Tag: Marriage

Let’s Talk To Bubune

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 98: I’m Bubune

DBM: Hello Bubune. How would you describe yourself?

Bubune: Born-again husband

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Bubune: Eight out of 10

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Bubune: I was 29 years old when I married my wife. I did not love her as at that time because I wasn’t ready for love. In hindsight, I would say I was marrying a wife while I still had other girls on my mind. I wasn’t secure in the woman I was marrying; I wasn’t satisfied when we settled for the honeymoon. I knew she loved me more than I liked her because it was supposed to be casual sex with no strings attached. But she got pregnant, and her dad being the Area Head of their church, decided we got married. Abortion was off the table. A wedding was planned in less than three months, and part of our package was to travel outside Ghana, a week after the wedding.

DBM: How did you two know each other?

Bubune: My dad is also a retired Apostle. Our parents were friends

DBM: Okay?

Bubune: When we left the shores of Ghana, I was all my wife had. She doesn’t make friends easily, and she couldn’t relate to my kinds of friends either. Here I was with a woman I did not love and feared hurting her feelings because she would have been devastated.

DBM: Why were you having sex with her – if you did not like her?

Bubune: You mean before marriage?

DBM: Yes

Bubune: She wanted to try sex for the first time. I was one of the few friends she had and could talk to about it. Our friendship wasn’t that tight but she knew she could trust me.

DBM: How old was she?

Bubune: 23 or 24. She knew I did not love her, even on our wedding day, because I had a serious girlfriend – though I was exploring outside the relationship with other girls.

DBM: Yeah, a woman knows when you are not that much into her. She will know when you are not excited about her; when you do not miss or want her; when you do not see a future together with her in it

Bubune: Unfortunately, she did not mind being stuck with me

DBM: Her reasons being?

Bubune: Initially, she thought dependability and monetary refuge could make up for love. I had a good paying job in Canada, and was living the life. She also had the nerve, sanguinity and a hefty amount of hope in her future with me. She told me once, ‘you will learn how to love me one day.’

DBM: Were you her first boyfriend?

Bubune: I think so. She was a virgin when we had sex

DBM: ‘You will learn how to love me one day’. Did you?

Bubune: I did

DBM: At what point did you start realizing it?

Bubune: My text messages with her started putting smiles on my face for no apparent reason. There were no butterflies in my stomach, or anything. All I know is, I could trust her, and tell her everything. I could tell her about the women I was hooking up with, the sex-gone-bad a day or night before; the new girl I thought I was falling in love with or flirting with me, etc.

DBM: Interesting. She wasn’t peeved or jealous?

Bubune: She probably was but I think she denied her feelings of rage and jealousy. She could make fun of me or be cynical to the extent that, I rather begun assuming she didn’t care about me anymore.

DBM: Was how she felt about you significant?

Bubune: I thought it wasn’t till it was

DBM: How did that thought make you feel?

Bubune: Worried and sad. I had hit rock-bottom because her behavior kept me guessing and wanting her not to leave me hanging. She could be aloof and holding back on her true feelings when I was being foolish with other women. It got to a point; I would intentionally have an affair or flirt with ladies for her to see – just to get a reaction, but she wouldn’t show any. She would act normal and encourage me to do what makes me happy.

DBM: Were you happy doing all that?

Bubune: I was lonely, honestly

DBM: You couldn’t have been lonely; you had the affection and attention of others, no?

Bubune: Yeah, but not that of my wife’s. She had lost the interest she used to have in me. And she looked happier

DBM: I’d rather be alone than to be lonely

Bubune: I didn’t want to be alone, and I didn’t want to be lonely

DBM: So, what did you do?

Bubune: I had to change and build attraction. My wife needed convincing so I became better at getting her attracted to how good I could make her feel.

DBM: You build on a love relationship; you don’t just find one

Bubune: Fact! I started respecting her as my wife and gave her all of my attention. I heard her when she spoke, and I made attempts to understand her concerns. I became very supportive, and invested in her interests and passions. I learnt about them and could stimulate her mind. I took notice of where I stood in her life and our marriage and showed up in my best self. I started having a positive outlook on life in general, and I was happy about it and even proud of myself.

DBM: Vulnerability sometimes involves, offering someone your whole truth without them asking for it

Bubune: I was vulnerable enough to re-align my priorities and self. I recognized where I had gone wrong with my wife, and I made the efforts to make it right by her

DBM: Did she see the effort you were putting into reaching her?

Bubune: She did

DBM: How do you feel about your wife right now?

Bubune: My wife wants me to be for her, so I cheer really hard now. I love her so dearly, I want to continually honor and serve her, give off my best to inspire her and never cease praying for our happiness together as a unit.

DBM: How long have you been married?

Bubune: 26 years

DBM: Oh, wow!

Bubune: Seven out of those years, I did not consider her feelings. I lied and lived a selfish life. And it wasn’t just a fleeting lapse in my judgement

DBM: There are a ton of husbands out there biting the dust with blurred lines in their marriages. What would you tell a wife who is finding it difficult to recover from the pain of betrayal?

Bubune: Every wound has its own way of healing. Heal at your own pace and forgive your husband if he is deserving of your forgiveness. If he keeps showing you that he never really is with you on the journey, do not spend the rest of your life with him. Go solo

Image Credit: Rdne Stock Project

Let’s Talk To Ejo

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 4 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 97: Ejo

DBM: Hi Ejo. How would you describe yourself?

Ejo: A wife, nursing mother, and teacher

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ejo: 6

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ejo: I gave birth to my second child six months ago, and I have been going through a very difficult phase that has made me gain so much weight. I am trying to get back to my pre-pregnancy figure but I am becoming heavier instead. My husband started running indirect jokes my way. He recently asked when I am going to lose all the fat. Even during sex, he will make a joke out of something in relation to my weight and it will kill my mood. I’ve told him I don’t like the mean jokes he’s been making but it’s falling on deaf ears.

DBM: Why does he make jokes about your weight?

Ejo: He finds slim attractive. He also thinks such jokes will motivate me to lose the weight but it’s actually hurting my feelings. I was dressing up in front of him just recently, and I caught him staring at my stomach and shaking his head in a funny way

DBM: That’s not cool. You don’t intentionally hurt the feelings of the woman you love, especially not over some silly crap like a few extra pounds

Ejo: Hmmm!

DBM: But you are eating right, no?

Ejo: I am

DBM: How about workouts?

Ejo: I exercise regularly

DBM: Are you getting plenty of sleep?

Ejo: I try to but I am not fitting into my clothes

DBM: Could it be a medical something sabotaging your efforts to stay in shape?

Ejo: My Mother-in-law tells my husband I am the one being lazy. I feel like they’re intentionally putting pressure on me to lose the weight. He laughs when his mother makes comments about my weight.

DBM: Wait! You gave birth just six months ago, no?

Ejo: Yes!

DBM: So, where from the rush to lose weight? You’re still breastfeeding and you need sufficient calories for milk supply; even your overall healing and lost energy and nourishment

Ejo: When my MIL sees a lot of food on the plate of my first child, she would go and take a chunk off it, and be using my weight as reference to why my daughter shouldn’t be eating too much. My husband will also be suggesting to our daughter that, women have to look skinny and pretty.

DBM: You’re very kind

Ejo: Why do you say that?

DBM: You’re allowing your mother-in-law to teach your daughter how to disrespect you, while you sleep in the same bed with her own son, who clearly needs a lot of improvement. What right has she got to tell your child what to eat? How well did she train her own son?

Ejo: I am just trying to maintain peace in my household

DBM: But at what cost?

Ejo: Dave, whenever I complain, I am the one being ridiculous

DBM: Subjecting yourself to bad-mannered people can affect your self-esteem and make you second-guess yourself

Image Credit: Anete Lusina

Let’s Talk To Ursula

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 96: Ursula

DBM: Hello Ursula. How would you describe yourself?

Ursula: Trying to contain water in a paper bag

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Ursula: 4

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Ursula: My husband took me out to dinner on my birthday, and after the cake and presents, he asked for a divorce. He did it in the presence of a man we both respect and trust. I should have known something was off because I did not understand why it was just the three of us without the children.

DBM: Did you see this coming?

Ursula: Not at all, because we have a beautiful relationship. I agree that the time we get to spend alone together is sometimes, inadequate. This is mainly because we both have got demanding jobs to do, we have a home to run and two children to raise.

DBM: This is tough.

Ursula: On our way back home, I asked what was going on with him and he said, ‘it’s for your own good.’ If it’s for my own good, tell me what the problem is so I determine whether or not it’s in my best interest. He went silent on me and just drove the car.

DBM: What are you going to do?

Ursula: I will not accept a divorce

DBM: You know he is not asking for a divorce, right? He is explicitly telling you that a divorce is going to happen, whether or not you like it. He does not need your permission.

Ursula: This is so unfair. I have done nothing wrong to him. Why should he start the legal process without giving me an explanation?

DBM: How long have you been married?

Ursula: 19 years

DBM: How old are the kids?

Ursula: They are both teenagers

DBM: Hmmm!

Ursula: I am so angry and extremely upset

DBM: At this point, you have no choice but to allow his decision to sink in, while respecting it. You need to renew your mind and heart, and give yourself some time to grieve

Ursula: I am shocked, but I know that lost love can be salvaged

DBM: He said he doesn’t love you anymore?

Ursula: He has not given his reasons. Dave, we were having frequent sex; enjoyable sex. He knows that I am willing to do anything he wants for our marriage to be successful. I will do anything for him to be happy

DBM: Sometimes, very little can be done to keep or lose a man

Ursula: I want my marriage to continue

DBM: The man he brought along to your birth-date dinner, what was his take on your husband’s decision?

Ursula: He kept telling me it was for my own good. He also said my husband isn’t happy in the marriage, which I do not believe. They’ve been talking behind me, but I know my husband loves me. Something is just off. Assuming he is even unhappy, does it have to end in divorce? I am willing to save my marriage

DBM: I admire your desire

Ursula: He will come around

DBM: I hope he does

Ursula: We met on a flight to London. My seat was next to his. He was by the window and I wanted to sit by the window so bad, I couldn’t stop wishing in my head we made an exchange. Before we took off, he asked if I wouldn’t mind exchanging seats with him. Those were his first words to me, and they met a need. I asked his name, told him mine and then, started to talk. Before landing in London, I was sure where I stood with him. He did not shy away from discussing his interest in me. We were both single.

DBM: What happened in London?

Ursula: He was there to work. I was there to school. We went on several dates and enjoyed being with each other. It was a satisfying relationship because we weren’t putting in so much effort to make a relationship happen. We were just happy together as friends who liked each other. Easy-fun-friendly love affair; something like that. Two years on, it dawned on me, out of the blue, that he has been the only man in my life who was sensitive to my needs and feelings.

DBM: Explain his sensitivity to your needs and feelings

Ursula: He ensured I was well taken care of while in school. He was happy whenever I was happy. I could be my true, authentic self around him and not fret about acceptance. His energy was positive, and so was his support for me. We had a strong friendship then and now. Him as a boyfriend then spent all his free time with me. My husband spends all his free time with me. Dave, imagine having someone in your life whose sole purpose is to make everything more pleasant and enjoyable when they’re around you. That is the kind of man asking me for a divorce. I can’t, I won’t.

DBM: You need to be the mature one to show him kindness and a loving memory of you. Because at the moment, you’re the only one interested in the marriage. Refusing to understand why he wants out wouldn’t make him fall in love with you any quicker.

Ursula: I still don’t know why he wants a divorce. That’s why I am anxious and mad as hell. What would you have done differently?

DBM: I don’t know; but I am naturally a calm person, so I am certain I would be calm about it.

Ursula: Even without an explanation?

DBM: Even without an explanation – I know I will give him space

Ursula: Why would you give him space?

DBM: Distance can also make the heart grow fonder. I know, it’s cliché but it does quiet when things tend to feel out of control in life

Ursula: What if giving him space gives him room to be with another woman?

DBM: I will still put up a front and go about my normal routine. Don’t beg him; don’t yell at him. Do not give him attitude nor chase after him. Let him be while you put the spotlight on you. Look good, feel good, make yourself happy and alive till he notices you or at best, starts to miss you

Ursula: What if he doesn’t notice me?

DBM: If he doesn’t, then at least you would have noticed your own efforts in handling yourself the best way possible

Ursula: I can never understand you men. Do you guys even know what you want?

DBM: Your husband knows what he wants at this time in his life. A man’s needs changes as he grows, while his relationship evolves. What a man needs today may not be what he wants tomorrow.

Ursula: Same with women, Dave

DBM: I know

Ursula: I don’t know if you understand how much I love my husband?

DBM: I believe you love you husband, and it’s a good thing. However, do not lose yourself in the process of wanting him in your life, so-much-so that you forget you are equally an amazing woman worth keeping by someone who actually wants to be with you.

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

 

Let’s Talk To Malik

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 93: Malik

DBM: Hi Malik. How would you describe yourself?

Malik: Empty. The supply of fuel that could drive my ability to take crazy risks and be confident in myself is no longer in service

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Malik: 2

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Malik: I think my wife has done something to me. I cannot get an erection when I am with another woman. I am only able to keep an erection around my wife.

DBM: How old are you?

Malik: 40

DBM: And, is this an occasional episode or the norm?

Malik: I am unable to get an erection with any other woman except my wife

DBM: Are you an excessive alcohol taker?

Malik: No! I drink occasionally

DBM: Do you do drugs?

Malik: No!

DBM: Are you a smoker?

Malik: I smoke once in a while

DBM: Do you take any sedatives?

Malik: Not really

DBM: Are you on any medications, i.e., antidepressants?

Malik: No!

DBM: Are you on any blood pressure medications?

Malik: My heart is in a good place, no.

DBM: Are you depressed or anxious of anything?

Malik: Yes! I can’t get my dick hard anymore when I am with other women

DBM: Are you under any kind of stress, aside your immediate problem?

Malik: No!

DBM: What is your self-esteem level?

Malik: Very low, because of the problem

DBM: Have you gone to see a doctor?

Malik: No

DBM: Why not?

Malik: Something is telling me it’s my wife behind all this.

DBM: What makes you think your wife could be involved?

Malik: We had a big argument last year, in July. We ignored each other for days when we were sleeping in separate bedrooms. I had a dream in one of those nights about finding money in our trash. My grandma always says, if you dream about accidentally finding money in a pile of trash, wake up from your sleep and check the trashcan. Because you’re in bad luck. It’s a bad omen; you or someone close to you is either going to die or a misfortune would befall you. When I woke up in the morning, I felt a mild but sharp jab in my left hip – like someone had injected a substance into my body. I went to check the garbage can outside the main house, and there was a syringe and smaller-sized needle thrown in it. The syringe had a red substance in it

DBM: Did you confirm the content in the syringe?

Malik: I did not. I just assumed it was blood

DBM: Blood from where?

Malik: I don’t know

DBM: Is your wife a nurse or doctor?

Malik: She’s not

DBM: Where did the syringe and needle come from?

Malik: It should have come from our house because the trashcan is in the main compound of our home. I asked my wife about it and she was acting all surprised

DBM: What if she genuinely, did not know anything about it?

Malik: It couldn’t have come from the kids because they hate hospitals and injection

DBM: So, on what grounds are you suspecting your wife?

Malik: I couldn’t be aroused that afternoon, when I met with one of my girlfriends. She tried every trick in her books to get me hard but it wouldn’t respond. This is a girl I had been having mad sex with for years. I couldn’t even masturbate on my own. The moment my wife returned home from work and I smelled her body scent, I naturally got a hard-on

DBM: That’s strange

Malik: Tell me about it!

DBM: How long have you been married?

Malik: 11 years

DBM: When did you first notice the problem outside your home?

Malik: July 6th 2022

DBM: When did you feel the pain in your hip?

Malik: The morning of July 6th

DBM: I see

Malik: I have three close friends I have fun with. I haven’t been able to fuck any of them ladies since

DBM: Erections are mysterious, and they do have a mind of their own. I think you need to consider seeing a doctor – just to be sure you’re on the safe side.

Malik: My wife has done something to me

DBM: Have you confronted her about your suspicions?

Malik: No!

DBM: What did you argue about last July?

Malik: She came across one of my escapades through WhatsApp and made a mountain out of a molehill. Husbands will cheat, we will get caught. If you can’t understand that a man will ultimately disappoint you, just walk your separate way. What is difficult about this?

DBM: Most women fear to be alone. Reason why some stay in terrible situations

Malik: What is terrible about having a little fun here and there?

DBM: What is your definition of ‘a little fun…’

Malik: David, for me sex is sex to satisfy my urges. I do not have to be in love to enjoy sex. Marriage is marriage. These two can never overlap in my books. It cannot affect my love for my wife. And I have no intention of leaving my wife.

DBM: Good to know! Now that you’re unable to be with other women, use the cuddle and care of your wife to sooth your broken ego.

Malik: What she’s done to me is a crime, and I don’t know how to prove it. After damaging my manhood, she’s refused to be available to me; she’s refused to have sex with me. She doesn’t care and has been sleeping with the children in their rooms. The only person who can give me sex is punishing me by not giving me sex. Why cause me so much pain in the first place and then refuse to take away my pain? I am deeply broken. Women are evil

DBM: Go and see a doctor. That is what you need to do

Malik: Will it change anything?

DBM: It can help you stop impugning your wife for your misery and unhappiness. You are solely responsible for your low self-image. Get yourself fixed.

Malik: If I were a woman, you would have been way empathetic towards my plight

DBM: I genuinely am concerned about you. What I am trying to get you to understand is that, you assumed other women, and not your wife could make you feel good about yourself. And masked your true feelings from the one woman whose opinions should have mattered to you the most. You don’t take a woman for a fool and expect her to open her legs for you that easily

Malik: I am her husband

DBM: Then stop blaming your wife for your failures

Image Credit: Karolina Grabowska

Let’s Talk To Akorfa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 91: Akorfa De Sweetest

DBM: Hi Akorfa. How would you describe yourself?

Akorfa: I am a woman with drive, energy and determination. I am friendly, intelligent and educated. I am grounded and secure in myself. I can be relied upon. I am a lawyer

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Akorfa: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Akorfa: I am in a really good relationship with my man. He loves me to the extent that, there would be moments in my daily activities that makes me stop, reflect, smile, shake my head and realize how much he means to me. He has a silly way of laughing when I tickle him. The look in his eyes when he kisses me in bed with a smile on his face; my boyfriend is there for me all the time. A whole new world opened for me when I listened to his advice to apply to Law School. When I wasn’t sure I could get in, I received an offer to attend law school. I was not prepared for what that pursuit could throw at me, but he was; he was the first man to make me think of my time in school as a job. And he helped me to put in the hours till I was called to the bar. He hasn’t stopped loving me that way till date. I don’t know if you get the picture?

DBM: Crystal

Akorfa: But he doesn’t believe in marriage

DBM: Do you believe in marriage?

Akorfa: I do

DBM: How long have you been dating?

Akorfa: Six and a half years oooh

DBM: What profession is he into?

Akorfa: He is an Actuary

DBM: How old are you?

Akorfa: 32

DBM: How old is he?

Akorfa: 37

DBM: Do you know why he doesn’t believe in marriage?

Akorfa: He says it’s just a status signed on a piece of paper. His parents divorced when he was 14. His sister recently divorced. He doesn’t see anything special about getting married.

DBM: Tying the knot can become a frightening proposition for people whose parents divorced

Akorfa: I don’t think my guy is scared of marriage. He just doesn’t want to do it

DBM: From his actions and everything else, do you see him to be the type that would be willing to at least, consider marrying you down the road?

Akorfa: No! Even though he’s willing for us to grow together as a couple

DBM: ‘Grow together’ as in, have kids, live together, etc.?

Akorfa: Yes!

DBM: Why is it important for you to do the whole ring thing?

Akorfa: Marriage is a life-long commitment to me. It’s a love-something that I can trust to be there for me, and never leave nor forsake me. It is through marriage that I will be convinced I have a life partner in my beau, a teammate. I want to have a strong family with children through marriage.

DBM: And, you’ve shared these reasons with him, no?

Akorfa: I have, but he still doesn’t see himself getting married.

DBM: What are you going to do?

Akorfa: I can’t force him

DBM: No, you can’t! Attempting to directly or indirectly force him to change his stance on the subject can be a recipe for your relationship’s failure.

Akorfa: I know

DBM: Then you also know that you can genuinely, be in a healthy relationship with someone who adores you for you, even though he may never want to settle down in a marriage?

Akorfa: I know, but marriage is important to me

DBM: And an option for him. Question is, how do you both come to a consensus to respect each other’s opinions and desires?

Akorfa: I don’t know. I don’t want to live with a man and raise our kids outside of marriage

DBM: I am guessing you two are having sex?

Akorfa: We are

DBM: And, he’s that much into you?

Akorfa: He is, very much.

DBM: Think of his decision from this angle, he is in love with, and committed to you. He does almost all the things expected to be done to have a meaningful and strong relationship. You’ve given him everything inside and out of you without the commitment of a marriage. What something new is there to be discovered about you? Why should he need rings and a certificate to prove his love for you?

Akorfa: I understand all that, but marriage is not just about rings and a piece of paper; it’s about our families coming together, asking for my hand and gaining the trust and blessings from my family.

DBM: But you will agree you have made it way easier and also placed him in a comfortable lead, not to be married to you?

Akorfa: Maybe, maybe not

DBM: Are you certain you are the woman for him?

Akorfa: I am, Dave. His heartbeat.

DBM: Is he truly the man for you? Because if he were, he would have known what is important to you

Akorfa: I don’t know anyone else out there like him

DBM: How many out there have you dated?

Akorfa: A few. That’s why I know a good man is hard to find these days. I am not ready to go searching for a man all over again

DBM: How do you feel right now in the relationship?

Akorfa: Happy and stuck with anxiety

DBM: Generally, I would feel stuck in a moment when I suddenly begin to assume I should be something else that I clearly am not. You’re thinking your relationship status ought to be different than what it is, even though he makes you happy. He does not want to be married. Can you breathe a deep sigh of relief while focusing on the now instead?

Akorfa: How about WHAT I WANT?

DBM: You have done what you can with what you have. Go easy on yourself and let things be

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Nicholas

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 2 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 90: Nicholas

DBM: Hello Nicholas. How would you describe yourself?

Nicholas: I understand what commitment means, that’s why it’s easy for me to compromise. I am kind, patient, humorous and good with kids

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Nicholas: 10

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Nicholas: I think every man must find himself a job that makes him happy, in order to be pleased with his own life. I am a house-husband, and I am loving how I am able to make my wife, children and the home a priority. We decided I stay home to look after the children while my wife goes out to work. And truth be told, I am crushing it like a pro. I think I was born to take care of my family like this. I like it that I am the one to make sure the house is always clean and smelling good; the children get prepared for school while my wife gets to rest and have enough sleep. The only thing I can’t do is to cook, so she prepares a variety of meals during the weekends to last the household for the week.

DBM: Were you working prior to meeting your wife?

Nicholas: Yes

DBM: How long have you been married?

Nicholas: Six years

DBM: And, when did you make the decision to stay home?

Nicholas: It was actually my wife’s idea. Before we married, we talked about the importance of being present for our marriage, and also, in the lives of our children – if we were to have any. We love kids and we knew they would become a huge part of our lives. We wanted one parent to be 100% responsible for their upbringing till they are 18 years age. We weighed our options and concluded I would be the better parent and the best person to sacrifice my time to raise them right. Also, my wife earns three times my salary, and did not see the need for the both of us to be chasing after money.

DBM: So, you’ve been home since you married?

Nicholas: Yes, as the king of the house. It’s actually fun and humbling. It’s a fulfilling job to say the least. Due to this arrangement, I have found a best friend in my wife. She’s the one person I am comfortable with – talking to. Because I realize I can’t do it on my own. I appreciate the little things right now; we get to eat together as a family and talk. I am attracted to my wife daily, and can’t wait to see her return home from work. This experience seriously is turning my life around, and I am becoming the best husband and father I can be.

DBM: This is something you are passionate about?

Nicholas: Family is very important to me, and would not trade it for nothing.

DBM: What do your circle of friends say/think of you when you tell them about what you do?

Nicholas: Some think it’s disgraceful. I used to justify myself but I don’t care what they say anymore. Also, my church no longer invites me to speak to the youth. When I used to work, I was one of their favorite keynote speakers on Finance. Now that I work as a house-husband, majority of them tend to look down on me. They believe I am unemployed. Some call me lazy.

DBM: Do you see this as a real job?

Nicholas: It is a real job for me, Dave. Imagine coming home to a spotless house? There is absolutely nothing wrong with me chasing my dream career. I’m also doing exactly what I love; It’s work. My wife and I are not bothered by her being the one going out to earn money for the house. We are not bothered by me taking care of the home and family. In fact, I’m very good at this. And most importantly, I don’t think it’s healthy for our family to have two parents/adults getting stressed from work. One should be enough, while a calm, handsome, loving, sexy-hot other quenches their thirst after a long day. It’s the sweetest feeling ever.

DBM: Does this situation also not make it a whole lot easier for your wife to control you financially?

Nicholas: Control me how?

DBM: Do you have your own money?

Nicholas: First and foremost, I married a reasonable woman who also happens to be right for me. She respects me and my place in her life. Secondly, we share a joint account. The money in the account has more than one owner. It belongs to the both of us. Also, I work remotely from home. I make my own money to contribute to the pool.

DBM: Would you be prepared for the unknown? I.e., Death of your wife, divorce, wife involved in an accident or is permanently disabled, etc. and the responsibilities are shifted

Nicholas: I am ever ready to shoulder all responsibilities. Being a house-husband prepares you for anything.

DBM: What do you do for fun?

Nicholas: I work out in my free time at the gym.

DBM: Does this make you more critical about your wife’s appearance?

Nicholas: My wife is perfect, just the way she wants to be

DBM: The free time on your hands at home doesn’t make you want to look for some side action? I mean, most guys get in shape purposely for that.

Nicholas: I work out to stay in shape. Nothing else

DBM: You have the last word

Nicholas: I am uniquely equipped to keep my family safe and as one unit. I am not ready to do anything that could affect my family negatively. I am willing to do anything for my wife and for her heart’s sake. My wife’s desire comes first

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk to Whitney and Idris

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 1 Comment

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 88i: My name is Whitney. Dave, I am doing this interview with my husband. He will also respond to all of your questions.

Participant 88ii: Idris

DBM: Hello Whitney and Idris. How would you describe yourselves?

Whitney: I smile a lot and I am comfortable, pleasant and easy to live or be with. In the context of a wife, I make the life of my husband easy and comfortable. I am a mother

Idris: I am aware of my habits and general personality. I am sure of my actions, without any excuses.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Whitney: 5

Idris: Three

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Whitney: My husband is always on his phone, and I have never been able to understand why. He feels bothered if I am to call or text to converse with him. Dave, I cannot get 10 minutes on phone with my husband. He doesn’t have 10 minutes off his schedule to chat or talk with me during the day. How is it possible that someone who is always using ‘busy working’ as his excuse, has time for other things on his phone?

Idris: Why I am less focused on my wife and marriage. I need my ‘me’ time. It’s simple: sometimes, the personal stuff is just personal.

DBM: Does his work involve him being on the phone all the time?

Whitney: No! He is an accountant

DBM: Sir, why is your wife not a priority to you?

Idris: She is important to me, she’s the mother of my children. I’m just tired of her constant need for my attention to make her feel happy. I am a bit exhausted doing that, to be frank; I’m tired of always being the one to compromise for her to feel loved. What about my own happiness?

DBM: How long have you been married?

Whitney: 8 years in August. We have two children.

DBM: Okay! Mrs. why do you think your husband married you?

Whitney: I don’t know. Maybe you can ask him. I am dying to know his answer to that question myself.

DBM: Noted, but to the best of your knowledge…

Whitney: I think he married me because he loved me, and wanted to be with me.

DBM: Sir?

Idris: I felt it was better being with her than staying single. I didn’t want to be alone. Also, having a wife was a cool and responsible decision to take.

DBM: Did you choose your wife because you love her?

Idris: I had grown fond of her

Whitney: Do you love me?

Idris: Yes

Whitney: Are you in love with me?

Idris: I can’t answer that question

Whitney: You can’t or you won’t?

Idris: I am not in love with you. That’s the truth. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I don’t know why I married you to be honest. Maybe, because I felt you were infatuated by me and needed me to choose you. You showed me many times why you love me and I felt validated. You were too much into me, I got confused.

DBM: Are you miserable in your marriage?

Idris: I don’t think I am miserable. I have learned to cope with an unwilling situation. I am just not myself. I feel like I gave in to my wife’s desire to be loved by me

DBM: Meaning, you probably might have not chosen her if it were left to your discretion?

Idris: Yes!

Whitney: Am I not beautiful enough?

Idris: That is not what I am saying

Whitney: Am I not good in bed?

Idris: Do not take things out of context.

Whitney: Do I not bring a mind that is capable of supporting you to find practical solutions to our family’s problems and future plans?

Idris: You do. You are a smart woman. I have told you that before

Whitney: Do I not help our family in times you have no money to contribute to our wellbeing?

Idris: You do

Whitney: Do I not respect you as my husband?

Idris: You do

Whitney: I watch you take strange and mysterious phone calls when you leave the room, whispering into your phone. You delete your chat history before getting home and you want me to believe you are not hiding something from me? You are always texting someone. How would you feel if I was doing that to you?

DBM: Sir, why are you always on your phone?

Idris: My phone is the only moment I get to have with myself to reflect, and think, laugh and feel loved – without my wife around wanting my attention. Does marriage mean I cannot imbed myself in the man I used to be before meeting her?

Whitney: That is bullshit. Why are you sly then when on phone?

DBM: Wait, you don’t think your husband needs a break from you at a point in time to do what he also loves?

Whitney: Dave, my problem is, I don’t feel included in his life.

DBM: Sir, what do you do to please your wife, while pleasing yourself at the same time?

Idris: This fucking interview is a perfect example; I don’t know you from shid, but because she’s a fan and follower, she wants me to participate in this group chat with you so we talk about our personal issues. Knowing very well I don’t like involving people in my business.

DBM: You had the choice to not do this, no?

Idris: She would have taken offense.

Whitney: You will not agree to counseling. This is the best alternative

Idris: Our marriage has been one form of guilt tripping me emotionally into commitments after the other. There is practically no room in my own life to express my very authentic feelings about anything.

Whitney: Our goal was to get married, have children and live a happy life

Idris: Oh, no! Don’t get it twisted; those were your schedules, not mine. I am not happy in this your story. And I am still craving out time that could be entirely mine.

DBM: This question is to the both of you; when you assess your priorities and put focus into perspective, what about you do you think you value the most?

Idris: My peace of mind.

Whitney: My husband, our marriage and children.

DBM: What are your love languages?

Idris: My wife wants to hear how much I love her and want to be with her. I like what we have built in the past eight years, but it’s not serving me right. You miss the mark with me. I miss the mark with you. I don’t think we are compatible. Bossu, this interview unfortunately is not working for me. The longest chat I have had with my wife, I guess. Bye

Whitney: Dave

DBM: I’m still here

Whitney: I think I heard what I wanted to hear

DBM: A man who is excited about you is attuned to what you think and feel. Such men are not burdened at the thought of leaning in carefully to learn and understand all of the ways your genuine desires and concerns aren’t being met. I know you love him, but is he happy about making you happy? Is his life fulfilled and complete with you in the picture?

Whitney: I’ve got to go. Thank you!

DBM: You’re welcome! This life is a never-ending effort to always figure things out. You will figure what works best for you somehow.

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Luke

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog. 7 Comments

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 85: The name is Luke

DBM: Luke chapter what?

Luke: 😁

DBM: Hi Luke. How would you describe yourself?

Luke: I don’t know how to break this complication down: I am legally in a marital relationship with my wife. I have also agreed to work as a hired husband to my employer’s wife, for payment under the contract of employment.

DBM: What?

Luke: Yeah!

DBM: I will come back to this. How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Luke: 8 + 2

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Luke: My situation ship. I came across a job advertisement. The job title was Client Satisfaction Manager. The job responsibilities included handling client issues during the execution life cycle in a timely and accurate fashion; compilation of data collected, and basically, knowing enough about each zone of the company, in order to make pertinent suggestions to the client. It also involved a lot of traveling. I applied and got my job interview scheduled. Dave, I needed a new challenge, and so I prepared for my interview to ensure I made the best impression possible. We were about six in number on the day I interviewed. In the course of answering a question directed at me, I saw the only lady on the panel focusing with an intense gaze at me. She picked her phone and texted someone. The owner of the company, who was part of the team interviewing me, picked his phone to read a message, and immediately started smiling. I gazed back at the lady and she was staring at my lips to probably gain further circumstantial cues about the responses I was giving. Well, so I thought. Twenty-five or so minutes later, I left the conference room feeling positive about my candidacy. I missed a call on the phone on my way home, and so I tried calling back. He cut my call and called back.

DBM: Who called?

Luke: The owner of the company.

DBM: How could you tell it was him?

Luke: I could recognize his voice from the interview.

DBM: Okay?

Luke: He arranged a private meeting at a venue, which turned out to be the house address of his wife. They were waiting for me when I arrived. He wanted to offer me a different job but under the title of Client Satisfaction Consultant. He wanted me to become his wife’s husband.

DBM: His wife’s husband?

Luke: I know, right? Creepy. He explained to me that he is unable to meet his wife’s emotional needs. He also said he was pursuing another love interest and didn’t want to divorce his wife because there is too much at stake. He wanted me to become the safe place his could come to when emotionally down. He was going to continue being her provider in monetary ways. However, I am expected to provide her strength when she’s frail, affection when she feels lonely and courage when she’s scared.

DBM: Did they know that you are a married man?

Luke: They knew. I had my wedding band on during the interview and the meeting at her house. They proposed a lucrative salary with all benefits included; pension and social insurance contributions – medical, death, education, annual paid leave and public holidays off. I start work at 8:30 am to 4:30 pm.

DBM: I really am following your story, but where is your office be located?

Luke: Per my contract, I report to the company’s headquarters twice a week, from 8:30 to 12:30 pm to do personal assignments, and then complete the remaining hours at his wife’s house. I have been given my own office.

DBM: Which days do you report at the office?

Luke: It’s per my discretion.

DBM: So, the three remaining weekdays, your job station is where?

Luke: His wife’s house.

DBM: How long have you been doing this?

Luke: For some time now

DBM: Can you put a time frame to it?

Luke: Yes, but it may inconvenience me. My wife can easily calculate from when I started job-hunting if she’s to come across this post.

DBM: But your job title equally gives you out, no?

Luke: I lied to her about the job title when I made the decision to accept this offer.

DBM: Aha!

Luke: Sometimes, a man has got to withhold certain truths about themselves or what they’re doing from their wives – just to avoid disappointing them. I know it’s not the best of decisions to make, that’s why I am choosing to shield my wife from pain and other possible consequences.

DBM: What if your wife decides to one day, surprise you at work?

Luke: My wife may consider a surprise on my birthdays or our wedding anniversaries. Those days, I ensure to be at work for the first half.

DBM: You have it all figured out, I guess?

Luke: Yes sir.

DBM: So, tell me how it works when you’re at the contract-wife’s house

Luke: I get home. Greet her with a kiss or hug; ask about her night. She prepares breakfast for us. After eating, she talks about whatever she’d want to talk about. Actually, I used to think my legal wife was a talker but this woman talks way more than my original wife. Anyhow, I don’t mind her talking so much, so I just listen and chat back. Most days in my original marriage, my wife and I argue a lot. But with this contract marriage, my woman and I don’t really argue.

DBM: I am just laughing in awe

Luke: I know. It will sound funny to me too 😊

DBM: How do you greet her when you first arrive at her home?

Luke: ‘Good morning, my Love’ or ‘darling, babe’ or ‘how is my lovely sunshine doing this morning?’ depending on my groove. Most mornings when I am there and I hear the shower turn on, I’ll climb in the shower with her and… Wheew! Those are usually beautiful mornings.

DBM: I can only imagine. So, this is not just some sex gig?

Luke: No, Dave. It’s a real-fake marriage. We would often watch a TV show together, make lunch together, and this is something I never thought I could do with my real wife. Some days, we just keep to ourselves. She would be reading a book and I would be in bed.

DBM: Do you do outings together?

Luke: No! But as I said earlier, we travel once in a while, to other places together.

DBM: Does it get boring?

Luke: Sometimes. And at those times, we both recognize it and keep to ourselves till it’s time for me to go home.

DBM: What is your feeling towards this job?

Luke: Dave, I am in love with her. Being in love only requires me to believe that I am in love. And I can confidently say that, this job has helped me grow to understand love even better. It’s helping me to appreciate my legal wife and children the more. I cannot imagine living the rest of my life without my original wife and work wife.

DBM: That’s good to know. But as at this moment, your wife doesn’t have a clue what you have been up to over the years. Aren’t you barring yourself from showing up authentically at your matrimonial home?

Luke: This secret is weighing me down, that’s why I am revealing it to you instead, so we share its load. I know my wife, she cannot organize her life around this information. I would spare her the hurt, sadness and anger.

DBM: Okay!

Luke: I love my job. Aside the benefits, I am learning a lot about women and how to treat them right. I am learning about love.

DBM: I am curious about one thing; does your wife not see any changes in you to suspect something?

Luke: I watch how I react around her when I am at home. Also, work officially ends when it’s 4:30 pm. Work-wife respects the boundaries.

DBM: Your wife doesn’t smell her perfume or scent on you?

Luke: She doesn’t use any presumes around me when I am at work. But even if she has to wear one to smell good, I’ve bought her my brand of perfumes to smell like me.

DBM: This is one of the interesting chats I have ever had in my life. Why did you choose me?

Luke: David, I haven’t always been your No.1 fan. But truth be told, I think you are using your Facebook to do a wonderful thing. I don’t agree with your prejudiced point of view when it comes to men and women. I can’t seem to wrap my head around why you think women are incapable of doing bad all by themselves. Anyways, that is a conversation for another day. But as I was saying, your platform is clean and sound. You know how to pull some of us out of our shelves to open up. It’s a rare gift, and I believe you have it. Just try not to change. Continue to be in a league of your own.

DBM: Appreciated. Thank you!

Image Credit: Cottonbro Studio

Let’s Talk To Emefa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 82: Emefa

DBM: Hello Emefa. How would you describe yourself?

Emefa: I am a mother, and soon to be grandmother. Some of my close friends tell me that they feel better after talking to me. I am conscious of maintaining a clean and neat appearance. Lastly, I would say, I have a meaningful relationship with myself – which has been up and down, sometimes, sideways over the years. I change as a person when the people around me change. I change when circumstances around me change. I change as and when I want to change.

DBM: How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Emefa: 7

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Emefa: I became a dowager in January, 2023. We were married for a good 32 years. It is still taking me time to process his death.

DBM: There are no words

Emefa: People try to say nice things to comfort me, but after they’ve left or ended their calls, I am left alone all over again to deal with my loss

DBM: Healing through moments like these comes slowly, but it does come.

Emefa: I guess

DBM: Has he been buried?

Emefa: Yes, weeks ago.

DBM: How did you meet your late husband?

Emefa: We ran into each other physically on the street one afternoon. I was going to buy food for lunch. He told me he had been writing letters to a strange P. O. Box address he saw in the newspaper, and the person had been writing back. They agreed on a date to meet on the street for the first time. She was supposed to be wearing a white and green outfit for easy identification because they didn’t know what the other looked like. Guess my favorite colors?

DBM: Green and white?

Emefa: With a pop of black in the mix. He says he noticed me in the crowd, from the opposite side of the road, in my white, green and black dress, and automatically assumed I was the lady he had been writing to. Looking back, my dress did stand out in the crowd. He jounced my shoulder while walking past me. I remember I turned and gave him a sarcastic look, and he had this confused expression on his face. I stopped walking and he approached me, smiling.

DBM: What did he say?

Emefa: ‘You have a beautiful presence’

DBM: Wait! Was he saying this to the stranger you, or the woman he had been writing letters to?

Emefa: He assumed I was his mystery lady. I thanked him for the compliment and went to buy my food. He followed me to the chop-bar, unknown to me. He bought food and came to sit next to my table. I have this habit of frequently glancing around a room to spot familiar faces. I did again this time, only to see him staring right at me.

DBM: You liked him?

Emefa: It felt uncomfortable to see him twice in 20 minutes. But he was very handsome. He had these really huge eyes. I am not talking about big; he had very huge eyes which almost seemed like they would pop out of his head.

DBM: Hehehe

Emefa: But they were at the same time attractive. I liked him a lot, yes.

DBM: Do you know whatever happened to the mystery lady?

Emefa: Yes, she wrote him back to say she got his letter from the post office very late. The date and time he proposed they met had passed by then.

DBM: Did he write back?

Emefa: I don’t think he did. We had started dating

DBM: I like the sound of that

Emefa: We had a lot of plans for the future together. He died too young

DBM: How many kids later?

Emefa: We had three together.

DBM: That’s nice

Emefa: And found out in January, that he has another son.

DBM: Huh?

Emefa: His other son is 26. My last child is 24

DBM: Is your last child a boy or girl?

Emefa: A boy. I have two daughters and a son.

DBM: How old are your girls?

Emefa: 30 and 28

DBM: Just this January?

Emefa: Sunday, 22nd January, 2023. Two days after my husband had passed, he showed up with his mother.

DBM: He is his son for real?

Emefa: He is. My husband had been taking care of him and his mother for the past 26 years. They had receipts, pictures, DNA results, and had been named in my husband’s will.

DBM: And, you did not know anything about this?

Emefa: I had no clue. I understand that a man has a responsibility to be a father to his child, but I am tremendously miffed and still dealing with the pain of the adultery he’s left me to battle with, alongside his death.

DBM: How is your heart and head managing through it all?

Emefa: I am not taking any major decisions about anything right now. Unfortunately, dead men don’t talk, so I want to see how everything is going to play out on its own merit. I signed on to this marriage thing as a lifelong commitment to my husband. And because I loved him so much, I tried to be the best for only him. I did not betray him by cheating on him. 32 years later, I can confidently say that I did my part. So, if what I gave is this memory he has left me with in return, then it’s all good.

DBM: How are your children taking the news of another brother?

Emefa: They are adults so they are allowing themselves time to navigate the intricacies of their father’s affair, the new brother and his mother – at their own pace.

DBM: Do you think they will build a relationship with their brother?

Emefa: My son, I know has been texting and calling him since the funeral. For my daughters, I hope they would eventually also get to know him.

DBM: Do you feel disappointed in your husband?

Emefa: I want to hold on to the beautiful memories we built together and leave this bad one behind. I want to keep retaining a positive outlook on life.

DBM: That’s fair. Do you see yourself getting married again?

Emefa: I will always love my husband. I will always have his love for me, but I will move on to something meaningful if I am to come across the right man interested in me.

DBM: You have the last word to say something to women

Emefa: A man is as hard to figure out as a woman. They can force themselves on your wavelength just to hide a bad deed. Pay attention to the intentions of the man you love. Some would be categorizing you as a soft touch and unconsciously, manipulate and play mind-games with you. Cut your losses and go if you catch him cheating. Because his behavior isn’t likely to stop. He will do it again, and again. I saw this firsthand after my husband’s death.

DBM: Your husband is not a representation of all men

Emefa: He was the perfect representation of men cheating on their wives. These men control their own narrative. Trusting their word that it won’t happen again is as true as you would want it to be.

Image Credit: Jackson David

Let’s Talk To Asantewaa

Written by David B on . Posted in Blog.

David Bondze-Mbir (DBM): Thank you for participating. What name would you want to go by? (It can be your real first name or any other name of your choosing)

Participant 80: Asantewaa

DBM: Hello Asantewaa. How would you describe yourself?

Asantewaa: 😭

DBM: Oh! What’s the matter?

Asantewaa: I don’t know where to begin

DBM: Let’s start from here. How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Asantewaa: 0

DBM: Zero? You cannot be zero

Asantewaa: That’s how I feel

DBM: What do you want to talk about?

Asantewaa: I just tested positive for HIV. I am so frightened; I don’t know how to process the news. I have not done anything wrong. I have not done anything bad. My husband is the only guy I have been sexual with since we married. I can swear on my life and the lives of our children, I am telling the truth. The news distresses me so much, I have not been myself a couple of days now. I don’t know if my husband senses my anxiety. Dave, I have never been this depressed in life.

DBM: Hey, slow down.

Asantewaa: I can’t. This is not my destiny

DBM: I am so sorry about everything happening to you right now

Asantewaa: I feel so alone

DBM: You are far from alone

Asantewaa: I don’t know what to do. I am going to die from AIDS

DBM: Being HIV-positive doesn’t mean you have AIDS. Try to calm down, please?

Asantewaa: How can I calm down!

DBM: It is going to be okay

Asantewaa: No, that’s a lie

DBM: Have you done further blood test to confirm the result?

Asantewaa: Yes. I have done three separate tests and they all came back positive

DBM: It may take some time, but I believe you will come to terms with it

Asantewaa: I will not

DBM: Hey, everything is going to be alright

Asantewaa: How do you know?

DBM: You are not the first person to share your HIV news with me on Facebook. Many people have, and their health seems to be better now because they know their HIV statuses. They tell me they’re able to get the right monitoring and treatment.

Asantewaa: This is so scary, Dave. This is not the life I dreamed for myself.

DBM: You can still chase after the life you dreamed for yourself before you learned that you were HIV-positive.

Asantewaa: Easier said. You are not in my shoes

DBM: I don’t have to be in your shoes to tell you that everything is really going to be alright. What has your doctor told you thus far?

Asantewaa: Hmmm! She says my immune system is working well, and the HIV isn’t progressing so fast. She also said I have a healthy body.

DBM: Okay! That’s good to know. Has your husband been tested?

Asantewaa: No! I’ve not told him anything yet

DBM: When do you plan telling him?

Asantewaa: I don’t know. I am still wrapping my head around the news

DBM: You don’t have to share your HIV diagnosis with everyone out there, but your husband has a legal right to know.

Asantewaa: I don’t know what I am more sacred of; me dying or my husband leaving me – when he finds out

DBM: His safety depends on it

Asantewaa: I know

DBM: And any sexual partners he’s had since being exposed to the infection.

Asantewaa: You know what? I’ve been thinking about that actually. Why am I HIV-positive if my husband is the only man, I’ve been having sex with since we married?

DBM: Were you both negative prior to marriage?

Asantewaa: Yes.

DBM: Off the top of my head, I can count 17 women who have shared their diagnosis with me. I think only two found out they had been infected after their husbands had come clean for them to get tested. The rest got to know through random tests, because their husbands either did not know, or knew but kept the information from them.

Asantewaa: My husband has not given me any reason to question him, nor his intentions or feelings. He has not given me a reason to doubt him or our relationship.

DBM: Not even once?

Asantewaa: We’ve had our disagreements every now and then, but he does not make me second-guess his emotions. He has not given me any reason not to trust him.

DBM: Again, you can only be certain after he’s been tested. Majority of the women who shared their experiences with me were convinced about the same things when it came to questioning their husbands’ fidelity to them. Whenever a man is trying so hard to make it clear to you that you are the only one he could ever be with, just ask for his phone and password; right there and then, to have a private tour on his daily conversations and activities.

Asantewaa: My husband has a password on his phone

DBM: Do you know the code?

Asantewaa: I don’t. But he knows mine. I let him have my phone anytime he wants to use it. The children have access to it too. I have nothing to hide; also, it’s because he is my husband.

DBM: I see

Asantewaa: But there have been times that he would be on his phone and would try to hide his screen from me.

DBM: Do you do that to him?

Asantewaa: I don’t.

DBM: Everyone is entitled to their privacy. However, if a partner starts to act shady or give any reason to suspect something is amiss, sometimes by hiding their phone screens while on phone next to you, then it is what it is

Asantewaa: I usually do not have a clue what he does on his phone, and I don’t ask

DBM: What prompted you to get tested?

Asantewaa: I was experiencing recurring vaginal yeast infections. I was feeling so tired all the time, I wasn’t finding my energy to be intimate with my husband. Also, my husband used to complain about the heat in the environment in general, when he used to sweat at night. I had to visit the hospital when I experienced itchy skin rashes

DBM: I see.

Asantewaa: I feel myself growing angry again

DBM: Why is that?

Asantewaa: What if my husband is the reason smiles have fallen off my face?

DBM: If you love your husband, and still want to spend the rest of your life with him, HIV does not have to affect that.

Asantewaa: I am not going to be my husband’s keeper if he did this to me.

DBM: Please let me know what happens after confronting him.

Image Credit: Godisable Jacob

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