COLOUR OF LOVE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 10: Olive

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

OLIVE: I am a quiet young lady who loves to bring out the best in people. I love with my all and abhor drama of all forms. I love and pursue peace in all my relationships.

DBM: How long have you been married?

OLIVE: It’s been 11years of matrimony.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

OLIVE: Well, my ideal man is one that will love me for who I am, be content with me in my good, bad and the ugly. The perfect man for me didn’t have to be rich or poor but should have a vision and a clear plan for himself so I can correctly play my role as a help-mate suitable for him. Above all, I wanted my man to be someone who puts God first in everything, and was crazily kind to society’s less fortunate and vulnerable. My husband didn’t completely fit the specifications but I was willing to work with what I had.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

OLIVE: We met at a mutual friend’s graduation ceremony and became friends. A few months later he proposed, and I accepted because I had heard a lot of great things about him, which led me into concluding that he fit about 60% of my criteria for an ideal man.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

OLIVE: I actually hoped that we would grow to be the best of friends as the years came by since we really did not know each that intimately before marriage. Unfortunately, this desire of a friendship with my husband has not happened. I have tried several ways to help us build this but I have come to the conclusion that – that may not be what he desires of us, based on how he has received my efforts over the years.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

OLIVE: I cannot really tell. It’s been so long since we made each other laugh. I can only remember a few years into the marriage when I was trimming his toenails in our backyard. A neighbor commented that he envied him because he has a good wife, and that made him laugh out loud.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

OLIVE: I have always had my doubts about him being the suitable person for me. Remember I accepted his proposal based on the testimony of mutual friends. When we kick-started the relationship, he said and did a lot stuff that made me doubt his authenticity as a Christian, and his love for me and all that. My spirit was always unsettled but I thought that I was being too judgmental about him because he was really a kind guy to society’s less fortunate and vulnerable. I went ahead with the marriage because I had given him and his parents my word. I also, hoped that whatever negative energy was all in my head, and that, with time I would come to know the real him that our friends testified to. Long story short, I still don’t know.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

OLIVE: Only when he smiles or laughs. There is something about his eyes that melts my heart anytime he smiles.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

OLIVE: I believe that 70% of the time I listen to understand what he is communicating, and will choose to either respond or not based on the understanding I gain. This approach has helped prevent a lot of unnecessary fights in the marriage because initially, I was listening to respond.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

OLIVE: He is not doing very much in this position. Don’t get me wrong, he is a great guy to the children and his friends.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

OLIVE: Every one word in the vow means the world to me. I believe these words: “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part” were given to use for a purpose. After eleven years in this journey, I really want to choose but judging from what we have been through, I think each of them is a valuable to me.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

OLIVE: Taking walks in the evenings or just sitting outside enjoying the beauty of nature and chit chatting. We have taken a lot of trips to enjoy but I have fun when we do simple stuff.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

OLIVE: The love for my husband has been dinging in the last eight years. I have put a wall around my heart because I don’t want to hurt again. I feel like my husband took the love that I gave him, trampled on it under his feet, picked it up, and threw it at me and said to me: “in your face, Olive!”

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

OLIVE: No!

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

OLIVE: Not much. I am mostly fulfilling my wifely duties – cooking, cleaning, feeding the children, etc. When we are together, he is always having a great time with the friends on his phone. When I make the move to be with him, he often tells me that he is busy working on a project he brough home from work, or doing something that is more important than spending time with me. The excuses are plenty so, I have learnt to be my own cheerleader and spend time with me.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

OLIVE: Not at all!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

OLIVE: I don’t feel secure at all. I honestly do not know why I am still married on most days.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

OLIVE: In the next 10 years if I am being honest, I see myself taking care of our children as a single mom and my husband married to his longest surviving side chick. However, my spirit tells me that things will be better in the next 10 years and we will have a strong marriage, laughing over his “sexcapades”.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

OLIVE: My ideal sex life is as many acts as we desire, as long as there is nothing biological hindering the act. Drop hints well ahead of the action, not like 5 minutes before. Of course, there are times that demand a quickie which I understand but that should not be the status quo. We should try new positions and all things that are permissible and beneficial for strengthening the marriage bond. Most importantly, I want to be shown that I am desirable not only for sex but for all things that pertain to marriage. This gesture honestly helps me give my all.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

OLIVE: 0.5/10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

OLIVE: My understanding of love is informed by 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” I believe that love is a choice I make every day that I have breath to do what is outlined above.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

OLIVE: No! I feel like I am a “ceremonial wife” in my marriage.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

OLIVE: I try my best to be a good spouse but my husband rarely compliments me on my efforts except, when his married friends draw his attention to my efforts when comparing me to their spouses.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

OLIVE: Yes, emotionally. Physically, I decided to experiment with cheating but could not carry it through because it was too much work to do. I was curious that for all the years that we have been married, my husband has been cheating with different shades of young ladies. I really wanted to know what was to be gained from that practice, but I could not carry it through. Dave, cheating is too much work and belittling!

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart:

OLIVE: Kwabena, after eleven years of journeying with you in marriage and all the blessings we have been blessed with, I am still baffled that you are not content with me and all we have. I am still with you because I believe you can change to be an excellent husband to me. Unfortunately, I am unsure how long I can keep this hope and faith alive. I want to love you wholly again like crazy, but I am afraid you will hurt me and take me for granted. Again, I don’t know what other sacrifice I must make to make this marriage work. Please help me help our marriage work. We can do it!

Image Credit: Anastasia Shuraeva

BECAUSE HE LOVES ME

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 9: FaithLove_T

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

FAITHLOVE_T: I’m cool, shy and well reserved woman who likes minding her own business. I like to see my loved ones happy always.

DBM: How long have you been married?

FAITHLOVE_T: 13 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

FAITHLOVE_T: Well, I didn’t have such specifications then, because I married early (19) and actually didn’t even know what marriage was all about but looking at it, he is my Spec 😍.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

FAITHLOVE_T: Eeeii! This will be another story for another day but one word I can use to describe our meeting is DIVINE

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

FAITHLOVE_T: Yes!

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

FAITHLOVE_T: Severally, but this one we were both watching a movie together and we were so into the movie, meanwhile, I couldn’t understand some of the words spoken in American slang due to the fast way the actors were speaking, and so I turned to him and asked, “what did he say my love”? And he burst out with laughter and laughed so hard, and will always explain for me to understand.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

FAITHLOVE_T: Four years into our marriage, I became very sick after our first child, and it got so worst that everyone including myself thought my husband would take me back to parents’ house; not because he didn’t love me but he was exhausted emotionally, financially and physically, and yet my situation wasn’t getting better. I would have actually understood him but my beloved husband chose to stand by me through thick and thin, and in good health and bad health, and this made me realize he’s the one for me, my Godsent 🙏

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

FAITHLOVE_T: Yes!

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

FAITHLOVE_T: Hmmm! This one, my husband always listens to me and sometimes understands me; he sometimes thinks I don’t listen to understand him but I’m trying my best.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

FAITHLOVE_T: Still the King of my heart ❤️

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

FAITHLOVE_T: We are traditionally married though we are Christians (Catholics). The vow’s that means a lot to me is “For better for worse”. I keep telling my husband that even though he didn’t wed me in church, he has demonstrated by all standards – the true meaning of that vow in our marriage, and I adore him for that.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

FAITHLOVE_T: Outings, taking walks holding hands and our bedmatics time 😄😄😄

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

FAITHLOVE_T: Yes, we are growing stronger by God’s grace 🙏.  I still get butterflies in my stomach anytime I look at him 😍😍

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

FAITHLOVE_T: Yes, I do but I have learned to guard my heart too because anything can happen. I don’t want to be shocked to the bone at any point.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

FAITHLOVE_T: We are busy with work but I can say we get time for ourselves most of the time.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

FAITHLOVE_T: Yes!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

FAITHLOVE_T: Yes, with him I feel more secure; and no (just me worrying for no reason when there’s no cause for alarm; it’s just a woman thing). No because we have one child and in a deep conversation with him, he told me he loves to have plenty children, but if it’s God’s Will that He should have only one, he’s okay with God plans. This makes me not secure in case he wants his wishes granted by looking elsewhere.

Note that my husband hasn’t shown any signs of doing the above, rather, he consoles and encourages me to trust in God anytime I break down. In fact, he has a way of always carrying all my worries away with his words of wisdom, love and care towards me .

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

FAITHLOVE_T: For God to see us through in good health, still loving each other, to protect our child, keep and bless us with 1 or 2 🙏 (deep down we’re grateful for the already buddle of joy he blessed us with, 10 years ago), financial breakthrough and above all, Grace to age gracefully together, and seeing our grandkids 🙏

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

FAITHLOVE_T: Spooning, Woman on top and doggy. Eeeii, is this my handwriting 😀😀😀

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

FAITHLOVE_T: 9

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

FAITHLOVE_T: Love is selfless, kindness, making others happy, giving etc.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

FAITHLOVE_T: Yes very!

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

FAITHLOVE_T: I’m not perfect but I try to be the best spouse, but in my husband’s eyes, I am!

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

FAITHLOVE_T: Never and not even in my dreams till the end.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

FAITHLOVE_T: My IGB, I really love the way you’re loving me and taking very good care of the family. Never change! We love, cherish and appreciate all your efforts to see us happy and okay. Never give up on your dreams and keep going, because one day, God will smile on you and fulfill your dreams and aspirations 🙏; your suffering won’t be in vain… Amen!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ❤️

Image Credit: Anna Shvets

HIS LIGHT STILL SHINES

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 8:  Akos.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

AKOS: I am a self-motivated person, a Christian and a lover of the word of God. I am the outgoing type; I love to have fun in my own world. I am a home maker and I have the heart of a man.

DBM: How long have you been married?

AKOS: 8+ years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

AKOS: Frankly, I didn’t have anything like the perfect picture in mind. One thing I think I always wanted in a man was someone who was intelligent and had a vision, and I saw that in my hubby. I just loved my husband for who he was. He was averagely tall with a thick masculine body, dark in complexion and was in academia, which I truly loved.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

AKOS: He was my superior at work.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

AKOS: Partially yes. Soccer was his life, so in the initial stages of our marriage, it was like he was married to soccer, and not to me.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

AKOS: When we had a family dance with the kids, and when I had a surprise birthday party for him.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

AKOS: After my first child.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

AKOS: Yes, he had always been. My husband was always on point with his dressing, work, food, just name it. He was just the perfect gentleman in my own world.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

AKOS: I completely listened, as more times – I needed insight from him. He was indeed my world.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

AKOS: He was trying everything possible to give me a perfect world. Our major problem had always been his addiction to soccer.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

AKOS: I’ll love and cherish you in the good and bad. I’ll love you the best way I can ever, and will be the best parent to our children yet to be born.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

AKOS: Trying to help the needy the best way we could, even when the going became tough. He always loved to give. The last charity he made was in December.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

AKOS: I kept falling in love and talking about his love, and I still talk about it.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

AKOS: I didn’t trust my husband fully because he was the ‘ladies’ man’. He had women proposing to him almost all the time. He just had that vibe.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

AKOS: We barely had time for each other because of work but when we had the least opportunity, we always made the best of it.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

AKOS: I feel more connected, much more than ever.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

AKOS: No! I had felt threatened on several occasions, though my hubby promised me a beautiful marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

AKOS: I’ve always anticipated our marriage standing on a solid Christian faith, full of love and joy.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

AKOS: Trying new things to spice our wonderful sex life, but along the line it flopped due to health issues from my spouse.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

AKOS: It was 6 out of 10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

AKOS: Patience, understanding and being there to give a shoulder when necessary. Being each other’s confidant and backbone.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

AKOS: I used to feel loved.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

AKOS: There’s no perfect marriage but I tried to be a great wife. Honestly, I hardly let go of what hurt me. And I loved to pay back sometimes. I easily got provoked and angry, and my husband was always there to comfort and share my pain, even if I was angry at him.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

AKOS: Never!

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

AKOS: The husband of my youth, my all-time lover boy, you know how we rocked it and you know the special place you have in my heart. The space can never and will never be occupied. I think of you day and night and I wish I could turn back the hands of time and have a more solid lovely perfect marriage with you. It’s been months without you and it feels like forever. When I close my eyes to pray, I still tell God to incubate your soul peacefully for us until we meet in eternity someday.

My anointed general may you keep resting peacefully. We dearly love and miss you today and forever. From us on earth to you in heaven.

ADAMS’ APPLE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 7:  Adams is my name.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

ADAMS: I am 68 years old, and a father to four grown children. I am a grandfather, a husband and a friend. I am retired and enjoying the remaining years of my life with my wife.

DBM: How long have you been married?

ADAMS: 35 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

ADAMS: My wife fits into my exact specifications. She actually is in a league of her own. I settled for a woman I would never otherwise would have gone for. Don’t get me wrong, my wife is very beautiful to me; she is beautiful to me because I give her the chance to become beautiful in my eyes. And in all the 35 years of loving her, I have given myself the opportunity to be equally good in her eyes, and most importantly, cherished for who I really am, by the one woman whose opinion I value the most.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

ADAMS: She found me at a point in my life when I was thinking I wasn’t good enough for any woman; every lady I liked didn’t like me back. I felt useless. She was at the same bus stop where an ex-girlfriend of mine had broken up with me in public. I doubted my capabilities as a man, but this stranger, now wife, encouraged me with her presence and friendship to build me back up to move forward. It was humiliating to say the least, but she stood by me at the bus stop, and has been standing by me through all of my ups and downs.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

ADAMS: Our friendship will never end, and that makes me the happiest man in the world. Yes!

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

ADAMS: That would be over 28 years ago. We both had a busy schedule and had to rely on one of her best friends to pick our children from school. We gave her our house keys to cater for the kids in our absence. I was the first to arrive home after 10 pm. We were expecting my wife to arrive at dawn. The kids were asleep when I got home. While taking my bath, I heard the bathroom door open. My wife’s friend was naked. Because I had soap lather in my eyes, I couldn’t see her approach me. It was after she held my penis and kissed me that I realized that wasn’t my wife. I sacked her from my house and told my wife the moment she got home. I don’t know whether she believed me or not but she laughed so hard, she encountered a stomach pain in the process. She did not confront her friend about my accusation. They’re still close friends. She’s still our family friend.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

ADAMS: The day I realized my wife wasn’t afraid of being alone, with or without me in her life. Yes, she’s in want of the man that I am, but she doesn’t really need me in any way to feel fulfilled.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

ADAMS: My wife is as attractive and perfect as I make her to be. She’s ambitious and very reliable. Dave, authenticity is sexier to me in any body type or shape, any day.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

ADAMS: I have never taken the importance of communication with my wife lightly. She discusses almost everything that is important to her with me, and I make sure to listen to whatever she has to say, and truly make the effort to comprehend exactly where she may be coming from. In a deeper conversation with my wife, I know when to talk or offer an opinion, and when not to.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

ADAMS: She’s my ideal wife, and I will choose her over and over again, any day. In fact, I still chase after her till date. She respects herself, and respects me too.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

ADAMS: In the name of The Almighty God, I take you, Sophia, to be my wife; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish – until we are parted by death.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

ADAMS: Raising our children together and enriching them to a higher level of thinking, feeling, loving and behaving, has been the most fun we have both had in our marriage.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

ADAMS: It’s growing stronger every day. I understand my wife in a deeper level.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

ADAMS: Completely! She owns my heart, and I feel comfortable being vulnerable with her.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

ADAMS: David, I love my wife so much to the extent that, I love being around her. For me, as long as I get to spend time with her, I don’t really care whatever we’d be doing together – if I’d be doing it with her, that would be more than enough for me. She’s the best company I have ever kept and had all my life.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

ADAMS: Yes, I feel connected emotionally to my Sophie. She’s exactly where I need her to be emotionally with me. We support each other the best way possible.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

ADAMS: Very! We are constantly paying attention to our inner and outer growths at every phase of our lives.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

ADAMS: Till death do us part I believe.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

ADAMS: My ideal sex life is climaxing with my wife.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

ADAMS: 9/10. She pleases me, and we are content with what we share intimately.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

ADAMS: My understanding of love is being on the same page on the importance of respecting each other, being true to our words, creating time to prioritize our feelings for one another, resolving conflict when it arises and forgiving each other; being strong for the other when weak, and helping one another to carry on.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

ADAMS: I love how my wife loves me. She’s my favorite lady.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

ADAMS: I am a good husband, but I am married to a wonderful woman.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

ADAMS: Finding myself in the arms of another woman, to me, is an expression, not my reality. I don’t want to hurt Sophia, because I love her. I don’t want to tear my family apart and sacrifice my honor; that is why I have never cheated on my wife.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

ADAMS: Sophia, I am one of the luckiest men alive. We promised each other for better and for worse, and so far, I am also honoring my part of the vows. You know how much I love you; you know how much I am in love with you. You know how much I appreciate you. I wasn’t searching for a perfect woman; I wasn’t looking for a flawless marriage. All I prayed for was for God to bless me with a decent marriage, genuine commitment and a lasting friendship between us. Thank you very much for going easy on me!

Image Credit: Andre Moura

CROSS-FIRE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 6:  Cross will do.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

CROSS: I’m just me; easy going, opinionated and massive fun to be with.

DBM: How long have you been married?

CROSS: Nine years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

CROSS: I never had a spec; however, I never wanted a spiritual leader as a spouse. I’m not good with being a role model.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

CROSS: At his workplace after I completed Senior High School.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

CROSS: No! My husband is a bit judgmental, and so I am very careful of the things I share with him.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

CROSS: I’m naturally a happy soul. So anytime you are around me, a smile will always be on your face.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

CROSS: I was double dating actually; it was him and another guy. Then I got pregnant and was uncertain of who was responsible. I told the other guy and he accepted but I couldn’t handle it, and so I requested for a termination. After the termination of the pregnancy, I bled for two weeks straight and was getting weaker by the day. I avoided my husband, who was then just the other guy throughout the abortion. He came to my workplace uninvited one afternoon. The moment he set his eyes on me, he knew something was wrong and I was dying slowly so I had to open up to him. He acted cool, went out and brought me medications to stop the bleeding, and took care of me through it all. The other guy tried contacting me and my husband (then boyfriend) gave him a piece of his mind. That was when he said a lot of shitty things about me to him, but all my husband told him was that, “she’s now with me, so stay away from her”. That was when I knew that, I had found a diamond in a form of a human.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

CROSS: Very much. My husband is seriously attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

CROSS: Yes! We always discuss our daily activities before going to bed. I am an ardent listener as well. Because of him, I read about sports so I can have a meaningful conversation with him.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

CROSS: Very well! He is a great husband and a wonderful father.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

CROSS: Till death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

CROSS: On weekends and holidays when we are home alone without the kids. Having wild sex in the room and gisting about others, etc.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

CROSS: Mine fluctuates.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

CROSS: Not really!

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

CROSS: Whenever we have a free time, we spend it together.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

CROSS: Not really!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

CROSS: No! He tried adding up a wife some time ago, and it has changed my perception about the whole marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

CROSS: Outside the country with our children.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

CROSS: We’re always fuel and fire.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

CROSS: 12/10 😂😂

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

CROSS: Being there for each other and sharing the good, bad and ugly times together. And being available for/to our children.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

CROSS: Of course yes, although I sometimes feel caged.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

CROSS: I am trying to be better than before.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

CROSS: Emotionally yes, but sexually/physically, no!

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

CROSS: I do have so much love and admiration for you honey. All I want is for you to get out of your comfort zone and explore more business-wise. I love how you love me and our children; please know we will enjoy this union if only you stay true to me. Yes, I’m not ready to share my husband with anyone!

Image Credits: Anna Shvets

GOING WITH THE GROOVE, VICTORY STYLE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 5:  Victory is fine.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

VICTORY: I am a committed Christian, beautiful and a happy-going person who believes in hard work, and is currently working two jobs.

DBM: How long have you been married?

VICTORY: I have been married for 15 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

VICTORY: A man who would always be there for his family; had to be tall, slim and an extrovert. My husband does not fit into all of my specifications. Let’s say, 50%.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

VICTORY: Dave, it will surprise you how we both ended up together; we met through my ex.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

VICTORY: No please, he is not my best friend.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

VICTORY: When I told him I met him holding a dairy and a pen which he carried everywhere until God blessed him.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

VICTORY: I was certain he was the one based on the way he treated my mum and sisters. He stood by me through my hard times.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

VICTORY: Dave, after 15 years of marriage, I still find my husband very attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

VICTORY: He does not listen pa pa bia. Sometimes, I have to repeat myself before I get a response.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

VICTORY: To him, he’s the best husband ever, but to me, his focus is on the kids.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

VICTORY: In sickness and in health, till death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

VICTORY: We had our share of fun when we didn’t have kids.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

VICTORY: Dave, saa telenovela odo no doesn’t work for me. Me nni biom but we are cool laidat!

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

VICTORY: I still trust him, but nothing will surprise me because I have my shock absorbers in place 😂.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

VICTORY: I have all the time for him, but unfortunately, I got an introvert who enjoys his own company for a husband (reason why I didn’t want one in the first place) 😂😂.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

VICTORY: My husband is a typical African man; my emotional needs na my own o. Take money and sort yourself out specs

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

VICTORY: I am very secure. What can come can come! 😅

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

VICTORY: Till death walahi 🙏😂. We will both be preparing for our retirements with either a pension baby or grandchild.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

VICTORY: Please, table top or wheelbarrow. 😂😂

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

VICTORY: Our current sex life is 9.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

VICTORY: I doubt I have any. Love ankasa me ni bi.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

VICTORY: Yes please. I have one weakness that it would only take love to tolerate. So, for him to put up with it/me for all these 15 years, wa y3 bi; he’s really done well!

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

VICTORY: Yes, I am a good spouse, by my husband’s standard. He tells me all the time.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

VICTORY: S3 cheating ye football a, anka me y3 Merci (no sir)

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

VICTORY: Nana K, I am proud of you; I will choose you again if there’s a next life. You have been a good provider for me and the children, nanso, ye romantic kakraa ai? You take life too seriously. 😘

Image Credit: Raquel Sílva

CLOSELY APART – MAAME

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 4: Maame is fine by me.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

MAAME: I am a very passionate person and I love with everything I am. I am very trustworthy, and so I hate lies; I say things just as it is.

DBM: How long have you been married?

MAAME: 11 years in June.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

MAAME: I preferred a man who could love and care about me, and most importantly, become my friend. My husband did fit into the category because we were friends for a year and half before we became lovers.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

MAAME: He came looking for a friend in my church and we met. l helped him find the friend.  The interesting thing is, he had the guts to tell me that very day that he would marry me, because l am a very helpful person and caring too.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

MAAME: So l thought at first, but currently, no!

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

MAAME: This was when we started dating as lovers; we dated for five years before marriage. He asked me to cook for him the first time and l undercooked the rice; it was so hard, he laughed so much at me.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

MAAME: I fell sick seriously and his love and care for me to get well was something else.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

MAAME: Yes, I find my husband to be extremely attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

MAAME: I was trying to always listen to him when he talked with me but he doesn’t listen to me; it’s like, all the things I say during a deeper conversation with him are senseless. Due to that l do not really listen to him lately.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

MAAME: He is a husband to me in public, but to be honest, we are currently co-existing because of our children.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

MAAME: To love and to hold, till death do us part.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

MAAME: When we used to drive around town together; how l miss those good old days, hmmmmm!

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

MAAME: No, l don’t love him anymore. l just feel sense of obligation towards him because of my kids.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

MAAME: I don’t trust him anymore.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

MAAME: I am always there for him when he needs me.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

MAAME: No emotional feelings for him anymore.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

MAAME: I don’t feel secure with him in this marriage; I am guessing he is also sticking with me because of the kids and his old age.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

MAAME: I want to be happy with my kids and I don’t see my husband to be a part of this happiness I anticipate for my future.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

MAAME: With me, sex starts outside the bedroom; how you relate and treat me; how to talk to me and look at me, how you smile at me, etc. I really need to feel connected to you before anything physical (intimately) can mean something to me.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

MAAME: 4 out of 10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

MAAME: Love is an everyday relationship; how you make the one you love be your first priority.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

MAAME: I don’t feel loved what-so-ever. My husband only remembers l exist when he wants sex; in fact, that is the only moment he will smile at me and pretend he cares. But when he is done, I am forgotten.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

MAAME: I believe no one is perfect but I try my best to be in our marriage.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

MAAME: I have never, and will never cheat on my husband – so far as I am married to him.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

MAAME: KG, l never thought we would be close but yet so far apart. I have come to realize that loving someone is never enough to marry that person. I pray you see that we are far apart and find it important to fight for our marriage to work.

Image Credit: Jill Burrow

AFIA

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 3: Afia.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

AFIA: I’m a decorator and designer. I am jovial, hardworking, dedicated and a home maker.

DBM: How long have you been married?

AFIA: 11 years

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

AFIA: A born again Christian; he had to be slim, fair, average height, hardworking, jovial and romantic. My husband did not fit into my exact specifications. He has got the complexion and height all right; he is also hardworking but extremely selfish. My husband is nothing close to being romantic.

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

AFIA: We were working in the same department in church and got connected just like that.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

AFIA: No!

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

AFIA: I make him laugh most of the time, because of my sarcastic/funny and jovial nature.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

AFIA: Hmmmmm! We were always together on phone or physically. He was sharing the little (gifts and IT knowledge) he had with me. He always wanted me to be on the same level with him. He was constantly talking about marriage and it came to a time, he asked, and I gave him the “yes” to his proposal.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

AFIA: No! His dressing has changed to how he was when we met; he pays less attention to his appearance and breath. He doesn’t care if he stays the whole day without bathing. A lot has gone back to how he was and I feel I forced him to change.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

AFIA: It depends, but nowadays I just listen to formulate an answer.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

AFIA: If not for the fact that he’s being controlled by his mom (because he’s an only son) I think he’d be doing well.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

AFIA: In sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer. As for ‘till death’ only God knows.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

AFIA: When I’m singing and he’s playing the organ or guitar, or when we sleep or sit or taking our bath and we’re singing in harmony. At times, he sings tenor whiles I sing soprano, or he sings baritone when I take the tenor.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

AFIA: No! My love unfortunately is growing weaker by day and that’s draining.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

AFIA: Not anymore. The trust vanished the very day he allowed the mom and sister to chase me out of the house because I refused the mom to be serving him food daily; having a daily convo from 7pm to 11pm, stocking our fridge with her soups and stews, which they claim is specially made ‘with love’; bringing another lady for him to marry because we don’t have our own children (which is not my fault but his, and yet, I have decided to shield him)

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

AFIA: As much as he’s available physically and emotionally.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

AFIA: I don’t!

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

AFIA: I do not feel secure in my marriage.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

AFIA: May be apart.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

AFIA: I’m not really the sex type.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

AFIA: 1 out 10.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

AFIA: Dedication, commitment to one another, sacrifice; being faithful to one another, service to one another and placing the significant other before every other thing or person.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

AFIA: No! And this started from the sixth month of our marriage.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

AFIA: Yes, because he keeps saying it.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

AFIA: No! Not during dating or even in the marriage.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

AFIA: Dear husband of my youth, I have loved you with everything in me. I have accepted to be your wife even at your lowest state when you were not working and making any sensible money. I promised to share the little I have with you and I have been doing it till now. You know from day one that your mother doesn’t want me in your life because of my tribe. I guess you ignored her because you loved me. You know you are the cause of our inability to have kids up to now, yet you hid it from me until recently. Even that, I accepted everything in good faith. You don’t take care of me but I don’t complain. Your friends always tell you I’m a good wife and you laugh at it. I promised to stay with you even against the odds, and yet, you are not ready to stay because of your mom; as you keep saying it to the hearing of even our counsellors. I have been the one looking for solutions, both medically and spiritually. You choose to watch movies or Facebook whenever I’m having a midnight prayer for us, even though you are the problem. What hurts me most is that, you don’t seem to be moved. I have always told you that even an elastic band has its limit. I have reached that elastic limit and it may break soon.

Image Credit: Jan Koetsier

YEBOAH’S TAKE

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name you fancy)

Participant 2: I am Yeboah.

DBM: Tell me anything about yourself

YEBOAH: Yeboah is a caring and loving gentleman who has got his shit together. I am worthy of my wife’s attention, time, love and respect. I do not talk down on people others feel are lesser to me; I respect myself and others.

DBM: How long have you been married?

YEBOAH: I have been married for 10 years.

DBM: What was your perfect ‘type’ of a man or woman? Did your husband or wife fit into your exact specifications?

YEBOAH: I looked out for a responsible lady; she had to have a job. She had to be emotionally intelligent; a woman who could control her emotional instincts and could demonstrate true maturity when confronted with life’s issues. My wife is a well-grounded individual with a sense of balance when it comes to her finances. Physically, I wanted bortoss kakra on her backside and great east-west standing boobs to cure my asthma. I am cured after a decade with her!

DBM: So, how did you two meet?

YEBOAH: At a friend’s wedding reception. She was physically ready to be talked to, so I talked to her.

DBM: Do you consider your significant other as your best friend?

YEBOAH: My wife is my best friend. Though we’ve become so used to each other, our friendship hasn’t dwindled. I feel appreciated, liked and loved by her always.

DBM: When did you make him or her laugh the most? What happened?

YEBOAH: At that same wedding reception. I told her she looked lovelier than the bride (which she did). I drew her attention to the fact that the bridegroom was also checking her out. He was, and we both laughed.

DBM: At what point were you certain he or she was the one for you?

YEBOAH: When I realized she also loved being near me. She would take my hand and make me feel like I am special to her.

DBM: Do you still find your husband or wife physically attractive?

YEBOAH: My wife is HOT, very attractive.

DBM: In a deeper conversation with your spouse, do you listen just to completely understand or you listen simply to formulate your response?

YEBOAH: I listen. I am not sure whether it’s to understand her or formulate a response she would like but I let her feel heard.

DBM: How is your significant other faring in the position as a husband or wife?

YEBOAH: Awesome! Beautiful woman inside-out, excellent wife and an amazing mother to the kids.

DBM: Which of your wedding vows means the world to you?

YEBOAH: I used to take my vows seriously because it meant something to me. Forsaking all others was one of my favorite. I was very much in love when I said it to her, but when I encountered Adwoa, Helena, Yaa, Serwah and Sena, I realized I wasn’t going to be able to stick with a lifetime vow.

DBM: What is the most fun you both have had in the relationship?

YEBOAH: Sex hour is our most fun. We laugh, we experiment, we make the most out of positions; we mess ourselves up and then go bath.

DBM: Is the love for your husband or wife growing any stronger by the day?

YEBOAH: Every day! My wife doesn’t sit idle just to watch me provide for her and the kids. She hustles and will always have my back. She defends my honor over all others.

DBM: Do you trust your husband or wife?

YEBOAH: 100%. I am fulfilled in my marriage because my wife does what she says. On my part, with the exception of one secret I cannot share with her because it can break her heart, I share everything else with her without the fear of being judged. She is a genuine woman and would not hurt me intentionally.

DBM: How much time do you spend on your husband or wife?

YEBOAH: On week days, I am a very busy person, but when I get any free time, I make it a point to spend it with my wife. We hang out, plan date nights, chill, joke, fuck, keep each other company, catch up, etc.

DBM: Emotionally, do you feel connected than before?

YEBOAH: I am emotionally taken care of, yes! She’s there for me when I need her to be in it with me.

DBM: Do you feel secure in the marriage?

YEBOAH: Yes! I am able to share who I am and be vulnerable around her.

DBM: Where do you see you and your spouse in the next 10 years?

YEBOAH: Growing stronger than ever. In our marriage, I am a student of my wife. I’ve taken the time to learn more about her needs and all that there is to her that makes her different from me. Dave, I know what it feels like when my wife understands me; that is why I aim every day to understand her too.

DBM: What is your ideal sex life?

YEBOAH: Making my wife orgasm without touching her. Her legs shake madly, and goes weak at the knee; she kneels to worship me waist-down with a glorious blowjob. Dave, you don’t want to know details. It’s a calling only a few men can fulfill. I am one of the chosen.

DBM: Rate your current sex life (out of 10)

YEBOAH: 7/10. It can be better.

DBM: What is your understanding of love?

YEBOAH: My wife is my perfect understanding of love: she has taken her time to really get to know me. She understands my breathing pattern, she knows and understands how I think, and she gets how I love her and the kids. She knows I am not perfect but thinks I am perfect for her, just the way I am. She’s a very quiet and calm lady; I am loud and super fierce, but my noise compliments her silence.

DBM: Are you feeling loved in your marriage?

YEBOAH: My wife loves me and takes very good care of me. She puts smiles on my face, cuddles with me and chooses me every day, even though I am already hers. When we encounter any misunderstanding, she works it out with me amicably.

DBM: Are you a good spouse?

YEBOAH: I am really a good husband. I am a responsible father, I am dependable, I am committed to my marriage and our family; I help whenever I can with the chores at home.

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband or wife with another man or woman?

YEBOAH: I have but she doesn’t know. That was the one secret I mentioned earlier. My wife I think underestimates how shallow I can sometimes be as a man. I cheat once in a while, not every day, because I can get away with it or perhaps, I am willing to actually get away with it because of the kind of wife she is. She trusts me to a fault and I don’t do anything to make her doubt her trust in me. I married a good woman; she’s not troublesome.

DBM: Say something to your spouse from your heart.

YEBOAH: Babes, you are a gift to me and the kids. And because of how important you are to me, I am motivated to give my best to you. I cherish you as my partner for life. I will do my best not to play games with your heart.

Image Credits: Ketut Subiyanto

HARDER THAN A ROCK

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

Hello Mr. David,

Sometimes I feel like killing my four-year-old son. Since that child was born, I haven’t been able to have sex with my wife at home. He doesn’t allow it, and I am not joking. I have not had sex with my wife at home since his birth. We plan to have sex outside though, in hotels and short trips during weekends, without the boy. But not in our own matrimonial bed. Four years’ ago, I was anticipating my son’s birth. Mr. Dave, meeting my baby for the first time was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. Becoming his father was a big adjustment for me, but I did not know I was also going to encounter unexplainable hatred for him in addition. He is always holding his mother’s breast.

Three months after the gift of fatherhood, it hit me that I wanted to resume having sex with my wife. The urge was so strong, I wanted it ASAP. I discussed it with my wife and we were both on board. The moment we started kissing, he started crying. My wife had to move to him. That evening, when I tried removing my wife’s underwear, he started to cry again. Ah! The thing bi say, the moment my wife attends to him, she totally forgets about me. The crying during attempted sex continued for a week. One day, I asked my wife not to mind him and rather let us have sex. She was a few seconds in giving me a hot bj when BOOM, something fell. We rushed to check and it was our baby, he had fallen from his court. He cried so hard my testosterone level dropped from nine to -2055. My libido dipped for four months straight. I went on a guilt trip because I thought it was my fault.

When he was six months old, I tried to have sex again with my wife in our bedroom. The moment the baby sensed his mother’s vibe with me, he started his drama. We locked our bedroom door, but he managed to stop us five minutes later. He had swallowed a coin and almost died. The evil boy has swallowed or tried swallowing TV remote battery, pins, crayons, buttons, pepper, broken glass, wood metals, etc. just to prevent me from having sex with his mother. He broke my TV when he was two years old, cut himself with a knife to bleed, turned on the gas cooker and almost lit a match.

In a nutshell, Mr. Dave, I am tired of practicing patience with that evil child. I don’t know what to do. Now that he goes to school, I still can’t have sex with my wife at home because our phones ring and it’s his teachers. Anytime we want to have sex, he collapses at school or swallows something sharp and bleeds. Am I the only parent with such a child?

Image Credit: Ksenia Chernaya

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