Tag: Marriage

Playboy Almost Retired

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Dave, please come to my rescue. My husband portrays himself to be well-to-do. People out there think he has money but I live with this man. I know the kind of hustle enabling him to feed himself and the family, or so I thought. I am recently finding out that he has bagged a sugar momma. It wasn’t just her. My husband basically targets women who have large purses to dupe. He forces himself to give these women attention, affection and is even trying to love them, all with the intention of making them give him money so he can take care of me and the children. From the information gathered on his phone, all the ladies know he is married to me and has children.

My husband is an Elder in church. He preaches. He leads people to Christ. And is living this fake moment, sleeping with me and two other women older than him. One is a divorcee and the other is a widow. I know my husband is very handsome, attractive, vibrant, aggressive and intelligent but should a married man be doing this to his loyal wife? My husband is a big liar; broke-smart for the streets but a hypocrite to the core. What hurts me the most is the type of conversations he’s been having with his friends. They all believe finding companionship, true love and the correct synergy should go hand in hand with someone with money.

I am broken and lost in the sea of vengeance. I want to teach him a bitter lesson. In fact, Dave, I want to become a widow. It’s amazing how a lot of young women have actually done well managing their deceased husband’s wills. He is not rich but he has made some money from these women he’s taking advantage of. I believe playboys should to be permanently placed on retirement I want to take over his savings and invest into lucrative ventures. I am so angry right now I feel like projecting all the hurt and anger on him. I want to take my power from being a victim. This level of betrayal has made it impossible for me to continue to love him.

I don’t want to do what I am considering doing. I don’t feel like speaking to him either, that is why I am pouring my frustrations on you. Please help me to calm myself down so I don’t do something stupid.

Image Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko 

The Waakye Seller

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Good evening, David. I want to share my love story but keep me anonymous. I have been married to the same woman for 16 years. She’s the lady seated next to me on my profile picture. I have not known any other woman but her. Before I met my wife, I was always praying for the perfect woman to marry. My wife used to sell waakye for her madam. She helped her cook it and then, she would come and sell. She had set her shop in a busy area near where I used to work.

I always thought she was beautiful but never gathered the courage to tell her. I was one of her loyal customers and she knew exactly how much I was going to spend every time it reached my turn to be served. We got to that stage of knowing each other on a first name basis. She was very popular in the neighborhood because of two things; the food was good and she was pretty. Every guy wanted to buy from her. I got jealous a few times I was in line to buy waakye because she knew almost all the guys by their first names. And the kinds of cars that would park by the roadside just to buy waakye. I felt some of the men wanted to flex with their rides just to catch her attention.

I was next in queue behind a ‘big’ man she was attending to who was asking her a number of personal questions. The man was assuring he could provide nice things for her if she would agree to date him. When I heard him say that, I remembered I also dress to look good just for her. It wasn’t completely for waakye or work. All the corporate guys in the queue were saying the right things and doing the right things to catch her attention. She finished serving the ‘big’ man and for the first time she asked, ‘Kwabena, what do you want?’

She realized I was fuming with jealousy. I wondered what she meant by ‘what did I want!’ Because she had already started topping my usual order with stew, eggs, gari, wele, shito and salad; wrapped in the banana leaf. She handed my food to me, took the money and whispered, “I want to know how you feel. I want to connect with your heart. All I desire is security and trust.”

From that day, I knew I had to pursue her because she was valuable enough to catch my full attention. She saw me beyond the customer she had retained. The fact that she liked me too made me want to be the perfect man for her at all cost. My focus shifted that day on the kind of life I wanted to live, and most importantly, the kind of boyfriend and husband I wanted to be. My favorite waakye seller was an amazing woman and I had to become an amazing man in order to love her well.

I have been a man of my word in the 16 years we’ve been together in holy matrimony. Not once have I dropped a vow because a beautiful woman gave me attention and opportunity. Not once have I considered backing out on my marriage or family or commitments. When we officially decided to be exclusive, I stopped flirting with other women. I was no longer casual texting or communicating with old and new flames. I stopped my eyes from lingering and wandering.

Some of us grew up watching parents do marriage anyhow. My father did not know how to do marriage right with my mother, and because of that, could not teach me what they did not know. So, when I got married, I made a decision to love everything about my waakye seller. The sacrifices this woman has made for me and our children; even how she runs our household. Whenever she shows up for me with intimacy, I am nothing but excited and happy to be one with her. Dave, my wife knows she cannot fail with me by her side and I am always validating and appreciating the little she does for me and the children. Not once have I made her feel unattractive. She’s beautiful and sexy and she’s comfortable flaunting all her assets before me. I have no expectations about how the mother of my children should look, perform in bed or even behave. We should not be the men burdening our wives because I am not.

Image Credit: Darkshade Photos

Worth Trying

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Hi Dave. Thank you for this platform. I have been married for almost nine years and the last time I had sex with my husband was eight and a half years ago, on our honeymoon. He was involved in a very scary car accident after dropping his cousin who was his Best Man at our wedding, at the airport. He was on his way back to our hotel, according to his narration, when he saw a headlight coming his direction. He didn’t know how big or fast the approaching truck was. Thankfully, he survived. The truck driver however, died on the spot after his vehicle rolled several times through a fence. He was driving recklessly and it cost my husband dearly.

He’s been in a wheelchair since and had to deal with excessive pain in his back, hips and legs. It’s been a terrible experience not being able to enjoy marriage the way I had it planned in my head. I thought I was prepared for this whole ‘For better for worse’ and ‘In sickness and in health’ vow but Bruh, it’s no joke. I have managed to cope with the probable physical limitations he may have to live with, but I did not anticipate him losing his personality entirely too.

Marriage is no joke, Dave. People will say and do what helps their agenda, especially when you realize the kinks in the relationship has become knots. We were dancing to the tune of miscommunication which veered into resentment and disinterestedness. My husband emotionally pulled away and I did not see it coming. He wanted me to leave him because he didn’t believe I deserved him in his state. He gave up on me and I almost also did. His fears and concerns for me caused our disconnection. He did not see a reason in repairing what he was breaking each and every day with his attitude of not talking to me. He expected me to read his mind to know he was hurt for being in a wheelchair and unable to have sex with me.

I did not get married to him expecting to be divorced. That was not part of my plans, so I decided to take on the full spectrum of responsibilities, from becoming not just his wife but an amazing wife. I did not just become his nurse but the best of caregivers. I managed our household and did the best I could to cheer him up, even when he didn’t want to smile. I made him laugh and cry tears of joy. It was exhausting but I had to do it for my own mental health. I had to do it for my man, my husband, my best friend and lover; while I continued to work full-time.

Marriage is a lot of work when the unexpected befalls you. I had to change and be willing to do the work all by myself. I stopped myself from having to talk back at him before being loving. It was tough but it worked. It caused my husband to stop his bad attitude of needing love first before talking right at me. I had to tell myself many times to stop focusing on what was wrong in our marriage to what was right. I had to do the loving on this man who felt did not deserve my love. And I started to feel more love than I had ever felt for him.

I introduced pole dancing in our bedroom with the intent of impressing my husband with the sexiest and nastiest acrobatics my body could do. My goal worked and my husband now gets to be sexually stimulated with my beauty and poise. We do not have to always struggle to keep our marriage afloat. I chose to change myself to save my marriage. I am so glad I came to that realization. I stopped pointing fingers at the accident. I stopped pointing fingers at his wheelchair. I stopped pointing fingers at his inability to have an erection or have sex with me. I stopped pointing fingers at his attitude. I stopped blaming my husband for everything going wrong in our marriage. I stopped calling family and friends to vent or seek pity. I stopped being mean and decided to rather keep my emotions in check.

My husband is also changing for the better. Anytime he realizes that I am upset, and can sense my worries, pain or frustration, he takes a moment to understand what I am going through. He cares about my feelings. We are focused on building a healthier, happy marriage. And this is inspiring a positive change in our marriage and relationship towards one another. It was hard to let him off the hook to work on myself. But I dove into being a good wife, and it kept me interested in my husband and our marriage. It was worth it.

Image Credit: Jaycee300s 

Exploring Gray Areas

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Dave, no judgement. We know you. You think every black man is up to no good. That was just by the way. There was a time in my life that I had to be tilting the screen of my phone away from my wife anytime she walked by. A lot was happening on the apps on my phone that I didn’t want her to see. I had to be changing my passwords often because she was getting suspicious. It got to that point where privacy suddenly meant everything to me. I was in the wrong for having all these cheating tools hiding in plain sight.

I didn’t know she had installed Spynger and Eyezy to track activities on my phone, computer and cloud. She had access to all my SMS messages, call logs, photos, files and even my location. Things and contacts I had deleted, she had access to all. Dave, I work in IT, and mSpy had been installed and running quietly in the background, monitoring my social media posts, messages, friend lists, people I followed or chat with and I didn’t have a clue.
She gathered her evidence before confronting me. I didn’t have much to say because everything she was showing me did happen. She did not talk to me for two weeks. I came home from work one day and she told me she was no longer interested in having a monogamous relationship with me anymore. She wanted us to agree on guidelines that allowed us to screw or have emotional relations outside of our marriage. This is not an arrangement I was in favor of, but because I messed up first, I couldn’t fight it.
I asked if it was going to be purely sexual or we were allowed to look for emotional intimacy and she said she didn’t care. ‘Whatever happens, happens’. That was her response.

I also asked if we were going to play outside our marriage individually or together and she said individually. Dave, I love my wife and children and I do not want to raise my kids in two separate homes. That is why I was willing to allow her proposition in the first place, so she could even the score. I asked my wife how long she wanted the set-up to last so we could put the past behind us and get back to where we left off. She said the new arrangement was going to be our new normal. I’ve been thinking about this for sometime and have been wondering whether she’s opting for it because she already has someone in mind or she’s just not happy with our marriage?

I want to keep an open mind while I consider her offer. Though this might be the perfect opportunity for me to think outside the box about what more I might want sexually that I was afraid to ask previously, this eventually could also be the end of us if we are to open this door to explore the gray areas.

Image Credit: Sherman Trotz

Someone Someone Hugs

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Dave, it’s my turn to share my love story. I have been married for 14 good years. Before I got married, I was spending more of my time with people who were either twice or thrice my age, despite being in my 30’s. And for some strange reason, I couldn’t get along well with people my age. I felt I was missing something anytime I was in the company of my peers. I found conversations with people in my generation boring and uninspiring.

I met my wife through her grandfather. He was my former teacher in Senior Secondary School. I had moved to a new neighborhood and I found out from an old school mate that he lived in the area. He was my economics teacher. He could not remember who I was but he was one of my favorite teachers. We connected somehow, and he introduced me to some of his circle of friends. I was invited to their weekend gatherings and activities, and over time, became friends with all of them.

I loved hearing them share their work experiences with me and how they were living as retirees. When it came to the subject of love and relationship, I learned a whole lot from their stories. Their individual choices, decisions and affairs intrigued me. They had lived their best and worst lives and had dealt with their fair share of the consequences thence. Because I was interested in everything they had to say, they shared all the life advice they felt I needed to hear.

I was at work one day when I got a call from a lady. “My grandfather has been diagnosed with cancer”. She introduced herself and asked if I could come to the hospital. I got to know at the hospital it was the last-stage cancer because it had gone undetected for years. He was scheduled to go for surgery to get the tumor removed and I had to be the one reassuring his only granddaughter. She felt so dejected because her grandpa was very healthy at his age. There was no assurance given that he would come out alive.

My phone rang one midnight and for the first time in my adult life, I felt that empty pit of severe ache in my stomach. She had confirmed my biggest fear. Her grandfather was gone. Dave, I was unprepared for her bereavement because I didn’t know anything about her. I only knew her grandfather. I rushed to the hospital to support her while she waited in pain for her parents to arrive from Krobo Odumase.

There was nothing I could do or say at that moment to make her stop crying. I walked to her, held her in my arms for so long, and then hugged her so tight. Her eyes locked on me gently while I held her close, doing the best I could to calm her fears away. It was that one act of hugging away her tears and grief that it dawned on me; I wanted to be someone that someone wants to hug. Dave, imagine you knew that lady you briefly locked eyes with at the hospital was actually praying for a man like you to come into her life?

I married her because she knew how to be honest with me without hurting my feelings. She also gives really good hugs. She lets me eat off of her plate. I can be myself around her. Her personality is genuine. She’s smart and brings me closer to God. And the best part, we can have fun doing absolutely nothing. I also realized later on, she was the first person I wanted to look at when I woke up in the morning. I can confidently tell you today that for the past 14 years, anytime I am about to leave the house, I hug my wife for a whole minute. And when I return home, she hugs me for a minute before we talk about anything else.

Image Credit: Polina Tankilevitch 

Make An Offer

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David, I have been married to Sefakor for 10 years. We talked about the possibility of a marriage when we were dating. I have to admit that there were times I doubted our relationship. There were times that I strongly felt like it could work. The marriage I have today, 10 years later looks very much different from the marriage I thought I was going to have with my wife when we were boyfriend-girlfriend. I was the fast and furious type. A fuckboy who could masquerade as a woman’s prince charming, develop strong connection and feelings, only for the flame to fizzle out after I had a bite or two.

Right from day 1 when we first met, she made me understand that she wasn’t going to subject herself to any kind of unhappy situationship with me. She wasn’t going to waste her time with a man who did not deem it fit to earn and keep her trust. Dave, this was Day 1, and I hadn’t even suggested anything to the tune of me liking her. The women I used to chase were the types I could tell something today, and then do something entirely different tomorrow, and would get away with it. Sefakor’s encounter with me the first day I laid eyes on her left me scratching my head in confusion.

I was so confused and found the whole conversation funny, I left her office to my car, sat in the car for about 20 minutes laughing at myself. The next thing I realized, I had gone back to her office to ask for her number. The player in me felt challenged to come up with an optimal strategy, a clever way not to date her but rather maximize the likelihood of satisfaction. At least I thought I had such a formula.

I called her the following evening, talked for about an hour on the phone and then asked her out on a date. Before agreeing to our first date she asked if I was also talking to other women. I lied initially but she demanded an honest answer. I told her ‘Yes’. She followed up with, “how many women”? And of course, I lied about the number. They were five in total but told her two. She asked if I had gone on any dates with the ladies and I affirmed.  It was our first date. Although I knew she was incredibly gorgeous from our encounter in her office, this was going to be my first time of looking at her from a lustful appetite point of view.

There she came into the restaurant, slim, tall curvaceous. I nodded towards my direction and she joined me at the table. The moment she sat down she laid all her cards on the table. She wanted me to treat our first date as a job interview. Since I had mentioned, I was talking to two other women, she was presenting herself as the third candidate being interviewed to be my personal secretary. She actually made me imagine our date as a job interview. Her conditions were, at the end of our date/interview, I should have made a decision whether or not to give her the job. If I could not make a decision I could stand by with my full chest, then there wasn’t going to be any further conversations between us.

I thought it was an unfair pressure but she had a point. I wasn’t committed to any of the other women by that time I was on the date/interview with my sixth candidate. We spent close to four hours talking and getting to know each other. When we were done with the interview-date, I had to make an offer or move on. Dave, do you believe in love at first sight? It’s crazy mehn! That night, I knew I had so much respect for Sefakor. Even the way I talked to her with respect, I wanted to handle her so carefully. These past 10 years, my wife allowed me to be who I was and allowed me to grow for myself. She did not force growth and change on me. My sixth candidate was the last candidate I ever interviewed. I offered the job to her because my plan was to date for the fun of it but Sefakor met me with so much substance.

Image Credit: Terrillo Walls

Let’s Talk To Unathi

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 190: Name is Unathi

DBM: Hello Unathi. How would you describe yourself?

Unathi: My stomach is full, my balls are empty

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Unathi: 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Unathi: I want to share my experience in marriage. I’ve been married to Sbusiso for 12 years. And in all the years we’ve been together, he’s poured his love into me every moment. I’ve never been adored from head to toe like he adores me. He loves me to the extent that I know I am not alone in this. Love that confirms to me every day, that I am a part of something way bigger than myself. Our future looks bright, our dreams look interesting because it has the potential to come true. Our journey, though not always smooth, has been rewarding.

DBM: That is nice to know. How did you meet?

Unathi: I knew his cousin and he had been trying to get us together. The cousin invited me to his graduation dinner, and had simultaneously invited over Sbusisso too. That was how we first met. He made us sit side-by-side at the restaurant and practically, forced us to talk.

DBM: Hehehe!

Unathi: Actually, when he walked in, I recognized him immediately because his cousin had told me a lot about him. I had also seen pictures of them together.

DBM: Was he the type you usually would go for?

Unathi: No!

DBM: You knew this prior to meeting him?

Unathi: I did!

DBM: Interesting

Unathi: He wasn’t unattractive. He just wasn’t the type I found attractive.

DBM: Understood!

Unathi: Also, I had made a decision to adjust my standards and be willing to get to know him as a person. Five minutes into our conversation, I discovered I had a belly laugh that could grow with each second he tried to be really funny. That was the first ‘something’ I noticed to find physically appealing and attractive about him. How he made me smile and laugh. I liked his smile. I liked his laugh.

DBM: If you could change anything about the way you were set up to meet your husband, what would it be?

Unathi: I would change the context of the meeting. We were at a graduation dinner, with a lot of his family and friends. I would have preferred the two of us alone at the table instead.

DBM: You liked him already?

Unathi: I started connecting on an emotional level in less than an hour of meeting him. In that moment, I knew the rest could fall into place.

DBM: Attraction does grow with time.

Unathi: That is true

DBM: I’m very proud of you for giving a man you usually wouldn’t go for a chance to know you.

Unathi: One of the best decisions I ever made in life. I have been pleasantly surprised and been loved in a way that still makes me feel like, I am the only one in the world who truly matters to him.

DBM: Do you feel you are in love with who your husband is right now as a whole? Or you’re only that much into his good side, and maybe, his potential and, or the overall idea of him?

Unathi: Firstly, I wouldn’t have gone for a skinny, bald man, who is my height or a bit even shorter. I liked them tall, dark, thick, very well built and manly. My husband is the total opposite of what I go for physically, in features. But none of it mattered in less than an hour of talking to him. He calmed my fears that, I was bold enough to request for a real date. Something about the way he talked to my spirit sowed a seed of happiness and fulfillment in me that I never expected. I’m okay with the man Sbusiso, and I love the shit out of him.

DBM: In other words, you’re not settling for what you deserve?

Unathi: I’m fighting for what I know I do deserve: A good man who loves me to the end.

DBM: What is something that surprised you about falling in love?

Unathi: I used to think love alone formed the foundation of a marriage. Now, I know respect rather is its cornerstone. Had the respect between me and my husband not been mutual, our pillars of trust, understanding and communication would have crumbled by now. Mind you, I am not the easiest guy to live with, and that alone bypasses explanation.

DBM: What does a happy marriage look like to you?

Unathi: A bond that consists of true love, understanding, respect and resilience, nurtured now for the future. That is the promise we make at home every day, to stand by one another.

DBM: What do you remember most about the first time you had sex with Sbusiso?

Unathi: Eina! It was a horror movie.

DBM: Lol!

Unathi: Picture this: First Blood, 1972. Sylvester Stallone as John Rambo, bending to take a dick.

DBM: You’re funny! Lol!

Unathi: I’m serious! I’m a top, my husband is a top. And because the love was new and felt good, we did not pay attention to our sexual needs before falling in love and agreeing to be in a relationship.

DBM: Was it that difficult a subject to discuss?

Unathi: It was. I almost admitted it was a mistake, and was ready to move on to find someone who could be more compatible with me.

DBM: How did you find a way around it?

Unathi: We had a long talk and came up with ideas. My first suggestion was for us to get a submissive bottom to play with. A guy to be used and shared. Sbusiso was against it. My second idea was for us to find a third party that was a bottom and have 3-somes together. Again, he wasn’t open to it. He wasn’t willing for us to break up, and so he suggested alternatively fucking each other in the ass. I had that in mind already but I wasn’t going to be the first to suggest it to him.

DBM: Were you open to it?

Unathi: Yes

DBM: ‘Yes’ because you actually wanted to try bottoming or it was the cleanest avenue to do it in order to finally say ‘no’?

Unathi: I loved him so much, I wanted to try to become verse. He was willing to do same for me because he cared about me. But I wanted to top him so bad, I flipped a coin thinking heads would surface in my favor, only for me to be the first to bottom.

DBM: Lol!

Unathi: But he was slow and gentle. He lubed me up well, while he teased, fingered and sucked me to get me in the mood. I was by this time so horny; he entered and made me whole. That was one of my best orgasms ever. It was jol all day-all-night. Since then, we’ve been taking turns during sex.

DBM: Have you ever cheated on your husband?

Unathi: No

DBM: Has he ever cheated on you?

Unathi: Not that I know of, no!

DBM: What’s one way you think you’ve changed since you met your husband?

Unathi: I’ve become more aware and intentional, not just of my husband’s needs but those around me. I’m less stupid and scared or afraid to see what is in front of me in the present – so I don’t miss the hints and opportunities to them. I used to also fear disagreements but my husband has taught me how to face them head-on. In fact, whenever we quarrel and he’s even in the right, he is never interested in winning the argument but rather growing together from the experience with me. I’ve learned prioritizing harmony over proving a point.

DBM: That is strong. Thank you for sharing your experience with me.

Unathi: Any time

DBM: 😊

Image Credit: Uriel Mont 

Let’s Talk To Osaze

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 189: Osaze

DBM: Hello Osaze. How would you describe yourself?

Osaze: A beautiful woman with lips like petals, soft and inviting

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Osaze: 4

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Osaze: My husband is emotionally unavailable to me. He is married to his job, and because of that we argue over every little issue I find crappy. He goes to work early and stays out late on the regular.

DBM: Work should not be the detriment to a relationship

Osaze: Same thing I said. Dinner is always cooked and ready when he gets home from work late. He wouldn’t talk about the food or show any interest in my day. He only launches into how his workday was, and wouldn’t stop talking about work and other people. He cannot make time for me at home; he’s either on his phone or laptop.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Osaze: 7 years

DBM: Was he always a workaholic?

Osaze: Prior to marriage?

DBM: Aha!

Osaze: No, not like this. He was hardworking but not busy

DBM: Were you important to him before you got married?

Osaze: He made time for me

DBM: How much time?

Osaze: He used to call, text, take me out and spend quality time with me

DBM: Have you discussed these concerns with him?

Osaze: I have and the vibe he gave was that, he wouldn’t be too disappointed if I left him

DBM: Most men naturally would be the best versions of themselves for the women they want. A man will shut down if he doesn’t want you anymore.

Osaze: My husband has shut down

DBM: I only have one question, are you comfortable being just a place holder in his life? Because such men only have time for you when they are ready

Osaze: No!

DBM: He’s shown you the roadmap. Can you live with it?

Osaze: I cannot.

DBM: Do you have a timeline to his change in character?

Osaze: Four years ago, he returned from work around 8:30 pm and was smelling. Dave, it was pretty bad. My husband is the type that would repeat the shirts he wears to work. I used to take it upon myself to do his laundry but he hates ironing, so he’s always choosing the easier route: wearing whatever he’s worn in the past days. He jumped on the bed that evening and initiated sex. I refused and insisted he took his bath. That was the beginning of everything going wrong.

DBM: I do not see the wrong in your action. You were teaching him the importance of cleanliness. I will not have sex with a partner who does not bath or brush their teeth

Osaze: Dave, this guy sometimes will not even brush his teeth because he believes the mouthwash was created for a similar purpose. He can be so unpleasant and I cringe when I have to smell his body odor in the evenings on our bed. He expects to be given a blowjob, knowing very well I complain about how sticky and gross his junk becomes when he’s not taken a bath after work.

DBM: Have you tried showering together to get him clean?

Osaze: He comes home late. I cannot always be waiting for him to return before retiring to bed. I work too. I attend to the children, and it gets tiring sometimes

DBM: How is his sense of smell?

Osaze: My husband can have his eyes locked on me talking about something, while absent-mindedly scratching his junk because his balls itch. He would smell his fingers, make a disgusting face, smile, and then use those same unwashed hands to eat.

DBM: 😊

Osaze: I’ve bought him quality boxer-briefs to solve these problems but he keeps wearing briefs he’s worn for days and would be sliding his hand down his pans.

DBM: Some of the briefs we wear do not necessarily solve the hand-down problem. Our penises can be stubborn in our underpants. They can slug awkwardly to the left or right and would need adjusting or a tweak to position it in the comfortable place.

Osaze: I get it, but sometimes I feel like there is no reason for my husband to be grabbing his jewels in public while standing. It’s embarrassing when he does that with a boner. He thinks I am a nag when I complain about these things

DBM: A man cannot stand in public doing nothing while his tent is pitched for the eyes of people. We will always tuck the erect crouch up into the waistband of our underwear and trousers so preying eyes wouldn’t easily tell the difference. It’s a necessity, unfortunately.

Osaze: What do I do about my main problem?

DBM: You are not happy in your relationship.

Osaze: I am not!

DBM: If I am not happy about my relationship with someone, I reevaluate it.

Osaze: How? Because I have tried talking about it with him but he doesn’t seem to care

DBM: If he is choosing not to care, then do not make him a priority when all you are to him is an option. Prioritizing marriage means making the feelings, hopes and dreams of a partner as important as your own. Marriage is all about making comfortable and uncomfortable compromises and lifting each other up.

Osaze: I am tired of cleaning up after him

DBM: Many women do their best to clean up after their messy spouses but it’s a difficult task to get a messy man to see the error of their ways, especially if that’s what makes sense to him.

Osaze: Should I kiss him if I’ve been denying him sex?

DBM: Do not kiss him unless he’s brushed his teeth. Mouthwash alone in the mouth doesn’t cut it. It’s actually gross

Osaze: Okay!

DBM: Participant 188, Beata, left a question for you: ‘Discus infertility in a marriage where both the man and woman want to have a child but are infertile?’

Osaze: Infertility places stress on a couple. My suggestion would be not allowing your reactions to situations to be emotionally charged. I believe in patience and making of allowances for the inevitable. Childlessness is a process, do not force any deadlines

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant.

Osaze: What do you look and sound like when sex feels so good?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Dziana Hasanbekava

Let’s Talk To Plumb

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 185: Plumb

DBM: Hello Plumb. How would you describe yourself?

Plumb: I don’t understand myself today

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Plumb: 3

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Plumb: November 2023, I drove my wife to the hospital because she was complaining about a sweltering sensation in her midsection. After a number of tests done on her they detected cancerous lesions. The doctor’s prognosis was that it was a terminal something. She’s currently stage 4. My wife became very weak in February, 2024, and we have not had sex since. In fact, our last sex was in December last year, before I first took her to the hospital. She’s not reacting too well to chemotherapy and watching her suffer breaks my heart. A few days ago, she suggested I find myself a girlfriend to meet my physical needs. I have never seen her like this before.

DBM: Seen her like what?

Plumb: Never seen her give up on herself

DBM: Because she suggested you find someone else to clear your hot?

Plumb: Not just that. She doesn’t think she’s going to beat the cancer. She’s been crying since December

DBM: How old is she?

Plumb: 41

DBM: What do you think your wife really wants for you?

Plumb: I don’t know! To be happy?

DBM: She also wants you to be yourself. She needs you to love her in your own way, since you’re both processing this scare

Plumb: I need to have sex again

DBM: You’ve not been with anyone since the news?

Plumb: No!

DBM: Have you been with anyone else prior to December?

Plumb: No!

DBM: How long have you been married?

Plumb: 5yrs

DBM: I see

Plumb: I feel like if I am to go ahead with what she’s suggesting, I would be the bad guy; and my conscience will fight me

DBM: A man’s character is who he is in the dark. For the moment, all I can say is – you have demonstrated your character pretty well

Plumb: Do you think I should do it?

DBM: Do you want to?

Plumb: I want to have sex

DBM: Do you want to have sex with another woman?

Plumb: I want to have sex

DBM: Okay! I have a question: prior to your wife’s illness, was sex outside of your marriage a boundary you and your wife had set or discussed as unacceptable?

Plumb: Yes

DBM: Okay! Any relationship where the people in it have not given themselves enough room to discuss boundaries, cheating is bound to happen

Plumb: She’s given me the go-ahead now. Do we still classify it as cheating?

DBM: Would you categorize it as cheating?

Plumb: I don’t think so

DBM: Does the thought of it excite you?

Plumb: No!

DBM: How does it make you feel?

Plumb: Conflicted

DBM: Why?

Plumb: I can’t explain it

DBM: Do you think your non-verbal cues and/or mannerisms at home, or towards your wife, might have pushed her to suggest this to you?

Plumb: How so?

DBM: We’re men; when every night is just not the ‘right time’ for her?

Plumb: Every night has not been the right night for her for almost eight months

DBM: Are you happy in your marriage?

Plumb: Truthfully, no! My wife is sick

DBM: That is the only reason?

Plumb: Also, because I don’t feel loved and appreciated.

DBM: Due to the lack of sexual intimacy with your wife

Plumb: Yes. Sex is how I feel loved

DBM: I know! And I think your wife cares a lot about you

Plumb: Yes. How do you deal with rejection at home?

DBM: What type of rejection?

Plumb: Sex

DBM: For my home, it’s not a straight ‘No!’ when one person is not in the mood for sex. It’s ‘not tonight, babe’ and we simply schedule the sex to the next morning or a later date that we both would look forward to. We always end up being the most amazing partner in the other’s eyes, just because we show one another how much we still care even if we’re not in the mood that moment to make love

Plumb: That’s cool vibes

DBM: Yhup!

Plumb: I don’t think my wife’s suggestion is genuine

DBM: Then, do not take it on

Plumb: It’s not easy, Dave

DBM: Such is life sometimes; a man would have to lose the one thing he thought he would never be able to live without – just to realize that, the thing he most certainly would not be able to live without is himself, and of course, his integrity.

Plumb: It’s not easy bro.

DBM: I can understand, and I applaud you for your candor. I am just hoping everything happening around you, and at home, will teach you an even greater understanding of who you are as a man, husband and father, if you have children.

Plumb: We have a four-year old son

DBM: You are strong. You are resilient. You are kind, and full of love for your dear wife and son.

Plumb: It was nice talking to you.

DBM: The pleasure is all mine. Participant 184, Calvary, left a question for you: ‘Are you voting Bawumia or Mahama, and why?’

Plumb: We’ve all heard their promises, smart-lines and lies, excuses and misrepresentations, but Ghana’s ability to succeed is why I believe former President Mahama should be re-elected. He is far from perfect but looking at the two options at hand, VP Bawumia does not seem to have a clear knowledge about the economy. We’ve all witnessed him talk about plans he’s implemented in the past seven and half years but has he been able to produce specifics that are really working for the good of the people? The arithmetic doesn’t work within the present government. That’s the truth. It’s a very corrupt system and government.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant.

Plumb: Will you fight for a relationship that you know is worth fighting for? Why?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Cottonbro

Let’s Talk To Calvary

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 184: My name is Calvary

DBM: Hi Calvary. How would you describe yourself?

Calvary: A once in a lifetime kind of woman

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Calvary: I am 5-ish today. It may change tomorrow

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Calvary: I came up with a solution to solve my husband’s weak ejaculation problem. His erectile dysfunction is a cause for concern in our marriage. And I wasn’t ready to start looking elsewhere to find good sex, that is why I thought through this idea before executing it.

DBM: What do you mean by weak ejaculation?

Calvary: Ne kɔteɛ nu ejaculation decreased in force and volume

DBM: I see. So, what was your brilliant idea?

Calvary: Viagra solution

DBM: 😊 Good for him

Calvary: He doesn’t know he’s taking it

DBM: How do you mean?

Calvary: I mix in with his soup, drinks, stew, tea, etc. on a daily basis. Well, depending on what he’s asking me to prepare or give to him at home.

DBM: But that is wrong, no?

Calvary: How is it wrong?

DBM: Did the two of you consult with a doctor about what’s best for him?

Calvary: I figured it out myself. His ego wouldn’t allow him to see a doctor.

DBM: How do you know?

Calvary: He’s my husband, I know him.

DBM: Is it working?

Calvary: Not the way I was hoping it would.

DBM: How long have you been doing this to him?

Calvary: Since the beginning of the year

DBM: What you are doing is criminal

Calvary: It’s not

DBM: Are you your husband’s doctor?

Calvary: Lol!

DBM: No, I’m being serious.

Calvary: I know what I’m doing

DBM: Have you considered your husband’s overall health?

Calvary: He’s fine

DBM: Has he any medical conditions he’s being treated for?

Calvary: Not really

DBM: Meaning, you’re not sure?

Calvary: He’s healthy, believe me. Just a little high pressure here and there but that’s all.

DBM: Viagra may or not be safe for men with high blood pressure. It actually interacts negatively with certain medications

Calvary: How do you know? Are you on Viagra?

DBM: No, but I’m just saying! I know it should only be taken once a day

Calvary: I will be careful

DBM: It’s not about being careful. You are drugging your husband

Calvary: I am healing the sick

DBM: What is the appropriate doze given him?

Calvary: I mix 20-mg tablet into whatever liquid I serve him. With the exception of water

DBM: The day he will experience a heart attack or die, remember to inform his family you were mixing Viagra to feed him.

Calvary: I have another pressing issue to discuss

DBM: What?

Calvary: There is this guy that I think I am attracted to. He is not available but I feel like we connect in our own special way.

DBM: He is not available, meaning?

Calvary: He is married

DBM: Are you available?

Calvary: I want to be for him – if he’s willing to avail himself too

DBM: Why?

Calvary: He is something my husband is not

DBM: What?

Calvary: Very considerate and caring, and kind.

DBM: And?

Calvary: Successful

DBM: In other words?

Calvary: Lol! Rich

DBM: Was he in the picture before your husband?

Calvary: Yes, but we hadn’t discovered our attraction for each other

DBM: When did you realize you liked him?

Calvary: When he told me he couldn’t stop thinking about me

DBM: Why is he thinking about you?

Calvary: That’s the same question I’ve been asking myself

DBM: Why are you thinking about him?

Calvary: He’s the kind of man I want for a husband

DBM: But he is married

Calvary: I know

DBM: What kind of man is your husband?

Calvary: He is my family. He is a wonderful man. I love him very much but I may just not be in love with him anymore

DBM: We all had to make the decision to wind up with strangers we ‘fell in love’ with, who later became our family. We are not supposed to stay in love with them all the time. The intense attraction is a temporary phase that is supposed to keep us together for a period, so deeper and meaningful feelings of love can develop and take root in us. You can choose to toy with the idea of fucking it all up.

Calvary: But don’t you also think life is rather too short to be married to the wrong person?

DBM: Are you married to the wrong man?

Calvary: Sometimes, I feel like I am

DBM: Then discuss the direction your marriage is going with your husband, so you can consider ending with him to see where things might go with the other guy.

Calvary: It’s not that simple

DBM: Do you see your husband truly happy with someone else?

Calvary: Yes

DBM: There’s your answer

Calvary: I am not in love with him

DBM: I believe you. Your answer to my question just clarified that

Calvary: Marriage is not easy. Hmmm!

DBM: When a bond you once shared weakens, your marriage automatically becomes vulnerable to outside factors that sometimes, damages it further. To stay married is a choice I make every single day, because I am content with what I have for a partner.

Calvary: I am not content with what I have

DBM: Very well understood. Your destiny is always in your hands, and so influence, direct and control your own narrative of love. Make your love-life what you want it to be, and with whoever you may want it to be with.

Calvary: Thank you!

DBM: Participant 183, Sabrina, left a question for you: ‘Why did your relationship with your ex not work out?’

Calvary: We grew apart

DBM:  It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant.

Calvary: Are you voting Bawumia or Mahama, and why?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Rdne

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