Let’s Talk To Coffie

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 99: Coffie

DBM: Hi Coffie. How would you describe yourself?

Coffie: I try not to cross the line of being inappropriate. I’m a gentleman

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Coffie: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Coffie: I smoke cannabis every day before going to bed, because it relaxes my nerves. I cannot do without dope, also because it puts me in the mood for sex. I love sex; every woman I have been with orgasms satisfactorily because the weed increases my sex drive. Pot alters my sexual libido to do more rounds of sex when I am high. Even though my girlfriend testifies to the amplified pleasurable sensations that arises in her when I am high on marijuana, she doesn’t like the fact that I smoke weed. She wants me to quit smoking; something I don’t think I can do.

DBM: How old are you?

Coffie: 39

DBM: And, for how long have you been smoking weed?

Coffie: Since I was in SSS 2. A few of my friends were into it, and I became curious and later wanted to experiment. Initially, it was just for the fun of it but I got to realize it was a stress reliever. I could manage my emotions and moods, cope with depression and anxiety; it helped me feel good, forgetting all of my worries. I could sleep better, analyze situations from a higher perspective and it takes away boredom

DBM: What do you do for a living?

Coffie: I am a Petroleum Engineer

DBM: How long have you and your woman been an item?

Coffie: Two years

DBM: She’s known you to be smoking all this while?

Coffie: Yes. I was actually blowing off steam in my car the first time she walked up to me

DBM: Why does she wants you to stop?

Coffie: I usually keep my smoking habits discrete and can carry on through my daily activities without smelling like dope. Her family invited us to dinner, and I think the smell of the weed smoke had clinged on my skin and shirt. Her dad and brothers got the hint and they weren’t in favor of our relationship before I could even introduce myself to them.

DBM: I hate the smell of weed. I would not have liked you either

Coffie: But Dave, my favorite flower has different aromas. Do you know about that?

DBM: I don’t!

Coffie: It depends on the strain; however, I will not dispute the fact that, some can be dramatically strong

DBM: How much weed had you smoked prior to the family dinner?

Coffie: Just two rolls, nothing major

DBM: I see

Coffie: My girlfriend wants me to either stop smoking or lose her

DBM: That’s easy, no?

Coffie: Easy how?

DBM: You’re going to stop smoking because you love her

Coffie: I love her, but I don’t want to feel pressured by a woman who is using my love for her to make an uncomfortable decision that does not align with my desires and beliefs.

DBM: You think she’s trying to control you by making such a request?

Coffie: She’s already been denying me sex, because I’m still smoking. I find her recent attitude towards me to be manipulative. Boss, I don’t treat her bad, I don’t chase after other women when I am in a relationship. I am aroused when I am high and my woman is the only person I think about. Why is she threatening to leave me because I won’t stop smoking?

DBM: Why do you love her?

Coffie: She’s sincere, and I love waking up next to her every morning. I want her in my future because she has an awesome body and enormous arse; we’ve made good memories and I get amazed when she doesn’t know how beautiful she is. She’s very gentle and kind, smart and sometimes, humorous. Her car is always messy and would argue with me if I try to clean it. I love those little arguments with her. A few things about her that I admire; her smile, laughter, energy, enthusiasm. She’s my close to flawless.

DBM: Did she give her reasons as to why she doesn’t want you to be smoking weed anymore?

Coffie: No! And I don’t want to carry any resentment towards her due to this disagreement

DBM: Prior to the family dinner, was she okay with your smoking habit?

Coffie: No, but she wasn’t making an issue out of it. She understood this was me. Now, I am stuck with what to do.

DBM: Do you see yourself giving up smoking any time soon?

Coffie: Dave, if I did not give it up as a teenager to stay in parents’ house, what makes you think I would now? I don’t do alcohol. I don’t do tobacco. I don’t chase women. Why should I give up the one thing that keeps me on my toes to work hard for my money?

DBM: You will choose weed over the love of your life?

Coffie: My simple rule in life is that, if a woman can ask me to choose between something I enjoy and her, then she’s already making the choice easier for me. Because I will never put someone I care about in that position of choosing

DBM: Is smoking it the only way you can take it?

Coffie: No, but smoking it is my favorite. I vape it sometimes. When I am at work, I eat or just drink the grass.

DBM: Don’t you think part of her concerns could be, marijuana being addictive and harmful to your health?

Coffie: It does not affect me in a bad way. I am fine

DBM: You are certain it does not affect productivity at work?

Coffie: I don’t get high at work. My body is accustomed to the amount I take at work. The effects wear off in seconds. I am always sober during working hours

DBM: Hmmm!

Coffie: Dave, I know what I want in life. I know what I want to do with my life. I know the name of the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know my final destination ahead of time; that is why I am making the choices I make and taking these little, necessary steps to get me there. People who may not understand me may see my choices to be bad, but my ‘bad’ choices are also bringing me to the right places and people.

DBM: Does your girlfriend follow my Facebook platform?

Coffie: I don’t know

DBM: This is what I can suggest, I will let you have the last word to tell her something. When I publish our chat on my blog, I will send you the link so you send it to her to read. Cool?

Coffie: That is also a good idea

DBM: You have the last word

Coffie: Matilda, have a little faith and trust in our process. It’s just you and me in this, remember? Just as I allow you to be yourself in the relationship, can you allow me to be myself too? I don’t feel comfortable changing who I am to fit into your family’s ideals of who the right man for you should be. You are fervently religious and I am not, yet we’ve always found a common ground to be happy. We’ve both made sacrifices because we truly love what we have and like each other very much. I don’t think we are too different to allow whatever is causing this friction between us to eat away our faith in love. I love you, and I want to be able to express this feeling without being judged. Please allow me to be my true self around you and let’s have an interesting relationship. I am available tonight to discuss your expectations and boundaries, and any other ways we feel we can be of support to one another. I don’t want our differences to cause any more issues in the relationship.

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Bubune

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 98: I’m Bubune

DBM: Hello Bubune. How would you describe yourself?

Bubune: Born-again husband

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Bubune: Eight out of 10

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Bubune: I was 29 years old when I married my wife. I did not love her as at that time because I wasn’t ready for love. In hindsight, I would say I was marrying a wife while I still had other girls on my mind. I wasn’t secure in the woman I was marrying; I wasn’t satisfied when we settled for the honeymoon. I knew she loved me more than I liked her because it was supposed to be casual sex with no strings attached. But she got pregnant, and her dad being the Area Head of their church, decided we got married. Abortion was off the table. A wedding was planned in less than three months, and part of our package was to travel outside Ghana, a week after the wedding.

DBM: How did you two know each other?

Bubune: My dad is also a retired Apostle. Our parents were friends

DBM: Okay?

Bubune: When we left the shores of Ghana, I was all my wife had. She doesn’t make friends easily, and she couldn’t relate to my kinds of friends either. Here I was with a woman I did not love and feared hurting her feelings because she would have been devastated.

DBM: Why were you having sex with her – if you did not like her?

Bubune: You mean before marriage?

DBM: Yes

Bubune: She wanted to try sex for the first time. I was one of the few friends she had and could talk to about it. Our friendship wasn’t that tight but she knew she could trust me.

DBM: How old was she?

Bubune: 23 or 24. She knew I did not love her, even on our wedding day, because I had a serious girlfriend – though I was exploring outside the relationship with other girls.

DBM: Yeah, a woman knows when you are not that much into her. She will know when you are not excited about her; when you do not miss or want her; when you do not see a future together with her in it

Bubune: Unfortunately, she did not mind being stuck with me

DBM: Her reasons being?

Bubune: Initially, she thought dependability and monetary refuge could make up for love. I had a good paying job in Canada, and was living the life. She also had the nerve, sanguinity and a hefty amount of hope in her future with me. She told me once, ‘you will learn how to love me one day.’

DBM: Were you her first boyfriend?

Bubune: I think so. She was a virgin when we had sex

DBM: ‘You will learn how to love me one day’. Did you?

Bubune: I did

DBM: At what point did you start realizing it?

Bubune: My text messages with her started putting smiles on my face for no apparent reason. There were no butterflies in my stomach, or anything. All I know is, I could trust her, and tell her everything. I could tell her about the women I was hooking up with, the sex-gone-bad a day or night before; the new girl I thought I was falling in love with or flirting with me, etc.

DBM: Interesting. She wasn’t peeved or jealous?

Bubune: She probably was but I think she denied her feelings of rage and jealousy. She could make fun of me or be cynical to the extent that, I rather begun assuming she didn’t care about me anymore.

DBM: Was how she felt about you significant?

Bubune: I thought it wasn’t till it was

DBM: How did that thought make you feel?

Bubune: Worried and sad. I had hit rock-bottom because her behavior kept me guessing and wanting her not to leave me hanging. She could be aloof and holding back on her true feelings when I was being foolish with other women. It got to a point; I would intentionally have an affair or flirt with ladies for her to see – just to get a reaction, but she wouldn’t show any. She would act normal and encourage me to do what makes me happy.

DBM: Were you happy doing all that?

Bubune: I was lonely, honestly

DBM: You couldn’t have been lonely; you had the affection and attention of others, no?

Bubune: Yeah, but not that of my wife’s. She had lost the interest she used to have in me. And she looked happier

DBM: I’d rather be alone than to be lonely

Bubune: I didn’t want to be alone, and I didn’t want to be lonely

DBM: So, what did you do?

Bubune: I had to change and build attraction. My wife needed convincing so I became better at getting her attracted to how good I could make her feel.

DBM: You build on a love relationship; you don’t just find one

Bubune: Fact! I started respecting her as my wife and gave her all of my attention. I heard her when she spoke, and I made attempts to understand her concerns. I became very supportive, and invested in her interests and passions. I learnt about them and could stimulate her mind. I took notice of where I stood in her life and our marriage and showed up in my best self. I started having a positive outlook on life in general, and I was happy about it and even proud of myself.

DBM: Vulnerability sometimes involves, offering someone your whole truth without them asking for it

Bubune: I was vulnerable enough to re-align my priorities and self. I recognized where I had gone wrong with my wife, and I made the efforts to make it right by her

DBM: Did she see the effort you were putting into reaching her?

Bubune: She did

DBM: How do you feel about your wife right now?

Bubune: My wife wants me to be for her, so I cheer really hard now. I love her so dearly, I want to continually honor and serve her, give off my best to inspire her and never cease praying for our happiness together as a unit.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Bubune: 26 years

DBM: Oh, wow!

Bubune: Seven out of those years, I did not consider her feelings. I lied and lived a selfish life. And it wasn’t just a fleeting lapse in my judgement

DBM: There are a ton of husbands out there biting the dust with blurred lines in their marriages. What would you tell a wife who is finding it difficult to recover from the pain of betrayal?

Bubune: Every wound has its own way of healing. Heal at your own pace and forgive your husband if he is deserving of your forgiveness. If he keeps showing you that he never really is with you on the journey, do not spend the rest of your life with him. Go solo

Image Credit: Rdne Stock Project

Let’s Talk To Ejo

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 97: Ejo

DBM: Hi Ejo. How would you describe yourself?

Ejo: A wife, nursing mother, and teacher

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ejo: 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ejo: I gave birth to my second child six months ago, and I have been going through a very difficult phase that has made me gain so much weight. I am trying to get back to my pre-pregnancy figure but I am becoming heavier instead. My husband started running indirect jokes my way. He recently asked when I am going to lose all the fat. Even during sex, he will make a joke out of something in relation to my weight and it will kill my mood. I’ve told him I don’t like the mean jokes he’s been making but it’s falling on deaf ears.

DBM: Why does he make jokes about your weight?

Ejo: He finds slim attractive. He also thinks such jokes will motivate me to lose the weight but it’s actually hurting my feelings. I was dressing up in front of him just recently, and I caught him staring at my stomach and shaking his head in a funny way

DBM: That’s not cool. You don’t intentionally hurt the feelings of the woman you love, especially not over some silly crap like a few extra pounds

Ejo: Hmmm!

DBM: But you are eating right, no?

Ejo: I am

DBM: How about workouts?

Ejo: I exercise regularly

DBM: Are you getting plenty of sleep?

Ejo: I try to but I am not fitting into my clothes

DBM: Could it be a medical something sabotaging your efforts to stay in shape?

Ejo: My Mother-in-law tells my husband I am the one being lazy. I feel like they’re intentionally putting pressure on me to lose the weight. He laughs when his mother makes comments about my weight.

DBM: Wait! You gave birth just six months ago, no?

Ejo: Yes!

DBM: So, where from the rush to lose weight? You’re still breastfeeding and you need sufficient calories for milk supply; even your overall healing and lost energy and nourishment

Ejo: When my MIL sees a lot of food on the plate of my first child, she would go and take a chunk off it, and be using my weight as reference to why my daughter shouldn’t be eating too much. My husband will also be suggesting to our daughter that, women have to look skinny and pretty.

DBM: You’re very kind

Ejo: Why do you say that?

DBM: You’re allowing your mother-in-law to teach your daughter how to disrespect you, while you sleep in the same bed with her own son, who clearly needs a lot of improvement. What right has she got to tell your child what to eat? How well did she train her own son?

Ejo: I am just trying to maintain peace in my household

DBM: But at what cost?

Ejo: Dave, whenever I complain, I am the one being ridiculous

DBM: Subjecting yourself to bad-mannered people can affect your self-esteem and make you second-guess yourself

Image Credit: Anete Lusina

Let’s Talk To Ursula

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 96: Ursula

DBM: Hello Ursula. How would you describe yourself?

Ursula: Trying to contain water in a paper bag

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ursula: 4

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ursula: My husband took me out to dinner on my birthday, and after the cake and presents, he asked for a divorce. He did it in the presence of a man we both respect and trust. I should have known something was off because I did not understand why it was just the three of us without the children.

DBM: Did you see this coming?

Ursula: Not at all, because we have a beautiful relationship. I agree that the time we get to spend alone together is sometimes, inadequate. This is mainly because we both have got demanding jobs to do, we have a home to run and two children to raise.

DBM: This is tough.

Ursula: On our way back home, I asked what was going on with him and he said, ‘it’s for your own good.’ If it’s for my own good, tell me what the problem is so I determine whether or not it’s in my best interest. He went silent on me and just drove the car.

DBM: What are you going to do?

Ursula: I will not accept a divorce

DBM: You know he is not asking for a divorce, right? He is explicitly telling you that a divorce is going to happen, whether or not you like it. He does not need your permission.

Ursula: This is so unfair. I have done nothing wrong to him. Why should he start the legal process without giving me an explanation?

DBM: How long have you been married?

Ursula: 19 years

DBM: How old are the kids?

Ursula: They are both teenagers

DBM: Hmmm!

Ursula: I am so angry and extremely upset

DBM: At this point, you have no choice but to allow his decision to sink in, while respecting it. You need to renew your mind and heart, and give yourself some time to grieve

Ursula: I am shocked, but I know that lost love can be salvaged

DBM: He said he doesn’t love you anymore?

Ursula: He has not given his reasons. Dave, we were having frequent sex; enjoyable sex. He knows that I am willing to do anything he wants for our marriage to be successful. I will do anything for him to be happy

DBM: Sometimes, very little can be done to keep or lose a man

Ursula: I want my marriage to continue

DBM: The man he brought along to your birth-date dinner, what was his take on your husband’s decision?

Ursula: He kept telling me it was for my own good. He also said my husband isn’t happy in the marriage, which I do not believe. They’ve been talking behind me, but I know my husband loves me. Something is just off. Assuming he is even unhappy, does it have to end in divorce? I am willing to save my marriage

DBM: I admire your desire

Ursula: He will come around

DBM: I hope he does

Ursula: We met on a flight to London. My seat was next to his. He was by the window and I wanted to sit by the window so bad, I couldn’t stop wishing in my head we made an exchange. Before we took off, he asked if I wouldn’t mind exchanging seats with him. Those were his first words to me, and they met a need. I asked his name, told him mine and then, started to talk. Before landing in London, I was sure where I stood with him. He did not shy away from discussing his interest in me. We were both single.

DBM: What happened in London?

Ursula: He was there to work. I was there to school. We went on several dates and enjoyed being with each other. It was a satisfying relationship because we weren’t putting in so much effort to make a relationship happen. We were just happy together as friends who liked each other. Easy-fun-friendly love affair; something like that. Two years on, it dawned on me, out of the blue, that he has been the only man in my life who was sensitive to my needs and feelings.

DBM: Explain his sensitivity to your needs and feelings

Ursula: He ensured I was well taken care of while in school. He was happy whenever I was happy. I could be my true, authentic self around him and not fret about acceptance. His energy was positive, and so was his support for me. We had a strong friendship then and now. Him as a boyfriend then spent all his free time with me. My husband spends all his free time with me. Dave, imagine having someone in your life whose sole purpose is to make everything more pleasant and enjoyable when they’re around you. That is the kind of man asking me for a divorce. I can’t, I won’t.

DBM: You need to be the mature one to show him kindness and a loving memory of you. Because at the moment, you’re the only one interested in the marriage. Refusing to understand why he wants out wouldn’t make him fall in love with you any quicker.

Ursula: I still don’t know why he wants a divorce. That’s why I am anxious and mad as hell. What would you have done differently?

DBM: I don’t know; but I am naturally a calm person, so I am certain I would be calm about it.

Ursula: Even without an explanation?

DBM: Even without an explanation – I know I will give him space

Ursula: Why would you give him space?

DBM: Distance can also make the heart grow fonder. I know, it’s cliché but it does quiet when things tend to feel out of control in life

Ursula: What if giving him space gives him room to be with another woman?

DBM: I will still put up a front and go about my normal routine. Don’t beg him; don’t yell at him. Do not give him attitude nor chase after him. Let him be while you put the spotlight on you. Look good, feel good, make yourself happy and alive till he notices you or at best, starts to miss you

Ursula: What if he doesn’t notice me?

DBM: If he doesn’t, then at least you would have noticed your own efforts in handling yourself the best way possible

Ursula: I can never understand you men. Do you guys even know what you want?

DBM: Your husband knows what he wants at this time in his life. A man’s needs changes as he grows, while his relationship evolves. What a man needs today may not be what he wants tomorrow.

Ursula: Same with women, Dave

DBM: I know

Ursula: I don’t know if you understand how much I love my husband?

DBM: I believe you love you husband, and it’s a good thing. However, do not lose yourself in the process of wanting him in your life, so-much-so that you forget you are equally an amazing woman worth keeping by someone who actually wants to be with you.

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

 

Let’s Talk To Noah

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 95: Noah

DBM: Hi Noah. How would you describe yourself?

Noah: I respect everyone around me, and I think people enjoy my company; I don’t put people down or deliberately hurt their feelings

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Noah: 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Noah: One of my close female friends is dating a guy I believe is not good enough for her. I don’t think she deserves how he sometimes treats her. Unfortunately, I don’t think she sees the bad in him because she’s completely fallen for him, and he knows, and is taking advantage of the opportunity to play her.

DBM: How long have you known your friend?

Noah: 17 years

DBM: And, for how long has she been dating this guy?

Noah: A year

DBM: How do you know he treats her bad?

Noah: She tells me things

DBM: That he treats her bad?

Noah: Not in those exact words. A friend of mine is close to her boyfriend and he tells me he’s seeing another girl on the side

DBM: You have any receipts?

Noah: Receipts?

DBM: Proof of him seeing another woman?

Noah: No!

DBM: Are you dating?

Noah: I am single

DBM: How old are you?

Noah: 34

DBM: Are you in love with your friend?

Noah: Lol!

DBM: Why are you laughing?

Noah: I am not in love with her

DBM: You think she deserves better, no?

Noah: I do!

DBM: Do you consider yourself a better alternative

Noah: It wouldn’t hurt. She’s my friend and I know her well

DBM: Has she ever come to you to vent about what he’s done to hurt her feelings?

Noah: Many times

DBM: I would suggest you wait for one of such moments to chip in your thoughts about him. Sometimes, unsolicited opinions on relationships are hardly ever welcomed when a friend is in love

Noah: Her mother wants me to date her

DBM: She’s not her mother. She wants to date her boyfriend, let her be

Noah: What if I can make her happy?

DBM: Do you know what she desires in a man?

Noah: Every woman wants a good man; I am a good catch

DBM: Sometimes, good is just not good enough for some people

Noah: But she’s not happy in the relationship. I know this, Dave

DBM: Because she told you she’s not happy?

Noah: Because I know my friend

DBM: You clearly don’t like this guy, do you?

Noah: I don’t; he is bad news and a cheat

DBM: Yet, he’s the one dating her

Noah: He made her abort a pregnancy because he wasn’t ready to be a father. My friend came to my house to cry

DBM: Was your friend ready to become a mother?

Noah: Yes. Now, I don’t know how to comfort her loss

DBM: Comfort her by remaining her best friend. And try as much to be there for her – with a judgement-free attitude and presence till you’ve gotten a sense of where her head is at.

Noah: She wants a man who will love her and marry her. I am that man

DBM: How do you know you’re the one?

Noah: We have an unspoken connection which is intense. Even her mother senses it between us

DBM: Who put this whole idea of you and her in your head?

Noah: How do you mean?

DBM: It was her mother, no?

Noah: No Dave. This is all me. This is a woman who lights up when she’s around me. I am my best version of self when I see her. Will it be selfish on my part to ask her to end things with him so she can choose me? I will be asking this from a place of love and respect for her

DBM: You’re certain it’s not a crush?

Noah: It’s love

DBM: It’s not jealousy because she’s spending more time with her man than with you?

Noah: It’s love

DBM: Are you attracted to her?

Noah: Yes

DBM: Romantically attracted to her?

Noah: Yes

DBM: You’re sure it’s not because you enjoy the time you spend together and the attention – she often gives to you? People sometimes confuse the two for love

Noah: It’s love

DBM: In the past year, have you made genuine attempts to simply be supportive of her relationship with this ‘bad news’ of a boyfriend?

Noah: I have. Do I make my feelings known to her?

DBM: I am sure you have made great decisions before, no?

Noah: Yes!

DBM: Then I trust you will make the best one yet, for you

Noah: What if she doesn’t want to be with me?

DBM: She’s not happy in her relationship, remember? You told me that

Noah: Yeah, but this is a big ‘what if’. What if she doesn’t know she’s not happy in her relationship, though she loves me too?

DBM: You simply respect her decision and do your best to reassemble your life without her

Noah: Life without her will hurt my feelings

DBM: Her love ought to be offered to you for your taking. Till then, learn how to be kind to your heart

Noah: What if I tell you we had sex?

DBM: Noah

Noah: Yeah

DBM: My banku is on fire. I need to go cook

Noah: Oh!

DBM: Have you told this woman that you are in love with her?

Noah: No! But I know she can read the signs written all over me

DBM: She is with her boyfriend because she chooses to be with him. For clarity’s sake, speak with her and ask directly, how she feels about you

Noah: Okay

DBM: When did you two have sex?

Noah: Two or three weeks after the abortion

DBM: Was this a first or you had done it before?

Noah: It was our first time being intimate. We’ve not spoken about it since

DBM: Has it jeopardized the friendship, or there could be that risk of decreasing its quality, someway, somehow?

Noah: I don’t know. We have not spoken since the act

DBM: How long was this?

Noah: February

DBM: 2023?

Noah: Yes

DBM: Wait, was the sex that bad?

Noah: I thought it was great. She left my place smiling

DBM: Smiling at, or with who?

Noah: She just had a smile on her face

DBM: The awkward or ‘Thank you for such an amazing sex’ smile?

Noah: How would I know?

DBM: What if this awkward silence is her inability to tell you – she did not enjoy the sex? You know it can be mortifying to look in the eyes of the one you care about after some bad sex?

Noah: I don’t think it was that bad

DBM: This is what I know, one of you will wind up feeling hurt.

Image Credit: Joice Rivas

Let’s Talk to Querome

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 94: Querome

DBM: Hello Querome. How would you describe yourself?

Querome: A licensed Massage Therapist providing relaxation and basically treating body pains and all forms of discomfort through physical touch and the movement of clients’ bodies

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Querome: 10/10. You are the counselor?

DBM: I am not a counselor

Querome: But he said you’re a counselor

DBM: I am not a counselor

Querome: Okie dokie

DBM: Did you read my conversation with your client?

Querome: Yes! Too graphic

DBM: But did it happen just as he described it?

Querome: Part of it

DBM: Which part wasn’t accurate in your opinion?

Querome: It happened

DBM: I see. Did you read some of the comments under Gasm’s post on my Facebook?

Querome: Yes

DBM: What’s your take?

Querome: I did not rape him, as many were alleging. As a practitioner, I am passionate about promoting a holistic approach to tissue manipulation while upholding a safe and comfortable environment. I am good at observing all of my clients’ wishes – through what they either tell me, or use their body languages and cues to communicate. And I fulfill their needs accordingly.

DBM: Use me as a guinea pig to walk me through the process at your Spa

Querome: Someone might have recommended you to me. All my clients come through word of mouth. I give you an appointment and you’ve showed up on time. I greet you with a smile, handshake or a hug, depending on what makes you feel comfortable. And I would know this prior to your first visit because I ask potential clients on phone when they call to book their appointments. I serve you with a drink or water and then, show you around the house. When we are done touring, I welcome you officially, and guide you through the services I offer. I leave you to determine which massage would benefit you the most.

DBM: Breakdown the services you offer

Querome: I offer a massage which involves gliding and long strokes, acupressure, rubbing, pounding or tapping and vibration. The pressure with this technique is somewhat light-to-firm. It leaves you feeling revitalized.  It’s called Swedish. I also offer one which is more of intense stretching, percussion, kneading and trigger points. The clients for this massage are usually athletes. It’s called Sports. The third massage demands the use of my feet, elbows, knees, and even knuckles. That is Shiatsu massage. Reflexology is probably the massage you experienced when you mentioned you had neck and back pains in the chat with him. I do that too, pressuring the hands, ears and feet. I offer Thai massage and Aromatherapy with my essential oils. I offer Anal, Oral and Vaginal massage, which involves being completely naked, with low lighting and soft music in the background, and going all out with the client. I offer Chair massage where you sit upright; I offer Pregnancy massage and lastly, Couple’s massage

DBM: Which service did Gasm opt for?

Querome: He took out Pregnancy, Vaginal and Couple’s massage, and asked for all the others on the list. Whenever a client asks for an all-inclusive massage, I make them take a shower in my house to clean up thoroughly before working on them. Also, before anything starts, I take a detailed note of the client’s health history and conditions. I listen to all of my clients, and I adjust each technique per their desires.

DBM: You have a huge clientele then, no?

Querome: Not huge, but I get at least a client a day

DBM: And the pricing?

Querome: Depends on what you want. But it ranges from 650 Ghs to 1,200 Ghs

DBM: Which of the sexes patronize your services the most?

Querome: Women. And 75% of them are married

DBM: How many of your clients have you had sex with?

Querome: Those who specifically request for happy endings, I grant their wishes

DBM: Assuming your female clients’ number up to 10. How many would you have slept with?

Querome: 7/10 would have asked I went over and beyond with their bodies

DBM: Let’s number your married female clientele to say, 10. How many would have asked for more?

Querome: 7 or 8/10 open up for orgasm or sex

DBM: How about pregnant women?

Querome: Numbering from 1 to 10?

DBM: Yes

Querome: 2/10 probably would ask for sex

DBM: How do you massage a pregnant woman?

Querome: Pregnancy changes the center of gravity of a woman, putting so much strain on her neck, back, shoulders and abdominal muscles. I try to make the client feel good by relaxing any of her tense muscles. I know where her sore or swollen spots are to touch to provide relief. I have full-length body pillows and wedges, and a special table pad for my pregnant clients.

DBM: How about the men?

Querome: The male clients are not so many. I have only 11 active at the moment. Their appointments are usually once a week or month. They are also the ones usually drooling, passing gas or getting erections during session hours

DBM: How many have you gone beyond massaging with?

Querome: Just 2

DBM: Gasm amongst the two?

Querome: He is the second guy

DBM: Do you use protection with them?

Querome: Always. I have different flavors of condoms here and I insist, even when some of the clients prefer raw sex.

DBM: How would you explain why some clients ask for sex?

Querome: My clients fantasize about a lot of things that may be impossible to be fulfilled in their bedrooms. Some tell me it’s difficult for them to discuss with their husbands. Here, they’re able to give themselves permission to be wild, and believe you me, they do not hold back. It’s rather unfortunate that they are unable to see themselves achieving it with their spouses. Some got threesomes arranged for them, some wanted to fuck total strangers, some craved for pain with pleasure – so they got spanked, bitten or had hot wax dripped on their naked bodies; some wanted to experience sex with the same gender etc. It gets really intense here.

DBM: What major complaint is often given by the married clients seeking happy endings with you?

Querome: Boredom in their sex lives at home

DBM: Would you consider this a lucrative business?

Querome: It is, if you are in the right location and have the right clients willing to pay for what you can offer. I focus on what I am good at and hire for my weaknesses. I also make sure I am adding real value for each of my clients. That is how I manage to make money. It’s not even about profits or breaking even; it’s the value my clients place on my services. They all agree I meet their needs beyond expectation.

DBM: You work with a staff?

Querome: No! But I have cleaners who come to wash and clean. I make sure I am the only one in the house before a client’s arrival.

DBM: Do you love what you do for work?

Querome: I love my job and do not feel bad about it. I can confidently say that all of my clients leave here satisfied. And I am glad before anything starts, we have an open and frank conversation, plainly stating what the services are, allowing you time to think things through, before giving consent. I also consent to offering the services and sign an agreement, before touching a body. I respect the boundaries of each client and will not crossover till an invitation is openly sent my way.

DBM: Are emotions involved in this?

Querome: Whatever happens here stays here. We don’t extend conversations beyond these walls. If a client misses me or wants to talk, they book an appointment before coming over. We don’t do ‘I love you’ here. It’s strictly business

DBM: This was a healthy chat. Thank you!

Querome: Welcome boss. This was fun. I wasn’t expecting these questions. I thought it was going to be buga-buga 😁

DBM: Nah! I wanted to understand your job. Nothing more

Querome: You’re invited for a treat. It would be on the house

DBM: Appreciated! Will sleep on it.

Querome: Let me know when you decide to take up on the invitation

Image Credit: Yane Wise

Let’s Talk To Malik

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 93: Malik

DBM: Hi Malik. How would you describe yourself?

Malik: Empty. The supply of fuel that could drive my ability to take crazy risks and be confident in myself is no longer in service

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Malik: 2

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Malik: I think my wife has done something to me. I cannot get an erection when I am with another woman. I am only able to keep an erection around my wife.

DBM: How old are you?

Malik: 40

DBM: And, is this an occasional episode or the norm?

Malik: I am unable to get an erection with any other woman except my wife

DBM: Are you an excessive alcohol taker?

Malik: No! I drink occasionally

DBM: Do you do drugs?

Malik: No!

DBM: Are you a smoker?

Malik: I smoke once in a while

DBM: Do you take any sedatives?

Malik: Not really

DBM: Are you on any medications, i.e., antidepressants?

Malik: No!

DBM: Are you on any blood pressure medications?

Malik: My heart is in a good place, no.

DBM: Are you depressed or anxious of anything?

Malik: Yes! I can’t get my dick hard anymore when I am with other women

DBM: Are you under any kind of stress, aside your immediate problem?

Malik: No!

DBM: What is your self-esteem level?

Malik: Very low, because of the problem

DBM: Have you gone to see a doctor?

Malik: No

DBM: Why not?

Malik: Something is telling me it’s my wife behind all this.

DBM: What makes you think your wife could be involved?

Malik: We had a big argument last year, in July. We ignored each other for days when we were sleeping in separate bedrooms. I had a dream in one of those nights about finding money in our trash. My grandma always says, if you dream about accidentally finding money in a pile of trash, wake up from your sleep and check the trashcan. Because you’re in bad luck. It’s a bad omen; you or someone close to you is either going to die or a misfortune would befall you. When I woke up in the morning, I felt a mild but sharp jab in my left hip – like someone had injected a substance into my body. I went to check the garbage can outside the main house, and there was a syringe and smaller-sized needle thrown in it. The syringe had a red substance in it

DBM: Did you confirm the content in the syringe?

Malik: I did not. I just assumed it was blood

DBM: Blood from where?

Malik: I don’t know

DBM: Is your wife a nurse or doctor?

Malik: She’s not

DBM: Where did the syringe and needle come from?

Malik: It should have come from our house because the trashcan is in the main compound of our home. I asked my wife about it and she was acting all surprised

DBM: What if she genuinely, did not know anything about it?

Malik: It couldn’t have come from the kids because they hate hospitals and injection

DBM: So, on what grounds are you suspecting your wife?

Malik: I couldn’t be aroused that afternoon, when I met with one of my girlfriends. She tried every trick in her books to get me hard but it wouldn’t respond. This is a girl I had been having mad sex with for years. I couldn’t even masturbate on my own. The moment my wife returned home from work and I smelled her body scent, I naturally got a hard-on

DBM: That’s strange

Malik: Tell me about it!

DBM: How long have you been married?

Malik: 11 years

DBM: When did you first notice the problem outside your home?

Malik: July 6th 2022

DBM: When did you feel the pain in your hip?

Malik: The morning of July 6th

DBM: I see

Malik: I have three close friends I have fun with. I haven’t been able to fuck any of them ladies since

DBM: Erections are mysterious, and they do have a mind of their own. I think you need to consider seeing a doctor – just to be sure you’re on the safe side.

Malik: My wife has done something to me

DBM: Have you confronted her about your suspicions?

Malik: No!

DBM: What did you argue about last July?

Malik: She came across one of my escapades through WhatsApp and made a mountain out of a molehill. Husbands will cheat, we will get caught. If you can’t understand that a man will ultimately disappoint you, just walk your separate way. What is difficult about this?

DBM: Most women fear to be alone. Reason why some stay in terrible situations

Malik: What is terrible about having a little fun here and there?

DBM: What is your definition of ‘a little fun…’

Malik: David, for me sex is sex to satisfy my urges. I do not have to be in love to enjoy sex. Marriage is marriage. These two can never overlap in my books. It cannot affect my love for my wife. And I have no intention of leaving my wife.

DBM: Good to know! Now that you’re unable to be with other women, use the cuddle and care of your wife to sooth your broken ego.

Malik: What she’s done to me is a crime, and I don’t know how to prove it. After damaging my manhood, she’s refused to be available to me; she’s refused to have sex with me. She doesn’t care and has been sleeping with the children in their rooms. The only person who can give me sex is punishing me by not giving me sex. Why cause me so much pain in the first place and then refuse to take away my pain? I am deeply broken. Women are evil

DBM: Go and see a doctor. That is what you need to do

Malik: Will it change anything?

DBM: It can help you stop impugning your wife for your misery and unhappiness. You are solely responsible for your low self-image. Get yourself fixed.

Malik: If I were a woman, you would have been way empathetic towards my plight

DBM: I genuinely am concerned about you. What I am trying to get you to understand is that, you assumed other women, and not your wife could make you feel good about yourself. And masked your true feelings from the one woman whose opinions should have mattered to you the most. You don’t take a woman for a fool and expect her to open her legs for you that easily

Malik: I am her husband

DBM: Then stop blaming your wife for your failures

Image Credit: Karolina Grabowska

Let’s Talk To Gasm

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 92: Name is Gasm

DBM: Hello Gasm. How would you describe yourself?

Gasm: Currently lost in my personal thoughts

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Gasm: 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Gasm: I had been irritable for some time due to my inability to properly sleep at night. My wife thinks I work too hard that’s why I have been feeling blue, but I don’t. All I wanted was to improve my mental outlook. A colleague from work who had also noticed the changes in me, suggested I tried getting a massage. She told me about a home-run spa service at East Legon, that she frequents. She believed a good massage could help me to relax, and also, ease out the tension in my muscles. I booked an appointment for a Friday evening without any expectations.

DBM: Are you a massage lover?

Gasm: No. Though it was my second time getting a massage

DBM: When was the first time?

Gasm: The day before my wedding

DBM: Okay!

Gasm: Are you a fan of massage?

DBM: Not sure but I have had a few. I suffered from back and neck pain due to sitting for long hours while working. The masseurs helped to ease the pain with the massage, and it actually felt good. Anyways, let’s get back to your story. You booked a Friday evening appointment and …?

Gasm: I turned up at the house; a large home with a big garden and open living room. The windows were large; veranda was big, kitchen was huge. There was a swimming pool and an office with a built-in-library. It had a gym and three or four spare bedrooms. The owner of the property also happened to be the male massage therapist attending to me. He looked like someone in his 40’s. Surprisingly, I wasn’t feeling uncomfortable with that at all.

DBM: Why would you think you could feel uncomfortable?

Gasm: I thought men usually were assigned to ladies and vice versa

DBM: Oh, okay!

Gasm: He was welcoming and very friendly. He talked me through the process and then, settled me in the session room. He handed me a big white towel to change into. I quickly did. The massage table was comfortable, and the surface, very stable. I was lying on my stomach, with my face in the placement when I felt him pouring apricot kernel oil all over my back. His hands rubbed my legs and thighs gently. He spent about 30 minutes on my legs, feet and thighs alone before moving to my back and neck and then, shoulders. Can I be honest?

DBM: If you wouldn’t mind

Gasm: My body started to respond and react

DBM: That is normal, no?

Gasm: I am talking about getting an erection

DBM: At what point did you experience that reaction?

Gasm: When his hands softened and pressured on my thighs. Minutes later, he used his hand to separate my ass cheeks, and fingered, licked and teased my anus with his breath and tongue, blowing warm air into me -while trying to use his tongue to make a circular motion around and over my anus. He used more of his saliva to keep his tongue loose and open to penetrate me. I felt him press his mouth and tongue in my ass aggressively, rimming me till I was lacking breath. I started shooting cum when he dragged his teeth over my anus. He wasn’t biting; there was no pain yet tears began to flow from my eyes and I could not make them stop.

DBM: Why were you in tears?

Gasm: I hadn’t felt this astounding awareness through my entire body before. Sensational if I am to describe it.

DBM: I see. Let’s fast-forward to when you got home

Gasm: No Dave, I haven’t left the Spa yet in my story. He’s yet to turn me over to lie on my back

DBM: What happened when he turned you over?

Gasm: He massaged my chest through to my feet with intense pressure for about 30 minutes, before moving closer to my dick. I was really turned on, I felt so embarrassed, but he wasn’t. He looked me in the eyes while pulling my legs up my stomach, and wrapping his huge arms around my thighs – to suck my dick. He gently kissed the head, fooling with the tip of my prepuce, using his lips and tongue. It was long and slow when he started deepthroating me. I couldn’t stop moaning and tearing up. I was so hard and moving incessantly, I shot a thousand and one cum for the second time while deep inside his mouth. Then, I started to fart. He left the room for about five minutes, and then came back to spray essential oils in the air.

DBM: How long was the massage session?

Gasm: I paid for one hour, thirty minutes but got three hours instead. I thought he was going to stop after the blowjob, but he didn’t.

DBM: Did you have any intention of stopping him?

Gasm: I couldn’t explain exactly what was happening to me. I love women all through and through. I love me some warm pussy with large breasts. A woman’s body has been turning me on for almost four decades of my active sexual life. But after that Friday at the Spa, I have been questioning for a while.

DBM: It is okay sometimes in your lifetime or future, if you feel differently from how you normally feel.

Gasm: But Dave, I am not part of those LGBTQ nonsense

DBM: The ‘Q’ stands for questioning. What is going through your mind right now?

Gasm: I am 100% certain that I am straight

DBM: I am not disputing that fact. However, your desires or orientation as a human being can be fluid. An experience you have today can change who you are attracted to. An experience can influence who else you would want to have sex with tomorrow. This is because only you can describe at any given time, how you truly feel inside and out. Only you know and understand how it feels like to arrive in your full pleasure, and most importantly, to be you.

Gasm: I have been to his house again, after the first visit in February.

DBM: When was the second time?

Gasm: Last month, March 17th

DBM: I see

Gasm: The third was this month, 21st

DBM: Same routine?

Gasm: Yes, but I went overboard to see something

DBM: See what?

Gasm: To test the waters. He unfastened the buckle of my belt after I had dressed up to leave, pulled down my pants, took out my cock, and started performing oral sex on me. I slid my hand in his boxers from behind and fingered him slowly through the back door. When I slid my hand out, he grabbed it and licked the finger I used on him. It was an instant turn on to make me so horny, I bent him over slightly and penetrated him through his ass. I explored every inch of his handsome body for almost an hour. He sat in a chair with his eyes closed, giggling while I dressed up. I couldn’t stop maintaining eye contact with him.

DBM: How much do you pay after a session?

Gasm: The bill I settle for each visit is 850 Ghs

DBM: How did you feel after doing all this?

Gasm: I have never experienced a connection with anyone like that before. I think that’s what is making me feel pleased and satisfied. That, I kissed a man and didn’t puke

DBM: Explain ‘connection?’

Gasm: It was rarely just about sex.

DBM: You’re probably not the only man he is doing this with. You know, right?

Gasm: I know!

DBM: And, hopefully, you did use condom with him?

Gasm: Yes, I did. I want whatever this is, to continue with him

DBM: My concern right now is your wife. Please be conscious of protecting her health. She did not sign up for any of this. If you’re going ahead to meet some of your sexual needs with different people, please protect yourself to protect your dear wife. You owe her that!

Gasm: I will. Do you think she’s going to find out I like this new feeling?

DBM: A person only would know your sexual orientation if you tell them. But as for the cheating bit, if her intuitive antennae is high on alert, she will know you are cheating on her with someone. Imagine her horror, if she’s to find out – it’s actually with your fellow man?

Gasm: Been thinking about that

DBM: Can you ask your masseurs friend whether or not he’d be comfortable speaking with me about his profession?

Gasm: I will ask him.

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Ketut Subiyanto

Let’s Talk To Akorfa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 91: Akorfa De Sweetest

DBM: Hi Akorfa. How would you describe yourself?

Akorfa: I am a woman with drive, energy and determination. I am friendly, intelligent and educated. I am grounded and secure in myself. I can be relied upon. I am a lawyer

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Akorfa: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Akorfa: I am in a really good relationship with my man. He loves me to the extent that, there would be moments in my daily activities that makes me stop, reflect, smile, shake my head and realize how much he means to me. He has a silly way of laughing when I tickle him. The look in his eyes when he kisses me in bed with a smile on his face; my boyfriend is there for me all the time. A whole new world opened for me when I listened to his advice to apply to Law School. When I wasn’t sure I could get in, I received an offer to attend law school. I was not prepared for what that pursuit could throw at me, but he was; he was the first man to make me think of my time in school as a job. And he helped me to put in the hours till I was called to the bar. He hasn’t stopped loving me that way till date. I don’t know if you get the picture?

DBM: Crystal

Akorfa: But he doesn’t believe in marriage

DBM: Do you believe in marriage?

Akorfa: I do

DBM: How long have you been dating?

Akorfa: Six and a half years oooh

DBM: What profession is he into?

Akorfa: He is an Actuary

DBM: How old are you?

Akorfa: 32

DBM: How old is he?

Akorfa: 37

DBM: Do you know why he doesn’t believe in marriage?

Akorfa: He says it’s just a status signed on a piece of paper. His parents divorced when he was 14. His sister recently divorced. He doesn’t see anything special about getting married.

DBM: Tying the knot can become a frightening proposition for people whose parents divorced

Akorfa: I don’t think my guy is scared of marriage. He just doesn’t want to do it

DBM: From his actions and everything else, do you see him to be the type that would be willing to at least, consider marrying you down the road?

Akorfa: No! Even though he’s willing for us to grow together as a couple

DBM: ‘Grow together’ as in, have kids, live together, etc.?

Akorfa: Yes!

DBM: Why is it important for you to do the whole ring thing?

Akorfa: Marriage is a life-long commitment to me. It’s a love-something that I can trust to be there for me, and never leave nor forsake me. It is through marriage that I will be convinced I have a life partner in my beau, a teammate. I want to have a strong family with children through marriage.

DBM: And, you’ve shared these reasons with him, no?

Akorfa: I have, but he still doesn’t see himself getting married.

DBM: What are you going to do?

Akorfa: I can’t force him

DBM: No, you can’t! Attempting to directly or indirectly force him to change his stance on the subject can be a recipe for your relationship’s failure.

Akorfa: I know

DBM: Then you also know that you can genuinely, be in a healthy relationship with someone who adores you for you, even though he may never want to settle down in a marriage?

Akorfa: I know, but marriage is important to me

DBM: And an option for him. Question is, how do you both come to a consensus to respect each other’s opinions and desires?

Akorfa: I don’t know. I don’t want to live with a man and raise our kids outside of marriage

DBM: I am guessing you two are having sex?

Akorfa: We are

DBM: And, he’s that much into you?

Akorfa: He is, very much.

DBM: Think of his decision from this angle, he is in love with, and committed to you. He does almost all the things expected to be done to have a meaningful and strong relationship. You’ve given him everything inside and out of you without the commitment of a marriage. What something new is there to be discovered about you? Why should he need rings and a certificate to prove his love for you?

Akorfa: I understand all that, but marriage is not just about rings and a piece of paper; it’s about our families coming together, asking for my hand and gaining the trust and blessings from my family.

DBM: But you will agree you have made it way easier and also placed him in a comfortable lead, not to be married to you?

Akorfa: Maybe, maybe not

DBM: Are you certain you are the woman for him?

Akorfa: I am, Dave. His heartbeat.

DBM: Is he truly the man for you? Because if he were, he would have known what is important to you

Akorfa: I don’t know anyone else out there like him

DBM: How many out there have you dated?

Akorfa: A few. That’s why I know a good man is hard to find these days. I am not ready to go searching for a man all over again

DBM: How do you feel right now in the relationship?

Akorfa: Happy and stuck with anxiety

DBM: Generally, I would feel stuck in a moment when I suddenly begin to assume I should be something else that I clearly am not. You’re thinking your relationship status ought to be different than what it is, even though he makes you happy. He does not want to be married. Can you breathe a deep sigh of relief while focusing on the now instead?

Akorfa: How about WHAT I WANT?

DBM: You have done what you can with what you have. Go easy on yourself and let things be

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Nicholas

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 90: Nicholas

DBM: Hello Nicholas. How would you describe yourself?

Nicholas: I understand what commitment means, that’s why it’s easy for me to compromise. I am kind, patient, humorous and good with kids

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Nicholas: 10

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Nicholas: I think every man must find himself a job that makes him happy, in order to be pleased with his own life. I am a house-husband, and I am loving how I am able to make my wife, children and the home a priority. We decided I stay home to look after the children while my wife goes out to work. And truth be told, I am crushing it like a pro. I think I was born to take care of my family like this. I like it that I am the one to make sure the house is always clean and smelling good; the children get prepared for school while my wife gets to rest and have enough sleep. The only thing I can’t do is to cook, so she prepares a variety of meals during the weekends to last the household for the week.

DBM: Were you working prior to meeting your wife?

Nicholas: Yes

DBM: How long have you been married?

Nicholas: Six years

DBM: And, when did you make the decision to stay home?

Nicholas: It was actually my wife’s idea. Before we married, we talked about the importance of being present for our marriage, and also, in the lives of our children – if we were to have any. We love kids and we knew they would become a huge part of our lives. We wanted one parent to be 100% responsible for their upbringing till they are 18 years age. We weighed our options and concluded I would be the better parent and the best person to sacrifice my time to raise them right. Also, my wife earns three times my salary, and did not see the need for the both of us to be chasing after money.

DBM: So, you’ve been home since you married?

Nicholas: Yes, as the king of the house. It’s actually fun and humbling. It’s a fulfilling job to say the least. Due to this arrangement, I have found a best friend in my wife. She’s the one person I am comfortable with – talking to. Because I realize I can’t do it on my own. I appreciate the little things right now; we get to eat together as a family and talk. I am attracted to my wife daily, and can’t wait to see her return home from work. This experience seriously is turning my life around, and I am becoming the best husband and father I can be.

DBM: This is something you are passionate about?

Nicholas: Family is very important to me, and would not trade it for nothing.

DBM: What do your circle of friends say/think of you when you tell them about what you do?

Nicholas: Some think it’s disgraceful. I used to justify myself but I don’t care what they say anymore. Also, my church no longer invites me to speak to the youth. When I used to work, I was one of their favorite keynote speakers on Finance. Now that I work as a house-husband, majority of them tend to look down on me. They believe I am unemployed. Some call me lazy.

DBM: Do you see this as a real job?

Nicholas: It is a real job for me, Dave. Imagine coming home to a spotless house? There is absolutely nothing wrong with me chasing my dream career. I’m also doing exactly what I love; It’s work. My wife and I are not bothered by her being the one going out to earn money for the house. We are not bothered by me taking care of the home and family. In fact, I’m very good at this. And most importantly, I don’t think it’s healthy for our family to have two parents/adults getting stressed from work. One should be enough, while a calm, handsome, loving, sexy-hot other quenches their thirst after a long day. It’s the sweetest feeling ever.

DBM: Does this situation also not make it a whole lot easier for your wife to control you financially?

Nicholas: Control me how?

DBM: Do you have your own money?

Nicholas: First and foremost, I married a reasonable woman who also happens to be right for me. She respects me and my place in her life. Secondly, we share a joint account. The money in the account has more than one owner. It belongs to the both of us. Also, I work remotely from home. I make my own money to contribute to the pool.

DBM: Would you be prepared for the unknown? I.e., Death of your wife, divorce, wife involved in an accident or is permanently disabled, etc. and the responsibilities are shifted

Nicholas: I am ever ready to shoulder all responsibilities. Being a house-husband prepares you for anything.

DBM: What do you do for fun?

Nicholas: I work out in my free time at the gym.

DBM: Does this make you more critical about your wife’s appearance?

Nicholas: My wife is perfect, just the way she wants to be

DBM: The free time on your hands at home doesn’t make you want to look for some side action? I mean, most guys get in shape purposely for that.

Nicholas: I work out to stay in shape. Nothing else

DBM: You have the last word

Nicholas: I am uniquely equipped to keep my family safe and as one unit. I am not ready to do anything that could affect my family negatively. I am willing to do anything for my wife and for her heart’s sake. My wife’s desire comes first

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