Let’s Talk To Israel

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 83: Israel is fine by me

DBM: Hi Israel. How would you describe yourself?

Israel: My friends say they can count on me at every turn. They also say I am good looking, funny and have a knack for making others feel good. I am a dreamer, goofy and a goal-chaser.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Israel: 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Israel: I share a beautiful escapade with a friend that is arousing so many funny feelings in me. We weren’t supposed to fall in love but I find myself sharing even the slightest moments of my day-to-day with her. I am interested in her interests. It’s crazy to admit but I feel like a teenager again.

DBM: I am happy for you

Israel: Thanks, but not everyone in my camp is digging the idea. She is a single mother of two. I don’t have a child.

DBM: How old are you?

Israel: 35

DBM: How old is she?

Israel: 33

DBM: How long have you two been together?

Israel: Two years

DBM: How do you define the nature of your relationship?

Israel: Our agreement was to have really good sex. I care about her but we were not reliant on our affection. I did not feel answerable to her beyond friendship. It wasn’t frequent sex but it happened when it happened.

DBM: You get laid how many times in a week?

Israel: With her or in general?

DBM: With her

Israel: At least, twice a week

DBM: And in general?

Israel: Four or five times.

DBM: And, it was strictly sex?

Israel: That was the arrangement, and we made sure it wasn’t confused for something deeper. But it’s difficult now for me to get my head around it. I am literally fighting with my feelings and it’s stressing me out.

DBM: Warmth is a huge part of how men sometimes express love

Israel: She’s always on my mind

DBM: Because you want to keep the love alive

Israel: Do you think it’s love?

DBM: If I am consciously or unconsciously, staying in touch with an important part of me that craves physical contact, and I am that much into giving and receiving affection from this person who excites my point of view, then it’s definitely something worth looking into.

Israel: She’s introduced me to her children.

DBM: As her what?

Israel: Friend. Her children are very stubborn, but I like them

DBM: How old are they?

Israel: 11 and 9

DBM: Do you think her children are ready to see their mother with another man who isn’t their father?

Israel: They hug me when they see me. They talk to me on phone when I call their mother. I get along very well with them.

DBM: That’s good then

Israel: I have introduced her to my friends. They like her, as long as she doesn’t become my wife. But their opinions doesn’t count on this subject.

DBM: Smh!

Israel: I don’t know what she’s thinking. She has a busy life. Her job is demanding; mine too but she seems to believe the strictly sex hook-up and our friendship is what works best for her.

DBM: Meaning, you cannot tell whether or not she feels the same way towards you?

Israel: Yeah! She’s afraid of hurting the feelings of her children, so she stays single. They want their mother and father to be together.

DBM: Is she still interested in the guy?

Israel: No, but he wants to come back to her.

DBM: Have you dropped the L-bomb on her?

Israel: Not yet. I don’t know how to drop hints without being too forward.

DBM: What I know is, if I am developing genuine feelings for someone that I believe I care about, I would put it out there – for them to know exactly what is going on with me. Afterall, I have nothing to lose.

Israel: I care about this woman. I care about her children too.

DBM: Send her an admiration text.

Israel: Saying what precisely?

DBM: What’s her name?

Israel: Hannah

DBM: ‘Hannah, I think you are doing an incredible job with your kids. You just came to mind.’

Israel: I like it. Can I send it now?

DBM: If you want to. You stated earlier that your camp isn’t in agreement of her?

Israel: My friends think single-mothers come with a lot baggage. My mother will not be welcoming to the idea of a woman with two children. In fact, she’s been trying to convince me to date her friend’s daughter.

DBM: You may love Hannah to want to commit to her, but are you ready for a relationship like that?

Israel: Is anyone ever ready to jump into a serious relationship?

DBM: Well, one can always challenge themselves to become a man or woman worth loving, no?

Israel: I am worth loving

DBM: Question is, why Hannah?

Israel: Hannah, because I honestly cannot see myself finding anyone like her. I’ve lived a pretty adventurous life and I don’t want to lose the greatest thing that has ever happened to me by far.

DBM: Most of these single-mothers have a sense of fear when it comes to putting themselves out there, and basically, exposing their feelings with the hope of something positive in return.

Israel: I realized that about Hannah

DBM: I have a few friends like your woman, who open up to me about their lives, and so, I have a fair idea as to how they think and feel. These ladies often have been hurt or disappointed by their past relationships, thus, making them have a hard time trusting another man. Nonetheless, they say what’s on their minds as blunt as possible. They hardly would have the time to play any games with your mind. And I know they expect same from you.

Israel: It’s been good talking with you, Dave.

DBM: You’re welcome!

Image Credit: Rhema

Let’s Talk To Emefa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 82: Emefa

DBM: Hello Emefa. How would you describe yourself?

Emefa: I am a mother, and soon to be grandmother. Some of my close friends tell me that they feel better after talking to me. I am conscious of maintaining a clean and neat appearance. Lastly, I would say, I have a meaningful relationship with myself – which has been up and down, sometimes, sideways over the years. I change as a person when the people around me change. I change when circumstances around me change. I change as and when I want to change.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Emefa: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Emefa: I became a dowager in January, 2023. We were married for a good 32 years. It is still taking me time to process his death.

DBM: There are no words

Emefa: People try to say nice things to comfort me, but after they’ve left or ended their calls, I am left alone all over again to deal with my loss

DBM: Healing through moments like these comes slowly, but it does come.

Emefa: I guess

DBM: Has he been buried?

Emefa: Yes, weeks ago.

DBM: How did you meet your late husband?

Emefa: We ran into each other physically on the street one afternoon. I was going to buy food for lunch. He told me he had been writing letters to a strange P. O. Box address he saw in the newspaper, and the person had been writing back. They agreed on a date to meet on the street for the first time. She was supposed to be wearing a white and green outfit for easy identification because they didn’t know what the other looked like. Guess my favorite colors?

DBM: Green and white?

Emefa: With a pop of black in the mix. He says he noticed me in the crowd, from the opposite side of the road, in my white, green and black dress, and automatically assumed I was the lady he had been writing to. Looking back, my dress did stand out in the crowd. He jounced my shoulder while walking past me. I remember I turned and gave him a sarcastic look, and he had this confused expression on his face. I stopped walking and he approached me, smiling.

DBM: What did he say?

Emefa: ‘You have a beautiful presence’

DBM: Wait! Was he saying this to the stranger you, or the woman he had been writing letters to?

Emefa: He assumed I was his mystery lady. I thanked him for the compliment and went to buy my food. He followed me to the chop-bar, unknown to me. He bought food and came to sit next to my table. I have this habit of frequently glancing around a room to spot familiar faces. I did again this time, only to see him staring right at me.

DBM: You liked him?

Emefa: It felt uncomfortable to see him twice in 20 minutes. But he was very handsome. He had these really huge eyes. I am not talking about big; he had very huge eyes which almost seemed like they would pop out of his head.

DBM: Hehehe

Emefa: But they were at the same time attractive. I liked him a lot, yes.

DBM: Do you know whatever happened to the mystery lady?

Emefa: Yes, she wrote him back to say she got his letter from the post office very late. The date and time he proposed they met had passed by then.

DBM: Did he write back?

Emefa: I don’t think he did. We had started dating

DBM: I like the sound of that

Emefa: We had a lot of plans for the future together. He died too young

DBM: How many kids later?

Emefa: We had three together.

DBM: That’s nice

Emefa: And found out in January, that he has another son.

DBM: Huh?

Emefa: His other son is 26. My last child is 24

DBM: Is your last child a boy or girl?

Emefa: A boy. I have two daughters and a son.

DBM: How old are your girls?

Emefa: 30 and 28

DBM: Just this January?

Emefa: Sunday, 22nd January, 2023. Two days after my husband had passed, he showed up with his mother.

DBM: He is his son for real?

Emefa: He is. My husband had been taking care of him and his mother for the past 26 years. They had receipts, pictures, DNA results, and had been named in my husband’s will.

DBM: And, you did not know anything about this?

Emefa: I had no clue. I understand that a man has a responsibility to be a father to his child, but I am tremendously miffed and still dealing with the pain of the adultery he’s left me to battle with, alongside his death.

DBM: How is your heart and head managing through it all?

Emefa: I am not taking any major decisions about anything right now. Unfortunately, dead men don’t talk, so I want to see how everything is going to play out on its own merit. I signed on to this marriage thing as a lifelong commitment to my husband. And because I loved him so much, I tried to be the best for only him. I did not betray him by cheating on him. 32 years later, I can confidently say that I did my part. So, if what I gave is this memory he has left me with in return, then it’s all good.

DBM: How are your children taking the news of another brother?

Emefa: They are adults so they are allowing themselves time to navigate the intricacies of their father’s affair, the new brother and his mother – at their own pace.

DBM: Do you think they will build a relationship with their brother?

Emefa: My son, I know has been texting and calling him since the funeral. For my daughters, I hope they would eventually also get to know him.

DBM: Do you feel disappointed in your husband?

Emefa: I want to hold on to the beautiful memories we built together and leave this bad one behind. I want to keep retaining a positive outlook on life.

DBM: That’s fair. Do you see yourself getting married again?

Emefa: I will always love my husband. I will always have his love for me, but I will move on to something meaningful if I am to come across the right man interested in me.

DBM: You have the last word to say something to women

Emefa: A man is as hard to figure out as a woman. They can force themselves on your wavelength just to hide a bad deed. Pay attention to the intentions of the man you love. Some would be categorizing you as a soft touch and unconsciously, manipulate and play mind-games with you. Cut your losses and go if you catch him cheating. Because his behavior isn’t likely to stop. He will do it again, and again. I saw this firsthand after my husband’s death.

DBM: Your husband is not a representation of all men

Emefa: He was the perfect representation of men cheating on their wives. These men control their own narrative. Trusting their word that it won’t happen again is as true as you would want it to be.

Image Credit: Jackson David

Let’s Talk To Alexa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

This phone interview was engineered by the mother of Alexa. She wanted me to have a conversation with her daughter to know her mind. Alexa’s mother’s first husband was Pop. The union produced Joey and Toni. Her second marriage was to Alexa’s father, Nigel. Now, she’s divorced and engaged to her third guy, Charles. This phone interview between David Bondze-Mbir and Alexa was recorded, and has been transcribed verbatim for publication.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 81: I would say Alexa

DBM: Hi Alexa. How would you describe yourself?

Alexa: Kind, smart and a polite child

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Alexa: Errrm, probably 7 😀 Please don’t ask me why; I have no idea.

DBM: So, how would you describe your mum?

Alexa: Kind, respectful; I’m trying to figure out a word for someone who ‘stands out’ but I have no words – vibrant.

DBM: Oh my! Hehehe. How about your dad, how would you describe him?

Alexa: Errrm, strong; what’s like a word for like always working hard? Hardworking, busy… he’s very busy. Sometimes I feel bad to think he has anger issues. He’s like a shadow; he doesn’t like standing out like my mum

DBM: Tell me a little about your sisters

Alexa: Well… well. Hehehe. I was waiting for that. It’s going to take me a long time. Errrm, Joey, she’s sometimes bossy. And, she likes to run a lot, so I’d say sometimes energetic but she really does not like to take photos, neither does Toni. Errm, Toni, she’s strong. Joey is also strong, but she’s strong and … I’m thinking of words: polite to other people. And, she’s mean to me. Errm, yeah! But she’s sometimes kind to me.

DBM: Do you believe your parents love you?

Alexa: Well, yes. And, I really like remember, I think it was last night, I’m not sure. Last night or the night before, I said that my mommy likes Charles more than me. And now I know that mommy can’t love anyone else more than us. She can love someone else but not more than us. I know that my daddy loves me. Just that sometimes I think he doesn’t when he’s shouting at me. Pops I think loves me too. No one is leaving me

DBM: Have any of your friends’ parent gotten a divorce?

Alexa: Hehehe. Yes! Errm, Corey. Err Corey, she’s… Yeah, so her parents have gotten a divorce. They’re actually divorced and her mum is going out with another person. And she doesn’t call him dad. She calls her first dad, dad. I feel sad that my parents are getting a divorce because I don’t want them to split up. I fear that someday, my daddy will just leave us and I won’t see him. But my parents have promised me that we are all going to be staying together as one family.

DBM: Have you had nightmares about what’s going on between your parents?

Alexa: Nah, I haven’t had nightmares. Because I’m not that scared of it. But I feel I will in the future because I have heard other children do have nightmares after their parents’ divorce.

DBM: Will you let both parents know any time you get hurt at the thought of them not being together?

Alexa: Yes, because I know that mummy can fix it; mummy or daddy will help me when I am upset.

DBM: When you grow up, how would you want to see your own family? As in, your idea of the kind of family you would want to have when you grow up?

Alexa: I want to be rich. And I want to be famous, but I consider my family in future to be a very happy family; all of us living together happily, nothing sad. Sometimes arguing, because I know we will sometimes argue but we will have a good resolve, I know. Hehehe. Because me and my family have a lot of differences. But we are still family, no matter what.

DBM: Okay, that’s cool. How do you think your siblings are taking this whole decision your parents have made? Do you think they understand why mommy is no longer with your dad, and why she feels she’s happier now with someone else? Do you kids understand what is really going on? Has mom and dad sat you all down to explain what is going on, and why they feel they have to make such a decision?

Alexa: Errrm, that’s a lot of things you just asked. I understand it. I am not sure if my other sisters understand. I am pretty sure Joey understands it, but I will tell you one thing; I already knew about it before mommy told me. I was literally on her iPad doing my thing, and then I just wanted to look at some pictures of mommy. So, I went over to the photos, and I saw a letter, a Valentine card. And it said… errrm, I forgot. But then a few days later, I saw a picture of mommy and Charles, talking to each other. So, I was like, ‘hmmmm! I smell something fishy’. Hehehe. So then, I went to tell Toni. I told her, ‘I think mommy is going to marry a different man.’ When we figured out that she was going to divorce my father, errrm, Toni was like, ‘what the hell!’ I was correct. As in, I’ve never been correct in my whole entire life. It really was going to happen after all, and that was just a miracle to her. My sister was very surprised that I guessed right. And, I think my daddy was also thinking of someone else after their divorce; because when I am watching him, especially when he was with my mother, he was texting someone else. It was a girl. And they were exchanging love-heart emojis between themselves.

DBM: Wow! That’s very interesting. Okay, so if you could tell your mom and dad one thing, what would it be?

Alexa: Errrm, I’d say to daddy, I feel you are very jealous of Charles. And I’ve also noticed that he’s sad about it like I am, but it’s the best for mommy. Because if my mommy stays with my dad, she would be sad and probably, not happy. That will also not make daddy happy. And to my mommy, I’d say, ‘why did you make this decision?’Arrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhh! ‘Why did you make this decision?’ I am not saying mommy should leave Charles and go back to my daddy, but she can. Anyways, I am pretty sure that as long as we all stay happy, I am okay. Because I am happy. Yeah! I am okay that she’s in love with someone else, but I would prefer mommy and daddy not getting a divorce. If I had a magic wand, I would figure out a way to make everyone else happy. But I would try to figure out how to make the three of us, me, mommy and daddy very happy. I am not as happy as I was before their divorce. I know my daddy is not as happy as he was before the divorce. But my mommy is definitely happy. She likes Charles very much. She talks to him every single day. She likes talking to him. Is that obsession?

DBM: Lol! Please clarify this for me; do you understand the fact that because your mom and dad want to be happy, they cannot be together?

Alexa: Errrm, yes, I do understand. Mommy made the decision. I don’t know why daddy agreed to it. Errrm, I feel very disappointed in them. Especially in my dad for agreeing to a divorce. Bla… bla… bla. I know mom would not have been happy, but I can make her happy. Well, I cannot be her husband. But I don’t think she even needs a husband to be happy. It’s literally like saying, a woman needs money to be happy.

DBM: Thank you Alexa. How old are you?

Alexa: I am eight. I hope we would do this again, because it was really fun. I think mommy is now going to ask me a million questions. But thank you. I also want to say, I wish my middle sister, Toni loves me more, or show that she loves me more. Mummy keeps insisting Toni loves me very much but she does not always behave like she loves me.

Image Credit: Monstera

Let’s Talk To Asantewaa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 80: Asantewaa

DBM: Hello Asantewaa. How would you describe yourself?

Asantewaa: 😭

DBM: Oh! What’s the matter?

Asantewaa: I don’t know where to begin

DBM: Let’s start from here. How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Asantewaa: 0

DBM: Zero? You cannot be zero

Asantewaa: That’s how I feel

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Asantewaa: I just tested positive for HIV. I am so frightened; I don’t know how to process the news. I have not done anything wrong. I have not done anything bad. My husband is the only guy I have been sexual with since we married. I can swear on my life and the lives of our children, I am telling the truth. The news distresses me so much, I have not been myself a couple of days now. I don’t know if my husband senses my anxiety. Dave, I have never been this depressed in life.

DBM: Hey, slow down.

Asantewaa: I can’t. This is not my destiny

DBM: I am so sorry about everything happening to you right now

Asantewaa: I feel so alone

DBM: You are far from alone

Asantewaa: I don’t know what to do. I am going to die from AIDS

DBM: Being HIV-positive doesn’t mean you have AIDS. Try to calm down, please?

Asantewaa: How can I calm down!

DBM: It is going to be okay

Asantewaa: No, that’s a lie

DBM: Have you done further blood test to confirm the result?

Asantewaa: Yes. I have done three separate tests and they all came back positive

DBM: It may take some time, but I believe you will come to terms with it

Asantewaa: I will not

DBM: Hey, everything is going to be alright

Asantewaa: How do you know?

DBM: You are not the first person to share your HIV news with me on Facebook. Many people have, and their health seems to be better now because they know their HIV statuses. They tell me they’re able to get the right monitoring and treatment.

Asantewaa: This is so scary, Dave. This is not the life I dreamed for myself.

DBM: You can still chase after the life you dreamed for yourself before you learned that you were HIV-positive.

Asantewaa: Easier said. You are not in my shoes

DBM: I don’t have to be in your shoes to tell you that everything is really going to be alright. What has your doctor told you thus far?

Asantewaa: Hmmm! She says my immune system is working well, and the HIV isn’t progressing so fast. She also said I have a healthy body.

DBM: Okay! That’s good to know. Has your husband been tested?

Asantewaa: No! I’ve not told him anything yet

DBM: When do you plan telling him?

Asantewaa: I don’t know. I am still wrapping my head around the news

DBM: You don’t have to share your HIV diagnosis with everyone out there, but your husband has a legal right to know.

Asantewaa: I don’t know what I am more sacred of; me dying or my husband leaving me – when he finds out

DBM: His safety depends on it

Asantewaa: I know

DBM: And any sexual partners he’s had since being exposed to the infection.

Asantewaa: You know what? I’ve been thinking about that actually. Why am I HIV-positive if my husband is the only man, I’ve been having sex with since we married?

DBM: Were you both negative prior to marriage?

Asantewaa: Yes.

DBM: Off the top of my head, I can count 17 women who have shared their diagnosis with me. I think only two found out they had been infected after their husbands had come clean for them to get tested. The rest got to know through random tests, because their husbands either did not know, or knew but kept the information from them.

Asantewaa: My husband has not given me any reason to question him, nor his intentions or feelings. He has not given me a reason to doubt him or our relationship.

DBM: Not even once?

Asantewaa: We’ve had our disagreements every now and then, but he does not make me second-guess his emotions. He has not given me any reason not to trust him.

DBM: Again, you can only be certain after he’s been tested. Majority of the women who shared their experiences with me were convinced about the same things when it came to questioning their husbands’ fidelity to them. Whenever a man is trying so hard to make it clear to you that you are the only one he could ever be with, just ask for his phone and password; right there and then, to have a private tour on his daily conversations and activities.

Asantewaa: My husband has a password on his phone

DBM: Do you know the code?

Asantewaa: I don’t. But he knows mine. I let him have my phone anytime he wants to use it. The children have access to it too. I have nothing to hide; also, it’s because he is my husband.

DBM: I see

Asantewaa: But there have been times that he would be on his phone and would try to hide his screen from me.

DBM: Do you do that to him?

Asantewaa: I don’t.

DBM: Everyone is entitled to their privacy. However, if a partner starts to act shady or give any reason to suspect something is amiss, sometimes by hiding their phone screens while on phone next to you, then it is what it is

Asantewaa: I usually do not have a clue what he does on his phone, and I don’t ask

DBM: What prompted you to get tested?

Asantewaa: I was experiencing recurring vaginal yeast infections. I was feeling so tired all the time, I wasn’t finding my energy to be intimate with my husband. Also, my husband used to complain about the heat in the environment in general, when he used to sweat at night. I had to visit the hospital when I experienced itchy skin rashes

DBM: I see.

Asantewaa: I feel myself growing angry again

DBM: Why is that?

Asantewaa: What if my husband is the reason smiles have fallen off my face?

DBM: If you love your husband, and still want to spend the rest of your life with him, HIV does not have to affect that.

Asantewaa: I am not going to be my husband’s keeper if he did this to me.

DBM: Please let me know what happens after confronting him.

Image Credit: Godisable Jacob

Let’s Talk To SafoMaame

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 79: You can call me SafoMaame

DBM: Hi SafoMaame. How would you describe yourself?

SafoMaame: I fear being a failure. I fear being rejected if I am to speak the truth. I used to not drink. Now, I actually enjoy a good vodka or gin because those are the drinks my husband hides in the cabinet at home. I am no longer passionate about the office I occupy; I am no longer passionate about my marriage; I am no longer passionate about my husband.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

SafoMaame: I’d say 4 over 10

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

SafoMaame: I am supposed to be the wife of a Prophet, but my husband is toxic. And I am worried about the foundation of his church, putrefying. The second concern is my son. I asked him what he wants to become in future, and he said, he wants to be like his daddy.

DBM: How long have you been married?

SafoMaame: My husband is very active on his social media platforms, so I don’t want to be specific with personal information.

DBM: Understood! You’re still married to him, no?

SafoMaame: Yes

DBM: Why do you describe your husband as toxic?

SafoMaame: I have never seen a man as arrogant as my husband is. He is calculating and crafty, unforgiving, selfish, always lying and exaggerating; and only chases after the endorsement of people. He is his most prophetic when he comes into contact with a rich man or woman. He will say and do anything to cajole or indulge them, so far as they have money. I am sorry to say this, but he is not trustworthy.

DBM: Was he always like this?

SafoMaame: I’d say yes and no, though I had my reservations about him, even back then – when we were dating.

DBM: What kinds of doubts?

SafoMaame: He has difficulty acknowledging his transgressions. He sees the call upon his life to be unique, and above the biblical standard. I know some of his junior pastors in church who are scholarly and can preach and speak into the lives of the congregation way better than him. My husband knows these young, spirit-filled guys can do the job better, but would not share his pulpit. Anything that would influence the attention of the people off him, he would not allow. It always has to be his name on the lips of people; his brand, his message. If a junior pastor proposes a solid idea that benefits the church, at a church-executives meeting, he will undermine the proposal simply because it didn’t come from him. If he feels threatened by a discerning junior pastor, he will send them off to the field to go and establish a branch of the church elsewhere, without any help from him or the church.

DBM: This is not healthy

SafoMaame: Mr. David, if I am to tell you what I am dealing with

DBM: I believe in a church that is bursting with diverse voices and giftings; a church that is welcoming to different minds and interpretations, when it comes to The Word of GOD. I prefer a pastor who doesn’t mind sharing his stage

SafoMaame: Not my husband. He has a dollar account in the name of the church, but the funds are being used for his personal purchases overseas: homes, cars, designer shoes and tailored clothing, etc.

DBM: At the end of the day, it’s your family that’s benefiting from all this, no?

SafoMaame: Yes, and that is why I am troubled. He is not doing things the right way. My husband will accuse a church staff for the same thing he’s doing with church money. Dave, the horrific things my husband has done …

DBM: What has he done?

SafoMaame: Let me tell you about one or two. There are women in our church who unfortunately, are unable to conceive in their marriages. I know my husband prays for a number of them during regular Sunday church services and consultation during the week. Many of them eventually get pregnant. They will come to church to thank my husband after giving birth, give their offerings, but then, stop church afterwards. I kept wondering why I wasn’t seeing many of the new miracle babies and their mothers. I accidentally met two of them at separate locations after a year or two of not attending church, and their sons looked just like my sons when they were their sons’ age. The sad part is, they were all trying to hide from me. They didn’t want me to see their kids. One even lied about the child being home, while he was seated in her car.

DBM: That’s weird

SafoMaame: The resemblance was crystal. They were my husband’s children. And so, I asked if they slept with him. One vehemently denied and was accusing me of insulting her integrity, but the other broke down in the end, and started confessing to how my husband had to have sex with her multiple times till she took seed. This particular lady had been married for six years without a child. She said my husband convinced her in prayer, he was the one to give her the experience of a child, and not her husband.

DBM: Did you confront him?

SafoMaame: I did. He says the call on his life is an opening to help others through whichever means, and that, I need to understand

DBM: The call on his life is not to take advantage of people

SafoMaame: To him, Prophets also make mistakes, and will keep making mistakes, so far as their mistakes solve problems for others. Dave, at the moment, my life revolves around him and what he brings home to our family. The irony is that, he is the first to expose a church member or staff for their wrongdoing

DBM: Do you pray for your husband?

SafoMaame: I used to, but he keeps getting worse

DBM: How many people have you told this to?

SafoMaame: My mother, and now, you.

DBM: In-as-much as you abhor his deceitfulness, I would entreat you not to be spreading rumors about him by telling too many people. Rather, find people you know he respects and would listen to, to address the matter with him.

SafoMaame: His spiritual fathers in ministry are doing worse. Majority of the people who give their offerings to my husband’s church are suffering, yet he would do nothing to support the congregation. He takes, and keeps taking from them. He will prescribe days of fasting and prayers for the church, and he will not pray nor fast at home.

DBM: I can only imagine. I have an idea of many of such people who look the part, while their character lacks the part. Their outward appearance looks good, while their actual motives and intentions stinks.

SafoMaame: Women look up to me in church, and I feel very bad when I think about all the bad things going on in my husband’s ministry that I am helping to cover up with my silence and fears.

DBM: Your task as his wife is to be true to yourself, your husband, the church and to GOD.

SafoMaame: I am not being true to myself and God.

DBM: What do you want to do?

SafoMaame: I’m stuck at the moment. I have heard other preachers questioning his calling and sermons, and he’s always accusing them of being spiritually and biblically oblivious

DBM: Do you see yourself to be growing as a Christian, fellowshipping under your husband’s feet?

SafoMaame: Unfortunately, no!

DBM: If you, his wife isn’t seeing growth in your spiritual walk with GOD, then I wonder what else the church is feeding on.

SafoMaame: Dave, can you pray for me? I am really hurting

DBM: I pray The Lord to make known to you the path He’s called you to take, especially in these times where you cannot clearly tell between what to do and what not to do. Only GOD understands what’s going on in your life, in your mind, in your head, and in your heart. I pray The Peace of GOD to your understanding; I pray healing to your brokenness and hurt. May the grace of GOD be sufficient for even you. I pray The Lord to fill you with so much joy, just at the thought of Him. May He hide you and the children, in the shadows of His wings from the wiles of whatever is causing your husband to be what GOD has not called him to be. May The Lord grant and create in you His sound and pure Heart, Spirit and Mind; and may He smile on you through it all. In Jesus Name, Amen!

SafoMaame: Amen! Thank you!

DBM: You’re most welcome!

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Keith

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 78: Keith

DBM: Hello Keith. How would you describe yourself?

Keith: I am a DJ with an Accra-based FM station. I like inspiring people to get up and dance. It puts a smile on my face

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Keith: I would have said 9, but because of the trouble I find myself in now, I’d say 3

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Keith: I have impregnated a 17-year-old girl, and her parents are threatening to get me arrested

DBM: How old are you?

Keith: In my mid-to-late thirties

DBM: Did you know of her age before being physical with her?

Keith: No! We met at a night club, clicked and had our first sex in my car. We exchanged numbers, and she would arrange to fuck with me, once or twice in a week.

DBM: Where were you meeting to do this?

Keith: I have a place

DBM: Is that where you live?

Keith: No! But I used to live there

DBM: I’d want to believe I would know a teenager when I meet one. Couldn’t you tell her age by just looking at her?

Keith: Dave, she looks way older than she actually is. Also, when we met at the club, she had make-up on, and was wearing a wig and clothing that an adult would wear. She and her friends were acting mature. I could not tell the difference.

DBM: Were you two dating, prior to the pregnancy?

Keith: No! It was strictly sex. We weren’t talking with the intention of being in a relationship. It was simply fun we were having

DBM: Till she got pregnant

Keith: Yes. I hadn’t heard from her for two weeks, so I sent her a message. Her father called me, minutes after the message was read.

DBM: Are you single?

Keith: Not really

DBM: Not really, meaning?

Keith: I am not single. Whatever we did, she consented to it

DBM: Whereby consent means?

Keith: She agreed to have sex with me, and we both understood what we were agreeing to.

DBM: Everyone but minors have the right to make choices about sex. A minor cannot consent to any type of sexual activity. How long have you been having sex with this girl?

Keith: Almost a year

DBM: When was her 17th birth date?

Keith: I don’t know. We don’t discuss those things

DBM: To the best of my knowledge, Ghana’s statutory rape law is violated when you have consensual sexual contact with a person under the age of 16, I think.

Keith: I did not rape her

DBM: I am not saying you did. Being prosecuted for unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor has nothing to do with rape. If she was under 16 years, the night you first met at the club, then the situation you currently find yourself in could be termed a felony, as well as misdemeanor child molest.

Keith: I have all of our chat history on WhatsApp. She couldn’t have been less than 16 years, ten months ago

DBM: Okay! Have you spoken to the young lady?

Keith: Yes. She used her friend’s phone to call me. She warned me about her father’s decision to get me arrested. Her father has her phone

DBM: What information is her dad working with to track you down?

Keith: He has my phone number and full name.

DBM: How did he get to know your name?

Keith: I think he used the mobile money transaction process. He sent me 1 Cedi

DBM: Did you ask of her actual age when she called?

Keith: Yes. She was 17 in February

DBM: 2023?

Keith: Yes, this year. Do you think she can be forced to lie about me?

DBM: Lie about what?

Keith: Maybe, rape or something

DBM: Did you rape her?

Keith: No!

DBM: If she does not want to falsely testify against you, then she cannot be forced to. These situations are rarely investigated by the police, unless someone reports it to them.

Keith: Her father might

DBM: So, get your story straight. What’s going through your mind right now?

Keith: Hmmm! I can’t even focus at work

DBM: What are you going to do about the pregnancy?

Keith: I am not ready for it

DBM: Do you have any idea what her parents might be going through right now? The flood of emotions, from shock to being disappointed in her; to grief and worry about her future

Keith: Yeah

DBM: How is the girl managing through all this?

Keith: I don’t know

DBM: What do you really know?

Keith: She said she will contact me when tempers calm at home. Do you think I am going to be pressured into an unwanted marriage?

DBM: Did it not ever occur to you that you were placing yourself, and that of the girl at risk of an STI, HIV or an unwanted pregnancy – while engaging in unprotected sex?

Keith: I thought she was taking emergency contraception like the others

DBM: Which others?

Keith: 😜

DBM: I see

Keith: Dave, can we meet over lunch somewhere to talk? I need someone to talk to

DBM: I would love to, but I am currently not available for a face-to-face. Sorry. Please keep me updated whatever happens

Keith: Will do. Thanks

DBM: You’re welcome!

Image Credit: Marcus Silva

Let’s Talk To Adelaide

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 77: Adelaide

DBM: Hi Adelaide. How would you describe yourself?

Adelaide: I feel all alone. I walk alone, and I have no one but myself and my children

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Adelaide: 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Adelaide: I feel like I am not as pumped to make the most of my marriage

DBM: Why is that?

Adelaide: I am disappointed in my husband, and I am very scared of the future ahead of me if I continue to be married to him

DBM: How long have you been married?

Adelaide: Nine years

DBM: What is making you feel disappointed in him?

Adelaide: He is financially unstable. He has been making me pay the bills at home; he shares the payment of our children’s school fees with me. I am paying half of our rent. The amount he gives to feed the house every month is never enough. I am always topping up with so much, I am unable to save for my future.

DBM: Is he in that financial position to give more than he can afford?

Adelaide: He can do better, but he just refuses to. He thinks because I work and also earn enough, he can be miserly when it comes to money. What I am saying has absolutely nothing to do with marrying a man who is well-to-do, and can make like comfortable for me and our children. I am talking about marrying a real man who can handle financial responsibilities right.

DBM: I see

Adelaide: He doesn’t see the good in spending on his wife and children. He only spends when he wants to. He is not happy about anything in life; he complains about everything. Dave, I was very sick the other time and was taken to the hospital. They called my husband to inform him. When it was time for me to be discharged, he came to the ward, asking for my debit card PIN to settle my hospital bill. In other words, my sickness, my bill to pay. Meanwhile. I have been supporting him even in the worst of situations. He talks negative about some of my friends, and has become a negative atmosphere around me.

DBM: Has he always been like that, or he recently started playing smart?

Adelaide: I don’t have an answer to that question, because I am not sure when this person he’s become ever was. My marriage feels worse than before. I don’t have joy in me. He knows how to manipulate certain feelings and behaviors in me to his advantage.

DBM: Do you know what his priorities are?

Adelaide: His work, career and the children. Those are the goals superseding everything else in his life. He thinks he is superior to others who are not in his rank, and has little or no respect for other people’s feelings. My husband is selfish even if he has money.

DBM: I am terribly sorry about this

Adelaide: If I had known this was what I was going to sign up for, I would have avoided him at all cost.

DBM: What do you see in your marriage, three to five years from now?

Adelaide: Misery

DBM: My guess is, your husband is also thinking you are part to blame for whatever is the unsolved problem (s) in your marriage

Adelaide: Dave, when we argue, I am able to point out his actions that hurt my feelings to his face. He has never been bold to tell me, I did this or that, that is why he does this or that in return. In fact, the more I have gotten focused on our marriage, the less he has. I have done things to make him feel loved and cared about. All he does is to enjoy the benefits without lifting a finger, and it’s leaving me drained and vulnerable. At this moment, I am getting sick and tired of him.

DBM: Do you think you are in a toxic marriage?

Adelaide: I would say it’s 50% toxic, and 100% unhappy

DBM: When you search from deep within, do you recognize any part you might have played to turn your husband into this inconsiderate person he’s become?

Adelaide: I wish I knew. On our wedding reception, he told everyone he had married the best woman in the world.

DBM: Do you trust him?

Adelaide: I don’t!

DBM: Why?

Adelaide: He lies a lot. And that has been detrimental to our marriage.

DBM: Do you love your husband?

Adelaide: My heart used to surge at the sight of him. Now, I cannot be so sure because I’ve started to check out. I am feeling very hurt, and I want to know what to do. If I can leave this marriage without my children hating me, Dave, trust me; I’d do it.

DBM: Assuming your husband is going to chance on this conversation when published, what would you want him to know?

Adelaide: I feel neglected when you care more about your phone than what I have to say. I feel neglected when you care more about your work than spending time with me. I get frustrated when all you want is sex, and not intimacy with me. I don’t ignore your attempts for sex; I don’t upset you or create frustrations in our marriage; I don’t fake being asleep when you want sex; I don’t say, ‘I’m not feeling well’ when you want sex. I do not avoid you, yet you only do something for me when you want sex. Whenever I raise a serious concern, you immediately have an excuse to throw back without taking responsibility for anything.

DBM: Do you see your marriage to be broken?

Adelaide: Yes

DBM: And, do you see you and your husband, devoted enough to want to resolve what could be broken?

Adelaide: I know I am

DBM: You have more influence in your marriage than you think

Image Credit: Alex Green

Let’s Talk To Eloise

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 76: Call me Eloise

DBM: Hello Eloise. How would you describe yourself?

Eloise: Married, mother and a banker. I have a kind heart.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Eloise: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Eloise: My husband wants me to get my tubes tied, meanwhile I am not done having children. We have just two boys, and I want a girl. We discussed children and how I feel about them when we were dating. He knows it is an emotional conversation for me due to the circumstances surrounding my upbringing. I want to have a large family of my own because I grew up as an only child. We are both in good financial standing to raise as many children we want; he knows how important it is for me to have a girlchild. He is being unreasonable, and so I have challenged him to go get a vasectomy instead, because I will not undergo tubal ligation at my age. This is not the best decision I want for me and my body.

DBM: How old are you?

Eloise: 34

DBM: And, for how long have you two been married?

Eloise: Five years

DBM: What did he say when you suggested he rather got snipped?

Eloise: He wouldn’t hear it

DBM: Why?

Eloise: He fears it would hinder his sex drive.

DBM: But I hear vasectomy only makes you infertile, and not impotent

Eloise: So, he can have erections and have sex and ejaculate, right?

DBM: Yes. He will still produce sperm. Just that it wouldn’t leave his body in the semen form.

Eloise: In as much as I love my husband, I will not tie my tubes for any man. What if he dies? And the man I marry next wants to have children with me? I will not risk it. He should get vasectomy to make him humble.

DBM: One of my best friends got her tubes tied after her ex-husband insisted, she did because they had had all their children in the marriage. The man got another woman pregnant before my friend even divorced him.

Eloise: Seriously?

DBM: Seriously! And the truth is, your fallopian tubes are not tied into some cute little crossbow during this procedure. Nope! It’s either part or all of your tubes are blocked, cut or removed.

Eloise: They say it can be reversed, right?

DBM: I don’t know. According to another friend who did it but later tried to undo it with surgery, it was next to impossible. This is what I can say from the two experiences of my friends; it is not always possible to have it reversed. And assuming they even manage to surgically undo it, it would not guarantee pregnancy. So, before agreeing to your husband’s demands, be sure you do not have any plans on having children.

Eloise: Thank you David, this is very helpful.

DBM: Again, I may be wrong.

Eloise: You are not wrong. The examples of your friends just made my point.

DBM: Does your husband want children?

Eloise: Of course. It’s every man’s dream

DBM: Not mine

Eloise: You don’t want children?

DBM: I love children, and I believe I am great with them but I am the type that never wanted to have one of my own, because I naturally don’t want people around me. Two is a lot of crowds for me. Anyways, back to my question: does your husband want children? Is it a conversation he willingly participated in and directly expressed interest in while dating, or you’re just assuming on him?

Eloise: I think he doesn’t mind a child of his own. He loves our boys from all indications.

DBM: Why do you want a girl?

Eloise: I will bond with a daughter better. I will understand her feelings. My dream is also to get the opportunity to dress her like the princess I know she would be. I didn’t get to experience a true relationship with my mother.

DBM: So, in other words, you want to re-do your childhood with your daughter?

Eloise: And more

DBM: And fix yourself and your traumas by starting afresh with a mini you, you mean?

Eloise: Something like that.

DBM: You don’t bond with your sons?

Eloise: I do, but it’s not the same. Secondly, my sons enrage me for no reason. I love them, but I wished for at least, one girl between the two. I want to leave this world knowing I left a better version of myself behind through a daughter.

DBM: You think a girl is more of value than a boy?

Eloise: I don’t think that. I just… I want to have a bouncing baby girl. That will make me very happy in my marriage.

DBM: How many kids did you two plan on having before agreeing to marriage?

Eloise: I told him four, but he wanted one

DBM: Why did he want one?

Eloise: He said he wanted to enjoy me and the marriage for the first three or four years before having kids.

DBM: When did you have your first son?

Eloise: Before our first wedding anniversary

DBM: What is your priority now?

Eloise: I don’t understand your question

DBM: What is the most important thing in your life right now?

Eloise: For now, it’s all about my children.

DBM: Where does your husband fit in your priorities?

Eloise: He is there somewhere important.

DBM: Why isn’t your marriage the first priority?

Eloise: Dave, marriage comes with a lot of responsibilities. Children are one of them

DBM: Are you not unconsciously dishonoring your commitment to your husband? You made vows to him on your wedding day, not to your children.

Eloise: I do my wifely duties. He will testify

DBM: What are your wifely duties?

Eloise: David Bondze-Mbir

DBM: Yes please

Eloise: My marriage is sorted. Let’s not go there

DBM: I will respect that. But let me say what I wanted to say; prioritizing your relationship with your husband is the best investment in your children. Your boys will one day grow up and leave the house to start with their own lives. Hopefully, by then, you would not be a stranger to your husband.

Eloise: I sleep and wake up next to my husband. We will never be strangers.

DBM: Okay! I am glad you feel you’re not losing your footing.

Eloise: Are you done?

DBM: I am done.

Image Credit: William Fortunato

Let’s Talk To Ida

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 75: My name is Ida

DBM: Hi Ida! How would you describe yourself?

Ida: I am a passionate, down-to-earth lady, with a husband, children and a past.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ida: I am 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ida: As a young girl, I dreamt of being swept off my feet by a powerful man with deep pockets and love for me. I lean more towards wealthy men by default, no matter how ugly. In fact, a man with good money could bed me, because I am a desirable woman. I’ve been married to one such guy for the past 12 years, and I have a stable family life right now – though I know he has had continuous sexual relationships on the side.

DBM: Does this bother you?

Ida: Not at all.

DBM: Okay!

Ida: When it comes to love, I make it my own. 13 years ago, I loved three different men for different reasons. I was not sleeping with any them because I had friend-zoned them in a way. The one I was very much in love with was struggling financially. Unfortunately, he was the one who proposed marriage to me first. The response I had in my head was an overwhelming ‘No’, but I couldn’t stand the thought of breaking his heart just like that, and so I asked for time to think into his proposal. Okay, so I had this best girlfriend that I grew up with. She knew about the ins and outs of my dating life. I knew about hers too with other men. She had always believed the guy who proposed marriage to me first was a good man, and could make the perfect husband. She knew about the other rich men I was crushing on, and deeply cared about or admired in some way; she liked them for me but still preferred the struggling guy. Nine months passed and I hadn’t given him any response. I was waiting to see if the other two would step up and propose. Dave, I was at work one afternoon when I received a wedding invitation from my best friend; she and the guy who proposed to me first had set a date.

DBM: They were dating?

Ida: Apparently, she had told the guy I had two rich men on the side

DBM: You had two rich men on the side

Ida: But it wasn’t her place to tell; especially after knowing how much I cared about him.

DBM: Were you ever going to consider his proposal?

Ida: Dave, men are supposed to be providers. A broke man has no business marrying. I am not saying he has to be super wealthy; though, that wouldn’t hurt. A man with good financial aptitude can function at a certain level as a husband to his wife. That was the reason why I couldn’t accept his proposal then. I needed him to add some value to his manhood. A woman’s intuition can navigate through a man’s financial drive

DBM: What was his drive?

Ida: It was very low on appetite. I needed more to feel secure. Dave, life then was tough enough for me, and I wasn’t sure I could support a grown man.

DBM: Was he a lazy guy?

Ida: He wasn’t. He was very hardworking, though in-between jobs

DBM: Okay!

Ida: I cut all ties between me and them when the guy confirmed their engagement. Luckily for me, one of the rich guys asked for my hand in marriage, and the rest they say is history. Three weeks ago, I received a LinkedIn request to connect with him. Mind you, I have not spoken to this guy nor his wife since 2011. He asked for my number and called. He said he needed my help and wanted us to meet face to face. I suggested he passed by my office. When he entered and closed the door behind him, he starred me down without breaking eye contact. I couldn’t look away either, though I was very nervous. He walked straight to me, asked for a hug, and then kissed me with a lot of tongue. Something about that kiss froze time. Dave, it was hot, passionate, unexpected, and has stayed with me since he left.

DBM: What kind of help did he want?

Ida: He needed help to sort out his feelings.

DBM: What feelings?

Ida: He says I never left him.

DBM: What does that mean?

Ida: I don’t know!

DBM: What work does he do now?

Ida: Oh, he’s doing very well – I am impressed. He earns almost twice the amount I make a month. Dave, I make pretty good money

DBM: Prior to the kiss, did you have feelings for him?

Ida: I did. I do.

DBM: I see

Ida: To the extent of thinking of him fucking me while having sex with my husband

DBM: You love him that much?

Ida: “You never left me.” That’s what he said.

DBM: Awww!

Ida: He has three adorable children with his wife, and I know they are very happy together – because I’ve been checking them out on their progress over the years on Facebook.

DBM: My guess is, he’s been doing same

Ida: You think?

DBM: I can only speak from my experience when it comes to love and how it connects weirdly. You would be there minding your business, and then this sudden energetic, meaningful warmth would flash your thoughts about your beloved. Something about them that puts a smile on your face or heart for no reason. A minute or two later, you receive a text notification on phone from them, thinking about or missing on you.

Ida: I have never experienced that with my husband. He calls randomly to tell me he misses or loves me. I respond but it’s usually just to make him happy. I don’t feel it as he does.

DBM: If the bond between you and the other guy is genuine, then there is this bridge you two built in the past that still connects your love, joy and understanding of each other. My guess is, you both had been sending positive energy back and forth to each other, prior to your physical and emotional bond (kiss) in your office.

Ida: I never stopped loving him. I never got over him, and I am looking forward to meeting with him again.

DBM: Are you planning on meeting again?

Ida: This weekend

DBM: I see

Ida: I don’t know what I am doing. Can your followers on Facebook help me think through this before Saturday?

DBM: Love comes and goes, Ida. Love changes over time too. I know about some loves that nourished or weakened. Others too completely vanished, only to come back again, later on, for another round.

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To True

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 74: True or False

DBM: True, Hello! How would you describe yourself?

True: A loving and concerned father who is not perfect, but trying to do the right things by my children the best way possible.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

True: 7 thereabouts

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

True: I want to talk about my oldest daughter. Because of the nature of the situation at hand, I prefer starting from where it all begun. When I met my wife, she already had this child. She was almost five years old when I married her mother. My wife’s first husband had died when the girl was just two years old. I showed up in their lives when she was four years of age, and I have played her father-figure since. She’s 22 years old now.

DBM: Were you a single-dad, divorced or widowed when you met her mother?

True: I was a single man with no child or ex/late wife.

DBM: Okay

True: I love my wife, but she came with the additional ‘burden’ of her child. Honestly, I wasn’t ready to be a father, but I graciously took on the responsibility of being there for her and her daughter; something I actually regret now

DBM: Why is that?

True: I found out later on that, she didn’t really love me. She is with me because I can provide her and the daughter with security. Dave, when you’re just an option to a single-mother in need of your support, that’s how it plays out.

DBM: How long did it take for her daughter to get used to the idea of you, as her daddy?

True: It took a while, but I think I am good with kids, and so we bonded somehow. She used to talk to me separately about everything, before going to her mother with the same information.

DBM: You really believe you meant nothing but an option to your wife?

True: I could never be her top priority in the relationship

DBM: But she had a daughter that had to come first. Most children I know would even wonder why their mothers are with different men, other than their biological fathers.

True: But the husband/father in question was dead

DBM: A mother or wife, putting her children first does not mean she doesn’t care about you. Truth is, most of these women put their kids before themselves. Does that also mean they do not care about their own selves?

True: I expected more from my wife.

DBM: I get you. Anyways, let’s get back to your story. What did your daughter do?

True: I had a lunch meeting with a client in one of the leading hotels in Accra, and I saw my daughter seated in the waiting area, sipping a drink, dressed like a ‘working girl’. An old Caucasian man approached her, talked to her for some time, and they got up to use the elevator to his room. I got up to them and asked where she was going with him. I asked her to leave the hotel and she refused, giving me attitude. I introduced myself to the man as her father, and she had the nerve to tell him I am not her father. I was angry, and so I said some unprintable words to her and she insulted me back. She embarrassed me in front of everyone, and left with the man to his room.

DBM: Why did you have to embarrass your daughter in that manner?

True: Me? Why are you blaming me for trying to stop my daughter from prostituting herself?

DBM: She is 22 years old, for crying out loud. Your responsibility as her father was to raise and educate her before sending her off to the world – which I believe you have done, no?

True: Yes, and still doing. A parent’s job is never-ending

DBM: You have done your part helping her to grow up to become an independent thinker. You need to trust in her ability to make the right decision.

True: Being a hooker is the right decision?

DBM: Did she tell you she’s a prostitute?

True: I witnessed what she was doing

DBM: Your daughter is a grown-ass woman, who knows what is right and wrong. People will do things we least expect of them. Children will make horrible, terrible mistakes that you the parent could have avoided. Such is life sometimes when we are dealing with people. Whatever your daughter is up to, actively contributes to her learning and education process. What didn’t you do at her age?

True: Does that mean I can’t correct her when she’s heading in the wrong direction?

DBM: Your job as her father is not necessarily to protect her from herself and her mistakes. Children have needs and desires, which you and her mother ought to be anticipating. Be her parent when she asks or needs you to be. Be there for her to deal with disappointments when she needs you. Till then, pray for her to become a responsible adult and just let her be

True: You are just like her mother, always taking the side of her daughter. This has made her turn against me in the house. She’s very disrespectful because she knows her mother will support her.

DBM: I am not taking sides. I am just stating the obvious. Again, it’s your house; if she’s rude towards you, kick her the hell out. It’s as simple as that! You cannot be living under my roof and be giving me attitude.

True: My biggest fear is her influence on my other children. I have two boys and two girls with her mother. The younger ladies all look up to her. Imagine them finding out she’s been sleeping with older men to make money?

DBM: Are you in any way, feeling lost or having self-doubt about how you’re doing as their father?

True: Of course not!

DBM: Then, there is nothing to worry about. We’ve all grown and developed our own identities, standards and beliefs that conflicts with those of our parents. It doesn’t make us bad human beings if our different values lead to tension and disagreements.

Image Credit: JD Bond

POPULAR

Contact Us

  • maildmbir@gmail.com

Copyright 2022 David B - All Rights Reserved | Design: Javanet Systems