Let’s Talk To Aimee

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 70: My name is Aimee

DBM: Hello Aimee. How would you describe yourself?

Aimee: I am 38 years old, and a single mother.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Aimee: I am 8-scaled happy

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Aimee: Before I share my issue, I want to know why it’s taken you almost three months before reaching my turn?

DBM: I am very sorry Aimee. There have been a lot of emails and inbox messages expressing interest in the series, and I am trying to engage everyone accordingly. I usually assign days to participants in order to chat with them. Unfortunately, some conversations take more than three days to conclude, due to our different work schedules. I am yet to even assign dates to other interested partakers. Hopefully, it will get to everyone’s turn.

Aimee: I’ve met a man that I really, really like. He hasn’t come out to say it, but he’s expressed interest in us getting married. At the moment, I am enjoying every stage of our relationship and taking heart to all the things he’s expressed. He’s introduced me to his siblings, friends and will be meeting his mother for the first-time next week. I have spoken with his mother on phone a couple of times though.

DBM: That’s nice to know

Aimee: Yeah, but there is a big BUT…

DBM: What’s the problem?

Aimee: I am a single mother of four. All of my four children are with four different men. My first son’s father is in jail. He raped me when I was a teenager, and my parents got him arrested. He is not someone I knew or dated; he is a complete stranger who forced himself on me. My second child’s father was my first boyfriend. We dated for a year and a half, and found out that I was pregnant with our daughter. We planned on getting married but weeks into our traditional marriage, I got to know he was expecting another child with another woman. It broke my heart and couldn’t go through with the engagement. We broke things off amicably. My third child is the son of my first husband. We were married for two years till I couldn’t be his wife anymore. He was verbally abusive. He once told me, he would divorce me, and I would be at the mercy of strange men – who would sleep with me before giving me money to feed myself and the children. He told my first child, he would throw him out on the streets so he begs for a living, and would drive past him and not give him even 20 pesewas to buy water . He isolated me from my family, always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing; he would assume control over my finances because he felt I was stupid to plan for my own life. And he did all these without sitting me down to discuss issues. He never admitted his faults. I moved out of his house and divorced him without thinking twice. My second husband was the father of my fourth child. He was the love of my life, but unfortunately, died in a car accident. So far, my life has been a roller coaster ride, and I want to keep a steady wall of separation between my life as a mother, and my current dating life.

DBM: That was a lot to read

Aimee: I am sorry

DBM: Tell me a little about this new man in your life

Aimee: He is divorced, and has two adorable children of his own. They love me and all

DBM: Okay… So, where is the problem in this?

Aimee: He’s assumed all the four kids belong to my late husband

DBM: As in, you’ve made him believe such is the case or…

Aimee: I haven’t told him anything about the different fathers of my kids

DBM: Why not?

Aimee: I fear he’s going to judge me unfairly

DBM: But he loves you, no?

Aimee: He hasn’t said anything about love yet

DBM: How long have you two been together?

Aimee: Eight months, 14 days today

DBM: A man who wants you to know his family and friends’ desires to extend his connection with you. His family and friends know him best, and so you meeting and knowing them is his indirect message to you to know him even better through other trusted sources.

Aimee: Hmmm! I don’t know

DBM: You have to know. You mentioned him considering a future together with you, no?

Aimee: Yes

DBM: His heart is in this. He trusts in your love and his for each other

Aimee: I don’t think his mother will accept me if she knows about my history

DBM: Your history is, you’re a mother of four beautiful children. That is where the fun is

Aimee: My children make me feel loved and happy. I am free to express myself as a woman, and my they do not judge me. They show me a lot of respect and affection. They give me so much attention, which goes a long way to help me forget all of my worries.

DBM: I was talking to one of my good friends about your issue. Her name is Nandy. Her Facebook name is Nana Ama Tanaah. She’s willing to talk you through the process if you are open to talking to her. She asked me to tell you to tell your boyfriend about your children’s fathers.

Aimee: And what if he misinterprets the whole situation?

DBM: Let me copy and paste what Nandy is saying to me right now, “I understand, but if he judges you unfavorably, then you’re actually saving yourself from a future headache. It’s better to trust in the intent”.

Aimee: She’s right

DBM: What made you marry your first two husbands?

Aimee: Do you want the honest version or the lie I keep telling myself and others?

DBM: The truth

Aimee: I do not think I married both men for love from the start, though I fell in love with them along the way. Fear is what I believe drove me from one marriage to the other.

DBM: Fear of what?

Aimee: You know, not being able to provide for my babies on my own. Also, I assumed I needed a male figure in the lives of my children, and for us all to be under one roof, for it to be a proper family.

DBM: Do you work?

Aimee: I am actually a Chartered Accountant. I also hold an MSc. in Accounting and Finance. I make good money

DBM: I am pleasantly surprised by your capabilities

Aimee: I am a hard worker

DBM: Oh, trust, I know! And you should not be with any man who does not want to be with you. Do not be afraid to be alone if he chooses not to accept you for you. In fact, being alone is another stepping stone to finding a better partner who wouldn’t mind encouraging you to keep up the fight.

Aimee: You’re kind with your words.

DBM: You seem like a strong, compassionate and caring woman; the type to bring to the table, wisdom and empathy. It takes a real man to see your worth.

Aimee: I should tell him then?

DBM: You should, it’s part of your story to tell. If certain aspects of your past just happen to affect how he feels about you, and could potentially change the dynamics of your relationship, learn to respect his concerns and decision.

Aimee: Okay! I have a meeting to attend in the next 15 minutes. It was nice talking to you, David.

DBM: Likewise. Remember that, a man who loves you truly – would never want to change anything about you.

Image Credit: Barbara Olsen

Let’s Talk To River

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 69: Hey David. I’d want to go by River

DBM: Hi River. How would you describe yourself?

River: I am confused at this moment

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

River: 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

River: I fucked up big time. I am not blaming anyone else but myself; no excuses… I just made a mistake.

DBM: What did you do?

River: I mistakenly called my fiancée by the first name of another woman I am having a no-strings attached fling relationship with, while on one knee proposing to her.

DBM: Was she the only witness to this?

River: No! Two of her close friends, two of mine and her siblings were there. They were the team that helped me plan the surprise marriage proposal event.

DBM: What was going through your mind for you to mess up a ‘will you marry me’ once in a lifetime moment?

River: I was in the moment and excited as everyone else. I don’t know how the mishap happened for me to address her by the name of another woman.

DBM: What was your woman’s reaction?

River: She pulled her left hand out of my hand and asked for my phone

DBM: Your phone?

River: She made me unlock it to read my conversations on WhatsApp with the name I mentioned

DBM: What did she find?

River: A lot

DBM: Good or bad ‘lot’?

River: Everything.

DBM: What was the worst thing she found in your chats with her?

River: We had fucked that afternoon and talked about how hot it was

DBM: As in, you and the other woman?

River: Yes

DBM: The afternoon of the same day you proposed to your fiancée?

River: Yes. The proposal happened in the evening

DBM: How long have you been dating your woman?

River: Three years

DBM: How long have you been seeing the other lady?

River: About six years

DBM: I see

River: I really do no think all the sex I have should constitute an emotional attachment for it to mean something to me.

DBM: What’s your interpretation of sex?

River: Dave, I can just shake your hand right now as a friend, or colleague and it would simply be a handshake. I can choose to also touch your hand in a certain way for it to be rousing and emotionally heartwarming. Sex is just like that for me, depending on the person I am doing it with.

DBM: Why did you choose to date your fiancée, knowing very well there is an existing relationship in your life?

River: The existing relationship is purely for sexual gratification. We explore different sexual tastes the typical Ghanaian wife wouldn’t be open to. It’s safe and fun. My fiancée, on the other hand is a woman I trust absolutely and completely. I knew I wanted to marry her the first day I set my eyes on her. She’s someone I can laugh with; she has no history of cheating and wouldn’t crave the attention of other men; she’s a good Christian too.

DBM: You have a history of cheating, yet you want a woman who wouldn’t cheat on you?

River: That’s why I am saying I know I do not make the best of decisions when it comes to sex. I need a woman I can trust in her choices if I were to disappoint at any point in time in our marriage.

DBM: So, you could have told her from the onset about your escapades with this other woman, so she would be in the known to make an informed decision about you.

River: I erred; I accept my mistake.

DBM: You did not err; It was an intentional, selfish and inconsiderate act. And just like the many others, you are deceptive, manipulative and would say any and everything you feel in order to get what you want from a woman.

River: I am not sure how to respond to you. You don’t know me like that

DBM: Do you even love your fiancée?

River: I am in love with my woman. Honest truth to God.

DBM: I know many guys who genuinely think there is an emotional connection between them and the women they cheat on, based on the things they think they’re feeling when they’re around them. Are you sure you are not just curious about knowing what the experience of being with your fiancée would be or feel like?

River: I don’t understand your question

DBM: Your curiosity in being with a decent woman like her physically has been satisfied, no?

River: My fiancée and I have sex, yes. She’s physically attractive

DBM: I understand that you are attracted to her body, but do you have a genuine connection with her soul?

River: Yes, I do.

DBM: And, how does that feel like?

River: That’s why I wanted to take our relationship to the next level

DBM: Did she accept your proposal?

River: She said she needed time to process everything

DBM: When was this?

River: It happened in January, 2023

DBM: Would you marry a woman like your character?

River: I don’t know

DBM: You know, because it sounds like you have the best of both worlds

River: We all fuck up every now and then

DBM: I know, but then if you’ve cheated before, especially more than once, you know you will do it again, no? It may not be tomorrow, or in six months from now, but it’s bound to happen

River: My relationship with my woman is really great. I love our love and chemistry, but I think about being physical with other women as well. I want to have a lot of sex, just not with only my fiancée. There is a freaky part of me that is so profoundly personal, I can only reveal it to a stranger, a woman who is not my wife.

DBM: So, tell her this truth

River: I’ll lose her

DBM: Then you lose her. You owe it to her to decide what she wants for her life. It is the least you can do

Image Credit: Rodnae Productions

Let’s Talk To Gabe

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 68: Gabe

DBM: Hello Gabe. How would you describe yourself?

Gabe: A single parent

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Gabe: 7-ish

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Gabe: I have two friends that are really good to me. One is my Senior Secondary School sweetheart. She was my first love. I have realized that my feelings for her never went away. The second lady was the best friend of my late wife. My wife died 14 months after we married. She left behind our son, whom I have raised all by myself since 2016. My son adores my late wife’s best friend the most, because he bonds with her daughter. They were born the same day, and at the same hospital. They attend the same school and often spend the weekends and holidays in her house or mine. My SSS sweetheart divorced her husband after she realized I was single, and that, we still had feelings for one another. Both ladies are my soul mates; they bring something different in me – which I like very much when I am with each of them. I love the man I become when I am with them. I want to consider marriage and I am confused as to which of the ladies to choose. My son’s favorite is his best friend’s mother. He already addresses her as ‘mummy’. She’s also a single parent. My favorite lady, however, is my SSS sweetheart.

DBM: Okay?

Gabe: I don’t know what to do

DBM: Are you having sex with both ladies?

Gabe: I am. They’re good in bed

DBM: Do they know they are two of them in your life?

Gabe: No, but they have an idea of my friendship with the two of them

DBM: Are you in an exclusive relationship with them?

Gabe: No. I am not dating them officially. It’s the friends-with-benefit kind of situation

DBM: They both understand that is all there is to it?

Gabe: I think so

DBM: But they would want to be in a serious commitment with you?

Gabe: Yes.

DBM: Why is your high school sweetheart your favorite?

Gabe: She gave me an assurance

DBM: Which was?

Gabe: Leaving her marriage to come and be with me, which she did.

DBM: What do you really like about the other lady?

Gabe: She reminds me of my wife.

DBM: And, is that a good or bad thing?

Gabe: It’s good news

DBM: What kind of woman are you looking for in a wife?

Gabe: The two represent everything beautiful I am seeking in a wife

DBM: But you need to make a choice, no?

Gabe: I am in love with both ladies. I know they love me too, Dave. I was thinking I would marry one and secretly continue with the other.

DBM: How about coming clean about your feelings to the both of them?

Gabe: I can’t

DBM: Why not?

Gabe: Because I lied to them once when they asked at different times whether I was messing around with the other

DBM: Why did you lie about it?

Gabe: I didn’t want to hurt their feelings

DBM: The respect a man places on a woman, and the valor and maturity he presents in telling her the truth, looking beyond his present circumstances, looking beyond his desires and wants and needs, is the absolute measure of his true character as a person.

Gabe: I am a good man in love with two women.

DBM: Are you under any pressure to marry soon?

Gabe: No, but I would wish to be married by the end of the year

DBM: Give yourself time to choose. Let them know you are dating other women too

Gabe: It wouldn’t be fair to one. She left her marriage for me

DBM: Did you ask her to?

Gabe: No, but I didn’t stop her either when she told me about her decision.

DBM: Both ladies are mature. If you’re to ask any one of them to make a life decision about choosing you as their husband, at least, you owe it to them to choose in full knowledge of all the facts, no?

Gabe: I don’t want to hurt one’s feelings

DBM: Relationships are always risky. It might or not work out somehow, and we’re supposed to take responsibility for our actions when it comes to love.

Gabe: My son will be very happy if I marry the woman he adores. Do I consider his happiness in all this?

DBM: How important is your son to you?

Gabe: He’s my everything

DBM: Even more than the women you’re chasing?

Gabe: He is the love of my life

DBM: Good, because the relationship he has with you is what is setting the template for how he is to relate to every other person in his life and yours.

Gabe: I know

DBM: So, put yourself in his shoes. Which of the women would you have preferred?

Gabe: But do you understand the dilemma I find myself in?

DBM: I do. I am just trying to also put myself in the shoes of the women. If I were to be dating you, I would already know at the back of my head that, anything at all could happen for us not to be together. I would know you are capable of not choosing me; you’re capable of hurting my feelings. But then, I would prefer you rather end things with me in all honesty than a lie. These are your friends, meaning, you genuinely care about them. Why not allow them the dignity of knowing the actual truth about your decision?

Image Credit: August-de-Richelieu

Let’s Talk To Krys

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 8 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 67: Krys

DBM: Hi Krys. How would you describe yourself?

Krys: I am a lucky girl in my mid 30’s. I am curious, enthusiastic, a risk taker, very compassionate, open-minded; I care about this world and I believe I can help in making it a better place because I have the courage to try.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Krys: Can I say 11?

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Krys: Someone I care about just asked me to marry him

DBM: Has he got a name?

Krys: I prefer keeping him anonymous

DBM: Okay! How did you meet?

Krys: I was supposed to pick a colleague I work with to work. I had been going round and round to find the direction given me, because I did not know his area very well. I’m also slightly stubborn. I don’t like asking strangers for direction when I am lost. I saw an elderly mom standing by a locked gate. She looked like everything that could go wrong had gone wrong on her. I stopped by her gate to ask for direction, but realized she didn’t even stay in the neighborhood. She had come from Kyebi that early morning to surprise her son – who was celebrating his birthday that day. He didn’t know his mother was coming over, so he had locked up. The woman complained about missing the first bus coming to Accra due to a mechanical problem. Her handbag also got stolen at Kaneshie. She explained her situation and begged me to call her son, because her phone was in the stolen handbag. I handed her my phone to make the call. We got to know that her son had already reached his job station. He couldn’t come back home because he had to prepare for a meeting. I asked for direction to his workplace, and also asked about the route to take from his house to my colleague’s compound. The old lady joined my ride to pick my friend and drop him at work, and then sent her to her son’s office for his house keys.

DBM: That was very kind of you

Krys: Dave, I am always looking for ways to spread kindness. I don’t mind smiling at everyone. I don’t mind cracking dry jokes just to hear people laugh. I seriously do not mind to act foolishly if it’s going to bring a smile to someone’s face. That’s who I am

DBM: What happened next?

Krys: He suggested his mother stayed at his workplace till close of work, so they could go home together, but she wanted to go to the house and rest. She asked if I wouldn’t mind taking her back to the son’s residence. Really, I didn’t mind. I had started to like her already because we had been bonding in my car. By the way, her son is very handsome. In fact, in the process of convincing him that I didn’t have any problem with driving his mother back to his place, our eyes locked after smiling at each other. It was more subtle than just staring at each other.

DBM: How long did the eye contact flirting last?

Krys: Probably 15 seconds or more

DBM: You liked what you were seeing?

Krys: Very much. It felt like he was expressing his love and admiration for me

DBM: Weren’t you late for work?

Krys: I was but I had to see this through. I couldn’t stop myself from holding his gaze when he was talking to me

DBM: Fast forward to when you brough his mother home

Krys: She hugged me really tight, like she wasn’t going to let go.

DBM: Awww!

Krys: I read her son’s first text message while driving back to work. He was at his meeting but couldn’t concentrate.

DBM: Why is that?

Krys: I was on his mind

DBM: Were you thinking about him too?

Krys: Yes. And I was replaying that morning’s incident all over again. To say, everything happens for a reason knocked the wind out of me would be an understatement. My heart and mind smiled lighter and harder as I was unable to understand what was happening. That afternoon, we agreed to have lunch at a restaurant – where we sat next to each other and continued talking and smiling. Dave, I liked him immediately but we had to go to work after the hour.

DBM: Was he single?

Krys: He was. That was the first question I asked when we met for lunch

DBM: Good!

Krys: After work, he suggested we met for dinner at a different restaurant

DBM: Was this a date or something?

Krys: That’s the confusing part of it all: I wasn’t exactly sure about what we were doing. It was too soon to call it a date, even though he offered to pay for the meal. We talked and enjoyed each other’s company late into the night. It was his birthday. I was smitten.

DBM: Good for you.

Krys: Yes

DBM: Did you hear from his mother again?

Krys: I joined them for dinner that weekend at home. She was very happy seeing the two of us happy. She assured her of her approval of me if he were to consider dating me. She was rooting for us to be in a relationship. She encouraged her son to ask me out if he liked me, and put his heart out there and tell me how he feels about me. She asked me how I felt about her son

DBM: At dinner?

Krys: At dinner.

DBM: That was ballsy of her

Krys: We’ve been in a relationship for four years now

DBM: What do you like about him?

Krys: He’s a great guy. Even when he is driving me crazy, and I am driving him nuts, there is still so much for me to be thankful for. He loves to do things with me. He is passionate about his relationship with me. He is a great listener, and very compassionate. He is the most positive person I have ever come across. Edwin embodies all the characteristics of love in first Corinthians, even when I annoy him.

DBM: His name is Edwin

Krys: Yes, how did you know?

DBM: You called him out.

Krys: Edwin is patient; Ed is kind. Edwin does not envy; he does not boast, he is not proud. Edwin does not dishonor others; he is not self-seeking, my darling is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. Ed does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. His love is yet to fail me.

DBM: That’s a good man right here

Krys: David, I don’t know what I did to deserve a man like him. He is too good to be true

DBM: So is GOD

Krys: I believe in God

DBM: Then believe He’s thought ahead of time to gift you with Edwin, a man after your own heart – who will do things to make your life easier.

Image Credit: Godisable Jacob

Let’s Talk To Damian and Lololi

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 66: I am Damian. My wife’s name is Lololi. We want to participate individually in one segment

DBM: Hello Damian and Lololi. How would you describe yourselves?

Damian: I am tall, dark and handsome. I work for what I have, that’s why my accomplishments taste even sweeter. My wife can attest to this: I confidently hold the floor with exceptional footwork to dance my heart out. I am 59 years, slightly stubborn, but a great dad and husband. My best attribute is randomly having to woo my wife

Lololi: Dam is right about one thing; he’s got crazy dance moves. I am 56 years young, thriving professionally and my own woman. I do not have it all, but I have a bit of everything a woman dreams of. Always been independent; I am a picky eater, I can take silly jokes, and have the basic understanding of time. I can hold a conversation about almost anything with anyone, and I take very good care of my body.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Damian: I am 8

Lololi: 7 for me

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Damian: Our 25-year wedding anniversary is this July. I want to talk about my wife and how far we have come

Lololi: I have fallen in and out of love with my husband for the past 25 years. I want to share how I have been able to keep my part of the marriage going when I was out of love

DBM: How did you meet?

Damian: My wife is my ex-girlfriend’s best friend. My cousin had come to Ghana for a short visit, and had asked my then ex, if she knew of any single friends to go on a date with him. It was my third date with her friend. She talked me into agreeing to a double date with my wife and his cousin. That was how we met and decided to make the swap

Lololi: One of my best friends was trying to facilitate a hookup between me and Dam’s favorite cousin. We went on a double date and it was my first time meeting my husband. My friend had told me about Damian, because their relationship was just two weeks old. She had told me she liked him but wasn’t sure he was her type. I remember she once told me; her date was the type I liked. There was a live band playing and Dam asked me to dance with him to my surprise. I agreed to the dance not expecting to like him. My friend was okay with the idea. His cousin, who was supposed to be my date for the evening, danced with my friend, and I actually saw them exchanging numbers. We were on opposite sides, and Dam asked if I was going to have to see his cousin again. His cousin walked to us and told Dam, he felt he had a lot in common with his date. He asked for his permission to date his woman, and he agreed, because he actually felt there was an ongoing chemistry between us.

DBM: Damian, how far had you gone sexually with your ex-date prior to the double date?

Damian: We hadn’t gotten to that stage yet. Our relationship was still fresh

DBM: Where is your cousin and the lady now?

Damian: They’re in Canada, married with children

DBM: At what point did you both know you were meant to be?

Damian: Marriage had always been a huge commitment to undertake. I love to have a lot of fun, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to spend the rest of my life with just one woman. My wife gave me the freedom to express my fears and concerns, without the feeling of judgement. Our friendship was such that, she did not place a demand to make me afraid of losing her. She realized I liked girls a lot, so she gave me the liberty to date other women before settling on one. Unfortunately for me, anytime I was out with another woman, and need to say I went out with a lot, I was always thinking about Lololi. That was when I knew I would rather hang out with her than anyone else. Because I was calling her every evening and sharing every little detail about my day with her.

Lololi: I fell in love with Dam because he is kind and compassionate, very funny and would put me first. I knew he was the man for me because he was taking up a major real space in my mind. I craved for his presence, and did not want happiness for just myself, but for him too. I could confidently trust in my decision to want to be with him, and how he made me feel.

DBM: What were some of your talking points before tying the knot?

Damian: For me, money is everything when it comes to a relationship. Before we married, we had a heart to heart talk on how to prioritize our spending habits. We discussed the sharing of expenses. The second important conversation was about sex. I have entered a relationship in the past because of sex; I have left a relationship because of lack of sex. My overall quality of life looks balanced because I have a lot of good sex.

Lololi: I brought up the topic of children. Luckily for us, we both wanted to have kids. We talked about the possibility of struggling to get pregnant, and agreed on what to do as a team if that happened to us. I am not sexually closed minded, and so we’ve enjoyed a healthy sex life. I told him about my dealbreakers and explained why I wasn’t bothered about him dating different women before deciding to marry me. In marriage, I demand for faithfulness; no secret affairs or relationships. I also requested for a collaboration in exploring different ways to be intimate with me.

DBM: What was the most special part of your wedding celebration?

Damian: When we hit the dancefloor at the reception. All that dancing and laughter was a lot of fun

Lololi: The exchange of vows was my special takeaway. He looked into my eyes with every promise he made

DBM: What has been the most challenging time over the years in your marriage?

Damian: The first nine years were tough on us because we couldn’t have children. I began to question everything and forgot about the agreement I made with my wife. Those were lonely times

Lololi: I found out my husband was having an affair. I rented an apartment close to my workplace, and left him alone in the house for a year. Three months out, I was pregnant with his child. The pregnancy saved my sanity, because I didn’t want to be angry anymore. I had our first son while separated. My son gave me focus, and made me laugh and smile again. Dam swore on the life of our little boy, never to cheat on me again. The promise of fidelity is an important part of my marriage, and true happiness occurs when you are with the right person who respects your value enough to not want to take the risk of hurting or losing you by doing something utterly stupid.

DBM: What are you proudest of as a couple?

Damian: I am proud of my ability to choose monogamy as my lifestyle. It has helped me to form an honest commitment to just my wife. I have found fulfilment in my wife, marriage and family

Lololi: I had to learn how to forgive Dam, at a point where I couldn’t. I prayed to God for a heart like His, so I could do the right thing for my family. Forgiveness has been my proudest moment.

DBM: What does marriage mean to you?

Damian: Giving our relationship the best chance to thrive and succeed.

Lololi: Marriage has inspired me to love myself the most. It’s been my guide to set stronger boundaries to protect my sanity and what serves me. I am not defined by the fact that we are a ‘we’ in this union. I own my voice, actions and opinions, and have been true to myself for the past 25 years.

DBM: You have the last word

Damian: It’s easy to take your spouse for granted if you’re with them all the time. My marriage is better now because I have come to accept that, not everyday will be perfect; not every day will even feel great, and that has to be okay with me.

Lololi: A woman should not give up control over her decisions, just to get married or date a man. Being in love is not the main event of your entire life, so do not see the world through the eyes of the man you love by buying every excuse given you hook, line and sinker. Connect with your inner voice, connect with your passion and dreams, connect with your energy and strength; connect with all of your feelings, especially with anger. Do not leave your sense of self behind so you can make others happy.

Image Credit: Korede Adenola

Let’s Talk To Marc

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 5 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 65: Call me Marc

DBM: Hello Marc. How would you describe yourself?

Marc: A family man; husband to my wife, father to my children.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Marc: 4

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Marc: My wife has not returned to the house since Thursday of January 12th this year. Suddenly, I am my kids only parent.

DBM: How many children do you have?

Marc: I have two wonderful kids

DBM: Do you know where your wife is?

Marc: No, but she speaks to me and the kids on phone sometimes

DBM: Do you know when she would be returning home?

Marc: She says she needs some time alone

DBM: How are the kids managing in her absence?

Marc: My son says she was at their school the Thursday afternoon, to inform them about her decision to go away. She bought phones for them and have been calling and sending them money.

DBM: How old are your children?

Marc: 11 and 9

DBM: What are your in-laws telling you?

Marc: Nothing. They do not know where she is

DBM: Does your wife have a job?

Marc: She resigned before the 12th of January

DBM: Did you know?

Marc: I found out from her employers on the 13th of January, when I went to her workplace.

DBM: Do you know why she’s taken off?

Marc: Apparently, she told my children before leaving that she had been trying to convince herself that she was happy being with me when she was not.

DBM: She speaks with you sometimes, no?

Marc: Yes

DBM: What has she told you?

Marc: She’s leaving the marriage

DBM: Is this a conversation you’ve both had, prior to January 12?

Marc: Yes, and I made it clear I wasn’t in agreement. I love my wife, and will be willing to do anything to save our marriage

DBM: In your opinion, is your marriage working?

Marc: My marriage is just like any other relationship; there is nothing perfect about it. I am equally paying the tough price in order to create and maintain a happy home for us.

DBM: Do you think you could be struggling with accepting that, maybe, something isn’t working in your marriage – and that could be the reason why your wife had to walk away?

Marc: Massa, no relationship is easy. Even the best of marriages have issues in there that they deal with daily. We have our issues to work out, and I have been here, willing to talk it out. I have made a lot of sacrifices and changes – just to accommodate my wife

DBM: Why is your wife unhappy?

Marc: That’s the question she’s refusing to answer. She once told me she feels alone and trapped, and that, it wasn’t about me.

DBM: Do you think she found herself in a relationship that was a wrong fit?

Marc: Dave, marriage is like having a second good job. Most great jobs may pay well but that doesn’t mean they’re comfortable and easy. Whenever I get home, I know I am entering into my second, full-time job. I take off work and put on family. I roll up my sleeves and start working on what needs to be done

DBM: Like?

Marc: Giving my wife a hug or kiss, asking about her day, checking on the children and asking about their day; eating if there is food etc. My wife is my best friend, and truly one of the best human beings alive

DBM: Are you her best friend?

Marc: I’d want to believe so. She treats me right, even though I realized she was drifting apart as at last year.

DBM: What do you think your wife feels is missing in your marriage?

Marc: I don’t think I know

DBM: Do you know what she is searching for that she couldn’t possibly find in you?

Marc: Maybe, a new man. That could be my only answer. I am a good man Dave

DBM: I don’t doubt that. Question is, why couldn’t your good self be enough for her?

Marc: Can I ask you a question?

DBM: Ask away

Marc: Do you believe in marriage?

DBM: I do

Marc: How would you know your person is enough for you?

DBM: When I am not putting more of my effort into making the relationship work than I am enjoying being with my partner (who would/should qualify as the love of my life)

Marc: David, how do you know someone is the love of your life?

DBM: I just would know.

Marc: How?

DBM: I am supposed to be asking you the questions

Marc: Bruv, we’re having a chat to help me understand things from a different perspective

DBM: When I do not have to wonder where my relationship with you is heading; when I do not have to question whether or not you care about me, because I would already know how much you love me. This is due to the fact that you step up every day in your actions to make it clear to me that, you want me in your life, just as I am

Marc: Hmmm!

DBM: What is your intuition telling you?

Marc: My wife is not in love with me, and I am the one forcing her to stay with me

DBM: Do you see your wife happy with you?

Marc: I can make her happy

DBM: I believe you can, but is she in awe of you as her man?

Marc: I don’t think so

DBM: Do you believe she knows you’re a good man?

Marc: She does

DBM: Good is just not good enough for some people. I see marriage to be for one’s pleasure

Marc: My wife is my greatest pleasure

DBM: Are you her greatest pleasure? These are some of the questions you need to ask. She may be making you happy but you clearly aren’t her definition of happiness

Marc: We’ve done almost 13 years of marriage

DBM: Letting go can sometimes feel impossible, especially when you do not have much about someone or something to complain about. But it’s the right thing to do to let go, if your wife feels lonely and caged with you in her life.

Image Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko

Let’s Talk To Mr

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 64: Call me Mr.

DBM: Hi Mr. How would you describe yourself?

Mr: A concerned father

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Mr: 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Mr: I have a 13-year-old son who acts very girly. When he was younger, my wife caught him a few times dressing like a girl. He would wear his sister’s shoes, paint his nails, wear his mother wigs etc. When he is arguing with his siblings, he claps his hands like an angry woman and can be very dramatic. He rolls his eyes like a girl, pout his lips like a girl, walk like a model, play with his sister’s barbie dolls, the list goes on. My mother visited us one day and saw him cross-dressing. She told my wife to keep an eye on him. My son reminds me so much of my cousin

DBM: What’s wrong with your cousin?

Mr: I don’t want to talk about him

DBM: Does your son still act that way in his teens?

Mr: Not so much to my knowledge. But he still acts girly, paints his lips and nails sometimes. He likes wearing tight clothes to show his curves. I think he’s having a hard time in school. He hasn’t said anything to this effect, but I feel like people make fun of him

DBM: What’s his favorite hobby?

Mr: Applying make-up on his sister, female friends, dolls and dressing them up. Someone told me it’s a phase he is going through

DBM: Do you wish for it to be a phase?

Mr: Yes. It’s very embarrassing when we’re in public. Everybody notices the elephant in our midst.

DBM: What does your wife think of him?

Mr: We’re both afraid of the probability of him ending up like my cousin who is rumored to be a homosexual.

DBM: How many kids do you have?

Mr: A boy and a girl, two.

DBM: Have you asked him why he is always behaving like a girl?

Mr: Yes. He says he doesn’t know how to act boyish like his male friends. The least thing, and he’s crying. He thinks everybody is against him.

DBM: Does it look like everybody is against him?

Mr: We do that on purpose sometimes at home. We have tried to expose him to boyish ideas but he doesn’t seem to change.

DBM: Explain the ‘trying to expose him to boyish ideas …’

Mr: We forced him to act like a boy

DBM: And, was he interested in your ideas?

Mr: No. He felt attacked and would cry

DBM: He was uncomfortable

Mr: We’re also uncomfortable with his way of life. What else can a parent do in such a situation?

DBM: Stop forcing him into the boy role

Mr: We are a Christian household living by this scripture, ‘train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.’ (Prov. 22:6.) I want him to be the boy who will grow into a man, to love a woman

DBM: Did your parents have a hand in your decision to love your wife?

Mr: No

DBM: Why do you want to involve yourself in your son’s future love life?

Mr: He needs to know what is right and wrong

DBM: What is right?

Mr: A boy has to act like a boy

DBM: How do boys act?

Mr: They act straight, and like girls

DBM: You want my candid opinion?

Mr: Yes

DBM: Teach your son how to be a great human being, and just be patient with him.

Mr: I want to teach him how to be a great BOY

DBM: And, what if your boy is created to be more in touch with his feminine side?

Mr: What if I don’t want that?

DBM: What if that is what makes him his own person, and would need his father and mother help him to be comfortable with who he is?

Mr: Who he is gravitating towards to is in Genesis 19:1-38

DBM: What is in Genesis 19?

Mr: Sodom and Gomorrah

DBM: Those are names of cities

Mr: Dave, you know the story I am talking about.

DBM: You, just like the others in church practice selective outrage. You pick scriptures from the Bible that you can run to – to justify your positions against same gender attraction and love. Sodom and Gomorrah is not a story about homosexuality. It’s a lesson on violence, rape (a mob of men wanting to assault innocent Angels/men). Your son growing up to fall in love with another guy (should that be his path) has nothing whatsoever to do with a crowd of guys trying to rape somebody in Genesis 19.

Mr: You’re misinterpreting the verse

DBM: I am just telling you my understanding of the scripture you quoted. In Genesis 19:6-8, Lot goes out to meet the angry mob at his entrance and begs them to rather rape his two virgin daughters. It’s a shame that some of you so-called Christians would rather identify homosexuality in that scripture, but not address the sexual violence against women and men.

Mr: God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah. That is what I don’t want to happen to my son

DBM: Those cities were destroyed by GOD because of their pride, idolatry, wickedness, corruption, lack of empathy and care for the poor and needy. Read Ezekiel 16:49-50

Mr: Let’s end this argument; it’s not heading anywhere for me

DBM: I do not know the Will of GOD for your son, but please do not stress yourself too much about him being gay. At 13 years, he is still too young to determine his sexual orientation.

Mr: What if he ends up becoming what I fear the most?

DBM: Then you face your fears like a man. Fear usually sprawls from not knowing very much about that very thing we fear. Get close to your son to know him more; talk to/with your son to understand how he thinks and feels; make him feel like you accept and love him for whomever he is. GOD blessed you with this child as an opportunity to teach him about unconditional love and acceptance.

Image Credits: Monstera

Let’s Talk To Amakai

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 63: I’m Amakai

DBM: Hello Amakai. How would you describe yourself?

Amakai: A mother, wife, hard worker, kind, and very easygoing

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Amakai: I’ll say 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Amakai: My husband cums about four times inside me before pulling out during sex. He thinks I don’t know when he ejaculates, because he tries so hard not to make any noise to give up his emotions. He continues after a few seconds of rest, whiles in me till he’s cum the second, third or forth time, before pulling out. I read a message he sent to one of his secret side chicks that he can last over 15 minutes in bed. 15 minutes of precums isn’t a lasting to boast about.

DBM: Well, pulling out around such pleasurable, intense feelings isn’t feasible.

Amakai: It’s not fun either for me

DBM: What has your husband’s confidence, self-worth, connection and validation got to do with your assessment of him?

Amakai: He’s not good in bed

DBM: Have you told him that?

Amakai: No, because it’s not worth it. He’s always thinking with his dick.

DBM: Most guys do

Amakai: Can’t a man cum just once, take in the moment, rest for a while, before thinking of the next round?

DBM: Would you willingly give in to a second round after he’s taken that long break – you’re proposing?

Amakai: I might. But even if I don’t, I’m still his wife and he can always get another intimate moment with me the next day.

DBM: How many times do you two have sex in a week?

Amakai: At most, twice or thrice. It depends on our schedule for the week. We have children and our respective professional careers to attend to.

DBM: Most guys want sex all the time. Do you know that?

Amakai: Most women do not want sex all the time. Do you know that? Because I am in this category

DBM: Does your husband know you do not like too much of sex?

Amakai: Yes. It was one of the first conversations we had while dating.

DBM: And he said he was okay with that?

Amakai: He didn’t have a problem with it

DBM: Did you understand his need for sex when you guys were dating?

Amakai: Yes, and he wasn’t this aggressive to take it all at a go. Now, it’s like he has to have all the sex with me when the opportunity presents itself, because he feels he doesn’t know when I would give in to his demands. That’s the unspoken signal sent me

DBM: If you’re having sex twice in a week, and your husband is the type that loves to have a lot of sex, what do you think is going on in his mind?

Amakai: How would I know? Should everything in marriage be about sex? How about his wife who isn’t so rooted when it comes to sex? How about the wife who is the mother of our children, and is present to them 90% of the time while he is out? How about the wife who also works the 9 to 5 job every week?

DBM: I can only speak from my point of view as a guy. I know a lot of guys connect to their spouses emotionally through sex. Them not having enough sex could force such guys, consciously or unconsciously to have little or no real emotional connection towards you.

Amakai: Dave, I do my best for him in that department.

DBM: How often does he communicate with you on issues?

Amakai: We talk when we have to talk

DBM: When last did he ask about your day?

Amakai: Dave

DBM: Yes?

Amakai: Why all these questions?

DBM: I am trying to have a conversation with you about your husband. Tell me about his mood swings

Amakai: He is simply not a happy guy. There is nothing I can do to change that

DBM: How much time does he spend at home with you and the children?

Amakai: Not much

DBM: What is his typical weekend like?

Amakai: Gym, friends, work, work… work

DBM: Do you get the feeling that your husband desires to be with you?

Amakai: He tries to be there for us

DBM: Whereby ‘us’ means?

Amakai: Home, the children, me, etc.

DBM: I am talking about you; him wanting to be there, specifically for you

Amakai: No

DBM: Then he is not feeling as connected with you

Amakai: That’s not my doing, Dave. He is choosing not to be with his wife who loves him

DBM: A man can love and be in love with you and not be connected to you.

Amakai: Because of sex?

DBM: Just as you would want him to be emotionally supportive and forthcoming, so does he want you to be emotionally connected with/to him, through sex.

Amakai: So, for you guys, everything is about the physical?

DBM: It’s not entirely about physicality; a lot of things are tired to sex for men.

Amakai: Women get tired

DBM: I know

Amakai: Are you sure you guys know that? Because if it were left to my husband alone, he’d prefer I stop all that I would be doing just to attend to his sexual needs

DBM: How about choosing to also interpret such calls to mean, your husband’s desperation to want to be close to his beloved wife?

Amakai: So, because I am his wife, I am obligated to have sex with him in order to keep him around?

DBM: That’s not what I am saying. There are men out there who can have zero sex with their women, and still choose to be excited about, be faithful to, and be emotionally attracted to them.

Amakai: That is not the man I am married to

DBM: You know him best. But please do not pull away your trust for his masculine energy and direction. Wake up your feminine energy

Image Credit: Jeferson Gomes

Let’s Talk To Light Soup

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 62: Light Soup

DBM: Hi Light Soup. How would you describe yourself?

LS: 41 years, married, a father, gainfully employed, and I think I am a good friend to my friends. I am the type to support my inner circle if they’re feeling down. I love football and hanging out with my peers.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

LS: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

LS: I loaned one of my friends’ money. The agreement was he had to pay back after four months. Because of the amount involved, I suggested he rather made monthly payments of a certain percentage. He felt it would be too much pressure on him, and so he opted to make a one-time payment instead on the due date.

DBM: How much are we talking about?

LS: 8,000 Ghs.

DBM: When did you give him the money?

LS: August 2022

DBM: Has he paid?

LS: No! Not even 1 Ghs.

DBM: What is his excuse?

LS: The excuses are different every time, but sickness has been the most used

DBM: Why did you give him the money?

LS: He played the sickness card on me; said the daughter needed surgery, and I couldn’t just sit back and do nothing.

DBM: Was the daughter truly ill?

LS: I met the wife one day, and I asked about their daughter’s surgery and she said I might be confusing her with another’s incident. She was clueless, and so I blamed it on a mix-up.

DBM: When was this?

LS: October 2022

DBM: Did you confront your buddy?

LS: I did not. I just wanted my money back in December, 2022.

DBM: Did you make him sign a promissory note to effect payment?

LS: No. We had the extended conversation on WhatsApp, after his phone call. I have proof via our chat

DBM: Was this his first time of asking you for help?

LS: Yes, but he had been taking smaller amounts from our circle of friends.

DBM: The surgery lie aside, does your friend genuinely seem to be in need of help?

LS: I think so

DBM: Does he work?

LS: He’s employed

DBM: What’s his profession?

LS: He’s in academia, a lecturer at the university

DBM: How urgent do you need the money?

LS: I had budgeted to use it for the Christmas holidays. Because I was sure he was going to pay back, I planned with it and didn’t put aside anything. I am very disappointed in him right now. I stopped calling him in February, because I am really hurt.

DBM: It’s never a good idea to lend family and friends money. If you’re gifting the person cash, that’s a totally different story.

LS: The sad part is, I had been blessing him and his family with money prior to the loan.

DBM: I know how you’re feeling. I have been a victim of being played by some friends I loaned out monies to. For some reason, I think they see me to be ‘okay’ in life, and so they’re refusing to pay back – forgetting I had to deny myself some things in order to give them the money

LS: What do you think I should do?

DBM: Are you in a financial bind? As in, do you really, really need the money paid?

LS: Not really, but I still feel it’s disrespectful on his part

DBM: It is, unfortunately. And he will realize it sooner than later, because there is coming a time in his life to desperately need your help again. I am speaking from experience.

LS: How did you handle yours?

DBM: I forced myself to create a mental ledger, in order to consider the almost GHs 11,000 in-total loan given them as their buying out of their friendship with me fee. I respond to them nicely when they check on, or meet me somewhere. I tolerate them for the short time they’re in touch, and that’s that.

LS: I don’t know if I can do that. We used to be really cool buddies

DBM: You’d have to learn how to if you do not want to find yourself getting angry or upset if he’s to decline repayment.

LS: What if he pays back eventually?

DBM: Count it as a bonus, and his friendship still bought out.

LS: I don’t understand why some people find it ok not to be trustworthy

DBM: Some people genuinely are struggling to keep ahead of their bills and life in general. Life happens to people who are ordinarily trustworthy, to sometimes become liars. Many of such people are feeling very low and anxious; especially when they lose their jobs, and are made redundant somewhat. A lot of people are struggling with debt. Let’s not rule out that fact.

LS: Truth

DBM: I have needed people’s help and support to survive in a time in my life; reason why I was encouraged to pay it forward when I got back on my feet.

LS: Are you still loaning people money?

DBM: No. I’m at a point in my life that I need to be conscious of putting on my own oxygen mask on before reaching out a helping hand. If I am in the position to support someone at a point, of course, I do.

LS: Should I call him one last time to demand for my money before considering our friendship bought out? But charley, 8k no bi small cash o

DBM: It’s a lot off money, I agree with you. Call him if that’s going to sit well with your conscience

LS: Thank you David. You’re nice

DBM: You’re welcome. There are other good people out there for us to experience as friends. You seem like a good man. Allow others in need of a true friend to share in your wonderful friendship.

Image Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko

Let’s Talk To Diahann

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 61: My name is Diahann

DBM: Hello Diahann. How would you describe yourself?

Diahann: I would describe myself as compassionate, and I know I will not hurt anyone intentionally. I am relatable, well-rounded, and know how to have a lot of fun – probably because I’ve been around the block quite a number of times. My boyfriend says, I bring so much fulfillment and satisfaction in our relationship.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Diahann: Oh, a cool 9

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Diahann: I am secretly dating one of my girlfriends’ ex-husband. It’s a secret relationship because I don’t know how she’s going to take the news if I am to break it to her. I am worried about her reaction if she’s to find out on her own. I am trying to prevent her getting hurt or feeling betrayed.

DBM: How long have you been dating him?

Diahann: Almost three years.

DBM: How long was he married to your friend?

Diahann: Seven years and some coins.

DBM: When was their divorce finalized?

Diahann: November of 2018

DBM: Was he your friend when he was with your friend?

Diahann: Yes, but not as close as I was with his ex-wife

DBM: Your friend, you mean?

Diahann: Yes!

DBM: What did you know about their marriage?

Diahann: I knew she wasn’t happy with him. There were times she could call me and cry and complain about his affairs with other women.

DBM: And, what were you telling her?

Diahann: First and foremost, it was difficult for me to just sit my behind somewhere, discussing her marriage in the absence of her ex. They are both my friends, and I wasn’t sure I was the best person for her to come to. The second thing is, my friend was suffering in silence in her marriage; it wasn’t working as she had hoped it would. I suggested she dealt with the situation or simply move on. Life is short, Dave. No one deserves to be frustrated by a spouse – all in the name of marriage.

DBM: Has your boyfriend told you his side of the reason for the divorce?

Diahann: All he said was, she wouldn’t stop getting on his last nerve

DBM: Did you by any chance get in the way of their marriage?

Diahann: Get in the way how?

DBM: Interfere with your opinions as her sounding-board of a sort

Diahann: No. It wasn’t my place to

DBM: Did you or your boyfriend ever seek any form of emotional connection with one another, while he was married to your friend?

Diahann: Never. In fact, I hated him for always causing my friend pain and unhappiness

DBM: If you suspect that one of your close friends is hanging around your ex-boyfriend, would you want her to let her intentions known to you?

Diahann: I don’t think so. That would be entirely her business. He is my ex for a reason

DBM: How did your relationship with him begin?

Diahann: I was supposed to be on a date with a guy who stood me up. My boyfriend just happened to be eating at the same restaurant. He saw me, and joined me at my table to build conversation since I was alone. When he realized my date wasn’t showing, he kept me company. He ordered food for me and the conversations continued. We hadn’t talked nor seen each other since their divorce

DBM: Did you tell your friend about your date, and how her ex-husband just happened to be there to keep you company?

Diahann: She knew I was stood up; we had been texting the whole of that afternoon to prepare me for my date. I didn’t mention the ex-husband part though

DBM: Why not?

Diahann: I didn’t think it was important

DBM: At what point did you realize you liked him?

Diahann: Right at the table on my date fiasco. He says, he realized how awesome I was, right at the beginning of our ‘first’ unplanned date lunch. He kissed me unexpectedly after eating, and I kissed back. He fell in love with me, and I would add, has been loyal to me. He respects me and our relationship, and understands my worth

DBM: I see. He fell in love with you, right there and then?

Diahann: Yes, that’s what he told me.

DBM: It does happen, I don’t doubt you.

Diahann: He did not contact me for about a week after the ‘date’. I didn’t sulk or feel hurt. He called on the eighth day to ask for a proper date night. That evening, I knew I was falling madly in love with him because the kiss had been on my mind for days.

DBM: We’re talking about the same guy you hated because he was making the life of your friend, a living hell?

Diahann: Same one. I’ve come to understand that, he’s not the type of man to hurt a woman for the fun of it. I had been pretending with my feelings for months till he told me how much he loves me

DBM: How much is his love for you?

Diahann: Worth more than 100 Cedis

DBM: Are you in love with him?

Diahann: I am all over him in love. I had to change my perceptions about him to accommodate his love for me.

DBM: Why do you think you fell for him that quickly?

Diahann: Because I know him. Also, he has something to add to every conversation we have. To be honest, until my friend started criticizing him about their marriage, I aways assumed he was a cool catch. I haven’t been so easy to get, nor so eager to please. He’s just been the perfect gentleman with my experience with him. Also, I made it hard for him to read me like a book on our ‘first’ date. I had blocked myself emotionally to him to get through to. He’s the real deal

DBM: For how long is he going to remain your best kept secret?

Diahann: That’s what I am trying to figure out.

DBM: In your opinion, was your friend right about her ex-husband?

Diahann: Since becoming a couple, he’s accounted for all his flaws, and is working through them to become a better man for me. Right now, our relationship is our most important friendship. And so far, it’s been working out just fine.

DBM: I am happy for you.

Image Credit: Gustavo Fring

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