Let’s Talk To Chibueze

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 135: Chibueze

DBM: Hello Chibueze. How would you describe yourself?

Chibueze: Married but single

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Chibueze: A good 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Chibueze: We had been married for 10 years when my husband decided to leave me and the children. It happened quite suddenly, and he had made it clear to his parents, uncles and mine that there was no guarantee that he would return to me. To me, and the rest of the world I had the ‘perfect’ marriage, that when my husband told me he had fallen out of love with me – there were no warning signs with the size of a billboard clearly perceptible from a distance that rainy afternoon. It took me by surprise, Dave. In fact, he was the one always busy with work and life and had taken me and the children for granted.

DBM: Do you work?

Chibueze: I am an Associate Professor

DBM: Okay!

Chibueze: I will not downplay his responsibilities towards the children; he’s been providing for their every need. He was just not home enough to spend time with them. I, on the other hand wasn’t his priority after our 5th year in marriage. I realized it, and before coming to terms with it, was the spouse doing almost all of the giving, pleasing and compromising without getting anything back. On our 8th year of marriage, my well ultimately run dry and couldn’t put in as much effort to make our marriage what it used to be. My focus now was on my children and my own needs.

DBM: I can understand you. It’s very easy to see checkmate when I am not the one playing the game.

Chibueze: You play chess?

DBM: I have a fair idea of the game

Chibueze: Okay! And you’re right. I got scared of failing my children, that was why I made the decision to commit every breathing second of the past years immersed with my husband, even though he wasn’t showing any enthusiasm on his part to make our relationship a priority. I wanted him to want our marriage so bad that I actually forgot how to even love myself. He would only pretend to care about me when he wanted sex. My nine-year old daughter once said to me, ‘Mummy, I know daddy loves me and Joshua, but I don’t think he loves you like the way he loves us.’

DBM: Oh mine!

Chibueze: Yes, even my first child had noticed the friendship between her parents was gone

DBM: Or perhaps, was never even there to begin with?

Chibueze: Uhm, it was there in the beginning

DBM: Okay!

Chibueze: Or maybe not. You can never tell these things accurately. Dave, I held on for so long with the hope of him coming to his senses but he left the house for work, two years ago, and never returned to us. The children made me aware he was visiting them at school and would sometimes, take them along for the weekends and holidays. It was also through the children that I got to find out he was living with another lady, and that, they had a baby sister.

DBM: Hmmm! A friend of mine went through a similar ordeal. This is actually very familiar to me

Chibueze: How did she manage?

DBM: Oh, she’s doing way better in life now as a single mother than she was as a married woman. Sometimes, it’s just not worth it to be holding on to foolishness for foolishness’ sake

Chibueze: My husband wants to come back

DBM: Come back to what?

Chibueze: Me and the children

DBM: What did you do after finding out he has a child with another woman?

Chibueze: Nothing. Unfortunately, I had checked out of the whole being attentive to, and involved with him phase.

DBM: When I’m offering my very best and it’s still not enough, then you’re the wrong person I’m probably giving my all to.

Chibueze: That was the point I reached.

DBM: I’m interested in what’s actually changed for him

Chibueze: I haven’t asked. His family went to my family to plead on his behalf

DBM: What did his family do when they found out he’s moved in with another woman?

Chibueze: I didn’t tell them anything

DBM: But they knew, no?

Chibueze: They probably did

DBM: Do you want him back?

Chibueze: I started to chat with a guy last year and he’s expressed interest in me. I like him. I think I’m falling in love with him

DBM: What are you going to do?

Chibueze: I’ve been speaking with my lawyer and he thinks I can walk away from the marriage. My only concern is with the children. They didn’t ask for all this

DBM:  Will the kids have to change schools if you divorce?

Chibueze: Not really. No!

DBM: Will their relationship with you and their father be affected in any way?

Chibueze: No!

DBM: Can you and your husband be pleasant and accommodating when it comes to transitioning into the role of co-parenting?

Chibueze: Yes. The kids’ best interest will be at the front of every decision we’d take

DBM: Your children will be fine.

Chibueze: Hmmm!

DBM: Participant 134, Quinton, left a question for you: ‘Where lies your belief, God, luck or numerology?’

Chibueze: My personal belief is in God. Of course, I’ve also had doubts about His existence, but when I think of all the things/mysteries I’ve come to intuitively know and understand, which ordinarily, should be beyond my logical reasoning, my hope in things to come – which never seems to die, the extent at which my heart can love, there can only be a living God behind it all. I don’t think God is a math equation to be solved. God cannot be as a result of a conducted test. I just choose to have so much respect for God.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Chibueze: If you had to be in a long-term relationship for two years without your spouse’s physical presence, would you remain faithful?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Valdans Media

Let’s Talk To Quinton

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 134: It’s Quinton

DBM: Hi Quinton. How would you describe yourself?

Quinton: I know when to step in, take over or encourage.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Quinton: 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Quinton: Her phone rang under the bench next to the neem tree. It might have fallen from her bag. It rang the second time before I could locate it and answer. She was at the saloon, calling with her hairdresser’s phone. I answered and could hear her sigh heavily. I told her where I had found her phone and she explained she was there 35 minutes prior to read, eat and meditate. She wanted to come back for it but I asked for the location to the saloon, since she didn’t drive. When I first saw her, she just another girl, nice face though but just another nice face. I gave the phone to her and she wouldn’t stop thanking me. She mentioned her name; again, just another nice name. I went back to my car and she walked towards me, ‘boss, I didn’t get your name’, she asked. She did not get my name because I didn’t mention it. I told her my name, and she speculated aloud, why I hadn’t asked for her phone number yet. I laughed, she smiled and there it was – something peculiar, her smile. The smile got me hooked. I wasn’t in a hurry to leave for a meeting anymore.

DBM: Hehehe. I love to see people wear their smiles too

Quinton: We started talking and before I realized, I was in the saloon waiting for her hair to be fixed. Before I realized, I was paying for her beautiful hairstyle. Before I realized, I was taking her out to eat. Before I realized, I was driving her home. Before I realized, I was extending my right had to shake hers. Before I realized, she was hugging me. Before I realized, I had walked her to her door. Before I realized, I was kissing her passionately.

DBM: All this in a day?

Quinton: All of that in six hours.

DBM: At this point, I mean, after the first kiss, what was going through your mind?

Quinton: Do you believe love can be found in six hours?

DBM: Yes

Quinton: Are you sure?

DBM: I am very sure

Quinton: Great, because I instantly knew I had found the woman I could marry

DBM: You mind me asking how you knew?

Quinton: I felt an instant connection to her. I rescheduled an important meeting just to spend time with her at the saloon. That was so un-like me. I hadn’t felt anything so strong like that before. It was a good feeling that engulfed me that day

DBM: All because of her smile?

Quinton: That is what a good smile can do

DBM: What did you talk about when you took her out to eat that day?

Quinton: We talked about ourselves, families, dreams and aspirations – and with every passing minute, I slowly witnessed something extraordinarily true, large and amazing unfolding right before my eyes with every word she spoke.

DBM: How old were you?

Quinton: 36

DBM: How old was she?

Quinton: 35

DBM: Oh, nice! And, how long have you two been together?

Quinton: We’ve been married for 8 years. We dated for a year.

DBM: Kids?

Quinton: We have a son

DBM: How is marriage life?

Quinton: It’s an interesting journey to embark on. I always thought my wife was perfect till I realized she had flaws too. Whenever she does something to get on my nerves, I look back at the 90% good in her to teach my temper how not to shout. She’s not mean nor petty. She doesn’t number all of my wrongs to remind me of them; She gives me my space; I allow her hers. Respect is mutual, the friendship is tight, the love is deep. There is always that new window into our lives because we try doing things differently, to see the other sides to us. Sex is magnificent. There is something special about my wife that I am always attracted to every day, and she feels the same way about me too.

DBM: Have you cheated on your wife before?

Quinton: I found myself in an emotional entanglement 4 years ago with my Personal Assistant. It wasn’t a physical pursuit, but emotionally, it was something deep.

DBM: You loved her?

Quinton: I liked her

DBM: Do you like your wife?

Quinton: I like my wife

DBM: Is the ‘affair’ still ongoing or it ended?

Quinton: I had to end it

DBM: Why?

Quinton: Somehow, my wife suspected I could be having an affair, so she confronted me about it. I felt very embarrassed she found out her husband could be an unfaithful man.

DBM: Well… At least, you weren’t physical with the other woman, no?

Quinton: Cheating emotionally can be just as destructive to my marriage as a physical affair would.

DBM: True. How did your PA suddenly become something else on your mind?

Quinton: It started innocently, actually. We work together most of the time during the week. We see each other a lot in a work at the office. Work relationship turned to friendship and she began confiding in me about her personal life. I don’t know how it happened but I started sharing my personal thoughts and plans with her too. As the days went by, the level of familiarity between us augmented. I didn’t see it escalating into something else till my wife asked me if I was seeing another woman.

DBM: What was your response to her question?

Quinton: I told her I could be falling in love with another woman.

DBM: What was her reaction?

Quinton: She asked me to put a stop to it because it would hurt her feelings, and that, she may not be able to come back to what we have should I go ahead and cheat.

DBM: What’s your wife’s profession?

Quinton: She’s a teacher

DBM: Did you put an end to it?

Quinton: I did. It’s not been my style to hurt my wife’s feelings. She means the world to me

DBM: Participant 133, Leroy, left a question for you: ‘You own a crystal ball that could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your past, present, the future and anything else. What would you want to know?’

Quinton: My past with women was not pleasant. I could fake a serious degree of romantic interests just to get laid. I knew how to become the answer to a woman’s prayer, and then, leave them broken afterwards. This is a part of me I am no longer proud of. What I would want to know is, how my wife has become the woman I run to when I am not happy, the person I trust to open up to about anything… The woman who made me believe in love again.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Quinton: Where lies your belief, God, luck or numerology?

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Leroy

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 133: Leroy

DBM: Hello Leroy. How would you describe yourself?

Leroy: Proactive and ambitious in life

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Leroy: 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Leroy: I recently found out that my wife consumes a lot of porn. The first time I saw it, I didn’t think of making an issue out of it. But I am beginning to feel bothered by it after seeing it on her phone again. From the little I saw, she prefers a certain type of man, because her browsing history had specific searching, tall, well-built black hunks. I am not that so what does that mean?

DBM: How often do you have open conversations about sex with your wife?

Leroy: Not often

DBM: What do you truly feel about her watching porn?

Leroy: I think it’s a form of cheating

DBM: Okay?

Leroy: And it makes me a little uncomfortable and jealous

DBM: Would you be okay to watch it together if she’s to invite you to it?

Leroy: Why would I do that?

DBM: I have a friend who finds it stimulating to watch pornography with his wife, to the extent of even considering it a vital aspect of their foreplay.

Leroy: No

DBM: How important is your intimate life with wifey?

Leroy: Very important

DBM: So, the sex talk does happen between you two?

Leroy: When I’m frustrated and tired of not getting her to see things from my perspective

DBM: Do you know what your wife likes in bed?

Leroy: I think so

DBM: You give her exactly what she wants during sex?

Leroy: I try. I mean, I can’t read her mind to know everything

DBM: Have you confronted your wife after finding this out?

Leroy: No. It annoys me to bring the conversation up

DBM: Why does it annoy you?

Leroy: It just does. And it makes me not feel valued

DBM: Ask her why she watches porn

Leroy: Hmmm!

DBM: You used to watch porn yourself, no?

Leroy: Yes, but I stopped a long time ago

DBM: Why did you stop?

Leroy: I had my wife to satisfy me

DBM: Why were you watching porn those times?

Leroy: Dave, I like sex, and I like watching attractive women have sex. It’s a turn on for me

DBM: Do you think you’re good enough in bed?

Leroy: I am. The women praise my abilities

DBM: Including your wife?

Leroy: Sometimes

DBM: But which woman has categorically told you she’s pleased by the things you do to her during sex?

Leroy: I have this friend I mess around with. She’s excited about whatever I can do in bed with her and I am completely taken by her excitement.

DBM: When was the last time she gave such feedback of feeling pleased?

Leroy: Just last week

DBM: She’s married?

Leroy: No

DBM: Oh, okay! I’m guessing after every session, you leave her some money etc.

Leroy: I’m taking care of her needs basically, and I like her because she appreciates me.

DBM: Your wife doesn’t?

Leroy: Not to the level I am experiencing right now

DBM: What is the current state of your relationship with your wife?

Leroy: I think she’s damaging the connection and emotional intimacy between us with her porn delight. I’m gradually pulling away from her and may ultimately, uncouple from our sex life.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Leroy: 9 years

DBM: How often do you have sex with your wife?

Leroy: Not often

DBM: Explain

Leroy: She’s not willing to try different things with me, but I’m not complaining. This other lady I’m talking about gives me breakfast and quickies after feeding me. I feel like a man when I hold her

DBM: Was that the reason why you had to resort to the other woman?

Leroy: Partly

DBM: Explain your need for sex?

Leroy: Dave, it’s just like my cravings for food

DBM: You think you can die without having sex?

Leroy: Lol! I know what you’re trying to do

DBM: Smh! What kind of mindset do you have when you think about sex?

Leroy: I don’t understand the question

DBM: For example, I have a growth mindset about sex, because I believe sex changes with time. Just like our traditions, they keep evolving with time. So, how I choose to create a memorable experience with my body, with a loved one, in a defined setting or atmosphere is what I choose to call my unique experience, which I am pleased with.

Leroy: I agree

DBM: So, what is your mindset like?

Leroy: Yeah, I’m open to giving it and being received. I try new stuff all the time and it spices things up

DBM: Do you create these new experiences with your wife during sex or you pay it forward to her after being with the other lady?

Leroy: My wife can be very boring

DBM: Meaning?

Leroy: No initiative from her part. But with this other girl, I am able to last longer in bed

DBM: Are you one of those guys immixing longer sex with better sex?

Leroy: Sometimes, it is. Going the long distance can be steamy

DBM: And marathonic

Leroy: Not to me. My wife always wants me to stop after the first 10 minutes

DBM: Why?

Leroy: She says I keep too long. Says the woman with a porn addiction

DBM: Has it occurred to you that she probably enjoys pleasing herself with porn because masturbation helps her to achieve her desired sex?

Leroy: Whatever makes her happy

DBM: Participant 132, Asher, left a question for you: ‘What do you enjoy about your job?’

Leroy: I’m fairly compensated; the benefits that come along with the salary is also great. My job gives me the freedom to do other things which balances with my personal life. The working environment is less stressful and my employer provide us with the needed tools to reach our daily goals.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Leroy: You own a crystal ball that could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your past, present, the future and anything else. What would you want to know?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Andrea Piacquadio

Let’s Talk To Asher

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 132: Asher is fine

DBM: Hi Asher. How would you describe yourself?

Asher: Funny, cocky, confident, charming and assertive

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Asher: Eight

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Asher: I’m a social media influencer with over 30k followers. For some time now I’ve been reading messages from people asking for my help. I’ve been contemplating on asking for donations from my followers to help support those asking for help. I know you’ve had similar experiences in the past and would want to know how to go about it.

DBM: Raising money for a good cause is a good thing. I commend you for considering it

Asher: Thank you! Why don’t you crowdfund anymore on your platform?

DBM: I got to know some people were playing smart with me.

Asher: How?

DBM: They were in the habit of jumping from one platform to the other with all sorts of sad stories just to get financial support.

Asher: I understand, but there are genuine cases too

DBM: Yes

Asher: How were these monies being sent to you?

DBM: They weren’t sent to me.

Asher: I don’t understand

DBM: I usually would ask the person in need of help, if they’d be comfortable sharing their mobile money number, so I attach to the post

Asher: Money transfers weren’t sent directly to your MoMo?

DBM: No. If I can recall, only four people have specifically asked to send their donations to my number/bank account, to be forwarded to the persons in need. Anytime such happened, I would take screenshots of their messages and transfer receipts and post publicly. I make public posts with screenshots also of me transferring the funds to the individuals in need.

Asher: Why didn’t you want to raise the funds using your number?

DBM: I have just one mobile number, and I wasn’t comfortable putting it out there. I’m a very private person and wouldn’t want to be engaging so many people on phone

Asher: But you interact with a lot of people on Facebook

DBM: Yes

Asher: What is the difference here?

DBM: My phone number is personal; I don’t have a lot of contacts on my phone, and I am very okay with that. Also, because I receive a dozen inbox messages on Facebook each day, I’m unable to respond to every single one of them. Some people because of that, would call or WhatsApp at will – if my number was out there.

Asher: You don’t want to talk to people?

DBM: I’m not good at that. My phone can go three days without a ring from anyone, and that makes me happy.

Asher: Not even WhatsApp?

DBM: I WhatsApp every day, but with just one or two people at most

Asher: Wow! But what if the person seeking your help isn’t okay sharing their number publicly?

DBM: I give them options to find a trusted relative or friend to use their numbers, or I’d simply use my discretion to find one FB follower that people trust to use their number to collect the donations.

Asher: Is it because you don’t trust yourself with money?

DBM: I trust myself with money; I just don’t want to be responsible for, and involved with other people’s money.

Asher: Alright! I want the donations to be made directly to my MoMo

DBM: Okay!

Asher: I feel like I’d be the best person to account for it

DBM: Sure

Asher: Also, I want people to know about what I’m doing for others. It’s all part of the branding

DBM: Okay!

Asher: Do I have to give the entire amount received to the person in whose name I raised the funds?

DBM: Yeah!

Asher: Would it be unprofessional if I gave 80% and kept the 20%?

DBM: Kept it for what?

Asher: As my ‘well-done’ benefit or even use it for other good causes? Money isn’t easy to come by these days

DBM: If your motive truly is to assist others in need, then it’s wrong to take from what they’ve been given. If you’ve ever been in the position to ask a stranger for help, you’d realize you do so because you feel there isn’t anyone else out there you feel safe enough to confine in; someone who would understand your predicament, and if possible, offer help. So, if they tend to see you as that person they can trust, and feel comfortable opening up to, then you owe them your honesty to say the least.

Asher: I will think about it. Is there any other way I can use my platform to raise money to support the needy?

DBM: You can charge people with small businesses who would want to advertise their goods and services on your page, and then use the money for your intended charity projects.

Asher: Thanks Dave

DBM: You’re welcome! Participant 131, Ira, left a question for you: ‘Do you think it’s better to stay friends with exes, or to cut ties with them? Are you over your ex?’

Asher: I still have this strange attachment to the last woman I dated. She’s moved on but I’ve not. I did some bad stuff and she couldn’t trust me anymore. I believe she was the right person for me; however, I betrayed her trust and it hurt her feelings. I did care about her, though I was selfish with some of my decisions. She has totally cut ties with me, and I have learned my lesson as to why our relationship didn’t work out the way I wanted it to. I wish I could stay friend with her but she’s not ready for that.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Asher: What do you enjoy about your job?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Monstera

Let’s Talk To Ira

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 131: Ira

DBM: Hello Ira. How would you describe yourself?

Ira: I have to have money

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ira: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ira: My wife doesn’t want to be married again but I do. How do I get her to want to stay married?

DBM: How long have you been married?

Ira: 7 years

DBM: Seven good or bad years?

Ira: It’s not been an easy journey but it wasn’t all that bad

DBM: Why does she want out?

Ira: She says I do not meet all of her needs

DBM: Meaning?

Ira: She’s not happy

DBM: What were her expectations of you and the marriage?

Ira: I don’t know

DBM: You have to ask her

Ira: She doesn’t know how to explain her feelings at the moment

DBM: Did she have any ‘problems’ with you prior to getting married?

Ira: Everybody had a problem or two with their significant others before marriage

DBM: Those problems do not go away after the wedding, you know that, no?

Ira: I know

DBM: You need to find out why she’s not happy

Ira: That’s the problem, she’s not able to point out the specifics. All she says is, ‘this marriage is not serving my best interest. I am not happy. I will be better off single’

DBM: Do you believe she would be happy as a single woman?

Ira: We have children, Dave. I feel that our personal pursuit for happiness shouldn’t be the first priority. The kids are

DBM: I disagree

Ira: Why?

DBM: Did you marry her because of children?

Ira: Not really

DBM: Why did you get married?

Ira: Because she used to make me happy and vice versa

DBM: So, which of you stopped trying as hard to keep the other happy?

Ira: I’d say she did

DBM: Why is that?

Ira: She became all about the children. She put me second.

DBM: Who is your first now?

Ira: Certainly not my wife

DBM: There’s a new first?

Ira: I am willing to drop her for my wife and start all over again if she’s open to making our marriage a priority.

DBM: In other words, your marriage is currently on autopilot?

Ira: Something like that

DBM: I can understand why it’s failing for the both of you

Ira: Marriage is difficult, Dave.

DBM: Because marriage in itself automatically creates problems. It is rife with its own issues

Ira: And I miss being single sometimes

DBM: You miss being single because when you’re a bachelor, you only make decisions for yourself; you’re focused on you and what keeps you excited. If you have a wife, you put your marriage first. Seven years into the marriage and your love is already dwindling?

Ira: Not mine, hers

DBM: Do you know what your wife wants or needs in order to be happy?

Ira: I think so, but I do not want to start something I know I cannot sustain

DBM: Is whatever it is above and beyond your ability?

Ira: Not really

DBM: So, what’s the catch?

Ira: I have my needs and wants too

DBM: And, at what point can the two of you consider compromising?

Ira: I was the one always compromising till I got fed up

DBM: I bet your wife would say same?

Ira: Yes

DBM: So, what’s the way forward?

Ira: I want to stay married

DBM: To?

Ira: My wife of course, who else? Lol!

DBM: Why are you sleeping with the other lady?

Ira: I am not. She’s someone I used to date

DBM: And?

Ira: I sometimes miss what we used to have

DBM: Does she know you’re married?

Ira: Yes, she’s also married

DBM: Why is she the someone you enjoy talking to?

Ira: Dave, before I met and married my wife, I had a life and friends of my own.

DBM: Now you’re married, you have children, your priorities change. You focus changes. Even your energy changes

Ira: My friendship with this woman is what is keeping me levelheaded

DBM: Have you explained this to your wife?

Ira: She thinks there is something going on between us

DBM: What ingredients constitute this friendship?

Ira: It’s a beautiful bond we share. We’re good friends, committed to what we have; there is respect, trust and service; we love on the level of the love and attention we give each other.

DBM: Is there something else beyond friendship going on?

Ira: Yes, but we have no plans pursuing an affair

DBM: If you say ‘we’, you mean you’ve both identified the on-going chemistry and its probability of infringing upon your boundaries?

Ira: Yes. I don’t want to be pressured to cut her off

DBM: Is the friendship worth losing your marriage?

Ira: She’s no bad energy

DBM: Are you still in love with her?

Ira: I care about her

DBM: What does that mean?

Ira: It is what it is

DBM: Is your ex inserting herself between you and your wife?

Ira: No

DBM: Are you inserting yourself between your ex and her husband?

Ira: I don’t think so

DBM: So, say a definite ‘No!’

Ira: It is what it is

DBM: Are you pursuing your wife as much as you’re invested in whatever it is you share with this your lady friend?

Ira: I try

DBM: Is your wife your friend?

Ira: I think so

DBM: Do you value her?

Ira: I do

DBM: Do you cherish her?

Ira: I do

DBM: Do you serve her well?

Ira: I do the best I can

DBM: Do you know the best and worst of your wife, and still love her anyways?

Ira: I love her

DBM: Participant 130, Dofi, left a question for you: ‘Is it ever OKAY to lie?’

Ira: Sometimes. If you’re married to someone like my wife, lying the right way to her is what actually builds her trust in me. It’s all about when and how you tell the lie. When the intention behind what I’m saying to her is good, nothing else should matter.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Ira: Do you think it’s better to stay friends with exes, or to cut ties with them? Are you over your ex?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: David Gomes

Let’s Talk To Dofi

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 130: My name is Dofi

DBM: Hi Dofi. How would you describe yourself?

Dofi: I love to learn

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Dofi: 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Dofi: I’m in relationship with a guy I respect so much. I really wish I could put the reasons why I love him into words but I can’t. There is a problem. He introduced me to one of his uncles and he just happened to be one of the men I used to date. His uncle was the first older man in my circle of ‘daddies’ that I dated. I fell in love with him because he used to wow me with his kindness and crazy sense of humor. He was massively more committed in the relationship than I was, because he was a married man.

DBM: Is he still married?

Dofi: Yes

DBM: Why did you break up?

Dofi: He had another girlfriend. It’s a long story. Also, I was interested in a different guy

DBM: And so, you broke things off?

Dofi: He did

DBM: What was his reason?

Dofi: He needed to focus on his family

DBM: Okay! Did he?

Dofi: No. He’s the one guy I am probably going to have sex with even if I am happily married.

DBM: Why is that?

Dofi: He makes me feel like a woman

DBM: How does it feel like to be a woman?

Dofi: Safe, secure, protected, cared for, adored, loved, respected, shielded, home, free

DBM: I see

Dofi: Any woman who has ever been handled well by a good man knows what I’m talking about. Such women find themselves in a dilemma when these stand-outs show up to us suddenly for a fling. We may love our boyfriends or husbands but nothing would compare…

DBM: To that man who made you feel like a woman?

Dofi: Yes. They are the type of guys that we are physically, emotionally, mentally and monetarily attracted to, and may act on it

DBM: You met the uncle, and then what happened?

Dofi: He looked at me with his look

DBM: What look?

Dofi: That look that flirts with me to come for an expensive quickie

DBM: You’re obviously not serious about your boyfriend, no?

Dofi: I am, Dave. My boyfriend is always there for me and I love him for that

DBM: Does he know about you and his uncle?

Dofi: The issue is, I had been with his uncle a week prior to him introducing us.

DBM: Been with him, how?

Dofi: Sex

DBM: In other words, you’re cheating on your boyfriend

Dofi: Yes and no

DBM: Please explain

Dofi: I am not in a relationship with his uncle. What we share is a soul-tie

DBM: What is a soul-tie?

Dofi: It goes deeper than love; it’s not always experienced in a relationship setting.

DBM: Have you processed exactly what you’re doing to your boyfriend?

Dofi: What am I doing?

DBM: Cheating on him with his uncle.

Dofi: Hmmm!

DBM: What unrealistic expectations do you have of your boyfriend?

Dofi: None

DBM: Are you physically attracted to him?

Dofi: Very much

DBM: Does he work?

Dofi: He has a good paying job

DBM: He treats you good?

Dofi: Very

DBM: He loves you?

Dofi: He is in love with me

DBM: You can spend the rest of your life living with his character?

Dofi: Yes

DBM: He’s mature?

Dofi: He is my dream man

DBM: So, what will make you have sex with his uncle?

Dofi: I didn’t know they were related.

DBM: Let me rephrase the statement then, what will make you cheat on him?

Dofi: I don’t know how to say no to his uncle

DBM: Does the uncle pressure you to have sex with him?

Dofi: No

DBM: Why then can’t you say no to his advances?

Dofi: It’s not that simple

DBM: Simplify it for me

Dofi: Money exchanges hands. A lot of money

DBM: How much is a lot?

Dofi: $1500

DBM: Ghana Cedis you mean?

Dofi: No, Dave, USD for every meet

DBM: So, it’s about the money?

Dofi: Partially

DBM: What do you do for work?

Dofi: I have a day job. I can survive without his money but I still need it

DBM: Are you prepared to face the consequences of your actions by addressing what you’ve been up to with your boyfriend?

Dofi: Not in this world

DBM: How would you feel if he were to be doing the exact thing to you?

Dofi: I’d be hurt

DBM: Why are you doing it then?

Dofi: His uncle makes me feel invincible when I am with him

DBM: Your boyfriend makes you feel what?

Dofi: Invincible too, but on a different level

DBM: Do you know what you want?

Dofi: I know what I want

DBM: Who do you want?

Dofi: My boyfriend’s love and his uncle’s TLC which when combined, feels like an absolutely amazing field trip with lunch in a cool weather.

DBM: I see. Kindly remind me the purpose for this chat?

Dofi: I want to know if it’s okay to render to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and give to God what belongs to God?

DBM: Loving your boyfriend should come naturally to you when you realize how much he’s that much into you. You’re setting yourself up in a trap entertaining his uncle

Dofi: Ok

DBM: Participant 129, Pablo, left a question for you: ‘I am going to assume your house, containing everything you own and value, has caught fire. After saving your loved ones, you just happen to have time to safely make a final dash in there to save any one item. What would it be, and why?’

Dofi: My dildo. An orgasm before bed does wonders to my sleep. The sleep is better and sounder

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Dofi: Is it ever OKAY to lie?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Pablo

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 129: Pablo

DBM: Hello Pablo. How would you describe yourself?

Pablo: Responsible for myself and actions. I will do anything to protect those I love

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Pablo: 5

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Pablo: I married the corpse of my son’s mother before she was buried three years ago. I had been in a relationship with her for five years. She did not want marriage because she didn’t believe in it but her family wouldn’t let her be buried until I had done the traditional wedding rituals. My intention was to run away when the spokesperson from our family presented the request from the deceased’s family to me. I had packed my things and was ready to go three days before the ceremony but couldn’t move my legs that dawn. That was the first sign I should have taken seriously. My legs unlocked later in the afternoon and could walk again. I went to the bus station the next day still with the intention of not going through with the rituals; our bus was involved in an accident on the road. Nobody got hurt. These were the two strong alerts I got and had to return to do the expected of me.

DBM: But your late girlfriend didn’t want marriage, no?

Pablo: She didn’t

DBM: Why didn’t you argue her preference in her honor?

Pablo: Her family wouldn’t listen to anything

DBM: Where was your son?

Pablo: With her parents

DBM: They knew you?

Pablo: They did

DBM: And were in favor of you marrying her corpse?

Pablo: I don’t think they did but they went along with what the head of their clad had proposed.

DBM: Were you living together?

Pablo: Yes, for four years

DBM: What was the cause of her death?

Pablo: We were expecting our second child. She was nine months pregnant and was in labor. I was at work when the call came through. I got to the hospital and she was dead. The baby had died too. Her mother was in the hospital with her and had complained to the nurses about her daughter being in pain, but was ignored.

DBM: Is marriage something you wanted?

Pablo: Yes, but I wasn’t financially in the position to

DBM: Do you think that could be why your girlfriend wasn’t interested in the idea of marriage?

Pablo: Maybe, because she was very understanding of my situation

DBM: Dead women do not talk so how could the marriage ceremony take place?

Pablo: The two spokespersons from the various tribes did all the talking and negotiations. The one leading our clan officially asked for her hand in marriage, and the other head accepted. We presented the items on the lists given us to their family. My late girlfriend’s siblings also took their Akonta Sikan. The dowry was presented and placed beside her corpse.

DBM: The dowry consisted of what?

Pablo: Bride price of Ghs 2000, Gin, whisky, pieces of wax prints and clothes, Bible, jewelry, kitchen utensils, makeup, the engagement ring and food and drinks for the invited guests.

DBM: How many people were present to witness this?

Pablo: 10 family members from my side, and 10 form hers

DBM: Did you invite any friends?

Pablo: Three friends added to make my side of 10

DBM: Hmmm!

Pablo: It wasn’t easy.

DBM: The corpse looked like a bride?

Pablo: I can’t remember but she was adorned with a kente, crown-like tekua, with gold jewelries and expensive beading to accessorize her. I was the only one who touched, hugged and kissed her while she lay there, dead.

DBM: Whose cost was it to bury her?

Pablo: We split the cost 50/50 between our families. According to them, I was her husband and had to bear part of the funeral costs

DBM: How old were you?

Pablo: 33

DBM: You were so young. Did this experience have any negative effects on you?

Pablo: Depression came over me at nights, whenever I closed my eyes. I’m scared of cohabitation. I’m scared of getting a woman pregnant. Marriage is no longer part of my plans. I used to not drink alcohol but now I do. I lost my sense of sleep and found it very difficult sleeping at night.

DBM: How is your son doing?

Pablo: He’s fine. He’s gone to school.

DBM: He stays with you?

Pablo: Yes

DBM: What’s the relationship between you and your in-laws like?

Pablo: We don’t relate that well. Not spoken to any member of their family in years.

DBM: How is the feeling like, being a single parent?

Pablo: Challenging. My son is the best thing that has ever happened to me. The things I love about him cannot be put into words. He matches my daily actions and behavior, mirroring the way I speak and move my body. He loves hanging out with me

DBM: Are you up to the task of parenting solo?

Pablo: Dave, I am more than qualified to care for my son

DBM: What are some of the challenges you face?

Pablo: A lot. I am on my own running this our household; imagine if he’s to fall sick, and I have work to do, bills to pay, etc.

DBM: Do you have any plans going back on the dating market?

Pablo: I’m not ready to retire my right hand and Vaseline yet

DBM: I see. But don’t you sometimes feel alone?

Pablo: My son is relying on me entirely, and probably even counting on me to keep my shid together. He keeps me company. I am not alone

DBM: You don’t miss the warmth of a woman?

Pablo: I’m okay for now.

DBM: Participant 128, Maxton, left a question for you: ‘What gets you out of bed every morning?’

Pablo: My alarm clock. But I force myself out of bed day after day because of my son. I want to be better for him. I want to be strong for him. I want to be available to him. I don’t have the luxury of messing it up or breaking at any point. I don’t have it all figured out. I can only give it my best shot.

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Pablo: Let me see… I am going to assume your house, containing everything you own and value, has caught fire. After saving your loved ones, you just happen to have time to safely make a final dash in there to save any one item. What would it be, and why?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Ron Lach

Let’s Talk To Maxton

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 128: Maxton bro

DBM: Hi Maxton. How would you describe yourself?

Maxton: An achiever, happy and I treat people close to me well.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Maxton: 8

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Maxton: My biological father failed me. He was not that much involved in my life while growing up. I sometimes feel like I could have had a better chance of excelling on a social basis, emotionally and academically if he had been present to me. He is still alive though. The man I had the privilege of calling ‘father’ was a former school mate’s and childhood best friend’s dad. He opened his home to me when he picked his son from schools 34 years ago, and I think heard me crying. He could tell I was hungry just by looking at me. I remember his son looking at him and asking if I could go home with them. His son had been sharing his food with me for weeks but had to stop upon advisement. I wasn’t a student at the school; I went there only with the hope of finding food to eat. Even with my 12-year-old mind, I could tell he saw his dad as an example of how to express concern and care. He could empathize with me because he was sensitive to his emotions, and could express exactly how he felt about my plight.

DBM: How old was his son?

Maxton: 10 or 11

DBM: Where was your mother during this period?

Maxton: Dead

DBM: Why wasn’t your father taking full responsibility of your wellbeing?

Maxton: His wife had suggested I rather stayed with one of my uncles. My uncle wasn’t married and was never home; I was always hungry. Going to that school was my refuge. I met people who liked me, got food to eat and books to read.

DBM: What’s your relationship with your biological father now?

Maxton: I’ve forgiven him. That’s not to say I condone his neglect

DBM: Understood.

Maxton: Yeah, I demanded for an apology. I felt he had hurt me in a way that, my expected response was to do something to even up or hit him where it would hurt. But he said he was sorry, and I believed him.

DBM: What happened after the other man had seen you crying at his son’s school?

Maxton: He bought me food, and then told me to visit their house anytime I felt like playing with his son. He got me enrolled in the school and paid for my fees.

DBM: What’s your life like now?

Maxton: I’m happily married, a father of two and love my kids to death. I am enjoying the whole process of influencing the lives and wellbeing of my children. The relationship I have with them is healthy; I understand them, I’m conscious of their feelings because I make time to bond with them; we talk to one another

DBM: How important is being a father to you?

Maxton: It’s a blessing I will not trade for anything else in the world. My kids think of me as the comedian of the house because I make them laugh all the time. I love hearing the sound of their laughter and their happiness therein. Also, I thought my wife was the love of my life till my troublesome kids came along. The depth of my love for them cannot be quantified. I love to look at them fall asleep, I love to hug them back, I love the way they smell, I love to kiss them goodnight etc. They bring the better version of me that I never knew existed out to play.

DBM: What do you think your wife thinks of you as the father of her children?

Maxton: I don’t know. Unless you ask her yourself

DBM: But she’s not part of the chat

Maxton: Hold on, will call her to come answer. Her name is Adjeley

Adjeley: Hello David

DBM: Hello! How are you doing?

Adjeley: Fine, thank you. How about you?

DBM: I am doing alright, thanks. How would you describe your husband’s relationship with the children?

Adjeley: He loves them and always wants to be close to them. He enjoys teaching them new things and likes playing with them. He homeschools them during the weekends, helping them with their homework and going over whatever they had learned in the week. We do a lot of family outings too. I think because his father wasn’t that involved in his life, he’s choosing to be there for ours so the world someday can be prepared to receive them.

DBM: How is he as a husband?

Adjeley: He enjoys me and loves being near me. He tenderly shows it in the manner of ways he manages to spend time with me. He is a patient man. He is sensitive to my needs and speaks to me in a soft tone of voice. We’ve been married for 10 years and he’s never shouted at me before. He’s my buddy-buddy, has great sense of humor, he’s a great communicator and loves to talk to me about everything. He makes me happy. And, I’m well taken care of. He’s the one person I believe I can count on when the going gets tough. I trust my husband not to betray what we have built together.

DBM: Is there anything you want to say to him?

Adjeley: Mr. Quartey, you’re the only man who has made the effort to adapt to me, putting aside your own preferences just to make what we have work. I respect the way you respect me; I love the way you love me. You’re everything I dreamed for our children. You’re a great guy, and I am holding on to you till death do us part.

DBM: Thank you! Let me talk to your husband now.

Maxton: Dave

DBM: Yo! Your wife loves you very much

Maxton: The feeling is mutual

DBM: How did you meet?

Maxton: A friend introduced us. The moment I saw her, I had a hunch that she was meant for me. I fancied her. I was attracted to her

DBM: Is she a good woman to you?

Maxton: She is

DBM: How about to the children?

Maxton: She captures their attention. She’s a good mother

DBM: Participant 127, Silas, left a question for you: ‘Which is ideal, loving smart or hard – and damning the consequence?’

Maxton: I do not think I have anything to prove to anyone when it comes to loving my wife and children. I show my love the greatest way I know how, and they get it. It is not attached to the opinions of people

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Maxton: What gets you out of bed every morning?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Brett Sayles

Let’s Talk to Ikhlas and Silas

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 3 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 127a: I prefer Ikhlas

Participant 127b: Silas

DBM: Hello Ikhlas and Silas. How would you describe yourselves?

Ikhlas: There is not much to me

Silas: I am not perfect.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ikhlas: 6

Silas: 2

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ikhlas: My husband is refusing to talk to me, and I don’t understand why. There is a pending issue we have to address but he doesn’t want to talk about it with me. He’s not returned to the house for the past five days. I don’t know where he is staying, and he’s not willing to tell me either. I offended him and apologized but he keeps ignoring my calls.

DBM: How did you wrong him?

Ikhlas: He got to find out our five-year-old daughter isn’t his biological child. No, I did NOT have an affair. I underwent an IVF treatment which spur a pregnancy. I did it without his consent because he wouldn’t have agreed to it.

DBM: Why wouldn’t he have agreed to it?

Ikhlas: We don’t have the money

DBM: How did he find out that he’s not the father?

Ikhlas: He took a DNA paternity test and there was no confirmation of genetic match

DBM: Sir, do you mind me asking what motivated you to take the test?

Silas: I suspected it the dawn my daughter turned 5

DBM: How much did the IVF treatment cost?

Ikhlas: $12,000

Silas: Where did you get that kind of money from?

Ikhlas: Ken

Silas: What?

DBM: Who is Ken?

Ikhlas: My husband’s brother

Silas: Step-brother. You know very well I don’t speak to him, so why did you have to go and borrow his money?

Ikhlas: It wasn’t a loan. He gave it to us for free

Silas: Who is the us? Look, I don’t give a fuck. You know very well that I’ve not spoken to him in over 29 years. Why do you have to embarrass me like that?

Ikhlas: We needed the help babe

Silas: You and who needed his help?

DBM: Can I step in please?

Ikhlas: Yes

DBM: Why aren’t you talking to your brother?

Silas: I don’t want to talk about him

DBM: Noted, I will respect that.

Ikhlas: Because he feels he is a product of an affair his father had

DBM: Your husband doesn’t want to talk about his brother. Please let’s leave it as that

Ikhlas: Dave, Ken is a good guy. And he’s been trying so hard to have a relationship with his only brother, but my husband doesn’t seem to be open to that. Ken hasn’t done him any wrong. I feel that my husband’s anger isn’t directed to the right person. Ken is my brother-in-law, and I will not deny him that privilege. Also, God has blessed him, he’s rich.

DBM: Why did you undergo In Vitro fertilization without your husband’s knowledge?

Ikhlas: We were having trouble getting pregnant after eight years of marriage. The doctor evaluated the both of us and identified low sperm count to be the problem. My husband has fewer than 12 million sperm per millimeter, and a less than 30 million sperm total per ejaculation. The doctor explained that his chance of getting me pregnant decreased, due to his decreasing sperm counts. He suggested assisted reproductive techniques and my husband hasn’t been interested since. What have I done so wrong that you cannot find it in your heart to forgive me?

Silas: I can never trust you again

Ikhlas: Why don’t you want to talk about it with me then? Do you have to leave the house to express your mistrust?

DBM: He’s pissed at you, that is why

Ikhlas: And I’ve realized my mistake. I am sorry. Please don’t shut me out like that; I miss sitting with you.

Silas: Why did you make me believe the pregnancy was mine? Why did you make me raise our daughter as if she were my flesh and blood?

Ikhlas: You’re still her father. You love her

Silas: You lied and kept this very important information from me. You still don’t get it, do you?

Ikhlas: I do, and I am very sorry my love

Silas: Again, in what world is she my biological child?

DBM: She was born during your marriage to her mother. That, by default makes you her biological father and legal guardian.

Ikhlas: Yes, that’s true

DBM: You already have an established relationship with your baby girl. Do you think you can try to put your daughter’s best interest first, and maybe, your bruised ego second? Because as it stands now, you’re the only father your little girl knows as her own.

Silas: How do I explain this to my family and friends?

Ikhlas: I don’t think anyone else knows and should know about it

DBM: Madam, can you please just keep quiet for a minute! Your husband is still processing the shock of what you’ve done. Give him the space to think.

Ikhlas: I’m sorry

DBM: He is refusing to talk about it because it still hurts his feelings, as he’s less proud.

Ikhlas: Nana, I love you wai. I love our marriage so much. I don’t know what we will do without you

Silas: I need time

Ikhlas: How much time? Your daughter keeps asking about your whereabouts and I don’t know what to tell her anymore. She wants to talk to her daddy.

DBM: As much time as he may need. What you did bothers him and he’s trying to figure himself out, so he doesn’t have to resent you and his daughter in the future.

Ikhlas: Dave, can you ask my husband if he still loves me?

Silas: I love you

Ikhlas: Okay!

DBM: I pray you do not let so much time slip by while you’re in the process of figuring things out. Your wife and daughter need you, and the time apart and silent treatment may lengthen the misunderstanding and anger. This in the long run makes all the parties involved suffer from the stress associated with it. Your daughter is innocent in all this, remember.

Silas: Alright!

DBM: Participant 126, Knox, left a question for you: ‘What is the most important thing I should know about you?’

Silas: I finally got to be who I’m supposed to be because of my wife, I’m a father.

DBM: Awww! That’s very sweet of you

Ikhlas: Whenever I am feeling overwhelmed with stress and anxiety, my husband always offers to help with the dishes, which shows me how much he cares about me. It turns me on and gets me horny every time. I reward him with my best sex to destress.

Silas: That’s true

DBM: Five days away from home; don’t you miss your wife?

Silas: I do

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Silas: Which is ideal, loving smart or hard – and damning the consequence?

Ikhlas: I’m all in favor of my husband’s question.

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Any Lane

Let’s Talk To Knox

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 126: I’m Knox

DBM: Hi Knox. How would you describe yourself?

Knox: I’m easy to talk to and may have the magic effect to make people like me

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Knox: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Knox: A woman I’m in a relationship with wants me to be vulnerable with her so she can inspire me to come into the realization that, her love for me can make me want to become a better version of myself. I don’t think I will ever be the perfect man for any woman. I trust myself to make more mistakes; I’m certain I’d be giving in to more and more of my weaknesses, however, I am a man who wants to do better.

DBM: What version of you is she in love with at the moment?

Knox: The raw me

DBM: Describe the raw you?

Knox: Witty, attractive, charming but still guarded; the ladies’ man. I’m fire with a thrill

DBM: You love her?

Knox: I think I am falling for her. The feelings I have for her are strong

DBM: Explain the ‘ladies’ man’ bit

Knox: I’m able to talk a woman’s panties off

DBM: So, in other words, you’re a player?

Knox: I don’t think I am. She’s managed to pin me down somewhat

DBM: How long have you been dating?

Knox: Nine months

DBM: At what point in your schedule do you usually feel like you love her?

Knox: When I’m horny or lonely, or bored

DBM: Smh!

Knox: Why are you shaking your head?

DBM: Describe sex with her

Knox: Dave, I’ve gotten to know this lady for some time now, and I think we have a relationship that is growing based on the amount of time, care and commitment we’ve decided to put into it. Sex with her means something to me, probably because there are a lot of feelings involved on my part. The energy is kinda, different. I can’t even explain it, but it’s something I enjoy. Getting her off gets me off. I don’t think of my pleasure when I’m making love to her. My focus is always on giving her pleasure.

DBM: I like the sound of that

Knox: I’m afraid to admit it but falling in love scares me.

DBM: Why?

Knox: I don’t know. One minute I’m spending time with her, and the next, I’m suddenly distant.

DBM: Are you comfortable with the idea of being in a long-term relationship with just one person?

Knox: My fear is committing to her and then later realizing she isn’t my soul mate.

DBM: What kind of dream do you have for your future?

Knox: Wife, children, happy home, comfortable living, happy me

DBM: And it’s achievable, no?

Knox: Maybe, maybe not.

DBM: Has she come into contact with the real you that makes you stand out and not blend in?

Knox: Dave, I’m not all that good o

DBM: But there is an element of good to some extent to you, no?

Knox: I guess

DBM: What are you really afraid of?

Knox: My last serious relationship left me hanging

DBM: In what sense?

Knox: She chose someone else over me

DBM: How long did you date?

Knox: I thought we were in a relationship but later found out she was only weighing her options to choose from. We were together for three years; she weighed me for three years and I didn’t make the cut. I didn’t see it coming.

DBM: So, you feel like the past trauma is still coloring your idea of what a relationship could potentially be for you today?

Knox: I’m just trying to avoid an unexpected disappointment

DBM: Even though your current girlfriend is nothing like your past?

Knox: Better to be safe than sorry

DBM: Not surprised though! Many of us would rather be sensitive to what could be going wrong than focusing on what is actually going right for us in the now.

Knox: I can’t help it

DBM: What is the one good thing about your girlfriend that comes to mind?

Knox: She gives me the opportunity to protect her heart, and also, provide for her

DBM: What does she do for a living?

Knox: She’s an orthodontist

DBM: How about you?

Knox: A computer network architect

DBM: How did you meet?

Knox: She fixed some irregularities in my teeth and jaws, and I was pleased with how meticulous she was. My teethes are straightened because she created a corrective treatment plan precisely for my needs.

DBM: How did you end up dating?

Knox: I think I managed to explode the heat between her legs with just a feeling conversation, without even touching her. I left her craving for me

DBM: Which, ultimately was your intention, no?

Knox: Abi you know dada

DBM: Do you find yourself so caught up in the needs and wants of your woman to the extent of tossing your own needs and wants to the side?

Knox: Not with this lady

DBM: Meaning she’s a good catch?

Knox: She is. That’s why I like her

DBM: Do you deserve her?

Knox: I’m getting what I want

DBM: Great, but are you also getting what you deserve?

Knox: Yes. She’s the most beautiful person that I’ve ever experienced in my life.

DBM: That was all I wanted to know

Knox: I don’t know if what I’m offering her is all that she deserves

DBM: When it comes to my heart and its feelings, I usually do not want to be loved by many people. I’m very comfortable and content with someone in my life who gets me. That one person who has seen my worst a dozen times but still loves the me inside of me when my worst pops up. Someone who thinks of me and would smile and shake their head for no reason. Someone who delights in looking out for me; accepts me for all that I am, brings out the very best in me and most importantly, challenge me to be the very best of me that I could possibly be.

Knox: She does that for me

DBM: Then you need to be that kind of person for her too, can you?

Knox: I can

DBM: You will be fine

Knox: I hope so

DBM: Everything is going to be alright

Knox: Are you a counselor?

DBM: I am not. Participant 125, Nanyamka, left a question for you: ‘If the one person who’s hurt you the most showed up at your door, unannounced, what would you say to him or her?’

Knox: Oh, that’s simple; FUCK THE HELL OFF!!!

DBM: Hmmm!

Knox: What?

DBM: You don’t look like the type of guy to be using this kind of language

Knox: I don’t look like what I’ve been through

DBM: It’s your turn to leave a question behind for the next participant

Knox: I like this segment. Here is my question: What is the most important thing I should know about you?

DBM: Thank you!

Image Credit: Ekaterina Bolovtsova

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