Tag: Marriage

Let’s Talk To Baaba

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 165:  Baaba

DBM: Hello Baaba. How would you describe yourself?

Baaba: I have an implausible ability to love, even if it hurts me

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Baaba: Five

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Baaba: It’s been months since my husband underwent open-heart surgery to fix a valve that was leaking. An artery was also clogged, and so he got that too fixed. He’s slowly recovering; I thank God for that. Truthfully, I am doing everything possible to avoid problems that may slow down his recovery but I can’t seem to let go of an awkward moment he created the day of his surgery, at the hospital. The nurses took all foreign belongings they didn’t need him to carry along to the operating theater: his wallet, wedding ring, shoes, watch, etc. He refused to hand over his phone. He switched the phone off, and held on to it. The nurses assured him it would be in their care and wouldn’t be given to me, but he wouldn’t let go till one of the doctors came to the ward. He asked for a piece of paper to write an agreement to be signed by him and the lead surgeon, before releasing his phone.

DBM: Do you know why he would do that?

Baaba: I can only think of one thing you men are good at

DBM: Lol! And what would that be? Lol!

Baaba: You think it’s funny?

DBM: No!

Baaba: The scene he created made me start to suspect him. I demanded for his phone when they started preparing him for the operation, but the surgeon refused. I was very angry I called my lawyer to demand for his phone from the hospital’s management. The hospital’s administrator sent me a photocopy of the agreement my husband drafted, and part of it read, ‘in the Event of my Death, Dr … is to destroy my phone.’

DBM: Wait! How long was his surgery?

Baaba: Almost six and a half hours

DBM: I see

Baaba: He was in intensive care for more than a week after his surgery, and the phone was still in the custody of the doctor.

DBM: For me, it’s understandable. He was simply honoring the wishes of your partner.

Baaba: He could not trust me with his phone but I am expected to share every step of his recovery journey with him?

DBM: I think your focus should be on your husband and other positive thoughts. He’s recovering from heart surgery and needs to be stable

Baaba: Dave, I’m having this experience too, it’s not just him. Do you know what it feels like to watch your husband go through pain?

DBM: Hmmm!

Baaba: He and I are supposed to be a team.

DBM: What did you think you were going to find on his phone?

Baaba: Evidence of an affair, or he has another family with a child involved

DBM: Is your husband the type to hurt your feelings that way?

Baaba: After what I witnessed at the hospital; anything is possible. The saddest part of it all is, my husband used to be that man who gave me the best memories. Lately, I look at him and he’s become a sour memory.

DBM: I will not doubt your suspicion. From my little association with women, I’ve come to realize you people can tap into a man’s actions faster and more effectively. It could be that you picked up what your partner wouldn’t consider – a very subtle clue into his deeds

Baaba: That’s every woman’s intuition, Dave

DBM: I know. But for the time being, I would suggest you navigate your thought-processes with a little bit of confidence in him.

Baaba: I cannot

DBM: He’s home now, no?

Baaba: Yes

DBM: And you still cannot have access to his phone?

Baaba: He’s deleted whatever he didn’t want me to find out on his phone

DBM: How do you know this?

Baaba: Because he leaves his phone unattended; something he never did

DBM: I see. You have children?

Baaba: Yes, and I am raising them almost alone

DBM: Why is that?

Baaba: He thinks his responsibility is to only provide for the house and pay school fees. I have to sometimes force him to stay at home and make time for our children.

DBM: What is his excuse to be going out that often?

Baaba: He says the children stress him

DBM: But they don’t stress you too?

Baaba: Ask him for me. Hmmm!

DBM: Do you work?

Baaba: I am a Charted Accountant, Dave. I am a very busy woman but I prioritize my marriage and children. My husband does not, and I have to still muster up a feeling of courage to still smile and carry on.

DBM: I honestly do respect parents who can raise strong children and intentionally, lay a pattern of decent living by their own example of life. I applaud your level of resilience

Baaba: It’s not easy

DBM: I can only imagine. Participant 164, Juliana, left a question for you. ‘Whoever is next should evaluate my final decision’

Baaba: Juliana made the right decision. I do not believe that once you are married, your self-worth has to take a backseat to the other party’s mess. A man’s dishonesty cannot be your reality. No woman should endanger her heart just to follow a dishonest man, in the name of marriage.

DBM:  It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Baaba: I don’t have a question

DBM: Okay!

Image Credit: Jackson David

Let’s Talk To TP

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 163: Toothpick

DBM: Hello TP. How would you describe yourself?

TP: Always horny

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

TP: 4 right now

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

TP: One of my directors at work is my taste. I am invited to his office a lot for work discussions. I have been tempted more than a dozen times to touch his thigh, and then, assuming he doesn’t get offended, move my hand up to feel his hard dick.

DBM: You love Vitamin D that much?

TP: Lol! If the size is satisfying, I become very happy during sex. Good sex enhances my beauty

DBM: Describe satisfying

TP: Very thick and somewhat within 8.5 to 9 inches in length, with girth. Sex becomes intense with the proper vitamins D

DBM: Is this guy you’re telling me about, single?

TP: 50/50

DBM: Meaning?

TP: He is in the process of divorcing his wife

DBM: That is what he’s told you?

TP: Yes

DBM: Are you single?

TP: I am married. Dave, I desire my husband, don’t get me wrong. Our sex life is ‘ok’, and I believe that is what has turned into feeling more desired myself.

DBM: ‘Okay’ meaning what?

TP: In as much as it’s good, it gets boring at times. Sometimes, very stale or monotonous

DBM: Is this the first guy you have felt this way towards, outside of your marriage?

TP: No!

DBM: I see

TP: Some of these dudes out there are foine

DBM: Is your husband foine?

TP: He’s alright. Manageable

DBM: Describe your relationship with your husband to me

TP: Things aren’t perfect, but who’s complaining!

DBM: What do you think is missing, or could be going wrong from your perspective?

TP: About my marriage?

DBM: Yeah!

TP: My marriage is fine. I’m just beginning to find other men attractive

DBM: When did this sudden, random attraction start?

TP: When I found out my husband had been in a few affairs with other women

DBM: How long ago?

TP: Three years into the marriage

DBM: So, it’s your husband’s fault that you’re starting to also cheat?

TP: No

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband yet?

TP: Not yet

DBM: Do you want to?

TP: Yes

DBM: Because he showed you how to?

TP: Because I am realizing I am also a hot cake, and can fool around

DBM: How long have you been married?

TP: I prefer not to say

DBM: Why did you get married?

TP: Honest to God?

DBM: Let’s be real

TP: I married because all my friends were getting married and having children. I needed a man so bad that, when I met my husband, though it was partially clear to me he wasn’t ready to get married, I chose to block out all the little red flags he showed me – so he could choose me.

DBM: Red flags like?

TP: I wasn’t his only woman

DBM: So, you chose to be delusional?

TP: I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt

DBM: Did you trust him?

TP: I made a decision to trust and believe the best in him

DBM: That’s fair.

TP: I thought he could change

DBM: For you?

TP: Yeah!

DBM: Because you are the right woman for him?

TP: I could have

DBM: Nothing will change a man who fools women. No-thing!

TP: Hmmm!

DBM: I know a number of married men who want to leave their marriages but are not willing to end it. And so, they start engaging in a bunch of foolish behaviors that they know would piss their wives off. They’re intentional about these acts because they are trying to get their spouses to rather make that move. This enables them to play the victim card because their wives would be the ones wanting to leave. Is that what you think your husband could be up to?

TP: I don’t think he wants to leave me

DBM: Does he love you?

TP: Yes

DBM: How do you know?

TP: He tells me

DBM: Words mean nothing, really! What does his actions tell you?

TP: That he’s bullshitting me

DBM: The people we settle in marriages with do not necessarily have to love us. It’s not by-force, especially if they’re still unsure of the future of their decision. That doesn’t mean they don’t care about you.

TP: Hmmm! I’m not sure how to carry these wandering feelings

DBM: Are you happy with your partner?

TP: I am happy when he makes me a priority but I am not sure how he feels when he’s home with me

DBM: If a man is happy with you, he will not give much thought to all those other beautiful women on his path. He wouldn’t even flirt with them.

TP: And, if he’s unhappy?

DBM: Just as you’re doing, you suddenly notice all the attractive men you work with, and may even consider pursuing them.

TP: Dave, I have to go now

DBM: Wait! Before you leave, participant 162, Shaan, left a question for you: ‘Has life presented you with a challenge that has left you just hanging on?’

TP: I fell in love with my husband, thinking the passion and excitement could last forever. Now, the intensity of it has faded over time

DBM: Falling out of love should not mean you can’t care about each other

TP: Hmmm!

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

TP: What is your understanding of Hebrews 13:4?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Julia Larson

Let’s Talk To Shaan

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 162: My name is Shaan

DBM: Hi Shaan. How would you describe yourself?

Shaan: A phoenix rising from the ashes.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Shaan: I am 8 times happier today

DBM: I usually should be asking ‘What do you want to talk about?’ at this point. On the 2nd of December, 2021, you sent a message to me via Facebook messenger to be posted on my platform for opinions.

‘Dave, quick one. I picked my wife’s phone to make a call. I had low battery. There was an unread message from a guy. My wife had saved his name with a lady’s name. I wasn’t going to open it but because of the nature of the message, I had to read their conversations. The unread message on her screen was,

‘I will do anything for you, sweetie’

Dave, I know a woman can send such message but my instincts were telling me to confirm the gender from their chat. They had a long history chat, and calls. I discovered something that shocked me, and it was from their interactions last year – when my daughter was born. When my wife was in the labor ward, I was leading a presentation for our company. In fact, when my wife forwarded the picture of my daughter to me on WhatsApp, I was about to give a speech at the meeting. I was so excited, I had to announce to everyone I had a daughter.

I used FORWARDED because she originally had uploaded the picture to this man, with the caption, ‘our baby girl’. I took my phone to scroll to see the time she forwarded the same picture to me after sending it to him. 45 minutes. I was an afterthought. My daughter’s middle name is a name he suggested in their chat. My wife added the name to my girl’s name. There was no other suspicious language, but I realized from her call history, they call themselves a lot. A whole lot. They talk for hours and hours.’

Shaan: Yes, I remember

DBM: Did you read all the comments after the post?

Shaan: I did. That was a while ago

DBM: Great! Because my attention has been drawn to the post again, and people are asking for an update

Shaan: A lot has happened since I last talked to you about it. I am no longer with the woman. We had to agree to go our separate ways

DBM: What really happened?

Shaan: Aside making out with the guy I thought could also be my daughter’s father, Boom! News flash: we both weren’t.

DBM: As in?

Shaan: We were not the child’s biological fathers. You know women, even after the DNA test had clearly stated that the child wasn’t ours, she was denying messing around my back. She cried, bringing down the whole nine yards.

DBM: Do you know who the father of your daughter is?

Shaan: Yes. She eventually admitted to having a short fling with her boss’s boss. Dave, it’s all in the past now. I’ve moved on

DBM: I am terribly sorry about what you had to endure

Shaan: It’s in the past bro

DBM: What’s your relationship like with your daughter?

Shaan: She’s not my daughter bro

DBM: And you honestly believe you’re incapable of loving a kid that is not genetically linked to you?

Shaan: Not a child given to me under false pretense.

DBM: Where is your ex-wife now?

Shaan: I don’t know. I don’t care

DBM: Do you mind me asking how long you were married to her?

Shaan: Boss, I don’t want to talk about anything related to that past. I’ve moved on

DBM: I will respect that.

Shaan: Thanks

DBM: What have you been up to since?

Shaan: I’ve been busy paying attention to what inspires me and makes my heart sing. And have been discovering these new things about myself that aligns with my purpose.

DBM: That’s good to know.

Shaan: Yeah, bro

DBM: Do you see yourself giving you permission to fall in love again?

Shaan: Of course. My ex-wife wasn’t the only means through which I could have had my hopes and expectations for a relationship fulfilled. Just because she couldn’t fulfil them, doesn’t mean any and all hopes for a love relationship are over.

DBM: That’s true

Shaan: Yeah!

DBM: What is the one lesson you think you’ve learned from your unfortunate past?

Shaan: Anyone can let you down, especially those who make you believe they love you passionately, compassionately; those who make you believe you can rely on, and trust them wholeheartedly… they are the ones who can kill the love you have for them with their secrets.

DBM: But there are also those who genuinely can love passionately, compassionately, and are reliable and trustworthy

Shaan: I don’t doubt that. It probably was for the best that we ended things. I wasn’t fulfilling all of her needs. She wanted more in her life at a fast pace, but unfortunately, I couldn’t catch up. I didn’t have a good paying job to make her life comfortable.

DBM: Prior to marriage, you had both disclosed your full financial circumstances to each other, no?

Shaan: I did, but I also created a false impression to her, which I regret.

DBM: What did you promise her?

Shaan: A comfortable life, a good life.

DBM: You think you failed her?

Shaan: I think I let myself down.

DBM: Should a man make money by all means – if he has dreams of making a family of his own?

Shaan: From my experience, the one major issue at the center of marital contention has nothing to do with sex, or even the kids. It has everything to do with money

DBM: Are you dating?

Shaan: I am not dating, but I fuck every now and then

DBM: And, does the ‘every now and then’ fulfill you?

Shaan: My prostate gland and seminal vesicles are always producing semen. I need an avenue to be releasing them regularly

DBM: Participant 161, Hilda, left a question for you: ‘Do you prefer a thoughtful balance of invigorating honesty, or a lenient little white lie would suffice?’

Shaan: A lenient little white lie would suffice

DBM: Why is that?

Shaan: From my experience, the truth was very hurtful. At this point in my life, I care about whether you have good intentions around me, and not whether you’re being honest with me

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Shaan: Has life presented you with a challenge that has left you just hanging on?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Ketut Subiyanto

Let’s Talk To Hilda

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 161: Hilda

DBM: Hello Hilda. How would you describe yourself?

Hilda: Daddy’s adorable princess

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Hilda: Five

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Hilda: My father’s blood has been clotting for the past months, and he’s also suffering from stroke. He cannot move his right hand and leg; he cannot eat or swallow food. Even his speech is affected. He cannot see properly; he doesn’t seem to also remember a number of things. He is only 66 years old. My mother is refusing to take care of him. They had a rough patch in their marriage and my mother is using their past to punish him.

DBM: Are they still married?

Hilda: Legally, yes.

DBM: Is there a ‘no’ in the other forms of ‘lly’s’?

Hilda: Traditionally, my mother’s family returned my father’s drinks to annul their marriage

DBM: So, they’re divorced?

Hilda: The court hasn’t pronounced them divorced yet. Neither of them was willing to proceed in court.

DBM: Describe the severity of their ‘rough patch’

Hilda: My father was involved in some affairs, and he packed out of his matrimonial home to move in with one of his women. They were together for 12 years

DBM: ‘Were together?’

Hilda: She was cheating on him too

DBM: ‘On him too’, meaning what?

Hilda: My dad was cheating on her with another woman.

DBM: Let me get this right, your father cheated on your mother with this woman he moved in with for 12 years, and was cheating on her too with another?

Hilda: Yes

DBM: A lot of married women get bored in their bedrooms. Especially those in great marriages, who had known more than one man intimately – prior to marriage. They equally do miss the rush and the thought of being excited in an intense emotional and sexual connection with an attractive man. Most men think they’re the only species moved by what they see. Many women will go after what attracts them too. The only motivation needed is the right challenge to be thrown. A woman’s libido is as alive and kicking, and very enthusiastic about feeling satisfied as much as that of men.

Hilda: My dad messed up, we all know that

DBM: But does he know he messed up?

Hilda: He does now

DBM: You mean to say, it had to take his paralysis and sensory impairment to bring him to his knees, no?

Hilda: Hmmm!

DBM: What happened after your father found out he wasn’t the only smart douchebag in the equation?

Hilda: He sacked her from his house

DBM: They had kids?

Hilda: Yes. I have three half-siblings

DBM: Where are they?

Hilda: They’re with their mother

DBM: How many siblings do you have from your mother’s side?

Hilda: One. A brother

DBM: Where is he?

Hilda: He lives in Tema, with his family

DBM: Are you married?

Hilda: Yes, with children

DBM: I have a clearer background now. What do you want from your mother again?

Hilda: My brother and I have decided it’s the right thing to do for my mother to take care of my father

DBM: Because of what?

Hilda: Legally, he’s still her husband

DBM: In what world? Your father spent 12 years with another woman, and even procreated with her. Didn’t your mother also move on with her life?

Hilda: She’s always believed she was still married to him

DBM: So, she didn’t date or get married?

Hilda: She remained single

DBM: Do you know why she chose not to move on?

Hilda: Yes. He was her true love. She also believed he would eventually come back to her

DBM: With his inability to localize his body parts? Anyways, why aren’t you welcoming your own father under your roof?

Hilda: It’s a huge responsibility. I already have a lot on my plate

DBM: Like?

Hilda: A husband, my children and work. It’s a lot to ask for

DBM: And you think your mother wouldn’t feel overwhelmed, taking care of him?

Hilda: She can do it

DBM: How do you know?

Hilda: I know my mother

DBM: Would you take your husband back to nurse him, if he had treated you the same way your father did your mother?

Hilda: I don’t know, maybe.

DBM: Or maybe not. You know why? Because any man worthy of your love will be unstinting with R-E-S-P-E-C-T. And no woman should be spelling this out to a man.

Hilda: As Christians, I do not think my mother should pay back evil with evil

DBM: If your mother’s peace of mind distracts you from seeing the GOD in her, then you were never good a daughter to her.

Hilda: What makes you think that?

DBM: Because you want to shove your father down her throat

Hilda: My father needs the people he loves around him in these critical moments

DBM: That’s why you and your brother are there, no?

Hilda: We cannot take up this responsibility

DBM: Send him to any one of his other women

Hilda: I’m not sure they would take him in his present state

DBM: Hire a caregiver then. You and your brother can afford such service, no?

Hilda: We can, but our mother would do a better job at loving and caring for him

DBM: Is your mother deserving of something good?

Hilda: Yes

DBM: Then find another alternative to figure help for your father. He is not a pleasant presence to uphold in your mother’s sight.

Hilda: How about forgiveness?

DBM: Forgiveness doesn’t mean you should deny the hurt. It doesn’t mean your father should be let off the hook. You are conveniently explaining away your mother’s hurt, and I find that rather unfortunate and disrespectful. Your mother has the right to want to choose your father in his very vulnerable state. It’s her choice

Hilda: I know

DBM:   It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Hilda: Do you prefer a thoughtful balance of invigorating honesty, or a lenient little white lie would suffice?

DBM: Okay! Thank you!

Image Credit: Charlotte May

Let’s Talk To JJAS

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 159: June-July-August-September

DBM: Hello JJAS. How would you describe yourself?

JJAS: Not sure how

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

JJAS: Four

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

JJAS: I want to confess an affair I’m involved in to my wife. I am not sure whether or not I’d be making the right decision by volunteering this information.

DBM: Why the sudden need to tell her?

JJAS: I have a child on the way

DBM: With the other woman?

JJAS: Yes. And a child is not a secret I want to hide

DBM: Are you certain you’re prepared to share more information about your affair than you’d really want to?

JJAS: I don’t know, Dave

DBM: What do you know then?

JJAS: Do you think I should tell her what is happening?

DBM: What is happening?

JJAS: Oh, bro! But I just told you?

DBM: Which questions would be overly personal in your opinion, should she want to know details?

JJAS: I am not sure

DBM: Do you know what could make me confess an affair, assuming I’m involved in one?

JJAS: What?

DBM: If I respect my partner enough to want to tell the truth

JJAS: I respect my wife

DBM: Then she deserves the whole truth. You don’t have to hide anything from her.

JJAS: I need a favor

DBM: I’m all ears

JJAS: Can you act as my wife and ask me potential questions you would have asked?

DBM: I’ve been cheated on before, so I know the questions I asked my ex

JJAS: Can you role-play with me?

DBM: What, in your opinion, gave you permission to cheat on me?

JJAS: I felt neglected by you

DBM: Neglected in what sense?

JJAS: You take me for granted. You take our marriage for granted

DBM: Is the affair over?

JJAS: I don’t know

DBM: This should be a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ question

JJAS: Not really

DBM: Meaning, no?

JJAS: The affair is not over

DBM: Will it ever be over between you two?

JJAS: Maybe

DBM: Depending on what?

JJAS: I don’t know, man. Can you go to the next question? I don’t think my wife will ask these ones

DBM: Because you don’t think she’s got the smart?

JJAS: That’s not what I mean

DBM: How do you feel about what you’re doing outside of our marriage?

JJAS: I feel terrible

DBM: Do you even feel guilt?

JJAS: I do. I’m very sorry

DBM: Is this the first time you’re cheating on me?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: Is this the truth?

JJAS: Dave, it’s not the truth, but I can’t tell her that

DBM: Why not?

JJAS: It’s gonna make things worse, and I don’t want that

DBM: Well, in this role-play, I am acting as your wife, and I deserve to know the entire story

JJAS: This is not the first time I am cheating on you

DBM: When was the first?

JJAS: While we were dating

DBM: How many times have you been with other women while dating and married to me?

JJAS: 4 to 5 times

DBM: Which is which?

JJAS: Five times, bro

DBM: How many prior to marriage?

JJAS: Just 2

DBM: So, you’ve been with three other women since we married?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: Are you a serial cheater?

JJAS: I am not

DBM: How would you define a serial cheater?

JJAS: Serial cheaters are womanizers. I am not a womanizer

DBM: What are you?

JJAS: Next question

DBM: Do you know why I am asking this particular question?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: Why?

JJAS: You want to know if you can trust me

DBM: No! I’m asking to figure out whether or not you are capable of changing your behavior.

JJAS: I can change

DBM: How?

JJAS: I know I can change

DBM: What do you really feel about me?

JJAS: I love you very much, and it is unfortunate that this has happened

DBM: What has happened?

JJAS: This

DBM: What is ‘this’?

JJAS: Dave

DBM: Yeah

JJAS: Next question

DBM: Did you think about me while engaging in all ‘this’?

JJAS: Not really

DBM: On a scale of 1 to 10, how emotionally invested are you into me and our marriage?

JJAS: 10

DBM: It cannot be 10, if you’re having an affair elsewhere

JJAS: Nine?

DBM: Smh!

JJAS: Hmmm!

DBM: Does she know you’re married?

JJAS: She does

DBM: Does she know about me?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: What have you told her about us?

JJAS: She understands that I love my wife and children, and will never leave nor forsake them. She also knows I will not marry any other woman in addition to my wife

DBM: How does she feel about being the other woman?

JJAS: She knows her place and what not to expect from me

DBM: What’s her place?

JJAS: She cannot come between me and you

DBM: She’s already in there, somewhere. Why is she in a relationship with a married man?

JJAS: I can’t answer that question for her

DBM: How does she feel about you?

JJAS: She loves me

DBM: As in, in love?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: For how long has this been going on between you two?

JJAS: Almost three years

DBM: Are you emotionally invested in that relationship?

JJAS: You want the truth?

DBM: Yes please

JJAS: It’s a beautiful relationship that I would love for it to continue for the long haul

DBM: Why?

JJAS: It’s different from what we have

DBM: How different?

JJAS: I don’t think I can explain it like that

DBM: What is she offering you that I am not bringing to the table?

JJAS: She’s always available to me. You have a lot going on with you all the time

DBM: A lot going on with me in what sense?

JJAS: Work, motherhood, complacency, etc. You’re always stressed or tired, etc.

DBM: That is the wrong I did to warrant an affair?

JJAS: That’s not what I am saying

DBM: Does she work?

JJAS: Yes, but she is always making time for me

DBM: I used to make time for you, no?

JJAS: Yes, when we used to date. Now, you’ve changed

DBM: So, that is what she’s doing better than me?

JJAS: Something like that

DBM: How many kids do you have with your wife?

JJAS: 2

DBM: Is this other lady also a mother of two?

JJAS: No

DBM: Has she a child?

JJAS: She’s pregnant

DBM: Are you responsible for the pregnancy?

JJAS: I am

DBM: How easy was it for you to be lying to me?

JJAS: It hasn’t been easy, Dave. It’s a constant battle to tell or not to tell

DBM: Are you in love with her

JJAS: I am

DBM: You see a future with her?

JJAS: I already have a future

DBM: With whom?

JJAS: You

DBM: And, what does it look like?

JJAS: It could be better

DBM: I see

JJAS: What do you see?

DBM: An end to our marriage

JJAS: My wife will not say that

DBM: How do you know?

JJAS: I know her. She believes in marriage and hates raising children outside of marriage.

DBM: Okay!

JJAS: Are you done with the questions?

DBM: I am

JJAS: What would you have done in her shoes?

DBM: I already answered that question

JJAS: When?

DBM: Before you assured me your wife wouldn’t see what I could see

JJAS: An end?

DBM: The END

JJAS: You cannot forgive a mistake? Should every little thing end in divorce?

DBM: Forgiveness is something that only takes place between me and GOD

JJAS: Explain

DBM: When someone I trust, intentionally hurts my feelings, I go to GOD on my knees and work out the forgiveness bit of it. I do not come to you to discuss forgiveness because I want to let you off the hook. I choose to forgive, not because I want to set you free. Only GOD can save you from your deeds.

JJAS: You will not forgive me?

DBM: I choose to forgive simply because GOD wants to set me free

JJAS: Hmmm

DBM: Participant 157, Kerry, left a question for you: ‘If you had Ghs 155,000 in your account, and your husband or wife stole Ghs 15,000 from you, would you be upset and throw all the remaining Ghs 140,000 away in hopes of getting back at your husband or wife? Or move on and live?’

JJAS: I will keep the 140k. It’s better to hold on to something than nothing at all. 15k can be re-made in a couple of years to come.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

JJAS: What can you do to help my wife heal from this confession?

DBM: Thank You!

Image Credit: Afeez Ajibola Yusuf

Let’s Talk to Aggrey and Lora

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 158a: Aggrey. I am doing this with my wife.

Participant 158b: My name is Lora

DBM: Hi Aggrey and Lora. How would you describe yourselves?

Aggrey: I am a man willing to understand my wife’s point of view, and listen to anything she has to say. I am 44 years

Lora: I’m a wife and mother. I’ve been married for 12 years. I’m a lawyer by profession, and always want to hear the truth, because I try to tell you what I believe is the truth.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Aggrey: 8

Lora: I am 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Aggrey: I came across your Blog and the conversations you’ve been having with people. I shared it with my wife, months ago to read, and we’ve both expressed interest in participating. We’ve agreed to put our marriage under your microscope

DBM: Hehehe

Aggrey: You can ask us any question

DBM: That includes uncomfortable questions?

Lora: Yes

DBM: Okay! What are you astoundingly good at?

Aggrey: I have the ability to have good fun. I also know how to express my feelings, desires and needs without mincing words. I know how to make you laugh.

Lora: That’s very true. We have a lot of humor in our marriage, and we know how to laugh together. What he forgot to also add, he makes his relationship with me a priority, no matter what.

Aggrey: Oh! I do?

DBM: Lol!

Lora: Yes dear, you do. You choose to always spend your free time with me.

Aggrey: But I spend my Friday nights drinking with buddies too

Lora: True, but you’re home before 9:30 pm. You’ve been consistent with that over the years

Aggrey: I guess, I try to be considerate with your feelings. And I want nothing more than to make you as happy as possible

Lora: I am truly happily married to you

DBM: Happy wife, happy life couldn’t be more true

Lora: Exactly!

DBM: What are you amazingly good at, Lora?

Lora: I’m good at making my marriage awesome. I do not compare my marriage to the ones I see around me, especially, on social media. I am good at discussing everything with my husband; if I am happy, I tell him about it. If I am worried about something, I tell him about it. If I am getting scared, confused or in fear, I tell him about it. If I accomplish something, I tell him about it

DBM: And, is he genuinely interested in listening to you?

Aggrey: I love to see my wife thrive and smile

Lora: I am also very good at my job. I am a combination of high intelligence, strong analytical and advocacy skills; I have the ability to communicate effectively – both in verbal and writing. I am passionate about my practice area, and have grasped excellence as an expert in my field. I appreciate the business side of law, but I am more conscious about the outcomes of my arguments.

DBM: What’s the last book that you couldn’t put down?

Aggrey: ‘Lucky Me: A Memoir of changing the odds’ by Rich Paul

Lora: ‘A Heart That Works’ by Rob Delaney. I am currently reading ‘The Extraordinary Life of an Ordinary Man’ by Paul Newman

DBM: What did you want to be when you were 15 years old?

Lora: A lawyer

Aggrey: I’m not sure what I wanted to become at that age. I wasn’t a serious kid

DBM: What do you place first in life?

Aggrey: Me, myself and I

Lora: God, followed by my own needs; and then that of my husband’s, children and others

Aggrey: Dave, can you answer the same question?

DBM: I have a personal relationship and communion with GOD, and so, like Lora, I try to do right by GOD. And then, would do right by myself. The third would be, to do right by those I love.

Aggrey: Nice

DBM: What one thing do you enjoy doing with your partner?

Aggrey: Sex isn’t the most important thing in my world, but it is one of my top needs in our relationship. I enjoy watching my wife walk in a lingerie in the bedroom. I’m a very visual guy, so she looking sexually desirable, gets me into the mood. One thing she does every Friday evening when I return home from work or out drinking with my guys is, I will enter our bedroom, and she’s sprawled on our bed, in one of her delicate and sexy lingerie, waiting to play. I get instantly aroused.

Lora:  I enjoy date nights with my husband. Once every week, we go out clubbing, dancing or partying. Other times too, we just go out to eat and talk. We go on road trips or just decide to travel outside of Accra. If we are not doing any of these things, we’re out going for a stroll, in a slow, relaxed way for our enjoyment. Some of these simple things aren’t tied to a tight budget. Enjoying a moment with the one you love shouldn’t always be about money.

DBM: What is your favorite memory from when you were dating? And, what do you think made it so fun?

Lora: My favorite memory with him from the past is still my present, fortunately for me

DBM: You care to share?

Lora: The effort he put into wooing me. How he pursued me. How he would date me. How he would take me out on a regular basis – just the two of us. Till date, he still plans for us to get away from the house, just to be alone with me.

Aggrey: The friendship we built is my favorite memory of us. The fun aspect of it would be how I managed to always persuade her to keep her trust in me.

DBM: Which of your body parts is your favorite?

Lora: My brain would be my favorite part. I think it’s what makes me who I am

Aggrey: Mine is my broad shoulders

DBM: What is your favorite part of who you are?

Lora: My honesty and ability to listen and learn. My husband knows I will remain faithful and will not cheat on him

Aggrey: I’m a protector, the defender of my family. I take ownership in leading my wife and children. I’m proud of the way I love unconditionally and sacrificially.

DBM: Have you cheated on your wife before?

Aggrey: Yes

DBM: How long ago?

Aggrey: 9 years ago

DBM: Was it a one-time thing?

Aggrey: It happened twice

DBM: With the same person?

Aggrey: No

DBM: Why did you cheat?

Aggrey: I traveled and had gotten so horny. I was also feeling lonely

DBM: Does your wife know about it?

Aggrey: Yes. We discussed it, and she suggested I got laid

DBM: She suggested what?

Lora: I gave him permission to find a woman to fuck

DBM: Did he place such a request before you?

Lora: No!

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband before?

Lora: I have not

DBM: Are you okay with the idea of your husband sleeping with other people?

Lora: I am not, but if I am not in the position to satisfy him at any point in time, I will not mind giving him permission to find someone to satisfy his needs.

DBM: Will you be okay with your wife sleeping with other men?

Aggrey: No

DBM: Why not?

Aggrey: Her emotions may get involved, if she ends up liking the other guy

DBM: Emotions are not involved in your escapades?

Aggrey: What I did in the past was just for the sex

DBM: Had your wife not suggested what she did, would you still have cheated?

Aggrey: Probably

DBM: And, would you have come clean to her?

Aggrey: As in, tell her?

DBM: Yeah!

Aggrey: Probably not

DBM: Why not?

Aggrey: I wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings

DBM: If you could invite any one person into your bed, who would it be and why?

Aggrey: Into my bedroom in the presence of my wife?

DBM: Yes

Aggrey: That is simple: Anita A. Akuffo. She reminds me of my wife. She has a bubbly personality, and just like my wife, she looks her most confident when she’s smiling, laughing or dancing. I don’t like TV but I watch TV because of her

Lora: I wouldn’t mind a threesome with John Dumelo. No, I would prefer my husband rather takes a seat to watch us in bed. He’s very handsome, and gentle. His arms can cuddle and treat a woman tenderly.

DBM: Is there a sexual act that you would like to try, but afraid to ask your partner?

Aggrey: My wife and I have tried a lot of different stuff when it comes to sex

Lora: I’d love to try sex in our car, at night, in town

Aggrey: We can plan and try it before the year ends? It can be fun

DBM: Do you think you have grown lazy in your relationship?

Lora: I don’t think so. I am still excited about my husband and our marriage

Aggrey: Our relationship is active and strong.

DBM: What is your favorite kind of porn to watch?

Lora: LOL!

DBM: Wait! Let me rephrase the question: How do you feel about your spouse watching porn?

Lora: I’ve caught my husband watching porn so many times. I am not bothered by it. We sometimes watch porn together in bed; it’s fun to watch fun stuff and talk nasty with him sometimes.

Aggrey: I love porn

DBM: How do you take each other for granted?

Aggrey: I wish I could participate more with household support.

Lora: I don’t want to do life alone, and I know you do your best to keep me happy. Just increase your participation in raising our kids, and most importantly, in decision making.

Aggrey: I will try

DBM: Thank you, Aggrey and Lora.

Image Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko

Let’s Talk To Price

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 156: Price

DBM: Hi Price. How would you describe yourself?

Price: I am where I am meant to be in life, and with the one I am meant to be with

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Price: I would say, 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Price: I want to talk about Mercy

DBM: Who is Mercy?

Price: My beautiful wife

DBM: That’s nice to know

Price: She’s been the perfect helper for me all these years

DBM: How long have you two been married?

Price: We are in our 25th year this year

DBM: Congratulations!

Price: Thank you!

DBM: What makes Mercy stand out and not blend in?

Price: My wife is very capable. She’s smart, loyal to a fault; a strong woman, merry and genuine with her actions towards me

DBM: How did you meet?

Price: She used to sell close to my former workplace and I used to buy from her

DBM: What was she selling?

Price: Kenkey and fish

DBM: Ga or Fante kenkey?

Price:  Kɔmi

DBM: I see

Price: Yeah

DBM: At what point did you know you were in love with her?

Price: I knew for the first time, the day I heard some of my colleagues at work discussing her

DBM: Discussing her in what manner?

Price: One wanted to pursue and just have sex with her

DBM: And, what was going through your mind after hearing this?

Price: I thought she didn’t deserve to be played

DBM: What made you any different from the other guy?

Price: I was interested in investing in her business

DBM: Why?

Price: Because she made good kenkey, and her shito was really good

DBM: It was business for you then, no?

Price: Business with a certain level of interest

DBM: Did you ever tell her the kenkey and shito were that good?

Price: I did, and so did everyone

DBM: When was the second time you knew you were that much into her?

Price: When I would go to her house to help her prepare the aflata.

DBM: What is ‘aflata’?

Price: It’s the fermented dough cooked with water. I would help her add it to the uncooked dough, before forming it into balls and steamed.

DBM: You knew how to make kenkey prior to meeting her?

Price: No! She taught me the process and I ended up practicing with her. I was the one also putting the corn husks in the bowl of warm water to soften, until they were pliable. I learnt a lot from her.

DBM: What else did you learn from her, aside the kenkey preparation?

Price: A lot. They weren’t direct lessons though. For example, I learned how to thrive in the workforce from her work ethic. I also got to understand that, in as much as she wanted a husband who had earning power, she wasn’t looking for a man to be the sole provider. I got to appreciate her ability to accept a man for who he is. In fact, prior to dating, we had become really good friends and had mutual circle of friends. She was, and still is attracted to smart men because education is important to her. She has a masters degree. She had a bachelors in Marketing when she used to sell kenkey.

DBM: Interesting

Price: Yeah!

DBM: Why do you think she liked you?

Price: I think she knew I was the real deal

DBM: Meaning?

Price: I had her best interest at heart. She knew I cared about her and was willing to help and support her the best way I could. She knew my work wasn’t as important to me as building a home and family. Emotionally, we were both mature; she knew she could count on me. I am trustworthy and good looking. Lol!

DBM: Smh!

Price: It’s the truth, Dave. I’m fine as hell. But on a more serious note, I was attracted to her positive energy and I loved her kind heart. Mercy is hands down, the sweetest, most loving and caring, hardworking woman I know. She is a great wife, excellent mother and my best friend.

DBM: What are some of the downs you’ve had to face in the marriage?

Price: I had one or two affairs, which I am not proud of. She caught me at a point, and separated from me. That was one of the difficult moments in our marriage.

DBM: Why did you cheat on her?

Price: She fell ill, and was bedridden for almost a year. I wasn’t getting any from her and so I thought it was okay to get it elsewhere.

DBM: Did you love whoever you were getting it from?

Price: It was strictly sex. My family is incredibly important to me

DBM: Okay!

Price: Another low was when one of our kids died

DBM: That could be the ultimate tragedy

Price: There is nothing more devastating. It takes a whole lot more than dedication to live through such a loss

DBM: There are no words

Price: Hmmm!

DBM: How did Mercy get over the news of your affair?

Price: My wife, first and foremost, is a forgiving person. She’s still not healed totally from my betrayal and I doubt there is any guarantee she’d be able to. I had to put a stop to it and was willing to completely, call it quits. There hasn’t been any form of communication or friendship between me and the other women. I had to go on my knees to apologize to my wife and children.

DBM: Children?

Price: I had to take responsibility and also let her feel my remorse through my children. I wasn’t willing to lose the woman I love. I had to even forfeit my rights to privacy. I made everything (phones, passwords, location, etc.) available to her perusal.

DBM: Participant 155, Jude, left a question for you: ‘What would you have done differently, if you were in my shoes?’

Price: If I were in Jude’s shoes, I would have stood by my wife’s decision. Dave, my wife makes me. I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true. Mercy does complete me. Our wives are always the ones picking up the slack when we are or not around, and usually do this with all the support they know they can give to make things alright.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Price: Do you have the courage to be lonely?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Austin J. Best 

Let’s Talk To Jude

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 155: Name is Jude

DBM: Hello Jude. How would you describe yourself?

Jude: A widower. I am also a single-father

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Jude: Three

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Jude: When I am at work, everything seems okay, as if nothing has happened to me. But then I come home to an empty house; no wife, no home cooked meal. I have to now go to the kitchen and cook for myself. She was more than just my wife; she was my fashion designer. She chose what I wore because she had the perfect eye for dressing. I never imagined I would be grieving the loss of my wife, my best friend. I feel completely lost, Dave. I miss my wife so much. A huge part of me is absent.

DBM: How long were you married?

Jude: We would have been 10 years in December, 2023

DBM: How did she die?

Jude: She felt bloated and constipated, after undergoing surgery. She donated her kidney to our daughter. She was hospitalized for four nights due to the rate of her recovery process. According to the doctor, she could have lived a normal life with just one kidney. The hospital claims her death was not as a result of the surgery nor kidney failure. I have still not been able to process everything that I am feeling at the moment.

DBM: Which surgical procedure was performed?

Jude: Laparoscopic, I heard

DBM: You heard?

Jude: I was not consulted before undergoing the surgery.

DBM: You did not know about it?

Jude: My wife brought it up for discussion and I was emphatic about my disapproval of her decision.

DBM: Why were you against it?

Jude: Our daughter’s kidneys had begun to lose their function and were worsening over time. The disease had reached its late-stage and required dialysis and a transplant.

DBM: Which stage was your daughter’s condition?

Jude: Stage 5. Her GFR (mL/min) was less than 15. She had trouble concentrating, she couldn’t sleep, had puffy eyes, was vomiting every now and then; her skin started to darken, her urine was foamy, etc. Dave, a whole lot was going on with our daughter, I preferred her dead. She became numb more times than I had seen her smile or laugh.

DBM: How many kids do you have?

Jude: One

DBM: I shared a synopsis of your situation on my Facebook timeline, five days ago, and asked people who had questions for you to send them to me. This is from Richard Qophi Testimony: “What factors or considerations led you to make such a difficult choice between your daughter and your wife?”

Jude: When I was dating my late wife, I made it clear that my priority was mainly to build a life with her. My job as a parent is not to protect my daughter. My job is to raise her with high self-esteem. My wife was the love of my life way before we even got pregnant. And nothing about my love for her changed, even after welcoming our daughter into our lives. Unfortunately, her attention switched from me to our daughter. When our daughter became seriously ill, and ultimately, a financial burden, one of the doctors suggested we considered letting her die peacefully – since we are still young and can get pregnant again. I thought through it thoroughly, and I was going to choose my wife over my daughter.

DBM: In your household, what are your priority list?

Jude: My needs come first, the needs of my wife come second, my daughter’s needs come third, and then that of my household needs as fourth.

DBM: This question is from Tracee Fry-Annan: “Will you consider therapy?”

Jude: I am not in the mood for therapy

DBM: Ruckie Ama Oboubi asks, “Do you see your wife’s decision to donate her kidney to your daughter as a form of guarantee towards her own total recovery?

Jude: Unfortunately, no. I see it as selfishness on her part.

DBM: Ruckie has a second question: “Would you have been proud of your mother if she had made a similar sacrifice for you, irrespective of your father’s disapproval?

Jude: Yes

DBM: Why is that?

Jude: Because she is my mother. My mother is not my wife.

DBM: When a woman is pregnant, her maternal love grows along with the baby in her womb. You know that, no?

Jude: I know

DBM: Your wife’s life took on a new meaning and suddenly was filled with the spirit of selflessness, no?

Jude: Yes

DBM: A woman’s child automatically becomes her topmost priority when her baby is born, you know that, no? Giving up so many things become natural to a mother. So far as it’s for the good of her child, she would do it without really thinking twice.

Jude: That is why I had an agreement with my late wife before we got married and pregnant, not to shift our priorities no matter what. And she agreed to it.

DBM: Simnyewuni Cinta asks, “Would you have been able to watch the love of your life wallow in grief for losing her only child?”

Jude: I would have been by her side to mourn our daughter. She wouldn’t have been going through loss all by herself. My wife knew in her heart that she could come to me with anything, at any time; no matter what the issue was, and no matter what mood I was in.

DBM: She came to you with a difficult decision that made absolute sense to her. And what did you say?

Jude: You will not understand me, Dave. I had a pact with my wife.

DBM: Regardless, she consulted you before making this big decision that has affected you both.

Jude: And what came out of her big decision?

DBM: Your daughter’s good health and being alive

Jude: To the detriment of?

DBM: Hmmm! Anane Wisdom Cyke Mawulolo wants to know the age of your daughter?

Jude: She’s seven years old.

DBM: Yaw Aboagye asks, “What was the survival rate of the surgery? And, what caused the death of your wife during recovery?

Jude: Her doctor says she had over 89% chance of surviving. They still do not know what caused her death.

DBM: Participant 154, Kuukua, left a question for you: ‘Do you think people are replaceable?’

Jude: My wife is not replaceable. I will not allow myself to be placed in a position of supplication.

DBM: Is your daughter replaceable?

Jude: Next question, please!

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Jude: What would you have done differently, if you were in my shoes?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Yusuf Çelik

Let’s Talk To Forrest

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 151: Forrest

DBM: Hello Forrest. How would you describe yourself?

Forrest: I’m in need of a distraction of a sort from the pressure that comes with being a husband. I want what I want out there, but with the security of a wife still intact at home.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Forrest: I’m a 6 now

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Forrest: My wife traveled to go further her education. It’s a decision we both agreed on. It’s also been her desire to pursue higher education. But most importantly, I did not want to come across as a control freak, regulating my wife in what she can or cannot do. I want to be the best husband possible when it comes to encouraging the mother of my children to achieve her dreams.

DBM: That’s commendable. Marriage, under no circumstance should oppress anyone, especially, women from sustaining that momentum in their lives. I think it is the responsibility of every married man to help guide their wife’s focus, when it comes to their academic pursuit.

Forrest: I want the best for my wife

DBM: Exactly! So, give her enough room to manage the aspirations she can measure, and also, pursue the choice she decides on

Forrest: She’s back from the study and I am very proud of her. The problem I am unable to deal with is, in her absence, one of her close friends used to come by with cooked meals and other forms of help to support me. At first, it was purely friendship and we both acknowledged it for what it was. But it grew into something else

DBM: Something else like what?

Forrest: An attraction

DBM: On your side or hers?

Forrest: Both sides

DBM: At the same time?

Forrest: I think so

DBM: Who was the first to draw the other’s attention to their feelings?

Forrest: I was

DBM: And, what did she say?

Forrest: She had been feeling it too.

DBM: Your wife knew about her bringing in food, etc.?

Forrest: She knew the first time she brought in foodstuff, but I stopped telling her when I realized I liked her friend.

DBM: Liked her in which capacity?

Forrest: I didn’t know then, to what extent

DBM: What else does your wife know about your engagements with her friend?

Forrest: Not much

DBM: Is she a single woman?

Forrest: No, she’s married

DBM: You know her husband?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: What else have you done with this woman?

Forrest: Hmmm! A lot

DBM: Have you kissed?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: Have you had sex?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: How many times?

Forrest: A number of times

DBM: You’ve slept with her in your matrimonial bed?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: How many times?

Forrest: A number of times

DBM: Has she any kids?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: How does she manage to come to your house if she has a family of her own?

Forrest: We were making time for it

DBM: Forgive me for asking these questions but I want to gain insight into your reasons for cheating

Forrest: I understand

DBM: Why did you cheat?

Forrest: Emotionally, I didn’t feel connected with my wife due to her absence

DBM: What is your definition of emotional connection?

Forrest: Physical affection and sex

DBM: Meaning, this is something you know of yourself?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: Your wife knows this too about you, no?

Forrest: Not really, though she knows I love sex

DBM: Prior to her absence, had there been any records of infidelity on your part?

Forrest: Once or twice

DBM: That she knew of?

Forrest: No

DBM: Were there underlying issues that might have contributed to all these?

Forrest: No, we have a good relationship

DBM: Was the affair with your wife’s friend purely physical or emotional?

Forrest: I’ve fallen in love with her

DBM: When did you realize this?

Forrest: Six to seven months after my wife had left the country

DBM: How long have you been married?

Forrest: Almost 10 years

DBM: Were you using protection with this woman?

Forrest: Not really

DBM: How about with the other ladies?

Forrest: Yes, but not always

DBM: Is there a reason why you are unable to talk to your wife about what is going on in your life?

Forrest: I don’t want to hurt her feelings

DBM: Will there come a time you believe you can be honest to your wife about your feelings for her friend, and maybe, try to explain your reasons why?

Forrest: I’m not sure

DBM: Do you feel what you’re doing is bad?

Forrest: I don’t know

DBM: Why don’t you know?

Forrest: It’s confusing

DBM: Are you a good man?

Forrest: I think I am

DBM: Is this woman also in love with you?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: So, what’s the plan?

Forrest: We’ve decided to keep our distance, now that my wife is back

DBM: Till when?

Forrest: Till we can get over the feelings

DBM: So, you’re going to cut contact with her, all at once?

Forrest: No

DBM: Is this love, something you feel you deserved?

Forrest: Yes. It was good for me

DBM: Because it filled a vacuum?

Forrest: Not really. I think because it was different

DBM: Meaning, you could have still felt this way about her, whether or not your wife had traveled?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: You’re certain both of you have the correct expectations about your future?

Forrest: For now, yes. Ours respective families should come first.

DBM: Participant 150, Ozigbodi, left a question for you: ‘What has been on your heart or mind lately?’

Forrest: My wife. My marriage. My family, and my feelings for the other woman, and what it represents.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Forrest: How do you process the feelings of confusion or loss?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: August-de-Richelieu

 

Let’s Talk To Ozigbodi

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 150: Ozigbodi

DBM: Hi Ozigbodi. How would you describe yourself?

Ozigbodi: My life involves growth

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ozigbodi: 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ozigbodi: I smile now, and for the first time in my life I don’t feel alone. I feel so comfortable with myself. I think I am in love, but I am not so sure. How does it feel like to fall in love?

DBM: Is this your first relationship?

Ozigbodi: No

DBM: Is it your first time feeling this way with a man?

Ozigbodi: Yes

DBM: How long have you known this person?

Ozigbodi: We’ve been friends for nine years

DBM: What type of friendship?

Ozigbodi: He is my boss at work. Acquaintances, no strings attached. But I knew the first day we talked in his office, that we were going to be great friends. He felt comfortable talking to me about his personal issues; with time, I was also able to put my walls down to trust him with my personal information.

DBM: Was he single when you first met?

Ozigbodi: He is a divorcee

DBM: Okay! So, single then?

Ozigbodi: To the best of my knowledge, yes. We’ve grown closer in the years as best friends.

DBM: Are you having sex with him?

Ozigbodi: Yes

DBM: For how long?

Ozigbodi: Since 2017

DBM: I see

Ozigbodi: I used to be married too

DBM: How long were you married?

Ozigbodi: 5 years. We divorced in 2014

DBM: What led to the end of your marriage?

Ozigbodi: It was really not anyone’s fault. My ex-husband was a great man. We were just not compatible. We were two very different people and our priorities couldn’t align. That’s what I think broke our marriage.

DBM: To the extent that it was beyond repair?

Ozigbodi: Yes

DBM: So, on what grounds was the divorce filed?

Ozigbodi: Incompatibility

DBM: You had kids?

Ozigbodi: Yes, two

DBM: Are you compatible with the new relationship?

Ozigbodi: I am the first person he calls to share every detail of his day with. And, this has been him since we both realized our friendship was good for us.

DBM: Can you date back to this particular day?

Ozigbodi: Yes, it was the 19th of September, 2012. A Wednesday, to be precis

DBM: This is the date you also knew there could be more to the friendship?

Ozigbodi: Yes! I found myself acknowledging that he was the first person I would call every evening, to share every detail of my day with. Even though we worked at the same firm. My ex-husband also seemed to have found his person he enjoyed sharing details of his day with.

DBM: Do you know why your current guy got divorced?

Ozigbodi: Yes, adultery or cheating

DBM: With whom?

Ozigbodi: Not sure. I didn’t want details

DBM: But he did the cheating?

Ozigbodi: Yes

DBM: Alright!

Ozigbodi: He has made the effort to reorganize and reimage his life to please me. What will make me happy is his priority now. I do same for him.

DBM: Good for the both of you. So, what’s the way forward?

Ozigbodi: I want marriage

DBM: You’ve discussed it with him?

Ozigbodi: Yes

DBM: And?

Ozigbodi: I’ve told him I cannot imagine dating him for all these years, doing the cohabiting thing, and giving him and our relationship my everything without him also considering putting a ring on it.

DBM: Is marriage what he wants?

Ozigbodi: Not at the moment

DBM: But it’s a possibility?

Ozigbodi: I don’t know. I know he wants to have a child with me. I know he enjoys being intimate with me. I know he wants to make and share a home with me

DBM: But he doesn’t want to make you, his wife?

Ozigbodi: Hmmm!

DBM: Is he financially fit?

Ozigbodi: Yes

DBM: What’s his concern?

Ozigbodi: He thinks marriage will twinge his current lifestyle.

DBM: Which is what?

Ozigbodi: Late-night out with his friends, and the freedom to do whatever makes him happy

DBM: I see

Ozigbodi: He doesn’t want a situation where he has to go through another divorce. He’s also told me he feels comfortable with the security of his financial assets if no woman is his wife. He says a wife will take all his money if there is to be a divorce

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Ozigbodi: Do I need marriage to legitimize my relationship with my boyfriend?

DBM: I know many people who are okay committing their lives to their partners outside of marriage. Question is, is that what you want?

Ozigbodi: No!

DBM: Participant 149, Sipho, left a question for you: ‘how do you evaluate success?’

Ozigbodi: When I am authentic in my dealings while loving what I do. I feel like a success right now because I am committed to what I love.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Ozigbodi: What has been on your heart or mind lately?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Adrienne Andersen

POPULAR

Contact Us

  • maildmbir@gmail.com

Copyright 2022 David B - All Rights Reserved | Design: Javanet Systems