Blog – Page 15

Let’s Talk To JJAS

Written by David B on November 7, 2023. Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 159: June-July-August-September

DBM: Hello JJAS. How would you describe yourself?

JJAS: Not sure how

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

JJAS: Four

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

JJAS: I want to confess an affair I’m involved in to my wife. I am not sure whether or not I’d be making the right decision by volunteering this information.

DBM: Why the sudden need to tell her?

JJAS: I have a child on the way

DBM: With the other woman?

JJAS: Yes. And a child is not a secret I want to hide

DBM: Are you certain you’re prepared to share more information about your affair than you’d really want to?

JJAS: I don’t know, Dave

DBM: What do you know then?

JJAS: Do you think I should tell her what is happening?

DBM: What is happening?

JJAS: Oh, bro! But I just told you?

DBM: Which questions would be overly personal in your opinion, should she want to know details?

JJAS: I am not sure

DBM: Do you know what could make me confess an affair, assuming I’m involved in one?

JJAS: What?

DBM: If I respect my partner enough to want to tell the truth

JJAS: I respect my wife

DBM: Then she deserves the whole truth. You don’t have to hide anything from her.

JJAS: I need a favor

DBM: I’m all ears

JJAS: Can you act as my wife and ask me potential questions you would have asked?

DBM: I’ve been cheated on before, so I know the questions I asked my ex

JJAS: Can you role-play with me?

DBM: What, in your opinion, gave you permission to cheat on me?

JJAS: I felt neglected by you

DBM: Neglected in what sense?

JJAS: You take me for granted. You take our marriage for granted

DBM: Is the affair over?

JJAS: I don’t know

DBM: This should be a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ question

JJAS: Not really

DBM: Meaning, no?

JJAS: The affair is not over

DBM: Will it ever be over between you two?

JJAS: Maybe

DBM: Depending on what?

JJAS: I don’t know, man. Can you go to the next question? I don’t think my wife will ask these ones

DBM: Because you don’t think she’s got the smart?

JJAS: That’s not what I mean

DBM: How do you feel about what you’re doing outside of our marriage?

JJAS: I feel terrible

DBM: Do you even feel guilt?

JJAS: I do. I’m very sorry

DBM: Is this the first time you’re cheating on me?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: Is this the truth?

JJAS: Dave, it’s not the truth, but I can’t tell her that

DBM: Why not?

JJAS: It’s gonna make things worse, and I don’t want that

DBM: Well, in this role-play, I am acting as your wife, and I deserve to know the entire story

JJAS: This is not the first time I am cheating on you

DBM: When was the first?

JJAS: While we were dating

DBM: How many times have you been with other women while dating and married to me?

JJAS: 4 to 5 times

DBM: Which is which?

JJAS: Five times, bro

DBM: How many prior to marriage?

JJAS: Just 2

DBM: So, you’ve been with three other women since we married?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: Are you a serial cheater?

JJAS: I am not

DBM: How would you define a serial cheater?

JJAS: Serial cheaters are womanizers. I am not a womanizer

DBM: What are you?

JJAS: Next question

DBM: Do you know why I am asking this particular question?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: Why?

JJAS: You want to know if you can trust me

DBM: No! I’m asking to figure out whether or not you are capable of changing your behavior.

JJAS: I can change

DBM: How?

JJAS: I know I can change

DBM: What do you really feel about me?

JJAS: I love you very much, and it is unfortunate that this has happened

DBM: What has happened?

JJAS: This

DBM: What is ‘this’?

JJAS: Dave

DBM: Yeah

JJAS: Next question

DBM: Did you think about me while engaging in all ‘this’?

JJAS: Not really

DBM: On a scale of 1 to 10, how emotionally invested are you into me and our marriage?

JJAS: 10

DBM: It cannot be 10, if you’re having an affair elsewhere

JJAS: Nine?

DBM: Smh!

JJAS: Hmmm!

DBM: Does she know you’re married?

JJAS: She does

DBM: Does she know about me?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: What have you told her about us?

JJAS: She understands that I love my wife and children, and will never leave nor forsake them. She also knows I will not marry any other woman in addition to my wife

DBM: How does she feel about being the other woman?

JJAS: She knows her place and what not to expect from me

DBM: What’s her place?

JJAS: She cannot come between me and you

DBM: She’s already in there, somewhere. Why is she in a relationship with a married man?

JJAS: I can’t answer that question for her

DBM: How does she feel about you?

JJAS: She loves me

DBM: As in, in love?

JJAS: Yes

DBM: For how long has this been going on between you two?

JJAS: Almost three years

DBM: Are you emotionally invested in that relationship?

JJAS: You want the truth?

DBM: Yes please

JJAS: It’s a beautiful relationship that I would love for it to continue for the long haul

DBM: Why?

JJAS: It’s different from what we have

DBM: How different?

JJAS: I don’t think I can explain it like that

DBM: What is she offering you that I am not bringing to the table?

JJAS: She’s always available to me. You have a lot going on with you all the time

DBM: A lot going on with me in what sense?

JJAS: Work, motherhood, complacency, etc. You’re always stressed or tired, etc.

DBM: That is the wrong I did to warrant an affair?

JJAS: That’s not what I am saying

DBM: Does she work?

JJAS: Yes, but she is always making time for me

DBM: I used to make time for you, no?

JJAS: Yes, when we used to date. Now, you’ve changed

DBM: So, that is what she’s doing better than me?

JJAS: Something like that

DBM: How many kids do you have with your wife?

JJAS: 2

DBM: Is this other lady also a mother of two?

JJAS: No

DBM: Has she a child?

JJAS: She’s pregnant

DBM: Are you responsible for the pregnancy?

JJAS: I am

DBM: How easy was it for you to be lying to me?

JJAS: It hasn’t been easy, Dave. It’s a constant battle to tell or not to tell

DBM: Are you in love with her

JJAS: I am

DBM: You see a future with her?

JJAS: I already have a future

DBM: With whom?

JJAS: You

DBM: And, what does it look like?

JJAS: It could be better

DBM: I see

JJAS: What do you see?

DBM: An end to our marriage

JJAS: My wife will not say that

DBM: How do you know?

JJAS: I know her. She believes in marriage and hates raising children outside of marriage.

DBM: Okay!

JJAS: Are you done with the questions?

DBM: I am

JJAS: What would you have done in her shoes?

DBM: I already answered that question

JJAS: When?

DBM: Before you assured me your wife wouldn’t see what I could see

JJAS: An end?

DBM: The END

JJAS: You cannot forgive a mistake? Should every little thing end in divorce?

DBM: Forgiveness is something that only takes place between me and GOD

JJAS: Explain

DBM: When someone I trust, intentionally hurts my feelings, I go to GOD on my knees and work out the forgiveness bit of it. I do not come to you to discuss forgiveness because I want to let you off the hook. I choose to forgive, not because I want to set you free. Only GOD can save you from your deeds.

JJAS: You will not forgive me?

DBM: I choose to forgive simply because GOD wants to set me free

JJAS: Hmmm

DBM: Participant 157, Kerry, left a question for you: ‘If you had Ghs 155,000 in your account, and your husband or wife stole Ghs 15,000 from you, would you be upset and throw all the remaining Ghs 140,000 away in hopes of getting back at your husband or wife? Or move on and live?’

JJAS: I will keep the 140k. It’s better to hold on to something than nothing at all. 15k can be re-made in a couple of years to come.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

JJAS: What can you do to help my wife heal from this confession?

DBM: Thank You!

Image Credit: Afeez Ajibola Yusuf

Let’s Talk to Aggrey and Lora

Written by David B on October 30, 2023. Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 158a: Aggrey. I am doing this with my wife.

Participant 158b: My name is Lora

DBM: Hi Aggrey and Lora. How would you describe yourselves?

Aggrey: I am a man willing to understand my wife’s point of view, and listen to anything she has to say. I am 44 years

Lora: I’m a wife and mother. I’ve been married for 12 years. I’m a lawyer by profession, and always want to hear the truth, because I try to tell you what I believe is the truth.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Aggrey: 8

Lora: I am 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Aggrey: I came across your Blog and the conversations you’ve been having with people. I shared it with my wife, months ago to read, and we’ve both expressed interest in participating. We’ve agreed to put our marriage under your microscope

DBM: Hehehe

Aggrey: You can ask us any question

DBM: That includes uncomfortable questions?

Lora: Yes

DBM: Okay! What are you astoundingly good at?

Aggrey: I have the ability to have good fun. I also know how to express my feelings, desires and needs without mincing words. I know how to make you laugh.

Lora: That’s very true. We have a lot of humor in our marriage, and we know how to laugh together. What he forgot to also add, he makes his relationship with me a priority, no matter what.

Aggrey: Oh! I do?

DBM: Lol!

Lora: Yes dear, you do. You choose to always spend your free time with me.

Aggrey: But I spend my Friday nights drinking with buddies too

Lora: True, but you’re home before 9:30 pm. You’ve been consistent with that over the years

Aggrey: I guess, I try to be considerate with your feelings. And I want nothing more than to make you as happy as possible

Lora: I am truly happily married to you

DBM: Happy wife, happy life couldn’t be more true

Lora: Exactly!

DBM: What are you amazingly good at, Lora?

Lora: I’m good at making my marriage awesome. I do not compare my marriage to the ones I see around me, especially, on social media. I am good at discussing everything with my husband; if I am happy, I tell him about it. If I am worried about something, I tell him about it. If I am getting scared, confused or in fear, I tell him about it. If I accomplish something, I tell him about it

DBM: And, is he genuinely interested in listening to you?

Aggrey: I love to see my wife thrive and smile

Lora: I am also very good at my job. I am a combination of high intelligence, strong analytical and advocacy skills; I have the ability to communicate effectively – both in verbal and writing. I am passionate about my practice area, and have grasped excellence as an expert in my field. I appreciate the business side of law, but I am more conscious about the outcomes of my arguments.

DBM: What’s the last book that you couldn’t put down?

Aggrey: ‘Lucky Me: A Memoir of changing the odds’ by Rich Paul

Lora: ‘A Heart That Works’ by Rob Delaney. I am currently reading ‘The Extraordinary Life of an Ordinary Man’ by Paul Newman

DBM: What did you want to be when you were 15 years old?

Lora: A lawyer

Aggrey: I’m not sure what I wanted to become at that age. I wasn’t a serious kid

DBM: What do you place first in life?

Aggrey: Me, myself and I

Lora: God, followed by my own needs; and then that of my husband’s, children and others

Aggrey: Dave, can you answer the same question?

DBM: I have a personal relationship and communion with GOD, and so, like Lora, I try to do right by GOD. And then, would do right by myself. The third would be, to do right by those I love.

Aggrey: Nice

DBM: What one thing do you enjoy doing with your partner?

Aggrey: Sex isn’t the most important thing in my world, but it is one of my top needs in our relationship. I enjoy watching my wife walk in a lingerie in the bedroom. I’m a very visual guy, so she looking sexually desirable, gets me into the mood. One thing she does every Friday evening when I return home from work or out drinking with my guys is, I will enter our bedroom, and she’s sprawled on our bed, in one of her delicate and sexy lingerie, waiting to play. I get instantly aroused.

Lora: I enjoy date nights with my husband. Once every week, we go out clubbing, dancing or partying. Other times too, we just go out to eat and talk. We go on road trips or just decide to travel outside of Accra. If we are not doing any of these things, we’re out going for a stroll, in a slow, relaxed way for our enjoyment. Some of these simple things aren’t tied to a tight budget. Enjoying a moment with the one you love shouldn’t always be about money.

DBM: What is your favorite memory from when you were dating? And, what do you think made it so fun?

Lora: My favorite memory with him from the past is still my present, fortunately for me

DBM: You care to share?

Lora: The effort he put into wooing me. How he pursued me. How he would date me. How he would take me out on a regular basis – just the two of us. Till date, he still plans for us to get away from the house, just to be alone with me.

Aggrey: The friendship we built is my favorite memory of us. The fun aspect of it would be how I managed to always persuade her to keep her trust in me.

DBM: Which of your body parts is your favorite?

Lora: My brain would be my favorite part. I think it’s what makes me who I am

Aggrey: Mine is my broad shoulders

DBM: What is your favorite part of who you are?

Lora: My honesty and ability to listen and learn. My husband knows I will remain faithful and will not cheat on him

Aggrey: I’m a protector, the defender of my family. I take ownership in leading my wife and children. I’m proud of the way I love unconditionally and sacrificially.

DBM: Have you cheated on your wife before?

Aggrey: Yes

DBM: How long ago?

Aggrey: 9 years ago

DBM: Was it a one-time thing?

Aggrey: It happened twice

DBM: With the same person?

Aggrey: No

DBM: Why did you cheat?

Aggrey: I traveled and had gotten so horny. I was also feeling lonely

DBM: Does your wife know about it?

Aggrey: Yes. We discussed it, and she suggested I got laid

DBM: She suggested what?

Lora: I gave him permission to find a woman to fuck

DBM: Did he place such a request before you?

Lora: No!

DBM: Have you cheated on your husband before?

Lora: I have not

DBM: Are you okay with the idea of your husband sleeping with other people?

Lora: I am not, but if I am not in the position to satisfy him at any point in time, I will not mind giving him permission to find someone to satisfy his needs.

DBM: Will you be okay with your wife sleeping with other men?

Aggrey: No

DBM: Why not?

Aggrey: Her emotions may get involved, if she ends up liking the other guy

DBM: Emotions are not involved in your escapades?

Aggrey: What I did in the past was just for the sex

DBM: Had your wife not suggested what she did, would you still have cheated?

Aggrey: Probably

DBM: And, would you have come clean to her?

Aggrey: As in, tell her?

DBM: Yeah!

Aggrey: Probably not

DBM: Why not?

Aggrey: I wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings

DBM: If you could invite any one person into your bed, who would it be and why?

Aggrey: Into my bedroom in the presence of my wife?

DBM: Yes

Aggrey: That is simple: Anita A. Akuffo. She reminds me of my wife. She has a bubbly personality, and just like my wife, she looks her most confident when she’s smiling, laughing or dancing. I don’t like TV but I watch TV because of her

Lora: I wouldn’t mind a threesome with John Dumelo. No, I would prefer my husband rather takes a seat to watch us in bed. He’s very handsome, and gentle. His arms can cuddle and treat a woman tenderly.

DBM: Is there a sexual act that you would like to try, but afraid to ask your partner?

Aggrey: My wife and I have tried a lot of different stuff when it comes to sex

Lora: I’d love to try sex in our car, at night, in town

Aggrey: We can plan and try it before the year ends? It can be fun

DBM: Do you think you have grown lazy in your relationship?

Lora: I don’t think so. I am still excited about my husband and our marriage

Aggrey: Our relationship is active and strong.

DBM: What is your favorite kind of porn to watch?

Lora: LOL!

DBM: Wait! Let me rephrase the question: How do you feel about your spouse watching porn?

Lora: I’ve caught my husband watching porn so many times. I am not bothered by it. We sometimes watch porn together in bed; it’s fun to watch fun stuff and talk nasty with him sometimes.

Aggrey: I love porn

DBM: How do you take each other for granted?

Aggrey: I wish I could participate more with household support.

Lora: I don’t want to do life alone, and I know you do your best to keep me happy. Just increase your participation in raising our kids, and most importantly, in decision making.

Aggrey: I will try

DBM: Thank you, Aggrey and Lora.

Image Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko

Let’s Talk To Kerry

Written by David B on October 17, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 157: Kerry

DBM: Hello Kerry. How would you describe yourself?

Kerry: A fun puzzle

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Kerry: Six

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Kerry: I have a complex job that advocates and engages in the practice of going nude with my clients.

DBM: Prostitution, you mean?

Kerry: No! Sex is not part of the services I provide. I have an office that books my clients. They enter my chambers for a session, and we sit and talk, while naked.

DBM: What do you talk about?

Kerry: It depends on what the client wants to talk about

DBM: Your clientele attracts which gender?

Kerry: Men only

DBM: I see

Kerry: Time inside and outside of each session with a client is prearranged and well spent. We end up always achieving a fruitful outcome within specific time constraints.

DBM: Are you married?

Kerry: Yes. My husband and I have kids together

DBM: He knows about the kind of job you do?

Kerry: He doesn’t. He only knows about my other profession

DBM: Which is?

Kerry: I prefer not sharing that information

DBM: So, you’re a counselor of a sort – with this particular gig?

Kerry: I am a channel most men choose to reason with.

DBM: What is so special about this other job you do?

Kerry: It gives my clients the opportunity to get to understand women, and also, talk about the issues that brought them to me.

DBM: What is the demographic analysis of your clients?

Kerry: 60 to 65 percent of the men are married, 30% just dating and the 5% single. They’re between the ages of 34 to 55 years. I am not sure how to categorize their income criteria. They work in different sectors across board.

DBM: All the men come to you to discuss the women in their lives?

Kerry: Most do; others just come to stare at me and talk about whatever is on their minds at the time.

DBM: You work with a staff?

Kerry: I have a receptionist and two security or body guards at post

DBM: They know what you do in your chambers?

Kerry: Not sure

DBM: Why do you have to be naked with your clients?

Kerry: Every man loves to admire a naked woman to the fullest

DBM: Every straight man, you mean?

Kerry: Lol! Yeah, I guess. Lol! I have a great body, though I am not so proud of everything about me. But it seems like most of these guys don’t even mind what I see to be flaws on my body. They see me, and the first things they all say is, ‘you’re a very beautiful lady’.

DBM: I see. Remind me again, the men ought to be naked too, no?

Kerry: When you enter my offices, your booking and time is confirmed by the receptionist, and then my attention is drawn to your presence. One of the security men then leads you to the first chamber, and closes the door behind you. Every chamber has a scent. The men smell it the minute they walk in the door. It’s an intentional process in forming the first impression they may or not have of me. There is a video of me on a 65-inch TV screen, welcoming the client and giving a few instructions before walking to the main chamber to meet with me. One of the instructions is to get undressed.

DBM: Why is that important?

Kerry: I feed my eyes too, though the main objective is to help the men based on their exact challenges. Every client I have come in contact with desires to touch me, or cuddle with my soft body. We all go naked because I want them to feel good at the sight of something so soft without the fear of feeling judged or ruining their experiences with me. We basically turn ourselves on by staring at each other, before the mutual conversations start.

DBM: Is it a safe environment to find yourself in, with a naked man?

Kerry: There are cameras in the chambers and my security is a button push away from me. It’s been a safe practice so far.

DBM: You mind me asking how much you charge?

Kerry: 45 minutes with me is Ghs 1,200

DBM: Is business good?

Kerry: Business is really good.

DBM: Clients every day?

Kerry: Every day. Most return because I am good at tailoring our conversations to each client’s needs, preferences and expectations

DBM: You work on weekends?

Kerry: No. And I don’t work when I’m on my period

DBM: What is the one theme running through the conversations your clients have with you?

Kerry: They want to satisfy their desire, and simply move on with their lives

DBM: I see

Kerry: I reached out to you because I don’t know how my husband will perceive me if he’s to find out about this service I provide.

DBM: How would you feel if he were to be providing similar services to women?

Kerry: I don’t know how I would feel

DBM: Would you be able to trust him?

Kerry: I don’t know

DBM: Would you believe him if he told you he wasn’t sleeping with any of his clients?

Kerry: No!

DBM: Why not?

Kerry: A lot of things goes through a man’s mind when he sees the nakedness of a beautiful woman.

DBM: Even in a professional setting?

Kerry: Yeah!

DBM: Participant 156, Price, left a question for you: ‘Do you have the courage to be lonely?’

Kerry: Being lonely sometimes becomes a quiet time to enjoy my own company. I get to know and understand myself better. I don’t have to be seeing myself through the eyes of people. Yeah, I have the courage to be lonely.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Kerry: If you had Ghs 155,000 in your account, and your husband or wife stole Ghs 15,000 from you, would you be upset and throw all the remaining Ghs 140,000 away in hopes of getting back at your husband or wife? Or move on and live?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Anna Nekrashevich

Let’s Talk To Price

Written by David B on October 10, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 156: Price

DBM: Hi Price. How would you describe yourself?

Price: I am where I am meant to be in life, and with the one I am meant to be with

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Price: I would say, 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Price: I want to talk about Mercy

DBM: Who is Mercy?

Price: My beautiful wife

DBM: That’s nice to know

Price: She’s been the perfect helper for me all these years

DBM: How long have you two been married?

Price: We are in our 25^th year this year

DBM: Congratulations!

Price: Thank you!

DBM: What makes Mercy stand out and not blend in?

Price: My wife is very capable. She’s smart, loyal to a fault; a strong woman, merry and genuine with her actions towards me

DBM: How did you meet?

Price: She used to sell close to my former workplace and I used to buy from her

DBM: What was she selling?

Price: Kenkey and fish

DBM: Ga or Fante kenkey?

Price: Kɔmi

DBM: I see

Price: Yeah

DBM: At what point did you know you were in love with her?

Price: I knew for the first time, the day I heard some of my colleagues at work discussing her

DBM: Discussing her in what manner?

Price: One wanted to pursue and just have sex with her

DBM: And, what was going through your mind after hearing this?

Price: I thought she didn’t deserve to be played

DBM: What made you any different from the other guy?

Price: I was interested in investing in her business

DBM: Why?

Price: Because she made good kenkey, and her shito was really good

DBM: It was business for you then, no?

Price: Business with a certain level of interest

DBM: Did you ever tell her the kenkey and shito were that good?

Price: I did, and so did everyone

DBM: When was the second time you knew you were that much into her?

Price: When I would go to her house to help her prepare the aflata.

DBM: What is ‘aflata’?

Price: It’s the fermented dough cooked with water. I would help her add it to the uncooked dough, before forming it into balls and steamed.

DBM: You knew how to make kenkey prior to meeting her?

Price: No! She taught me the process and I ended up practicing with her. I was the one also putting the corn husks in the bowl of warm water to soften, until they were pliable. I learnt a lot from her.

DBM: What else did you learn from her, aside the kenkey preparation?

Price: A lot. They weren’t direct lessons though. For example, I learned how to thrive in the workforce from her work ethic. I also got to understand that, in as much as she wanted a husband who had earning power, she wasn’t looking for a man to be the sole provider. I got to appreciate her ability to accept a man for who he is. In fact, prior to dating, we had become really good friends and had mutual circle of friends. She was, and still is attracted to smart men because education is important to her. She has a masters degree. She had a bachelors in Marketing when she used to sell kenkey.

DBM: Interesting

Price: Yeah!

DBM: Why do you think she liked you?

Price: I think she knew I was the real deal

DBM: Meaning?

Price: I had her best interest at heart. She knew I cared about her and was willing to help and support her the best way I could. She knew my work wasn’t as important to me as building a home and family. Emotionally, we were both mature; she knew she could count on me. I am trustworthy and good looking. Lol!

DBM: Smh!

Price: It’s the truth, Dave. I’m fine as hell. But on a more serious note, I was attracted to her positive energy and I loved her kind heart. Mercy is hands down, the sweetest, most loving and caring, hardworking woman I know. She is a great wife, excellent mother and my best friend.

DBM: What are some of the downs you’ve had to face in the marriage?

Price: I had one or two affairs, which I am not proud of. She caught me at a point, and separated from me. That was one of the difficult moments in our marriage.

DBM: Why did you cheat on her?

Price: She fell ill, and was bedridden for almost a year. I wasn’t getting any from her and so I thought it was okay to get it elsewhere.

DBM: Did you love whoever you were getting it from?

Price: It was strictly sex. My family is incredibly important to me

DBM: Okay!

Price: Another low was when one of our kids died

DBM: That could be the ultimate tragedy

Price: There is nothing more devastating. It takes a whole lot more than dedication to live through such a loss

DBM: There are no words

Price: Hmmm!

DBM: How did Mercy get over the news of your affair?

Price: My wife, first and foremost, is a forgiving person. She’s still not healed totally from my betrayal and I doubt there is any guarantee she’d be able to. I had to put a stop to it and was willing to completely, call it quits. There hasn’t been any form of communication or friendship between me and the other women. I had to go on my knees to apologize to my wife and children.

DBM: Children?

Price: I had to take responsibility and also let her feel my remorse through my children. I wasn’t willing to lose the woman I love. I had to even forfeit my rights to privacy. I made everything (phones, passwords, location, etc.) available to her perusal.

DBM: Participant 155, Jude, left a question for you: ‘What would you have done differently, if you were in my shoes?’

Price: If I were in Jude’s shoes, I would have stood by my wife’s decision. Dave, my wife makes me. I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true. Mercy does complete me. Our wives are always the ones picking up the slack when we are or not around, and usually do this with all the support they know they can give to make things alright.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Price: Do you have the courage to be lonely?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Austin J. Best

Let’s Talk To Jude

Written by David B on September 24, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 155: Name is Jude

DBM: Hello Jude. How would you describe yourself?

Jude: A widower. I am also a single-father

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Jude: Three

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Jude: When I am at work, everything seems okay, as if nothing has happened to me. But then I come home to an empty house; no wife, no home cooked meal. I have to now go to the kitchen and cook for myself. She was more than just my wife; she was my fashion designer. She chose what I wore because she had the perfect eye for dressing. I never imagined I would be grieving the loss of my wife, my best friend. I feel completely lost, Dave. I miss my wife so much. A huge part of me is absent.

DBM: How long were you married?

Jude: We would have been 10 years in December, 2023

DBM: How did she die?

Jude: She felt bloated and constipated, after undergoing surgery. She donated her kidney to our daughter. She was hospitalized for four nights due to the rate of her recovery process. According to the doctor, she could have lived a normal life with just one kidney. The hospital claims her death was not as a result of the surgery nor kidney failure. I have still not been able to process everything that I am feeling at the moment.

DBM: Which surgical procedure was performed?

Jude: Laparoscopic, I heard

DBM: You heard?

Jude: I was not consulted before undergoing the surgery.

DBM: You did not know about it?

Jude: My wife brought it up for discussion and I was emphatic about my disapproval of her decision.

DBM: Why were you against it?

Jude: Our daughter’s kidneys had begun to lose their function and were worsening over time. The disease had reached its late-stage and required dialysis and a transplant.

DBM: Which stage was your daughter’s condition?

Jude: Stage 5. Her GFR (mL/min) was less than 15. She had trouble concentrating, she couldn’t sleep, had puffy eyes, was vomiting every now and then; her skin started to darken, her urine was foamy, etc. Dave, a whole lot was going on with our daughter, I preferred her dead. She became numb more times than I had seen her smile or laugh.

DBM: How many kids do you have?

Jude: One

DBM: I shared a synopsis of your situation on my Facebook timeline, five days ago, and asked people who had questions for you to send them to me. This is from Richard Qophi Testimony: “What factors or considerations led you to make such a difficult choice between your daughter and your wife?”

Jude: When I was dating my late wife, I made it clear that my priority was mainly to build a life with her. My job as a parent is not to protect my daughter. My job is to raise her with high self-esteem. My wife was the love of my life way before we even got pregnant. And nothing about my love for her changed, even after welcoming our daughter into our lives. Unfortunately, her attention switched from me to our daughter. When our daughter became seriously ill, and ultimately, a financial burden, one of the doctors suggested we considered letting her die peacefully – since we are still young and can get pregnant again. I thought through it thoroughly, and I was going to choose my wife over my daughter.

DBM: In your household, what are your priority list?

Jude: My needs come first, the needs of my wife come second, my daughter’s needs come third, and then that of my household needs as fourth.

DBM: This question is from Tracee Fry-Annan: “Will you consider therapy?”

Jude: I am not in the mood for therapy

DBM: Ruckie Ama Oboubi asks, “Do you see your wife’s decision to donate her kidney to your daughter as a form of guarantee towards her own total recovery?

Jude: Unfortunately, no. I see it as selfishness on her part.

DBM: Ruckie has a second question: “Would you have been proud of your mother if she had made a similar sacrifice for you, irrespective of your father’s disapproval?

Jude: Yes

DBM: Why is that?

Jude: Because she is my mother. My mother is not my wife.

DBM: When a woman is pregnant, her maternal love grows along with the baby in her womb. You know that, no?

Jude: I know

DBM: Your wife’s life took on a new meaning and suddenly was filled with the spirit of selflessness, no?

Jude: Yes

DBM: A woman’s child automatically becomes her topmost priority when her baby is born, you know that, no? Giving up so many things become natural to a mother. So far as it’s for the good of her child, she would do it without really thinking twice.

Jude: That is why I had an agreement with my late wife before we got married and pregnant, not to shift our priorities no matter what. And she agreed to it.

DBM: Simnyewuni Cinta asks, “Would you have been able to watch the love of your life wallow in grief for losing her only child?”

Jude: I would have been by her side to mourn our daughter. She wouldn’t have been going through loss all by herself. My wife knew in her heart that she could come to me with anything, at any time; no matter what the issue was, and no matter what mood I was in.

DBM: She came to you with a difficult decision that made absolute sense to her. And what did you say?

Jude: You will not understand me, Dave. I had a pact with my wife.

DBM: Regardless, she consulted you before making this big decision that has affected you both.

Jude: And what came out of her big decision?

DBM: Your daughter’s good health and being alive

Jude: To the detriment of?

DBM: Hmmm! Anane Wisdom Cyke Mawulolo wants to know the age of your daughter?

Jude: She’s seven years old.

DBM: Yaw Aboagye asks, “What was the survival rate of the surgery? And, what caused the death of your wife during recovery?

Jude: Her doctor says she had over 89% chance of surviving. They still do not know what caused her death.

DBM: Participant 154, Kuukua, left a question for you: ‘Do you think people are replaceable?’

Jude: My wife is not replaceable. I will not allow myself to be placed in a position of supplication.

DBM: Is your daughter replaceable?

Jude: Next question, please!

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Jude: What would you have done differently, if you were in my shoes?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Yusuf Çelik

Let’s Talk To Kuukua

Written by David B on September 11, 2023. Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 154: Kuukua is my name

DBM: Hi Kuukua. How would you describe yourself?

Kuukua: An open, easy book

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Kuukua: 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Kuukua: My husband does not share his fears with me. He is not vulnerable with me. I don’t know what his difficulties are. What am I missing?

DBM: What are you expecting of him?

Kuukua: Dave, I share everything with my husband. I tell him about my day but he doesn’t volunteer information as much. My intention is for us to establish trust and some level of closeness. This is making me feel uncomfortable. It’s like, he’s keeping secrets from me

DBM: In-as-much as I get where you are coming from, I don’t think being married to him means sharing all the last details of your life with him.

Kuukua: Why not? He is my husband. We’re supposed to be one unit. ‘And the two shall be one…’

DBM: Withholding information pertaining to an aspect of my day doesn’t necessarily mean I am keeping a secret from you.

Kuukua: I don’t subscribe to your opinion on this matter

DBM: Everyone has the right to some level of privacy. Have you not, even for once, desired to be alone with your thoughts?

Kuukua: I have, but at the end of the day, I share my thoughts with my husband

DBM: That’s your choice. His may be, to keep certain things to himself

Kuukua: And what if – him doing that troubles me?

DBM: What if, him sharing his deepest thoughts with you also makes him uncomfortable?

Kuukua: Why should he feel uncomfortable telling me things?

DBM: Giving a man his privacy, most of the time builds a certain degree of intimacy with you. If he doesn’t feel coerced or made to feel uncomfortable to disclose an information about himself, he will feel safe and respected. This feeling makes us want to open up and be vulnerable around you. This, also makes us comfortable to want to share what’s really on our minds.

Kuukua: My husband is comfortable talking about important issues with another woman

DBM: How do you know this?

Kuukua: I go through his phone while he’s asleep

DBM: You realize what I was talking about?

Kuukua: What?

DBM: Respecting boundaries. Do you seek for his permission before touching his phone?

Kuukua: No, and I am doing nothing wrong by going through his phone

DBM: Do you love him?

Kuukua: So very much

DBM: Does he know how much you love him?

Kuukua: He does

DBM: So, he doesn’t feel unloved, alone or bitter around you?

Kuukua: I don’t think he does

DBM: Hmmm! Why is he seeking emotional companionship outside then?

Kuukua: That’s what I am trying to understand. He talks to this other lady about me, our children, and even about things going on in his family that I had no idea of

DBM: Things like?

Kuukua: Giving money to his sister to expand her business.

DBM: Do you have a problem with that?

Kuukua: I don’t. All I am saying is, I want to know about these kinds of things. My husband is going through depression, and I do not know about it. But he tells this other woman. He asks her also about what to get me as gifts on special occasions. Every present or surprise that he’s pulled on me or made me experience were suggestions from the woman.

DBM: Do you know this other lady?

Kuukua: I do

DBM: What do you think is the nature of their friendship?

Kuukua: I think it goes deeper than it meets the eye

DBM: What’s your reason?

Kuukua: Because they discussed it in one of their chats. They both had identified a potential connection between them.

DBM: What type of connection?

Kuukua: Sexual tension

DBM: Is the lady married?

Kuukua: No!

DBM: I see

Kuukua: Your guess is as good as mine

DBM: I think your imaginations may be running wild

Kuukua: If it looks like a duck…

DBM: You need to refrain from trespassing upon your husband’s phone

Kuukua: I can’t

DBM: Question: Do you share everything with him because it makes you feel better or you desire the change and transformation it may bring to you two?

Kuukua: Because I think it’s the right thing to do

DBM: Participant 153, Ola, left a question for you: ‘Why did you forgive the person who hurt you the most?’

Kuukua: I forgave him because it’s a relationship I want to keep. Keeping tabs on what he did to hurt my feelings only made me hate him. I don’t want to hate the man I love

DBM: This is in reference to your husband, no?

Kuukua: Yes

DBM: You mind me asking what he did?

Kuukua: He had an affair

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Kuukua: Do you think people are replaceable?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Davd Kuko

Let’s Talk To Ola

Written by David B on August 27, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 153: Ola

DBM: Hello Ola. How would you describe yourself?

Ola: The older I get, the more promises I break, and the baggage heaping on

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ola: 4

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ola: I want render a public apology to my wife. I’ve hurt her feelings and I feel like a terrible husband.

DBM: You did not hurt her feelings because you’re a terrible person. It’s just human nature to disappoint people

Ola: You don’t know what I did

DBM: What did you do?

Ola: I did the one thing I promised her I would never do.

DBM: Let me guess, you had an affair?

Ola: Yes, and got the other woman pregnant.

DBM: I see

Ola: I’ve tried to explain things to her but she’s not making time for a sit-down. I see her reading from your blog and Facebook

DBM: You’ve hurt the poor lady’s feelings. Demanding her time isn’t the best thing to do now

Ola: How then am I supposed to get her to forgive me?

DBM: Request for her audience. And, don’t expect her to grant it anyways

Ola: But she’s my wife

DBM: What does that mean?

Ola: I don’t know what it means. I’m just saying

DBM: Don’t mock a pain you haven’t endured. Let her be till she’s ready to hear you out

Ola: It’s been three months, Dave

DBM: So? Keep waiting

Ola: Till when? I’ve told her a million times how sorry I am

DBM: How long have you been married?

Ola: 7 years

DBM: Give her some space

Ola: Even after three months?

DBM: Does she cook for you?

Ola: Yes

DBM: When was the last time you had sex?

Ola: Eight days ago

DBM: If she’s giving you sex, why are you still pestering her for her attention?

Ola: She’s not giving me any sex

DBM: But you had sex with her eight days ago, no?

Ola: It wasn’t with my wife

DBM: Who did you have sex with?

Ola: The other lady

DBM: I don’t know you personally, but you remind me ice cream, and not vegetables. You want to only make your wife feel good but not with the intention of helping her grow.

Ola: That’s unfair. You don’t know me like that

DBM: Your wife has not given you attention because of the pain you caused her. She’s hurt as a result of your actions. An action you’re still engaging in. Maybe I’m missing the point: how are you going to offer her comfort and compassion to ease the hurt she’s feeling?

Ola: Body no bi firewood, Dave

DBM: Are you even capable of doing right by her?

Ola: I am

DBM: I see

Ola: She needs to get over it. I’m getting tired of everything

DBM: Meaning?

Ola: The marriage. She’s constantly reminding me of betraying her trust

DBM: But you know you betrayed her trust in you, no?

Ola: And I’ve told her how sorry I am. The other woman doesn’t even mind me being with other women. She knows I love her and will be there for her when she needs me. Why can’t my wife think along the same lines?

DBM: Because you wife doesn’t encourage the lowest version of you.

Ola: Dave, all men cheat

DBM: With a mentality like this, you would only be making things worse between you and your wife.

Ola: I’m not sure what else to say to make things better between us

DBM: But you want to help make things better between the two of you?

Ola: Yes

DBM: You mentioned loving the other woman?

Ola: I love her, but I don’t think I’m in love with her

DBM: Are you excited about the baby she’s expecting?

Ola: Well, if it’s a boy, why not

DBM: What if it’s a girl?

Ola: Same thing

DBM: Is this pregnant other woman, the only other woman you’ve been with since you married your wife?

Ola: Yes

DBM: But you said she’s okay with you being with other women, no?

Ola: She’s told me she wouldn’t mind if I want to

DBM: Tell me a little about her

Ola: She’s given me more than her heart. She loves me even when I’m not worthy of her love. She supports what makes me happy

DBM: Tell me something about your wife

Ola: A beautiful woman, hardworking, funny and fantastic mother to our children. We’ve been through a whole lot together

DBM: You have the opportunity to talk to your wife. What do you want to say?

Ola: I know you said sorry isn’t enough but I’m sorry. I feel awful to have upset you. I take full responsibility for my actions and nothing that I have done is as a result of something you did. I was wrong and I apologize.

DBM: Participant 152, Dexter, left a question for you: ‘Share with me a moment in your life that you will never forget’

Ola: I did not go to work, two days to the birth of our first child. I had cleaned the entire house as my welcoming package to my wife and our first child. I felt so sad and helpless watching her endure the pain of frequent contractions. I will never forget when she started to push at the hospital. I saw my son’s head before he came out, crying.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Ola: Why did you forgive the person who hurt you the most?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Ketut Subiyanto

Let’s Talk To Dexter

Written by David B on August 18, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 152: My name is Dexter

DBM: Hi Dexter. How would you describe yourself?

Dexter: Rosemond’s husband

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Dexter: Seven

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Dexter: This is not a popular opinion but mine with women. The women I have been with, including my wife, all seem to shoot blanks when it comes to their dealings with me. This includes my wife’s interpretations of my actions as a man, and her husband in our marriage. The least-appealing thing I do, and a woman in my life is resentful of me. Bro, guys are simple people oo

DBM: We can be simple, I concur

Dexter: I don’t need much to be happy with my life, unlike my wife. I am a man of few things, just like what you will find in my wardrobe.

DBM: What do you need to be satisfied, as Rosemond’s husband?

Dexter: I want my respect, our shared mutual affection and great sex. Dave, that’s all I want from a woman

DBM: Does your wife make available to you these needs?

Dexter: You remember the scale you put me on from 1 to 10?

DBM: Yes

Dexter: I am 7 because she supplies my needs the best way possible

DBM: Is 7 enough?

Dexter: I wouldn’t mind a 9

DBM: Can she get you to a nine?

Dexter: My wife can work hard to help me achieve it. She’s focused and has a clear vision of how she wants her marriage to be. She’s determined to get what she wants and deserves.

DBM: But do you also deserve a woman like your wife?

Dexter: I think I do. I will do anything for that woman. Dave, won’t you do anything for the one you love?

DBM: I am loved well, so yes.

Dexter: A man is a simple thing to figure out.

DBM: I am a communications person but would hardly communicate my concerns in my relationship. How do you talk about serious issues bothering you in your marriage?

Dexter: My wife knows how to measure my level of happiness. She can tell between my moods to know I am unhappy about something. We fight, we argue, but it doesn’t extend. For her, she will make sure she’s heard – if my actions or attitude bothers her. She doesn’t believe in silence when something is troubling her. She does not expect me to read her mind, while she can talk about it.

DBM: I see

Dexter: I married a woman who ensures that both she and those close to, and around her are treated with respect and dignity. My wife will always get to the point when she has something on her mind to discuss

DBM: What if you’re not in the mood to reason with her?

Dexter: The truth is, avoiding a conversation you’re not interested in doesn’t resolve the problem at stake. She knows how to gently help me put my pride aside to talk about difficult issues.

DBM: And, are you able to sit and talk?

Dexter: Always

DBM: How so?

Dexter: She rewards me when I prioritize what is important to her

DBM: Do you do it because you know there is a reward you like being offered you at the end?

Dexter: Yes and no. Yes, because I love the reward she presents. When a naked woman sits on my lap to discuss what she feels I am doing wrong to hurt her feelings, what do you think I would do? Turn away from such a conversation?

DBM: Sex is the reward?

Dexter: Sex should be one of the kind gestures towards reconciliation.

DBM: After the sex, then what?

Dexter: Happiness on her face, smiles, positive energy and mood, love at every glance, special attention, happy wife, happy husband

DBM: Smh!

Dexter: What?

DBM: How long have you been married?

Dexter: 13 years

DBM: Nice

Dexter: I am proud of myself when I am able to make my wife happy. That’s what I live for, as her husband

DBM: I see. What else comes to mind when you think of your wife?

Dexter: Being her protector and lover. My wife is not my best friend. I have a best friend. But she is my closest friend.

DBM: Who is your best friend?

Dexter: A childhood friend

DBM: Male or female?

Dexter: Female

DBM: I see

Dexter: She’s married

DBM: But you’ve tapped that A$$?

Dexter: That was before I met my wife

DBM: Why didn’t it work out?

Dexter: We weren’t good as a couple, but we are solid as friends

DBM: She feels this same way about you?

Dexter: Yes. It was her idea to break things off. She found her right guy to love. I am her right friend to relate to.

DBM: Do you miss her as an intimate friend?

Dexter: No. I like our friendship better

DBM: Have you cheated on your wife before?

Dexter: Yes, once

DBM: How long ago?

Dexter: 8 years ago, I think

DBM: What led to that?

Dexter: I was out of Ghana to further my education

DBM: So, it happened while you were away?

Dexter: Yes

DBM: Did you love the other woman?

Dexter: It was an arrangement. No strings attached. She needed it for herself too. Sex buddies and study mates.

DBM: Where is she now?

Dexter: I haven’t stayed in touch with her since returning home

DBM: Does your wife know?

Dexter: She doesn’t

DBM: Why not?

Dexter: She doesn’t have to know every bad decision I make. I’ve owned up to myself with this wrong deed. I know I made a bad decision, and I’ve taken responsibility of my action. I am doing better so far.

DBM: My prayer every morning is to at least, try to do right by GOD, do right by myself and do right by others, specifically, my significant other.

Dexter: There is no excuse for what I did. That’s the reason why I do not see the need to hurt her feelings by telling her.

DBM: Participant 151, Forrest, left a question for you: ‘How do you process the feelings of confusion or loss?’

Dexter: We have a lot more clarity than we think of ourselves as a people. I am able to reason with myself to not get carried away when down.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Dexter: Share with me a moment in your life that you will never forget

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Desmond Gatimu

Let’s Talk To Forrest

Written by David B on August 13, 2023. Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 151: Forrest

DBM: Hello Forrest. How would you describe yourself?

Forrest: I’m in need of a distraction of a sort from the pressure that comes with being a husband. I want what I want out there, but with the security of a wife still intact at home.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Forrest: I’m a 6 now

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Forrest: My wife traveled to go further her education. It’s a decision we both agreed on. It’s also been her desire to pursue higher education. But most importantly, I did not want to come across as a control freak, regulating my wife in what she can or cannot do. I want to be the best husband possible when it comes to encouraging the mother of my children to achieve her dreams.

DBM: That’s commendable. Marriage, under no circumstance should oppress anyone, especially, women from sustaining that momentum in their lives. I think it is the responsibility of every married man to help guide their wife’s focus, when it comes to their academic pursuit.

Forrest: I want the best for my wife

DBM: Exactly! So, give her enough room to manage the aspirations she can measure, and also, pursue the choice she decides on

Forrest: She’s back from the study and I am very proud of her. The problem I am unable to deal with is, in her absence, one of her close friends used to come by with cooked meals and other forms of help to support me. At first, it was purely friendship and we both acknowledged it for what it was. But it grew into something else

DBM: Something else like what?

Forrest: An attraction

DBM: On your side or hers?

Forrest: Both sides

DBM: At the same time?

Forrest: I think so

DBM: Who was the first to draw the other’s attention to their feelings?

Forrest: I was

DBM: And, what did she say?

Forrest: She had been feeling it too.

DBM: Your wife knew about her bringing in food, etc.?

Forrest: She knew the first time she brought in foodstuff, but I stopped telling her when I realized I liked her friend.

DBM: Liked her in which capacity?

Forrest: I didn’t know then, to what extent

DBM: What else does your wife know about your engagements with her friend?

Forrest: Not much

DBM: Is she a single woman?

Forrest: No, she’s married

DBM: You know her husband?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: What else have you done with this woman?

Forrest: Hmmm! A lot

DBM: Have you kissed?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: Have you had sex?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: How many times?

Forrest: A number of times

DBM: You’ve slept with her in your matrimonial bed?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: How many times?

Forrest: A number of times

DBM: Has she any kids?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: How does she manage to come to your house if she has a family of her own?

Forrest: We were making time for it

DBM: Forgive me for asking these questions but I want to gain insight into your reasons for cheating

Forrest: I understand

DBM: Why did you cheat?

Forrest: Emotionally, I didn’t feel connected with my wife due to her absence

DBM: What is your definition of emotional connection?

Forrest: Physical affection and sex

DBM: Meaning, this is something you know of yourself?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: Your wife knows this too about you, no?

Forrest: Not really, though she knows I love sex

DBM: Prior to her absence, had there been any records of infidelity on your part?

Forrest: Once or twice

DBM: That she knew of?

Forrest: No

DBM: Were there underlying issues that might have contributed to all these?

Forrest: No, we have a good relationship

DBM: Was the affair with your wife’s friend purely physical or emotional?

Forrest: I’ve fallen in love with her

DBM: When did you realize this?

Forrest: Six to seven months after my wife had left the country

DBM: How long have you been married?

Forrest: Almost 10 years

DBM: Were you using protection with this woman?

Forrest: Not really

DBM: How about with the other ladies?

Forrest: Yes, but not always

DBM: Is there a reason why you are unable to talk to your wife about what is going on in your life?

Forrest: I don’t want to hurt her feelings

DBM: Will there come a time you believe you can be honest to your wife about your feelings for her friend, and maybe, try to explain your reasons why?

Forrest: I’m not sure

DBM: Do you feel what you’re doing is bad?

Forrest: I don’t know

DBM: Why don’t you know?

Forrest: It’s confusing

DBM: Are you a good man?

Forrest: I think I am

DBM: Is this woman also in love with you?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: So, what’s the plan?

Forrest: We’ve decided to keep our distance, now that my wife is back

DBM: Till when?

Forrest: Till we can get over the feelings

DBM: So, you’re going to cut contact with her, all at once?

Forrest: No

DBM: Is this love, something you feel you deserved?

Forrest: Yes. It was good for me

DBM: Because it filled a vacuum?

Forrest: Not really. I think because it was different

DBM: Meaning, you could have still felt this way about her, whether or not your wife had traveled?

Forrest: Yes

DBM: You’re certain both of you have the correct expectations about your future?

Forrest: For now, yes. Ours respective families should come first.

DBM: Participant 150, Ozigbodi, left a question for you: ‘What has been on your heart or mind lately?’

Forrest: My wife. My marriage. My family, and my feelings for the other woman, and what it represents.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Forrest: How do you process the feelings of confusion or loss?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: August-de-Richelieu

Let’s Talk To Ozigbodi

Written by David B on August 9, 2023. Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 150: Ozigbodi

DBM: Hi Ozigbodi. How would you describe yourself?

Ozigbodi: My life involves growth

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ozigbodi: 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ozigbodi: I smile now, and for the first time in my life I don’t feel alone. I feel so comfortable with myself. I think I am in love, but I am not so sure. How does it feel like to fall in love?

DBM: Is this your first relationship?

Ozigbodi: No

DBM: Is it your first time feeling this way with a man?

Ozigbodi: Yes

DBM: How long have you known this person?

Ozigbodi: We’ve been friends for nine years

DBM: What type of friendship?

Ozigbodi: He is my boss at work. Acquaintances, no strings attached. But I knew the first day we talked in his office, that we were going to be great friends. He felt comfortable talking to me about his personal issues; with time, I was also able to put my walls down to trust him with my personal information.

DBM: Was he single when you first met?

Ozigbodi: He is a divorcee

DBM: Okay! So, single then?

Ozigbodi: To the best of my knowledge, yes. We’ve grown closer in the years as best friends.

DBM: Are you having sex with him?

Ozigbodi: Yes

DBM: For how long?

Ozigbodi: Since 2017

DBM: I see

Ozigbodi: I used to be married too

DBM: How long were you married?

Ozigbodi: 5 years. We divorced in 2014

DBM: What led to the end of your marriage?

Ozigbodi: It was really not anyone’s fault. My ex-husband was a great man. We were just not compatible. We were two very different people and our priorities couldn’t align. That’s what I think broke our marriage.

DBM: To the extent that it was beyond repair?

Ozigbodi: Yes

DBM: So, on what grounds was the divorce filed?

Ozigbodi: Incompatibility

DBM: You had kids?

Ozigbodi: Yes, two

DBM: Are you compatible with the new relationship?

Ozigbodi: I am the first person he calls to share every detail of his day with. And, this has been him since we both realized our friendship was good for us.

DBM: Can you date back to this particular day?

Ozigbodi: Yes, it was the 19^th of September, 2012. A Wednesday, to be precis

DBM: This is the date you also knew there could be more to the friendship?

Ozigbodi: Yes! I found myself acknowledging that he was the first person I would call every evening, to share every detail of my day with. Even though we worked at the same firm. My ex-husband also seemed to have found his person he enjoyed sharing details of his day with.

DBM: Do you know why your current guy got divorced?

Ozigbodi: Yes, adultery or cheating

DBM: With whom?

Ozigbodi: Not sure. I didn’t want details

DBM: But he did the cheating?

Ozigbodi: Yes

DBM: Alright!

Ozigbodi: He has made the effort to reorganize and reimage his life to please me. What will make me happy is his priority now. I do same for him.

DBM: Good for the both of you. So, what’s the way forward?

Ozigbodi: I want marriage

DBM: You’ve discussed it with him?

Ozigbodi: Yes

DBM: And?

Ozigbodi: I’ve told him I cannot imagine dating him for all these years, doing the cohabiting thing, and giving him and our relationship my everything without him also considering putting a ring on it.

DBM: Is marriage what he wants?

Ozigbodi: Not at the moment

DBM: But it’s a possibility?

Ozigbodi: I don’t know. I know he wants to have a child with me. I know he enjoys being intimate with me. I know he wants to make and share a home with me

DBM: But he doesn’t want to make you, his wife?

Ozigbodi: Hmmm!

DBM: Is he financially fit?

Ozigbodi: Yes

DBM: What’s his concern?

Ozigbodi: He thinks marriage will twinge his current lifestyle.

DBM: Which is what?

Ozigbodi: Late-night out with his friends, and the freedom to do whatever makes him happy

DBM: I see

Ozigbodi: He doesn’t want a situation where he has to go through another divorce. He’s also told me he feels comfortable with the security of his financial assets if no woman is his wife. He says a wife will take all his money if there is to be a divorce

DBM: What’s going through your mind right now?

Ozigbodi: Do I need marriage to legitimize my relationship with my boyfriend?

DBM: I know many people who are okay committing their lives to their partners outside of marriage. Question is, is that what you want?

Ozigbodi: No!

DBM: Participant 149, Sipho, left a question for you: ‘how do you evaluate success?’

Ozigbodi: When I am authentic in my dealings while loving what I do. I feel like a success right now because I am committed to what I love.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Ozigbodi: What has been on your heart or mind lately?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Adrienne Andersen

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Let’s Talk To Ozigbodi

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