Let’s Talk To Emmett

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 139: Emmett

DBM: Hello Emmett. How would you describe yourself?

Emmett: Competent

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Emmett: 4

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Emmett: I did not show up at my own wedding. I hadn’t planned to do this but it happened, and a part of me till this day regret what I did to my woman and her family. Even my own family. It’s been 10 months since it happened and I want to get married to my fiancée all over again. I made a bad call and have apologized to her, but her family is not willing to let go.

DBM: Your fiancée has forgiven you?

Emmett: Not really but she’s admitted to still being in love with me

DBM: Why did you not show at your wedding?

Emmett: It’s a long story

DBM: I have time

Emmett: She had dated my cousin prior to us meeting. I found out about it the morning of our wedding. My cousin’s girlfriend had come across a conversation between them and it seemed like my cousin still is into her. She sent me screenshots and I blew the whole issue out of proportion. I should have confronted my woman but … Also, I considered going ahead with the wedding and then, divorcing her the next day or just sticking it out. But I couldn’t control my anger and tears. I asked my Best Man on our way to the church to pull over just so I could cry. I couldn’t go ahead with the wedding

DBM: Has she any feelings for your cousin?

Emmett: No

DBM: Why didn’t she tell you about him?

Emmett: She didn’t know we were related until a few days to our wedding

DBM: Do you know why they broke up?

Emmett: He had gotten a different woman pregnant

DBM: Do you trust your girlfriend?

Emmett: Yes

DBM: How do you understand love?

Emmett: Not putting expectations on the one I care about dearly. Not assuming I know all there is to her. Not trying to change her into someone she’s not.

DBM: What was your relationship with her like?

Emmett: It was good, peaceful, committed, with a lot of compromise. We used to forgive each other freely. There was a lot of fun and laughter and happiness. We both made the effort. The feeling was great, energized and motivated by pure intentions. We had sex three times a week, and that made me very happy

DBM: What was your state of mind like, when you asked her to marry you?

Emmett: We had talked about settling down in marriage. We were excited about it and looking forward to making our relationship official. I was in a good place with us and myself, most importantly, when I proposed. I experienced what it meant to be a happy man because of her

DBM: How would you describe her character?

Emmett: She’s a better human being than I am

DBM: Have you spoken to your cousin?

Emmett: I have

DBM: What did he say?

Emmett: He explained why my woman ended things between them

DBM: He’s still into her?

Emmett: Yes

DBM: How does this make you feel?

Emmett: He told me, ‘May the better man win her over again’

DBM: Meaning?

Emmett: He’s broken up with his girlfriend to chase after my woman

DBM: Your family, how did they react to your decision?

Emmett: I don’t know how they feel about what happened but my mother still wants me to marry my woman. She believes she’s the one meant for me

DBM: Is she?

Emmett: She’s the woman for me, and the best relationship I’ve ever had. And it’s not because I want her for myself; what we share is about something way bigger; a beautiful life we can create together. Any man to be loved by her should count themselves, lucky

DBM: How did she react after what you did?

Emmett: She did not talk to me for weeks

DBM: Do you understand why her family wants nothing to do with you?

Emmett: Yes, but I will keep apologizing to them till they find it in themselves to forgive me

DBM: How did you two first meet?

Emmett: I met her in court. She had accompanied my client, her friend to her divorce proceeding. The client introduced us after her divorce hearing, and I think was trying to hook me up with her.

DBM: You’re a lawyer?

Emmett: I am

DBM: Can I ask a question or two, unrelated to our chat?

Emmett: Yes

DBM: Do most divorcing clients opt for your services with the intention of keeping their divorce proceedings cordial?

Emmett: Majority of my clients do hope for an amicable process with their spouse. But a large percentage of them come to me tremendously hurt at heart and emotionally triggered. I offer two approaches when it comes to the termination of a marriage, and the client achieving his or her expected results: the HARD way or the EASY way

DBM: To what extent are you willing to go to keep your client satisfied?

Emmett: Clients hire me specifically to do a job. I am therefore, required to legally and ethically do my job to the best of my ability – with just one goal in mind, accomplishing the expectations entrusted by the client.

DBM: If you’re to advise anyone considering a divorce, what would you say to them?

Emmett: What you are considering may be entirely different from what you’d eventually decide to do. Understand the divorce process by talking to people who have been through it; read online to have an idea about it. You need to have money saved to embark on this journey. Be mindful of what you say to the people around you. If you have children, know it’s going to impact them one way or the other. Be certain there is no love left in you for the other party. Divorce is just another phase of life. Life goes on, and you can love again afterwards. Just be patient and kind with yourself. Be interested in knowing how your attorney thinks, be interested in their behavior. You can choose to like or not, your attorney. But you have to trust and be confident in their services.

DBM: Participant 138, Hera, left a question for you: ‘You are being given the chance to make your one wish come true, what would it be?’

Emmett: To marry my fiancée and make peace with her family. She did nothing wrong. I made the decision not to wed because I wasn’t ready to forgive or know the truth. That also made me realize I wasn’t ready to be a husband.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Emmett: Has something ever started out badly for you but in the end, was great?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Dellon Thomas

Let’s Talk To Hera

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 138: Hera

DBM: Hi Hera. How would you describe yourself?

Hera: Troubled wife

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Hera: Six

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Hera: My husband is excited about something that is obviously, pissing me off. And he’s acting as if he doesn’t see that I’m against his decision. He wants to leave his job to start a pig farm. He has a stable income, which combined with mine supports our household. But he wants to drop all that to farm pigs. Is this not a risky move?

DBM: Why does he want to go into farming?

Hera: He was raised in a farming family. I get all that, but does that mean he has to be a farm-boy? My husband holds an MSc in Finance and Financial Analytics and ACCA certification. We have two children in High School. Why isn’t he considering all that before quitting his job? Is this some mid-life crises men go through?

DBM: He’s just passionate about his love for farming. It has nothing to do with mid-life crises

Hera: We have a lot of financial commitments and responsibilities in our household. How about that?

DBM: You think he’s not thought through all that?

Hera: He clearly has not. I’m trying so hard not to get angry at him but he’s not making it easier. He was drafting his resignation letter some days ago. He is not ready to listen to my point of view.

DBM: A man’s dream is what would sometimes inspire him to wake up one morning to resign from his job, in order to push what he believes in. At the moment, you’re choosing to see only the negatives in his decision but he sees otherwise. He sees something positive in the negative decision he’s about taking at work.

Hera: I am his wife; what if I do not want him to quit his day job?

DBM: Does he enjoy his current job?

Hera: It pays the bills and keeps the home running and comfy

DBM: That wasn’t my question

Hera: He’s complained a few times in the past while in bed that his job makes him miserable, but he’s not a miserable man, Dave. Life is good

DBM: Are you okay being the one person in his life to be responsible for ‘killing’ his dream?

Hera: Pig farming is not a dream. It’s a hobby.

DBM: What do you do for a living?

Hera: I’m a Marketing Executive

DBM: What’s your take on entrepreneurship?

Hera: It’s not for me

DBM: I can respect that.

Hera: How do I talk sense into my husband?

DBM: Find out if he’s appropriately prepared and planned for himself and the family, before resigning from his job

Hera: I can answer that, he has not.

DBM: That is per your perspective. Maybe he has built or in the process of building a proper structure and system to fund his journey

Hera: Bra David, he has not. His plan is to depend on me to take up his responsibilities at home while he chases after his dream. What if the dream fails, then what?

DBM: Has he enough savings to fall back on?

Hera: We have something but that’s what he’s considering to use to start his project. I can foresee the end from the beginning

DBM: You’ve already cast his pursuit in a negative light. It’s discouraging

Hera: I can’t afford to suffer with my children at my age

DBM: There is a lot to love about pig farming. I used to help my dad on his pig farm, though I hated every bit of that experience. He’s an Economist by profession, and just like your husband, quit his job to go into full-time farming because that was what he was passionate about.

Hera: This marriage thing is not easy

DBM: Nothing in life is easy. It often takes four to five years for entrepreneurs to build a flourishing, maintainable business. It just doesn’t happen at a go

Hera: 4 to 5 years of hardship I cannot do. That’s what I’m trying to say

DBM: Talk to your husband

Hera: He does whatever he’s convinced to do

DBM: Has he any mentors in the farming business to shadow?

Hera: No

DBM: So, for you, everything is, no?

Hera: Because it’s a no.

DBM: How much money has he in the bank?

Hera: Close to 400, 000

DBM: Cedis?

Hera: Yes

DBM: Is this the savings you were talking about?

Hera: Part of it

DBM: Pig farming is capital intensive

Hera: That’s why I’m saying he’s going to fail at it because he lacks the capital.

DBM: How about suggesting to him to start a small-scale farming of the pigs as a side hustle, while he still has a job – to test the ground?

Hera: He is the type who wants to be present on the field to monitor everything. He finds it difficult trusting people. He would want to be on the farm himself

DBM: I am actually talking about a backyard something; small, convenient for him to take his time early mornings and evenings, or weekends to attend to

Hera: You know what pisses me off?

DBM: What?

Hera: He gets to have an affair in addition to all the problems he’s creating for our family

DBM: Let’s stick to the initial conversation, please!

Hera: I’m frustrated

DBM: I can feel that. Actually, come to think of it, you can kill two birds with a stone

Hera: How?

DBM: Allow your husband to be engaged in a different kind of ‘affair’, the pig farm. Encourage him to go after his dream on the side while he still works his day job. Motivate him to have a small-scale pig farm, either at home or somewhere else close by and fake your support in his dream. I see his fulltime job as his ‘marriage’ at this moment. Help him not to put your family at risk by encouraging a backyard affair. Are you understanding me?

Hera: I am

DBM: Be smart about it and protect your territory. Imaging serving yourself Fufu and groundnut soup with pork from your own backyard farm?

Hera: I will think about it.

DBM: I know friends who made similar mistakes, they quit their jobs before starting their dream businesses, and are regretting. Especially, those who were married and had children. It wasn’t easy for them. I’d rather start on a small scale while I still have a paying job to see whether or not the dream is viable and I can confidently persevere and enjoy while doing it as a full-time gig.

Hera: I agree.

DBM: Participant 137, Rhett, left a question for you: ‘Does everything in your life happen for a reason or you just find reasons after these things have happened?’

Hera: I believe everything happens for a reason. Well, with the exception of my husband quitting his damn job to go into pig farming. There is always something to gain from an experience. I’ve seen myself through painful and difficult situations that taught me very unpleasant lessons, but they were teachable moments, nonetheless. One door close, and there is a window somewhere else to throw me some light, no matter how small. I can survive anything while living for the moment.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Hera: You are being given the chance to make your one wish come true, what would it be?

Image Credit: Pew Nguyen

Let’s Talk To Rhett

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 137: Rhett representing

DBM: Hello Rhett. How would you describe yourself?

Rhett: Determined, well groomed, not proud, work-out a lot and always wanting to get better

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Rhett: 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Rhett: I’ve been out of work for the past two years. I’m still putting in lots of applications. I want to get married to my girlfriend this year but her dad disapproves of me because I am unemployed. My woman is the most special lady, and she completes me in every sense. She believes in me and has been patient with me. She also wants to get married but her dad isn’t being encouraging.

DBM: How long have you been dating?

Rhett: Over two years

DBM: What does she do for a living?

Rhett: She’s an Administrative Assistant

DBM: How old are you?

Rhett: 35

DBM: How old is she?

Rhett: 28

DBM: Why do you want to get married now?

Rhett: Marriage wasn’t part of my plans. I was usually with girls for the fun and short-lived affairs. I was dating and sleeping around a lot because I am my own exit strategy, but my woman changed all that when I fell in love with her. I want to settle down and experience what love feels like

DBM: Why were you sleeping around?

Rhett: Dave, men aren’t valued the same on the sexual marketplace. I wasn’t stable because I needed to know the different feedbacks from the ladies

DBM: You want to marry because you’re in love; is that what you’re saying?

Rhett: Precisely

DBM: That is the only reason?

Rhett: Well, loneliness sucks. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. My cousin, at the age of 59 was single and had no children. When he fell critically ill, he had no one by his side. He died a lonely death. I don’t want that for me

DBM: What you shouldn’t want for you is settling down in marriage because you’re tired of being alone.

Rhett: I’m only keeping it real here

DBM: Are you a happy man when you’re on your own?

Rhett: Nah, that’s why I want to do the right thing by getting married to the one woman who makes me very happy

DBM: Do you make your woman happy?

Rhett: I do

DBM: How do you do that?

Rhett: We have a lot of fun together. We also talk a lot too

DBM: Do you see yourself being happy without your woman?

Rhett: No

DBM: So, your happiness right now is determined by your relationship with your lady, and not because you know and value own yourself?

Rhett: She brings the best in me

DBM: Okay!

Rhett: I was happy when I was wild those years, but I am my happiest right this moment because I’m loved

DBM: Let’s fast forward to you getting married while being unemployed, how do you intend contributing to running your household?

Rhett: Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that. I fear dragging her down into the financial quagmire that I may encounter if I don’t get myself a job.

DBM: A friend’s wife left him for another man because he couldn’t pull his weight financially at home. And, my friend wasn’t even unemployed, he had a job; he just wasn’t earning much

Rhett: My woman is not earning that much

DBM: And most women wouldn’t be that comfortable with their men living off their paycheck for the long term.

Rhett: I want to marry her because she’s nine weeks pregnant

DBM: I wish in your responses, you had rather said, you’d want to marry her because you love who she is as a person. And that, she makes you laugh a lot and also, shares in your interests, etc.

Rhett: Yeah, and all that

DBM: I’m concerned. You don’t have a steady job, there is a baby on the way and you want to get married… Love does not pay the bills

Rhett: You sound like my father-in-law

DBM: You don’t have a father-in-law, you have a girlfriend’s father

Rhett: Still close

DBM: Smh!

Rhett: But it can be depressing

DBM: I can only imagine

Rhett: She’s been patient and my support every step of the way.

DBM: I pray you find a job sooner than later, because it can be exhausting for the women. Especially now that there is a child on the way, I hope situations doesn’t end up forcing her to become the involuntary breadwinner, struggling so hard to care for everyone and everything else in your household with one lone paycheck.

Rhett: Men do it all the time, and are expected to be strong and not complain nor cry. We are expected to ‘shush’ and forever be in control. A woman can also choose to be her man’s savior when he needs her to be.

DBM: I concur, and some ladies are doing just that

Rhett: Yeah! I’m only worried about her father’s negative influence on her after finding out about my employment status

DBM: Does he know his daughter is expecting a baby?

Rhett: We were to inform them the day we visited but the man turned the entire conversation to unemployment. He ruined everything for me

DBM: Do you know why I kept asking if you were happy with yourself?

Rhett: Why?

DBM: Because if you genuinely were, a conversation around unemployment wouldn’t have negatively affected you that way.

Rhett: That’s because you’re not in my shoes

DBM: Can I try to put myself in your shoes and address you the way I would have me?

Rhett: You can try but it wouldn’t mean anything though

DBM: As a man, I can confidently say I am very happy with who I am now. I love my girlfriend; I love the fact that we have a baby on the way. I am excited about getting married to the woman who makes me so happy. I love my future in-laws, even though my father-in-law, on some level is fucked up. I may be unemployed now, but the celebration of my current state is part of my reality, my truth. I might be in denial to some people, but I have chosen to be a happy man, thus, celebrating how far I have come – even if my in-laws disapprove of me, and I keep being rejected, interview after job interview, and I’m furious most of the time because I feel stagnant. This is me, all this… all that.

Rhett: Hmmm! I like that.

DBM: I understand it’s not easy, trust me. That is why I don’t live up to all those sharp and exaggerated concepts of masculinity encouraged on social media and by some men.

Rhett: Yeah!

DBM: Participant 136, Mamle, left a question for you: ‘How do you live your life on a daily basis: Do you prefer planning every detail in advance or you’re the spontaneous type?’

Rhett: Planning ahead gives me the basic outline for my day. I’m able to make good use of my time of day, and that adds value to my life.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Rhett: Does everything in your life happen for a reason or you just find reasons after these things have happened?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko

Let’s Talk To Mamle

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 136: Mamle

DBM: Hi Mamle. How would you describe yourself?

Mamle: Radiant, scrumptious, gorgeous, fun to be with, hardworking, troublesome, peaceful, friendly and very active

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Mamle: 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Mamle: My boyfriend is on my case as we speak to agree to his request of recording us while having sex. I am not comfortable with it; I have made it known to him but he keeps giving me pressure.

DBM: Have you asked his reasons for such a request?

Mamle: He says our sex life is something he thinks about a lot because he cherishes it, and so, having it videoed for him to be watching it every now and then would add to the beauty of it. It’s a recording he claims would be viewed by just the two of us.

DBM: Would you want to have such a footage of yourself on phone?

Mamle: Never

DBM: So, tell him that

Mamle: I have, but he keeps bringing it up. He’s been sending me recordings of him masturbating, etc.

DBM: What do you do with such videos?

Mamle: I watch them, and keep it on my phone.

DBM: Why?

Mamle: It turns me on sometimes

DBM: And, you give him such feedback?

Mamle: I do. It excites me in so many ways. And these random moments are build-ups to us meeting and having sex on the regular. I appreciate it when he sends me videos of himself doing things. I don’t ask for them, he sends them my way voluntarily

DBM: Have you also captured yourself on camera doing things for him?

Mamle: No. I don’t trust the internet

DBM: Imagine your sex tape with him becoming available publicly?

Mamle: That is what I cannot imagine.

DBM: How long have you two been together?

Mamle: 4 years

DBM: What is the end goal?

Mamle: To make a lifetime commitment together

DBM: In marriage?

Mamle: Yes

DBM: How old are you?

Mamle: 33

DBM: Him?

Mamle: 36

DBM: What’s his profession?

Mamle: He’s an Accountant

DBM: You?

Mamle: A nurse

DBM: I see

Mamle: A part of me wants to give in because it’s something that I know would make him very happy

DBM: Why is a part of him not willing to respect your discomfort?

Mamle: I also don’t understand

DBM: I know a lot of women who couldn’t overcome the temptation of compromising themselves, all because a reward of love was put on the table. Question is, is he worth risking the unknown?

Mamle: I love him and he loves me too

DBM: Do you trust him?

Mamle: I do

DBM: How do you measure your trust in/for him?

Mamle: I don’t understand the question

DBM: Let’s assume your relationship suddenly ends on a bad note, would your mind be at peace knowing he’s got your nudes and videos on his phone – and that, you trust it wouldn’t be all over the internet?

Mamle: No

DBM: Okay!

Mamle: But how about we record it, and then delete it a few days after watching it?

DBM: How about you film it alright, but then his phone or yours gets stolen the next morning?

Mamle: Hmmm!

DBM: The lust I know in men knows no boundaries

Mamle: He will be cautious; I know my boyfriend

DBM: Good luck with that

Mamle: He’s not the type of guy to be making unnecessary demands of me. This is his first serious request and I don’t want him to feel like I don’t trust or denying him. Moreover, you are the same people always preaching compromise in relationships on your platforms. Isn’t it the same?

DBM: I believe in compromising, but to some extent. I will not compromise too much to the extent of losing myself. It’s never okay to overcompensate, simply because it makes the other person happy.

Mamle: I understand

DBM: Do you feel like already, you’re giving away more than you should of yourself – all in the name of love?

Mamle: I don’t know

DBM: If you’ve ever been cautioned intuitively about certain things you’re doing in the relationship, simply because it’s what your boyfriend wants or is pleased with; if deep down it feels like a red flag to you, then please don’t be sweeping it under the carpet that easily

Mamle: I’ve heard you. Dave, my second problem is, I do not know for sure if he’s going to marry me.

DBM: Have you brought the marriage conversation up with him?

Mamle: Many times

DBM: And?

Mamle: He is not ready to get married

DBM: Are you?

Mamle: I’ve been ready for a long time

DBM: Why is he not ready?

Mamle: I don’t know. He says he will marry me at the right time

DBM: How do you know you’re ready to marry your boyfriend?

Mamle: I love him, and I don’t want to remain single for so long

DBM: But you’re not single

Mamle: I’m unmarried, so still single

DBM: I see. Has he a timeline he’s working with to marry you?

Mamle: Not that I know of

DBM: So, sit him down and create a time-table that would work for the both of you.

Mamle: Would that not be putting pressure on him?

DBM: It’s all about coming to a compromise to plan your future with him. It’s not about you insisting, but discussing the next step within a favorable time-frame together

Mamle: And what if he’s still indecisive about marriage?

DBM: There was a point in my life, I could genuinely love someone, but at the same time desire and want something totally different – that did not include the one person I loved in the picture. I can be in love with you, and still not be the best choice of a spouse for you. You know that, no?

Mamle: He’s all I know

DBM: There’s more to know

Mamle: Hmmm!

DBM: Participant 135, Chibueze, left a question for you: ‘If you had to be in a long-term relationship for two years without your spouse’s physical presence, would you remain faithful?’

Mamle: This is a hard one. Distance can impact my emotional connection with someone I love. It can make me feel neglected, even though we might be communicating on phone. And if the neglected me is to meet someone close-by I connect with, it will eventually start to feel like I have someone in my life. My intention may not be to have an affair but I may end up having an affair.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Mamle: How do you live your life on a daily basis: Do you prefer planning every detail in advance or you’re the spontaneous type?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Letticia Massari

Let’s Talk To Chibueze

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 135: Chibueze

DBM: Hello Chibueze. How would you describe yourself?

Chibueze: Married but single

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Chibueze: A good 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Chibueze: We had been married for 10 years when my husband decided to leave me and the children. It happened quite suddenly, and he had made it clear to his parents, uncles and mine that there was no guarantee that he would return to me. To me, and the rest of the world I had the ‘perfect’ marriage, that when my husband told me he had fallen out of love with me – there were no warning signs with the size of a billboard clearly perceptible from a distance that rainy afternoon. It took me by surprise, Dave. In fact, he was the one always busy with work and life and had taken me and the children for granted.

DBM: Do you work?

Chibueze: I am an Associate Professor

DBM: Okay!

Chibueze: I will not downplay his responsibilities towards the children; he’s been providing for their every need. He was just not home enough to spend time with them. I, on the other hand wasn’t his priority after our 5th year in marriage. I realized it, and before coming to terms with it, was the spouse doing almost all of the giving, pleasing and compromising without getting anything back. On our 8th year of marriage, my well ultimately run dry and couldn’t put in as much effort to make our marriage what it used to be. My focus now was on my children and my own needs.

DBM: I can understand you. It’s very easy to see checkmate when I am not the one playing the game.

Chibueze: You play chess?

DBM: I have a fair idea of the game

Chibueze: Okay! And you’re right. I got scared of failing my children, that was why I made the decision to commit every breathing second of the past years immersed with my husband, even though he wasn’t showing any enthusiasm on his part to make our relationship a priority. I wanted him to want our marriage so bad that I actually forgot how to even love myself. He would only pretend to care about me when he wanted sex. My nine-year old daughter once said to me, ‘Mummy, I know daddy loves me and Joshua, but I don’t think he loves you like the way he loves us.’

DBM: Oh mine!

Chibueze: Yes, even my first child had noticed the friendship between her parents was gone

DBM: Or perhaps, was never even there to begin with?

Chibueze: Uhm, it was there in the beginning

DBM: Okay!

Chibueze: Or maybe not. You can never tell these things accurately. Dave, I held on for so long with the hope of him coming to his senses but he left the house for work, two years ago, and never returned to us. The children made me aware he was visiting them at school and would sometimes, take them along for the weekends and holidays. It was also through the children that I got to find out he was living with another lady, and that, they had a baby sister.

DBM: Hmmm! A friend of mine went through a similar ordeal. This is actually very familiar to me

Chibueze: How did she manage?

DBM: Oh, she’s doing way better in life now as a single mother than she was as a married woman. Sometimes, it’s just not worth it to be holding on to foolishness for foolishness’ sake

Chibueze: My husband wants to come back

DBM: Come back to what?

Chibueze: Me and the children

DBM: What did you do after finding out he has a child with another woman?

Chibueze: Nothing. Unfortunately, I had checked out of the whole being attentive to, and involved with him phase.

DBM: When I’m offering my very best and it’s still not enough, then you’re the wrong person I’m probably giving my all to.

Chibueze: That was the point I reached.

DBM: I’m interested in what’s actually changed for him

Chibueze: I haven’t asked. His family went to my family to plead on his behalf

DBM: What did his family do when they found out he’s moved in with another woman?

Chibueze: I didn’t tell them anything

DBM: But they knew, no?

Chibueze: They probably did

DBM: Do you want him back?

Chibueze: I started to chat with a guy last year and he’s expressed interest in me. I like him. I think I’m falling in love with him

DBM: What are you going to do?

Chibueze: I’ve been speaking with my lawyer and he thinks I can walk away from the marriage. My only concern is with the children. They didn’t ask for all this

DBM:  Will the kids have to change schools if you divorce?

Chibueze: Not really. No!

DBM: Will their relationship with you and their father be affected in any way?

Chibueze: No!

DBM: Can you and your husband be pleasant and accommodating when it comes to transitioning into the role of co-parenting?

Chibueze: Yes. The kids’ best interest will be at the front of every decision we’d take

DBM: Your children will be fine.

Chibueze: Hmmm!

DBM: Participant 134, Quinton, left a question for you: ‘Where lies your belief, God, luck or numerology?’

Chibueze: My personal belief is in God. Of course, I’ve also had doubts about His existence, but when I think of all the things/mysteries I’ve come to intuitively know and understand, which ordinarily, should be beyond my logical reasoning, my hope in things to come – which never seems to die, the extent at which my heart can love, there can only be a living God behind it all. I don’t think God is a math equation to be solved. God cannot be as a result of a conducted test. I just choose to have so much respect for God.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Chibueze: If you had to be in a long-term relationship for two years without your spouse’s physical presence, would you remain faithful?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Valdans Media

Let’s Talk To Quinton

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 134: It’s Quinton

DBM: Hi Quinton. How would you describe yourself?

Quinton: I know when to step in, take over or encourage.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Quinton: 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Quinton: Her phone rang under the bench next to the neem tree. It might have fallen from her bag. It rang the second time before I could locate it and answer. She was at the saloon, calling with her hairdresser’s phone. I answered and could hear her sigh heavily. I told her where I had found her phone and she explained she was there 35 minutes prior to read, eat and meditate. She wanted to come back for it but I asked for the location to the saloon, since she didn’t drive. When I first saw her, she just another girl, nice face though but just another nice face. I gave the phone to her and she wouldn’t stop thanking me. She mentioned her name; again, just another nice name. I went back to my car and she walked towards me, ‘boss, I didn’t get your name’, she asked. She did not get my name because I didn’t mention it. I told her my name, and she speculated aloud, why I hadn’t asked for her phone number yet. I laughed, she smiled and there it was – something peculiar, her smile. The smile got me hooked. I wasn’t in a hurry to leave for a meeting anymore.

DBM: Hehehe. I love to see people wear their smiles too

Quinton: We started talking and before I realized, I was in the saloon waiting for her hair to be fixed. Before I realized, I was paying for her beautiful hairstyle. Before I realized, I was taking her out to eat. Before I realized, I was driving her home. Before I realized, I was extending my right had to shake hers. Before I realized, she was hugging me. Before I realized, I had walked her to her door. Before I realized, I was kissing her passionately.

DBM: All this in a day?

Quinton: All of that in six hours.

DBM: At this point, I mean, after the first kiss, what was going through your mind?

Quinton: Do you believe love can be found in six hours?

DBM: Yes

Quinton: Are you sure?

DBM: I am very sure

Quinton: Great, because I instantly knew I had found the woman I could marry

DBM: You mind me asking how you knew?

Quinton: I felt an instant connection to her. I rescheduled an important meeting just to spend time with her at the saloon. That was so un-like me. I hadn’t felt anything so strong like that before. It was a good feeling that engulfed me that day

DBM: All because of her smile?

Quinton: That is what a good smile can do

DBM: What did you talk about when you took her out to eat that day?

Quinton: We talked about ourselves, families, dreams and aspirations – and with every passing minute, I slowly witnessed something extraordinarily true, large and amazing unfolding right before my eyes with every word she spoke.

DBM: How old were you?

Quinton: 36

DBM: How old was she?

Quinton: 35

DBM: Oh, nice! And, how long have you two been together?

Quinton: We’ve been married for 8 years. We dated for a year.

DBM: Kids?

Quinton: We have a son

DBM: How is marriage life?

Quinton: It’s an interesting journey to embark on. I always thought my wife was perfect till I realized she had flaws too. Whenever she does something to get on my nerves, I look back at the 90% good in her to teach my temper how not to shout. She’s not mean nor petty. She doesn’t number all of my wrongs to remind me of them; She gives me my space; I allow her hers. Respect is mutual, the friendship is tight, the love is deep. There is always that new window into our lives because we try doing things differently, to see the other sides to us. Sex is magnificent. There is something special about my wife that I am always attracted to every day, and she feels the same way about me too.

DBM: Have you cheated on your wife before?

Quinton: I found myself in an emotional entanglement 4 years ago with my Personal Assistant. It wasn’t a physical pursuit, but emotionally, it was something deep.

DBM: You loved her?

Quinton: I liked her

DBM: Do you like your wife?

Quinton: I like my wife

DBM: Is the ‘affair’ still ongoing or it ended?

Quinton: I had to end it

DBM: Why?

Quinton: Somehow, my wife suspected I could be having an affair, so she confronted me about it. I felt very embarrassed she found out her husband could be an unfaithful man.

DBM: Well… At least, you weren’t physical with the other woman, no?

Quinton: Cheating emotionally can be just as destructive to my marriage as a physical affair would.

DBM: True. How did your PA suddenly become something else on your mind?

Quinton: It started innocently, actually. We work together most of the time during the week. We see each other a lot in a work at the office. Work relationship turned to friendship and she began confiding in me about her personal life. I don’t know how it happened but I started sharing my personal thoughts and plans with her too. As the days went by, the level of familiarity between us augmented. I didn’t see it escalating into something else till my wife asked me if I was seeing another woman.

DBM: What was your response to her question?

Quinton: I told her I could be falling in love with another woman.

DBM: What was her reaction?

Quinton: She asked me to put a stop to it because it would hurt her feelings, and that, she may not be able to come back to what we have should I go ahead and cheat.

DBM: What’s your wife’s profession?

Quinton: She’s a teacher

DBM: Did you put an end to it?

Quinton: I did. It’s not been my style to hurt my wife’s feelings. She means the world to me

DBM: Participant 133, Leroy, left a question for you: ‘You own a crystal ball that could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your past, present, the future and anything else. What would you want to know?’

Quinton: My past with women was not pleasant. I could fake a serious degree of romantic interests just to get laid. I knew how to become the answer to a woman’s prayer, and then, leave them broken afterwards. This is a part of me I am no longer proud of. What I would want to know is, how my wife has become the woman I run to when I am not happy, the person I trust to open up to about anything… The woman who made me believe in love again.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Quinton: Where lies your belief, God, luck or numerology?

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Leroy

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 133: Leroy

DBM: Hello Leroy. How would you describe yourself?

Leroy: Proactive and ambitious in life

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Leroy: 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Leroy: I recently found out that my wife consumes a lot of porn. The first time I saw it, I didn’t think of making an issue out of it. But I am beginning to feel bothered by it after seeing it on her phone again. From the little I saw, she prefers a certain type of man, because her browsing history had specific searching, tall, well-built black hunks. I am not that so what does that mean?

DBM: How often do you have open conversations about sex with your wife?

Leroy: Not often

DBM: What do you truly feel about her watching porn?

Leroy: I think it’s a form of cheating

DBM: Okay?

Leroy: And it makes me a little uncomfortable and jealous

DBM: Would you be okay to watch it together if she’s to invite you to it?

Leroy: Why would I do that?

DBM: I have a friend who finds it stimulating to watch pornography with his wife, to the extent of even considering it a vital aspect of their foreplay.

Leroy: No

DBM: How important is your intimate life with wifey?

Leroy: Very important

DBM: So, the sex talk does happen between you two?

Leroy: When I’m frustrated and tired of not getting her to see things from my perspective

DBM: Do you know what your wife likes in bed?

Leroy: I think so

DBM: You give her exactly what she wants during sex?

Leroy: I try. I mean, I can’t read her mind to know everything

DBM: Have you confronted your wife after finding this out?

Leroy: No. It annoys me to bring the conversation up

DBM: Why does it annoy you?

Leroy: It just does. And it makes me not feel valued

DBM: Ask her why she watches porn

Leroy: Hmmm!

DBM: You used to watch porn yourself, no?

Leroy: Yes, but I stopped a long time ago

DBM: Why did you stop?

Leroy: I had my wife to satisfy me

DBM: Why were you watching porn those times?

Leroy: Dave, I like sex, and I like watching attractive women have sex. It’s a turn on for me

DBM: Do you think you’re good enough in bed?

Leroy: I am. The women praise my abilities

DBM: Including your wife?

Leroy: Sometimes

DBM: But which woman has categorically told you she’s pleased by the things you do to her during sex?

Leroy: I have this friend I mess around with. She’s excited about whatever I can do in bed with her and I am completely taken by her excitement.

DBM: When was the last time she gave such feedback of feeling pleased?

Leroy: Just last week

DBM: She’s married?

Leroy: No

DBM: Oh, okay! I’m guessing after every session, you leave her some money etc.

Leroy: I’m taking care of her needs basically, and I like her because she appreciates me.

DBM: Your wife doesn’t?

Leroy: Not to the level I am experiencing right now

DBM: What is the current state of your relationship with your wife?

Leroy: I think she’s damaging the connection and emotional intimacy between us with her porn delight. I’m gradually pulling away from her and may ultimately, uncouple from our sex life.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Leroy: 9 years

DBM: How often do you have sex with your wife?

Leroy: Not often

DBM: Explain

Leroy: She’s not willing to try different things with me, but I’m not complaining. This other lady I’m talking about gives me breakfast and quickies after feeding me. I feel like a man when I hold her

DBM: Was that the reason why you had to resort to the other woman?

Leroy: Partly

DBM: Explain your need for sex?

Leroy: Dave, it’s just like my cravings for food

DBM: You think you can die without having sex?

Leroy: Lol! I know what you’re trying to do

DBM: Smh! What kind of mindset do you have when you think about sex?

Leroy: I don’t understand the question

DBM: For example, I have a growth mindset about sex, because I believe sex changes with time. Just like our traditions, they keep evolving with time. So, how I choose to create a memorable experience with my body, with a loved one, in a defined setting or atmosphere is what I choose to call my unique experience, which I am pleased with.

Leroy: I agree

DBM: So, what is your mindset like?

Leroy: Yeah, I’m open to giving it and being received. I try new stuff all the time and it spices things up

DBM: Do you create these new experiences with your wife during sex or you pay it forward to her after being with the other lady?

Leroy: My wife can be very boring

DBM: Meaning?

Leroy: No initiative from her part. But with this other girl, I am able to last longer in bed

DBM: Are you one of those guys immixing longer sex with better sex?

Leroy: Sometimes, it is. Going the long distance can be steamy

DBM: And marathonic

Leroy: Not to me. My wife always wants me to stop after the first 10 minutes

DBM: Why?

Leroy: She says I keep too long. Says the woman with a porn addiction

DBM: Has it occurred to you that she probably enjoys pleasing herself with porn because masturbation helps her to achieve her desired sex?

Leroy: Whatever makes her happy

DBM: Participant 132, Asher, left a question for you: ‘What do you enjoy about your job?’

Leroy: I’m fairly compensated; the benefits that come along with the salary is also great. My job gives me the freedom to do other things which balances with my personal life. The working environment is less stressful and my employer provide us with the needed tools to reach our daily goals.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Leroy: You own a crystal ball that could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your past, present, the future and anything else. What would you want to know?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Andrea Piacquadio

Let’s Talk To Asher

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 132: Asher is fine

DBM: Hi Asher. How would you describe yourself?

Asher: Funny, cocky, confident, charming and assertive

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Asher: Eight

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Asher: I’m a social media influencer with over 30k followers. For some time now I’ve been reading messages from people asking for my help. I’ve been contemplating on asking for donations from my followers to help support those asking for help. I know you’ve had similar experiences in the past and would want to know how to go about it.

DBM: Raising money for a good cause is a good thing. I commend you for considering it

Asher: Thank you! Why don’t you crowdfund anymore on your platform?

DBM: I got to know some people were playing smart with me.

Asher: How?

DBM: They were in the habit of jumping from one platform to the other with all sorts of sad stories just to get financial support.

Asher: I understand, but there are genuine cases too

DBM: Yes

Asher: How were these monies being sent to you?

DBM: They weren’t sent to me.

Asher: I don’t understand

DBM: I usually would ask the person in need of help, if they’d be comfortable sharing their mobile money number, so I attach to the post

Asher: Money transfers weren’t sent directly to your MoMo?

DBM: No. If I can recall, only four people have specifically asked to send their donations to my number/bank account, to be forwarded to the persons in need. Anytime such happened, I would take screenshots of their messages and transfer receipts and post publicly. I make public posts with screenshots also of me transferring the funds to the individuals in need.

Asher: Why didn’t you want to raise the funds using your number?

DBM: I have just one mobile number, and I wasn’t comfortable putting it out there. I’m a very private person and wouldn’t want to be engaging so many people on phone

Asher: But you interact with a lot of people on Facebook

DBM: Yes

Asher: What is the difference here?

DBM: My phone number is personal; I don’t have a lot of contacts on my phone, and I am very okay with that. Also, because I receive a dozen inbox messages on Facebook each day, I’m unable to respond to every single one of them. Some people because of that, would call or WhatsApp at will – if my number was out there.

Asher: You don’t want to talk to people?

DBM: I’m not good at that. My phone can go three days without a ring from anyone, and that makes me happy.

Asher: Not even WhatsApp?

DBM: I WhatsApp every day, but with just one or two people at most

Asher: Wow! But what if the person seeking your help isn’t okay sharing their number publicly?

DBM: I give them options to find a trusted relative or friend to use their numbers, or I’d simply use my discretion to find one FB follower that people trust to use their number to collect the donations.

Asher: Is it because you don’t trust yourself with money?

DBM: I trust myself with money; I just don’t want to be responsible for, and involved with other people’s money.

Asher: Alright! I want the donations to be made directly to my MoMo

DBM: Okay!

Asher: I feel like I’d be the best person to account for it

DBM: Sure

Asher: Also, I want people to know about what I’m doing for others. It’s all part of the branding

DBM: Okay!

Asher: Do I have to give the entire amount received to the person in whose name I raised the funds?

DBM: Yeah!

Asher: Would it be unprofessional if I gave 80% and kept the 20%?

DBM: Kept it for what?

Asher: As my ‘well-done’ benefit or even use it for other good causes? Money isn’t easy to come by these days

DBM: If your motive truly is to assist others in need, then it’s wrong to take from what they’ve been given. If you’ve ever been in the position to ask a stranger for help, you’d realize you do so because you feel there isn’t anyone else out there you feel safe enough to confine in; someone who would understand your predicament, and if possible, offer help. So, if they tend to see you as that person they can trust, and feel comfortable opening up to, then you owe them your honesty to say the least.

Asher: I will think about it. Is there any other way I can use my platform to raise money to support the needy?

DBM: You can charge people with small businesses who would want to advertise their goods and services on your page, and then use the money for your intended charity projects.

Asher: Thanks Dave

DBM: You’re welcome! Participant 131, Ira, left a question for you: ‘Do you think it’s better to stay friends with exes, or to cut ties with them? Are you over your ex?’

Asher: I still have this strange attachment to the last woman I dated. She’s moved on but I’ve not. I did some bad stuff and she couldn’t trust me anymore. I believe she was the right person for me; however, I betrayed her trust and it hurt her feelings. I did care about her, though I was selfish with some of my decisions. She has totally cut ties with me, and I have learned my lesson as to why our relationship didn’t work out the way I wanted it to. I wish I could stay friend with her but she’s not ready for that.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Asher: What do you enjoy about your job?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Monstera

Let’s Talk To Ira

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 131: Ira

DBM: Hello Ira. How would you describe yourself?

Ira: I have to have money

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ira: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ira: My wife doesn’t want to be married again but I do. How do I get her to want to stay married?

DBM: How long have you been married?

Ira: 7 years

DBM: Seven good or bad years?

Ira: It’s not been an easy journey but it wasn’t all that bad

DBM: Why does she want out?

Ira: She says I do not meet all of her needs

DBM: Meaning?

Ira: She’s not happy

DBM: What were her expectations of you and the marriage?

Ira: I don’t know

DBM: You have to ask her

Ira: She doesn’t know how to explain her feelings at the moment

DBM: Did she have any ‘problems’ with you prior to getting married?

Ira: Everybody had a problem or two with their significant others before marriage

DBM: Those problems do not go away after the wedding, you know that, no?

Ira: I know

DBM: You need to find out why she’s not happy

Ira: That’s the problem, she’s not able to point out the specifics. All she says is, ‘this marriage is not serving my best interest. I am not happy. I will be better off single’

DBM: Do you believe she would be happy as a single woman?

Ira: We have children, Dave. I feel that our personal pursuit for happiness shouldn’t be the first priority. The kids are

DBM: I disagree

Ira: Why?

DBM: Did you marry her because of children?

Ira: Not really

DBM: Why did you get married?

Ira: Because she used to make me happy and vice versa

DBM: So, which of you stopped trying as hard to keep the other happy?

Ira: I’d say she did

DBM: Why is that?

Ira: She became all about the children. She put me second.

DBM: Who is your first now?

Ira: Certainly not my wife

DBM: There’s a new first?

Ira: I am willing to drop her for my wife and start all over again if she’s open to making our marriage a priority.

DBM: In other words, your marriage is currently on autopilot?

Ira: Something like that

DBM: I can understand why it’s failing for the both of you

Ira: Marriage is difficult, Dave.

DBM: Because marriage in itself automatically creates problems. It is rife with its own issues

Ira: And I miss being single sometimes

DBM: You miss being single because when you’re a bachelor, you only make decisions for yourself; you’re focused on you and what keeps you excited. If you have a wife, you put your marriage first. Seven years into the marriage and your love is already dwindling?

Ira: Not mine, hers

DBM: Do you know what your wife wants or needs in order to be happy?

Ira: I think so, but I do not want to start something I know I cannot sustain

DBM: Is whatever it is above and beyond your ability?

Ira: Not really

DBM: So, what’s the catch?

Ira: I have my needs and wants too

DBM: And, at what point can the two of you consider compromising?

Ira: I was the one always compromising till I got fed up

DBM: I bet your wife would say same?

Ira: Yes

DBM: So, what’s the way forward?

Ira: I want to stay married

DBM: To?

Ira: My wife of course, who else? Lol!

DBM: Why are you sleeping with the other lady?

Ira: I am not. She’s someone I used to date

DBM: And?

Ira: I sometimes miss what we used to have

DBM: Does she know you’re married?

Ira: Yes, she’s also married

DBM: Why is she the someone you enjoy talking to?

Ira: Dave, before I met and married my wife, I had a life and friends of my own.

DBM: Now you’re married, you have children, your priorities change. You focus changes. Even your energy changes

Ira: My friendship with this woman is what is keeping me levelheaded

DBM: Have you explained this to your wife?

Ira: She thinks there is something going on between us

DBM: What ingredients constitute this friendship?

Ira: It’s a beautiful bond we share. We’re good friends, committed to what we have; there is respect, trust and service; we love on the level of the love and attention we give each other.

DBM: Is there something else beyond friendship going on?

Ira: Yes, but we have no plans pursuing an affair

DBM: If you say ‘we’, you mean you’ve both identified the on-going chemistry and its probability of infringing upon your boundaries?

Ira: Yes. I don’t want to be pressured to cut her off

DBM: Is the friendship worth losing your marriage?

Ira: She’s no bad energy

DBM: Are you still in love with her?

Ira: I care about her

DBM: What does that mean?

Ira: It is what it is

DBM: Is your ex inserting herself between you and your wife?

Ira: No

DBM: Are you inserting yourself between your ex and her husband?

Ira: I don’t think so

DBM: So, say a definite ‘No!’

Ira: It is what it is

DBM: Are you pursuing your wife as much as you’re invested in whatever it is you share with this your lady friend?

Ira: I try

DBM: Is your wife your friend?

Ira: I think so

DBM: Do you value her?

Ira: I do

DBM: Do you cherish her?

Ira: I do

DBM: Do you serve her well?

Ira: I do the best I can

DBM: Do you know the best and worst of your wife, and still love her anyways?

Ira: I love her

DBM: Participant 130, Dofi, left a question for you: ‘Is it ever OKAY to lie?’

Ira: Sometimes. If you’re married to someone like my wife, lying the right way to her is what actually builds her trust in me. It’s all about when and how you tell the lie. When the intention behind what I’m saying to her is good, nothing else should matter.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Ira: Do you think it’s better to stay friends with exes, or to cut ties with them? Are you over your ex?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: David Gomes

Let’s Talk To Dofi

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 130: My name is Dofi

DBM: Hi Dofi. How would you describe yourself?

Dofi: I love to learn

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Dofi: 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Dofi: I’m in relationship with a guy I respect so much. I really wish I could put the reasons why I love him into words but I can’t. There is a problem. He introduced me to one of his uncles and he just happened to be one of the men I used to date. His uncle was the first older man in my circle of ‘daddies’ that I dated. I fell in love with him because he used to wow me with his kindness and crazy sense of humor. He was massively more committed in the relationship than I was, because he was a married man.

DBM: Is he still married?

Dofi: Yes

DBM: Why did you break up?

Dofi: He had another girlfriend. It’s a long story. Also, I was interested in a different guy

DBM: And so, you broke things off?

Dofi: He did

DBM: What was his reason?

Dofi: He needed to focus on his family

DBM: Okay! Did he?

Dofi: No. He’s the one guy I am probably going to have sex with even if I am happily married.

DBM: Why is that?

Dofi: He makes me feel like a woman

DBM: How does it feel like to be a woman?

Dofi: Safe, secure, protected, cared for, adored, loved, respected, shielded, home, free

DBM: I see

Dofi: Any woman who has ever been handled well by a good man knows what I’m talking about. Such women find themselves in a dilemma when these stand-outs show up to us suddenly for a fling. We may love our boyfriends or husbands but nothing would compare…

DBM: To that man who made you feel like a woman?

Dofi: Yes. They are the type of guys that we are physically, emotionally, mentally and monetarily attracted to, and may act on it

DBM: You met the uncle, and then what happened?

Dofi: He looked at me with his look

DBM: What look?

Dofi: That look that flirts with me to come for an expensive quickie

DBM: You’re obviously not serious about your boyfriend, no?

Dofi: I am, Dave. My boyfriend is always there for me and I love him for that

DBM: Does he know about you and his uncle?

Dofi: The issue is, I had been with his uncle a week prior to him introducing us.

DBM: Been with him, how?

Dofi: Sex

DBM: In other words, you’re cheating on your boyfriend

Dofi: Yes and no

DBM: Please explain

Dofi: I am not in a relationship with his uncle. What we share is a soul-tie

DBM: What is a soul-tie?

Dofi: It goes deeper than love; it’s not always experienced in a relationship setting.

DBM: Have you processed exactly what you’re doing to your boyfriend?

Dofi: What am I doing?

DBM: Cheating on him with his uncle.

Dofi: Hmmm!

DBM: What unrealistic expectations do you have of your boyfriend?

Dofi: None

DBM: Are you physically attracted to him?

Dofi: Very much

DBM: Does he work?

Dofi: He has a good paying job

DBM: He treats you good?

Dofi: Very

DBM: He loves you?

Dofi: He is in love with me

DBM: You can spend the rest of your life living with his character?

Dofi: Yes

DBM: He’s mature?

Dofi: He is my dream man

DBM: So, what will make you have sex with his uncle?

Dofi: I didn’t know they were related.

DBM: Let me rephrase the statement then, what will make you cheat on him?

Dofi: I don’t know how to say no to his uncle

DBM: Does the uncle pressure you to have sex with him?

Dofi: No

DBM: Why then can’t you say no to his advances?

Dofi: It’s not that simple

DBM: Simplify it for me

Dofi: Money exchanges hands. A lot of money

DBM: How much is a lot?

Dofi: $1500

DBM: Ghana Cedis you mean?

Dofi: No, Dave, USD for every meet

DBM: So, it’s about the money?

Dofi: Partially

DBM: What do you do for work?

Dofi: I have a day job. I can survive without his money but I still need it

DBM: Are you prepared to face the consequences of your actions by addressing what you’ve been up to with your boyfriend?

Dofi: Not in this world

DBM: How would you feel if he were to be doing the exact thing to you?

Dofi: I’d be hurt

DBM: Why are you doing it then?

Dofi: His uncle makes me feel invincible when I am with him

DBM: Your boyfriend makes you feel what?

Dofi: Invincible too, but on a different level

DBM: Do you know what you want?

Dofi: I know what I want

DBM: Who do you want?

Dofi: My boyfriend’s love and his uncle’s TLC which when combined, feels like an absolutely amazing field trip with lunch in a cool weather.

DBM: I see. Kindly remind me the purpose for this chat?

Dofi: I want to know if it’s okay to render to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and give to God what belongs to God?

DBM: Loving your boyfriend should come naturally to you when you realize how much he’s that much into you. You’re setting yourself up in a trap entertaining his uncle

Dofi: Ok

DBM: Participant 129, Pablo, left a question for you: ‘I am going to assume your house, containing everything you own and value, has caught fire. After saving your loved ones, you just happen to have time to safely make a final dash in there to save any one item. What would it be, and why?’

Dofi: My dildo. An orgasm before bed does wonders to my sleep. The sleep is better and sounder

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Dofi: Is it ever OKAY to lie?

DBM: Thank you!

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