Explained With A Venn Diagram

Prosper: I have an incredible story to share

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Tell me. Tell me. Tell me

Prosper: This week marks my 18^th cohabitation anniversary.

DBM: With your partner?

Prosper: I wouldn’t call her ‘my partner’ because we’re not shacking up in the bedroom. She was supposed to move in with me temporarily because she’s still married to her husband.

DBM: Huh?

Prosper: I’ve been living with a married woman and her daughter for 18 years.

DBM: Explain with a Venn diagram

Prosper: Hahaha. According to her, there was abuse and serial cheating and she had to make the difficult decision to leave her marriage. She had been married for nine years, thrown herself into the relationship, given birth to two kids, a boy and a girl. After the 9^th year she realized how burned out she felt and did not have no more to give. She described her marriage as out of balance. So, she took her daughter one afternoon and run away.

DBM: Leaving the son behind?

Prosper: Yes

DBM: Does she know how the boy is doing today?

Prosper: No

DBM: Wow! Who are you to her?

Prosper: Best friend. We go way back. High school mates

DBM: High school sweethearts?

Prosper: No. High school mates. No strings attached

DBM: Nothing has happened between the two of you after running to you?

Prosper: Nothing has happened

DBM: Are you a married man?

Prosper: No

DBM: Dating someone?

Prosper: No

DBM: Do you like this friend staying with you?

Prosper: Yes

DBM: Does she like you as much?

Prosper: Yes

DBM: Have you kissed?

Prosper: I wish. No

DBM: Define your friendship

Prosper: I love her. I am in love with her and this secret lives in my head as I’ve never expressed it to her or anyone else. I know she admires me too.

DBM: You admire her in the romantic sense?

Prosper: Yes. She brightens my day. But I have been curious about something

DBM: What?

Prosper: Why would a married woman just pack her bags and leave her whole life behind for 18 years and not look back?

DBM: We know the man or woman we marry. We do not know the person we separate from or divorce later on in the marriage.

Prosper: But why would she separate her own children in that manner?

DBM: Have you asked her?

Prosper: No

DBM: I’m guessing she asked herself whether or not she would be proud of her daughter if she were to find herself in a marriage like hers.

Prosper: I have a warm and lasting relationship with her daughter. She calls me father. I am in my step-father role. She comes to me for advice and is always thankful because I have been there for her and her mother all these years. I’ve been providing their needed security, love, conversation, friendship, hopefulness, trust, and anything they need to survive. It’s my little unconventional family I’ve built.

DBM: I don’t know what or how to feel about this. It’s kind of, tricky

Prosper: I feel the same way. What if she packs her things one day and just leaves?

DBM: You think about that?

Prosper: Every day

DBM: They’ve done 18 years with you. You are definitely bringing something valuable to the table.

Prosper: Dave, do you think this is going to have a happy ending?

DBM: Having feelings for another man’s wife is normal. Acting on those feelings is what I honestly do not know how to speak on. What you’ve described to be feeling for her seems to go beyond the bedroom. This kind of loving and intimate friendship is rare.

Prosper: I would have married her if she wasn’t married

DBM: I believe you. She has to do something about her marital status, if she’s that much into you too. Because at the moment, her marriage is still in your way.

Prosper: What would you have done?

DBM: I would have asked her to return to her husband and make a decision to leave him legally. It’s been 18 years. Believe me, her husband did not sit in waiting. This is how you know a married woman or man loves you and has every intention of being available and coming for you: by being willing to try to break free from whatever is holding her back – for your sake.

Prosper: Hmmm. When she first moved in with me, she said before that her husband would make divorce as difficult as possible if she ever tried to leave. He thinks it would wreck him financially. Staying with him was also causing her a lot of suffering.

DBM: Her family of orientation, do they know where she is?

Prosper: They don’t know where she lives, but she visits her parents and siblings with her daughter twice a year. They know she’s doing fine.

DBM: How are you getting laid since she’s not given you an official invitation?

Prosper: I find sex elsewhere. My sex drive is insane but it’s just sex. My house mate is my soul mate. She’s the woman of my dreams and the lady with whom I know we can have an expected life and have a family. She’s been the one person I have experienced true love, true romance and emotional intimacy, minus sex with. We meet our needs for conversation.

Image Credit: Cottonbro