point be a weight around your neck. It should be an experience of open doors of possibility and grace.

Ulani: Is that what you have?

DBM: That is all I give, and have been given thus far

Ulani: Lucky You

DBM: Why?

Ulani: I feel like a failure. 8 years of my life all gone to the drain

DBM: You only feel this way if you think you did not live for you, but rather lived for someone else. Eight years of building an experience with the one you loved isn’t waste. It’s a win with lessons to be learned.

Ulani: You think so?

DBM: I believe so. The way you nurtured this relationship into marriage is the same way you will nourish the next relationship into something good.

Ulani: But my husband messed it up for me

DBM: It’s his loss, not yours. A man who cannot be true to his vows cannot make a relationship with another person a priority.

Ulani: You’re a good counselor.

DBM: I am not a counselor. I only enjoy chatting with people when I am in the mood. Participant 175, Shalom, left a question for you: ‘What makes you scream and cum, melting you into a puddle of nothingness?

Ulani: I love to make love in the bedroom but I also want variety. So, I keep sex exciting by exploring new places to play with my man. I scream and orgasm a lot when we fuck in the kitchen, car or the chair in our backyard. Sex in new areas is fun and would present creative opportunities to experiment roleplay

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Ulani: Talk about your best memory of your ex, and teach me how it is okay to think of the good things about mine.

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Ricaldo Donaldson

POPULAR

Contact Us

  • maildmbir@gmail.com

Copyright 2022 David B - All Rights Reserved | Design: Javanet Systems